More unit stuff

The thing nobody ever tells you is how hard it will be, after you leave the unit that's pretty much carrying the entire Army's load, to muster enthusiasm for the unit you go to next. Sure, it's nice for a few months to know that you can watch the news, bad things can happen, and it's not 100% guaranteed to land on your doorstep like it did every time when you were in 3rd ID. Then that wears off, and you realize that it's really not that great, and it becomes VERY hard to care about this new unit. You will find yourself saying, "Well, in 3rd ID, we did...." and "Well, if you think that's crazy, you should go to 3rd ID!" or "The thing about a person like her is that she wouldn't last a week in 3rd ID." and things of the like. ALL the 3rd ID people who come here feel the same way, and NONE of the other units' people do. It's like we've always said, when it comes to the Army, there's 3rd ID, and then there's everyone else.

We had another FRG meeting last night, and I do like this unit, although it is frustratingly different than anything 3rd Infantry ever thought up. There is one thing that disturbs me GREATLY, though, and that is that last night, I was the only NCO wife in the room. We had about four Officers' wives, then me, and then a whole massive gaggle of lower-enlisted wives who all said "this is our first duty station" at some point during their introductions.

Not cool. Not cool AT ALL. For one thing, when this unit deploys, and it will, the LAST thing any company needs at its helm or anywhere near its leadership ranks is a no-tour-wonder. These girls will do awesome when all the FRG does is plan barbecues and Christmas parties, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty of what the Army does, they're going to fall flat on their faces. I'm not jinxing them. I just know. Remember? I came from 3rd ID.

It was a weird feeling last night, knowing I was the only NCO wife in the room, the only 3-tour wife, hell, the only multiple tour wife, and the only prior service one aside from A Co's FRG leader, who happens to be the only male FRG leader I've ever seen, and also a retired Marine. He's great. Under his leadership, A Co will be shit hot. With a high concentration of Officers' wives, plus the token NCO wife, HHC will be pretty great also. The rest of the companies? I fear for those girls when the unit deploys.

I've got cages to rattle, and lots of them. There are a few problems, though, and I know them better than most, as a former soldier and NCO wife.

1) NCO wives are THE single most jaded group of people you will EVER meet. We've been around long enough to have horror stories a-plenty about how awful the people were in any given one of our former units, and watch out for the ones who don't have horror stories because they're the ones who were doing the perpetrating. The last thing most NCO wives want to do is get involved with another FRG because of their horrible experiences with past FRG's. The way we are trying to overcome this here is by emphasizing the fact that this is a BRAND NEW unit, and the FRG is JUST becoming established. It literally is what we make it. We set every precedent ourselves.

2) Officers' wives get all the credit for what the FRG does, but in most units, NCO wives do the majority of the work. It's just like when the unit deploys and is getting ready to come home, the Commander is always congratulated on how great his unit did, and the people who actually made those great things happen are not commended at all. It's kind of like that on this side, too. Most non-prior-service wives think this is incredibly screwed up, and want no part of it. I haven't figured out a way around this one yet, because it's just the way it is, and being that I AM prior-service, I'm used to it.

3) NCO wives are often thrown into the muck and mire of the general "enlisted" side. Since Officers' wives kind of have an excuse to rise above that kind of thing, and stick to their own little group, they generally do (and understandably so), but NCO wives don't really have that excuse, because since our husbands work directly with the soldiers, we're supposed to be good to the lower-enlisted wives, so it's rather difficult to segregate ourselves socially under those conditions, although many of us would like to. When we try, the lower-enlisted wives pitch a fit, and it's drama drama drama. So FRG is a sticky situation for NCO wives in many units. Now I am in a position in this unit to alleviate a little of that. Thak is not actually in charge of anyone here, so I can host little functions that are open to NCO wives ONLY, and not hurt morale within the unit. The ones who want to reenlist will still reenlist regardless of whether or not their wife was at my luncheon the previous week.

4) It's a volunteer basis, and the Army's done a great job of telling wives of all flavors that it's perfectly ok to have your cake and eat it, too. Yes, you should have ENORMOUS amounts of benefits, but you should not be expected to do ANYTHING aside from lap it up. No, volunteering is not expected anymore, and it's really hurt the organizations. This is most true right in the middle, right where I am. Most of my peers are not 5 year wives like me. No, they're about Thak's age, and have been married about 15 years volunteered with horrible units for most of it, and are getting tired. I can't blame them for being tired, but this isn't the time for it, nor the place. You can relax when he retires.

5) The divorce rate. We have almost no NCO wives because most of our NCO's are divorced or about to be. Those who are married are married to other soldiers. (Gee, that doesn't prove what Thak and I have been saying all along or anything, does it?)



So I've got a small pool to work from, and the deck stacked against me. Even if I can convince them that this unit isn't like others they've been in before, the real question is, will they take it from me? I'm younger, prior service, and married my husband 12 years into his career. I'm Public Enemy #1 to a lot of these women.

Let's see how it goes....