Well... I really wasn't. I wasn't one of those people who actually planned on having children, or gave any thought to what I would do with them. They just sort of happened to me, and I've done my best with them. Granted, I think my best is pretty good. It's at least research-based. Even so, the fact remains, people in general are way better parents before they have kids. By that, I mean they have it all figured out. They think they know exactly what they'll do in every situation. These things are nearly never practical, and most don't even come close to happening when that person actually has kids. This applies also to people who do have kids, as it pertains to older age kids than what they've got. It would be like, "I was so good at school age parenting when I had a toddler." or "I was so good at parenting a teen when I had an 8-year-old."
I swear, if I have to suffer through one more toddler parent's bullshit dissertation on what they'll do when their kid is Erin's age, I am going to scream. I have taken to laughing while they go on and on about how THEIR kid will never do [insert totally normal thing here] because they'll do [insert bullshit that doesn't work for anybody here]. This applies especially to those who seek to give me advice on what to do with Erin.
Erin is a problem as of late. 8 is a hard age, and I find out more and more that I'm just not that good of a girl mommy. I'm pretty lucky my other two are boys. This is not an easy time for us with Erin, and I don't suspect it will get easier anytime soon. We have a kid who used to be great to deal with, but now runs off at random, lies like it's her job, has NEVER eaten what we've served her, and thinks the rules don't apply to her. Honestly, she's pretty ridiculous to deal with a lot of the time. Trust me when I tell you, the things that work to keep Orren in line, DO NOT work to keep Erin in line. Toddlers and 8-year-olds are pretty different breeds of animal, but boy do the toddler parents in my life love to give advice on what to do with a school age kid!
I get it. It's easy to feel like a pretty good parent when they're still little. From the moment of conception, you've done everything right. You chose the best midwife, the nicest birth center (or hospital if that's your thing), the most naturally minded pediatrician. You researched vaccines, bought organic cotton baby clothes, made your own baby food, breastfed for as long as you possibly could, and by the time the kid got to be a toddler, he/she was just the most wonderful charismatic little thing that ever walked the face of the earth. They are nothing like the neighbor's kids who are running down the street unattended, wearing diapers that drag the ground, and stay awake until 2 am, emptying the refrigerator onto the kitchen floor. (I'm not making that up. Those were my neighbor's kids at Ft. Stewart.) No, you are not those people. You, my friend, are a GOOD parent. Your kid is downright angelic.
Enjoy it while you can. Before long, that perfect little angel will lie straight to your face, steal money from your purse or food from your pantry, do every single thing you tell them not to do, not want a single thing to do with you or anything about you, and have friends who are a royally shitty influence. You, the good parent, will have to roll with whatever punches your formerly angelic child decides to throw your way. There is no avoiding this.
I don't believe Erin is really any worse than the average kid her age, and we have had our share of punches to roll with, especially in the past 6 months. I can tell you that much. We did everything "right". Everything that's best practice, we've done it. Supernanny's got nothing on us as far as schedules and discipline go. We are good parents, and we know it. Our kid still turned out like this. We weren't immune, and more than likely, you won't be either.
The moral of the story is, you'll be there soon enough yourself. Do yourself and your karma a favor, and save the snide remarks when someone who's at a different stage of parenting than you are at, talks about the god-awful things their kid has done recently. (Seriously, not talking about it is not an option. The shit she comes up with on a daily basis makes me want to scream. If I didn't know better, I'd think she lay awake at night plotting ways to drive us insane the next day.) Not only do we not want to hear it, because being kicked when you're down isn't cool, but we also know that even when you do everything right, this still happens, and it'll probably happen to you, too, even though you won't believe us if we tell you.
Remember this. I, too, was a great parent before I had kids who were [insert age here]. I offer up this: You spare me the bullshit now, and in five years, when you're standing there slack-jawed as your kid does the exact same stuff as Erin is doing now, I won't remind you that I told you so. Deal?
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Solid foods
When a baby starts solid foods is something of a debate, and like vaccinations, it seems there's a generational disconnect when it comes to best practice. What was considered best practice a decade or two ago is a little different than what is considered best practice today. In the case of solid food, this change is rather slight, but present no less. (We're not talking about putting cereal in bottles, or any other misguided advice handed down through generations for whatever inane reason. We're talking about BEST PRACTICE recommendations, the type of stuff research supports, or did then.) Click here to see the AAP's article on it from earlier this year.
It used to be recommended to start trying to give solids at 4 months, and to definitely do it before 6 months. Now they say you can start as early as 4 months, but preferably will wait until 6. This is a small change in wording, but a big change in meaning. The window of opportunity is the same, but the preferred time frame has shifted from earlier to later. This mirrors the recommendation of many national medical associations throughout Europe. It's been working great there for years, and makes perfect sense to me.
I did give Erin and Orren solid foods earlier than 6 months (Erin was 5.5 months, Orren was 4.5 months), but as far as we knew then, the recommendation had not changed. Either way, it wasn't bad or anything. Just, waiting until closer to 6 months may be better, especially for a breastfed baby since a lot of the traditionally given solid foods are more or less empty calories, and breastmilk is a lot better for them than that anyway. Being that Erin and Orren were on only formula by that age, it may have actually been better for them to have solids a little sooner than a breastfed baby would, just because formula is not as nutritious as breastmilk.
That brings me to my next point. The whole rice cereal and purees thing is quickly going out of style. We have learned a lot about this stuff in the past couple years that gave us a great distaste for it in general. In fact, we quit purees and cereals with Orren just weeks after he began eating solid foods. The nurses at our pediatrician's office thought we were nuts (They don't ask what he eats. They ask, "What stage of Gerber is he on?" I kid you not.), but it worked so well to just not us purees that we knew what we were doing was right. We simply fed Orren whatever we were eating, and he fed himself with his hands. We later learned that there is a name for this, baby-led weaning. Click here to learn more about it.
Basically, the idea is that you don't spoon feed purees or cereals. You just give the baby his own food, and let him do it his way. He will eat what he is able to eat. I have found this to be absolutely effective, and encourages a diverse palate as well. Erin, my kid who ate jarred food all the way, is the worst eater I can imagine. Meal times with her are a nightmare every single time, even now. Orren, who did baby-led weaning, is the exact opposite. Coincidence? Maybe a little bit, but probably not entirely. It's pretty obvious what we'll be continuing with Chai.
We also recently learned that the grain cereals are not very healthy to eat. For one, rice cereal is linked to an increase in diabetes. It throws sugar and insulin levels all out of whack. That's something I would pay special attention to. My boys, being of Asian heritage, are more prone to diabetes anyway, and there is a family history on Thak's side of the family (his mom had it) so we're not going to do anything that would increase our boys' chances of developing it. Not to mention, rice cereal is pretty much empty calories, tastes like cardboard, and all of it that's sold here in the US is iron-fortified, which is bad for breastfed babies. The reason that's bad for breastfed babies is because the synthetic iron supplement in it can actually inhibit the absorption of the iron in breastmilk, and cause the baby to become anemic. Talk about counter-productive! In formula-fed babies, this is not an issue because the iron in rice cereal is similar to that in formula, so there's no inhibiting of absorption there. Basically, the old stand-by of starting with rice cereal is something that should be considered carefully before doing it. Some people may still decide to do it, and that's cool, but it's not right for everybody, and we decided, now knowing what we know, that it's not right for us.
Chai will probably start with homegrown squash. If not that, then maybe avocado or banana, just sliced on his high chair tray where he can manage them. He already puts everything in his mouth, so it won't take him long to get the idea. From there, he'll branch out into whatever else suits him, just like Orren did.
It used to be recommended to start trying to give solids at 4 months, and to definitely do it before 6 months. Now they say you can start as early as 4 months, but preferably will wait until 6. This is a small change in wording, but a big change in meaning. The window of opportunity is the same, but the preferred time frame has shifted from earlier to later. This mirrors the recommendation of many national medical associations throughout Europe. It's been working great there for years, and makes perfect sense to me.
I did give Erin and Orren solid foods earlier than 6 months (Erin was 5.5 months, Orren was 4.5 months), but as far as we knew then, the recommendation had not changed. Either way, it wasn't bad or anything. Just, waiting until closer to 6 months may be better, especially for a breastfed baby since a lot of the traditionally given solid foods are more or less empty calories, and breastmilk is a lot better for them than that anyway. Being that Erin and Orren were on only formula by that age, it may have actually been better for them to have solids a little sooner than a breastfed baby would, just because formula is not as nutritious as breastmilk.
That brings me to my next point. The whole rice cereal and purees thing is quickly going out of style. We have learned a lot about this stuff in the past couple years that gave us a great distaste for it in general. In fact, we quit purees and cereals with Orren just weeks after he began eating solid foods. The nurses at our pediatrician's office thought we were nuts (They don't ask what he eats. They ask, "What stage of Gerber is he on?" I kid you not.), but it worked so well to just not us purees that we knew what we were doing was right. We simply fed Orren whatever we were eating, and he fed himself with his hands. We later learned that there is a name for this, baby-led weaning. Click here to learn more about it.
Basically, the idea is that you don't spoon feed purees or cereals. You just give the baby his own food, and let him do it his way. He will eat what he is able to eat. I have found this to be absolutely effective, and encourages a diverse palate as well. Erin, my kid who ate jarred food all the way, is the worst eater I can imagine. Meal times with her are a nightmare every single time, even now. Orren, who did baby-led weaning, is the exact opposite. Coincidence? Maybe a little bit, but probably not entirely. It's pretty obvious what we'll be continuing with Chai.
We also recently learned that the grain cereals are not very healthy to eat. For one, rice cereal is linked to an increase in diabetes. It throws sugar and insulin levels all out of whack. That's something I would pay special attention to. My boys, being of Asian heritage, are more prone to diabetes anyway, and there is a family history on Thak's side of the family (his mom had it) so we're not going to do anything that would increase our boys' chances of developing it. Not to mention, rice cereal is pretty much empty calories, tastes like cardboard, and all of it that's sold here in the US is iron-fortified, which is bad for breastfed babies. The reason that's bad for breastfed babies is because the synthetic iron supplement in it can actually inhibit the absorption of the iron in breastmilk, and cause the baby to become anemic. Talk about counter-productive! In formula-fed babies, this is not an issue because the iron in rice cereal is similar to that in formula, so there's no inhibiting of absorption there. Basically, the old stand-by of starting with rice cereal is something that should be considered carefully before doing it. Some people may still decide to do it, and that's cool, but it's not right for everybody, and we decided, now knowing what we know, that it's not right for us.
Chai will probably start with homegrown squash. If not that, then maybe avocado or banana, just sliced on his high chair tray where he can manage them. He already puts everything in his mouth, so it won't take him long to get the idea. From there, he'll branch out into whatever else suits him, just like Orren did.
Thank goodness for breastfeeding.
For the past week, at any given time, at least one person in this family has been sick, sometimes more than one at the same time. I don't usually get sick, but with the crappy cheap foods we eat these days because that's all we can afford anymore, and the stress of watching the life we've built over the past 7 years crash down in a matter of months, my immune system is pretty much shot right now, so I got sick, too. I was so sick for most of a day that I couldn't nurse Chai much, and Thak had to feed him pumped milk from the freezer for about half his feedings, but I nursed him as much as possible even then.
Because of this, Chai is the one member of this family who did not get sick. Through breastmilk, he got the antibodies to fight off the virus before it even made him sick. It's the same principle as a vaccine, but without the toxic chemicals and scary side-effects. I am so glad he didn't get sick. It was bad enough that the rest of us did, but a sick baby is even worse than pretty much anything else. Erin and Orren both caught some nasty bugs like this one when they were about Chai's age, and it was really scary. I am so glad Chai dodged that bullet this time. If that's not a great reward for fighting through our breastfeeding difficulties, and succeeding in spite of it all, I don't know what is.
Oh, and the bebe Chai is four months old now. That means we are 2/3 of the way to our initial breastfeeding goal of 6 months. That doesn't mean we're stopping then, of course. We actually have no plans to stop at all, and have every intention of letting Chai gradually self-wean when he's ready. The 6 month thing was the initial goal I set out at the beginning, as a starting point, and we are almost there! Also, at 6 months, he'll be starting solids, so our breastfeeding dynamic will change a little as he eats more. More on solid foods later, though.
Because of this, Chai is the one member of this family who did not get sick. Through breastmilk, he got the antibodies to fight off the virus before it even made him sick. It's the same principle as a vaccine, but without the toxic chemicals and scary side-effects. I am so glad he didn't get sick. It was bad enough that the rest of us did, but a sick baby is even worse than pretty much anything else. Erin and Orren both caught some nasty bugs like this one when they were about Chai's age, and it was really scary. I am so glad Chai dodged that bullet this time. If that's not a great reward for fighting through our breastfeeding difficulties, and succeeding in spite of it all, I don't know what is.
Oh, and the bebe Chai is four months old now. That means we are 2/3 of the way to our initial breastfeeding goal of 6 months. That doesn't mean we're stopping then, of course. We actually have no plans to stop at all, and have every intention of letting Chai gradually self-wean when he's ready. The 6 month thing was the initial goal I set out at the beginning, as a starting point, and we are almost there! Also, at 6 months, he'll be starting solids, so our breastfeeding dynamic will change a little as he eats more. More on solid foods later, though.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
When it comes to parenting, if it feels right, do it.
Thak and I are natural parents. We practice Attachment Parenting (AP), and other things that tend to go hand in hand with it, but don't technically fall under the definition of AP. AP is defined as breastfeeding, babywearing, and cosleeping. We do all of these things, but other things go hand in hand with it as well. These things include natural birth, not using cry-it-out (CIO) sleep training, not circumcising our sons, cloth diapering, not vaccinating (or using an alternative schedule for it), and practicing baby-led weaning. We do all of the above. The reasons are pretty simple. For one, research supports every last bit of this stuff. For another, and the most compelling in my opinion, it just plain feels right.
I so often hear people rationalizing their parenting choices with, "Well, it's hard now, but it's for the better so it has to be done." and then pushing themselves through something totally unnatural and, in my opinion, pretty heinous. These would be things like letting their baby cry themselves to sleep in their crib, or taking their son to his circumcision appointment. These things abound on Facebook statuses everywhere, at least in the military community, which, despite Thak's recent departure from Active Duty, is where I still dwell in large part. I always want to scream, "IF IT FEELS LIKE SHIT, THAT IS YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS TELLING YOU THAT IT IS SHIT!!! DON'T DO IT!!!" Honestly, if your gut feeling is telling you, "This is bad. You need three shots of tequila before you can continue with it." then you probably should go with that. If you were walking down a trail in the mountains, and your gut feeling told you that there was some reason you should not continue, would you push past it? No, you wouldn't. You'd probably turn around and go a different way. Yet when it comes to babies, it's like parents in this country have been conditioned to deny their gut instinct on damn near everything. It makes no sense to me.
I did a lot of mainstream stuff with Erin, but honestly, none of it felt anywhere near good or right. I would get defensive about that stuff, too, at the time. And WHY would I get defensive about it? Because on some primal level, I knew it was wrong. If it's wrong, you know it, even if you won't let your mind acknowledge that. I've been there, and close to a decade later, I can tell you, the root of defensiveness when it comes to parenting, is the primal knowledge that you're doing the wrong thing.
Sure, it seems at the time like it's easier to have a drugged up birth, or not tough through breastfeeding difficulties, or not question the doctor's vaccine schedule, or let the baby cry it out (although I NEVER did that. Even stupid 21-year-old single mom Anna knew CIO was wrong.) but really, it's not, because then you have to deal with the after effects of it. You'll always know that what you did wasn't right, which is why people get so defensive about it, even years down the line. Some things even have long lasting effects as well. The drugs used during many hospital births are linked to learning disabilities, speech delays, even autism. Vaccines have a whole host of toxins in them which have a laundry list of side effects. CIO results in lifelong attachment disorders, and permanent changes in brain wave patterns due to the inundation of stress hormones. Seems the "easy" way out isn't so easy after all.
For my buck, natural parenting is easier. The reason it's easier is because it feels right. We trust our gut with every parenting decision we make. Everything from births to schools, we trust our gut, and it's never steered us wrong. I KNEW that Chai needed to be born at home, and when I met Alyson, I knew she was the one to help us accomplish that. With a different setting, or a less fearless midwife, Chai's birth would have been a disaster. Trusting our gut was the right way. Similarly, I knew from the moment I walked into that disaster of a public school Erin used to attend, that it was a bad place to be. Not shockingly, she fell on her face there. I knew from the minute we saw her charter school, that it was right, and again, not shockingly, she has flourished from the moment she arrived. Trusting your gut goes a long way. I think everyone would identify and agree with my school example, but why do so few extend that logic to other equally important things? Why do parents insist on pushing away their gut instinct when it tells them to snatch their baby back from a doctor who has been tasked with hacking a healthy piece off their son? Why do they push through with the ridiculously heavy vaccination schedule we subject our children to these days even though their gut tells them it's scary? Why do they seek reassurance from other parents as their baby cries himself to sleep in his crib, rather than go get the baby and comfort him? None of these decisions that parents in our society are expected to make on behalf of their babies, are natural in the least, and that's why they feel so awful to most people.
I say we follow our gut more, and mainstream society less. I say we look at the examples of peaceful and warring tribes around the world, and see that the peaceful people practice what we in the US know as Attachment Parenting, whereas the warring tribes have practices that closely mirror mainstream parenting practices here (withholding breastmilk, not answering the baby's cries, etc). Then think to yourself what you would like to raise, a peaceful individual, or a violent individual. Thak and I know very well what our answer is. How sure are you of yours?
I so often hear people rationalizing their parenting choices with, "Well, it's hard now, but it's for the better so it has to be done." and then pushing themselves through something totally unnatural and, in my opinion, pretty heinous. These would be things like letting their baby cry themselves to sleep in their crib, or taking their son to his circumcision appointment. These things abound on Facebook statuses everywhere, at least in the military community, which, despite Thak's recent departure from Active Duty, is where I still dwell in large part. I always want to scream, "IF IT FEELS LIKE SHIT, THAT IS YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS TELLING YOU THAT IT IS SHIT!!! DON'T DO IT!!!" Honestly, if your gut feeling is telling you, "This is bad. You need three shots of tequila before you can continue with it." then you probably should go with that. If you were walking down a trail in the mountains, and your gut feeling told you that there was some reason you should not continue, would you push past it? No, you wouldn't. You'd probably turn around and go a different way. Yet when it comes to babies, it's like parents in this country have been conditioned to deny their gut instinct on damn near everything. It makes no sense to me.
I did a lot of mainstream stuff with Erin, but honestly, none of it felt anywhere near good or right. I would get defensive about that stuff, too, at the time. And WHY would I get defensive about it? Because on some primal level, I knew it was wrong. If it's wrong, you know it, even if you won't let your mind acknowledge that. I've been there, and close to a decade later, I can tell you, the root of defensiveness when it comes to parenting, is the primal knowledge that you're doing the wrong thing.
Sure, it seems at the time like it's easier to have a drugged up birth, or not tough through breastfeeding difficulties, or not question the doctor's vaccine schedule, or let the baby cry it out (although I NEVER did that. Even stupid 21-year-old single mom Anna knew CIO was wrong.) but really, it's not, because then you have to deal with the after effects of it. You'll always know that what you did wasn't right, which is why people get so defensive about it, even years down the line. Some things even have long lasting effects as well. The drugs used during many hospital births are linked to learning disabilities, speech delays, even autism. Vaccines have a whole host of toxins in them which have a laundry list of side effects. CIO results in lifelong attachment disorders, and permanent changes in brain wave patterns due to the inundation of stress hormones. Seems the "easy" way out isn't so easy after all.
For my buck, natural parenting is easier. The reason it's easier is because it feels right. We trust our gut with every parenting decision we make. Everything from births to schools, we trust our gut, and it's never steered us wrong. I KNEW that Chai needed to be born at home, and when I met Alyson, I knew she was the one to help us accomplish that. With a different setting, or a less fearless midwife, Chai's birth would have been a disaster. Trusting our gut was the right way. Similarly, I knew from the moment I walked into that disaster of a public school Erin used to attend, that it was a bad place to be. Not shockingly, she fell on her face there. I knew from the minute we saw her charter school, that it was right, and again, not shockingly, she has flourished from the moment she arrived. Trusting your gut goes a long way. I think everyone would identify and agree with my school example, but why do so few extend that logic to other equally important things? Why do parents insist on pushing away their gut instinct when it tells them to snatch their baby back from a doctor who has been tasked with hacking a healthy piece off their son? Why do they push through with the ridiculously heavy vaccination schedule we subject our children to these days even though their gut tells them it's scary? Why do they seek reassurance from other parents as their baby cries himself to sleep in his crib, rather than go get the baby and comfort him? None of these decisions that parents in our society are expected to make on behalf of their babies, are natural in the least, and that's why they feel so awful to most people.
I say we follow our gut more, and mainstream society less. I say we look at the examples of peaceful and warring tribes around the world, and see that the peaceful people practice what we in the US know as Attachment Parenting, whereas the warring tribes have practices that closely mirror mainstream parenting practices here (withholding breastmilk, not answering the baby's cries, etc). Then think to yourself what you would like to raise, a peaceful individual, or a violent individual. Thak and I know very well what our answer is. How sure are you of yours?
Friday, September 23, 2011
Orren loves to read.
Orren looks forward all week to Fridays because after we pick up Erin from school, we go to the park, and then to the library. We do that so that we don't have to drive all the way across town to go home after school, and then drive right back across town to take her to dance. It saves us a bundle in gas (to the tune of $32 a month!) to just hang out for an hour at the park and the library, let Erin change into her dance clothes at the library, and go from there. Of course, it's tons of fun for the kids, too. Erin isn't too big on the playground anymore, and always begs the whole time to go inside and get books, but Orren loves the playground, so we always stay out there for half an hour and then go inside for half an hour more. We choose out books, then sit down and read them while Chai nurses, and then we check out the books we particularly liked, and Erin gets a few chapter books of her own.
An interesting side effect of this is that this boy, who has always loved books, has actually taken an even greater interest. He has begun to "read" to baby Chai, meaning he'll pick up a book he knows well (No, David!, or Green Eggs and Ham, or something like that) and tell the story to Chai as he turns the pages. He gets it pretty much right with what pages he's on. It's adorable.
I always am amazed when Orren does this stuff, and think he must be very advanced, because Erin never did any of this. All of it is so new. For all I know, every kid Orren's age, other than those who have delays, do this stuff. It's still cool to see, though. Orren is such an interesting little person.
By the way, he is very much looking forward to his birthday (we're throwing him a party in early December before all our friends go home on leave for the holidays). For presents, he asked for "books, tractor, truck, and surprise".
An interesting side effect of this is that this boy, who has always loved books, has actually taken an even greater interest. He has begun to "read" to baby Chai, meaning he'll pick up a book he knows well (No, David!, or Green Eggs and Ham, or something like that) and tell the story to Chai as he turns the pages. He gets it pretty much right with what pages he's on. It's adorable.
I always am amazed when Orren does this stuff, and think he must be very advanced, because Erin never did any of this. All of it is so new. For all I know, every kid Orren's age, other than those who have delays, do this stuff. It's still cool to see, though. Orren is such an interesting little person.
By the way, he is very much looking forward to his birthday (we're throwing him a party in early December before all our friends go home on leave for the holidays). For presents, he asked for "books, tractor, truck, and surprise".
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Christmas
I read on a large family blog once, that one format for Christmas gifts is that each child gets "something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read" plus stocking stuff. I think that is a good thing to do for this year, just in case a new job doesn't come through by Christmas, and especially since Orren's birthday is also on Christmas (although if we're still in El Paso, we'll be throwing him a party a couple weeks before his actual birthday). So I've been thinking about the things to get for the kids.
I know that I want to make them all Vikings tie fleece blankets. (They're easy to make. You just get two kinds of fleece, place back to back with the pretty sides out, and then fringe it around the edges and knot it together. They're really cute comfy blankets.) So that can be their "something they need". Erin's "something to wear" came in the mail today, a skirt I had made for her before the shit hit the fan financially. I know what Orren's "something to read" is. I want to get him a copy of The Araboolies of Liberty Street. I know that the stocking stuff for all will be art supplies, socks, and undies (or in Chai's case, an awesome pirate diaper that we won in a drawing, and is on its way to us currently). Art supplies are a big one. Now that we're po', it seems all we do is art!! We paint everything we can get our hands on, junk mail becomes origami, you name it. Amazing what having no television will do for you.
So anyhow, this is what I'm thinking of for them all:
Erin:
Something she wants: A pretty silver necklace kind of like this.
Something she needs: Tie fleece blanket
Something to wear: Skirt (and other stuff to complete outfit) *we already have this
Something to read: Whatever seems her style at the time.
Orren:
Something he wants: Scooter (the 3-wheel kind)
Something he needs: Tie fleece blanket
Something to wear: a new football jersey (he's been asking for one)
Something to read: The Araboolies of Liberty Street *will buy with swagbucks points
Chaiyo:
Something he wants: Sophie the Giraffe teether
Something he needs: Tie fleece blanket
Something to wear: Some warm outfits
Something to read: Any of the "touch and feel" books, other than kitten and tractor, since we already have those.
Then like I said, stockings will consist of art supplies, socks, and undies, and a pirate diaper for Chai, which we already have coming to us.
Orren's birthday:
Easel
Soccer ball
Tonka truck
Clothes
I am about to cash in some swagbucks points for Amazon gift cards, probably enough for at least one of the books. I sold a bunch of outgrown baby clothes, so I've got a ton in paypal right now, so I can get stuff off Etsy and Ebay, and possibly order the fabric for the tie fleece blankets. Yes, I know, it's September and I'm planning for Christmas. We want to be sure they get one! This is how we'll do that.
I know that I want to make them all Vikings tie fleece blankets. (They're easy to make. You just get two kinds of fleece, place back to back with the pretty sides out, and then fringe it around the edges and knot it together. They're really cute comfy blankets.) So that can be their "something they need". Erin's "something to wear" came in the mail today, a skirt I had made for her before the shit hit the fan financially. I know what Orren's "something to read" is. I want to get him a copy of The Araboolies of Liberty Street. I know that the stocking stuff for all will be art supplies, socks, and undies (or in Chai's case, an awesome pirate diaper that we won in a drawing, and is on its way to us currently). Art supplies are a big one. Now that we're po', it seems all we do is art!! We paint everything we can get our hands on, junk mail becomes origami, you name it. Amazing what having no television will do for you.
So anyhow, this is what I'm thinking of for them all:
Erin:
Something she wants: A pretty silver necklace kind of like this.
Something she needs: Tie fleece blanket
Something to wear: Skirt (and other stuff to complete outfit) *we already have this
Something to read: Whatever seems her style at the time.
Orren:
Something he wants: Scooter (the 3-wheel kind)
Something he needs: Tie fleece blanket
Something to wear: a new football jersey (he's been asking for one)
Something to read: The Araboolies of Liberty Street *will buy with swagbucks points
Chaiyo:
Something he wants: Sophie the Giraffe teether
Something he needs: Tie fleece blanket
Something to wear: Some warm outfits
Something to read: Any of the "touch and feel" books, other than kitten and tractor, since we already have those.
Then like I said, stockings will consist of art supplies, socks, and undies, and a pirate diaper for Chai, which we already have coming to us.
Orren's birthday:
Easel
Soccer ball
Tonka truck
Clothes
I am about to cash in some swagbucks points for Amazon gift cards, probably enough for at least one of the books. I sold a bunch of outgrown baby clothes, so I've got a ton in paypal right now, so I can get stuff off Etsy and Ebay, and possibly order the fabric for the tie fleece blankets. Yes, I know, it's September and I'm planning for Christmas. We want to be sure they get one! This is how we'll do that.
How we live.
Ever since the Utah job fell through, we've had to really figure things out. A lot has to change. For one thing, we are about to lose our house. We have to figure out somewhere else to go, and fast. I decided to look for a duplex because there are many throughout our city that are really cheap, and that's what we need right now. I found one! It's in Central, which is not exactly convenient to Erin's school, but is very convenient to Thak's work, and the rent is SO cheap. The neighborhood isn't bad either. It's nowhere near fabulous or anything, but I know people who live over there, and they aren't getting carjacked or anything, so the location will work. It's half what our house costs every month, and includes utilities. It's ADORABLE, too, with hardwood floors throughout, lots of windows, a big fenced yard that's common to both units, and a small fenced side yard that only goes to that unit. The wrinkle? It's a 2 BR 1 BA. That doesn't really bother us at this point, though. If they'll lease it to us, we'll make it work.
In one bedroom, we'll put Erin and Orren. Erin's bed has 3 drawers underneath it, and those will serve as her dresser. Orren and Chai share a dresser already. We put Erin and Orren's beds in the one room, along with Orren and Chai's dresser. Then Chai sleeps with us, as he already does. We'll set his crib up in our room, because he's outgrowing his bassinet. Their toys and books will end up being mostly in the living room, but that's ok. We'll figure it out. It'll be tight, but it'll work, and we can afford it on Thak's current pay. We still hope he gets another job, and the sooner the better, but if we can get this duplex, we can make it work for as long as it takes for a new job to come through, especially if his boss gets him another promotion, like he's trying to do.
The thing is, I'm so nervous about what people will say if we are able to do this. It seems like kids sharing rooms is a big taboo these days, especially boys and girls sharing rooms. I honestly don't see the big deal at this age. It would be different if they were teenagers or something, but they're not, not even close. And I have no idea where people hear this stuff, but the state has no law saying that kids can't share rooms, so let's just put that idea out of our minds now. There is no law on this stuff. Erin and Orren absolutely can share a room, and we can cosleep with Chai as long as we want. The state of Texas is not going to take our kids away because they share a room. That is a ridiculous notion. I know it's going to get brought up, though, and that's why I haven't told anyone yet that we're applying for this 2 BR duplex, and if they'll lease it to us, we'll take it and be happy to have it.
It just got me thinking about the way we live in this country, and the ridiculous standards that people have. Sure, I don't WANT my kids to have to share rooms. I shared a room all my life, and hated it with a passion, especially as I got older. I hope that by the time the kids are teenagers, they will all have their own rooms. But the fact remains, that's a preference, not a necessity, and it's really not indicative of how people live around the world either. It helps to take a global view of these things, not solely an American view of them. Kids around the world share rooms in every way you can imagine, and most of them turn out just fine. When they don't turn out just fine, it's pretty much never the room arrangement that did it to them, either.
I like this photo essay. I showed it to Erin when she was feeling sorry for herself because we can no longer afford the things we used to be able to afford. It's powerful to see these things. I think after looking at this, and seeing how so many people around the world live, the idea of Erin and Orren (who are inseparable as it is) sharing a bedroom in a well kept duplex, is not so strange or shocking anymore. In fact, it seems pretty ok, right?
It took me a minute, too. When you have the American mentality of everyone needing their own rooms, boys and girls never sharing rooms, siblings with an age difference more than a couple years never sharing rooms, and things of this nature, it becomes kind of a last resort to throw your 8-year-old girl in with her 2.5-year-old brother. Funny enough, they're excited about the prospect of sharing a room! Neither of them ever has. It seems like a sleepover every day to them. Of course, that will last until they see the reality of the situation, that they have no privacy, no space of their own, and that sort of thing, but again.... first world problems. If that's the worst you've got, you're doing pretty good in the grand scheme of things.
So basically, we're just hoping that they'll lease us the duplex. It's kind of iffy since we do have so many kids, but you never know. I think it is a good sign that the same day we found the listing for the duplex, a check came in the mail from Tricare, reimbursing us for part of what we paid for Chai's birth, so now we have the money to pay the deposit. Before, we knew we had to move, but we couldn't afford to. Now we can. This is a good sign, just the luck we needed.
In one bedroom, we'll put Erin and Orren. Erin's bed has 3 drawers underneath it, and those will serve as her dresser. Orren and Chai share a dresser already. We put Erin and Orren's beds in the one room, along with Orren and Chai's dresser. Then Chai sleeps with us, as he already does. We'll set his crib up in our room, because he's outgrowing his bassinet. Their toys and books will end up being mostly in the living room, but that's ok. We'll figure it out. It'll be tight, but it'll work, and we can afford it on Thak's current pay. We still hope he gets another job, and the sooner the better, but if we can get this duplex, we can make it work for as long as it takes for a new job to come through, especially if his boss gets him another promotion, like he's trying to do.
The thing is, I'm so nervous about what people will say if we are able to do this. It seems like kids sharing rooms is a big taboo these days, especially boys and girls sharing rooms. I honestly don't see the big deal at this age. It would be different if they were teenagers or something, but they're not, not even close. And I have no idea where people hear this stuff, but the state has no law saying that kids can't share rooms, so let's just put that idea out of our minds now. There is no law on this stuff. Erin and Orren absolutely can share a room, and we can cosleep with Chai as long as we want. The state of Texas is not going to take our kids away because they share a room. That is a ridiculous notion. I know it's going to get brought up, though, and that's why I haven't told anyone yet that we're applying for this 2 BR duplex, and if they'll lease it to us, we'll take it and be happy to have it.
It just got me thinking about the way we live in this country, and the ridiculous standards that people have. Sure, I don't WANT my kids to have to share rooms. I shared a room all my life, and hated it with a passion, especially as I got older. I hope that by the time the kids are teenagers, they will all have their own rooms. But the fact remains, that's a preference, not a necessity, and it's really not indicative of how people live around the world either. It helps to take a global view of these things, not solely an American view of them. Kids around the world share rooms in every way you can imagine, and most of them turn out just fine. When they don't turn out just fine, it's pretty much never the room arrangement that did it to them, either.
I like this photo essay. I showed it to Erin when she was feeling sorry for herself because we can no longer afford the things we used to be able to afford. It's powerful to see these things. I think after looking at this, and seeing how so many people around the world live, the idea of Erin and Orren (who are inseparable as it is) sharing a bedroom in a well kept duplex, is not so strange or shocking anymore. In fact, it seems pretty ok, right?
It took me a minute, too. When you have the American mentality of everyone needing their own rooms, boys and girls never sharing rooms, siblings with an age difference more than a couple years never sharing rooms, and things of this nature, it becomes kind of a last resort to throw your 8-year-old girl in with her 2.5-year-old brother. Funny enough, they're excited about the prospect of sharing a room! Neither of them ever has. It seems like a sleepover every day to them. Of course, that will last until they see the reality of the situation, that they have no privacy, no space of their own, and that sort of thing, but again.... first world problems. If that's the worst you've got, you're doing pretty good in the grand scheme of things.
So basically, we're just hoping that they'll lease us the duplex. It's kind of iffy since we do have so many kids, but you never know. I think it is a good sign that the same day we found the listing for the duplex, a check came in the mail from Tricare, reimbursing us for part of what we paid for Chai's birth, so now we have the money to pay the deposit. Before, we knew we had to move, but we couldn't afford to. Now we can. This is a good sign, just the luck we needed.
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