Here's what you really need to know.

A lot of my friends here are just beginning, or about to begin, their first deployments. It always shocks me that there exist soldiers who haven't been deployed before, but they do exist, and we know a bunch of them. It is what it is. Anyhow, in this time of predeployment and beginning of deployment strangeness (that's really the only way I can think to put it), the same old cliches are swirling, people are short tempered, and everyone thinks they have the right way. I have been through more Army bullshit than most people I know, including multiple deployments, and never once did my husband just fill a slot on a FOB. He was always sent to the most God Forsaken, dangerous, make the news every night, type of places that there were. I watched on TV as my brand new boyfriend (who later became my husband) invaded Iraq in an unarmored truck. When they stepped up the efforts to calm the turbulent Anbar Province a couple years later, Thak was there. When they called for a troop surge on Baghdad, Thak was there again, and when soldiers went missing from a FOB south of Baghdad, Thak was part of a team that went forward ahead of the brigade, to help the efforts to look for them in the most volatile part of Iraq at that point in time. He has driven bomb-riddled streets, lived on FOBs nicknamed "The Shooting Gallery" because the mortars rained night and day, and earned the Bronze Star at the rank of Sergeant. This is only to say, when it comes to deployment street cred, we have earned every bit, and earned it hard. Short of catastrophic injury and death, there is nearly nothing we haven't been through. I'm about to tell you, from this perspective, what you REALLY need to know.

1) Anyone can do this.

I don't know why military wives always act like they're a stronger breed than others. It's so not true. We're just people, no different than any other. Acting like it takes a stronger individual to live this life only sets people up to be scared that they can't do it. I'm telling you right now, ANYONE can do this. We don't do this because we are stronger than other people. We do this because we have no choice. Never once in my life did I dream of watching the man I love invade a country on TV. Never did I wish for a husband who would have to do something so great that he was awarded a medal that most soldiers his rank are only awarded if they die. I never once thought to myself that it would be nice to send my husband off to war every other year for the first five years of our marriage. I did it, though, because our country asked it of Thak, and he asked it of me, and if you know me, you know there's really nothing in this world I wouldn't do for Thak. I am not stronger than you. I did it because I had to. Now you have to, and I know that you can. There's not a single doubt in my mind that you will make it through this. If I can do it, anybody can. Certainly, you can.

2) You know how to do it.

The most common question asked of military wives may be "How do you do it?!" especially when it comes to deployments. This question comes as much from rookie wives to senior wives, as it does from civilians to all military wives. There's really no answer, though. For every cliche pearl of wisdom that every military wives' book, website, blog, and organization will spout off relentlessly, the fact is, they're all crap at the end of the day. You've got to do what works for you, and the only way to know what works for you is to just live it, and do what feels right. Short of cheating on your husband, blowing all his money, and dealing crack, there's really no wrong way to get through a deployment. DO NOT, whatever you do, get bogged down in the details. I got through Thak's deployments in ways that all the experts regularly tell people are a recipe for disaster, but it's what worked for me. Here's the bottom line. The experts don't know jack about my marriage, nor about yours. Do what it occurs to YOU to do, not what some book tells you to do. The military loves one-size-fits all solutions. Marriage is not a one-size-fits-all thing. Know this, and do deployment your way. Anyone who tells you that you're wrong needs to find another tree to bark up. I'm telling you that as long as your way isn't harming anybody, then it's the right way.

3) Consider the source.

Rumors always fly before and during deployments. Some are true, some are not. The way to figure out what's what, is to use common sense (if it sounds too good, or too bad, to be true, it probably is), and CONSIDER THE SOURCE. If the person who told you the rumor (or their husband) is below the rank of Master Sergeant, take it with a grain of salt unless they can cite a reputable source (ie, briefing from the Battalion Commander, Army Times article, speech given by Secretary of Defense, etc.). I will tell you that every unit that has ever deployed has had a few certain rumors that always go around:

-No R&R
-18 month deployment
-Different location than originally intended

If you hear any of these, just brush it off, especially if it's some low ranking person telling it to you. The fact is, most of the time, people who are in a position to know these things are also in a position to call a meeting and brief people on them, so if you didn't hear it in a briefing, it's probably not true.

As far as the other kind of rumors, the ones about whose wife is doing what, just please don't even think of paying one moment's attention to that kind of garbage. Having been on the receiving end of that sort of thing before, I have no tolerance for it, and no benevolence toward people who engage in it. Nothing will tear apart a unit faster than these kinds of rumors, and why would you ever want to rake someone's marriage over the coals during a time that's bound to be difficult anyway? People who do that stuff really suck at life. You are better than that. Act like it.


4) Don't get scammed.

There is nothing more dangerous to a a soldier's bank account than a wife with a Power of Attorney and a distinct lack of knowledge of military-related scams. I was a soldier before I was a wife, so I received the briefings on these things. I'm very glad I did. Because I know how to recognize a scam, I was able to avoid some bad situations, and help other wives to do the same. Here are a few things to know about scams:

-Just because the envelope says "military" or "Army" on it, does not mean it's official business. In fact, most of the time, it's not. If you're unsure, take it to the Battalion HQ and ask one of the NCO's on Rear-D what it is. They will gladly help you figure out what it is. These scammers get your money by posing as official military entities, when really, they're just scammers.

-The military will NEVER bill you for your benefits by mail or phone. The life insurance is deducted from his pay directly. Most scams concern life insurance.

-If his rank is wrong on the envelope, you can pretty much bet it's a scam.

-The military will NEVER need your credit card number. EVER.

5) Get financial stuff sorted out beforehand.

This is not a PC thing to say, but if you know me, you know I am not a PC person. If your husband is below the rank of Sergeant, I guarantee the majority of his buddies are single. That means they don't have families to support back home. That means your husband is hanging out with a lot of guys who can spend a metric shit load of money on whatever they want, with absolutely no consequence. Video games, flat screen TV's, computers, expensive cigars... you name it, and it's sold on every FOB you can think of in Iraq and Afghanistan, and boy do soldiers ever partake!! If most of your husband's friends are single, he's going to be watching them acquiring all this stuff, turning their tiny rooms into the ultimate man caves, and he's going to want it, too. He'll get it in his head that he deserves it, if they can have it so can he, and whatever else they get to thinking after they've been gone a while, and before you know it, your debit card is getting declined at the commissary, and you have to figure out how to feed you and the kids for the next two weeks on the $10 he left you in the bank. I've seen it more times than I can count.

To prevent this kind of thing, you absolutely need to set a budget for what he can spend each paycheck, and do it BEFORE he goes so that you both understand it well. Be realistic. No, he doesn't need much money. He could technically make it just fine with $20 a month for haircuts and little else, but that's just bad for morale, so throw him a bone. We always agreed that Thak could have $100 per paycheck, and if he needed more, he needed to consult me first to be sure it was there. He almost never spent his full $100, but sometimes he did. Sometimes he saved it up for a few months and bought something big... like sapphire earrings for his awesome wife! But the idea is, set a budget you both can agree on. That way, he'll stick to it. And do it in advance so everyone understands it from the start, and mini-disasters are averted.

This also goes for anyone whose husband, of any rank, was single during his previous deployments. I will never forget the first time Thak called me from Baghdad during his second tour, and informed me that he was buying a laptop. After all, it was only $800 and his combat pay would surely cover it. Sounds innocent enough, but here's the wrinkle. I had just received notification that day that his pay was messed up, and me and Erin had $20 to live off of for the next two weeks. The LAST thing you want to hear while dealing with that is that your husband thinks he needs an $800 laptop. So basically, our first phone call of that deployment consisted of me telling him that he most certainly was not buying a laptop, and him pouting. Nobody wants to spend their first phone call like that. Get this stuff sorted beforehand, and be happier than I was that day.

6) He probably isn't cheating.

I don't know why the entire world seems obsessed with telling wives of deployed soldiers that their husbands are probably cheating on them. Similarly, the world seems to tell soldiers that there's no way their wives could possibly be faithful. This is all a giant crock. Most people don't cheat. The ones who cheat on deployment are generally the same ones who cheat at home. If you're not married to a scumbag, then you're fine, and should have confidence when you tell the naysayers to take a long walk off a short pier. Do not ever let mean comments from people in no position of knowing, ruin your day or chip away at your confidence. Sometimes they come from all angles, but even then, brush them off and remember that nobody knows your husband like you do.

7) Soldiers are not mushrooms. They do not do better when kept in the dark.

I hated that episode of Army Wives this past season where Claudia Joy had surgery and never told General Holden about it. (I always wondered why they didn't mention him noticing her scar. Guess the writers forgot about that.) Anyhow, the point is, some people think soldiers do better when anything that's not pure sunshine and rainbows is just kept from them until they return home. I'm speaking in general here, but I have never met a soldier who agreed with that. Ever. Not one. Ask your husband before he leaves, what he wants you to do in situations like that, if he'd want to know everything that's going on at home, good and bad, or if he'd rather you wait to tell him bad things until he gets home. Agreeing on your approach to this stuff beforehand will save you a lot of trouble down the road, and avoid nasty homecoming surprises.



In all, the point is, you can do it. You will do it. It's not like you have much of a choice. It's not fun. I'm not going to tell you it gets easier, because it doesn't. I'm not going to tell you it's for a higher purpose or the greater good, because when you're in the thick of it, that doesn't matter. I am, however, going to tell you that I'm here, and I understand. My house is a wreck, but I cook well, and I usually have beer in my fridge, so come on over if you're having a bad day. I can probably make you feel a little better, and I'll never tell you that you're doing it wrong. You're going to be just fine. I promise.

Oh happy day!!!

Erin told me there was a big truck across the street. I didn't know what she was talking about, so I looked out her window to investigate. This is what I found!




Why yes, that IS a moving truck in the driveway of my horrible, awful, no good, very bad, ghetto neighbors' house! Yay!!! I wasn't expecting this until sometime around MY birthday, which is when the husband's brigade is set to deploy, but apparently they're getting a jump on things. Works for me. Works REALLY GREAT for me, in fact.

Today is my lucky day! The kids are being good. I happened to find my husband cleaning the bathroom earlier in preparation for Erin's party. (Seriously, with that alone, it's official that hell is under at least 3 feet of ice right now.) And now they're MOVING?!!!! I should buy a lottery ticket (for the first time in my life) and see how far this luck goes!

2 months old!

Baby Chai will be 2 months old tomorrow. I doubt I'll get a cuter picture of him then, so I'm posting this one that I just took today instead. He is the sweetest baby.

Simple lessons a lot of military people could learn from my husband

Two days ago, Thak's big raise FINALLY got processed. They'd been talking about it for months, saying next pay period, and then the next. Corporate was dragging their feet, the managers were pushing it, and every tech in the shop thought it was BS that Thak was paid as little as he was. It seemed like there was nothing we could do but wait. Our savings are nearly gone from having to live on so little for so long. At drill this weekend, Thak started talking with a guy in his unit who works for the border patrol and said he could get him into one of the new shops that's opening when the federal hiring freeze is over. We had our feelers out for new opportunities, and it was "put up or shut up" time. When Thak went into work on Monday morning, he knew he would be talking seriously with his manager before the day was out, not to give an ultimatum or anything, but to find our for real, no ambiguity, WHEN he would get the raise that was promised for so long. From there, we knew we would make our decision on what to do next. When he left for work on Monday, I was half asleep in bed, nursing Chai, but I could tell we were both nervous. I wished him good luck, and he went off to work early just like always. Although I was nervous, I had faith in him. He's never failed us before, and I don't think he'd start now.

He called me at about 10, and told me that his manager beat him to the punch, and had asked him to come talk and fill out paperwork that afternoon. I was relieved because filling out paperwork meant that he got his raise. We didn't know exactly how much, and we wouldn't until he got done in the meeting that afternoon. I just kept thinking the best thoughts for him all day, hoping that it was enough for our family to live on. We don't need a ton, but we need enough, and that's all we were hoping for, that it was enough. Thak said he would call when he knew something, but the call did not come all day. As it turns out, he was on a big job and did not have a chance to get into the office until 5 pm. He came home after the meeting was over, and called me on the way.

It was good news. The raise is enough. Combined with his Reserve pay, we are living on about as much as we had when he was a Sergeant. That's not bad! We'll still have a couple tight years while we pay off our vehicles, but we have seen worse, and we will make it work, because that is what we do.

The amount of the raise was not the most important part of the meeting, though. The thing that was the best to us was his managers' explanations of why he got such a big raise, that puts him at a higher rate of pay than about half his coworkers, many of whom have been there longer than he has. They told him not to tell people how much he was getting, because it could cause issues in the shop (understandable) but that they agreed that this rate of pay is appropriate for him right now. They said the reason he is getting such a big raise (basically doubling his pay) is that not only is he a gifted mechanic, but he is always learning. He doesn't act like he knows it all already, and is great to work with. Because he is always trying to learn, he is becoming excellent at BMW's, and his customer satisfaction rate is nearly perfect. With his education, experience, and credentials, we would think a high approval rating would be implied, but apparently, Thak's is better than many. More than anything, they said that he is rare when it comes to veterans. Most military people (and mind you, his foreman who was in this meeting is former military, too) come in and want to start at the top, be paid unrealistic amounts of money, and just generally act like they know everything. They said they really appreciated that Thak wasn't like that, and that part of the reason he is getting this raise, aside from the fact that he's really good at his job, is because he has an uncommonly good attitude and a strong work ethic.

Personally, I agree with every word they said. He arrives early every day, only takes half an hour for lunch, and stays late every night. He never sees the same car in his bay twice because he gets the job done right the first time. Whether it's an oil change or a total engine rebuild, he does it right the first time, and he doesn't give his bosses any crap about doing the small jobs, or even really boring things like cleaning the shop, because he understands that everybody has to do it. He never turned down weekend work unless he had drill. He gets along great with everybody he works with (I seriously have not heard a single negative word about anyone) and is a good fit for the company. He did not come in and act like he's better than everyone just because he's a vet, and he paid his dues without expecting everything to be handed to him.

I think this is something a lot of military people should learn from. The unemployment rate among vets is really high, and while part of that is due to military skills not translating to civilian life, and to a lesser extent, bias from employers, I do believe some of it is also due to people getting out of the military and wanting the civilian world to just fall at their feet because they're a vet, or having unrealistic expectations of what they will make in the private sector. I have no idea why so many military people think they'd make more money on the outside. It's completely untrue, and if it weren't, then 99% of people wouldn't join the military in the first place. (Don't deny it. Everyone I know who's enlisted had finances as at least a small part of the reason they enlisted, sometimes the entire reason.) The fact is, when you get out of the military, you will probably have to start from the bottom with your company, even if you did go to college like Thak. Nobody gets hired in at CEO, and they don't care how many tours you have or how many medals you earned. Don't get me wrong. You may move up faster than people who do not have your years of experience, but you will pay your dues some way somehow. The thing that set Thak apart from a lot of vets is that he accepted that fact, and did good honest work without acting like it was BS that he had to start at the bottom.

We still have a long way to go before he is where we know he can be. We want him to be a Level 1 BMW Tech, the best there is. We believe he can get there in about four years. He's already taken all the classes for Level 4, except for one that he was supposed to get sent away to next month, but they couldn't get a spot for him. He's already begun taking the classes for Level 3, so that after he goes away to the last remaining class for Level 4, that he is eligible to go to the in-person classes for Level 3 as soon as they can get him in. He is working hard to move up, and he will eventually move up nicely, but the reason he's able to do that is because he is willing to do it their way.

The fact is, nobody made anybody join the Army. Nobody made Thak serve 14 years Active Duty and then get out. We make our own decisions these days. It is not the civilian employer's responsibility to come to you. It is your responsibility to learn how to do stuff their way, and if you're not ok with that, maybe it isn't time to get out of the Army yet. If you think you can give it an honest try at doing things the civilian way, then you've got a shot! Just be willing to pay your dues, just like Thak has, and still is. Because he has done things the way he has since getting out, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that we will succeed on the outside, even if it is hard at times.

Big fail, Ft. Bliss.

El Paso has been a wonderful place to breastfeed. Nobody has given me a dirty look. Nobody has said anything to me. I've nursed in public on a near daily basis, in a crowded basketball stadium, in the checkout line at Walmart (hey, Chai was screaming and there was only one thing that would quiet him. Would people rather I just let him scream? I think not.), at a popular restaurant while eating pho with my one free hand (an interesting maneuver!), and really most anywhere else you can think of. I never ever cover up (There's no activism behind that. It's just more trouble than it's worth.) The people of El Paso have been great about it. It's normal here.

Today I went on post to meet up with some friends at the playground at the PX. Ever since Thak got out, going on post is a weird experience to begin with. It's like looking at the few shreds that remain of my old life while we work to build a new one on the outside. So beyond the inherent weirdness of being on post, I was hanging out in the playground with Erin and Orren, waiting for our friends to show up, and Chai got hungry, so of course I nursed him. Every person who walked by stared, some with disgusted looks. One woman who was sitting on the other side of the playground from me stared the whole time, and gave me dirty looks the whole time I was there, even after Chai finished eating. Another woman (whose child was a complete brat, just for the record) yanked her daughter away when she got anywhere near me, and said something about how she didn't need to see "that". For the record, I'm pretty good at nursing in public now. I was wearing a tank top, and could latch Chai on in such a way to show very little. Any swimsuit on the planet would show twice as much boob as they saw there. Yet Ft. Bliss was not accepting in the least of Chai's right to eat his lunch wherever he wants.

I shouldn't be surprised, but I was. We haven't had a reception that nasty since we were in Savannah. (Savannah is a truly hostile place to breastfeed, but the more I think of it, the more I believe it's got more to do with the Active Duty military community than anything else.) El Paso has been so easy to get along in as far as nursing in public goes, I guess I got used to positive or neutral reactions everywhere I went, so it was really surprising to receive negativity about feeding my baby.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Women who nurse uncovered in public do not have an agenda beyond "feed the baby", nor any ulterior motive. I'm not trying to distract your husband, corrupt your sons, or cause a scene. On the contrary, I'm trying to save MY husband a few bucks by feeding MY son for free, and I'm pretty sure the screaming that would ensue if I didn't do it would cause a far greater scene. I will not cover up because covering up is a royal pain. So Ft. Bliss, if it offends you to see a mom nursing in public, how about you put a blanket over YOUR head? That would suit me fine.

Two things:

Thing 1:

Why would a person whose entire family is obese, and just had to get their preschooler tested for diabetes (and this child was found to be borderline diabetic, not fully, but still not good), feed their 2-month-old rice cereal several times a day? That stuff has been shown to increase risk of juvenile diabetes in those who are prone to it, and solids being given before 4 months of age has also been shown to increase this risk. Not to mention, early solids have a strong link to childhood obesity. So knowing this, and knowing that you have a strong family history of both, why on earth put an otherwise healthy baby at even greater risk? That's ridiculous!

See, I would just say ignorance is at play here, but I happen to know that this family receives WIC. As someone who also receives WIC, I know that when you go into the WIC office with a baby, they always talk to you about certain things. They want you to breastfeed. They want you to hold off on solids until 6 months, but at least 4, and they tell you why. They weigh your kids and tell you if they're overweight, underweight, or ok. These are things common to every office within the entire program, not just here. So basically, it's not like these people haven't heard the current recommendations, and it's not like they don't know that their older kids are overweight. So why do you do it to the baby? I don't understand. Even if you didn't know better for the older kids, you know better now, so why not do better? I'm sure this mom is getting all kinds of crap advice from relatives, but honestly, they're her kids, and the knowledge is out there. It's our responsibility as parents to think critically, and balance traditions with research.



Thing 2:

Everybody I know who's joined Roller Derby gets divorced within 6 months of joining the league. No joke. It all started out two years ago when a friend from college joined Roller Derby, and not even two months later, told just a few people in confidence that she was leaving her loser husband. Again, that was some time ago, and she did, in fact, leave him and move on. However, she's still in Roller Derby. Over the course of the past couple years, I've known several other girls who joined Roller Derby, and like clockwork, they all got divorced. Then just this past week, another one, who joined Roller Derby three months ago, announced her divorce!! It's so weird!!

Now, do I think there's some real causation here? No. Anyone who's spent more than five minutes of their life in any lab on the planet knows that correlation does not necessarily equal causation. Even so, I told Thak if I ever join Roller Derby, to just go ahead and lawyer up. Of course, he laughed, because he'll never have to worry about that. In his words, I'm far too prissy for Roller Derby. What can I say? He's right!

This is for Erin's birthday...

My parents sent us some money to get Erin a "new-to-us" bike for her birthday. We were going to go to one of the cycle shops around here this coming weekend since Friday's payday, but in the meantime, we kept checking Craigslist to see if anything of interest was posted.

Sure enough, last night, I found it. The pictures looked good. The price was AMAZING. I would be shocked if it hadn't sold because the ad had been up for almost 24 hours by then. It was too late to call, so I emailed them, on the off chance that the bike was still available. To my surprise, I got an immediate response, saying that yes, it was available. I asked if it would be ok for Thak to pick it up after he got done at work the following day (today). They said that was just fine. Rock on!

Thak came home with it hidden away really well in the back of the truck. When Erin went to bed, he brought it in so we could hide it away in the garage. Here it is! It is going to be a VERY happy birthday for Erin! It is in pretty much brand new condition. I cannot find one sign of wear on it. The valve stem covers even light up. It's so pretty!

So I use Craigslist.

Yes, I said it. I sometimes buy my kids' presents off Craigslist. Yes, that's right. Sometimes they get used stuff for Christmas and birthdays. It's not sad. It's not wrong. It's not nasty. It's actually really good, and I'll tell you why.

First of all, they don't know the difference. Take Orren's Plasmacar for example. Sure, I could have spent $60 and gotten a new one, but would it have worked any better than the one I got for $25 on Craigslist? No, it wouldn't have. Would he be able to drive it any better? No. Would it look better? No. Plainly, they do not know the difference if the stuff works just as well. It really is all the same to them, so why buy new for twice as much money (or more!) when you can accomplish exactly the same thing for less?

Secondly, it's green. A lot of times, people who are selling the best stuff on Craigslist are military families who are moving. Military families who are moving are notorious for throwing mountains of stuff in the landfill just because they couldn't sell it before they left. Often times, when you buy something off Craigslist, you're keeping it out of the landfill. You also aren't buying new, and thus you are conserving resources to manufacture new goods, by buying existing goods.

Finally, times are tough, and money's tight. My kids can get better stuff if we buy used than if we took the same resources we have, and tried to buy new. We have to make our money stretch as far as we possibly can, and buying used is a really great way to make every dollar stretch as far as possible.

So yes, I buy my kids' presents off Craigslist sometimes. There's really nothing wrong with it, and they're just as happy as they would be if we bought new. That's what really matters, isn't it?

Deja vu at our favorite pho restaurant

Yesterday, Thak and I celebrated 7 years of marriage. That evening, we went out for pho. Of course we had all three kids with us, but that was ok. It's where we are right now. Erin was being a picky eater, refusing anything that looked unfamiliar, but entertained herself well by working on her chopstick skills. Orren was tired and just wanted to sit on daddy's lap. He also accidentally ate a hot pepper, which resulted in much screaming, but thankfully, daddy was able to manage that catastrophe. Chai nursed the whole time. Me and Thak ate our pho, and tried to keep a lid on the mayhem that three kids in public are bound to create.

As we were getting ready to leave, in through the door walked the seven years ago version of us. She was white, he was south Asian of some variety. She towered over him in 4" heels, and he did an awful job of pretending not to care. (Wonder if it'll take him 6 years to tell her he hates when she wears heels, like it did for Thak to tell me that!) He explained the foods to her, just as Thak always did. She looked at the pictures on the back of the menu, just like I used to before I understood what the different stuff was. They were absolutely adorable.

It's crazy to think that Thak and I have been married for 7 years. That's insane. This is extra interesting because this year, I'm the age Thak was when we got married. Not to mention, it's almost 1/4 of my life. (Almost. I'm 29, so 7 years is a little short of 1/4, but close.) A lot has changed between now and then. We've moved a lot. Thak's earned medals uncommon for his rank, and a promotion widely considered impossible, and then did what many consider unthinkable (but I consider noble) by walking away from it all, so as not to have to leave us anymore. We've watched Erin grow from baby to big kid, and added a couple of delightfully rambunctious sons to the mix. We've dealt with everything from war to learning disabilities, and while our team work isn't perfect, by now, it's pretty damned good most of the time.

We have a long time to go, if we're lucky, and I have no idea what the future will hold, but I do know it's pretty cool to see where we once were.

Back to School already??

Erin just finished summer school yesterday, but since there's only a month between here and the start of the school year, we've got to start thinking about back to school already! Luckily, we've already paid all her fees for next school year, so we've just got to get her stuff. I thought this would be daunting, but really, it's not. This is what I figured out she needs:

New uniform shirts. (Her skirts still fit fine, and even when she does outgrow them, we got some hand-me-down uniform skirts from a friend that she'll grow into then.)

A new carry bag for her planetbox, and a new set of magnets for it, just for fun.

A new bookbag. Luckily, she's super excited about me making one for her.

Everything on the school supply list, which, for her school, is really not bad.

All in all, this is not terribly scary. I'm just REALLY glad she wants me to make her school bag. She's excited about going into my fabric stash to pick out what her new bag will be made from. She's already decided that she wants a messenger style bag, which I can definitely make for her. She'll have the coolest bag in school, and it won't cost us a thing!

The best lactivism

After our trip across the state a week ago, I realized that El Paso is a lot more breastfeeding-friendly than other places. I nursed Chai every couple hours during our trip, so that required us to stop in many cities and towns across Texas, and the reaction to me nursing Chai was a lot different than the reaction we get in El Paso (no reaction at all). In other towns, as I sat in the car and nursed Chai, I got strange looks, creepy stares, and even weird comments. It showed me that in El Paso, breastfeeding is normal. People don't even notice it anymore, which is how I like it, honestly. But in these other places, it's probably nowhere near as common as it is here, so people notice it, and they stare and stuff.

That lead me to a simple conclusion. The best lactivism doesn't include telling people to breastfeed, or staging protests when a business harasses a nursing mother, or taking on the big evil formula companies for their latest shenanigans. While all that stuff is great to do, the best thing that can be done for the cause of breastfeeding is simply to do it wherever you are, however you want to. If the baby needs to eat, feed him. Don't cover up if you don't want to. Cover up if you do want to. Don't leave the room, or go to the bathroom, or sequester yourself away in a corner, unless that's genuinely what you want to do. (In which case, by all means.) No, just continue about your business, and feed the baby. People will see breastfeeding as normal, which it is, and that's how societal change happens.

You know, in Denmark, which has one of the highest rates of breastfeeding in the world, the way they made that happen (because their breastfeeding success rates used to be just as pathetic as ours) was by normalizing it. How did they normalize it? The Ministry of Public Health started an ad campaign that consisted of just putting life sized pictures of women nursing their babies, in public places like bus stops, where people would see them and just get used to it. We don't have anyone in Washington DC who's going to put up big pictures in bus stops, but we can do it ourselves, just by feeding the baby when he gets hungry, wherever we are. That's what will stop the negative reactions nursing moms still face in so many places. That's what will take away that one challenge, because I know better than I want to, breastfeeding is challenging enough without dealing with other people's BS. This is how we put an end to that kind of thing. It won't be overnight, but eventually, it will work. I'm sure of it.

This is me at lunch with my friends, at a very popular cantina here in town, and Chai is enjoying his lunch, too! See? It's normal!

Chicken

I'm so glad I got my ID Card back so that I could go to the commissary and get our food for this pay period. It's like the best of both worlds. I get to shop at the commissary, but Thak's paydays don't coincide with Army paydays, so I'm there on the least crowded days. Anyhow, one of the reasons I was so glad to get back to the commissary was because of the chicken. It's such better quality than the stuff off post, and cheaper, too!

Yesterday I bought a whole chicken, hormone-free, cage-free, for $1 a pound, stuffed it with some herbs from my garden, and roasted it. We ate our fill of roasted chicken for dinner last night. Then today, I picked all the rest of the meat off it, which added up to twice as much meat as there was on the other kind of chickens I was getting, so it may do two casseroles. Then I boiled the bones to make broth. I got six bags of broth! That will do six meals! When you consider that we would be paying at least $2 a container for chicken broth, and would use a container at each meal that required it, we saved $12 just by making broth in the first place. Considering the chicken cost about $6, we pretty much doubled our money on that deal.

Yes, I am impressed.

Dallas, the Reserves, and all that...

We got back to El Paso last night after our long weekend in Dallas, really Arlington. It was an interesting weekend, but good in the end. The drive was not nearly as bad as we expected it to be, and the hotel was fine, no frills, but a place to crash, which is exactly what we needed. We didn't get to sleep until really late because we had to find something to eat, and I was NOT up for delivery pizza, which is Thak's default setting. He did eventually find a grocery store, and get some stuff to make sandwiches and salads, and we ate dinner at midnight.

The following morning, I woke up not feeling good, though. It turned out I was extremely dehydrated, but after hydrating all day long and eating a lot of veggies and fruits, I was feeling better enough to venture out. I went to Wal Mart for hair products since the humidity in Dallas will really frizz the crap out of your hair, especially if you've spent the past two years in the desert. Thak had let me take his iPhone while he was at drill, so I searched for a Wal Mart in the GPS app, and we headed out. We got like half a mile from our hotel, and right there in front of us was Cowboys Stadium!! Look to our right, and there's Rangers Ballpark! It was awesome! The Wal Mart we went to was actually right across the street from Cowboys Stadium. Let me tell you, that place is HUGE!! It looks like a giant spaceship. It's absolutely beautiful, though. I personally love the way the Vikings get a win every time they visit.

That day was interesting. Thak got off work really late, because the unit tried to cram like 3 weeks' worth of stuff into a day, so by the time he got back to the hotel, it was late, so we ate dinner and went to bed so we could get a lot of sleep and hopefully feel all the way better on Saturday.

Saturday was good. Me and the kids got up at 5:30 to take Thak to the Reserve Center, so that we could have the car to go to the farmers' market in downtown Grand Prairie. After we dropped Thak off, we went back to the hotel, and we all fell asleep until about 9 am, then left for the farmers' market when we woke up. The farmers' market was good. We got a lot of good quality produce, including a big basket of fresh okra!! The quality of the produce was so much better than anything we can get here in EP. We also bought a delicious looking loaf of apple bread to take out to our friends' house that afternoon. After we got back, Thak called and said family day was kicking off soon at the Reserve Center, so we needed to head over. I got the kids all ready, and we got in the car, only to find that the car wouldn't start. Thak got a ride to the hotel from one of the guys on his team, and they found that some safety switch in the clutch had been tripped, so they just had to un-trip it, and everything was fine.

Then we headed to the Reserve Center, and the kids and I got our first taste of Reservist life! It's definitely different than Active Duty. A lot of the soldiers (not all, but a lot) look more like civilians, and if everyone's in civvies, forget about being able to pick out the soldiers from the civilians! You simply can't do it! It's crazy! Everyone's really chill, though, and super nice. It's fun. We liked it there, although Thak is having a harder time with the adjustment to the Reserve way. He puts on that uniform, and he's in Active Duty mentality, and that's just not what's needed in this unit. He'll get used to it, though. He always does. He was just Active Duty for 14 years, and that's a pretty long-standing habit to break. Family Day at the unit was fun, though. The kids had a great time, and everyone really loved Chai. The food was good, too.

After we got done at the Reserve Center, we went out to our friends' house outside of Ft. Worth and had a barbecue. That was awesome. It was great to get out of the hotel room, and for Erin to play with other little girls her age, and to get to swim in the pool (Orren loved it, too!). The guys played with guns and fireworks and open flames (the grill), and the kids ran amok, and us moms just kind of hung out and caught up on the gossip. It was just what we needed.

The following morning, Thak went back to the Reserve Center for a half day of work, and me and the kids stayed back to pack up the room and get ready to get on the road. We got a later start than we'd have liked to as far as the trip went, but we made good time. We got into El Paso about 10 hours after we left Arlington. Aside from Thak thinking he lost his wallet in Odessa (and subsequently finding it in the glove compartment) and his orders blowing across a parking lot in Pecos (but they were caught by Thak and someone else), and the road that goes to our house being closed and us having to take a massive detour once we got back to EP, it was a smooth trip home. We got home at 10 pm, Erin went to school this morning, and Thak went to work.

All in all, drill weekend was a success. We'll post pics soon. We have to get some of them from our friend, but we'll post them when we have them.

Six week update a little early.

Since we'll be busy with a battalion function on Saturday, which is when we actually hit 6 weeks of breastfeeding, I'm going to do our six week update now!

First of all, look to the left of the screen and see the little ribbon? That's a breastfeeding achievement ribbon! Six weeks is the first one. There's different colors for the longer you nurse. I've never gotten to such a point to display one in my little corner of cyberspace before, so now that I am, I'm a little proud of it.

Secondly, I've got to give credit where credit is due. I thank.... my pump!! Seriously. I wish I had this pump from the get-go, like before Erin was born. If I did, I think I could have nursed all my kids at least part time. The pump helped me to overcome the extreme pain that I experienced while starting to nurse Chai (which was the same pain that was the downfall of nursing Erin and Orren) while maintaining milk supply. I exclusively pumped for a week, and then I latched Chai back on, and like magic, the pain was gone. I continue to pump while he sleeps in an attempt to build supply up to the level he needs it to be. I will say, though, that pump has already paid for itself, and will many times over. Formula costs about $200 a month. The pump cost a little under $300. A month and a half into the nursing relationship it helped me salvage, and it has paid for itself. There you have it, girls. Go for the expensive pump. It's good, and honestly, with this kind of thing, you can't afford to waste time with less than good. Trust me, I speak from experience.

Otherwise, we're still doing a lot to keep supply up. I've upped my dosage of Fenugreek, maintained my dose of Blessed Thistle, and continue to drink Mother's Milk Tea when I remember to (which probably isn't as often as I should, because let's face it, when it's 100 degrees outside, nobody wants to drink hot tea). I also continue to drink one beer a day, and use Tumeric in as much of my cooking as possible. It seems to be working. I pumped just now, since Chai is in bed, and just an hour after our most recent feeding session, I pumped twice as much as I was getting last week and that was after waiting hours between nursing and pumping.

Seeing that, I'm really motivated to get my supply up so that we can stop supplementing. I do notice that we are supplementing less most days than we used to be. (Like anything, there are good days and bad days.) Chai, of course, is eating more each day as he grows, so supplementing less even though he's eating more, is pretty good indication that supply is increasing. Tonight, I just really wanted to SEE it, so I pumped right after I put Chai to bed, and as it turns out, my intuition was correct. I am producing more milk. I also notice that Chai usually only takes one side at a feeding now, and it fills him up, whereas he used to take both sides and still want more. This, again, is another very hopeful sign.

So where do we go from here? We continue with the supplements, but increase the pumping. I think doing just a 10 minute pumping session after each feeding would help boost supply in the same way as power pumping does. I'm going to give it a try and see how it goes. I really want to stop supplementing, hopefully within the next month.

I also note that we are now 1/4 of the way to our initial breastfeeding goal of 6 months. I am pretty confident at this point that we are going to make it that long and longer.

Ten years ago

It was the summer of 2001. I was 19 years old, I wore Levis and my favorite boots, and carried the orders for me and three other recruits as we all boarded a plane in Jacksonville, Florida, bound for St. Louis, and eventually Ft. Leonard Wood, where half of us would succeed at becoming soldiers.

Meanwhile in Kansas, a Specialist became a Sergeant, and got orders to Korea.

Neither he nor I knew it at that point, but with my enlistment and his promotion and orders, we had both set off on the road to Ft. Hood, where we would meet. It would take us both the better part of a year to get there, and another month to meet one another, then a couple years after that to finally be together, but if the actions we had taken ten years ago today had been any different, none of this ever would have happened.

Had I not enlisted, had he worked less hard and not been promoted out of his slot, we never would have met. I probably wouldn't have left Florida, and just done something there, not sure what. He more than likely would have gone back to Minnesota, and lived out the rest of his days working on the line in the same boat factory everyone else in his hometown works in. My last name wouldn't be my last name. We wouldn't have our pretty little house in Texas. I surely wouldn't be sitting here in that pretty little house, nursing our infant son while our toddler son plays with the dog just feet away. These beautiful boys are here because ten years ago today, a civilian became a Private, and a Specialist became a Sergeant, and both chose to serve, and continue on the winding road to Ft. Hood. I, for one, would not trade a single bit of it.

Happy 4th from Baby Chai!

Otherwise, it is not a very happy 4th here. Erin got sick, and we're just three days from our road trip across TX, so we absolutely cannot afford for anybody else to catch the bug she caught. I've been sanitizing everything she's touched, washing everything, dousing Orren in hand sanitizer, and thanking my lucky stars that Chai is breastfed so he has a little more immunity against this kind of thing than he would if we'd gone to just formula. We're just hoping for everyone to be in good health come Thursday (well, really Wednesday since we have to go get ID cards that day!) and remain that way throughout all of next weekend.

So happy 4th.... with hand sanitizer, bleach, and soap.

What a big boy!!

Baby Chai started reaching for toys yesterday. He kicks at the things that hang from the overhead part of his play mat, and is really fascinated with this little bead maze that was sitting right by his play mat. He sat there for a couple minutes just hitting the beads and making them move. He loved it!

Holy cuteness!!

On this, Thak's 36th birthday, his aunt/godmother totally hooked us up with some random cuteness in the form of old pictures. I had never seen pics of baby Thak before, but wow! So cute! And don't Orren and Chai, but especially Chai, look JUST like him?!!!


And nobody ever told me that my husband was rocking the toddler mowhawk in the 1970's! What a trend setter! (What changed between now and then?!! He won't let me give our boys mowhawks!)

And of course your standard issue family photo. Too freaking adorable.