I found this article through American Women Veterans recently, and it's been on my mind ever since. It's just so awful, yet so typical of the Army, to do something like this.
I've never made any secret of the fact that I support full and unrestricted legalization of marijuana. Medical use is the first step to that, and a lot of states are now on board with this. At bare minimum, the least we can do as a self-professed progressive nation, is to allow people who would benefit from marijuana use as a medical treatment, to obtain and use it without worrying about getting busted by law enforcement just for trying to cope with whichever of the numerous diseases it helps with, that they may be affected by.
The US Army, as always, is far behind the times when it comes to this. I can think of a dozen ways in which the Army generally goes along with the laws of the state any given soldier is in. Most post commanders have their Military Police enforce traffic laws the same way local police do so that there is consistency. Post housing goes along with local trends. Food prices in the commissary are fairly commensurate with local trends as well. This medical marijuana dilemma is one thing in which the Army lags big time, and it comes down to just a couple of things. One of which is, of course, the simple refusal to see marijuana as something other than the 1960's classroom film Reefer Madness portrays it to be. The other is the good old boys' club "because we say so, that's why" mentality that is absolutely pervasive Army-wide.
This soldier did nothing wrong. She was a licensed medical marijuana user. Her doctor, the one who prescribed and supplied the marijuana to her, is a retired Colonel! It's not like she went and bought it on a street corner and just tried to say it was for medical use. It was a bona fide case of marijuana use being the best treatment for the things that ailed her, and a licensed doctor with military experience, knowing that and acting accordingly. Now the Army is doing what the Army always does, and creating a paper trail to make things look the way they want them to look. It's kind of scary. I remember when I was in high school, and I saw a t-shirt on one of my classmates that said "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." I thought it was funny, but it was only when I joined the Army that I learned that it's actually true! Stupid, stuck in the mud, unprogressive people in large groups can do most anything they want, and they are having their way with this medical marijuana issue. They better not win this one, although if I had to bet money on one side or the other of this case, the only safe bet is the Army, because they pretty much always get their way. They seem to love sending female soldiers to jail for stupid shit a lot in recent years. If they do it to this one, then I'd say they've reached a new all-time low, even for them.
The thing I hate the most is the reaction of so many soldiers. I can't believe everyone is so up in arms about a little bit of pot. I guarantee every one of the ones who's crucifying this soldier has thrown an all night drunken rager of a party in the barracks a time or ten. Honestly, for my buck, soldiers would be better off if ALL they did was smoke pot, and alcohol was the thing that was severely restricted. Taking a bong hit after work isn't going to make you puke all over the Commander's shoes on the company run in the morning, but downing a 6-pack after work is nearly guaranteed to. Any controlled substance can affect duty performance, but if you ask any Vietnam vet, they will tell you without hesitation that the drunks in their unit were 100x worse than the stoners. The Army has this thing backward. If that soldier came in and said, "Yeah, the pain is so bad I drink a fifth of Jack Daniels before bed every night." they would send her to counseling for evaluation for an alcohol problem. Since she said she's a medical marijuana user (and provided official documentation, no less!) she's a hardened criminal as far as they're concerned. What a load of crap. The Army's marijuana policy is an exercise in hypocrisy. This, of course, is no surprise.
I just wonder how long it's going to take the Army to get with the times. My guess? 20+ years.
Showing posts with label Army. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Army. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
At what cost, and for what noble cause?
Every Veterans for Peace member knows the rally cry, "For what noble cause?" This, of course, is in relation to the lives lost and disrupted by the wars our country has waged within our lifetime. I was reminded of it again today in a slightly different, but really, just a more pedestrian, context.
I don't think any recruiter in all the Army will ever tell someone that the last year they serve will be the hardest of them all, no matter what the previous years may have consisted of. Nope, that 15 month Iraq deployment when it rained mortars every day and your brigade took more casualties in a month than the next nearest took in a year, was not as hard as the last year you will serve. It's a mental game, you see, and it goes for the family, too, at least in many cases.
The reason it's so hard is because there comes a point for every soldier, when the wool ceases to cover their eyes, and they realize that everything asked of them up to this point, has been total bullshit, and hasn't meant a single thing in the grand scheme of their life and the world. Sure, people say "thanks for your service" everywhere we go now, which is a damn sight better than being spit on like our Vietnam Era comrades were. It's empty, though, because really, no matter how many years you served, unless you were in the National Guard at some point, and actually were activated to help during a natural disaster here at home, the average Joe or Jane hasn't done anything to directly benefit the American people. Ask Thak what he's done for the American people, and he'll tell you about filling sandbags at the Red River in order to try to save people's homes, as it overflowed its banks, when he was a member of the Minnesota National Guard. He flunked out of college for all the time he missed to do it (which is why he had to go Active Duty in the first place), but he would gladly do it again tomorrow if it meant he helped somebody. THAT is service to the American people, and when you're Active Duty, there is really none of that.
Sure, you can spout all the neo-con rhetoric you want about keeping us safe from terrorists with all these massive overseas deployments of troops, but really, that end would be just as well accomplished with a few intelligence-gathering special operations troops on scene, and an administration who took the intel they gathered seriously. Our military could better protect us if kept at home, and in truth, is grossly inflated compared to what it should be. I mean, they renamed the War Department as The Department of Defense, hundreds of years ago, right? So why are we functioning like a War Department again? If we truly were simply for defense, our military could be 1/4 the size that it is, and defense spending could drop by about 90% because we wouldn't be sent all over the world to do corporate and political fatcats' dirty bidding every time we turn around.
That's why I say the average soldier these days has not served the American people, through no fault of his/her own, and no fault of most of the American people, of course, but that's just the way it is these days. Of course, most soldiers go through however long they decide to serve, never quite realizing this, and when they do, usually as they're preparing to get out, it's like the biggest reality check in the world. Once you hit that point, it gets extremely hard to put your uniform on in the morning, and go play these people's stupid game day in and day out. You should see Thak these days. He's not the same person I've always known him to be. Anyone who's never served might find these changes in their husband's approach to life a bit scary, but I know he's just ready to be free, and it can't happen quick enough for him. That's one of the reasons the last year is the hardest.
Another big reason is that when you're walking around amid people with blinders on, and you've cast yours off completely, you have a lot of sheeple logic to deal with. (Actually, calling it logic is a gross overstatement.) Anyone who finds out you're on your way out tells you how stupid you are. For a wife, anyone who finds out that you're in full support of your husband's decision to get out, tells you they feel sorry for you, and how lucky they feel that their husband never wants to get out, because the Army is so good for families.
Dude, if the Army is good for families, then hell has officially frozen over. Last I checked, recent studies show that the harmful effects of repeated deployments on children are substantial, and only get worse the older the kids are. Babies born during deployments have been shown to never fully bond with their fathers in a great many cases. The PTSD rate for troops with two or more tours is 30%, and the divorce rate for troops with PTSD is over 60%, usually within the first year, post-diagnosis. The rate of domestic violence in those homes is much higher than the rate of divorce. The Army is GREAT for families, isn't it? If spending every other year apart won't put your marriage in the toilet, get your husband back totally mentally fucked after a few tours, and see how it goes. If your kids are too attached to their daddy, the simple remedy is to send him away for about half their childhood, and then by the time they're teenagers, they can take happy pills just like dear old mom, suicide risk be damned. (I mean, when the only thing that will make it better is to have your husband/father home, and that's NOT going to happen, all the doctors CAN do is drug people. Over 75% of military wives are on anti-depressants. The rate climbs every day for children.)
Oh, and as if that weren't enough, have fun planning ANYTHING. Above a certain rank, your holidays will all get ruined by some low ranking idiot who just had to go get arrested for DUI or beating up his wife, and there goes your holiday. Oh, and not to mention that even on your off days, you can totally be called in for something dumb and pointless that totally could have either been done not at all, or waited until duty hours. Plan a fun weekend away, and it has a good chance of being ruined by some idiot on a power trip who just has to convince everybody (probably most of all themselves) that they have the authority to make people do stuff, even if it's really pointless stuff. Ask me how many times this has happened in the past year alone. On second thought, don't. You really don't even want to know.
The fact is that for every pro there is to staying in the Army, there are at least as many cons. Sure, it's a steady paycheck, with decent benefits, and you can't be fired without notice... even if you do end up getting out unexpectedly for whatever reason, you'll still have months to prepare for it since it takes a while to process discharge paperwork and clear post. There are up sides to the Army. There's no denying that.
The thing is, though, that while pros exist, they cost too much, and the cost is not for any noble cause. If you offered me and Thak a million dollars for another year of our marriage, and another year of our kids' childhoods to be spent without daddy, we would laugh in your face. Time is priceless, and that's what the Army takes from people. I'm sorry, but no amount of money is worth it, particularly not what they're offering. Sure, we're to a place that we are pretty comfortable financially. Most people in the Army (including a great many Company Grade officers) actually make LESS than what Thak does, so most of these people who are telling us how stupid we are to walk away from this shit storm are allowing the best years of their lives to be bought off them for pay I wouldn't dare try to raise a family on, and a benefits package that really isn't as great as many people think it is. It slays me.
I guess it's just that we've given so much, and it's as if it's never enough. By the time Thak gets out, he'll have served 18 years, if you count Active Duty and National Guard time. I will have been in some affiliation with the Army, whether as soldier, girlfriend, or wife, for 10 years. That will be over 1/3 of my life, and over 1/2 of his, but it's not enough. We're stupid. We're weak. We can't take the heat, and need to get out of the kitchen. We're a disgrace to the uniform. We're unpatriotic. These are things that have been said to us by other military people (most of whom have done substantially less than we have) in the months since we went very public with the fact that Thak is getting out, and it just gets more and more common, the closer we get to the end. I think that's the biggest thing the recruiter really should have to tell people. No matter how much you serve, no matter how many tours you do, or how hard they are, no matter how many medals you are awarded, or how ridiculously high those medals are for someone of your rank to have, it will never be enough; And when you get out, you will be regarded as a quitter even if you have given all you have to give to this bullshit cause. The more prepared and premeditated your decision to get out, the more people will reel against you, and wish you failure.
The good part is that with the wool off of your eyes, you can see that they are the ones who are blind, who can't see an inch past their nose, to make real decisions, and see that it's possible to make it on your own, to be free. They are the ones who need Uncle Sam's safety net, and who can't imagine people living without it could possibly be successful, or even ok. They see no difference between the person who's getting out on a whim because his squad leader is a jerk, and the person who's been working toward this goal for years, goes to night school, and should have 6 months of living expenses saved up by the time he gets out. Any rational person can see that one is an idiot who's acting impulsively, and will likely fail, whereas the other has tried hard to set himself up for success, and has just as good a chance on the outside as any other intelligent person.
Thak and I talk about this a lot, and yesterday, he said, "I'm so glad you're not one of those wives who can be bought by a few social programs and tax-free shopping." I replied that I'm glad he's not one of those soldiers who can be bought with empty promises of good assignments that never come through, and the blind faith that promotions get easier the longer you go on (FYI, they don't). I'm glad we both see that Uncle Sam's offering price for our freedom, and years of our family's life as such, is insultingly low, and will not allow our favor to be bought so cheaply, especially since this noble cause they try to sell everybody on, simply does not exist.
Go on, lifers. Keep receiving your paltry compensation for the asinine things asked of you. Keep on believing the line of crap that you're fed about how heroic your "sacrifice" is, and how noble the cause is. I just have to ask you one thing, though. What exactly is it that you think you're doing this for? I know why we're doing what we're doing. Can you say the same with any real certainty?
I don't think any recruiter in all the Army will ever tell someone that the last year they serve will be the hardest of them all, no matter what the previous years may have consisted of. Nope, that 15 month Iraq deployment when it rained mortars every day and your brigade took more casualties in a month than the next nearest took in a year, was not as hard as the last year you will serve. It's a mental game, you see, and it goes for the family, too, at least in many cases.
The reason it's so hard is because there comes a point for every soldier, when the wool ceases to cover their eyes, and they realize that everything asked of them up to this point, has been total bullshit, and hasn't meant a single thing in the grand scheme of their life and the world. Sure, people say "thanks for your service" everywhere we go now, which is a damn sight better than being spit on like our Vietnam Era comrades were. It's empty, though, because really, no matter how many years you served, unless you were in the National Guard at some point, and actually were activated to help during a natural disaster here at home, the average Joe or Jane hasn't done anything to directly benefit the American people. Ask Thak what he's done for the American people, and he'll tell you about filling sandbags at the Red River in order to try to save people's homes, as it overflowed its banks, when he was a member of the Minnesota National Guard. He flunked out of college for all the time he missed to do it (which is why he had to go Active Duty in the first place), but he would gladly do it again tomorrow if it meant he helped somebody. THAT is service to the American people, and when you're Active Duty, there is really none of that.
Sure, you can spout all the neo-con rhetoric you want about keeping us safe from terrorists with all these massive overseas deployments of troops, but really, that end would be just as well accomplished with a few intelligence-gathering special operations troops on scene, and an administration who took the intel they gathered seriously. Our military could better protect us if kept at home, and in truth, is grossly inflated compared to what it should be. I mean, they renamed the War Department as The Department of Defense, hundreds of years ago, right? So why are we functioning like a War Department again? If we truly were simply for defense, our military could be 1/4 the size that it is, and defense spending could drop by about 90% because we wouldn't be sent all over the world to do corporate and political fatcats' dirty bidding every time we turn around.
That's why I say the average soldier these days has not served the American people, through no fault of his/her own, and no fault of most of the American people, of course, but that's just the way it is these days. Of course, most soldiers go through however long they decide to serve, never quite realizing this, and when they do, usually as they're preparing to get out, it's like the biggest reality check in the world. Once you hit that point, it gets extremely hard to put your uniform on in the morning, and go play these people's stupid game day in and day out. You should see Thak these days. He's not the same person I've always known him to be. Anyone who's never served might find these changes in their husband's approach to life a bit scary, but I know he's just ready to be free, and it can't happen quick enough for him. That's one of the reasons the last year is the hardest.
Another big reason is that when you're walking around amid people with blinders on, and you've cast yours off completely, you have a lot of sheeple logic to deal with. (Actually, calling it logic is a gross overstatement.) Anyone who finds out you're on your way out tells you how stupid you are. For a wife, anyone who finds out that you're in full support of your husband's decision to get out, tells you they feel sorry for you, and how lucky they feel that their husband never wants to get out, because the Army is so good for families.
Dude, if the Army is good for families, then hell has officially frozen over. Last I checked, recent studies show that the harmful effects of repeated deployments on children are substantial, and only get worse the older the kids are. Babies born during deployments have been shown to never fully bond with their fathers in a great many cases. The PTSD rate for troops with two or more tours is 30%, and the divorce rate for troops with PTSD is over 60%, usually within the first year, post-diagnosis. The rate of domestic violence in those homes is much higher than the rate of divorce. The Army is GREAT for families, isn't it? If spending every other year apart won't put your marriage in the toilet, get your husband back totally mentally fucked after a few tours, and see how it goes. If your kids are too attached to their daddy, the simple remedy is to send him away for about half their childhood, and then by the time they're teenagers, they can take happy pills just like dear old mom, suicide risk be damned. (I mean, when the only thing that will make it better is to have your husband/father home, and that's NOT going to happen, all the doctors CAN do is drug people. Over 75% of military wives are on anti-depressants. The rate climbs every day for children.)
Oh, and as if that weren't enough, have fun planning ANYTHING. Above a certain rank, your holidays will all get ruined by some low ranking idiot who just had to go get arrested for DUI or beating up his wife, and there goes your holiday. Oh, and not to mention that even on your off days, you can totally be called in for something dumb and pointless that totally could have either been done not at all, or waited until duty hours. Plan a fun weekend away, and it has a good chance of being ruined by some idiot on a power trip who just has to convince everybody (probably most of all themselves) that they have the authority to make people do stuff, even if it's really pointless stuff. Ask me how many times this has happened in the past year alone. On second thought, don't. You really don't even want to know.
The fact is that for every pro there is to staying in the Army, there are at least as many cons. Sure, it's a steady paycheck, with decent benefits, and you can't be fired without notice... even if you do end up getting out unexpectedly for whatever reason, you'll still have months to prepare for it since it takes a while to process discharge paperwork and clear post. There are up sides to the Army. There's no denying that.
The thing is, though, that while pros exist, they cost too much, and the cost is not for any noble cause. If you offered me and Thak a million dollars for another year of our marriage, and another year of our kids' childhoods to be spent without daddy, we would laugh in your face. Time is priceless, and that's what the Army takes from people. I'm sorry, but no amount of money is worth it, particularly not what they're offering. Sure, we're to a place that we are pretty comfortable financially. Most people in the Army (including a great many Company Grade officers) actually make LESS than what Thak does, so most of these people who are telling us how stupid we are to walk away from this shit storm are allowing the best years of their lives to be bought off them for pay I wouldn't dare try to raise a family on, and a benefits package that really isn't as great as many people think it is. It slays me.
I guess it's just that we've given so much, and it's as if it's never enough. By the time Thak gets out, he'll have served 18 years, if you count Active Duty and National Guard time. I will have been in some affiliation with the Army, whether as soldier, girlfriend, or wife, for 10 years. That will be over 1/3 of my life, and over 1/2 of his, but it's not enough. We're stupid. We're weak. We can't take the heat, and need to get out of the kitchen. We're a disgrace to the uniform. We're unpatriotic. These are things that have been said to us by other military people (most of whom have done substantially less than we have) in the months since we went very public with the fact that Thak is getting out, and it just gets more and more common, the closer we get to the end. I think that's the biggest thing the recruiter really should have to tell people. No matter how much you serve, no matter how many tours you do, or how hard they are, no matter how many medals you are awarded, or how ridiculously high those medals are for someone of your rank to have, it will never be enough; And when you get out, you will be regarded as a quitter even if you have given all you have to give to this bullshit cause. The more prepared and premeditated your decision to get out, the more people will reel against you, and wish you failure.
The good part is that with the wool off of your eyes, you can see that they are the ones who are blind, who can't see an inch past their nose, to make real decisions, and see that it's possible to make it on your own, to be free. They are the ones who need Uncle Sam's safety net, and who can't imagine people living without it could possibly be successful, or even ok. They see no difference between the person who's getting out on a whim because his squad leader is a jerk, and the person who's been working toward this goal for years, goes to night school, and should have 6 months of living expenses saved up by the time he gets out. Any rational person can see that one is an idiot who's acting impulsively, and will likely fail, whereas the other has tried hard to set himself up for success, and has just as good a chance on the outside as any other intelligent person.
Thak and I talk about this a lot, and yesterday, he said, "I'm so glad you're not one of those wives who can be bought by a few social programs and tax-free shopping." I replied that I'm glad he's not one of those soldiers who can be bought with empty promises of good assignments that never come through, and the blind faith that promotions get easier the longer you go on (FYI, they don't). I'm glad we both see that Uncle Sam's offering price for our freedom, and years of our family's life as such, is insultingly low, and will not allow our favor to be bought so cheaply, especially since this noble cause they try to sell everybody on, simply does not exist.
Go on, lifers. Keep receiving your paltry compensation for the asinine things asked of you. Keep on believing the line of crap that you're fed about how heroic your "sacrifice" is, and how noble the cause is. I just have to ask you one thing, though. What exactly is it that you think you're doing this for? I know why we're doing what we're doing. Can you say the same with any real certainty?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Doing it Private Sector style.
I went grocery shopping yesterday. It's hard with two kids, but it's better than doing it on the weekend where I'd have Thak and his impulse buying along for the ride. (Bringing Thak grocery shopping with me saves me from heavy lifting and child wrangling, but makes our bill an average of $100 more. It's definitely well worth my patience, sanity, and energy to drag the kids along, and deal with their shenanigans on my own to get out of there $100 richer than we would otherwise.)
Anyhow, I asked Thak if I had to go to the commissary, and to my surprise and delight, he said no!! I was thrilled! I hate going to the commissary so much that I actually didn't grocery shop last pay period. I just fed us off whatever I had in the freezer and pantry and pocketed my grocery money. Nobody knew any different. I keep a huge stockpile of food (in rotating stock) in preparation for the months between Thak getting out of the Army and graduating from school, so it was really easy to get two weeks out of it. The ENTIRE reason I didn't shop last pay period, other than small trips to nearby stores for odds and ends, is because I am just so DONE with the commissary. I'm just done with it. It's crowded, if you don't get there within half an hour of opening you can't get what you came for, and half the time, I run into people I cannot stand. I'm also sick of being stopped every 30 seconds and being asked to make somebody a purse. (I carry the diaper bag I made for myself. You can imagine...)
I find that I'm so much more relaxed when I shop off post. It's much less crowded, and they seldom run out of stuff, and the places I like to shop are not very popular with military people, plus I live in the least military part of the city. I just enjoy it so much more to shop off post. Plus, it takes so much less time! Going to the commissary is an all-day affair. Going to any of the off-post stores is like a couple hours, max. It's far easier to schedule around nap times, and stuff like that.
The only problem is that now, I have to go to more than one store, and they're on opposite sides of town, but that's not too bad. Awesome enough, Super Target on my side of town has a lot of good stuff, and a generic brand of organic foods that's really good, so that helps a lot. For what we can't get there, we go to Sun Harvest, which is the health food grocery on the other side of the mountain. It's a long trip, but at least the kids enjoy the drive through the mountain pass on our way to get some tahini, wild rice, fresh mint, and organic lamb (no, all these things are not for the same dish!)
We're doing it Private Sector Style for the rest of our lives! The only exception may be when they have a case lot sale at the commissary, but Thak has said he wants to join Costco instead, because their prices are as good and they have more organic foods there, so maybe I really have set foot on post for the last time. I hope so. Actually, probably not. I fully intend to go with Thak when he goes to his Final Out briefing on the day he turns in his ID card and receives his discharge papers. The reason I plan to do that is because I actually want to SEE Ft. Bliss in the rear-view mirror, and know that we are done with it forever.
I swear, we have more than one foot on the outside. This last year is so hard. Everyone always says it is because you're just so ready to be done with all this garbage, and you've done everything you can to set yourself up to live well on the outside, and you just want to get out into the real world, but the Army's not going to let go until it's time, and they're going to give you hell all the way there. I'll be so glad when that little red ticker in the left sidebar drops below a year. The months have been going by SO fast ever since we dropped below a year and a half. I hope this next year goes by just as fast. It needs to. It's time to be done with this stuff. In fact, when we drop below the year mark, I may go take the post decals off my car! (They're expired by a year and from Ft. Stewart anyhow, so they're no good.... It's the principle of the thing!)
Anyhow, I asked Thak if I had to go to the commissary, and to my surprise and delight, he said no!! I was thrilled! I hate going to the commissary so much that I actually didn't grocery shop last pay period. I just fed us off whatever I had in the freezer and pantry and pocketed my grocery money. Nobody knew any different. I keep a huge stockpile of food (in rotating stock) in preparation for the months between Thak getting out of the Army and graduating from school, so it was really easy to get two weeks out of it. The ENTIRE reason I didn't shop last pay period, other than small trips to nearby stores for odds and ends, is because I am just so DONE with the commissary. I'm just done with it. It's crowded, if you don't get there within half an hour of opening you can't get what you came for, and half the time, I run into people I cannot stand. I'm also sick of being stopped every 30 seconds and being asked to make somebody a purse. (I carry the diaper bag I made for myself. You can imagine...)
I find that I'm so much more relaxed when I shop off post. It's much less crowded, and they seldom run out of stuff, and the places I like to shop are not very popular with military people, plus I live in the least military part of the city. I just enjoy it so much more to shop off post. Plus, it takes so much less time! Going to the commissary is an all-day affair. Going to any of the off-post stores is like a couple hours, max. It's far easier to schedule around nap times, and stuff like that.
The only problem is that now, I have to go to more than one store, and they're on opposite sides of town, but that's not too bad. Awesome enough, Super Target on my side of town has a lot of good stuff, and a generic brand of organic foods that's really good, so that helps a lot. For what we can't get there, we go to Sun Harvest, which is the health food grocery on the other side of the mountain. It's a long trip, but at least the kids enjoy the drive through the mountain pass on our way to get some tahini, wild rice, fresh mint, and organic lamb (no, all these things are not for the same dish!)
We're doing it Private Sector Style for the rest of our lives! The only exception may be when they have a case lot sale at the commissary, but Thak has said he wants to join Costco instead, because their prices are as good and they have more organic foods there, so maybe I really have set foot on post for the last time. I hope so. Actually, probably not. I fully intend to go with Thak when he goes to his Final Out briefing on the day he turns in his ID card and receives his discharge papers. The reason I plan to do that is because I actually want to SEE Ft. Bliss in the rear-view mirror, and know that we are done with it forever.
I swear, we have more than one foot on the outside. This last year is so hard. Everyone always says it is because you're just so ready to be done with all this garbage, and you've done everything you can to set yourself up to live well on the outside, and you just want to get out into the real world, but the Army's not going to let go until it's time, and they're going to give you hell all the way there. I'll be so glad when that little red ticker in the left sidebar drops below a year. The months have been going by SO fast ever since we dropped below a year and a half. I hope this next year goes by just as fast. It needs to. It's time to be done with this stuff. In fact, when we drop below the year mark, I may go take the post decals off my car! (They're expired by a year and from Ft. Stewart anyhow, so they're no good.... It's the principle of the thing!)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
From the "strange things to lie about" files, comes this.
I swear, in the past six years, I've had enough stupid cross my path to last ten lifetimes. There is one thing that stands out to me above all others, though, and it came to my attention again today. Ever since Thak got promoted (and that's been a while, as most know), I find that people lie to me about their husbands' ranks. That's a dumb thing to do for a few reasons:
#1, Thak is not, by definition, high-ranking. Granted, his rank is worth more than the same rank in other specialties because he had to attain a nearly impossible standard to get it, and yes, I do tell people about this as a way of encouraging them to never give up (if he can make it, so can you!), but by definition, we sit in the top 1/3 enlisted rank-wise, but just. I'm not a Colonel's wife or something. (Insert cliche remark about how the enlisted work for a living.) I'm open about Thak's rank. I don't feel the need to hide it, as is fashionable with many wives these days, but I don't go treating other people like crap because of it or anything. I hang out with who I want to hang out with. In most cases, their husbands are within one rank of Thak, but not always. If I'm hanging out with you, the only way I would stop that on the basis of rank is if I found out you were his Commander's wife (and that's impossible because his Company and Battalion Commanders are both single), or that you were the wife of a lower ranking soldier within his platoon (again, impossible because most everyone's single here, and also because he's not in charge of anyone in his current position).
#2, This has got to be the most idiotic lie on the planet, because our husbands' rank is written all over everything, including them!! One girl told me her husband was the same rank as Thak, but when I went to pick something up from her house (she lives on post, and they put the soldiers' rank and name on the outside of the houses there) I saw that her husband was, in fact, two ranks lower! I wouldn't have minded that fact a bit, if not for the lie. (Yes, I'm sure it wasn't just an old sign.)
This same stupid garbage happened again today! This girl I've known since I got here has a husband two ranks below Thak. She's the one who just wouldn't let me have my credit for being instrumental in setting things up on a unit-level when we first got here, and always has to be up in everything as if she knows everything in the world about the Army. She's the one who I said I like quite well as a person, but cannot stand as an Army wife.
OK, anyhow, this girl told me a year ago that her husband was about to get promoted. In my world, that means you've been to the promotion board, and are working on accumulating enough points to make the cutoff score (or in the case of Senior NCO ranks, that you have made the list and are waiting for your sequence number to come up. It was points in this case.) I was actually friends with her at this point, and I told her that after he got promoted, I'd hand down some of Thak's old rank insignia, including his Class-A rank, which I'd sew onto her husband's Class-A jacket for him. That may sound weird to the civilians among us, but it's an Army tradition. It's good luck for someone who's newly pinned to any rank to receive hand-me-down rank insignia from someone who's done great things while in that rank, but has since gotten promoted. Thak's rank insignia is one hell of a gift, to be perfectly frank. Thak did more in that rank than most soldiers do in an entire career, including being awarded the Bronze Star during his third tour, which is a medal soldiers of that rank are pretty much never awarded while still alive. So basically, I offered generously to hand down Thak's rank insignia (he was great with that. He really wanted most of it out of here, and anyone who's a good honest NCO should receive it. Plus, Thak prefers to hand down his rank to Infantrymen, and this girl's husband is one.) Basically, the superstition is that being handed someone's rank insignia, and wearing that, will give you some attributes of that soldier. It's great to be gifted this from someone who's accomplished a lot.
Anyhow, I never heard another word about it from this girl, even though I would see her at least once a week in one context or another. I figured they'd run into problems with promotion points, like maybe they weren't promoting many this year, and her husband had no civilian education points (the hardest to get), and they were working on it, so I forgot all about it.
Well, that's actually incorrect. Turns out, he's going to the board next month. Really? Dude wasn't even promotable, and she told me he was? Screw that. Again, I wouldn't have had a problem with the fact that she was married to someone two ranks below Thak. I do not, for the life of me, understand the lie about his promotable status, though.
Oh, and this is rich. He's now going to be wearing the hand-me-down rank insignia of a total piece of crap NCO. Apparently, that NCO and his wife (yes, I know them very well, too) handed this rank down to them last year. THIS is why you don't do that. It's INCREDIBLY bad luck to hand down your old rank to somebody who's not been promoted to that rank yet. You hand it down AFTER the promotion is official. But yeah, anyhow, good luck with that juju.... you might wanna boil that rank before putting it on.... have fun.
Back on topic, though, why the hell do people lie to me about their husbands' ranks?!!!!!!! These are not the only two, just a couple recent examples..... crazy fools, the lot of you!!!
#1, Thak is not, by definition, high-ranking. Granted, his rank is worth more than the same rank in other specialties because he had to attain a nearly impossible standard to get it, and yes, I do tell people about this as a way of encouraging them to never give up (if he can make it, so can you!), but by definition, we sit in the top 1/3 enlisted rank-wise, but just. I'm not a Colonel's wife or something. (Insert cliche remark about how the enlisted work for a living.) I'm open about Thak's rank. I don't feel the need to hide it, as is fashionable with many wives these days, but I don't go treating other people like crap because of it or anything. I hang out with who I want to hang out with. In most cases, their husbands are within one rank of Thak, but not always. If I'm hanging out with you, the only way I would stop that on the basis of rank is if I found out you were his Commander's wife (and that's impossible because his Company and Battalion Commanders are both single), or that you were the wife of a lower ranking soldier within his platoon (again, impossible because most everyone's single here, and also because he's not in charge of anyone in his current position).
#2, This has got to be the most idiotic lie on the planet, because our husbands' rank is written all over everything, including them!! One girl told me her husband was the same rank as Thak, but when I went to pick something up from her house (she lives on post, and they put the soldiers' rank and name on the outside of the houses there) I saw that her husband was, in fact, two ranks lower! I wouldn't have minded that fact a bit, if not for the lie. (Yes, I'm sure it wasn't just an old sign.)
This same stupid garbage happened again today! This girl I've known since I got here has a husband two ranks below Thak. She's the one who just wouldn't let me have my credit for being instrumental in setting things up on a unit-level when we first got here, and always has to be up in everything as if she knows everything in the world about the Army. She's the one who I said I like quite well as a person, but cannot stand as an Army wife.
OK, anyhow, this girl told me a year ago that her husband was about to get promoted. In my world, that means you've been to the promotion board, and are working on accumulating enough points to make the cutoff score (or in the case of Senior NCO ranks, that you have made the list and are waiting for your sequence number to come up. It was points in this case.) I was actually friends with her at this point, and I told her that after he got promoted, I'd hand down some of Thak's old rank insignia, including his Class-A rank, which I'd sew onto her husband's Class-A jacket for him. That may sound weird to the civilians among us, but it's an Army tradition. It's good luck for someone who's newly pinned to any rank to receive hand-me-down rank insignia from someone who's done great things while in that rank, but has since gotten promoted. Thak's rank insignia is one hell of a gift, to be perfectly frank. Thak did more in that rank than most soldiers do in an entire career, including being awarded the Bronze Star during his third tour, which is a medal soldiers of that rank are pretty much never awarded while still alive. So basically, I offered generously to hand down Thak's rank insignia (he was great with that. He really wanted most of it out of here, and anyone who's a good honest NCO should receive it. Plus, Thak prefers to hand down his rank to Infantrymen, and this girl's husband is one.) Basically, the superstition is that being handed someone's rank insignia, and wearing that, will give you some attributes of that soldier. It's great to be gifted this from someone who's accomplished a lot.
Anyhow, I never heard another word about it from this girl, even though I would see her at least once a week in one context or another. I figured they'd run into problems with promotion points, like maybe they weren't promoting many this year, and her husband had no civilian education points (the hardest to get), and they were working on it, so I forgot all about it.
Well, that's actually incorrect. Turns out, he's going to the board next month. Really? Dude wasn't even promotable, and she told me he was? Screw that. Again, I wouldn't have had a problem with the fact that she was married to someone two ranks below Thak. I do not, for the life of me, understand the lie about his promotable status, though.
Oh, and this is rich. He's now going to be wearing the hand-me-down rank insignia of a total piece of crap NCO. Apparently, that NCO and his wife (yes, I know them very well, too) handed this rank down to them last year. THIS is why you don't do that. It's INCREDIBLY bad luck to hand down your old rank to somebody who's not been promoted to that rank yet. You hand it down AFTER the promotion is official. But yeah, anyhow, good luck with that juju.... you might wanna boil that rank before putting it on.... have fun.
Back on topic, though, why the hell do people lie to me about their husbands' ranks?!!!!!!! These are not the only two, just a couple recent examples..... crazy fools, the lot of you!!!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Playing the military card
Thak and I were talking today, because it occurred to me that one of the picture spammers in the photo contest we're in (which, thankfully, stopped taking entries yesterday, and will announce the winners tomorrow) is actually a friend of a friend from a previous duty station. She didn't have kids last time I saw her, but I guess she does now. Anyhow, some of this girl's ten billion photo entries just made me and Thak groan out loud. Of course, in one of them the kid was wearing his daddy's patrol cap (the baseball cap looking camouflage one). I mean, all kids like to wear their daddies' hats, but this was an obvious shameless attempt to play the military card. In others, as an equally obvious attempt at it, daddy was part of the backdrop... in uniform, of course.
That kind of thing may have flown five years ago, but today it really doesn't, and I'll tell you why:
1) Americans are so sick of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Public opinion runs somewhere between, "That's still going on?" and "I could not give a crap if I tried." Sure, there are the rare few who are military-supportive, but the majority of the nation is basically done with it, and honestly, as far as I'm concerned, that's pretty understandable. I believe in having fair laws that help with the constant moves that military families make. I believe in the Soldiers' and Sailors' Civil Relief Act. I believe in the new custody laws that are on the books, which make it illegal to take permanent custody away from a deployed soldier who is normally a child's primary parent. I believe in these things. These are good laws, and they serve only to level the playing field. I do not believe in widespread military ass-kissing, which is what a lot of these people want to see happening.
2) 90% of the people who serve today chose this war. What I mean is that it's exceptionally rare to find a soldier these days who was a peacetime enlistee AND who didn't reenlist within the past five years, when it was pretty obvious that these wars were here to stay for a good long time. Nobody can really pull the pity and sacrifice card when they CHOSE the war. In late 2011, it will be 100% accurate to say that EVERY soldier who's still serving chose the war, because by that time, all of the people who reenlisted indefinitely (were over their 10 year mark and above the rank of Sergeant) at the outset of the Afghanistan campaign, will have ample time in service to file their retirement papers, should they so choose. By NOT dropping a retirement packet, they are choosing the war. In fact, they are the only people in the Army today who did not choose the war. Everyone else did. Yes, that includes Thak, even though he reenlisted only a year into the Iraq campaign, and we had no idea it would go on this long, we own our mistake, and we know what it looks like to people.
3) Socially, women are getting tired of the military wives' "poor me" campaign. Granted, most web communities (parenting sites, women's forums, hobby boards, etc) are overrun by military wives. This is because military wives are alone a lot, and tend not to sleep much, so hanging out online is a good way to pass the time. It's obvious WHY the boards are overrun by military wives, but at the same time, it gets kind of stupid because of it. While I get just as annoyed as the next person when some wife of a salesman asks how she's supposed to cope with the fact that her husband has gone away on business to Denver for a week, I don't ever weigh in on those conversations because I probably wouldn't be nice. I admit, the first thought that crosses my mind when I read that is, "Give me a damned break. Suck it up and realize how lucky you are that your life is so easy you can flip out over a week apart from your civilian husband." but I never say that stuff. Unfortunately, it is a minority of military wives who ruin it for everyone, because they DEFINITELY weigh in on these conversations, and say things 10x as ugly as my internal dialogue could ever dream of being (and that's saying something). For this reason, a lot of American women really don't like military wives at all.
For these reasons, the military card is becoming less and less playable by the day, and understandably so. I don't play the military card. I usually tell people I don't know that my husband is a mechanic. It's true. He's in the ASE database. :)
That kind of thing may have flown five years ago, but today it really doesn't, and I'll tell you why:
1) Americans are so sick of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Public opinion runs somewhere between, "That's still going on?" and "I could not give a crap if I tried." Sure, there are the rare few who are military-supportive, but the majority of the nation is basically done with it, and honestly, as far as I'm concerned, that's pretty understandable. I believe in having fair laws that help with the constant moves that military families make. I believe in the Soldiers' and Sailors' Civil Relief Act. I believe in the new custody laws that are on the books, which make it illegal to take permanent custody away from a deployed soldier who is normally a child's primary parent. I believe in these things. These are good laws, and they serve only to level the playing field. I do not believe in widespread military ass-kissing, which is what a lot of these people want to see happening.
2) 90% of the people who serve today chose this war. What I mean is that it's exceptionally rare to find a soldier these days who was a peacetime enlistee AND who didn't reenlist within the past five years, when it was pretty obvious that these wars were here to stay for a good long time. Nobody can really pull the pity and sacrifice card when they CHOSE the war. In late 2011, it will be 100% accurate to say that EVERY soldier who's still serving chose the war, because by that time, all of the people who reenlisted indefinitely (were over their 10 year mark and above the rank of Sergeant) at the outset of the Afghanistan campaign, will have ample time in service to file their retirement papers, should they so choose. By NOT dropping a retirement packet, they are choosing the war. In fact, they are the only people in the Army today who did not choose the war. Everyone else did. Yes, that includes Thak, even though he reenlisted only a year into the Iraq campaign, and we had no idea it would go on this long, we own our mistake, and we know what it looks like to people.
3) Socially, women are getting tired of the military wives' "poor me" campaign. Granted, most web communities (parenting sites, women's forums, hobby boards, etc) are overrun by military wives. This is because military wives are alone a lot, and tend not to sleep much, so hanging out online is a good way to pass the time. It's obvious WHY the boards are overrun by military wives, but at the same time, it gets kind of stupid because of it. While I get just as annoyed as the next person when some wife of a salesman asks how she's supposed to cope with the fact that her husband has gone away on business to Denver for a week, I don't ever weigh in on those conversations because I probably wouldn't be nice. I admit, the first thought that crosses my mind when I read that is, "Give me a damned break. Suck it up and realize how lucky you are that your life is so easy you can flip out over a week apart from your civilian husband." but I never say that stuff. Unfortunately, it is a minority of military wives who ruin it for everyone, because they DEFINITELY weigh in on these conversations, and say things 10x as ugly as my internal dialogue could ever dream of being (and that's saying something). For this reason, a lot of American women really don't like military wives at all.
For these reasons, the military card is becoming less and less playable by the day, and understandably so. I don't play the military card. I usually tell people I don't know that my husband is a mechanic. It's true. He's in the ASE database. :)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Cool stuff.
This site is great for vets, or anyone who gives a crap about soldiers and vets. I'm totally late to this party, because apparently the mini-docs on there are a couple years old for the most part, but they're still totally pertinent, and really good. They're produced by vets, for vets, about vets, and there is NOTHING not to love about that!
What I do, since for some reason the video player on that site doesn't work well for me, is go there, find the episode I want to watch, and then search it on Youtube. It works great. Of course, you have to sort through more videos, and there are some which have only small snipets, but the youtube vids that have 8-9 minutes each are generally the ones you want. Each episode takes 2-3 of those to watch all the way. So yeah, it takes a little more work, but it's worth it. This is what I do at night after the kids go to bed and before Thak comes home from school. I watch vetTV! LOL OK, it's really called In Their Boots, but it's Vet TV if ever there was such a thing! It's real, doesn't gloss over jack shit, and minces no words... just like us. Gotta love that.
What I do, since for some reason the video player on that site doesn't work well for me, is go there, find the episode I want to watch, and then search it on Youtube. It works great. Of course, you have to sort through more videos, and there are some which have only small snipets, but the youtube vids that have 8-9 minutes each are generally the ones you want. Each episode takes 2-3 of those to watch all the way. So yeah, it takes a little more work, but it's worth it. This is what I do at night after the kids go to bed and before Thak comes home from school. I watch vetTV! LOL OK, it's really called In Their Boots, but it's Vet TV if ever there was such a thing! It's real, doesn't gloss over jack shit, and minces no words... just like us. Gotta love that.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Thou shalt not get out.
I could swear I remember with lucid clarity, the day I took my oath of enlistment. I must have missed a part, though... you know, the line where it says, "Til death do us part". No, last I knew, there were three ways to get out of the Army, only one of which is to die. Of course, the other socially acceptable way out of the Army is to retire, but I'm pretty sure it's still totally legitimate to let your contract expire, and just not serve anymore. In fact, I'm 100% sure that deal is still going on since it has been as long as there's been an Army, and will until the end of time, and NOWHERE in the oath of enlistment or commissioning does it EVER say that you swear to stay in the Army forever.
I was told today that someone is sorry for me because my husband is getting out of the Army. Seriously? You're SORRY for me because my husband loves me and our kids enough to choose us over the Army? Back assward logic if I've ever heard it. No, please do not be sorry for me that I am married to someone who recognizes that he'll never get back the years spent away from us, and that three is two too many. On a more professional level, I'm glad he knows when to walk away. You have NO IDEA how many idiots I served with who were probably great soldiers 10 years ago, but just wouldn't walk away when it was time. I respect Thak for not wanting to become that, and for making sure he won't.
People forget that I got out of the Army, too, once upon a time. Is it hard getting set up in the real world after having everything handed to you by Uncle Sam for however long? Yeah, it definitely is, but I'll tell you one other thing. There is NOTHING hard enough to negate the feeling that comes with living FREE after being so much less free while serving in defense of the freedom of others. Freedom tastes a lot sweeter when you don't take it for granted, and no vet does. I guess that's something military wives who have never served know little about.
I'm happy for Thak to be getting out. I'm tired of people asking me how I can support that decision. I look at them like they have lost their minds. These people all know I used to be in the Army, but am not currently (and am not old enough to have retired), therefore it's not a huge leap in logic to see that I got out. Why wouldn't I want that for Thak, too? Why wouldn't I want him to be free? I DO want him to be free. It is my greatest wish for him. How could anyone who claims to love someone NOT support their goal of living their way? Wives who pressure their husbands into reenlisting, when it's so obvious that he's just done with it, really irk me. I say if you're so attached to your military benefits, go enlist. Let him get out if he wants to. Making someone stay in the Army for years after they should have gotten out does nobody any favors, not that person, not the people above and below them, not anybody. It makes everybody miserable.
I'm also sick of the assumption that I think it's going to be easy on the outside. If I have to hear one more horror story of life on the outside from some wife who's never served, and whose husband has never gotten out, I'm going to scream. I know first hand that it's not easy out there, that the things that are guaranteed to every military person, are hard-earned on the outside, but they can still be had. It's not like the military has a corner market on half decent pay, health insurance, and youth activities.
I get the feeling that a lot of people (who should know better!) are making the assumption that we're going about this blindly, and will make the common mistake of figuring the world will fall at our feet the day we leave post with Thak's discharge papers. I say they should know better because they KNOW I've opted out of a lot of activities because as we approach the year-mark, we're putting more money into savings than any other family we know. They should REALLY know better because everyone who knows me knows that Thak has been going to school at night for the past year, and has another year to go before he graduates. They KNOW he wasn't an ASE Certified mechanic this time last year, but he is now. If that's going about this blindly, then I must be nuts, because I surely don't see it that way.
Frankly, I don't know anybody who's put more thought into getting out than we have. We stayed in Savannah long enough for our son to be born there because we liked our birth center a lot, and then we had to move somewhere that would not have him deploying again, and the reason we turned down the Korea assignment we were offered is because we didn't see him being able to go to school in Korea, so as much as we'd have loved to live there for a couple years, it was impractical under the circumstances. We took the orders here because the unit wouldn't be deploying until after he got out, and it's a big enough city that they'd have schools he could choose from. One of the first things we did upon arrival here was to find Thak a school. We'd decided before leaving Georgia that when he got out of the Army, he would be a mechanic, so we already knew what we were looking for. Before he even officially reported to Ft. Bliss (basically, after we were out here, but while he was still on leave) we went around, visited schools, and got him enrolled at Western Tech. It was a gamble, but he was betting he could get command approval for it retroactively, so it was a gamble we were willing to take. As we approach his ETS from the Army and his graduation from school (the two dates are very close), we have done tons of research on what it's like on the outside for mechanics, or more accurately ASE Master Technicians, supervisors, shop leads, and other positions he's qualified for. I will say, a lot of what we've found is extremely hopeful. Depending where we end up, and what type of job he gets, we may actually see an INCREASE in total income. We've budgeted for a substantial decrease, but our research tells us that may not be what happens at all. Sounds good to me. His instructors at school tell him that he's the type who gets hired very quickly, and nobody in his school thinks he'll have ANY trouble finding a great job once he graduates (and they assist with job placement, so they know what they're talking about). There are scouts from dealerships that come to his school to find new employees, and they practically stalk him. If we were willing to stay here, he'd have 10 job offers by the end of the course. Hell, he already got one job offer the other day!! We're hardly being overly optimistic by thinking that Thak will find work on the outside.
I guess it just feels kind of like a big slap in the face when people who should know better act like we're being unrealistic to think that Thak can get out, that we can live a better life in the real world than we have been in the Army, and that we're unprepared. I dislike being told we're going to fall on our faces when we're working our asses off to make sure that doesn't happen. Our schedule is pure hell, and I don't know anybody else who does this, especially not for a couple years on end.
I'm not saying I'm 110% sure that nothing bad will ever happen to us on the outside. I cannot be totally sure of that, as I wholly lack the ability to predict the future. What I can say, though, is that we're giving ourselves the best chances, and even the senior NCO's and Officers tell Thak how smart he is to have such a solid plan. By this standard, I believe it is fair to say that we are anything but haphazard, that we're genuinely trying to prepare ourselves as best we can. I know tons of people who weren't half as prepared as we are, even now, who got out and did fine despite the rough start. Who is anyone to say we're setting ourselves up for failure? I don't usually do this because I'd really hate to be wrong about it, but I call jealousy. I think these individuals wish their husbands would do for them what Thak is doing for me, and they have to be mean and say ridiculous things to make themselves feel better. At the end of the day, though (and the end of the day is late around here...) we're doing better than most, and NOBODY can deny that without straight-up lying.
I was told today that someone is sorry for me because my husband is getting out of the Army. Seriously? You're SORRY for me because my husband loves me and our kids enough to choose us over the Army? Back assward logic if I've ever heard it. No, please do not be sorry for me that I am married to someone who recognizes that he'll never get back the years spent away from us, and that three is two too many. On a more professional level, I'm glad he knows when to walk away. You have NO IDEA how many idiots I served with who were probably great soldiers 10 years ago, but just wouldn't walk away when it was time. I respect Thak for not wanting to become that, and for making sure he won't.
People forget that I got out of the Army, too, once upon a time. Is it hard getting set up in the real world after having everything handed to you by Uncle Sam for however long? Yeah, it definitely is, but I'll tell you one other thing. There is NOTHING hard enough to negate the feeling that comes with living FREE after being so much less free while serving in defense of the freedom of others. Freedom tastes a lot sweeter when you don't take it for granted, and no vet does. I guess that's something military wives who have never served know little about.
I'm happy for Thak to be getting out. I'm tired of people asking me how I can support that decision. I look at them like they have lost their minds. These people all know I used to be in the Army, but am not currently (and am not old enough to have retired), therefore it's not a huge leap in logic to see that I got out. Why wouldn't I want that for Thak, too? Why wouldn't I want him to be free? I DO want him to be free. It is my greatest wish for him. How could anyone who claims to love someone NOT support their goal of living their way? Wives who pressure their husbands into reenlisting, when it's so obvious that he's just done with it, really irk me. I say if you're so attached to your military benefits, go enlist. Let him get out if he wants to. Making someone stay in the Army for years after they should have gotten out does nobody any favors, not that person, not the people above and below them, not anybody. It makes everybody miserable.
I'm also sick of the assumption that I think it's going to be easy on the outside. If I have to hear one more horror story of life on the outside from some wife who's never served, and whose husband has never gotten out, I'm going to scream. I know first hand that it's not easy out there, that the things that are guaranteed to every military person, are hard-earned on the outside, but they can still be had. It's not like the military has a corner market on half decent pay, health insurance, and youth activities.
I get the feeling that a lot of people (who should know better!) are making the assumption that we're going about this blindly, and will make the common mistake of figuring the world will fall at our feet the day we leave post with Thak's discharge papers. I say they should know better because they KNOW I've opted out of a lot of activities because as we approach the year-mark, we're putting more money into savings than any other family we know. They should REALLY know better because everyone who knows me knows that Thak has been going to school at night for the past year, and has another year to go before he graduates. They KNOW he wasn't an ASE Certified mechanic this time last year, but he is now. If that's going about this blindly, then I must be nuts, because I surely don't see it that way.
Frankly, I don't know anybody who's put more thought into getting out than we have. We stayed in Savannah long enough for our son to be born there because we liked our birth center a lot, and then we had to move somewhere that would not have him deploying again, and the reason we turned down the Korea assignment we were offered is because we didn't see him being able to go to school in Korea, so as much as we'd have loved to live there for a couple years, it was impractical under the circumstances. We took the orders here because the unit wouldn't be deploying until after he got out, and it's a big enough city that they'd have schools he could choose from. One of the first things we did upon arrival here was to find Thak a school. We'd decided before leaving Georgia that when he got out of the Army, he would be a mechanic, so we already knew what we were looking for. Before he even officially reported to Ft. Bliss (basically, after we were out here, but while he was still on leave) we went around, visited schools, and got him enrolled at Western Tech. It was a gamble, but he was betting he could get command approval for it retroactively, so it was a gamble we were willing to take. As we approach his ETS from the Army and his graduation from school (the two dates are very close), we have done tons of research on what it's like on the outside for mechanics, or more accurately ASE Master Technicians, supervisors, shop leads, and other positions he's qualified for. I will say, a lot of what we've found is extremely hopeful. Depending where we end up, and what type of job he gets, we may actually see an INCREASE in total income. We've budgeted for a substantial decrease, but our research tells us that may not be what happens at all. Sounds good to me. His instructors at school tell him that he's the type who gets hired very quickly, and nobody in his school thinks he'll have ANY trouble finding a great job once he graduates (and they assist with job placement, so they know what they're talking about). There are scouts from dealerships that come to his school to find new employees, and they practically stalk him. If we were willing to stay here, he'd have 10 job offers by the end of the course. Hell, he already got one job offer the other day!! We're hardly being overly optimistic by thinking that Thak will find work on the outside.
I guess it just feels kind of like a big slap in the face when people who should know better act like we're being unrealistic to think that Thak can get out, that we can live a better life in the real world than we have been in the Army, and that we're unprepared. I dislike being told we're going to fall on our faces when we're working our asses off to make sure that doesn't happen. Our schedule is pure hell, and I don't know anybody else who does this, especially not for a couple years on end.
I'm not saying I'm 110% sure that nothing bad will ever happen to us on the outside. I cannot be totally sure of that, as I wholly lack the ability to predict the future. What I can say, though, is that we're giving ourselves the best chances, and even the senior NCO's and Officers tell Thak how smart he is to have such a solid plan. By this standard, I believe it is fair to say that we are anything but haphazard, that we're genuinely trying to prepare ourselves as best we can. I know tons of people who weren't half as prepared as we are, even now, who got out and did fine despite the rough start. Who is anyone to say we're setting ourselves up for failure? I don't usually do this because I'd really hate to be wrong about it, but I call jealousy. I think these individuals wish their husbands would do for them what Thak is doing for me, and they have to be mean and say ridiculous things to make themselves feel better. At the end of the day, though (and the end of the day is late around here...) we're doing better than most, and NOBODY can deny that without straight-up lying.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I've been called a MILF before, but never a NILF
...until today. So what is a NILF? Well, according to a recent study on employment and military spouses, conducted by the Rand Corporation, NILF stands for "Not In Labor Force".
OK, well, I think NILF has a far nicer ring to it than "unemployed". Have I ever told you how much I hate when people say I'm unemployed? I REALLY hate that. I'm home with my kids. I'm NOT unemployed. I'll take "Stay-at-home-mom", "SAHM", "housewife", or really ANYTHING besides "unemployed". For one, by definition, to be unemployed means to not have a job, but to want one. I don't want a job. It's completely different. Now someone apparently understands that, and we get a new category, NILF. I could get used to that classification. It's rather innocuous.
Of course, the true gem in all of this is the findings of the report. What needs to be done in the face of all this NILF-ness? Build more daycare centers, of course. Talk about totally missing the point.
In the face of high unemployment rates, and the most difficult job market ever, I think they should send single-income families a handwritten thank you card for only occupying ONE job, thus allowing the hypothetical second job to go to someone else who probably needs it a lot more, not telling us to throw our children into newly constructed daycare centers, and flood the job market even further. Are these people idiots? A popularization of a single-income lifestyle for families would help the unemployment numbers to come down because more people who wanted/needed a job could get one more easily than if all people were stuck in the two-income trap, and are occupying two jobs per couple rather than one. That's an impossible change, of course. It makes sense in a way, though, doesn't it? At least a little? I don't know, but that's what occurred to me when I read that the solution to NILF military spouses was to build more daycares. Backward logic at its finest, if you ask me.
OK, well, I think NILF has a far nicer ring to it than "unemployed". Have I ever told you how much I hate when people say I'm unemployed? I REALLY hate that. I'm home with my kids. I'm NOT unemployed. I'll take "Stay-at-home-mom", "SAHM", "housewife", or really ANYTHING besides "unemployed". For one, by definition, to be unemployed means to not have a job, but to want one. I don't want a job. It's completely different. Now someone apparently understands that, and we get a new category, NILF. I could get used to that classification. It's rather innocuous.
Of course, the true gem in all of this is the findings of the report. What needs to be done in the face of all this NILF-ness? Build more daycare centers, of course. Talk about totally missing the point.
In the face of high unemployment rates, and the most difficult job market ever, I think they should send single-income families a handwritten thank you card for only occupying ONE job, thus allowing the hypothetical second job to go to someone else who probably needs it a lot more, not telling us to throw our children into newly constructed daycare centers, and flood the job market even further. Are these people idiots? A popularization of a single-income lifestyle for families would help the unemployment numbers to come down because more people who wanted/needed a job could get one more easily than if all people were stuck in the two-income trap, and are occupying two jobs per couple rather than one. That's an impossible change, of course. It makes sense in a way, though, doesn't it? At least a little? I don't know, but that's what occurred to me when I read that the solution to NILF military spouses was to build more daycares. Backward logic at its finest, if you ask me.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Just give a list of what we CAN say, ok?
It seems like the list of socially unacceptable topics in military wife land grows every single day, as does the list of things which constitute engaging in these unacceptable discussions.
The most vile and unacceptable thing in the past decade has got to be rank. On the extreme case, I can understand this. I've been the sentry who got yelled at by a Second Lieutenant's wife when I did not salute her. I have been the PFC on a 24 hour shift at my battalion's desk, who was told by a Corporal's wife to stand at parade rest to talk to her. (No, neither of them was a soldier, just civilian wives.) These people, I call Rankzillas. They expect customs and courtesies which are NOT coming to them in any way, shape, or form unless they decide to enlist or commission someday.
Rankzilla Lite is the wife who doesn't go out of her way to make soldiers' lives hell, but definitely thinks she's better than any soldier who is lower ranking than her husband, and talks a ton of trash, even to people she knows are prior-service, and served in those ranks at one time (and hell, 99% of the time, her own husband served in those ranks at one point!). The Rankzilla Lite is also the one who thinks she's addressed as ma'am because of her husband's rank, when in reality, all civilian females are addressed as ma'am because they don't have a rank to be called by, and ma'am is nicer than "hey you!". Rankzilla Lite KNOWS she's called ma'am because her husband is so high up in the unit, though. (The funny part is that 99% of the ones who think this are married to Second Lieutenants, newly pinned Sergeants, or even PFC's.)
I have dealt with more Rankzillas as a soldier, as I believe their arch-nemesis is the female soldier, in all forms, fashions, and pay grades. I have dealt with a few Rankzilla Lites as a wife. Usually, a snappy comeback about how civilians should butt out of soldier/vet business will make them leave me alone forever. They're not that big a deal. More importantly, they're not all that common, and are mostly just really clueless. A great many Rankzilla Lites will outgrow it in a few years.
The reason it became socially unacceptable to discuss rank is because everyone's met a Rankzilla or a Rankzilla Lite, and nobody likes them. If it only became socially unacceptable to BE one of these things, then that would make a ton of sense. That's not how it went, though.
Now, the following situations are unacceptable, and considered "rank wearing" on my part. FYI, these are things I have actually said:
"Hi, I'm Anna M. My husband is SSG M, the reenlistment NCO." [insert random joke about getting their husbands to reenlist. Everyone laughed.] "I'm prior service as an enlisted Engineer, and have been in some affiliation with the Army, as soldier, girlfriend, or wife, for nine years. I've been to Ft. Leonard Wood, Ft. Hood, Ft. Stewart, and here, and briefly on TDY to other places. I'm going to be serving in [role] within this organization, and look forward to working with you all."
"Hi, nice to meet you all. My name's Anna, and I'm going to be moving to your post in 3 months. My family and I are open to the possibilities as far as housing goes. We've lived on post and off, and prefer off post, but will consider living on post, depending on what exactly we'd be offered there. What I need to know from you all is what would be most realistic for us to plan for. We are an E6 family who is authorized a 3 BR house. Does the wait list tend to be short for our classification, or would we be wasting our time by messing with it? If the wait list is more than a month, we'll probably just want to live off post, so please tell me what areas are best, close to post, and within our price range."
These two things are apparently MASSIVELY socially unacceptable because I mentioned Thak's rank. This really frustrates me. I can't even tell people affiliated with the unit who my husband is when I meet them, and I can't give people an idea of our price range when putting out my feelers in the preliminary phases of house hunting.
Let me just explain these things a little. In the first situation, it's a matter of making myself familiar to people. If I walked in and said, "Hi, I'm Anna, Thak's wife", people would say, "Good for you. Who's Thak?" If I say, "I'm Anna, SSG M's wife", people either say, "Oh yeah, he reenlisted my husband yesterday!" or "I think I know him. Asian guy? About your height? Walks with a limp?" So basically, people KNOW SSG M, but they DON'T know Thak, even though they're the same person, so in a situation in which I want to be familiar to people, I need to say who I am in the most familiar way possible. I'm NOT sorry that way includes a mention of my shameful secret, er, I mean my husband's rank.
In the second situation, it's important to be honest about rank because housing allowance is determined by it. If I said, "Hi, I'm moving to your post! Where should I live?" I'd get every kind of information from the dirt on the $300 a month apartments that were built in 1985, to the dirt on the subdivision in the University district, where nobody below the rank of Major could ever afford to live. By telling people that I'm right in the middle, I'm letting them know that I'm not terribly limited in my house hunting, but I'm also not looking for the most extravagant thing in town. Knowing what we're working with lets people know we're looking for what we will like, not what we can afford. (Of course, we're looking within our price range, but our price range is forgiving enough that we can get what we like. No stairs, minimum 2 full bathrooms, minimum 2-car garage, formal dining room, big yard with fence/wall, no shared walls between master bedroom and kids' bedrooms, bedrooms far from living room and kitchen, etc). Anyhow, I think rank is applicable information when it comes to housing, because obviously, we all can afford different things. Why have people waste their time and ours, giving crappy information we can't use, when we can just be honest, and actually get pertinent facts?
I can't wait until Thak gets out of the Army. This sub-culture gets dumber and less realistic every year. I want off.
The most vile and unacceptable thing in the past decade has got to be rank. On the extreme case, I can understand this. I've been the sentry who got yelled at by a Second Lieutenant's wife when I did not salute her. I have been the PFC on a 24 hour shift at my battalion's desk, who was told by a Corporal's wife to stand at parade rest to talk to her. (No, neither of them was a soldier, just civilian wives.) These people, I call Rankzillas. They expect customs and courtesies which are NOT coming to them in any way, shape, or form unless they decide to enlist or commission someday.
Rankzilla Lite is the wife who doesn't go out of her way to make soldiers' lives hell, but definitely thinks she's better than any soldier who is lower ranking than her husband, and talks a ton of trash, even to people she knows are prior-service, and served in those ranks at one time (and hell, 99% of the time, her own husband served in those ranks at one point!). The Rankzilla Lite is also the one who thinks she's addressed as ma'am because of her husband's rank, when in reality, all civilian females are addressed as ma'am because they don't have a rank to be called by, and ma'am is nicer than "hey you!". Rankzilla Lite KNOWS she's called ma'am because her husband is so high up in the unit, though. (The funny part is that 99% of the ones who think this are married to Second Lieutenants, newly pinned Sergeants, or even PFC's.)
I have dealt with more Rankzillas as a soldier, as I believe their arch-nemesis is the female soldier, in all forms, fashions, and pay grades. I have dealt with a few Rankzilla Lites as a wife. Usually, a snappy comeback about how civilians should butt out of soldier/vet business will make them leave me alone forever. They're not that big a deal. More importantly, they're not all that common, and are mostly just really clueless. A great many Rankzilla Lites will outgrow it in a few years.
The reason it became socially unacceptable to discuss rank is because everyone's met a Rankzilla or a Rankzilla Lite, and nobody likes them. If it only became socially unacceptable to BE one of these things, then that would make a ton of sense. That's not how it went, though.
Now, the following situations are unacceptable, and considered "rank wearing" on my part. FYI, these are things I have actually said:
"Hi, I'm Anna M. My husband is SSG M, the reenlistment NCO." [insert random joke about getting their husbands to reenlist. Everyone laughed.] "I'm prior service as an enlisted Engineer, and have been in some affiliation with the Army, as soldier, girlfriend, or wife, for nine years. I've been to Ft. Leonard Wood, Ft. Hood, Ft. Stewart, and here, and briefly on TDY to other places. I'm going to be serving in [role] within this organization, and look forward to working with you all."
"Hi, nice to meet you all. My name's Anna, and I'm going to be moving to your post in 3 months. My family and I are open to the possibilities as far as housing goes. We've lived on post and off, and prefer off post, but will consider living on post, depending on what exactly we'd be offered there. What I need to know from you all is what would be most realistic for us to plan for. We are an E6 family who is authorized a 3 BR house. Does the wait list tend to be short for our classification, or would we be wasting our time by messing with it? If the wait list is more than a month, we'll probably just want to live off post, so please tell me what areas are best, close to post, and within our price range."
These two things are apparently MASSIVELY socially unacceptable because I mentioned Thak's rank. This really frustrates me. I can't even tell people affiliated with the unit who my husband is when I meet them, and I can't give people an idea of our price range when putting out my feelers in the preliminary phases of house hunting.
Let me just explain these things a little. In the first situation, it's a matter of making myself familiar to people. If I walked in and said, "Hi, I'm Anna, Thak's wife", people would say, "Good for you. Who's Thak?" If I say, "I'm Anna, SSG M's wife", people either say, "Oh yeah, he reenlisted my husband yesterday!" or "I think I know him. Asian guy? About your height? Walks with a limp?" So basically, people KNOW SSG M, but they DON'T know Thak, even though they're the same person, so in a situation in which I want to be familiar to people, I need to say who I am in the most familiar way possible. I'm NOT sorry that way includes a mention of my shameful secret, er, I mean my husband's rank.
In the second situation, it's important to be honest about rank because housing allowance is determined by it. If I said, "Hi, I'm moving to your post! Where should I live?" I'd get every kind of information from the dirt on the $300 a month apartments that were built in 1985, to the dirt on the subdivision in the University district, where nobody below the rank of Major could ever afford to live. By telling people that I'm right in the middle, I'm letting them know that I'm not terribly limited in my house hunting, but I'm also not looking for the most extravagant thing in town. Knowing what we're working with lets people know we're looking for what we will like, not what we can afford. (Of course, we're looking within our price range, but our price range is forgiving enough that we can get what we like. No stairs, minimum 2 full bathrooms, minimum 2-car garage, formal dining room, big yard with fence/wall, no shared walls between master bedroom and kids' bedrooms, bedrooms far from living room and kitchen, etc). Anyhow, I think rank is applicable information when it comes to housing, because obviously, we all can afford different things. Why have people waste their time and ours, giving crappy information we can't use, when we can just be honest, and actually get pertinent facts?
I can't wait until Thak gets out of the Army. This sub-culture gets dumber and less realistic every year. I want off.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda
Does this go on in the real world nearly as much as it does in the military? I've been annoyed with this thing for years, and it was one of the first things I noticed about military wives after I married Thak. Every time they find out about anything I did, or was doing at that time, they told me in great detail how they were about to do that same thing, and then give ten million excuses as to why they didn't.
The biggest one is joining the military. People find out within five minutes of knowing me that I'm prior service. It's not because I walk around wearing a Veterans for Peace shirt (although if I did, people would probably assume it was my husband's anyhow). It's just that the second question that's always asked in military wife small talk, right behind, "Where's home for you?" is "How'd you meet your husband?" Since I met Thak when we were both assigned to good old Six Deuce, I couldn't hide my prior service status even if I wanted to. For the record, I would NEVER want to hide that significant fact about myself. I think that would be dishonest and give people the wrong idea.
The thing that gets me is that in about 50% of cases, the wife I'm talking to says, "Oh, I would have joined the Army if I hadn't (insert BS excuse here)." Why on earth do they do that? Do they think I'll regard them as more "in the loop", or as "one of us"? Do they think it makes them cooler that once upon a time, the thought crossed their mind to join the Army? I personally think the thought of joining the Army crosses the minds of at least 75% of people at some point in their life, yet somehow, only maybe 1% ever do. As a member of that 1%, I give absolutely no ass pats to people who didn't have the conviction to go through with it. This is a very binary classification. Either you are a soldier (past or present), or you are not. There is no in-between, and intent doesn't matter. If you REALLY wanted to serve, you would have. I can remember vividly when I knew that it was my time to serve, and NOTHING would have stood between me and the Army at that moment. If you never truly heard the call, there's actually nothing wrong with that, but own it. Yeah, you shoulda, coulda, woulda served, but at the end of the day, you didn't, so stop annoying the vets.
College is another one. Every time it comes up in conversation that I went to Georgia Tech (and that actually does not come up in conversation very often at all), from that day forward, the person who gets let in on that fact incessantly tries to justify their own educational shortcomings. Dude, I simply cannot be bothered to give a flying bag of composted cow shit if you think you couldn't go to college because you got married and your E1 husband moved you across the country. There are universities everywhere, and if you don't go to college, it's because you made the choice not to go. I don't think less of you for that, however, I do think less of you for not owning your decisions. If you feel good enough about a decision to make it, you should feel good enough about it to own it. I own mine, even the stupid ones, and you won't find me justifying them to anybody. I have friends who have graduate degrees from Ivy League schools. I don't sit there and say "shoulda, coulda, woulda" to them, even though, in truth, I could probably have attained what they did. I made my decision, and I'm not sorry. If you're sorry for your decisions, why don't you change them?
The biggest one is joining the military. People find out within five minutes of knowing me that I'm prior service. It's not because I walk around wearing a Veterans for Peace shirt (although if I did, people would probably assume it was my husband's anyhow). It's just that the second question that's always asked in military wife small talk, right behind, "Where's home for you?" is "How'd you meet your husband?" Since I met Thak when we were both assigned to good old Six Deuce, I couldn't hide my prior service status even if I wanted to. For the record, I would NEVER want to hide that significant fact about myself. I think that would be dishonest and give people the wrong idea.
The thing that gets me is that in about 50% of cases, the wife I'm talking to says, "Oh, I would have joined the Army if I hadn't (insert BS excuse here)." Why on earth do they do that? Do they think I'll regard them as more "in the loop", or as "one of us"? Do they think it makes them cooler that once upon a time, the thought crossed their mind to join the Army? I personally think the thought of joining the Army crosses the minds of at least 75% of people at some point in their life, yet somehow, only maybe 1% ever do. As a member of that 1%, I give absolutely no ass pats to people who didn't have the conviction to go through with it. This is a very binary classification. Either you are a soldier (past or present), or you are not. There is no in-between, and intent doesn't matter. If you REALLY wanted to serve, you would have. I can remember vividly when I knew that it was my time to serve, and NOTHING would have stood between me and the Army at that moment. If you never truly heard the call, there's actually nothing wrong with that, but own it. Yeah, you shoulda, coulda, woulda served, but at the end of the day, you didn't, so stop annoying the vets.
College is another one. Every time it comes up in conversation that I went to Georgia Tech (and that actually does not come up in conversation very often at all), from that day forward, the person who gets let in on that fact incessantly tries to justify their own educational shortcomings. Dude, I simply cannot be bothered to give a flying bag of composted cow shit if you think you couldn't go to college because you got married and your E1 husband moved you across the country. There are universities everywhere, and if you don't go to college, it's because you made the choice not to go. I don't think less of you for that, however, I do think less of you for not owning your decisions. If you feel good enough about a decision to make it, you should feel good enough about it to own it. I own mine, even the stupid ones, and you won't find me justifying them to anybody. I have friends who have graduate degrees from Ivy League schools. I don't sit there and say "shoulda, coulda, woulda" to them, even though, in truth, I could probably have attained what they did. I made my decision, and I'm not sorry. If you're sorry for your decisions, why don't you change them?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Some Call it Short-Timing
As we prepare to enter our last year of Army, I find myself going between being so ready to be done with it, and not quite wanting it to be over. This, I'm 100% sure, is normal for anyone who's known little else in their adult life, besides Army. Considering that I enlisted when I was 19, and will be 29 when Thak gets out, I will have spent 10 years in some type of affiliation with the Army. That's a long time, over 1/3 of my life. I can only imagine how it is for Thak, who has known absolutely nothing but military for over half his life now. He'll have 18 years of service, if you count Active Duty and National Guard, by the time he gets out. While we both know that leaving the Army is the right thing to do, it's not easy. This may not be the Army that either one of us enlisted in, nor the one we came to love as young soldiers, but even though it drives us crazy, there is still a strong attachment to our branch. I'm always talking about the skeezy underbelly of the Army, the part that the press never tells you, the things that get shoved off in corners. This is not more of the same. This is the good part, the part I am taking with me.
I am grateful to have served when I was young and relatively free of attachments. I often feel for the soldiers who enlist to provide for a family, or who are married throughout their entire service. I don't feel that they get the true experience of being a young soldier. Their attachments outside the Army are too strong a pull, and they can't fully give themselves over to the experience of being young, carefree, and clad in a uniform that's still crisp and not yet faded. For me, there was only one way to be a young soldier, and that was single, ready to volunteer for anything that struck me as interesting, and with just enough naivete to believe that one soldier could make a difference.
I was asked the other day by a military wife who has never served, what my favorite duty station was. That was a hard question for me, because I do not have a favorite duty station. I told her what was good about everywhere I've been, and that the only place I truly hate is Ft. Bliss. Her eyes glazed over, and then I realized, I look at duty stations far differently than people who have never served. As silly as it may sound, I have never thought about where I'd like to live, as far as geographical locations, whereas that is really all that non-prior-service wives ever seem to consider. My first thought is always for the mission, and my second is for who I know who's already there. I could not care less how many malls there are off post, or if there's a beach nearby (although I've learned that living somewhere that it rains occasionally is something I won't take for granted when I leave this desert), or even what the housing looks like.
My favorite duty station is every one at which I surveyed land, conducted materials tests, or did some type of interesting training. I truly don't have a favorite. I am an Ozark Sapper, a Texan Surveyor, and was on an Army commercial (ok, for half a second and it was the back of my head) while training in Georgia to be a Paratrooper. I have walked on hallowed ground, where great people have stood. I trained where the legends trained, sometimes instructed by the legends themselves. I have met soldiers who are featured in movies now. I have built bridges on land that no female soldier had ever surveyed, and stamped my Engineer Castle into the wet concrete, signing my name below it. I am an Immortal Soldier, just as the tattoo on my back says I am. My bridges, roads, and airfields will exist long after I am gone. Every single one of them is my favorite, especially the difficult ones.
I am grateful to have had the experience of being a Private, but to have married above my rank. Because I have worn their rank, I have a greater understanding of young soldiers. Frustrating as they may be at times, especially when they get into trouble and ruin our family holidays, I can't take it too badly, because like every other young soldier out there, I ran my squad leader ragged. Marrying a Sergeant gave me an appreciation for my own squad leader that I'd never have had otherwise. Seeing the Army from the side of the lower-enlisted soldier, and having a third-party view of how it is for an NCO is an experience I wouldn't trade for anything. It has given me an understanding of the way things work.
I am grateful to have gone through Basic and AIT when it was still tough. I hear about how things are these days, and don't wonder for one second why soldiers are so much less soldierly than they were when I went through. I'm glad I got the experience of being scared to death of my Drill Sergeants, and then coming to see them for the great and caring mentors they truly were. I'm glad they were able to train us their way, and hadn't had their hands tied, the way today's Drill Sergeants (unfortunately) do. The times spent in training, when it was real, are to be cherished because that era is gone, and with it, most of our traditions. It's sad that our traditions have died with the standards for soldiering, and that is one reason I will be glad to go. It's hard to look at what's being turned out these days, and see how it just doesn't compare to the way it was. The Army has changed, and unfortunately, I think it's been in the wrong direction, but I am no longer that young soldier who thinks one can make a difference. I now know that these things go on with or without us, and the only say we have in the matter is whether to stay and be a part of it, or move on to something else.
I try to think of the good that's come of being married to Thak for the final half of his Active Duty years, and aside from the good that would come of being married to Thak under any circumstances, I'm really not coming up with much upon initial inspection. Maybe that's why I've never fit in with military wives. Try as I have, I fail to see this as some higher calling or patriotic duty. I heard the call to serve my country when I was very young, and when the time was right, I answered it by enlisting in the Army. That was for patriotic duty, and destiny if you believe in that. I don't see what I have done as Thak's wife as fulfilling that same purpose, and try as I may, I don't think I ever will.
I married Thak because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and grudgingly accepted the Army as a temporary part of the deal, because as much as Thak drives me absolutely insane, a life without him in it would have been worse. (Call me a glutton for punishment if you will. You wouldn't be the first.) I can't get my head around the idea of there being some noble purpose in being forced to offer up every other year of our marriage to a war neither of us has ever believed in.
I grew my Victory Garden complete with flowers in the Division colors as a nod to the General, and decorated my house for the holidays every year with lights in the Division colors for the same reason. I frequently walked through the hundreds of redbud trees planted for our fallen, especially in the Spring when they bloomed. I checked the casualty lists daily, and brewed the Casualty Notification Officer a pot of coffee whenever I heard of a bombing in Thak's area (the CNO never comes to anyone who's ready and waiting for him. Superstition.) I went to every stupid social function, smiled at the higher-ups' wives, and tried not to take it in offense when the subordinate wives got mouthy with me. I dressed nicely, acted with decorum, and represented Thak in a way such that he regularly got complimented on it. I am told I am quite endearing in the way I still address anyone who outranks Thak with proper military courtesy, and can't quite bring myself to call Sergeant Major by her first name. I have played my role, and in the light of day, I have played it exceptionally well. It's just that, though. I have never internalized any part of the military wife culture. I tried for years, but it isn't me. Despite living among them for nearly six years now, I still do not understand military wives in general. Any attempt to fit myself into their world is short-lived, and they're not exactly wrong when they accuse me of being fake. Behind my mask, I am one of the realest people ever, but going without my mask in this world doesn't work. I've tried.
People talk a lot about how being married to someone in the military will make you independent and strong. I was already independent and strong when I married Thak. I had served in the Army, moved all over the country by myself with all my worldly possessions in a duffel bag on my back, and been a single mom for a little while. Being forced to continue being the strong and independent person I'd had to be all along, despite being married, was not empowering for me. It was kind of insulting. I think this is why, despite being a military wife by the simplest definition of the term, I have never considered myself that way, and doubt I ever will.
In light of that, it's hard to think of what I will take with me of these years when Thak was finishing up his time in the Army. I will say it was amazing to watch him earn the rank of Staff Sergeant, even though it meant attaining the maximum number of promotion points possible in every single area. I was so proud of him when Erin and I pinned on his new rank (even though my feet hurt! I was 7 months pregnant, and wearing 5" heels!) After that, I know there's nothing in this world that Thak can't do. If I didn't have complete faith in him before, I did as of my 27th birthday, the day he became a Staff Sergeant against what are universally considered to be impossible odds.
I think that sums it up. As we get ready to begin our final year, which will consist of closing up shop on our time with the Army, it is also the time to sort the wheat from the chaff. I will take with me the knowledge that as a soldier, I made a difference, and that as long as my bridges stand, I live. I take with me a brand on my left arm, a tattoo on my back, and one uniform that I've kept, along with every letter Thak's ever sent me in the past 7 years, and one flower from every bouquet he's given me. I take a jewelry box from Iraq, mementos from every post I've been to, and a hip that pops at inopportune times and makes me laugh because of the stupid way I injured it. I take the knowledge that my husband is the most capable man I have ever known, and that we're going to be fine, no matter what, because he's never met an obstacle he couldn't overcome or an expectation he couldn't exceed.
In retrospect, that must have been what these years were for. It's so easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day. Thak's just like any other husband, in that he generally puts his socks NEAR the hamper, never takes out the trash unless you ask him 10 times, wolfs down food that took 4 hours to prepare as if it were beanie-weenies from a can, and has a strange obsession with wearing a Minnesota Vikings shirt in public just to get a rise out of Dallas Cowboys fans. It would be easy to dismiss this one as any other neanderthal, but he's really a lot better than that. Watching him take his soldiers to war multiple times, accomplish the most God-forsaken missions in the most dangerous places, and bring every single troop home alive every single time, proves that these still waters run very very deep. This is something I never would have known on anything but an academic level, had I not been by his side all these years (even if from half a world away). Some things, you just have to witness to really understand the magnitude of. Maybe that's what this was for. I'll take that with me right alongside my box of letters and my Engineer shot glass.
I am grateful to have served when I was young and relatively free of attachments. I often feel for the soldiers who enlist to provide for a family, or who are married throughout their entire service. I don't feel that they get the true experience of being a young soldier. Their attachments outside the Army are too strong a pull, and they can't fully give themselves over to the experience of being young, carefree, and clad in a uniform that's still crisp and not yet faded. For me, there was only one way to be a young soldier, and that was single, ready to volunteer for anything that struck me as interesting, and with just enough naivete to believe that one soldier could make a difference.
I was asked the other day by a military wife who has never served, what my favorite duty station was. That was a hard question for me, because I do not have a favorite duty station. I told her what was good about everywhere I've been, and that the only place I truly hate is Ft. Bliss. Her eyes glazed over, and then I realized, I look at duty stations far differently than people who have never served. As silly as it may sound, I have never thought about where I'd like to live, as far as geographical locations, whereas that is really all that non-prior-service wives ever seem to consider. My first thought is always for the mission, and my second is for who I know who's already there. I could not care less how many malls there are off post, or if there's a beach nearby (although I've learned that living somewhere that it rains occasionally is something I won't take for granted when I leave this desert), or even what the housing looks like.
My favorite duty station is every one at which I surveyed land, conducted materials tests, or did some type of interesting training. I truly don't have a favorite. I am an Ozark Sapper, a Texan Surveyor, and was on an Army commercial (ok, for half a second and it was the back of my head) while training in Georgia to be a Paratrooper. I have walked on hallowed ground, where great people have stood. I trained where the legends trained, sometimes instructed by the legends themselves. I have met soldiers who are featured in movies now. I have built bridges on land that no female soldier had ever surveyed, and stamped my Engineer Castle into the wet concrete, signing my name below it. I am an Immortal Soldier, just as the tattoo on my back says I am. My bridges, roads, and airfields will exist long after I am gone. Every single one of them is my favorite, especially the difficult ones.
I am grateful to have had the experience of being a Private, but to have married above my rank. Because I have worn their rank, I have a greater understanding of young soldiers. Frustrating as they may be at times, especially when they get into trouble and ruin our family holidays, I can't take it too badly, because like every other young soldier out there, I ran my squad leader ragged. Marrying a Sergeant gave me an appreciation for my own squad leader that I'd never have had otherwise. Seeing the Army from the side of the lower-enlisted soldier, and having a third-party view of how it is for an NCO is an experience I wouldn't trade for anything. It has given me an understanding of the way things work.
I am grateful to have gone through Basic and AIT when it was still tough. I hear about how things are these days, and don't wonder for one second why soldiers are so much less soldierly than they were when I went through. I'm glad I got the experience of being scared to death of my Drill Sergeants, and then coming to see them for the great and caring mentors they truly were. I'm glad they were able to train us their way, and hadn't had their hands tied, the way today's Drill Sergeants (unfortunately) do. The times spent in training, when it was real, are to be cherished because that era is gone, and with it, most of our traditions. It's sad that our traditions have died with the standards for soldiering, and that is one reason I will be glad to go. It's hard to look at what's being turned out these days, and see how it just doesn't compare to the way it was. The Army has changed, and unfortunately, I think it's been in the wrong direction, but I am no longer that young soldier who thinks one can make a difference. I now know that these things go on with or without us, and the only say we have in the matter is whether to stay and be a part of it, or move on to something else.
I try to think of the good that's come of being married to Thak for the final half of his Active Duty years, and aside from the good that would come of being married to Thak under any circumstances, I'm really not coming up with much upon initial inspection. Maybe that's why I've never fit in with military wives. Try as I have, I fail to see this as some higher calling or patriotic duty. I heard the call to serve my country when I was very young, and when the time was right, I answered it by enlisting in the Army. That was for patriotic duty, and destiny if you believe in that. I don't see what I have done as Thak's wife as fulfilling that same purpose, and try as I may, I don't think I ever will.
I married Thak because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and grudgingly accepted the Army as a temporary part of the deal, because as much as Thak drives me absolutely insane, a life without him in it would have been worse. (Call me a glutton for punishment if you will. You wouldn't be the first.) I can't get my head around the idea of there being some noble purpose in being forced to offer up every other year of our marriage to a war neither of us has ever believed in.
I grew my Victory Garden complete with flowers in the Division colors as a nod to the General, and decorated my house for the holidays every year with lights in the Division colors for the same reason. I frequently walked through the hundreds of redbud trees planted for our fallen, especially in the Spring when they bloomed. I checked the casualty lists daily, and brewed the Casualty Notification Officer a pot of coffee whenever I heard of a bombing in Thak's area (the CNO never comes to anyone who's ready and waiting for him. Superstition.) I went to every stupid social function, smiled at the higher-ups' wives, and tried not to take it in offense when the subordinate wives got mouthy with me. I dressed nicely, acted with decorum, and represented Thak in a way such that he regularly got complimented on it. I am told I am quite endearing in the way I still address anyone who outranks Thak with proper military courtesy, and can't quite bring myself to call Sergeant Major by her first name. I have played my role, and in the light of day, I have played it exceptionally well. It's just that, though. I have never internalized any part of the military wife culture. I tried for years, but it isn't me. Despite living among them for nearly six years now, I still do not understand military wives in general. Any attempt to fit myself into their world is short-lived, and they're not exactly wrong when they accuse me of being fake. Behind my mask, I am one of the realest people ever, but going without my mask in this world doesn't work. I've tried.
People talk a lot about how being married to someone in the military will make you independent and strong. I was already independent and strong when I married Thak. I had served in the Army, moved all over the country by myself with all my worldly possessions in a duffel bag on my back, and been a single mom for a little while. Being forced to continue being the strong and independent person I'd had to be all along, despite being married, was not empowering for me. It was kind of insulting. I think this is why, despite being a military wife by the simplest definition of the term, I have never considered myself that way, and doubt I ever will.
In light of that, it's hard to think of what I will take with me of these years when Thak was finishing up his time in the Army. I will say it was amazing to watch him earn the rank of Staff Sergeant, even though it meant attaining the maximum number of promotion points possible in every single area. I was so proud of him when Erin and I pinned on his new rank (even though my feet hurt! I was 7 months pregnant, and wearing 5" heels!) After that, I know there's nothing in this world that Thak can't do. If I didn't have complete faith in him before, I did as of my 27th birthday, the day he became a Staff Sergeant against what are universally considered to be impossible odds.
I think that sums it up. As we get ready to begin our final year, which will consist of closing up shop on our time with the Army, it is also the time to sort the wheat from the chaff. I will take with me the knowledge that as a soldier, I made a difference, and that as long as my bridges stand, I live. I take with me a brand on my left arm, a tattoo on my back, and one uniform that I've kept, along with every letter Thak's ever sent me in the past 7 years, and one flower from every bouquet he's given me. I take a jewelry box from Iraq, mementos from every post I've been to, and a hip that pops at inopportune times and makes me laugh because of the stupid way I injured it. I take the knowledge that my husband is the most capable man I have ever known, and that we're going to be fine, no matter what, because he's never met an obstacle he couldn't overcome or an expectation he couldn't exceed.
In retrospect, that must have been what these years were for. It's so easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day. Thak's just like any other husband, in that he generally puts his socks NEAR the hamper, never takes out the trash unless you ask him 10 times, wolfs down food that took 4 hours to prepare as if it were beanie-weenies from a can, and has a strange obsession with wearing a Minnesota Vikings shirt in public just to get a rise out of Dallas Cowboys fans. It would be easy to dismiss this one as any other neanderthal, but he's really a lot better than that. Watching him take his soldiers to war multiple times, accomplish the most God-forsaken missions in the most dangerous places, and bring every single troop home alive every single time, proves that these still waters run very very deep. This is something I never would have known on anything but an academic level, had I not been by his side all these years (even if from half a world away). Some things, you just have to witness to really understand the magnitude of. Maybe that's what this was for. I'll take that with me right alongside my box of letters and my Engineer shot glass.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Savannah does it right.
Here's the news story. Make sure you watch the video, too, so you can really see how it is. I think I miss that the most about Savannah. Everyone there really loves the military. It's so obvious since one of the longest traditions is for soldiers to march in the parade on St. Patrick's Day, and for the spectators along the parade route to run out and kiss the soldiers as they pass by. You can see if you watch the video that the soldiers they talked to had lipstick all over their cheeks. It's tradition. In recent years, as beads have become a popular part of the St. Patrick's Day celebration, it's also become popular to put beads around the soldiers' necks as they pass by. So now they get beads AND kisses. Again, watch the video. It's adorable. Even the big tough Airborne Rangers can't help but smile! Plus, if you're a local girl, what's not to love about this tradition? How many days out of the year can you just walk right up to a hot soldier and kiss him?? Only St. Patrick's Day, and only in Savannah!!
Savannah loves the military. They really do. After leaving, I realize that. Granted, we are treated pretty well in many places, but the attitudes are different. Here in El Paso, the locals think we're cash cows, just here to save their crappy local economy. We make more money than the locals, but we aren't taking jobs from the locals, so they think we're their financial salvation. They try to scam us, and get every penny from us that they can. A military discount here is unheard of. If people see that you're military, they'll double the price because they know you can afford it. Some of the people resent us because landlords would rather lease to us than the locals because we're pretty much guaranteed not to be into crime, and we have steady income, and will be able to pay. To the people of El Paso, we are big walking bank accounts, nothing more. In Savannah, we were people, and that was awfully nice.
Savannah loves the military. They really do. After leaving, I realize that. Granted, we are treated pretty well in many places, but the attitudes are different. Here in El Paso, the locals think we're cash cows, just here to save their crappy local economy. We make more money than the locals, but we aren't taking jobs from the locals, so they think we're their financial salvation. They try to scam us, and get every penny from us that they can. A military discount here is unheard of. If people see that you're military, they'll double the price because they know you can afford it. Some of the people resent us because landlords would rather lease to us than the locals because we're pretty much guaranteed not to be into crime, and we have steady income, and will be able to pay. To the people of El Paso, we are big walking bank accounts, nothing more. In Savannah, we were people, and that was awfully nice.
Monday, March 8, 2010
It's Women's History Month in the Army!
A Senate resolution this week celebrated women in uniform. I think that's outstanding. Also, in commemoration of Women's History Month, have a look at this website. It's awesome.
I think everyone should know the history of female soldiers, and how far we've come. Did you know that it was only a few years before I was born that female troops were even considered part of the Regular Army? Before that, they were part of the Women's Army Corps (WAC). Now, we all know that the WAC existed, and that they had roles in various conflicts around the world throughout the time they were active, but I think female soldiers today, and even vets my age, think of it as something that came and went forever ago. Many of us took for granted that we had the opportunity to serve our country as soldiers, I know I did, when in reality, it is something that all of us who have raised our right hand and sworn our Oath of Enlistment, with no thought to our gender, should be quite grateful for indeed.
I know that the more I learn about how recently the walls have begun to come down for female soldiers, the more grateful I am for the opportunity I had to serve in exactly the capacity I wanted. What a great thing it was, indeed, to feel the call to serve (you vets ALL know what I mean), and be able to answer it my way. Were I only six years older than I am, I may not have been able to do that. It was that recent that restrictions stood between female soldiers, and many of the jobs within the Army. Now, we can do almost anything, and maybe in another decade or so, there will be no walls left standing. Maybe we will be able to be recognized officially for the tasks we've been performing behind the scenes and off the radar screen for far longer than any of us could ever remember.
Molly Pitcher was the first female soldier (the military wives like to claim her, but forget that for now) and became that way by taking over her fallen husband's cannon, and fighting as hard as any of the guys to her left and right. As far as I'm concerned, that makes her a soldier, and an artillery soldier at that. No female since Molly Pitcher has served in a Combat Arms job (Infantry, Artillery, Armor, and Combat Engineers), at least on record, but maybe that will change within my lifetime. I know I'd love to see the day that real live modern day Molly Pitchers man the Artillery guns once again, in every rank from Private to Colonel! With the rate that my Army's been making progress, that day may come sooner rather than later.
The first female soldiers to serve AS SOLDIERS (not WAC's) in a war were our Gulf War vets. There were 24,000 female soldiers in that war, and two of them were VERY influential to me. One was my one and only female Drill Sergeant, whose job it was to drive convoys through every condition and many ambushes, and was only a Private, fresh out of training, when she earned her combat patch. The other was my Sergeant Major who was a Staff Sergeant when she set foot on Kuwaiti soil, and was responsible for a platoon of carpenters. These women were some of the first female soldiers ever to wear a combat patch on their uniforms, and I am so proud to have had the opportunity to serve with them. To this day, I reflect on the lessons they taught me. Command Sergeant Major B and Drill Sergeant C are pioneers. They, and their peers, paved the way for the many female soldiers who serve in combat today.
It is important to look at our history, but it is also important to think of where we want to be in the future. We have such a great thing started, and we mist progress. Beyond seeing more jobs opened to women who can meet the requirements, I hope the most of all to see a day within my lifetime, when female soldiers will be just as respected as their male counterparts. It is my biggest dream to know a day when female soldiers are not looked at as having suspect reasons for enlisting, and are looked at as exactly what they are, SOLDIERS, rather than any of the negative stereotypes that are cast upon us the minute we report to our units, and weigh on us heavier than any ruck sack we have ever carried. Will there ever be a day when a girl can say, "I want to be a soldier when I grow up!" and people won't tell her that's for boys? Will there be a day when a female PFC can call her squad leader to ask a legitimate question, and not have to worry about getting yelled at by his wife because she doesn't think women ought to serve with her husband? Will female soldiers ever be promoted at the rate of their brothers? Well, I hope the answer to all these questions is YES, AND SOON!!
While we, as a nation, still have a long way to go in the way of acceptance and treatment of female soldiers and veterans, we have come far, and I can safely say that I am so proud to be a FEMALE Army veteran!!! We have come so far, and I am so happy to have been able to be a part of it, even if it was a very small part. Serving my country in uniform, for all its hardships, was by far the best decision I ever made.
Strong eyes + Unbeatable math skills + Fast walking + Dark sense of humor = US Army Land Surveyor
Male or female, US Army surveyors are the best in the world!
I think everyone should know the history of female soldiers, and how far we've come. Did you know that it was only a few years before I was born that female troops were even considered part of the Regular Army? Before that, they were part of the Women's Army Corps (WAC). Now, we all know that the WAC existed, and that they had roles in various conflicts around the world throughout the time they were active, but I think female soldiers today, and even vets my age, think of it as something that came and went forever ago. Many of us took for granted that we had the opportunity to serve our country as soldiers, I know I did, when in reality, it is something that all of us who have raised our right hand and sworn our Oath of Enlistment, with no thought to our gender, should be quite grateful for indeed.
I know that the more I learn about how recently the walls have begun to come down for female soldiers, the more grateful I am for the opportunity I had to serve in exactly the capacity I wanted. What a great thing it was, indeed, to feel the call to serve (you vets ALL know what I mean), and be able to answer it my way. Were I only six years older than I am, I may not have been able to do that. It was that recent that restrictions stood between female soldiers, and many of the jobs within the Army. Now, we can do almost anything, and maybe in another decade or so, there will be no walls left standing. Maybe we will be able to be recognized officially for the tasks we've been performing behind the scenes and off the radar screen for far longer than any of us could ever remember.
Molly Pitcher was the first female soldier (the military wives like to claim her, but forget that for now) and became that way by taking over her fallen husband's cannon, and fighting as hard as any of the guys to her left and right. As far as I'm concerned, that makes her a soldier, and an artillery soldier at that. No female since Molly Pitcher has served in a Combat Arms job (Infantry, Artillery, Armor, and Combat Engineers), at least on record, but maybe that will change within my lifetime. I know I'd love to see the day that real live modern day Molly Pitchers man the Artillery guns once again, in every rank from Private to Colonel! With the rate that my Army's been making progress, that day may come sooner rather than later.
The first female soldiers to serve AS SOLDIERS (not WAC's) in a war were our Gulf War vets. There were 24,000 female soldiers in that war, and two of them were VERY influential to me. One was my one and only female Drill Sergeant, whose job it was to drive convoys through every condition and many ambushes, and was only a Private, fresh out of training, when she earned her combat patch. The other was my Sergeant Major who was a Staff Sergeant when she set foot on Kuwaiti soil, and was responsible for a platoon of carpenters. These women were some of the first female soldiers ever to wear a combat patch on their uniforms, and I am so proud to have had the opportunity to serve with them. To this day, I reflect on the lessons they taught me. Command Sergeant Major B and Drill Sergeant C are pioneers. They, and their peers, paved the way for the many female soldiers who serve in combat today.
It is important to look at our history, but it is also important to think of where we want to be in the future. We have such a great thing started, and we mist progress. Beyond seeing more jobs opened to women who can meet the requirements, I hope the most of all to see a day within my lifetime, when female soldiers will be just as respected as their male counterparts. It is my biggest dream to know a day when female soldiers are not looked at as having suspect reasons for enlisting, and are looked at as exactly what they are, SOLDIERS, rather than any of the negative stereotypes that are cast upon us the minute we report to our units, and weigh on us heavier than any ruck sack we have ever carried. Will there ever be a day when a girl can say, "I want to be a soldier when I grow up!" and people won't tell her that's for boys? Will there be a day when a female PFC can call her squad leader to ask a legitimate question, and not have to worry about getting yelled at by his wife because she doesn't think women ought to serve with her husband? Will female soldiers ever be promoted at the rate of their brothers? Well, I hope the answer to all these questions is YES, AND SOON!!
While we, as a nation, still have a long way to go in the way of acceptance and treatment of female soldiers and veterans, we have come far, and I can safely say that I am so proud to be a FEMALE Army veteran!!! We have come so far, and I am so happy to have been able to be a part of it, even if it was a very small part. Serving my country in uniform, for all its hardships, was by far the best decision I ever made.
Strong eyes + Unbeatable math skills + Fast walking + Dark sense of humor = US Army Land Surveyor
Male or female, US Army surveyors are the best in the world!
Friday, March 5, 2010
Whatever will we do with only a 1.4% raise!! Woe is us!!
If you're on any social networking site, and have logged in within the past week, you've seen a page full of posts that look like this:
OK, so 1.4% is a rather small pay increase compared to what we're used to, but when you consider that our economy is in the toilet, and government expenditures absolutely have to be cut in order to bring it back, it was only a matter of time before the military had to bear some of the brunt of it. Frankly, I wonder why they haven't cut MORE of the pork from the defense budget, and kept it only to a small pay raise. They still plan on raising the housing allowance (which is necessary in many places since landlords love to gouge military people on rent everywhere I've been), and I don't know what they're going to do with the food allowance, but I don't see it decreasing. Annual clothing allowances for female enlisted soldiers decreased, but only by like $40, and out of the about $600 that the allowance is these days, that's certainly not a very big deal on an individual level, but will make a big difference when added up.
I think a lot of the garbage they spend money on really needs to go. They implement these new family programs every year which are so unnecessary, and most people don't even use, yet they cost millions of dollars to run. Why on earth would they keep making these useless things? Sure, study after study shows that the families who have dealt with more than two deployments in rapid succession are facing the biggest issues (Shocker.) but the solution to that is NOT to start up ten more stupid programs. How about a REAL solution? There is one, and it's easy. Keep the word of the lawmakers who have been saying for years that they are going to find and deploy soldiers with no deployments, short tours, or a long time at home between deployments, and rotate the people who have been spending every other year deployed for the past half decade or so to non or less frequently deployed assignments. This is not only far cheaper than starting a bunch of idiotic social programs, but it is a real solution, not a bandaid.
Let me tell you, as the wife of a 3-tour OIF vet, and a member of the type of family the researchers seem to love to study these days, the LAST thing I'm going to do when things get difficult during a deployment is run down to the Army Community Services and let some civilians whose husbands have never deployed tell me how to live my life, and spout the same old platitudes about how we have to live for this thing that's bigger than ourselves. (Why yes, the government fatcats and their dirty agendas ARE bigger than me... Please tell me why I'm supposed to live for that.) The Army family programs are AWFUL, and honestly, they should be cut by at least 50% to start, and more each year thereafter, not increased every year. If you've got housing, a commissary, a PX, a few things to do (on-post bowling alley and movies, parks, running trails, etc), and the phone number for the unit's rear-detachment and FRG, then that is ALL you need. What's more, most of that stuff is practically free because it utilizes existing facilities, and people pay for most of the things (activities, groceries, goods, services), so the agencies at least break even, and in the case of AAFES, can fund other agencies like MWR. (So basically, what this means is that the PX funds the bowling alley, etc.)
It is possible to run an Army on a drastically reduced budget, and that's what needs to happen. I am in favor of the smaller pay raise, and would like to see the majority of family programs cut in order to decrease defense spending. I would also like to see them settle on one camouflage pattern that they will use for 20 years or so. There's a lot of pork in the defense budget, and it needs to be trimmed. It's not going to be comfortable, but that's the way it is.
Military dependents are the most ungrateful people alive. I've been consistently disappointed in all but maybe half a dozen that I've met over the past six years. They seem to think that they should get all this money when the rest of the nation is scrimping and pinching just to make ends meet. Why on earth should that be? Isn't it enough that the pay is still steady, promotions are still happening, and still carry raises, housing allowance still increases in response to cost of living, and you can still get free medical through the craptastic military hospital if a 20% copay on Standard (FREE insurance!) is too much for you?
During the height of the recession, when others were losing jobs left and right, and billion dollar corporations were crumbling daily, our household income increased by 30%. Granted, there was a promotion, and a HUGE housing allowance increase that figured into it, but the fact is, that ONLY happened in the military that year. While our civilian counterparts were arriving at work to barrages of pink slips, Thak scrambled for promotion points, and pinned (er... velcroed?) on a nearly unattainable rank for his job. I never once had to worry about how I'd feed us, or if my bank card would be declined at the commissary. When a lot of people were losing their houses, and downsizing drastically, we moved from a 2 BR apartment to a 4 BR house in a great neighborhood. Granted, my husband is better than most at this Army thing (there's a difference between "good at it" and "meant to do it forever") but the universal fact is that the military did not feel the recession beyond the gas pump, and even then, a lot of people just bought motorcycles, and avoided the gas gouging that way. They had the means to do that.
So military people, take your own advice and suck it up! 1.4% is still a raise, and you still have a job. Be realistic about the world's situation, and realize that just volunteering to put on a uniform does not make you (or more likely your husband) a saint worthy of the lion's share of everything. You love to talk about sacrifice, and how much you give for your country, but when it comes down to actually feeling a little bit of the necessary pinch in order to begin healing our broken economy, you can't say a single good thing about it. Where's your sense of duty and patriotism now, military wife, lower-enlisted soldier... scrappy old NCO? Where'd it go? Sure, it's easy to be patriotic when it comes with a giant tax-free (during deployments) paycheck that just gets fatter every year, but when it counts, it seems you're all talk.
"President Obama has proposed a 1.4% pay increase for active duty military in 2011. This is THE LOWEST SINCE 1973! Nice to know that during a time of rampant inflation, while war is fought in 2 theatres, our men and women in uniform get A LOWER PAY INCREASE THAN WELFARE RECIPIENTS. Please repost if you support our troops!"
That is a direct copy and paste off my live feed. Literally half of it looks like that. Half. OK, I know, consider the source. Most of my contacts are military-affiliated, but even some of the civvies are posting this thing, so I'm pretty sure there's nobody on the planet who hasn't seen this yet.OK, so 1.4% is a rather small pay increase compared to what we're used to, but when you consider that our economy is in the toilet, and government expenditures absolutely have to be cut in order to bring it back, it was only a matter of time before the military had to bear some of the brunt of it. Frankly, I wonder why they haven't cut MORE of the pork from the defense budget, and kept it only to a small pay raise. They still plan on raising the housing allowance (which is necessary in many places since landlords love to gouge military people on rent everywhere I've been), and I don't know what they're going to do with the food allowance, but I don't see it decreasing. Annual clothing allowances for female enlisted soldiers decreased, but only by like $40, and out of the about $600 that the allowance is these days, that's certainly not a very big deal on an individual level, but will make a big difference when added up.
I think a lot of the garbage they spend money on really needs to go. They implement these new family programs every year which are so unnecessary, and most people don't even use, yet they cost millions of dollars to run. Why on earth would they keep making these useless things? Sure, study after study shows that the families who have dealt with more than two deployments in rapid succession are facing the biggest issues (Shocker.) but the solution to that is NOT to start up ten more stupid programs. How about a REAL solution? There is one, and it's easy. Keep the word of the lawmakers who have been saying for years that they are going to find and deploy soldiers with no deployments, short tours, or a long time at home between deployments, and rotate the people who have been spending every other year deployed for the past half decade or so to non or less frequently deployed assignments. This is not only far cheaper than starting a bunch of idiotic social programs, but it is a real solution, not a bandaid.
Let me tell you, as the wife of a 3-tour OIF vet, and a member of the type of family the researchers seem to love to study these days, the LAST thing I'm going to do when things get difficult during a deployment is run down to the Army Community Services and let some civilians whose husbands have never deployed tell me how to live my life, and spout the same old platitudes about how we have to live for this thing that's bigger than ourselves. (Why yes, the government fatcats and their dirty agendas ARE bigger than me... Please tell me why I'm supposed to live for that.) The Army family programs are AWFUL, and honestly, they should be cut by at least 50% to start, and more each year thereafter, not increased every year. If you've got housing, a commissary, a PX, a few things to do (on-post bowling alley and movies, parks, running trails, etc), and the phone number for the unit's rear-detachment and FRG, then that is ALL you need. What's more, most of that stuff is practically free because it utilizes existing facilities, and people pay for most of the things (activities, groceries, goods, services), so the agencies at least break even, and in the case of AAFES, can fund other agencies like MWR. (So basically, what this means is that the PX funds the bowling alley, etc.)
It is possible to run an Army on a drastically reduced budget, and that's what needs to happen. I am in favor of the smaller pay raise, and would like to see the majority of family programs cut in order to decrease defense spending. I would also like to see them settle on one camouflage pattern that they will use for 20 years or so. There's a lot of pork in the defense budget, and it needs to be trimmed. It's not going to be comfortable, but that's the way it is.
Military dependents are the most ungrateful people alive. I've been consistently disappointed in all but maybe half a dozen that I've met over the past six years. They seem to think that they should get all this money when the rest of the nation is scrimping and pinching just to make ends meet. Why on earth should that be? Isn't it enough that the pay is still steady, promotions are still happening, and still carry raises, housing allowance still increases in response to cost of living, and you can still get free medical through the craptastic military hospital if a 20% copay on Standard (FREE insurance!) is too much for you?
During the height of the recession, when others were losing jobs left and right, and billion dollar corporations were crumbling daily, our household income increased by 30%. Granted, there was a promotion, and a HUGE housing allowance increase that figured into it, but the fact is, that ONLY happened in the military that year. While our civilian counterparts were arriving at work to barrages of pink slips, Thak scrambled for promotion points, and pinned (er... velcroed?) on a nearly unattainable rank for his job. I never once had to worry about how I'd feed us, or if my bank card would be declined at the commissary. When a lot of people were losing their houses, and downsizing drastically, we moved from a 2 BR apartment to a 4 BR house in a great neighborhood. Granted, my husband is better than most at this Army thing (there's a difference between "good at it" and "meant to do it forever") but the universal fact is that the military did not feel the recession beyond the gas pump, and even then, a lot of people just bought motorcycles, and avoided the gas gouging that way. They had the means to do that.
So military people, take your own advice and suck it up! 1.4% is still a raise, and you still have a job. Be realistic about the world's situation, and realize that just volunteering to put on a uniform does not make you (or more likely your husband) a saint worthy of the lion's share of everything. You love to talk about sacrifice, and how much you give for your country, but when it comes down to actually feeling a little bit of the necessary pinch in order to begin healing our broken economy, you can't say a single good thing about it. Where's your sense of duty and patriotism now, military wife, lower-enlisted soldier... scrappy old NCO? Where'd it go? Sure, it's easy to be patriotic when it comes with a giant tax-free (during deployments) paycheck that just gets fatter every year, but when it counts, it seems you're all talk.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
More misunderstanding and poor treatment of female soldiers...
This week's issue of Army Times included a small update on the Ft. Stewart soldier who refused to deploy because she had nobody to care for her son. I was glad to see that she did not get any jail time, but was disappointed that they gave her an administrative discharge under Other than Honorable conditions. That's a pretty nasty discharge, especially when you consider that all she did was refuse to leave her 10-month-old in state custody. Dude, I would NEVER leave my kids under those circumstances, not for all the gold in Ft. Knox, all the tea in China, and all the money in the world! I, for damn sure, would not do it in order to go and sit on a camp in some desert hell because the government decided I needed to.
Again, I don't think this soldier handled this situation well. I think once she knew her family care plan was shaky (and she probably knew it before the baby was born) she should have requested an honorable discharge due to single parenthood. It is a common thing, and if I had a dollar for every person I know who's gotten out that way, I'd have more than a few bucks. I don't think this soldier is very intelligent or rational, because if she were, she'd have gotten out nearly a year ago, taken her honorable discharge, and moved on with her life. That doesn't change the fact that I still think she was taken for a ride by the unit right to the end.
One thing really bothered me in the Army Times article. They said that the Army's investigation had shown that she did not intend to deploy with the unit, and said she would do what she had to in order to get out of it. While there's certainly the possibility that things are exactly as those few words would imply, I would say the odds are far greater that she said something to one of her buddies (and during an investigation, buddies turn on you quicker than anything because they are threatened just as badly as you are!) like, "If they think I'm going to leave my baby in foster care, they're crazy. I'm not deploying if they think that's what I'm going to do." I know quite well how adept the Army is at twisting words, and cannot actually think of one investigation I've been close to in which words were NOT twisted to suit the purposes of some officer hell bent on getting his way. I don't think we'll ever know the whole story, and I am 100% sure that the three paragraphs in Army Times did not tell even a little bit of the truth beyond what type of discharge this soldier is getting. It's just one more example of the Army being extremely secretive with the truth, and vilifying a young female soldier who only wanted what every other mom on the planet wants, to be sure that her child would have the best care while she was working (yeah, in this case, work was a 12 month deployment. This just makes it even more-so.) I will say it again. This soldier had a baby. She did not rob a bank. Let's have some perspective on what's going on here. The Army is punishing a mom for trying to be a mom. As a female veteran and a mom, I am greatly disappointed in my beloved Army.
In that same issue of Army Times, there was a letter from a retired Command Sergeant Major. He was discussing Major General Cucolo's policy on war zone pregnancies. MG Cucolo, the new commander of 3rd Infantry Division (Dear God, please bring back LTG Lynch. This new guy SUCKS by comparison!) said that any soldier who gets pregnant while deployed, and the soldier who gets said soldier pregnant, will face harsh punishment.
First off, contrary to the opinions of naive military wives everywhere, people have sex on deployment. Married soldier couples are allowed to live together while deployed (finally!), and of course single soldiers do what single soldiers have always done. Sure, there are married guys who cheat, too. That's why you don't marry someone you didn't serve with first... Anyhow, I digress. Let's look at the size and scope of this issue. People who support MG C's policy say that pregnant soldiers leaving the combat zone early detract greatly from the mission. I disagree. I think it's a very small problem. In a brigade of nearly 4o00 soldiers, which a previous Army Times article used as an example, there were 12 pregnancies during that brigade's most recent 15 month deployment. 12 in 15 months, out of 4000 soldiers. Yes, that is a giant and widespread problem. Please alert the President. (Rolling eyes.)
More soldiers have to leave the battlefield for injuries resulting from their own stupidity than for pregnancy. Will we also harshly punish the guys who don't use proper safety measures, and injure themselves to the point of not being returned to duty? If we penalize pregnant soldiers, we NEED to penalize those idiots, too, because the number of them, and thus the impact to any unit, is far greater. It's not going to happen, though. They always threaten it, but I've NEVER seen anyone punished for being an idiot and getting hurt.
Anyhow, this CSM who wrote in agreeing with MG C's policy about was so ignorant. He basically said (I'm paraphrasing), "With all the contraceptive measures available these days, there is no excuse. Young soldiers get pregnant intentionally, and it's blatantly disrespectful to the unit and detrimental to the mission."
OK, at face value, that sounds about right. Every military pharmacy on the planet stocks a full supply of every contraceptive known to man, and boy do dependent wives (and daughters) take full advantage! Even married female soldiers can manage to get their hands on some of this stuff... sometimes. For single female soldiers, though, it's nearly impossible. Let me tell you why.
When you need anything medical done that's non-emergency, you go to something called "sick call". Basically, it's open clinic beginning at about 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning. In order to go to sick call, a soldier must go to their unit's duty NCO that morning, fill out a slip detailing WHY they're going, and then present that slip to their Company Commander. He must sign it in order for that soldier to go to sick call. They will not be seen without their Commander's signature, and the Commander will not sign it without the reason being filled out.
You want to be that single female soldier who presents the sick call slip with "contraceptive prescription" in the "reason" block to her Company Commander? Yeah, neither does anyone else. For one, like it's his business. For another, many Company Commanders, like mine, were very religious and would refuse to sign such a slip. And finally, a great many commanders do not want to let anyone go unless it's a total emergency, and he'll always tell you that you can take care of that tomorrow, but tomorrow, he doesn't let you go either.
Now, a civilian girl can go to Planned Parenthood, and get what they need. Try getting your squad leader to release you for that. It won't happen. You don't get to take off work unless the people above you think your reasoning is good, and none of the very married men above us ever think that there's a good reason a young female soldier needs such an appointment. Maybe it's better in units which have more female soldiers, and even females within their command group. Maybe medics, cooks, and quartermasters don't have this issue. I was neither medic, nor cook, nor quartermaster, though. I can only tell you that female engineers find absolutely no understanding or cooperation in a great many cases.
It makes my blood boil when military wives talk about this, too. They act like female soldiers just pop out babies left and right because they don't want to do their job. In reality, our access to contraception is maybe 10% that of anyone who doesn't put on a uniform and combat boots every morning. Any civilian woman in America can easily time her pregnancies by her standards. Female soldiers have to jump through ten flaming hoops to accomplish that same thing. THAT is why so many single soldiers get pregnant. It's not because they are trying to get out of doing their job, or because they are trying to slack off, or anything else. It's because the choices that civilian women take for granted are damned near unavailable.
I'm so tired of the implication that if a female soldier has a baby, she had some malicious intent in doing that. Hell, I'm sick of the widely held belief that if a female soldier does anything but act like a total robot 24/7, that she's in some way wrong.
Try looking nice at a civilian clothes function. You will be accused of trying to steal people's husbands. This accusation usually comes about when you show proper courtesy by greeting your superior. (Why is it normal and expected for civilian girls to spend time on their appearance, but when we wear clothes that fit and let our hair out of its usual regulation military knot, we are wrong?)
Try having a relationship with anyone other than the lowest-ranking, crappiest, fattest, stupidest soldier in the unit. You are social climbing. You're a rank whore. (Why is it ok for civilian girls to have standards, but not us?)
Try getting married to someone you are actually attracted to, meaning in many cases that he is older, established enough to have at least a little bit of rank on him, and he's well-connected enough that he can hold his own in most units. You have just complicated things for yourself BIG TIME, and you must have some ulterior motive. (Why can't we have good men? Can't it be a good thing when we find someone who makes us happy and whom we can be proud of?)
Try having a baby. You are a whore. You want free time off work and those snazzy maternity uniforms that you don't have to pay for (but you turn in after you have the baby). You want to pawn your duties off on the rest of your squad. You are a royal pain in the ass who is definitely up to something. (Can't anyone just say congratulations? It's a baby, not an act of treason.)
We are not allowed to be people. I don't understand why male soldiers are allowed, even expected, to live a very normal life off duty, but when a female soldier tries to do just that, they are maligned until the end of the earth. We have a long way to go before the Army will be a good place for female soldiers. Anyone who thinks things are ok the way they are is quite obviously male, probably Infantry, and definitely extremely ignorant.
Again, I don't think this soldier handled this situation well. I think once she knew her family care plan was shaky (and she probably knew it before the baby was born) she should have requested an honorable discharge due to single parenthood. It is a common thing, and if I had a dollar for every person I know who's gotten out that way, I'd have more than a few bucks. I don't think this soldier is very intelligent or rational, because if she were, she'd have gotten out nearly a year ago, taken her honorable discharge, and moved on with her life. That doesn't change the fact that I still think she was taken for a ride by the unit right to the end.
One thing really bothered me in the Army Times article. They said that the Army's investigation had shown that she did not intend to deploy with the unit, and said she would do what she had to in order to get out of it. While there's certainly the possibility that things are exactly as those few words would imply, I would say the odds are far greater that she said something to one of her buddies (and during an investigation, buddies turn on you quicker than anything because they are threatened just as badly as you are!) like, "If they think I'm going to leave my baby in foster care, they're crazy. I'm not deploying if they think that's what I'm going to do." I know quite well how adept the Army is at twisting words, and cannot actually think of one investigation I've been close to in which words were NOT twisted to suit the purposes of some officer hell bent on getting his way. I don't think we'll ever know the whole story, and I am 100% sure that the three paragraphs in Army Times did not tell even a little bit of the truth beyond what type of discharge this soldier is getting. It's just one more example of the Army being extremely secretive with the truth, and vilifying a young female soldier who only wanted what every other mom on the planet wants, to be sure that her child would have the best care while she was working (yeah, in this case, work was a 12 month deployment. This just makes it even more-so.) I will say it again. This soldier had a baby. She did not rob a bank. Let's have some perspective on what's going on here. The Army is punishing a mom for trying to be a mom. As a female veteran and a mom, I am greatly disappointed in my beloved Army.
In that same issue of Army Times, there was a letter from a retired Command Sergeant Major. He was discussing Major General Cucolo's policy on war zone pregnancies. MG Cucolo, the new commander of 3rd Infantry Division (Dear God, please bring back LTG Lynch. This new guy SUCKS by comparison!) said that any soldier who gets pregnant while deployed, and the soldier who gets said soldier pregnant, will face harsh punishment.
First off, contrary to the opinions of naive military wives everywhere, people have sex on deployment. Married soldier couples are allowed to live together while deployed (finally!), and of course single soldiers do what single soldiers have always done. Sure, there are married guys who cheat, too. That's why you don't marry someone you didn't serve with first... Anyhow, I digress. Let's look at the size and scope of this issue. People who support MG C's policy say that pregnant soldiers leaving the combat zone early detract greatly from the mission. I disagree. I think it's a very small problem. In a brigade of nearly 4o00 soldiers, which a previous Army Times article used as an example, there were 12 pregnancies during that brigade's most recent 15 month deployment. 12 in 15 months, out of 4000 soldiers. Yes, that is a giant and widespread problem. Please alert the President. (Rolling eyes.)
More soldiers have to leave the battlefield for injuries resulting from their own stupidity than for pregnancy. Will we also harshly punish the guys who don't use proper safety measures, and injure themselves to the point of not being returned to duty? If we penalize pregnant soldiers, we NEED to penalize those idiots, too, because the number of them, and thus the impact to any unit, is far greater. It's not going to happen, though. They always threaten it, but I've NEVER seen anyone punished for being an idiot and getting hurt.
Anyhow, this CSM who wrote in agreeing with MG C's policy about was so ignorant. He basically said (I'm paraphrasing), "With all the contraceptive measures available these days, there is no excuse. Young soldiers get pregnant intentionally, and it's blatantly disrespectful to the unit and detrimental to the mission."
OK, at face value, that sounds about right. Every military pharmacy on the planet stocks a full supply of every contraceptive known to man, and boy do dependent wives (and daughters) take full advantage! Even married female soldiers can manage to get their hands on some of this stuff... sometimes. For single female soldiers, though, it's nearly impossible. Let me tell you why.
When you need anything medical done that's non-emergency, you go to something called "sick call". Basically, it's open clinic beginning at about 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning. In order to go to sick call, a soldier must go to their unit's duty NCO that morning, fill out a slip detailing WHY they're going, and then present that slip to their Company Commander. He must sign it in order for that soldier to go to sick call. They will not be seen without their Commander's signature, and the Commander will not sign it without the reason being filled out.
You want to be that single female soldier who presents the sick call slip with "contraceptive prescription" in the "reason" block to her Company Commander? Yeah, neither does anyone else. For one, like it's his business. For another, many Company Commanders, like mine, were very religious and would refuse to sign such a slip. And finally, a great many commanders do not want to let anyone go unless it's a total emergency, and he'll always tell you that you can take care of that tomorrow, but tomorrow, he doesn't let you go either.
Now, a civilian girl can go to Planned Parenthood, and get what they need. Try getting your squad leader to release you for that. It won't happen. You don't get to take off work unless the people above you think your reasoning is good, and none of the very married men above us ever think that there's a good reason a young female soldier needs such an appointment. Maybe it's better in units which have more female soldiers, and even females within their command group. Maybe medics, cooks, and quartermasters don't have this issue. I was neither medic, nor cook, nor quartermaster, though. I can only tell you that female engineers find absolutely no understanding or cooperation in a great many cases.
It makes my blood boil when military wives talk about this, too. They act like female soldiers just pop out babies left and right because they don't want to do their job. In reality, our access to contraception is maybe 10% that of anyone who doesn't put on a uniform and combat boots every morning. Any civilian woman in America can easily time her pregnancies by her standards. Female soldiers have to jump through ten flaming hoops to accomplish that same thing. THAT is why so many single soldiers get pregnant. It's not because they are trying to get out of doing their job, or because they are trying to slack off, or anything else. It's because the choices that civilian women take for granted are damned near unavailable.
I'm so tired of the implication that if a female soldier has a baby, she had some malicious intent in doing that. Hell, I'm sick of the widely held belief that if a female soldier does anything but act like a total robot 24/7, that she's in some way wrong.
Try looking nice at a civilian clothes function. You will be accused of trying to steal people's husbands. This accusation usually comes about when you show proper courtesy by greeting your superior. (Why is it normal and expected for civilian girls to spend time on their appearance, but when we wear clothes that fit and let our hair out of its usual regulation military knot, we are wrong?)
Try having a relationship with anyone other than the lowest-ranking, crappiest, fattest, stupidest soldier in the unit. You are social climbing. You're a rank whore. (Why is it ok for civilian girls to have standards, but not us?)
Try getting married to someone you are actually attracted to, meaning in many cases that he is older, established enough to have at least a little bit of rank on him, and he's well-connected enough that he can hold his own in most units. You have just complicated things for yourself BIG TIME, and you must have some ulterior motive. (Why can't we have good men? Can't it be a good thing when we find someone who makes us happy and whom we can be proud of?)
Try having a baby. You are a whore. You want free time off work and those snazzy maternity uniforms that you don't have to pay for (but you turn in after you have the baby). You want to pawn your duties off on the rest of your squad. You are a royal pain in the ass who is definitely up to something. (Can't anyone just say congratulations? It's a baby, not an act of treason.)
We are not allowed to be people. I don't understand why male soldiers are allowed, even expected, to live a very normal life off duty, but when a female soldier tries to do just that, they are maligned until the end of the earth. We have a long way to go before the Army will be a good place for female soldiers. Anyone who thinks things are ok the way they are is quite obviously male, probably Infantry, and definitely extremely ignorant.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Look, everybody! It's another convenient excuse to tar and feather female soldiers!!
As a female veteran, I have learned one thing very quickly and well. Male veterans wear their service as a badge of honor for the rest of their lives. For us female vets, though, it can often feel more like a rotten, stinking, dead albatross on a string around our necks. Male soldiers' reasons for serving are almost always seen as honorable, admirable even, whereas female soldiers' reasons for serving, even if identical to those of most male soldiers (travel, adventure, getting out of a crappy town, etc) many times draw suspicion. I once was totally berated by a military wife for my reasons for serving, only to find out that her husband enlisted for identical reasons. The military, my beloved Army anyhow, is an exercise in hypocrisy. If the soldiers are bad, and they are, the dependents are 100 times worse.
Well, hang on to your albatrosses, fellow female veterans, because the national news media has given dependent wives who feel threatened that their husbands serve with women one more reason to tar and feather those of us who did, at one point, answer the call to serve. Oh joy!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34842238/
I have NOTHING against the soldier in this news story. I think people are failing to see this situation for what it is. All they see is a female soldier who refused to deploy, and at that, every non-prior-service military dependent on the planet picked up a stone in each hand, ready to lob it. I've heard everything from "She knew what she was signing up for, and should have been ready to deploy!" to "I hope they put her UNDER the jail for this!"
Am I the only one who saw that this girl HAD a family care plan, as is required of every single parent in the Army, and that family care plan fell through just days before she deployed? I'm pretty disappointed to see that I appear to be among the only people who sees that this soldier was trying to do the right thing, DID the right thing, and then when the system failed her, resorted to desperate measures.
Do I agree with her decision to miss movement? No. I don't agree with it at all, and I think she handled the situation very poorly, but that brings me to my next point. Where was her squad leader? Where was her platoon sergeant? When I was in the Army, I couldn't eat chow, lace my boots, or gas up my car without my superiors needing a situation report on it, it seemed. My NCO's drove me nuts, but I remember them fondly for it, because they took really good care of their soldiers, and knowing what your soldiers are up to and what's going on in their lives is a big part of that. As a young soldier, I dated an NCO who was a single father, and I know what single parents have to go through to remain deployment ready. I know how often their leadership is supposed to check up and verify family care plans, and that it is COMMON KNOWLEDGE that if your family care plan falls through, the FIRST thing you do is tell your supervisor, and they will pass that higher so that the command can deal with it as they see fit. Usually, it will mean that you will not deploy with the unit, and will join them later when you have found arrangements for your kids. The other option is to get out. It is perfectly legal, honorable, and even common, to get out of the Army for lack of a family care plan.
This soldier had a choice, yes, and if it were me, I certainly would have seen the iffy nature of the family care plan at my disposal, and gotten out. This soldier, apparently did not, and this is the situation that resulted. If her squad leader knew about this, and did nothing, or used the old Army favorite, intimidation, to get her to shut up about it and feel like she had to fix it or resort to committing a felony (missing movement is a type of AWOL, which I believe is a felony), then the squad leader is the one who should face the charges for this. I feel like crappy leadership HAD TO have played a role in this situation in at least some small part. As a former soldier, I can tell you that not all soldiers are taken very seriously by their leaders when they raise a concern. If your leadership doesn't take you seriously, your problems will never be passed higher, to people who might be able to do something about it, and you'll basically be left out to dry. I've seen it happen 100 times, especially to female soldiers. For all the Army's talk of diversity and equal opportunity, there is a significant percentage of soldiers who really don't like us very much, and many times, we have to trust those very people to take care of us. Needless to say, it doesn't work very well. The other thing I see is that this soldier could have been too intimidated, scared, or distrustful of her leaders to take this concern to them. I don't even have to go into the reasons why a soldier can learn to distrust their leaders. They are too numerous to even list, and anyone with even a working knowledge of the military can certainly imagine the types of things that would cause that. One way or another, though, this soldier didn't get the help she needed from her leadership. If her leaders knew about this, her commander would not have been expecting her to show up that day, and there would have been a better plan in place for how she would proceed. The system failed this soldier, and now she is paying the price.
I'm not surprised by how the Army handled this. I'm not even surprised that the situation happened this way in the first place. I was a female soldier in a nearly all-male unit. I've seen everything you can imagine, and a lot of things you wouldn't believe even if I told you (the truth is stranger than fiction.) It is reasons related to this why I am happy to have married someone I served alongside, who knows what the Army was for me, and who asks for no explanation. This is the way of things for many female soldiers. The system exists because it has to, and it works great for some, but for the ones who need it most, every safety net is broken, and every leader who's charged with your well being and readiness can't be bothered. Adding insult to injury, the male soldiers and their wives who dominate the Army from the soldier and family side only see that you wanted special treatment, that you weren't ready to deploy when ordered, that you missed movement. Really, anyone who's ever put on a uniform more than twice should see that this situation was easily preventable.
Shame on this soldier's supervisors and command for failing to know her situation and deal with it properly. Shame on male soldiers for acting like they don't see what's really going on here. Shame on military wives who selfishly only see that their husbands could never get away with that same thing, and refuse to put themselves, for just one minute, in the shoes of a single soldier parent.
People, she had a baby. She didn't rob a bank. Let's put down the torches and pitchforks for just one second, and think. We might see that this is yet another case of a female soldier failed by the very branch she serves, and then demonized by the misogynistic military community. If nothing else, and I know it isn't much, THIS female veteran reserves judgment on the accused until the results of the court martial are published.
Well, hang on to your albatrosses, fellow female veterans, because the national news media has given dependent wives who feel threatened that their husbands serve with women one more reason to tar and feather those of us who did, at one point, answer the call to serve. Oh joy!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34842238/
I have NOTHING against the soldier in this news story. I think people are failing to see this situation for what it is. All they see is a female soldier who refused to deploy, and at that, every non-prior-service military dependent on the planet picked up a stone in each hand, ready to lob it. I've heard everything from "She knew what she was signing up for, and should have been ready to deploy!" to "I hope they put her UNDER the jail for this!"
Am I the only one who saw that this girl HAD a family care plan, as is required of every single parent in the Army, and that family care plan fell through just days before she deployed? I'm pretty disappointed to see that I appear to be among the only people who sees that this soldier was trying to do the right thing, DID the right thing, and then when the system failed her, resorted to desperate measures.
Do I agree with her decision to miss movement? No. I don't agree with it at all, and I think she handled the situation very poorly, but that brings me to my next point. Where was her squad leader? Where was her platoon sergeant? When I was in the Army, I couldn't eat chow, lace my boots, or gas up my car without my superiors needing a situation report on it, it seemed. My NCO's drove me nuts, but I remember them fondly for it, because they took really good care of their soldiers, and knowing what your soldiers are up to and what's going on in their lives is a big part of that. As a young soldier, I dated an NCO who was a single father, and I know what single parents have to go through to remain deployment ready. I know how often their leadership is supposed to check up and verify family care plans, and that it is COMMON KNOWLEDGE that if your family care plan falls through, the FIRST thing you do is tell your supervisor, and they will pass that higher so that the command can deal with it as they see fit. Usually, it will mean that you will not deploy with the unit, and will join them later when you have found arrangements for your kids. The other option is to get out. It is perfectly legal, honorable, and even common, to get out of the Army for lack of a family care plan.
This soldier had a choice, yes, and if it were me, I certainly would have seen the iffy nature of the family care plan at my disposal, and gotten out. This soldier, apparently did not, and this is the situation that resulted. If her squad leader knew about this, and did nothing, or used the old Army favorite, intimidation, to get her to shut up about it and feel like she had to fix it or resort to committing a felony (missing movement is a type of AWOL, which I believe is a felony), then the squad leader is the one who should face the charges for this. I feel like crappy leadership HAD TO have played a role in this situation in at least some small part. As a former soldier, I can tell you that not all soldiers are taken very seriously by their leaders when they raise a concern. If your leadership doesn't take you seriously, your problems will never be passed higher, to people who might be able to do something about it, and you'll basically be left out to dry. I've seen it happen 100 times, especially to female soldiers. For all the Army's talk of diversity and equal opportunity, there is a significant percentage of soldiers who really don't like us very much, and many times, we have to trust those very people to take care of us. Needless to say, it doesn't work very well. The other thing I see is that this soldier could have been too intimidated, scared, or distrustful of her leaders to take this concern to them. I don't even have to go into the reasons why a soldier can learn to distrust their leaders. They are too numerous to even list, and anyone with even a working knowledge of the military can certainly imagine the types of things that would cause that. One way or another, though, this soldier didn't get the help she needed from her leadership. If her leaders knew about this, her commander would not have been expecting her to show up that day, and there would have been a better plan in place for how she would proceed. The system failed this soldier, and now she is paying the price.
I'm not surprised by how the Army handled this. I'm not even surprised that the situation happened this way in the first place. I was a female soldier in a nearly all-male unit. I've seen everything you can imagine, and a lot of things you wouldn't believe even if I told you (the truth is stranger than fiction.) It is reasons related to this why I am happy to have married someone I served alongside, who knows what the Army was for me, and who asks for no explanation. This is the way of things for many female soldiers. The system exists because it has to, and it works great for some, but for the ones who need it most, every safety net is broken, and every leader who's charged with your well being and readiness can't be bothered. Adding insult to injury, the male soldiers and their wives who dominate the Army from the soldier and family side only see that you wanted special treatment, that you weren't ready to deploy when ordered, that you missed movement. Really, anyone who's ever put on a uniform more than twice should see that this situation was easily preventable.
Shame on this soldier's supervisors and command for failing to know her situation and deal with it properly. Shame on male soldiers for acting like they don't see what's really going on here. Shame on military wives who selfishly only see that their husbands could never get away with that same thing, and refuse to put themselves, for just one minute, in the shoes of a single soldier parent.
People, she had a baby. She didn't rob a bank. Let's put down the torches and pitchforks for just one second, and think. We might see that this is yet another case of a female soldier failed by the very branch she serves, and then demonized by the misogynistic military community. If nothing else, and I know it isn't much, THIS female veteran reserves judgment on the accused until the results of the court martial are published.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
FRG
Why must everything in the Army be potluck? I hate potlucks. And most applicable to today's to-do list, why must tonight's FRG meeting be potluck? It's AFTER dinner time. Yes, "we" decided to have everyone just bring finger foods, but why do we even need food? We're just trying to fill leadership positions within the companies. If it were solely my decision [which obviously it's not!] we wouldn't have food there at all. Maybe it's my no-nonsense Ft. Stewart influence [which is part of why I'm in the position I'm in] but FRG meetings don't have food, and FRG potlucks are something completely different. Meetings are meetings and socials are socials. I guess we do them both together here??
The thing is, this unit is brand new, so there's no precedent on anything. We set the precedent, and the way we make things is how they will be in the battalion for a long time to come, long after I've left this place anyhow, so this is a big and important time for us. I guess we're setting the precedent of doing meetings as potlucks?? Oh well... There's another precedent I would like to set tonight, and that is of dressing nicely for meetings. I swear there is nothing I hate more than seeing some 400 pound Army wife in sweats and her husband's Basic Training company t-shirt [stretched to breaking point, of course], hair a mess, not a stitch of make-up, and coming to an FRG meeting like that. No, I'm sorry, but when you come to a unit function, you are representing your husband, and you need to have more respect for him, for the unit, and for everyone else in attendance than to show up looking like a fat sack of crap. For that reason, I have to figure out what I'm going to wear. I might end up making a new skirt. I've got tons of awesome material for just that in stock, so that may be something I'll go ahead and do once Erin's working on something independently today. Then tonight, I'll pair the new skirt with some dark brown heels (it is after labor day, after all!!) and whatever top goes with it, plus my peacoat since it's cold at night now, put my hair up in a Spanish chignon, touch up the make-up, and there you have Mrs. SSG M. I can only hope that others will follow this example. Since the unit is in its inaugural stages, there's a possibility. The Army needs more old-school, and this unit's got potential. I'm going to try.
Well, I have to run! Time for home schooling lessons, and sewing, and LOTS of cleaning!!! I can't get my game face on for the meeting if my house is a mess!!!
The thing is, this unit is brand new, so there's no precedent on anything. We set the precedent, and the way we make things is how they will be in the battalion for a long time to come, long after I've left this place anyhow, so this is a big and important time for us. I guess we're setting the precedent of doing meetings as potlucks?? Oh well... There's another precedent I would like to set tonight, and that is of dressing nicely for meetings. I swear there is nothing I hate more than seeing some 400 pound Army wife in sweats and her husband's Basic Training company t-shirt [stretched to breaking point, of course], hair a mess, not a stitch of make-up, and coming to an FRG meeting like that. No, I'm sorry, but when you come to a unit function, you are representing your husband, and you need to have more respect for him, for the unit, and for everyone else in attendance than to show up looking like a fat sack of crap. For that reason, I have to figure out what I'm going to wear. I might end up making a new skirt. I've got tons of awesome material for just that in stock, so that may be something I'll go ahead and do once Erin's working on something independently today. Then tonight, I'll pair the new skirt with some dark brown heels (it is after labor day, after all!!) and whatever top goes with it, plus my peacoat since it's cold at night now, put my hair up in a Spanish chignon, touch up the make-up, and there you have Mrs. SSG M. I can only hope that others will follow this example. Since the unit is in its inaugural stages, there's a possibility. The Army needs more old-school, and this unit's got potential. I'm going to try.
Well, I have to run! Time for home schooling lessons, and sewing, and LOTS of cleaning!!! I can't get my game face on for the meeting if my house is a mess!!!
Friday, August 28, 2009
How not to sell stuff:
So Thak and I have been looking for a normal-height kitchen table so that the kids can use it more easily, plus Orren's high chair doesn't work well at our pub-height table, so we just need something lower. Being that we don't want to spend a ton on something that's probably going to get pretty hard use over the next few years, we've had our eyes on craigslist and other local ad sites for something old and kind of beat up, but that we can refinish to our liking. Our only requirements are that it be solid wood, and that it be sound.
I found something that seemed to fit the bill yesterday, and the $100 pricetag was almost too good to be true. (We were planning on spending up to $250.) so I emailed the seller, and asked if she still had it. I told her my husband and I were looking for an older solid-wood dining table, of regular height, to refinish, and we would be interested in coming and having a look at the one she listed.
She emails me back and asks me to come NOW. Well, sorry, but Thak's at work, so no. I'm not going to go and buy something for him to refinish, without him looking at it, too. Plus, what if he doesn't like it? It's his house, too... So I said no. I really couldn't come NOW.
Well, she emails me again, asking if I'm SURE I can't come NOW.
I began to get annoyed, but kept my cool, and said that I was indeed certain that I could not come NOW, because I couldn't quite well fit a table and four chairs into my car, and my husband has the truck. I told a little white lie that he goes directly from work to school, but honestly, if I hadn't she would have hounded me even worse.
She emails me back, asking if I'm 100% sure I can't come tonight, and couldn't I ask my husband to ask his SGT to release him early. I explained that asking a SGT to release his boss early probably wouldn't do anything, other than get a laugh out of the whole unit, and once again told her that I was absolutely certain that I would not be by that night. I also once again explained that my husband is the one who refinishes furniture, and he HAS to have a look at it before we even decide if we want it.
She emails me back and tells me to come the following morning, and gives me the directions to her house. OK, see, where are you not getting the part about "Must bring husband with."? But the directions confirmed what I had expected. She lives in a housing area designated only for Privates. (May is certain the table is a hand-me-down from back home that they're selling in order to tide them over until payday. I think she's right. It doesn't look like the usual Private's dollar store special. It's old and beat up, but there's nice wood there which could refinish really well.)
Anyhow, I told her that I would not be by, and would give her a call if I could make it any time over the course of that day. I'm NOT planning on calling her. This is way more trouble than it's worth, and honestly, I was so put off with her just hounding me for this money, that I don't want to give her a dime even if she does have something worth buying.
So I just went into my email account, and this girl has emailed me no fewer than half a dozen times, with various ideas of how to get me to come get this thing, or bring it to me, like NOW, and all this other stuff.
I'm sorry, but I am not a money tree. Next time, don't seem so desperate, and maybe I will buy your thing. As it is, maybe next weekend, we will drive around to the various antique stores and reclaimed wood furniture stores, and find ourselves something. I don't give a crap if it's made in Mexico. I'd rather a Mexican carpenter have my money than a Private's wife who thinks it's a cool idea to hound people for it.
I just don't get it. I mean, with my purses, certainly there have been times when I needed the money from a sale, and when I notified that customer, I HOPED with everything I had that she said, "Can I come tomorrow and get it?" instead of, "Oh can it wait until payday?" but you know, I would NEVER hound a customer to pick up their order just because I (to use a recent example) spent all the disposable income for the month on school supplies we didn't end up needing, and dinner out twice last weekend. It is NOT other people's problem when I run short on cash, and it is not my problem when random strangers do. I understand needing money, and I'm happy to see someone selling things rather than dealing drugs (all too easy to get into around here!) but at the same time, give me a damn break. Find some other sucker!
I found something that seemed to fit the bill yesterday, and the $100 pricetag was almost too good to be true. (We were planning on spending up to $250.) so I emailed the seller, and asked if she still had it. I told her my husband and I were looking for an older solid-wood dining table, of regular height, to refinish, and we would be interested in coming and having a look at the one she listed.
She emails me back and asks me to come NOW. Well, sorry, but Thak's at work, so no. I'm not going to go and buy something for him to refinish, without him looking at it, too. Plus, what if he doesn't like it? It's his house, too... So I said no. I really couldn't come NOW.
Well, she emails me again, asking if I'm SURE I can't come NOW.
I began to get annoyed, but kept my cool, and said that I was indeed certain that I could not come NOW, because I couldn't quite well fit a table and four chairs into my car, and my husband has the truck. I told a little white lie that he goes directly from work to school, but honestly, if I hadn't she would have hounded me even worse.
She emails me back, asking if I'm 100% sure I can't come tonight, and couldn't I ask my husband to ask his SGT to release him early. I explained that asking a SGT to release his boss early probably wouldn't do anything, other than get a laugh out of the whole unit, and once again told her that I was absolutely certain that I would not be by that night. I also once again explained that my husband is the one who refinishes furniture, and he HAS to have a look at it before we even decide if we want it.
She emails me back and tells me to come the following morning, and gives me the directions to her house. OK, see, where are you not getting the part about "Must bring husband with."? But the directions confirmed what I had expected. She lives in a housing area designated only for Privates. (May is certain the table is a hand-me-down from back home that they're selling in order to tide them over until payday. I think she's right. It doesn't look like the usual Private's dollar store special. It's old and beat up, but there's nice wood there which could refinish really well.)
Anyhow, I told her that I would not be by, and would give her a call if I could make it any time over the course of that day. I'm NOT planning on calling her. This is way more trouble than it's worth, and honestly, I was so put off with her just hounding me for this money, that I don't want to give her a dime even if she does have something worth buying.
So I just went into my email account, and this girl has emailed me no fewer than half a dozen times, with various ideas of how to get me to come get this thing, or bring it to me, like NOW, and all this other stuff.
I'm sorry, but I am not a money tree. Next time, don't seem so desperate, and maybe I will buy your thing. As it is, maybe next weekend, we will drive around to the various antique stores and reclaimed wood furniture stores, and find ourselves something. I don't give a crap if it's made in Mexico. I'd rather a Mexican carpenter have my money than a Private's wife who thinks it's a cool idea to hound people for it.
I just don't get it. I mean, with my purses, certainly there have been times when I needed the money from a sale, and when I notified that customer, I HOPED with everything I had that she said, "Can I come tomorrow and get it?" instead of, "Oh can it wait until payday?" but you know, I would NEVER hound a customer to pick up their order just because I (to use a recent example) spent all the disposable income for the month on school supplies we didn't end up needing, and dinner out twice last weekend. It is NOT other people's problem when I run short on cash, and it is not my problem when random strangers do. I understand needing money, and I'm happy to see someone selling things rather than dealing drugs (all too easy to get into around here!) but at the same time, give me a damn break. Find some other sucker!
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