When you have military anything, insurance included, everyone else who has it is nosy as hell about what you're doing. I mentioned something in the context of conversation about Alyson's low transfer rate and almost nonexistent c-section rate, and said only half jokingly, "Well, that's why we pay her the big bucks!" (In reality, the bucks really aren't that big.) The first thing out of anyone's mouth was, "Well I had a midwife for my birth, and Tricare covered it! Why don't you find one that Tricare covers!" The short answer? Because I like this one, because I think that when you meet the person who's meant to assist you with your birth, you know deep down that it's right, and I knew immediately that Alyson is the one for us. I've never been more certain of anything since the day I met Nancy who assisted me with Orren's birth. That's why I won't find one Tricare covers. (Sometimes you get lucky... Tricare covered Nancy's services. They don't always cover Alyson's. That's just the way it is. I don't let my insurance's list of providers dictate my birthing choices, and nobody else should either!)
The long answer is that that's actually a really fair question, and has a really detailed answer, which anyone who's of childbearing years should probably read. I'm a believer in all moms, or potential moms (dads, too!) knowing their options, and having a jumping off point for learning what's out there, so here you go. Here is a quick and dirty rundown of the different types of midwives who practice in the US. Insurance approved CNM's are barely the tip of the iceberg.
If you had a hospital birth with a midwife, she was a Certified Nurse Midwife, a CNM. Many people think they are basically the gold standard when it comes to midwifery, and depending on what you're looking for, that may be true. CNM's are nurse practitioners who have gone on to advanced training in midwifery. They can do most anything a doctor can do. They can prescribe you medicine, and even admit you to the hospital and be your attending care provider while you're there. This is excellent if you have the right CNM. For someone like me, who does not want a hospital birth, the right CNM is one who practices out of hospital, and has a low transfer rate (anything much over 6% would alarm me). The problem is that a lot of CNM's these days, have become WAY too medical, and are hardly any better than an OB. There are still some great ones out there, but it's become very hit-or-miss, so if you're interviewing CNM's, ask the tough questions. Proceed if you love what you hear.
I've had two births with CNM's. One of the births was great. The other proved that if you take even a good CNM, who would help you have a great birth in any other setting, and put her in a hospital, there really isn't much she can do for you because policy has tied her hands just as much as it has tied yours. The moral of the story is that the location of birth is as important as the practitioner who's assisting. CNM's can put you in the hospital. You want to make sure yours won't do that unless it's a life or death emergency. On the positive side, EVERY insurance policy will cover birth with a CNM.
Most other midwives who are not CNM's are classified as Direct Entry midwives. That means they did not go to nursing school first. Now, there are several classifications.
Certified Professional Midwives, CPM's, have gone to midwifery school, passed national licensing exams (That is what grants the CPM suffix), and then, in most states (including TX) they have to pass additional licensing exams for the state to license them. After they do that, they are LM as well as CPM. I am currently receiving care from an LM, CPM. In this city, and a lot of other places, if you want to birth outside of a hospital, you will do it with an LM or an LM, CPM. The approach differs from a CNM in that it is far less medical. There is very little testing involved, and the focus is on preventing bad things from happening holistically, rather than treating what does happen. A CPM cannot write prescriptions, but can administer certain prescription medication during labor, delivery, or postpartum. This is outlined in each state's midwifery laws. Know thy laws before choosing thine practitioner. It varies state to state. If you transfer to the hospital, your CPM can go with you to advocate for you and support you, but in the hospital, she cannot be your attending practitioner. However, CPM's have a far greater scope of practice than most CNM's. Things a CNM would transfer somebody for, a CPM will know how to handle at home. Most CPM's have a lower transfer rate than CNM's do, and just as great of outcomes for moms and babies. (In fact, some of the best maternal/infant outcomes in the world come from The Farm Midwifery Center in Tennessee. Their midwives are CPM's.) There is nearly no insurance on the planet that will cover birth with a CPM unless you really know what buttons to push.
Sometimes you also see LM's who are not CPM's. Every one of these I've ever met did her midwifery school in a different country (and is from that country), so she has her own country's equivalent of a CPM designation, but it's not noted here in the US. The LM designation notes that she has passed the state's licensing requirements. LM's run things almost exactly the same as CPM's do. They work in birth centers and homes. Insurance does not often cover their services without a fight either.
There is also another category that's not often talked about, which is commonly known as "lay midwives" or "traditional midwives". They are women who attend births, but do not have any form of licensing. Legally, they can't administer the medications LM's and CPM's can, but most get them anyhow, which I think is good, for their clients' sake. They never work in birth centers, only in homes, and are most commonly found in states where it is illegal to practice midwifery, and there is no state licensing exam to be had. Since this is an underground industry, obviously there would be no insurance coverage for lay or traditional midwifery services.
As you may see, there is a lot more to the story than choosing the random name of a CNM off the insurance company's approved providers list. It is a spectrum that ranges from CNM's who act like OB's, all the way to traditional midwives whose names you cannot list on your child's birth certificate because their services are illegal in most states. I've always liked being near the center, either with a CNM who practiced a bit like some CPM's, or now, with a CPM who takes a very easy going approach. I seem to prosper in the middle of this spectrum. You have to find where you want to be. Let your priorities, your mind, and your heart be your guide, but never your insurance company's list.
Monday, November 15, 2010
I mean, it is the stuff we need, right?
Is it weird to register for nursing stuff? I personally don't think it is. In fact, I buy nursing-supportive gifts for friends who are planning on breastfeeding. I buy them Lansinoh (aka, the best stuff on earth... lanolin cream for cracked nipples), and nice reusable nursing pads, and sometimes if I think they'd want one, I make them a nursing cover to use in public. I don't think it's weird to give breastfeeding gifts. Then again, I also find the idea of giving birth in my bathtub pretty appealing, so my view is going to be a little skewed on a lot of stuff related to babies.
When it comes to registering for nursing stuff, I don't see the difference between registering for nursing pads and Lansinoh, and the way some moms register for formula. Nobody bats an eye at that (except those of us who cannot believe anyone would admit defeat, and use formula without even TRYING to breastfeed!). In general, it's considered very acceptable. I wonder if this extends to breastfeeding goodies, though.
It's on my mind because in 6-8 weeks, we will be making our registry, and the site we're registering at, cottonbabies.com, does not only sell cloth diapers. They also sell a lot of really great nursing stuff that I really would like to have, and isn't a registry supposed to reflect what you really honestly want and need? I want two new diaper covers, three more Snappi fasteners, five more sets of those nice soft organic hemp nursing pads if they've still got them (I have one pair that I got for free with a diaper purchase before Orren was born), a few nursing tank tops, Lansinoh, and milk storage bags. (It never hurts to have your own personal milk storage because if something happens to you and you can't nurse for a while, like you're on some medication, the baby can still eat.) That's all I want, though. I don't have need of duplicates of a ton of stuff that I already have. Really the ONLY thing I'm critically short of is nursing stuff. We need a couple diapering odds and ends, and those are the fun purchases because they're brightly colored and adorable, but what we really have absolutely none of is nursing stuff.
I think I'll register for it anyhow. If anyone thinks it's weird, I'll remind them that wouldn't bat an eye if I had Similac on there in place of the hemp nursing pads. Ha! Who am I kidding? Nearly nobody even pays attention to what anyone registered for! It doesn't even matter anyhow!
When it comes to registering for nursing stuff, I don't see the difference between registering for nursing pads and Lansinoh, and the way some moms register for formula. Nobody bats an eye at that (except those of us who cannot believe anyone would admit defeat, and use formula without even TRYING to breastfeed!). In general, it's considered very acceptable. I wonder if this extends to breastfeeding goodies, though.
It's on my mind because in 6-8 weeks, we will be making our registry, and the site we're registering at, cottonbabies.com, does not only sell cloth diapers. They also sell a lot of really great nursing stuff that I really would like to have, and isn't a registry supposed to reflect what you really honestly want and need? I want two new diaper covers, three more Snappi fasteners, five more sets of those nice soft organic hemp nursing pads if they've still got them (I have one pair that I got for free with a diaper purchase before Orren was born), a few nursing tank tops, Lansinoh, and milk storage bags. (It never hurts to have your own personal milk storage because if something happens to you and you can't nurse for a while, like you're on some medication, the baby can still eat.) That's all I want, though. I don't have need of duplicates of a ton of stuff that I already have. Really the ONLY thing I'm critically short of is nursing stuff. We need a couple diapering odds and ends, and those are the fun purchases because they're brightly colored and adorable, but what we really have absolutely none of is nursing stuff.
I think I'll register for it anyhow. If anyone thinks it's weird, I'll remind them that wouldn't bat an eye if I had Similac on there in place of the hemp nursing pads. Ha! Who am I kidding? Nearly nobody even pays attention to what anyone registered for! It doesn't even matter anyhow!
Read THIS.
The best pregnancy and birth book in the entire world, I'm thoroughly convinced, is Spiritual Midwifery, by Ina May Gaskin.
The rest of the world tells me I'm crazy, reckless, "brave" (which is a nicer way of meaning crazy), or stupid. Ina May reassures me that I'm right. In the rabble of mainstream pregnancy books which emphasize scary interventions, it's rather nice to read about Ina May and her comrades delivering babies in Army tents, and on buses, and in cabins, and it going very well in general, even through complications which rarely would arise. The best thing in the world for an expecting mom to read is positive natural birth stories, and nobody writes them better than Ina May!
The only drawback is that it really makes me wish we'd taken the orders to Ft. Campbell when we could have. Had we done that, Orren would have been born at The Farm. That's not to say Orren's birth wasn't nearly perfect. It absolutely was, and I loved his birth in every way. It's just that reading all this from The Farm would make any mom wish at least a little bit that her babies were born there! What an amazing thing to be a part of... It's great even to read about it.
The rest of the world tells me I'm crazy, reckless, "brave" (which is a nicer way of meaning crazy), or stupid. Ina May reassures me that I'm right. In the rabble of mainstream pregnancy books which emphasize scary interventions, it's rather nice to read about Ina May and her comrades delivering babies in Army tents, and on buses, and in cabins, and it going very well in general, even through complications which rarely would arise. The best thing in the world for an expecting mom to read is positive natural birth stories, and nobody writes them better than Ina May!
The only drawback is that it really makes me wish we'd taken the orders to Ft. Campbell when we could have. Had we done that, Orren would have been born at The Farm. That's not to say Orren's birth wasn't nearly perfect. It absolutely was, and I loved his birth in every way. It's just that reading all this from The Farm would make any mom wish at least a little bit that her babies were born there! What an amazing thing to be a part of... It's great even to read about it.
This takes it too far.
For the first time in the entire nearly a decade I've had some affiliation with the Army, I am SEVERELY disappointed in a senior wife. Severely disappointed. While I may bitch and moan along with the best of them about how stupid the lower-enlisted wives act these days, and roll my eyes with the best of them when the wife of a brand newly promoted Sergeant either still acts like a lower-enlisted wife, or thinks she's now that Sergeant Major of the Army's wife, in practice, I, like most NCO wives, can put that aside in the moment, and for better or worse, mentor these girls who need it. Of course this isn't as easy today as it used to be since now they think you want to be their best buddy, since the Army is now pretending that's socially acceptable, when in reality, you're just trying to do the right thing for them. They have plenty of peers who can be their best buddies.
Someone who is very senior to me has done something massively disappointing and unbecoming in this way. She saw some pictures that a young Sergeant's wife had taken at the homecoming after a deployment which just ended this weekend. This crusty old First Sergeant's wife took to chewing out this Buck Sergeant's wife (ha! I'm a little old-school myself... most people don't say Buck Sergeant anymore...) because she thought the pictures that showed this wife and her husband kissing, sort of recreating the pose in the WWII picture of the sailor and the nurse in Times Square, were highly inappropriate, and went against all decency.
First off, screw you, lady. This girl's husband just got home after being gone for 11 months. She's allowed to kiss him. Even my Drill Sergeant said that it's ok at homecomings and sendoffs, not to mention every military wife etiquette book (of which I own several) states exactly the same thing. (However, they do not condone the phrase, "screw you, lady." Hey, nobody's perfect.) I get that they were trying to recreate that pose, and yes, it looks a little trashy with the way he was grabbing her butt, HOWEVER, calling her out about this in public represents incredibly poor taste. And saying "tisk tisk tisk" to her??? Dude, that made ME want to slap you and it wasn't even directed at me. In my opinion, this senior wife acted far trashier than that picture could ever be by the way she responded to it.
The bigger shame is that she missed a chance to mentor this younger wife, who frankly, might benefit from a little of that. She's kind of mouthy, doesn't care for customs, and just basically your typical young Army wife of today. While I personally didn't have much of a problem with that picture (I would have picked my battles a little wiser than that.) I can understand how someone would, and the appropriate way to deal with that, is to take her aside, and say, "I know that Army regulation states it's ok to kiss your husband in uniform at homecomings, but I think some of the pictures you recently posted online are not very flattering toward the uniform or the Army, and just so you know, the entire command group of this post can see them. Maybe you want to consider keeping those for yourself, and showing more conservative pictures publicly." She would probably tell you to go fuck yourself, because that's what most of the young wives do these days, but even that is an opportunity to mentor. You plant the seeds. You tell her that she represents her husband, and that by reacting that way, she's not representing him very well. You tell her that while we wives have no rank, our husbands do, and that common sense will dictate that everyone should remember that. No, it's not about ratting her out to your husband and having him make her husband's life hell at work, but it is about the general impression of the soldier. A wife does influence that, like it or not, and the only way these newer ones, ESPECIALLY the ones who know nothing about our world, and marry a leader of any level, who really need to learn these things, will learn them, is if we teach it to them.
Those of us who have been around a while need to mentor, not chide. I know how hard it can be sometimes. I see wives do the stupidest things every single day, and then defend their "right" to do them because it's a free country, while in the same breath, insisting they deserve all the privileges of military life. YES, I see the contradiction in that, and I point it out to them. I wait until I get home to scream and throw things because it's so frustrating. I don't tell them how stupid I think they're being, or how trashy they look, or try to publicly humiliate them. When I make a correction, I do it where others are unlikely to hear. Is it always well-received? Oh hell no, not even half the time! One thing that would make sure it would NEVER be well-received would be to do what this senior wife did, and act like an unabashed bitch in a very public way. That wasn't an attempt to mentor. It was an attempt to chastise. That is unacceptable at any rank, and more so the higher you get.
With that said, I know everyone has a bad day once in a while. It's still no excuse for acting like that. When I am having a day where I know I'm going to chew out the first Private's wife in pajamas I run across (don't laugh... it happens a lot. Many people think wearing pajamas to the PX or wherever, is totally acceptable these days.), I simply avoid that situation. Someone will always make an excuse for me, I'm not feeling well, I had conflicting plans, my husband is receiving an award and I've gone to the ceremony, I had an IEP meeting at Erin's school... Someone will cover me if I'm having a "NO BS" kind of day, and decide not to go to whatever it is. I find this effective. If you know you're going to chew someone out while there, simply don't go! That's one of the only great things about the "new Army". They really CAN'T make us do this stuff anymore. Use that to your advantage, and stop embarrassing yourself. If you're having a bad day, and can't put on your game face, stay home.
Someone who is very senior to me has done something massively disappointing and unbecoming in this way. She saw some pictures that a young Sergeant's wife had taken at the homecoming after a deployment which just ended this weekend. This crusty old First Sergeant's wife took to chewing out this Buck Sergeant's wife (ha! I'm a little old-school myself... most people don't say Buck Sergeant anymore...) because she thought the pictures that showed this wife and her husband kissing, sort of recreating the pose in the WWII picture of the sailor and the nurse in Times Square, were highly inappropriate, and went against all decency.
First off, screw you, lady. This girl's husband just got home after being gone for 11 months. She's allowed to kiss him. Even my Drill Sergeant said that it's ok at homecomings and sendoffs, not to mention every military wife etiquette book (of which I own several) states exactly the same thing. (However, they do not condone the phrase, "screw you, lady." Hey, nobody's perfect.) I get that they were trying to recreate that pose, and yes, it looks a little trashy with the way he was grabbing her butt, HOWEVER, calling her out about this in public represents incredibly poor taste. And saying "tisk tisk tisk" to her??? Dude, that made ME want to slap you and it wasn't even directed at me. In my opinion, this senior wife acted far trashier than that picture could ever be by the way she responded to it.
The bigger shame is that she missed a chance to mentor this younger wife, who frankly, might benefit from a little of that. She's kind of mouthy, doesn't care for customs, and just basically your typical young Army wife of today. While I personally didn't have much of a problem with that picture (I would have picked my battles a little wiser than that.) I can understand how someone would, and the appropriate way to deal with that, is to take her aside, and say, "I know that Army regulation states it's ok to kiss your husband in uniform at homecomings, but I think some of the pictures you recently posted online are not very flattering toward the uniform or the Army, and just so you know, the entire command group of this post can see them. Maybe you want to consider keeping those for yourself, and showing more conservative pictures publicly." She would probably tell you to go fuck yourself, because that's what most of the young wives do these days, but even that is an opportunity to mentor. You plant the seeds. You tell her that she represents her husband, and that by reacting that way, she's not representing him very well. You tell her that while we wives have no rank, our husbands do, and that common sense will dictate that everyone should remember that. No, it's not about ratting her out to your husband and having him make her husband's life hell at work, but it is about the general impression of the soldier. A wife does influence that, like it or not, and the only way these newer ones, ESPECIALLY the ones who know nothing about our world, and marry a leader of any level, who really need to learn these things, will learn them, is if we teach it to them.
Those of us who have been around a while need to mentor, not chide. I know how hard it can be sometimes. I see wives do the stupidest things every single day, and then defend their "right" to do them because it's a free country, while in the same breath, insisting they deserve all the privileges of military life. YES, I see the contradiction in that, and I point it out to them. I wait until I get home to scream and throw things because it's so frustrating. I don't tell them how stupid I think they're being, or how trashy they look, or try to publicly humiliate them. When I make a correction, I do it where others are unlikely to hear. Is it always well-received? Oh hell no, not even half the time! One thing that would make sure it would NEVER be well-received would be to do what this senior wife did, and act like an unabashed bitch in a very public way. That wasn't an attempt to mentor. It was an attempt to chastise. That is unacceptable at any rank, and more so the higher you get.
With that said, I know everyone has a bad day once in a while. It's still no excuse for acting like that. When I am having a day where I know I'm going to chew out the first Private's wife in pajamas I run across (don't laugh... it happens a lot. Many people think wearing pajamas to the PX or wherever, is totally acceptable these days.), I simply avoid that situation. Someone will always make an excuse for me, I'm not feeling well, I had conflicting plans, my husband is receiving an award and I've gone to the ceremony, I had an IEP meeting at Erin's school... Someone will cover me if I'm having a "NO BS" kind of day, and decide not to go to whatever it is. I find this effective. If you know you're going to chew someone out while there, simply don't go! That's one of the only great things about the "new Army". They really CAN'T make us do this stuff anymore. Use that to your advantage, and stop embarrassing yourself. If you're having a bad day, and can't put on your game face, stay home.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Vanity sizing, we meet again.
When I'm not pregnant, I can find clothes that fit. It's not as easy as it would be if I were roughly 3-4" shorter than I am and weighed roughly 20 pounds more than I do, but it's definitely feasible. I know my brands, and I know what fits. Not many make a long length in a size 2, but a few do, and lucky for me, their stuff is nice... not at all cheap, but nice (so thankfully I can wear the same pair of jeans for several years. You get your money's worth one way or another, I guess.)
When pregnant, it's a different story. I can't afford designer maternity clothes. They would fit me great, but I can't afford them. If we went to a military ball sometime within the next few months (which is supremely unlikely. I've sort of come to terms with the fact that I'm just not one of those wives who gets taken to the ball.), I would buy a designer maternity dress for that, but for everyday wear, I cannot afford designer maternity clothes. I want something that is pretty good (won't rip up in the wash or something) but priced reasonably enough that I can buy more than one outfit, and I really want it to fit. However, for the most part, I am absolutely out of luck when it comes to that.
I have my maternity clothes leftover from when I was pregnant with Orren, but it's mostly warm weather stuff. It was really warm that winter in Georgia, so I didn't buy any long sleeve tops (I just wore a jacket over my tanks and t's) and I only had like two pairs of jeans, which I rarely wore because they were too short. Here, it's too cold for that already, and we still have a whole winter and half the fall to go. It will likely snow before it's said and done, and we will see a lot of days that don't get above 30. The winter in the desert is harsher than a lot of people give it credit for, so I have to have warm clothes. I also don't like wearing high-waters, so I needed some pants that weren't too short.
There is ONE reasonably priced maternity clothes brand that sells my size in a long length, and that is Liz Lange for Target. The problem is that they NEVER have that in stores. You have to order online. I suppose it's my own fault for getting impatient, and wanting some jeans NOW and also not totally loving the waistbands on the Liz Lange pants (I have two pairs of them already, and the waistbands aren't that comfortable), we set off for the mall to see how I did at Motherhood Maternity. I bought some of my stuff there last time, and while I found their sizing kind of a pain (they only do S-M-L-XL), and their Small was a little too big for me at first, I love their waistbands, and I thought I'd just go ahead and try my luck.
I found a couple tops that are good, a sweater in a pretty mulberry color, and a sweater coat in chocolate brown. I found a pair of skinny jeans from Heidi Klum's maternity line, which I bought to go with the boots I bought with a Macy's gift card I got for my birthday (thanks, mom and dad!) I also found a really cute pair of jeans on the sale rack alongside the mulberry colored sweater that I bought, and they seemed long enough! (I wasn't concerned with the length of the skinny jeans since they'll be worn under boots anyhow.) Score! I bought them along with the rest. I didn't try anything on. I figured I already had stuff in that brand, and a Small fit me fine, so I would be fine again.
When I got home, I put on my skinny jeans with a lightweight purple sweater I have already (I got it at Target. They have cute tops anyhow...) They fit great, so I was really happy with that. This morning, I put on the other jeans and the mulberry colored sweater. The sweater is great. The jeans, on the other hand, are ENORMOUS!! What the hell, dude?!! A Small SHOULD be a 0-2. In reality, I would expect it to be about a 4. These are probably about an 8. I'm swimming in them. Yeah, the waistband is super comfortable, and they're cute, but holy crap, even maternity clothes get more and more vanity sized by the year! This size in this brand fit me at least ok just two years ago. I put these jeans up next to some of my shorts in this same brand and same size, and they are noticeably bigger. It's such bullshit!
I hear all the time about how hard it is to be plus sized and pregnant, how you can't find anything to wear. Well, from where I sit, it seems like they ONLY cater to the big girls. Plus sizes start at what? A 12? If a Small is about an 8 in some brands these days, plus sized girls should be fine in a Medium or a Large! What about those of us who start out pregnancy at a healthy weight, though? Are the maternity clothing companies trying to level the playing field? The fat girls get chewed out by their midwives or doctors, and sometimes get turned down for non-hospital birthing options, but we don't, so now they'll just give them something to wear while we scramble and swim in our clothing for 9 months or longer? OK, so I'm not very good at making up conspiracy theories! It sounded good at the time...
Here are my ideas for how to make it better:
1) No more S-M-L-XL sizing for pants. It's fine for shirts, but for pants, offer regular sizes, just with the maternity waistband. Women come in like dozens of sizes when not pregnant. Why would we come in only 4 sizes while pregnant?
2) Offer all sizes in a selection of lengths, at least regular and long. (Short people can always hem it. I can't tack on extra length. I'm not hating on the short folks. It's a fact of life that things can always be taken up, but hardly ever increased in length.)
3) Make waistbands very comfortable in all brands. The really thick ones aren't comfy. Plus, any midwife on the planet will tell you that it's bad to wear things that are constricting to the baby. That's one reason I could not wear my jeans when I got farther than about 30 weeks last time. My midwife vetoed them because their waistbands were too thick and constricting for the baby. The stretchy waistband from Motherhood Maternity is great. Underbelly waistbands are also great.
4) Realize that not all pregnant women have giant boobs. I have to really be careful what tops I buy because many are made to "show off that great cleavage" that all pregnant women are assumed to have. Right now, I'm rocking a nice small B-cup, which is about a cup size bigger than I usually am, and I may even see a full B before it's said and done (although I may not). Why do so many tops in a size Small seem to need at least a C or a D to fill out? Make some stuff for those of us who have smaller boobs. We need something to wear, too.
5) On that topic, can we get a better selection of nursing bras in small sizes, too?
Now, though all this, I do not fail to see the irony! Ask 1o0 random people who they think all clothes are made for, and at least 80 of them will tell you that all clothes are made for tall skinny women with no boobs. So why do those of us who kind of fit that description have such a time finding clothes, no matter what?? It's really kind of funny how backward it all is. It makes me wonder, if the world thinks all clothes are made for me, and that's evidently not true, just WHO are these clothes made for?
When pregnant, it's a different story. I can't afford designer maternity clothes. They would fit me great, but I can't afford them. If we went to a military ball sometime within the next few months (which is supremely unlikely. I've sort of come to terms with the fact that I'm just not one of those wives who gets taken to the ball.), I would buy a designer maternity dress for that, but for everyday wear, I cannot afford designer maternity clothes. I want something that is pretty good (won't rip up in the wash or something) but priced reasonably enough that I can buy more than one outfit, and I really want it to fit. However, for the most part, I am absolutely out of luck when it comes to that.
I have my maternity clothes leftover from when I was pregnant with Orren, but it's mostly warm weather stuff. It was really warm that winter in Georgia, so I didn't buy any long sleeve tops (I just wore a jacket over my tanks and t's) and I only had like two pairs of jeans, which I rarely wore because they were too short. Here, it's too cold for that already, and we still have a whole winter and half the fall to go. It will likely snow before it's said and done, and we will see a lot of days that don't get above 30. The winter in the desert is harsher than a lot of people give it credit for, so I have to have warm clothes. I also don't like wearing high-waters, so I needed some pants that weren't too short.
There is ONE reasonably priced maternity clothes brand that sells my size in a long length, and that is Liz Lange for Target. The problem is that they NEVER have that in stores. You have to order online. I suppose it's my own fault for getting impatient, and wanting some jeans NOW and also not totally loving the waistbands on the Liz Lange pants (I have two pairs of them already, and the waistbands aren't that comfortable), we set off for the mall to see how I did at Motherhood Maternity. I bought some of my stuff there last time, and while I found their sizing kind of a pain (they only do S-M-L-XL), and their Small was a little too big for me at first, I love their waistbands, and I thought I'd just go ahead and try my luck.
I found a couple tops that are good, a sweater in a pretty mulberry color, and a sweater coat in chocolate brown. I found a pair of skinny jeans from Heidi Klum's maternity line, which I bought to go with the boots I bought with a Macy's gift card I got for my birthday (thanks, mom and dad!) I also found a really cute pair of jeans on the sale rack alongside the mulberry colored sweater that I bought, and they seemed long enough! (I wasn't concerned with the length of the skinny jeans since they'll be worn under boots anyhow.) Score! I bought them along with the rest. I didn't try anything on. I figured I already had stuff in that brand, and a Small fit me fine, so I would be fine again.
When I got home, I put on my skinny jeans with a lightweight purple sweater I have already (I got it at Target. They have cute tops anyhow...) They fit great, so I was really happy with that. This morning, I put on the other jeans and the mulberry colored sweater. The sweater is great. The jeans, on the other hand, are ENORMOUS!! What the hell, dude?!! A Small SHOULD be a 0-2. In reality, I would expect it to be about a 4. These are probably about an 8. I'm swimming in them. Yeah, the waistband is super comfortable, and they're cute, but holy crap, even maternity clothes get more and more vanity sized by the year! This size in this brand fit me at least ok just two years ago. I put these jeans up next to some of my shorts in this same brand and same size, and they are noticeably bigger. It's such bullshit!
I hear all the time about how hard it is to be plus sized and pregnant, how you can't find anything to wear. Well, from where I sit, it seems like they ONLY cater to the big girls. Plus sizes start at what? A 12? If a Small is about an 8 in some brands these days, plus sized girls should be fine in a Medium or a Large! What about those of us who start out pregnancy at a healthy weight, though? Are the maternity clothing companies trying to level the playing field? The fat girls get chewed out by their midwives or doctors, and sometimes get turned down for non-hospital birthing options, but we don't, so now they'll just give them something to wear while we scramble and swim in our clothing for 9 months or longer? OK, so I'm not very good at making up conspiracy theories! It sounded good at the time...
Here are my ideas for how to make it better:
1) No more S-M-L-XL sizing for pants. It's fine for shirts, but for pants, offer regular sizes, just with the maternity waistband. Women come in like dozens of sizes when not pregnant. Why would we come in only 4 sizes while pregnant?
2) Offer all sizes in a selection of lengths, at least regular and long. (Short people can always hem it. I can't tack on extra length. I'm not hating on the short folks. It's a fact of life that things can always be taken up, but hardly ever increased in length.)
3) Make waistbands very comfortable in all brands. The really thick ones aren't comfy. Plus, any midwife on the planet will tell you that it's bad to wear things that are constricting to the baby. That's one reason I could not wear my jeans when I got farther than about 30 weeks last time. My midwife vetoed them because their waistbands were too thick and constricting for the baby. The stretchy waistband from Motherhood Maternity is great. Underbelly waistbands are also great.
4) Realize that not all pregnant women have giant boobs. I have to really be careful what tops I buy because many are made to "show off that great cleavage" that all pregnant women are assumed to have. Right now, I'm rocking a nice small B-cup, which is about a cup size bigger than I usually am, and I may even see a full B before it's said and done (although I may not). Why do so many tops in a size Small seem to need at least a C or a D to fill out? Make some stuff for those of us who have smaller boobs. We need something to wear, too.
5) On that topic, can we get a better selection of nursing bras in small sizes, too?
Now, though all this, I do not fail to see the irony! Ask 1o0 random people who they think all clothes are made for, and at least 80 of them will tell you that all clothes are made for tall skinny women with no boobs. So why do those of us who kind of fit that description have such a time finding clothes, no matter what?? It's really kind of funny how backward it all is. It makes me wonder, if the world thinks all clothes are made for me, and that's evidently not true, just WHO are these clothes made for?
Saturday, November 13, 2010
It's just not Christmas without the PX
Another thing occurred to me today after our trip to check out the new PX. Like every other retailer, they have their holiday stuff out, and since we didn't have anything else to do, we decided to walk through and have a look.
There is something inherently charming about the PX. They have something for every military price range, and it's all lined up together in neat little rows on shelves that may remind you of Target or Wal Mart. There are things that are very cheap (for the lower-enlisted) which look right on these shelves. Right next to them, there are things that are mid-grade (for people like us), and is believable on those shelves as well. Then there is the stuff that's more in range for the very senior personnel, and it looks very out of place on the shelf right next to cheap and mid-grade stuff, but that's the whole thing about the PX. Where else can you find crappy plastic ornaments and intricate crystal ones side by side? Where else do you see tacky plastic turkey platters next to gorgeous Polish pottery (which I NEED to buy some of before Thak gets out... how can I be a soldier's wife for so many years and have no Polish pottery? That stuff is an Army tradition!)? It makes absolutely no sense to the rest of the world, but to us, it does. It's not Christmas without AAFES' mixed up holiday displays.
It's a little sad that this is our last holiday season with the Army. I love the Army at the holidays... the half-day schedules, the commanders being nice, the sales at the commissary, AAFES Christmas specials, the insane lighting displays in post housing where nobody pays their own electric bill... Even when Thak was deployed, the Army was nice at the holidays. I can't believe it's our last year. Thak's going to hate me by the time it's said and done. I'm going to drag him to the PX every chance I get until *I* get sick of it!
There is something inherently charming about the PX. They have something for every military price range, and it's all lined up together in neat little rows on shelves that may remind you of Target or Wal Mart. There are things that are very cheap (for the lower-enlisted) which look right on these shelves. Right next to them, there are things that are mid-grade (for people like us), and is believable on those shelves as well. Then there is the stuff that's more in range for the very senior personnel, and it looks very out of place on the shelf right next to cheap and mid-grade stuff, but that's the whole thing about the PX. Where else can you find crappy plastic ornaments and intricate crystal ones side by side? Where else do you see tacky plastic turkey platters next to gorgeous Polish pottery (which I NEED to buy some of before Thak gets out... how can I be a soldier's wife for so many years and have no Polish pottery? That stuff is an Army tradition!)? It makes absolutely no sense to the rest of the world, but to us, it does. It's not Christmas without AAFES' mixed up holiday displays.
It's a little sad that this is our last holiday season with the Army. I love the Army at the holidays... the half-day schedules, the commanders being nice, the sales at the commissary, AAFES Christmas specials, the insane lighting displays in post housing where nobody pays their own electric bill... Even when Thak was deployed, the Army was nice at the holidays. I can't believe it's our last year. Thak's going to hate me by the time it's said and done. I'm going to drag him to the PX every chance I get until *I* get sick of it!
It's still just a PX.
We went to the new PX today. There is a lot there, and it does look lovely. They have the kind of sidewalk fountains that all the kids will play in when it gets warm again. They have an outdoor fireplace where people can sit and drink coffee and stuff. They have lots of restaurants, which are way less crowded than the ones off post. The bagel shop is quite good. We had lunch there. That's about where the great ends, though.
The playground they made so much fuss about is only for toddlers, and would bore Erin to death even if she were allowed to play in it (they height restrict it and she is 6" too tall). It's also outside, and it's too cold to really sit out there much anymore. The PX still has just as crappy a selection of stuff as every other PX on the planet. We had gone to see about getting me some more maternity clothes because Target had next to nothing in my size, and I have no winter stuff (didn't really ever need it in GA, but I do need it here). The maternity section was two racks of clothes which all sucked and were way too big and way too short for me, and half a rack of nursing bras which were actually really nice and at excellent prices, but they were all huge, so that was no good for us either. We also tried to find some white turtlenecks for Erin to wear under her uniform shirts since it's getting colder, but they had none of those. In other words, AAFES is still the same old bust as it always has been.
I do think it's funny how everyone is flipping out about the possibility of civilians coming to post since they now have made it easy access during certain access so that civilians can use the food places and movie theater. As we sat in the middle of the food court, eating our lunch of pizza bagels and fruit, I asked Thak if he saw one person who seemed like a non-ID-card-holder. He didn't. I didn't either. Most of the guys we saw were obviously Active Duty (you can tell by the hair and the mannerisms). Every one who wasn't Active Duty was a vet (Again, that's usually pretty obvious). Every female there was either in uniform, or obviously with one of the aforementioned guys. All the kids were obviously with some of the previously mentioned adults. There were NO civilian families in the PX today, and it's a Saturday. If there is ever any day that it would be hopping with them, it would be today. It really seemed pretty quiet, which I'll say, was nice. It only took us a minute to find a parking space. We didn't have to wait in line to get our lunch. We easily found a table. There were no crowds to fight, and everyone was really relaxed and friendly. When we were looking for the bagel shop, another soldier who was walking by asked us what we were looking for, and then told us where it was. As we were leaving, we ran into one of Thak's friends from work and stopped to talk with him and his wife for a minute. All in all, the new PX is very chill, definitely not the nightmare of overcrowding that so many of the people have been talking about it as being.
In all, it was nice. We'll go again to eat, I'm sure. At the end of the day, though, it's still just a PX like any other. I'll be very glad when the frenzy dies down. It really is uncalled for... Those bagels really were good, though. I'll probably go on post to the bagel shop even after Thak gets out of the Army... just because there isn't a comparable one off post, and I can meet my military friends there easily. Plus, they have good coffee and they're not Starbucks, which I boycott. That is some good that came out of it. The new PX has great food.
The playground they made so much fuss about is only for toddlers, and would bore Erin to death even if she were allowed to play in it (they height restrict it and she is 6" too tall). It's also outside, and it's too cold to really sit out there much anymore. The PX still has just as crappy a selection of stuff as every other PX on the planet. We had gone to see about getting me some more maternity clothes because Target had next to nothing in my size, and I have no winter stuff (didn't really ever need it in GA, but I do need it here). The maternity section was two racks of clothes which all sucked and were way too big and way too short for me, and half a rack of nursing bras which were actually really nice and at excellent prices, but they were all huge, so that was no good for us either. We also tried to find some white turtlenecks for Erin to wear under her uniform shirts since it's getting colder, but they had none of those. In other words, AAFES is still the same old bust as it always has been.
I do think it's funny how everyone is flipping out about the possibility of civilians coming to post since they now have made it easy access during certain access so that civilians can use the food places and movie theater. As we sat in the middle of the food court, eating our lunch of pizza bagels and fruit, I asked Thak if he saw one person who seemed like a non-ID-card-holder. He didn't. I didn't either. Most of the guys we saw were obviously Active Duty (you can tell by the hair and the mannerisms). Every one who wasn't Active Duty was a vet (Again, that's usually pretty obvious). Every female there was either in uniform, or obviously with one of the aforementioned guys. All the kids were obviously with some of the previously mentioned adults. There were NO civilian families in the PX today, and it's a Saturday. If there is ever any day that it would be hopping with them, it would be today. It really seemed pretty quiet, which I'll say, was nice. It only took us a minute to find a parking space. We didn't have to wait in line to get our lunch. We easily found a table. There were no crowds to fight, and everyone was really relaxed and friendly. When we were looking for the bagel shop, another soldier who was walking by asked us what we were looking for, and then told us where it was. As we were leaving, we ran into one of Thak's friends from work and stopped to talk with him and his wife for a minute. All in all, the new PX is very chill, definitely not the nightmare of overcrowding that so many of the people have been talking about it as being.
In all, it was nice. We'll go again to eat, I'm sure. At the end of the day, though, it's still just a PX like any other. I'll be very glad when the frenzy dies down. It really is uncalled for... Those bagels really were good, though. I'll probably go on post to the bagel shop even after Thak gets out of the Army... just because there isn't a comparable one off post, and I can meet my military friends there easily. Plus, they have good coffee and they're not Starbucks, which I boycott. That is some good that came out of it. The new PX has great food.
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