Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Carseat safety, revisited

With Orren's 3rd birthday approaching in just a few weeks, we revisit the topic of carseat safety, as we always seem to on his birthdays. It was the day after his first birthday that we installed our Britax Diplomat rear-facing in Thak's brother's car, when we went to Minnesota Children's Museum, and were officially "extended rear-facing", because although we could have turned him forward-facing by law and by product specs, we chose not to. On his second birthday, again, we chose to keep him rear-facing, thus exceeding the American Academy of Pediatrics minimum guideline for rear-facing. On each of these occasions, we knew that the choice was ours, but we chose to keep Orren rear-facing because it is 5x safer than forward-facing, and he's not at all unhappy that way, so we saw no reason to turn him forward-facing, and many compelling reasons to leave him rear-facing.

As we approach his third birthday, we also approach the age when we had said we would consider forward facing him. Our rear-facing goal was 3, and we're going to make it, in one of our vehicles anyway. In the car, which he rides in well over 95% of the time, he is still rear-facing in his Radian. He outgrew the rear-facing height limit of his Britax, which is in the truck, when he was 2.5 years old, and has been forward-facing on the rare occasions he rides in the truck, ever since. This has allowed us to sort of ease into the concept of him forward-facing, so it's not as scary, even though we still don't take the decision lightly. The fact is, he will be forward-facing full time one of these days, and since he's already doing it on occasion when he rides in the truck, it's forced us not to be in denial about the fact that we're going to have to turn him eventually.

I think a lot of carseat safety conscious parents psych themselves out so much about the benefits of extended rear-facing, that forward-facing gets demonized to the point that it's really scary to turn the carseat around when it's time. Watch enough crash test videos, hear enough stories about kids who have died of injuries that would never have happened if they were rear-facing, and learn every statistic about how much safer rear-facing is, and see if the thought of your kid forward-facing doesn't scare you just a bit. We arm ourselves with this knowledge so that we can correct the people who tell us we're crazy for going beyond a year and 20 pounds, and so that we can inform people who are in need of better information. We all know, beyond a doubt, that a step up in carseats is a step down in safety, and I don't think any of us look forward to taking that step down when we have to.

So, the million dollar question is, will we be turning Orren forward-facing after his third birthday?

And the answer is..................

No.

We will not be turning Orren forward-facing when he turns three. He still has about an inch left to grow in torso height before he will have to go forward-facing in his Radian, and he's still comfortable enough rear-facing, that we see no compelling reason to turn him around just yet. Sure, we're starting to have a few little issues, like him kicking Erin when he gets mad, and if this stuff worsens, then we will consider forward-facing for practicality (It's rather hard to kick your sister in the face when you're both facing the same direction). If it doesn't worsen, though, we plan to keep Orren rear-facing in his Radian until he outgrows the height limit. (I would say weight limit, but he's a skinny butt! He'll outgrow the height limit long before he even comes near the weight limit.)

If you told me three years ago that I would be keeping Orren rear-facing until the age of three, I would have told you that you were crazy. We had no intention on keeping him rear-facing past a year until I saw this video, which compelled me to do more research on the subject, and before I knew it, I was buying a Radian XTSL, so I could keep Orren rear-facing to at least age three. Then before I knew it, it was right now, and Orren is almost three, and we have no intention of turning him forward-facing just yet. Will we make four years? I don't know! I know a lot of people who do. I'm not doing this to win any kind of competition with friends, or anything like that. THE reason Orren is rear-facing is because it's the safest way for him to ride in the car, and I'm really happy about making it to three, and however much beyond we are able to get.

Monday, November 28, 2011

6 months!!

Bebe Chai is 6 months old today! I can't believe we've had him for that long already. It seems like just yesterday that I was hesitant to realize that those contractions were really the real deal, after all, I was only 40 weeks, and was expecting him to wait until right about 42 like his brother and sister had. No, Bebe Chai is his own guy, though, and he does things his own way, so he joined us six months ago, on his "due date", at home.

This day also marks something very cool for me. My initial goal was to breastfeed for six months, and we're there!! (See the garnet colored ribbon at the side of the page?!) Of course, we're not stopping. We probably won't stop for a very long time to come, but my next goal is a year. We've fought through all kinds of difficulties to get to this point, and a lot of days, I want to stop, but I keep going because breastmilk is THE biologically appropriate food for human babies, and well, it's a lot easier to just roll over and latch him on when he wakes up in the middle of the night than it would be to go all the way to the kitchen, make a bottle, and come back. Plus, going out requires only throwing a couple diapers and a wetbag in my purse, not a bunch of bottles and formula. In that way, it is easier, too.

I can't believe my little Bebe Chai is now a big 6-month-old dude who sits unsupported, is about to cut a couple teeth, and is pretty mobile, rolling all over the floor and getting into everything. He's so awesome!

Friday, November 25, 2011

The United States Army

We got Thak's first paycheck from the contracting firm the other day. Horrible doesn't quite begin to describe it. Sure, it's better than what he was making at BMW, but that's not saying much. We needed it to be triple what he was making there, and it wasn't. He thought it was great until I informed him that it wasn't going to cover the bills, and the kids could pretty well forget about Christmas if this is all he's making. (That's not exactly true. I have pulled odds and ends together for presents for them. They will get a Christmas this year, just not a particularly memorable one, presents-wise anyway.) He was a little upset that I wasn't thrilled with the money he's making, but did see it my way.

He wanted to stick it out with this firm for a few years and get promoted and make more money, and whatnot. I don't have that kind of time. I'm done playing false motivation for jobs that pay crap. If he had this job when he first got out of the Army, maybe, but he didn't. Instead, he sunk us into a deep hole with his stupid job at BMW that he insisted on staying in for way longer than he should have, insisting that he wanted to make it work, when obviously it wasn't. So this time, I put my foot down. I told him to find a recruiter, and work on getting back to Active Duty, that it wasn't ok that he threw our future and our lifestyle away because he simply didn't want to be in the Army anymore, and that he would do as other soldiers do every day, and put his family before himself. He was pissed about that, but I really didn't care anymore. As of today, he had cooled down enough to actually look into it, find contact information, call a recruiting station, and begin taking those first steps toward getting back to Active Duty.

He'll stick with this firm for as long as it takes for a slot to come available for him, and then he will go back to Active Duty. The pay he's making now will sustain us after we move (because when we move, we'll get a really cheap house... trailer... apartment... grass hut...) and just play the waiting game. We have some idea of what it will take for him to go back to Active Duty, and it'll take some doing, paperwork wise, but it is definitely feasible if he doesn't give up on pushing the issue. You ever convince somebody to push an issue they don't want to push? I did. It's not easy.

Did we love the Army life? No. Not even a little bit. But, the Army is where our life is, and in six years, when he retires and collects his pension, after 20 years of service, he can try the private sector again. Now is not the time, and I refuse to put the kids through this anymore. We can't afford for them to do anything. We're always stressed. It's a shitty way to live, and they deserve better. The way I see it, with this contractor job, Thak is doing pretty much the same job he did in the Army, assigned to an Army unit, living in whatever shitty Army post town they send us to, and deploying on the Army's schedule. So what kind of sense does it make to do the exact same thing for a fraction of what you were getting paid to do it before? It makes no sense at all.

I'm happy that he's even taking steps toward it. I hope that he will have more news later this week. With luck, we will be back to our old life before 2012 is out.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Fight for your right to..... uh.... dance?

Our bellydance troupe had been meeting at one of the gyms on post, in one of the rooms where they teach aerobics and stuff like that, when that room is not in use. We would get the schedule of classes each month, then we'd work around that. Occasionally, it would happen that our preferred room would be in use unexpectedly when we'd show up, or that we'd have to leave early because they had something planned for it that wasn't on the schedule, but that was pretty minimal, and pretty easy to deal with. We pretty much just came and went as we pleased, and it was not a problem. We weren't bothering anybody, or using anything that anybody else wanted at that time, so there should have been no trouble at all. Sure, sometimes we'd get people asking what we were doing, because they'd hear us zilling, and come to watch us dance, but we usually just invite them to join us. Nobody ever had a problem with us.

That changed today. About half an hour after we got there (and we usually dance for at least 2 hours, so we were barely getting started), a lady from the office came in and asked what we were doing. She said that in order to hold classes at the gym, we had to have prior approval. We explained that it's not a class, that we're just a bellydance troupe, and we meet there to practice. We told her that we'd been given the OK to use the room when it was not in use by classes, and that we had worked around the schedule. Seeing that that wasn't going to get rid of us, she took one look at Erin and Orren (who were wearing coin scarves and dancing with us) and Chai (whom I was taking a break from dancing to nurse), and said that they were a liability issue, and we had to leave.

First of all, BULLSHIT. It's a public facility open only to military ID holders. We are all covered, presumably by Tricare, so even if the kids did get hurt (which is extremely unlikely), it's not like we'd incur a whole gang load of medical bills. What's more, the gym is owned by the US Army, whom you CANNOT sue. It is physically impossible to sue the US Army, so there is NO liability issue. We knew it was BS, but we packed up our stuff, and we left. I took the kids and went home. Two of the other girls went to the office to discuss it further. They said it was straight-up BS from start to finish. We cannot, for the life of us, figure out why they have a problem with us being there.

OK, first of all, this is the ONLY post that any of us know of that doesn't offer any form of childcare in their gyms (and between us, we have decade upon decade of experience with the Army. We're all in our 30's, none of us are newlyweds, and most of us are former soldiers, so we've seen a lot of posts, and this is the only one like this.) Second, they allow people to bring their babies in strollers to the gym, and use the machines, or walk the track, or whatever, so the gym does not have a "no kids" policy. We fail to see how it's any safer for a kid, say Orren or Chai's age, to sit in a stroller next to an elliptical machine or stairmaster while mommy works out, than it is for them to hang out in a big empty room with a bunch of grown-ups, and participate in an activity.

So pretty much, we're going to be rotating houses to practice at until we can get access to the studio again... or not. In all this, I am thankful for one thing. The girls who are pretty much the leaders of our troupe do not have kids, yet they have stood beside those of us who do, and are not taking it lightly that the post gym is attempting to exclude us. They aren't going to just find more kid-free types to dance with. We're all going to work on this together, and we're going to keep dancing, and one day before too long, we're going to dance around the indoor track, in full dress, with all the kids in strollers, so as not to break policy, yet to show the people in charge just how much better it was when all we did was occupy a room for a few hours a week.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Something fabulous for Tuesday



So I don't dance on Tuesdays anymore. That's Wednesdays now, but today, I finished up my first tribal skirt! Yay! It's a 10 yard skirt from a tutorial that one of the girls I dance with sent me. It doesn't actually take ten yards of fabric. It takes six. It has ten yards at the bottom, though, which is why it's called a 10 yard skirt. Belly dance skirts are generally really full, some as much as 25 yards at the hem. The best part is that I found this fabric on sale for only $2.50 a yard this weekend at Joann Fabrics, so I spent $15 of the money I made at the post-wide yard sale (in other words, what I got for some of my old maternity clothes), and bought the stuff I needed to make myself a nice skirt to dance in. Yes. This will do nicely.

So basically, I have my first tribal belly dance outfit! It's simple, yes, but I like it. It's a skirt that I made, a coin scarf that I bought at the mall, and a choli top that I bought really cheaply from the same girl who gave me the tutorial for the skirt. The most expensive part of the whole thing are the Saroyan zills in my hands, and those weren't even bad. Belly dancing can be an expensive hobby, but when you know how to sew, and know other dancers who are your size, and have stuff they don't use anymore, it surely doesn't have to be.

The more I dance, the more I love it. Not only is it fun, but you don't have to have the perfect body or be super skinny, and everybody looks and feels totally fabulous no matter what! I'm so glad I accepted my friend's invitation to come dance with her group. It's seriously the best thing I have done for myself in years.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Our day at the canyon







For some crazy reason, Orren's been asking to go walk in the desert. I don't know where he even learned the word desert, or got the notion that he would like to walk in one, but he did. I mean, it's not too surprising. We do live in the desert. It was just funny when we were coming back from picking up something at a friend's house the other day, and Orren says, "Mommy, I wanna walk in the desert." and said it at least five times a day from there forward. He asked again while we were on our way home after picking Erin up from school today, so I decided to take them to go walk in the desert.

McKelligon Canyon seemed like a good enough place to go. I sort of know the trails a little, having been there before on a few occasions, and there are always plenty of people out there, mostly soldiers doing PT or road marches, so it's pretty safe. We headed out there right after I got Erin from school, after a brief stop home for her to change clothes, and everyone to go potty. Of course, I didn't think to wear some shoes other than sandals, but oh well... it's good enough for the Bedouins, right? I survived.

So we hiked, and climbed, and even saw all kinds of wildlife like a tarantula, which I did get a picture of, and a bunch of quail, which I did not get a picture of. The kids definitely tired themselves out, but cannot wait to go back.

We also picked up some rocks. I'm going to paint mine with a Texas theme, and put it in our garden, wherever we go after this. I suppose you could say we're beginning to say goodbye to El Paso, which, for all its bad points, has been our home for almost three years now. We don't know where we're going after this, only that we're going, and that our time here is coming to an end very fast.

These images... That's what I'm taking with me. That's how I want to remember this place.

Monday, November 14, 2011

OPSEC and contracting

For those who do not know, OPSEC is OPerational SECurity. It's a military term, and while there are ten points to it, the basic idea is, don't be an idiot with information you may have. In other words, "Loose lips sink ships". There's a lot of misunderstanding about what OPSEC is, and what it isn't, and about what happens when OPSEC is violated, but that's not what I'm here to discuss today.

I get a lot of questions about what exactly Thak is doing, and I totally understand why people are asking. It's a pretty cutting edge job that he does, and he had to get a Top Secret security clearance just to do it! For that reason, believe it or not, I am telling the truth when I say that I really don't know exactly what he's doing. I know he fixes airplanes, unmanned ones. That's really about it. I know a little of what that entails from the Army side since he did this job in the Army, but on the civilian side, there is a bit more to it since they are sort of in charge of setting the things up for the Army and the Marine Corps. The job he does now is a more in depth version of a job he did for five of the years he was Active Duty. I do not know any details on it. I know that there is a lot of information being put out, such that Thak and his classmates have study group every night until about 9:00 PM their time (which is 7 pm our time, so just in time for him to read Orren his bedtime story over the phone!). I also know that they take tests fairly regularly, and so far, Thak has done well on all of his. I do not know anything else.

The reason things have to be so quiet is not only because this technology is new, and will be used by our troops on the battlefield at some point, and it's best if the enemy doesn't know the details of it, although that's part of it. It's also because this is a government contract that a lot of other companies would love to have.

Remember back to history class in high school. Think about the Industrial Revolution, and how people would go into factories, supposedly as an employee, but instead, draw diagrams of all the machines they had, and take them back to their employers, and make those same machines. It was like intellectual property theft, basically. Well, that stuff still goes on. Say Thak was talking on the phone and telling me about the new thing he's working on. Let's say it was a system armed with confetti bombs and called The Flying Party. Well, let's say the guy next door to him is from Boeing, or Lockheed, or any of the other companies like that, and overhears this, then tells his boss that they need to make The Flying Party, just a month sooner than Thak's company is releasing it. Guess who just stole the contract. This stuff is real, and the place where Thak is staying while there has guys from a lot of different firms, and you never know who's listening or watching, so he literally cannot tell me what he does day to day. His job depends on it.

Just to give you some idea, there are no Smartphones allowed on company property. You are not allowed to use your laptop if your back is facing the door of the room you are in, because someone could come in and look over your shoulder. You are not allowed to discuss your work on the phone ever. You cannot list your employer on your social networking sites either. It is very top secret work that Thak is doing, and that's strange for me because it's a different level than it was when he was in the Army. Now we don't just have to worry about the enemy getting information they don't need, but we have to worry also about competing companies trying to move in on ideas, ideas that Thak will know about (or does already know about, maybe).

So I'm really not trying to be just contrary or stupid when I tell you I do not know what Thak is doing. I really do not know, because unlike his Army job, he really cannot tell me. Even speaking in code, like we used to during deployments, is not an option. What's more, I know that with him getting a top secret security clearance, our family is quite possibly being looked at. Maybe someone from the investigating firm is reading this right now. (I'm ok with that. Hi, guys!) I will not cause my husband to lose his job over something like knowing a few more details of it.

All any of us need to know right now is this stuff:

Thak is working for a defense contracting firm in the field of aviation.
His job is fast paced, and he is very busy on a day to day basis.
We can contact him daily via phone or email, although he doesn't have a lot of time to talk since he is always either at work or studying with the other guys he is working with right now.
He is very good at his job.
He is safe on American soil, and will be until further notice.

Honestly, what else matters? If you want to know anything else, then consult the firm's website. Everything on there is totally ok for public knowledge, but beyond that, no. That's what Thak was told in a briefing, and it sounds pretty simple to me. With any questions, it's probably best to consult Thak.