Civilian Activists

First, let me say, I appreciate the work of anyone who stands for peace. We have too many war mongering people in our society, and anyone who isn't like that is definitely part of the solution. With that said, there are a few things I have noticed when dealing with civilian peace activists, and I'll just address those things now.

1) Please, please, please, fact check yourself before publishing to websites. I don't care about misinformation that gets as far as your living room or the street corner in town, but when you publish something, you really need to make sure your information is accurate.  Being both a veteran and a peace activist, I can tell you that the military does not care for peace activism, and that they do read what we put out there. If it's full of misinformation, the message is lost.

You don't need to go to great lengths to make the military look like crap.  For the love of all that is sacred and holy, friends, my husband DID NOT go to Iraq without body armor.  He always had a kevlar and a vest, just like what you see on the news.  He didn't have an up-armored VEHICLE for the invasion.  Again, this is no great news, as up-armored vehicles did not exist back then, least of all in a construction engineer battalion.  Why? Because they weren't needed in previous conflicts when IED's weren't the issue they are today.  Nobody blames the Army or their command for the lack of up-armor at the beginning.  As for mine, please ask before dropping his name or his story somewhere. We don't mind if you do, but PLEASE get it right.  He hasn't retired yet, and we really don't need our names connected with anything blatantly false, even if it was done with good intentions. No other soldier needs that either. Fact check your stories. Fact check your stories. Fact check your stories.

2) Try not to make it about you, unless it actually is (In other words, wounded warrior wives or moms, it's TOTALLY about you. Everybody else, it probably isn't.)  Hey, I know how much it sucks that your son is deploying. My husband has done three tours, so I definitely get it.  Even so, I read an op-ed piece today that made me absolutely cringe.  It was from a mother whose son was preparing to deploy with 10th Mountain Division. Not only was the tone of the article very whiny (We're accused of being whiners already. We need to not feed that.), but this woman literally said, "They say they're pulling the troops out of Afghanistan, but they're sending more over. They can start by not sending more. They already have plenty there." 

Maybe you'd like to talk to my friend who just had her second baby last week, 7 months into her husband's 3rd tour in Afghanistan, about what it would be like for her husband to just stay gone until 2014 so that no new troops have to rotate over and take his place so he can come home. Go ahead and ask her how she'd like to introduce him to his brand new 2-year-old, and her 4-year-old sister who doesn't even remember what a daddy is, when he finally gets home.  Hell, why don't you talk to her husband about this?  He's an Infantry squad leader in some totally awful location. See how well he thinks he'd be doing after 3 straight years in the shit. Sure, your son wouldn't have to go, but a whole lot of soldiers would die from complacency, and a whole lot of families would be hurt, if you had it your way. 

The take away message to me from that op-ed, was that this woman wasn't really a peace activist, but someone who just didn't want her kid to go to Afghanistan.  Again, I get that. I'm a mom, too.  Constant worry is in the job description, and it is only more so when there's real danger involved. There's no shame in just not wanting your kid to go there. I don't want my husband to go there next year either. Why would I? What wife wants to spend 9 months apart from her husband, especially when he's already done 3 tours?  You don't see me putting that stuff in the paper, though.  There are things you put in the paper, and things you don't.  The things you do put in the paper are factual, calmly yet firmly worded, and relevant to the times.  While I don't diminish the gravity of your son's deployment, the fact that an 18-year-old Private is leaving for his 1st tour is, in the grand scheme of things, is not news. How about those with multiple tours who are sent back to back to back? How about those with PTSD who are deployed time and time again on psychological medications?  How about the fact that we have amputees serving in combat zones? How about the conditions of care for our veterans upon discharge from the military, or the state of services for our severely wounded veterans, and their families, or the rising number of veteran suicides?  Keep it in perspective.  I ONLY pull the "wife of a 3 tour Iraq vet with PTSD" card when I know it is relevant to the situation. I urge all activists to also make sure to know the situation before pulling whatever card you've got. I don't deny that the "son in Afghanistan" card is relevant to some situations. It just wasn't relevant to that one, and it did our cause of peace no service.

3) There is a fine line between anti-war and anti-military.  This is one reason I didn't like when Veterans for Peace functions were opened to civilians.  I've seen a change in peace activists in recent years.  It used to be that the overall tone was "love the troops, hate the war". Well, that's how most of us who have worn the uniform and oppose the wars feel, too. We love our brothers and sisters in arms. We support them 100%, and the reason we oppose the wars is because we don't want to see any more of them die for some bullshit reason that some politician who probably can't even find Afghanistan on a map, cooked up in some office in Washington.  In recent years, however, the civilians who frequent peace activities, seem to expect us to be ashamed of our military service. I hear all the time about how soldiers are nothing but pawns in the system, paid killers, mercenaries... (It's amazing what people will say right to your face when you don't look like a vet, in other words, because I'm female.) Why would anyone bring that mentality to a group of veterans? I can't stand that. 

This is a real change from the beginning of the wars.  In the beginning, the civilian activists were on the same page with us. They wanted this to end. They totally heard our message that we love our country, and we hate unjust wars, and that we can do so much better than this if only the citizens will demand it of the people we elected. Now, they seem to have turned against us at least somewhat, and that's odd.  Many still want to use our stories and our organizations' names, but they don't actually stand with us anymore. I don't like that.

I understand that in the beginning, everyone was a peacetime enlistee. None of us had enlisted knowing there would be a war, or what it would be. None of us chose it.  Now, 11 years in, almost everyone enlisted in wartime.  Most of the peacetime enlistees have either gotten out or retired. I do not understand what would motivate anyone to enlist during wartime, because I was a peacetime enlistee, but what I do know is that there are still at least a few peacetime enlistees serving because throwing away their entire future (ie, their retirement) because a bunch of civilians think it's a noble cause to walk away from their career after 12, 14, 16 years, would be stupid.  While these soldiers make up a small minority of the military, they're still significant. I also can't hate on the wartime enlistees.  I'm not in their shoes.  Maybe they always wanted to be in the military, but they were too young to join before we got bogged down in Iraq and all.  I was 19 on 9/11/01. I'll turn 31 in a few days. Most soldiers are younger than me, and I was only a peacetime enlistee by 8 weeks. You can't really hate on someone for when they were born.

The point is, though, it would benefit us a lot if we could just keep the focus on the issues, and the fact that the politicians are who need to be held responsible for this. Our job is to keep writing those letters, keep campaigning for candidates who aren't Republicans, keep trying to open people's eyes to the importance of ending the wars ASAP, and not starting any new ones. Now is not the time to villainize soldiers. I don't know if there ever is a time for that, but if it does exist, it isn't now.


I'd like to end by saying that I hope nobody thinks I don't appreciate all efforts for peace.  Everything anybody does for this cause is coming from the right place, and every last person who is involved in any way shape or form, is part of the solution. I raise these points not to diminish people's efforts, but to help hone those efforts to become all the more effective. We need to greatest effectiveness from this important work. I don't think anyone can argue with that.

You hate Obama because, WHAT?

America, you're killing me here.  Look, I understand, not everyone likes Obama.  That's ok.  You don't have to vote for him, and I won't tell you to.  What I will tell you, though, is that a lot of you look like idiots when asked why you're not voting for him.

Most common reason is, "I just don't like him".  Really?  Well, why don't you like him?  Somehow, you can never come up with anything.  I really hate to throw out this card because it's so old and tired, but I can't help but believe this translates to, "He's black".  I had no idea how much racism existed in this country until Obama was elected.  Hang on a second.  I'll make this quick, but hear me out.  Is there any other president within your lifetime who was as hated as Obama, for absolutely no quantifiable reason?  I couldn't stand Bush.  Ask me why, I'd tell you it's because he's a war monger.  A lot of people didn't like Clinton.  Ask them why, and they'd usually say it's because he's a cheater (although I personally don't think that matters as far as him doing his job, some people do, and at least it's an actual reason for their dislike).Obama, though? "I don't know, I just hate him."  Pretty fishy, America. Pretty fishy.  This concludes my discussion of the race issue.

I think the thing that slays me the most is that people think Obama has to get out of office RIGHT NOW, and they're basically scared to death of him.  When asked why, everything they tell me is so patently false that even Fox News wouldn't try to sell it.  First of all, can we please just agree that he's not a Muslim (although I'm not sure why that would matter), that he was born in the US (seriously, how many birth certificates does the man have to turn in before you people believe this?), and that he isn't the anti-Christ (because, sorry, but that doesn't exist. Disagree? Prove it.)?  Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about some of the other lies I've heard just today.

Obama wants to change the flag and the national anthem.  Oh, really?  This was one I hadn't heard yet, so I had to do some fact checking of my own when it appeared in my news feed this morning.  Of course, I could find nothing from any actual news source on it, and only a bunch of posts on Christian message boards came up.  Eventually, I checked Snopes, and there it was.  It was a rumor from a couple years ago about some comment that was supposedly made by Obama on Meet the Press back when he was a Senator, but he wasn't even on Meet the Press the day that comment was supposedly made. The entire idea that he wants to change our national anthem and flag is completely false, yet this girl rallied easily a dozen people around that idea this morning, talking about how much they "hate that man and want him OUT of office!"  Then, of course, I had to debunk it.  I wasn't in the mood to argue, so I simply said, "Not true." and posted the link to the Snopes page about it. She deleted the post shortly after, which didn't surprise me.

Obama wants to microchip us. This one really slays me.  Seriously?  How exactly would he accomplish that, even if he did want to do it?  I've looked for this provision in the Affordable Care Act (where it allegedly exists), and it's not there.  Hell, I've looked for all the things people say are awful in the Affordable Care Act, and I can't find them.  Please, people, before you speak out against something, at least read it first.  That way, if you oppose it, you can do so intelligently.  Nearly any point of view can be respectable, but it must be based in fact, not in rumors.

Obama wants to spy on us with "drones".  While I can understand the paranoia behind this one, let me just tell you as someone whose husband works in that particular field of aviation, federal airspace regulations make this one completely impossible.

Obama wants to tax all the working people, and give all our money to the people who are on welfare and won't get a job.  Dude.  Read some welfare regs sometime, and also, take a hard look at the part of the tax code that applies to you. Chances are, you're paying a lot less taxes than you think, and that people get a lot less welfare than you think.  Also, check out how much corporate welfare goes out.  If you're pissed about welfare, then maybe you should be looking at the real welfare queens, giant corporations that receive subsidies, bail outs, and tax breaks.  I'm not saying there aren't people who find a way to cheat the social welfare system, but I'm saying that they're not the biggest problem we have, and that Obama doesn't work for them.  Find me even one policy of his that supports the welfare queen lifestyle.  I'll give you a hint. It doesn't exist.


I'm not even telling you to vote for Obama.  If you're not going to, you're not going to.  What I am telling you is to look into why you are so against him, because there's a real possibility that the horrifying things you've heard, and bought into, are completely false.  Will this change your opinion? Well, probably not, but at least it will result in one less person spreading stupid rumors.  Election years would be far less irritating if people would actually learn the issues, and stick to them, instead of spreading lies.  The amount of lies this year has exceeded any reasonable expectation.  Let's cut back on that kind of thing, and focus on the issues.

Irony, and stuff like it.

The girl I mentioned before had her baby last night, 10 minutes after midnight, on another friend's birthday. Her other son was born on my birthday.  This girl cuts babies, and both of us whose birthdays she's had babies on are intactivists.  That struck me as rather ironic when I got news that she'd had the baby last night.  I thought, "One on my birthday, one on K's, and neither one with a full set of human rights."  Bodily integrity is a human right.  Let's be clear about that.  There really are no two ways about it.  Strapping a baby down, and removing a body part that's not the least bit pathological, with no medical indication and questionable (if any) anesthesia is a human rights violation, and it would be called one if it were anyone other than Americans doing it in these numbers. I look at my boys, and it absolutely disgusts me right down to my core that anyone could look at their brand new son, as I have twice, and think, "He's perfect, but...."

The girl worked hard to have as close to a natural birth as one can have in a hospital.  She had an IV, but nothing else, and in a hospital with a 70% c-section rate and a 95% induction rate, to get that close to a completely natural birth was something she had to fight hard for.  Yet, sometime today, she'll hand that baby over to some doctor whose name she probably doesn't even know, to have his perfect little body altered painfully and needlessly.

How can someone who fought so hard for her birth, totally ignore all maternal instincts when it comes to her baby?  Ask anybody who's ever taken their son to be circumcised.  Every fiber of their being was screaming at them to run away and not do it.  Even the most pro-circ people I know said they felt like they needed two shots of tequila to go through with it. That's your instincts talking to you.  It's the same force that made me turn away and yell "NO!" when my totally peaceful and non-baby-cutting midwife asked if we were planning on circumcising Orren.  I knew she was anti-circ.  I knew she didn't want us to cut him.  She just wanted to know our plans so she could try to talk us out of it if we had planned on it.  Even so, the instinct to protect one's baby is so strong that all that stuff I knew in my head didn't matter. All I heard was the idea of cutting my baby, which startled me, and shook me to my very core. To cut a baby is to ignore maternal instinct.

Please, please, please, just listen to yourself, not to your husband, or society, or some money grubbing doctor who's going to make his BMW payment this month by cutting your baby today.  Your own instincts are telling you not to cut your baby. Just listen.

What a convoluted web of information and people we have here.

I knew a girl at Ft. Bliss.  I'll call her Betty for now.  Betty seemed to be a decent person, just a standard issue lower-enlisted wife with a toddler.  She seemed open minded enough, but wasn't very informed about things.  When she got pregnant with her second baby, that's where the trouble started.

First of all, she paid a lot of lip service to homebirth, birth centers, and things like that.  At the same time, she totally slammed a friend of mine for her work as a doula, saying it's not a real job, and unnecessary.  Also, when she found out she was having a boy, a bunch of us tried to talk her out of circumcising him, and that turned very ugly, very fast.  Her decision is not an informed one, but quite obviously made because she's midwestern and that's what they do there. (Really, some midwestern states still cut 80% or more of babies, whereas here in the south, those rates are more like 50%, and on the west coast, it's about 20%.) Obviously, that's not a good reason to cut a baby.  If you're going to do that, you need to have a really justified reason for it, and "because that's how we've always done it" is not adequate justification to perform a cosmetic procedure on a newborn.  Unfortunately, when some intactivist friends of mine got ahold of this girl, they tore her to bits for thinking it was ok to circumcise, and she got even more entrenched in her baby cutting ways.

That brings me to an important point.  It is important to talk to new parents and try to make sure they know the importance of keeping their baby intact.  The thing is, though, there is a right and wrong way to do this.  I find that people receive this information a lot better if I keep it level headed and factual, and focus on how unnecessary it is, rather than how cruel it is.  It is cruel, don't get me wrong, but that's not what someone wants to hear when they're planning on doing it to their kid, especially when they already did it to one.  The fact is, circumcision is unnecessary.  It prevents none of the problems people say it prevents.  If it did, those problems would be rampant in Europe, where nobody circumcises, and they're not.  It serves no medical benefit.  Our profit driven medical system promotes it merely for the money.  There is ample evidence that it is totally unnecessary, and that's the stuff to focus on when trying to sway a parent who is inclined to cut.  Yes, the procedure is cruel, and the anesthetic they use (when they do, which is only a minority of cases) is not sufficient to dull the pain, and yes, babies can feel pain.  It's wrong on every level, but it's important to keep that visceral reaction of disgust out of the picture when talking with people who were planning on doing it.

So, anyway, Baby Cutter Betty (as we've come to call her, not to her face, of course) happened to move here, and shock of all shocks, she hired this girl I know, we'll call her Persephone, as her doula.  I got the perfect opportunity today to try one last time to save that baby from the knife.  Persephone went to an appointment with Betty, who is now 38 weeks pregnant, today.  She was saying how it was so sad that Betty is so not empowered, that the doctors make her feel powerless and small, when that shouldn't be the case.  She also said that Betty had asked if she could be with her baby during his circumcision, and the doctor was not favorable about it.  Afterwards, Persephone told Betty, "What you should say is, 'I will be with my baby during his circumcision.' and if they've got a problem with it, they can show you the reg that says you can't."  So basically, by now, the lightbulb is going off in my head like a million times.  I was like, "OMG Persephone, have you talked to her about keeping her baby whole? I know some doulas do, and honestly, Betty is SO uninformed about basically everything, even though she is really defensive and claims to have done her research, I don't buy it for a minute.  This girl cuts babies out of cultural tradition, for no good reason.  Can't you talk to her about it?"

Persephone said that she would.  She said that she's found that it works really well to just ask her why she thinks what she thinks, and for her reasoning on it, then to inform her of the facts, and tell her to go home and research it some more.  That way, Betty has opted out of several very common interventions so far, interventions she was very sold on before.  Obviously, Persephone is onto something, and not only that, but Betty respects her.  I know that Persephone is this baby's last shot to keep the whole healthy body he will be born with, and not undergo unnecessary cosmetic surgery at mere days old.  I am so glad she's going to talk to her about it. 

She did say that she can only lay out the facts, and then she will support her decision either way, because that's really what she finds most important, that moms get support in their choices.  I understand her point there, and for Betty's sake, I'm glad she has that attitude.  Persephone is a great doula, no doubt.  I also think that Betty sort of got more than she bargained for when she lost a lot of friends over her defense of circumcision.  She said to me, "I hope the fact that I circumcise my boys doesn't hurt our friendship." and I assured her it wouldn't, but in truth, I can't even look at her anymore, knowing what she's going to do to that baby when he's born.  It breaks my heart and makes me want to puke.  Maybe you have to have sons to understand this.  Before I had my boys, I was anti-circ, but not really that strong about it.  I knew people who circ'd and people who didn't, and it was really neither here nor there.  Then when I had my boys, the thought of having them strapped to a board, and the most nerve-dense part of their entire body ripped, crushed, and sliced, all with insufficient, if any, anesthesia, became just so disgusting I could not understand how anybody could ever do that to a baby. Persephone only has daughters, so this issue isn't terribly personal to her.  I hope that her objectivity will help get her point across where I failed to.

I do think it was mighty interesting that I learned that Persephone was Betty's doula just this morning, and that Persephone happened to bring that up (not even knowing that I know Betty) this afternoon. I'm just crossing my fingers that Persephone gets through where I couldn't.  No baby deserves to be cut out of ignorance.

Conventions, and stuff like that.

So I watched a few of the speeches from the Democratic National Convention last night.  I also watched some of the speeches from the Republican National Convention when it was going on.  From this, I observe a few things.  This is all totally in random order.

1) The entire mood of the RNC felt very stale, and even a little negative.  The fact that Ron Paul delegates had enough signatures, and enough delegates, from enough states, to nominate him, and the GOP leadership changed the rules on the spot, to require more states, shows that they're not even trying to hide how corrupt they are.  The entire convention, right down to the speeches, seemed to convey the message, "We're rich. We're white.  We do what we want.  Fuck you."

2) Ann Romney's speech may be the worst 20 minutes I have ever suffered through. Literally, birthing a 10 pound baby with shoulder dystocia, completely unmedicated, in my bed at home, was more tolerable than Ann Romney's speech.  I watched it twice, and read the transcript.  I was looking for anything of substance, and I found nothing.  Now, realistically, I understand that a potential First Lady is not really required to have excellent public speaking skills.  I get that when you marry someone, you have no idea that one day, they're going to run for president, and you will have to stand at a podium and address the world.  For that, I forgive Ann Romney's absolutely awful stage presence.  What I can't overlook is the fact that she just plain seems mean.  That brings me to my next point.

3) Michelle Obama said in her speech last night, that when making the really hard decisions, despite all the advisers and all the data you get to help you, in the end, it comes down to who you are, and your moral compass.  This is why it's important to elect people who genuinely get what it's like for most people who live in this country.  They are equipped to make decisions that best represent what the people would actually want, or what they actually need.  Romney, who thinks people who need money should just borrow it from their parents (because their parents have money?) doesn't get it.  It's like Julian Castro said in his speech last night, it's not necessarily that Mitt Romney is a bad guy.  He just plain doesn't get it. That's really what this comes down to.  It is important to elect someone who gets it.  So basically, vote anyone but Romney.

4) I'm placing this bet right now because anyone willing to bet against me will owe me money.  Julian Castro will be the Democrat presidential nominee in 2016.  There is a lot there that reminds me of Barack Obama a few years ago.  He's young and successful in his elected office (Mayor of San Antonio).  He's very real, from a working class family. He gave the key note address at the DNC (oh, hi, America, meet this guy the party leadership thinks is outstanding!)  Oh, and here's another major thing.  I think next election, one party, or maybe both, will try to get a Hispanic candidate nominated, just because they'll be assured a huge share of the Hispanic vote, which has been a really big thing in recent years. The Republicans don't have many, but I think we need to keep an eye on this Julian Castro from the Democrat side of the house, and also his identical twin brother, Joaquin, also a Democrat, who is running for congress.  These Castro twins are very interesting, and I don't think we've seen the last of them.

5) People are hateful.  After Michelle Obama's speech, the internet was buzzing about it, as always.  I have a diverse group of friends (hence the joke, "Ah, Facebook... Where my Army buddies and my hippie friends come to duke it out.") and the ones who are more liberal, or even centrist, were saying how awesome her speech was.  I mean, even if you don't agree with a thing her husband has done in office, you've got to give Michelle credit.  She's an amazing public speaker. Then there were the neo-cons.  They couldn't say enough about how she's stupid, and "unemployed, living off our tax dollars" (Um, her husband is president.  You really think she's going to work at some law firm AND do all the first lady stuff?  Gee, did Nancy Regan? Laura Bush? Barbara Bush?  No? Well, then what's the difference?), and how her husband has time to read all these letters from people, but signs the letters to families of fallen soldiers with autopen.  Um, I'm not sure how much truth there is to that last part, but if that's what you got out of Michelle's speech, then I feel sorry for you, and that's what the neo-cons got out of it.  As for the anarchists, they had no comment. Shocker.

6) Looking at the crowd at the RNC vs the crowd at the DNC, I think it's very obvious who represents whom.  The RNC was a bunch of white people, mostly old, some kids who texted through the whole thing, and oh, Clint Eastwood talking to a fucking chair.  That was special.  There was no focus on actual issues, or anything particularly relevant to the majority of the nation.  The energy was so dead.  I honestly wonder if most of those people even believe their own line of crap.  The DNC was different.  It felt more honest, more real, and oh yeah, the crowd actually looked like our country.  It wasn't a bunch of old rich white guys.  It was people of every race, every age, every orientation.  There were Texans in hats and boots, VFW members in their garrison caps, union members with their local numbers on their shirts, lesbians with rainbow flags, and everything in between.  Everyone was excited to be there, and the energy was electric.   It is so odd that anyone, who looks like the DNC crowd, would vote with the RNC crowd.  It makes no sense to me.


In summation, I really liked watching both conventions this year.  It gave me a very clear view of what I had suspected all along.  I am glad that I took the time to do that. FYI, for anyone who, like myself, does not have a TV, or even just missed some of the speeches, all the speeches are available on YouTube in their entirety.

It's that time of year again.

Today, registration opened for the Sears Heroes At Home gift cards.  Now, every customer of Sears will be asked to donate money at the register throughout the holiday season, and those donations will be pooled, and distributed equally between the 20,000 Active Duty servicemembers (or really, their wives using their information to sign up, in most cases) who were quick enough at getting the application through the totally bogged down server for the entire couple minutes it stays open.

As you can probably tell, I'm not a huge fan of this.  I'm not saying there don't exist military families who need money.  There do.  I have a friend right now who just left her husband, who is Active Duty, for extremely justified reasons, and needs this sort of thing.  I hope she gets it.  Hell, I hope everyone who is in a difficult situation, not brought on by their own stupidity, gets it.  Even so, I find the mad dash for money absolutely disgusting.  You would not believe the way people are flipping out about this thing if they can't get their application in, or if they are denied, or if the gift cards aren't as much as they were expecting.  For every person who's actually thankful for it and actually needed it, there are about a hundred of the other kind.

More than any of that, though, I see a couple significant flaws with this program.  First of all, they're soliciting donations, mostly from civilians, to go into this thing.  The average civilian household income in 2011 was $48,000.  The average military household income, when factoring in cash value of benefits, was close to $100,000.  Granted, the pay chart doesn't show that, but outside of base pay, there is housing allowance, food allowance, free medical, and ten thousand safety nets straight out of any socialist country's playbook. (Yeah, I went there.) That stuff isn't free, and while about 1/2 of that "income" never hits the soldier's bank account, it's received in other ways, ways that people on the outside don't have.  That $48,000 that the average household pulled in?  Yeah, that's all they get. So basically, what we have here is people donating money to a class of society that is far better off than they probably are.  It's kind of like the tax code, except that people mostly don't even realize what's going on.

The other thing I see as incredibly flawed about this program is that National Guard and Reserve families are excluded.  All that stuff Active Duty families have, Guard and Reserve families do not.  When we fell on hard times, do you think the Army Reserve could do much to help us?  No, they couldn't.  We pretty much lost everything, and they didn't have to care about any of that as long as Thak turns up to drill on the first weekend of every month, and does his instructor workshop in the summer.  It's not that they're wrong for that.  I mean, it's really not their lane to worry about their soldiers' day to day lives outside the unit. The fact is, though, there are thousands of Guard and Reserve families who are struggling hard in the civilian economy, unable to go Active Duty and get the benefits of full time status, and still subject to deployment, Army regulation, and all the other stuff that comes with wearing a uniform, however infrequently.  I know Reserve families who have been homeless for part of this year.  I know countless ones who have lost their homes when their civilian jobs had downsizing.  Yet, things like this support only Active Duty, who are actually guaranteed a steady income, which is actually higher than that of most Americans.

So you still want to support the troops, and you're not sure how since the Heroes at Home thing is a crock?  Here are a few ideas for you:

-Talk to a local National Guard unit about donating toys or food for their unit Christmas party, or even giving some gift cards for the commander or chaplain to pass out to needy families for Christmas.  I specifically mentioned Guard here because these are the people who help you when there's a natural disaster or something, so if you really want to give back to someone who has done a lot for you, the National Guard should be your first priority.

-A Reserve unit would also be a great place to do the things I already mentioned above. Reserve soldiers do basically the same thing as National Guard soldiers except that they're not at the Governor's discretion, so they aren't the ones being called up for local things.  They still deploy and do homeland security missions, and that sort of thing, though, like Active Duty troops.

-Get with a program like Soldiers' Angels and send a care package to a single soldier who will be deployed for the holidays. 

-Donate to Fisher House.  This is invaluable.  Fisher House residences allow families of wounded soldiers to stay with them while they're receiving treatment at military hospitals.  I know that if Thak got hurt overseas, I'd do anything in the world to be with him, as would any wife for her husband, but having a Fisher House to stay at really makes a difference financially and logistically. I know how much of a difference Fisher House has made for so many of my friends over the years.

There are infinite ways to support our troops and veterans for the holidays.  I think I speak for most Americans when I say it's important to donate our hard earned dollars (or our even more precious time and effort) where it will truly be appreciated and make the most difference.  Hopefully, I have given a few good ideas as a jumping off point for wiser holiday giving.

The Warring Generation

It seems like ours is the warring generation.  Not terribly long after we were legally allowed to call ourselves adults, we ended up with an actual war, and then the old bastards who ignored the intelligence that lead us to be attacked on 9/11/01, resulting in that war, picked us another fight not even two years later, and without the first fight done yet. 

Some of us are old enough to run for public office now, and a few have even been elected, but these wars are still going on, mostly because the same old bastards who sent us there in the first place can't seem to find it within themselves to admit defeat, call it good, and let the dying stop.  Some of them would even like to pick us more fights.  Apparently, it wasn't enough to spend our 20's and 30's dealing with some old guys' war. We also need to hand this thing down to our kids.  I have a kid just nine years from military age (eight with my signature, which I'd give her if she asked).  If we let these people give us another war, judging by how these things have gone recently, our kids, most of whom who weren't even born when all this began, will be fighting it. 

Think about how weird that must be for them, to have never lived in a world that was at peace, to have never watched the news and not seen reports of US troops dying.  Boy, we 80's kids sure had it good.  I remember Desert Storm.  I was in third grade, and a guy in my class had a brother in the Navy.  We sent him care packages and letters, and he came to see us when he got home a few months later.  He didn't have to go back to the Persian Gulf ever again after he came home.  By and large, Desert Storm was a blip on the radar screen of the American public, and it was over as quickly as it began. As a kid growing up in the US, with the exception of Desert Storm, I never had to think about war.  War was that thing that happened when my parents were in college, that thing that people yelled about in the streets, and that the big black wall I saw on my 4th grade field trip to Washington DC was in commemoration of.  War was not a part of my life until I was a Private in the Army, and the 9/11 attacks happened. 

Our kids don't have that luxury.  Erin, at the age of 9, knows what it's like for her dad to go into a combat zone for 12-15 months at a time, and to do it over and over again, with absolutely no end in sight.  She knows that some kids' daddies don't make it home, and that there are bad guys who would like nothing more than to see her daddy, and all the others, dead. (Thanks, kid in Erin's class for telling her that during Thak's third tour. There's one downside to DoD schools for you.) She knows what it's like for every bad thing on the news to directly affect our family, and for the longest time, thought that every time the president gave a speech, it meant her dad would be getting orders to leave again.  She knows what the casualty notification car looks like, and what Taps means, and why MRAPS are sloped on the bottom (to deflect shrapnel, because the bad guys like to plant bombs in the dirt). This is stuff that kids should never know, but it's stuff that our kids inevitably do know, because they have never known a world without war.

We have to do something about this.  Really, is this what a privileged upbringing in peacetime gives?  People who vote overwhelmingly conservative, because they had it so good that they don't think they have to help anybody, and who grew up in peace, so they take wars lightly?  Is this what we have come to?  That's crazy.  We can't do this.  Our country is falling apart, and honestly, it's getting to the point where we can't just blame the old guys anymore.  They're dying off, retiring, moving on.  More and more, the responsibility is shifting to our own, and people, most of us are really blowing it.

Now, in addition to the wars we have off shore, we have wars with each other.  Most of my Army buddies are Republican.  Most of my Army buddies are also male. When I talk about how detrimental the GOP platform on healthcare and women's issues really is to every American woman, I can see that they do not care.  To them, the GOP is who gave them better pay raises as soldiers, and who they trust to give them better benefits from the VA now.  Understandably, they trust them to take care of our brothers and sisters who are still fighting, and us who are done fighting.

Unfortunately, that's pitting them, and those like them, against the interests of like half the population, which is playing right into the GOP's hands.  The problem is that any perceived benefit that the GOP gives to veterans (which really isn't greater than what the Democrats give us) is handily outweighed by the fact that their policies on women's issues could literally kill people, our very own American people, and that it would be totally preventable, but illegal to prevent.  That's scary.  These people have proposed policies that could literally cause my death, or that of any other woman, under certain circumstances.  While I once wrote the metaphorical check to the US for any amount, up to and including my life, and regret nothing about that, I refuse to die of something stupid (like an ectopic pregnancy) because some asshole Republican said that a fertilized egg deserves more rights to life than me, a full fledged citizen of the nation. I cannot be the only one who sees the ridiculousness of that line of thought.  The war on women is very real, and if these Republicans have their way about it, there will be casualties, and not just in the way of rights.

Add to that, there is a major struggle going on between classes.  The GOP has become basically the strong arm of the richest people in our nation.  The Democrats and the smaller parties more closely represent the interests of us common folks who don't have millions of dollars to our names. The problem is that not everyone sees that.  Some people are lured by the GOP's values platform, or supposed support of the military, and really, by voting that way, they've signed themselves up to be pawns of the rich, just as much as everybody who enlisted after the invasion of Iraq.  Class warfare is real, and just like the insurgent warfare we all know so well, there is no front line and no rear echelon.  We're all in it just as much as the next guy.

You know, I remember this one cadence we used to sing in Airborne School at Ft. Benning, as we'd run to our training areas each day.  It started out "One, two, three, four, hey. Somebody, anybody start a war, hey." I thought it was a catchy tune.  We all did.  Most of us thought it sounded cool to go to war.  We thought it would be noble, valorous, and exciting.  Now, a decade later, all of us, whether we went to those wars or not, know that literal wars are anything but exciting, and that while some of the people involved may be noble or valorous, the situation itself couldn't be farther from it.  The problem is that too many of these same people don't recognize that our wars, and any causes that people may believe are associated with them, are not more justified by waging more wars, and that the wars on our own soil are just as important and just as costly as the ones overseas. 

It also bears mentioning that the people who have consciously avoided the literal wars that our country has waged have every bit of responsibility to get in on the right side of these cultural wars here at home.  Even though you may not be female, even though you may be somewhat well off, you can surely see how wrong it is for the elite to simply wield power over facets of people's lives where they don't belong, and to act on the belief that corporations are people, and to do all the other heinous things they would love to do.  Surely, any rational person can see how harmful this can be to society at large, and to a majority of individuals.

I hope that our generation will find peace.  I hope that one day, we'll move past this chapter in our history, and that for once, we'll learn from it.  For now, to move us closer to that point, it is everybody's responsibility to see our current political situation for what it is, and to think not only of yourself, but of what kind of world you want your children to remember growing up in.  They have seen too much war already.  Can't we bring the peace now?

My 9-year-old has a cell phone.

I never thought I'd say those words.  I honestly thought she would be of whatever age she might be when she could get a job and pay for the thing, before she had a phone.  Then she got accepted to the school she's going to this year, and it's in a different state.  We want her to be able to call anytime she wants, without having to borrow a phone, wait until she gets home, or anything like that.  It just made sense, under the circumstances, that she have a phone.

I know for a fact that a lot of my friends who know about this think it's absolutely ridiculous.  Responses have included, "Oh hell no!" and "You did NOT!".  Some don't think it's bad at all.  My thing is, every circumstance is different.  Your 9-year-old may not need a phone.  Actually, chances are, they don't.  I totally understand why most people don't get kids this age phones.  I never thought I would either.  Then it was decided that Erin would be going to school out of state this year, and everything changed. 

It's also not the extravagant thing it may seem like.  We gave her my old flip phone, which is in great condition, and an adorable shade of purple, and put it as an extra line on our existing plan, for $9.99 a month.  She doesn't have a data plan. She doesn't have an iPhone.  She just has the ability to call whenever she wants, and she really likes her phone.

I'll admit, I like the idea of her having it.  That way, when she comes home, if Thak isn't around, like after he deploys, I won't have to go around looking for her to come in for dinner, or because we want to go somewhere.  This could make my life easier, too, in the long run.  

Here's proof that doing great things takes many paths.

I've always thought of those who end up in high profile positions, with the really cool jobs, as sort of nerd royalty.  In most cases, they are.  These are the guys who didn't have to work in high school, and who actually chose to focus on school, and taking high level classes, and doing relevant extracurriculars. (So basically, I'm in no way denying that nerd royalty hasn't worked hard for it.  They do work hard, from a young age.)  They're the ones who could confidently apply to places like MIT or Cal Tech, and know that they'd be able to afford to go even if they didn't get a full scholarship, and that they wouldn't have to work two jobs just to put a roof over their heads while they were there.  They graduate when they're 22 years old, and move seamlessly to grad school, and through a delicate combination of hard work, ingenuity, money, and internships, they find their way to NASA.

In today's science and engineering community, money is a huge driving factor.  It always has been, but today, with the cost of tuition increasing 500% in the past couple decades (a disproportionate increase compared to cost of living in general, and especially compared to income), it is more of a driving factor than it's ever been.  The ones who get to the places all of us dream about, are the ones who have money to throw at it.  That's something most of us have accepted.  It also seems that there is a certain archetype, and it's the ones who are able to do it the conventional way, who really get where they're going.

Today, I read something that really made me happy.  One of the guys on the Curiosity team, the one who was in charge of the actual landing of the rover on the surface of Mars, is a rather non-traditional fellow.  You might have noticed Adam Steltzner on the footage of the mission control room, as the one with the cool Elvis-like hair.  I know I thought that was pretty awesome anyway!  Well, the part that's even more awesome is the fact that this guy is not even close to the archetype of nerd royalty that most of us have come to accept.  He actually dropped out of high school once upon a time (because he didn't do well in high school, nor enjoy it), and traveled around playing in a rock band.  He became interested in the stars after noticing how different they looked at different times, and enrolled at a community college, then went from there.  Who could have ever guessed he'd end up landing a rover on the surface of Mars? 

Let me tell you why this gives me hope.  I am not the nerd royalty archetype.  I struggled financially in college, and joined the Army.  Then I went back to school, and ended up leaving again with two semesters left, in order to save my marriage.  Now I am going back, and I feel like I'm on the brink of something very important. Even so, the nagging thing in the back of my mind is always reminding me of the people I went to school with before, who had the luxury of doing things the way you're really supposed to do them, and are already working in awesome firms, doing amazing things, moving up.  Am I destined to always be just a low level engineer, who never moves much past the point of designing drainage ditches and parking lots? (Not that there's anything wrong with that work, and I'll more than gladly do it. I just hope to do other things as well.)  I had some wonderful opportunities years ago, and walked away, because it was that or my marriage.  I just hope that my ship hasn't sailed, that I'm not stuck with what I have, because I didn't push through, and get where I was going, even though I'd have gotten there alone.  Seeing that someone else did it in a non-traditional way, and he's not locked into a life of low level work (anything but!) is very nice.

I am not, and will not be, in aerospace engineering.  It is not my calling, and it never was.  I enjoy this stuff, though, from a spectator's (er... physics junkie's) point of view, and having some ties to that community, I'm very proud of these guys.  My equivalent would be to get on with a good firm or the Army Corps of Engineers, and live out my days designing wonderful things that will outlive me by a long shot, even if they are the kind of things that most people don't even notice when they see them.  If a former high school dropout can land a rover on Mars, I can get where I'm going, too.

Just when I thought Romney couldn't get stupider, he did.

Unless you live under a rock, you know by now that Mitt Romney has tagged Paul Ryan as his running mate.  In the unlikely event that you do live under a rock, please consider taking me on as a roommate.  I'm sick of the crap out here, and would relish the opportunity to get away from it all for a while.  Anyway, the addition of this, um, interesting person, to his ticket, a lot of things have become more apparent.

First of all, people are crazy.  I know several people who actually like this.  How on earth can anybody like someone with Paul Ryan's voting record?  He's even worse than Mitt Romney, which I thought was pretty close to impossible.  He actually supported a bill to make the Patriot Act permanent, supports a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage, would relish the opportunity to eliminate Medicare, and make drastic cuts to Social Security and unemployment, and given the opportunity, would overturn Roe vs Wade, and ban certain types of contraception.  Oh, and he's a Packers fan (You know I couldn't let that slide). Add all that to Romney's assertion that "corporations are people, too", and his general hypocrisy and shady nature, and you've got pretty much the biggest recipe for disaster in the history of our nation.  At this point, the only thing that could make this ticket any less desirable is if they had plans to appoint actual brain eating zombies to the Supreme Court. 

There is one thing that totally kills me about all this.  Every person I know who supports the Romney/Ryan presidential ticket, is low income. They have no idea that these people do not work for them.  They're going to screw them so hard.  You can barely pay your bills even though you're working as many hours as humanly possible?  You can't afford insurance for yourself and your wife, and your kid is on Medicaid?  If you have to call in sick, you won't have enough money to pay your bills this month?  Guess what, friend.  Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan don't give a shit.  You and people like you, are nothing to them.  They will help their buddies in corporations, push their religious agenda, and cut every program that has ever been of benefit to you.  You want to see your cost of living go through the roof and times get even harder? Elect these guys.

Only in America do people line up to vote for their own downfall, and do it with a smile.  There is some serious class warfare going on, and most of the people who are the worst off for it don't even know, or won't acknowledge it for what it is.  People like Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan represent the richest 1% of the nation, and that's really about it.  They will do for the rich, make them richer, and as a consequence, the poor will become poorer.  Look at how much the middle class has eroded.  Many families have seen a drastic decrease in their standard of living as the economy has fallen.  My family has, and we are not considered low income.  We don't even qualify for reduced price school lunch.  Even so, we have fallen pretty far.  Imagine what it's like for the people who started out where we are now.  Where do they fall to?  They fall straight out of the middle class, that's where.  My friends, that's called class warfare.  These rich guys are doing for other rich guys, with our tax dollars no less, and the rest of us are left out in the cold.  The poorer you started out, the more you suffer.

Before you vote, honestly think about what the person you are voting for represents.  I don't mean values.  Values voting is probably the worst thing going.  Who honestly cares if this person is pro-life?  If you don't agree with abortions, don't get one.  Same-sex marriage the is the same idea.  If you don't want to marry someone of the same sex, then don't.  Why on earth would you vote for someone who will totally screw up your daily life, or at least not improve it at all, just because they share your stance on values type of issues, which, by the way, have absolutely no impact on your daily life.  Really, what is it going to affect in your day to day existence if people get abortions and gays get married?  Oh yeah, that's right. Nothing.  Now, what will it affect if some jerk who will do away with every program that ever was of any benefit to you is elected?  Well, that could deal quite a blow to your daily life. But hey, they're pro-life and hate the gays!  It's all good, right? 

I would say one good thing comes of this.  Romney did not make a move toward the center with his choice of running mate.  He will not pick up many swing voters with this guy.  I think, if anything, he has insured Obama's second term.  Our nation loves two term presidents anyway.  In my lifetime, there's only been one who wasn't.  Even though it is pretty much a given that these guys don't stand a chance, please, don't feed these trolls your vote.

When there is no cause, it is simpler.

Thak did three tours in Iraq.  What a lot of people wouldn't guess, given that, is that we never, for one single day, believed that war should have happened.  It was wrong the day he convoyed over the border from Kuwait as part of the invasion.  It was wrong when they sent him to the Syrian border to do something that ultimately made the news.  It was wrong when they sent him as part of a massive surge of troops, to reclaim Baghdad.  That war was wrong from beginning to end, illegal even, and we always knew it.  Every day we lived with the reality of fighting that war, it was conflicting and difficult, because on one hand, he was there, or training to go there, and we had to live with that reality every day of our lives for about five years.  It is hard to live a life where one big part of it is being a part of something you know is wrong.

After all that, we wanted nothing to do with deployments ever again, but that's not what the economy had for us.  Pretty much the only thing Thak can do that brings in enough money for us to live on, is work for a defense contracting firm in a job that deploys. Luckily, it's in a field he enjoys very much, and he actually likes his job, minus the fact that he has to deploy.  He's going to Afghanistan next year with an Army unit that he works with as a contractor.

Oddly, this sits way better with both of us than any of his previous deployments did.  It all comes down to one thing, really.  There is no cause this time.  The only reason he's doing this is for money.  Sure, giving up 9 months of our life for money sounds like a ridiculous thing to do, but there's really nothing else that's going to give us the boost this will give us, and we need it, so it's the right answer this time.  The only cause for us this time, is us.  It's selfish, and completely egocentric, and a hell of a lot easier to live with than George Dubya's war ever was.

Funny how that works.

Daycare! AAAHHH!!

After getting back into some of my old subject matter, and seeing that I've still got what it takes to do this stuff, thus being reasonably sure of not falling flat on my face when I go back to school, there is only one thing left that gives me that horrible ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach.  The boys will have to go to daycare.  I'm not worried about Orren, really.  He'll be 4 years old by then, and a kid that age should be doing some form of preschool type of thing.  It's perfect timing for him.  The thought of sending Chai to daycare is not sitting very well at all, though.  He'll only be 2.  I know he will be fine.  He's a sweet and outgoing little guy, and he'll love his new friends, and his teachers, and all the fun toys and new activities he gets to do.  It's only me who has a problem with this.  I'm glad I have a while to get past it before I actually have to drop him off and walk away for the first time.  Ugh... I can't even think about it.

Anyway, I asked on a local group for recommendations for daycares and babysitters in Statesboro.  I was clear that price is no concern.  I want the best.  The on campus daycare at Georgia Southern was recommended highest, and one other center, plus a couple of churches were also recommended (all this by a girl who graduated from Georgia Southern with a degree in child development, and worked at the GSU campus daycare after she graduated).

GSU would obviously be my first choice.  It would ease my mind quite a bit to have the boys right there on campus with me so that I could get to them super fast if they needed me for any reason.  One of the hardest things about Erin being in daycare when I was in school before was that if she needed me, I was an hour away, and that's if I made every light and didn't get stuck in traffic.  More realistically, it would take me an hour and a half to get to her.  I cannot imagine doing that again.  On campus daycare? Yes please.  Knowing it's the best in town?  Done.  That's where they're going.

They do have a waiting list, so I have to find out how long it is so I can know when to get on it.  I will probably call them next week to set up a time to come visit, ask a billion ridiculous questions, and maybe go ahead and get on the list if now's the time to do that.  I really hope that this works out for us.  I have a good feeling about it.  I still can't stand the thought of leaving my Chai Guy, but luckily, I have time to get used to that idea.

I've still got it!

I did calculus today, for the first time in a couple years.  It was just easy stuff, of course.  I'm going through my favorite calculus book in order, page by page, and doing every problem in the whole thing, because that is what needs to happen in order for me to truly make up for lost time.  I'm a firm believer in the fact that nobody anywhere in the sciences or engineering can afford to be weak in any concept in calculus.  It is the language of physics, and physics is the backbone of engineering.

I have always loved calculus.  Of course, it helps that I had a truly amazing professor to help me along as I was first learning it.  I found, as I learned calculus, the world looked different to me.  It was just like when I learned any of my favorite topics in physics, like classical mechanics or optics, or even my least favorite topic of all, circuits.  The world looks brighter when you see it through the eyes of higher order mathematics, like there's this whole undercurrent that most people don't see, but you do, the duct tape and strings that hold the whole works together. I hadn't realized just how much I had ceased to see the world that way in the time I spent away from it, but today, after doing this work, I feel like my eyes are open again.

Something as simple as driving a car is mighty fun to think about when you can envision the functions for velocity, acceleration, and more.  Watching a pot boil is not boring when you picture the thermodynamic equation going on where it sits on the burner.  The world is an amazing place when you are able to see it by the numbers, and calculus really is the ticket. 

Anyway, having not done calculus in a couple years, and not significant amounts of it even then, it was with great trepidation that I opened my favorite text this morning.  I went to my favorite professor's website, watched a bunch of the animations, read through his lecture notes, and it all came back as if I'd never left.  I breezed through 60 problems, getting only one of them wrong, and that one, only by a stupid mistake that I knew better than to make anyway.  Obviously, I don't expect that instantaneous success with higher order stuff, as the stuff I did today was all single variable, but I'll take today's success for what it's worth.

I'm happy and grateful to be able to report that after several years' hiatus, I can still do calculus!

Because no road is totally smooth

Yesterday, I went to call the one online school that was offering a class that I need.  Yeah, right.  Somehow, this school has been in business for quite some time, yet have the most user-unfriendly way of doing things I have ever seen.  It took me clicking around their website for 10 minutes just to find a phone number to call.  There was no online application process.  I finally call the only number I found, and ran around in circles on the automated menu for 20 minutes, without ever getting to a real person, or any department that had anything to do with anything I needed to do.  I couldn't even find out how much it was going to cost, because apparently the classes cost different amounts for everybody (WTF), and when I clicked to get a cost estimate, the link was broken.  Needless to say, I will not be taking ANY classes from that school.

Instead, I emailed admissions at Georgia Southern, explained the situation, and asked them what my best course of action would be.  I'm hoping to hear back today.  If I don't, I'll email someone else within admissions the same thing, and just keep doing that until someone answers. 

Basically, here's what I'm afraid of.  My credits will be several years old by the time I am able to get back on campus, and although they are from a school with a reciprocity agreement with Georgia Southern, especially with respect to the engineering programs, I'm afraid that they won't accept them if they're over a certain number of years old.  That would be bad.  I spent a lot of time and effort in earning those credits, and I don't want them to go to waste.  The thought of taking all those classes over again kind of freaked me out a little bit.  I did find out that they do an entrance exam for people who have been out of school a super long time (not sure if my situation falls under that or not) to see where they are skills-wise, so basically, worst case scenario, I'll have to take that exam, and get placed.  Lucky for me, I'm a huge textbook hoarder, and I have enough time to independently study the things I will need to really ace on the exam, mostly Calculus, Chemistry, and Physics.  Luckily, that's stuff I enjoy, and am pretty good at, so with luck, if I do have to take the entrance exam, any courses I have to retake, will just be engineering classes, which won't be too deathly boring to retake.

It also sort of freaked me out that I'll be 31 years old when I go back, 32 when I finish.  Have you ever taken night classes at a community college before?  I think most of us have done that at one point or another.  If you have, then you have seen the people who are in their 30's and 40's, basically on an academic treadmill, because they're pretty sure that if they go to college, and get their degree, they'll have a better job, but they've been kicking around the community college for years, not getting anywhere.  That is the thought that popped into my mind when it occurred to me how old I'd be when I actually get done.  Holy crap.  I do not want to be those people. 

Of course, later, I thought of this one Desert Storm vet I knew who was going through school at the same time as I was, and she wasn't like those people at all.  Sure, she was older than the rest of us (come to think of it, she had to be in her early 30's at the time), but we all still thought she was cool.  She also took a normal amount of time to finish classes, graduated, and moved on with her life.  It didn't seem pathetic, or even abnormal.  As long as I resemble that more than the 40-year-olds sitting outside and talking about how this is definitely their year to finally pass College Algebra, then I can be ok with that.

As I was going to sleep last night, sort of freaking out about all of this still, I was reminded of something that made me smile.  My favorite professor's favorite quote, which he put on everything of his, was, "Not all those who wander are lost." (That's a quote from J.R.R. Tolkien.) It occurred to me that maybe I'm really not lost, as it may seem. 

Today, I do calculus.

Oh, hi! Another crossroads!

I've felt stagnant and aimless for a while.  I've been feeling like I need to get back out into the world, but not quite sure how to accomplish that, or what direction to go.  I have a lot of unfinished business with engineering.  I mainly left because I honestly felt like it was that or my marriage.  Not a lot of people understand that, but they also didn't live in my house for the years that I was in school, and working so hard for this thing, and being totally not supported in it at all.

It's hard to go through school for engineering.  It's harder to do it when you have a kid to consider.  It's even harder when you also have a husband who, best case scenario, is deployed, and worst case scenario, is making a ton of work for you at home, not helping at all, and stressing you out by being jealous and insecure about everything you're doing and all the people you're around on a daily basis.  Toward the end, my grades began to slip, and I just had to walk away before I lost my chances at ever being an engineer, and my marriage in the process.  It was not an easy decision, and in retrospect, it probably could have been handled a lot better than it was, but what's done is done.  I walked away, focused on my marriage, had more babies, and was pretty much happy with that choice most days.

Then it hit me about the time Thak got out of the Army.  I am kind of screwed. If he had stayed in the Army, it would be different.  We'd have the means to live decently well as a single income family.  I'd be taken care of for the rest of my life, no matter if I outlive him.  On the outside, that doesn't exist, though.  Looking at how we live, and knowing that we're actually better off than the majority of single income families these days, and seeing how paltry his life insurance policy is (it would sustain us for maybe two years), and knowing that in his retirement plan, there's really nothing for me, it seemed pretty scary.  Add that to the feelings I'd been having of being aimless and stagnant.  I was pretty restless.

There have also been a few strong signs lately that have shown me that I need to start moving in some direction.  A couple weeks ago, I learned of the death of a favorite professor of mine.  In the days that followed, I really got to thinking of all the advice he had ever given me, and all the things he had ever taught me. It lead me to one conclusion.  Potential is worth nothing if it isn't realized.  A boulder at the top of a hill is full to bursting with potential energy, but until some outside force acts upon it, and makes it roll down the hill, releasing all that potential energy, kinetically, that potential energy might as well not be there at all.  It is the initiative, the force, that releases the energy, and makes it accomplish something.

It wasn't long after that, that I got a cookie fortune that said, "It is not too late to change course."  I know, I know.  Nobody in their right mind takes advice from a fortune cookie.  What with the timing, I found it rather apt, and I didn't overlook it.

Then last night, the Curiosity rover landed on Mars.  Thak and I watched the footage of Mission Control live online.  I was so proud that some of the engineers who had worked on the rover were from Georgia Tech, and that one of our professors was there in Mission Control as part of the team.  It was so amazing to see, and at the same time, so bittersweet.  No, I was never in aerospace engineering, but seeing a great accomplishment of engineers, even if they are on a different side of the house than I ever was, has a way of bringing clarity to a situation.

Amazingly, this wasn't lost on Thak, and we talked about all of this.  I told him everything about why I walked away before.  He hadn't known why, really, and I explained it all to him, about how hard it had been for me when I was going through before, and why I felt like I was really put in a position of having to choose.  I was surprised that he didn't yell at me, but actually listened!  He seemed to understand.  He really TRIED to understand, which is a first.  I think that's what really needed to change.  We decided that I am going back to school.

Of course, this cannot happen immediately.  Our budget is ridiculously tight, with no room for childcare expenses, we only have one car, and Thak commutes over 20 miles to work. Going to school on campus cannot happen right away.  For now, there are a couple of upper division math classes that I still need, and one is offered online starting in a few weeks.  I'll be calling tomorrow to sign up for it.  Right now, I am pouring over my Calculus texts like a madwoman, and getting prepared to take that class.  When that's done, I'll take a programming class to brush up on my coding skills.  Once I have done that, it'll be time for Thak to deploy.  That will give us more money to work with, and I can find childcare for Orren and Chai, and begin classes on campus at Georgia Southern, hopefully that summer.  I have reviewed their civil engineering curriculum, and by the time he comes home, I should have one semester to go. With luck, I will take my Professional Engineer's exam in 2014, and then hopefully find a job.

I feel good about this.  It's not going to be easy, but nothing is these days.  It's going to be worth it to get back out there, and this time, on good footing, with a united front.  Before, it all felt so futile, like I was fighting every step of the way, and really, I was.  I was commuting over an hour each way to school (now, it'll only be 30 minutes), getting no help or support at home, and constantly felt like I was under fire.  Now I don't.  Now, I feel like I can do this deliberately and correctly, and finally move forward the right way.  For the first time in a long time, today I felt like I had a purpose.  I'm very nervous.  I don't want to screw this up.  I honestly think this is the right choice, though, and I cannot wait to have my life back.

Voting: You're doing it wrong. Part 2

The second of our two part series deals, once again, with being honest with oneself about what actually benefits you, and how that might work out for society, but from a different perspective.

Socialism has become a dirty word in the US.  You can't go five minutes without hearing about how Obama is a socialist (obviously, these people do not know what a socialist is if they think he is one), or how the socialists in government are out to get us.  Last I checked, the nearest country that has actual socialists in government is Canada, and they seem to be doing ok. Even so, the fact remains, there are no socialists in our government.

Let's take a look at what countries whose governments have a bit of socialist influence are like.  Lets look at Finland, or really any Nordic nation.  They all follow a similar style of government.  Health care is run by the government.  When people get sick, they can go to the hospital and get cared for.  If they don't have the money to pay out of pocket for a private hospital or doctor, then they will see whomever they're assigned to at the public hospital, and while it may not be perfect, they'll get the care they need.  University tuition is free.  There is also a monthly living stipend for all university students so that they won't go crazy trying to support themselves financially while studying, or go into insane amounts of debt for a degree.  When people fall on hard times, there are social programs that will help them get back on their feet again.  There is not a high percentage of people who just "live on the dole", so to speak, but there are safety nets, and people use them if necessary.  There is mandatory paternity leave, and paid maternity leave.  There is a living wage.  Even the lowest wage earner can support their family and maintain a respectable standard of living.  Then, when you get to a certain age (and no, it's not "when you keel over dead from the stress of your lifetime"), you can retire, and you'll receive a pension that will be enough to support you as you live out your years in generally decent health and well being.

Sounds like a great place, huh?  You know what else?  We have a very similar nation on our own soil, but they don't even know that they are this way.  It's the US military.  Look at it like this.  Any national health system you look at has a lot in common with military healthcare in the US.  We always paid a little bit out of pocket to choose our doctors and go to private hospitals, but if we hadn't had the money for that, we could have walked into the military hospital (equivalent of a public hospital), and gotten the care we needed.  Lots of people do.  No military person or dependent goes without their prescriptions because they can't afford them. They're free.  No military person or dependent has to live in fear of their medical bills.  The most they'd ever pay is $1000 a year, and that's if they elect for private care, and have something really awful and expensive go wrong (like the girl I know who was successfully treated for stage 4 brain cancer at one of the best hospitals in the nation.  Her husband is in the Navy.  Her million dollar surgery cost them $1000.) Most people don't pay anywhere near that much in a year.

But, Anna!  There is no free tuition for military personnel!  Um, yes there is.  Haven't you heard of Army Tuition Assistance Program?  It's free tuition, plain and simple.  That's for when you're Active Duty.  Then there's also the GI Bill for after you get out.  When I was in, we had to pay $100 a month for the first 12 months of our enlistment for that, but now, soldiers don't even have to pay in to draw benefits.  Not only that, but the Post 9/11 GI Bill has taken it one step further, and provided a monthly living stipend in addition to 100% tuition coverage.  How very Nordic of them.

Add to that, the military's million safety nets, the fact that even the lowest Private can provide a 2 BR apartment and 3 meals a day for his family on what he's paid (What's that you say? A living wage?), the fact that every soldier who isn't deployed is given paid paternity leave, that female soldiers get fully paid maternity leave (too short, but still, paid), and that when you've served 20 or more years, you can retire and receive for the rest of your life a sizeable pension and all your benefits, and what you have is a pretty decent American flavored replica of any Scandinavian government you want to name.

The reason I've gone through highlighting all these points is to bring to light the totally nonsensical nature of the fact that the vast majority of military personnel and dependents vote Republican, fear socialists like they would alien invaders, and insist that in Amurrika, we don't do things like that.  Um, unless you put on a uniform, right?  Then you can have all the benefits of being taken care of (and bitching about it nonstop, might I add). Screw everyone else, though.  They didn't earn it like you did.

I offer you this suggestion.  Get outside the gates of post for a little while.  Get to know some locals.  See how they're living.  Look at the people with the half decent jobs who still live in apartments and only have one car, or the ones working two or three jobs just to make ends meet.  Notice how their lifestyles aren't extravagant at all, but they're basically slaves to their jobs because the economy has tanked so far that the cost of living has skyrocketed while there's hardly any such thing as a living wage these days.  Look at how being a single income family is essentially taking a vow of poverty.  If you get to know some civilians really well, ask them about what it cost the last time they went to the doctor, or had to take their kid to the ER.  Ask them what the retirement plans their employer offers are like.  Ask them how much time their husband got to stay home after they had their babies, and if they got paid for it. (We were only able to afford for Thak to take two days off when Chai was born. Some people can't afford that much.)  You'll be shocked. 

I'm not saying I think we should go to a purely socialist society.  I actually think it's an unrealistic thing to expect this country to do, and the level of restructuring that it would require, would be just monumental.  We can't get on the same page enough to do that.  I see how it works on a practical and theoretical level, though, and I see what exists on our own soil.  What I am saying, is that before voting, maybe take a real hard look at what's working in your own life, and vote for more of that stuff to happen.  Hey, if you think Obamacare is the devil, then give up your Tricare.  Vote for an Anarchist (can that even be done?!) who would disband the government and do away with all the safety nets and benefits you have, and would like to deny the rest of the country, because somehow, it's welfare unless it's you on the receiving end.  Barring that, maybe you should vote for people who would perpetuate what's been working in your life.  It would certainly be more honest.

Voting: You're doing it wrong. Part 1

This is the first of a two part series on how people are screwing themselves, and maybe others, over at the ballot box all over the nation.  It just goes along with a major pet peeve of mine.  I can fully accept that people have different priorities, and that a representative government will have people of many points of view, because we're a diverse society. I embrace that about this country.  What I cannot accept is people who blatantly vote wrong.  By wrong, I don't mean voting for someone or something that/who doesn't benefit me.  I mean voting for someone or something that goes totally against their own best interests.

I stumbled upon this today.  Actually, I didn't as much stumble upon it as it was posted by an activist friend, so to her, I say thank you, because the timing was amazing.  I was talking about this with Thak just last night. When I saw this picture, the first thought that popped into my head was of a friend of mine.  He's a good guy, a fellow vet, and considers me a sister, as I consider him a brother.  (I've also had this exact conversation with him, so don't think I'm talking behind his back.)

He's been on the outside longer than we have, and has been working so hard the whole time.  Financially, he has struggled non-stop.  The injuries which ended his Army career aren't severe enough for the VA to pay money for, and experience in a job with no civilian equivalent doesn't help him in the face of stiff competition for well paid jobs.  He hasn't been able to finish his degree, although he's really smart, because he's had to work multiple jobs, and long hours, just to make ends meet.  Currently, he does maintenance and janitorial work.  His wife has to work, too.  They have one child, and thankfully, she's school age now, which cuts down on the daycare costs.  They barely make ends meet, and if something comes up, like an illness that causes one or the other of them to have to call into work for the day, an unexpected car repair, a higher than usual utility bill, it's pretty hard to deal with.  Like most people, they find a way, but it's pretty obvious that it gets difficult sometimes.

He never stops trying to make a better life for his family.  He has been trying to get into law enforcement for some time now, but old injuries and long waits for hiring have gotten in the way.  He's trying again in the near future, and is preparing for it.  Obviously, we are wishing him the very best in that.  It would really improve life a lot for him to get a job with benefits, and better pay, and advancement potential.  Every hardworking person deserves that, and he is a hardworking person.

Now, here's something that may or may not surprise you.  My friend I just told you about votes Republican 100% of the time.  I've made an effort to understand why exactly he does that, and I think I've got a fairly decent handle on it.  First of all, Republicans are very vocal in their support of veterans (although, I must say, as a fellow vet, I do not feel that Democrats and third party candidates hate us by any stretch of the imagination).  Also, for people who hold Christian beliefs, many times Republican candidates will represent some of the values they have.  Of course, there's also the gun issue.  Then there's the thing that Republicans always say about reducing taxes.  Nobody likes to pay taxes.  I always hated looking at my paychecks and seeing how much went out to some nondescript governmental purpose.  Less of that is surely a good thing by most people's standards.

The problem is, that's only part of the picture.  First of all, Republicans do like to cut taxes, but they mostly do that for corporations and the rich.  Are you a corporation?  Are you rich?  No?  Then they're probably not cutting your taxes by any significant degree.  Maybe you'll see $5 more of your pay each month, but even that is doubtful.  I cannot remember ever personally experiencing a tax cut under any president.  Taxes in this country are totally screwed up, and I honestly don't think anyone has the right idea about it 100%, but I can tell you for a fact that a party that supports cutting taxes for corporations, while keeping them the same on the middle class (if that even exists anymore), is not a friend of the average Joe or Jane, even if they do pay a bunch of lip service, a couple times a year, to how much our time in the military meant to the nation when we were young, able, and crazy enough to lace up our boots, throw on our rucks, and volunteer.

What's more, how on earth are you going to be against help in getting health care when you work at a job with no benefits?  This applies to a ton of workers out there.  Most jobs don't have benefits anymore, and if they do, most of the employees can't afford them.  I remember when Thak worked at BMW, and we were going through the benefits book to try to figure out what we wanted to sign up for.  We ended up keeping Tricare through the Reserves for as long as we could afford it because it was less than half the price of the insurance that we could have bought through BMW.  We did buy vision and dental insurance through BMW, but it wasn't like we could afford the copays of actually receiving care anyway, so we may as well have just kept the $40 a month that cost us.  Republicans oppose the Affordable Care Act.  The Affordable Care Act helps people who cannot currently afford to get healthcare.  If you're one of those people, and a ton of people in the US are, then why would you vote Republican?  I get that we're a nation of self made people.  We don't want help.  I understand that.  Are you willing to die for it, though? (Literally. You get no healthcare, you could die.)  Is opposing government paid healthcare your Baghdad International Airport, and do you fancy yourself the SFC Smith of this issue? If not, then maybe you don't want to vote Republican.

The fact is, society has changed.  We were all brought up on this boot strap mentality.  We've all heard the stories of our great-great-great-grandparents who came over on the boat from whatever awful place they came from, with nothing more than the clothes on their backs and their 14 brothers and sisters, and were millionaires by the time they died at a ripe old age.  We've grown up knowing that the American dream is real, that if we work hard, we'll get where we're going. We may never be rich, but we'll own a house, and live comfortably, and take a vacation to St Augustine, or Yellowstone, or South Padre Island, for a week every year.  That's all changed, though.  The only thing that's the same is our mentality and our attitude that people who are struggling somehow did something wrong and should fix it themselves, because it is for damned sure not anyone else's responsibility to do it for them.

I think that's one thing that surprised me most about when Thak got out of the Army and our life pretty much imploded.  We had never considered our lifestyle extravagant.  3 BR house in a safe neighborhood, 3 kids, 3 pets, 2 American made cars in the driveway.  We thought we were mighty thrifty.  Then Thak got out of the Army and it all came crashing down.  We landed in a 2 BR apartment, with 1 car, and all the remnants of our old life shoved into these tiny rooms.  The whole time, I kept thinking, "What have we done?" and "Where did we go wrong?" because we Americans honestly have bought the line that if you don't screw up, things will be ok, and the inverse, if things aren't ok, you screwed up somewhere.  I know I did.  So here I was, wracking my brain, trying to figure out where I screwed up, and totally embarrassed to be struggling because I just knew everyone would talk terribly about us, because obviously, if you're struggling, you're stupid, and nobody likes to be thought of as stupid.

Here's the thing, America.  It's time to put that mentality down.  A lot has changed between the time when that stuff was true, and now.  We are mostly the same, but the framework we have to live in is completely different.  Think about it this way.  When our parents were the age we are now, they all owned houses, were either working in their careers that they'd have forever, or well on their way to that, and not moving around all the time.  Yet, here we are, in our 30's, renting apartments just like what we lived in as freshmen in college, and in some cases, fighting like hell to forge a place for ourselves that will maintain us for the long term.  Why is that?  Obviously, the world has changed.  Our mentality needs to change, too.  First things first, though.  Stop voting for people who are going to completely screw you.  Unless you are a straight, white, rich, single, childless, male, CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation, from a well established family, with several off shore bank accounts, then Republicans probably aren't the best people to represent your interests.

It's an election year. Draw ALL the lines in the sand.

It's that time again.  In this age of social media, it seems even more in our collective face, just how diverse our group of friends really is, and that applies to anybody.  I don't care who you are, short of hiding under a rock, after crushing your iPhone with said rock, and donating your computer to the homeless, you can't get away from your friends' politics in 2012.  With that said, I have a few messages for all my groups of friends.

Dear Democrat friends,

I love you guys. I really do.  I share your enthusiasm for marriage equality, the Affordable Care Act, and regulating GMO foods.  Also, even though your guy hasn't done the greatest job of ending the wars as fast as I'd hoped he would, he's done a lot better than his predecessor, so I'm not going to hate on him for that.  I also share your disdain for Mitt Romney.  I'm pretty undecided on what should be done about the tax code.  You guys are killing me with some of the stuff you're coming up with as far as that goes.  While I think that the tax code needs revision, and the richest among us should pay their rightful share of taxes just like everybody else, I think blatant redistribution of wealth is kind of wrong, so maybe you want to sandwich that message a little more.  Otherwise, keep doing what you're doing.  You guys don't suck.




Dear Republican friends,

You guys are killing me.  I like you guys as people. Really I do, but what the hell are you smoking?  Did you not see what 8 years of the crap you guys are trying to promote did to our country before?  You cannot possibly think that going to war with Iran is a good idea, and please, for the love of all that is holy, tell me you'll be writing in someone's name and not voting for Mittens.  Being that you are generally intelligent people, I have more faith in you than to vote for that guy.  Otherwise, what is up with all the hating on the gays?  What did they ever do to you?  Since most of you consider yourselves constitutionalists, please show me in the constitution where it says who can and cannot get married here.  It's not in there.  I simply cannot understand why you're against marriage equality, or would want more war.  I love everything you guys say about gun rights, veterans' issues, and auditing the fed.  Since those things seem to be a pretty common thread between all of you, why not write in Ron Paul when you vote?  We all know he really won the nomination anyway.



Dear Libertarian friends,

I love nearly everything from you guys, on a theoretical level.  End the wars, audit the fed, own assault rifles, legalize marijuana, etc.  I love it all.  The issue is, this message must be brought to the people before they will realize how good it is for them.  You guys do realize that with how crappy the Republican party has ended up being in recent years, we have a real shot at putting a third party candidate in the white house in the very near future.  What needs to happen is that there needs to be less focus on talking trash about the use of UAV's in Afghanistan (because really, that's getting so old), and more talk about how to get Gary Johnson into the main presidential debate.  The problem with Libertarians is that there are too many battles to pick, and you guys stay so divided.  There are the gun rights Libertarians, the marijuana Libertarians, the tax code Libertarians, and so on... Get it together, people. For once, try to have some form of a united front, even though that almost goes against the entire premise of Libertarianism.  It could work.  Give it a shot. ;-)

No move this year. Maybe year after next.

Some people know about the research and development job Thak was trying to get in my hometown.  He has decided not to go for that right now, and instead, to deploy with his current job next year.  While neither of us likes the idea of him deploying, his reasoning is sound, and I think he made the right, albeit difficult, choice.

First of all, he hasn't been with this firm for very long.  It doesn't look very good for his resume if he has only a short time at each of his civilian jobs.  He needs to stick with this one for longer.  Even if the other firm did have an opening, they wouldn't hire him with only 8 months at each of his two civilian jobs anyway.  That's not the kind of job history that just screams stability. 

The other thing is, we can't afford to move even if he did get hired.  When he deploys, he'll make a bunch of money, we'll pay off every dime we owe to anybody (car, student loans, etc), and have more to spare. We will be able to afford to move, just in case that other job comes through at some point after that. If it doesn't, well, he'll stay with this firm.  It's a good firm, and a good job.  We don't actually dislike a thing about it minus the deployments.  It's just that this place isn't somewhere we can really see ourselves living for the rest of our lives.  The only reason we'd leave is to go somewhere that fits us better.

It's a hard decision, and I know he didn't take it lightly.  Neither of us wants him to deploy. It's just that, at this point, this is the way it has to be.  He has to do this to fix the mess getting out of the Army put us into.  It's what Drill Sergeant always said about taking the hard right over the easy wrong.

Now I know what this kicks off.  It'll be just like it was the last time we lived here.  All anyone will ever want to talk to me about is deployments.  Here's what I know, so that people can just, like, talk about something else.  We do have a month that the unit is slated for.  It is in the earlier part of 2013.  These things nearly always change, but it would actually be kind of good if this one did not.  The timing would be, if ever there is such a thing with deployments, the best case scenario.  We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  It's a ways off.  Don't worry about it yet. The only relevant news at this point is that Thak has made his choice, and when the unit deploys, he'll be with them.

So... I don't have wisdom teeth anymore.

Well, that statement is about 3/4 of the way true.  I kept one of them because I use it, and am missing a molar on that side (root canal when I was 15, never got a crown for it, joined the Army 4 years later, and they pulled it).  The others fit ok, too, but the top ones caused all kinds of bad alignment including an overbite, and the other lower one was just kind of crowded, and was getting some big nasty cavities that would be nearly impossible to fix, given its position.  Therefore, at the age of 30, 6 years after they came in, I had 3/4 of my wisdom teeth removed.  I didn't realize how odd it is to get your wisdom teeth removed after age 21, but I didn't even have them until I was 24, so it kind of figures.

At my consult with the oral surgeon (I was referred there because one of my top wisdom teeth was broken and had the possibility of having to be cut out), they asked me if I wanted to be awake or asleep. I figured awake.  I mean, they weren't impacted.  It should be quick and easy, right?  The nurse thought that was crazy, and said that sometimes if it gets complicated, they have to have people come back and be sedated instead to finish the job.  Sold.  I'm doing this exactly once, and that's that.  IV sedation it is.  At that same appointment, the surgeon had a look at my wisdom teeth and said it should take him no more than 15 minutes to get them out, thought it would be an easy job.  That was good news.  I definitely like when the guy who does this stuff for a living seems to think it'll be simple.

A week later, it was time to have it done.  I was given a pill called Halcion, which would help with the sedation. They told me it's similar to Valium.  My RN friend Judy told me it's the same stuff they used for twilight births way back in the day.  I didn't know that, but after taking it, I kind of believe it.  I took the Halcion at 7:45, an hour before my appointment.  Then everything got a little hazy.  It was nothing like in the Army, when my buddy Scott took that stuff before having his wisdom teeth out, and passed out so hard we had to carry him down the stairs of the barracks.  I just started to feel really relaxed, and in a haze.  I went and sat in the car as Thak got the kids ready.  I remember putting my purse in the diaper bag so that it wouldn't get lost.  Then before I knew it, we were on our way to Statesboro.  I vaguely remember seeing the street where we needed to turn, and hoping Thak would remember it.  Then I remember getting out of the car, and sitting on the steps of the office while Thak unloaded the kids.

When we got inside, things got even hazier.  I signed in, and remember thinking it was a good sign that my name was on line 7 of the sign in sheet (it was on line 13 the first time I was there.  I don't like 7's or 13's on their own, but I like them together).  Next thing I remember, I was being called back to get prepped, and the nurse laughed because I picked up Chai and was bringing him with me.  I vaguely remember handing him to Thak, and then seeing Thak and the kids taken back to a room to see a video on how to care for me post-op, and being lead past there to the room.  I remember seeing an IV bag hanging from the ceiling, and being a little freaked out by that, and also a tray full of scary looking instruments which freaked me out a little, too, but I was too groggy to say or do anything about it, so I just sat there.  I remember that the IV hurt going in, being asked Thak's name twice, and how old the kids are, reminding me not to breastfeed for the rest of the day, and hearing a couple of nurses talk about how pretty Orren's hair is.  The last thing I remember was having a block put in my mouth to keep it open.

After that, the next thing I remember was Thak lifting me out of a wheelchair, and helping me into the car.  Then the drive home took what seemed like forever.  It was only like 40 minutes, though.  I don't remember coming in the house, but I do remember Thak taking my shoes off, and helping me into the bed.

I woke up about 4 hours later, not in any pain, but really thirsty because I hadn't been able to have anything to eat or drink from midnight the night prior.  I took the gauze out of my mouth, and drank some water.  Thak came in at some point, and checked on me.  He said we were in and out of the office in 45 minutes, that Erin and Orren, who had been watching a movie on Netflix on my phone, didn't even finish their movie before it was time to go.  At some point, he had run to Claxton to get my prescriptions and had gone to the grocery store for lots of pudding, ramen, soup, and jello, just anything he thought I could eat, while he was waiting for the prescriptions to be filled.  He explained all my prescriptions to me (antibiotic, steroid to prevent swelling, Vicodin for pain, and an anti-nausea drug just in case), then for the rest of the day, kept the soft foods coming, while I napped on and off, sleeping off the rest of the anesthesia.

All in all, it was easier than I thought it would be.  I didn't have any swelling, and only one tiny bruise that should go away in a couple weeks or less.  I haven't had to take any pain medication or anti-nausea medication.  Well, I did take a couple Tylenol early on, but no Vicodin.  I already couldn't nurse Chai for 24 hours due to the anesthesia, so I wasn't going to extend that out any.  Vicodin is supposedly safe for breastfeeding, but I didn't want to chance it unless it was absolutely necessary.  Luckily, it did not become necessary. That's probably because I ended up needing no cutting at all, just straight up simple extractions.  That definitely makes for an easier recovery.

Thak did great the whole day.  He cared for the kids all by himself, and didn't even yell at them, and he took care of me, and didn't act like it was a pain.  I just texted him when I needed anything, and he'd bring it to me.  Today, he's back to work, and I'm still doing great.  I still have no swelling, still staying on top of the antibiotics, and need no pain medication.  I even had coffee this morning! (I cooled it down to body temperature, just like the soups I ate yesterday. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to have hot drinks yet.)  All in all, I wish I'd done this years ago, but Thak never had time to help me with the kids in order for me to get it done.  I'm just glad to have it over with now.  It wasn't half as bad as people said it was. Honestly, the worst part was that the one day Thak's cooking actually smelled edible, I couldn't eat any of whatever it was that he made!  All in all, though, I am well on my way to recovery, now more than 24 hours afterward, and I am so happy to have cut the wisdom teeth population down by 75%.  Things can only get better from here.