DO NOT open it!

If you received an email from one of my gmail accounts, which contains a link of some variety, DO NOT open it or click the link or anything like that. That account was hacked, and it sent out who knows what to who knows who, so just delete anything that contains a link that you receive from one of my accounts. I haven't sent anything like that out. If you did open it, change your password, STAT.

I fired Captain Obvious.

People are just trying to be helpful. I get that. Seriously, though, do I look like an idiot? Really obvious "advice" is worse than nothing. It's like, wow, you really think that never occurred to me? How dumb do you think I am?

I'm also tired of having to explain the same shit over and over and over again. Yes, it's a Saturday, and I'm so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open, but I am doing normal weekday stuff. I got Erin off to school, Thak off to work, and now I have Orren, who's going through a "scream all day for absolutely no reason" phase, and we have to go grocery shopping. No, I can't just have Thak do it. Now I will answer all the stupid questions all in one place:

No, I cannot have Thak do it. Do you know how badly this man screws up every grocery mission I send him on? Because anyone who's known me for more than five minutes knows that. Not to mention he is the impulse buy king. (Again, anyone who's known me for more than five minutes knows that.) If I send him with a list of $200 worth of stuff, he will come back with $500 worth of stuff, and only half of what was on the list. Maybe YOU would like to help me.

Yes, Erin has school today. Yes, it's Saturday. Yes, I think it's complete bullshit. Why don't we transfer her somewhere else? Do you have ANY IDEA how hard it was just to get her into this school? (Once again, everybody who knows me knows this.) Plus, we CAN'T just keep transferring her every year or she will really never get the help she needs. You are aware that learning disabled kids pretty much rot in public school, and private school doesn't want them, right? Because I am forever aware of that because I live that reality every single day. We put up with this school's shit because this school is the only one that's EVER given our kid what she needs. Whether you think so or not, that's no small thing.

Yes, Thak really does have to go to work. He's the new guy. He can't exactly be picky with his schedule. Plus, we need the money. He doesn't fix cars, he doesn't get paid. He doesn't get paid, neither do our bills. See where we're going?

And as far as Erin's recital goes, unless you're going to offer to either watch Orren, or manage Erin backstage, I just really don't want to hear it, because I've thought of everything and unless I can clone myself between here and three weeks from now, or Thak can beg that one Saturday off from work, I'm fucked. Thankfully, one person has said she can watch Orren.... providing she doesn't have something come up. It beats the crap out of nothing.


The bottom line is, we will figure it out. We always do. It is just a very stressful time. Everything has piled up right now, and we simply don't have enough hands to do everything that everyone wants from us, in the manner in which they want it, and what we have to give is not enough for anybody at the moment. In the meantime, spare me Captain Obvious. I fired his ass because he annoys me.

I can't believe it.

I took Erin to the costume fitting this afternoon. Thak, as expected, didn't get off work until after we were there, so I put Orren on my back in the Ergo, and took him with me. What choice did I have? We walked in, the ballet teacher gave me a disgusted look, refused to seat us, and said to me in front of literally 100 people, "The sheet I sent home said NO BABIES." I said, "Well, we're here now. The alternative is that we could have not come." (And FYI, the sheet she sent home DID NOT say no babies. It said no dads.) She goes, "Well, everyone else made arrangements for their younger kids." I said, "That's great. We didn't have that luxury. We're here." Then she refused to seat us, made us stand in the doorway.

I got a text from Thak that said he was running late (shocker) and I told him to hurry because I caught hell for bringing Orren. He had to fight rush hour traffic from Central to the Far East side. I didn't know how long it would take him to get there, but it would be at least half an hour.

Orren, by the way, was an angel. Honestly, if not for the public ass chewing, I'll bet at least half the people wouldn't have even noticed he was there. He sat there on my back the whole time, played with my hair and the straps of the Ergo, and barely said a word. He wasn't disruptive, or unruly, or obtrusive. That's why I put him in the Ergo in the first place, so I could keep a handle on him, and give Erin my full attention for her costume fitting. It worked like a charm. The only problem was the mean lady.

Finally Thak arrived, and texted me that he was outside. I went out there, gave him Orren, and then went back inside with Erin. While I was outside, I told Thak what had happened, and he was so mad he had to get out of there ASAP or he was going to go in there and have words with that teacher, "no dads" rule be damned. He said, "Can't she see that you're, like, really really pregnant? I can't believe the bitch made you stand in the doorway." He was PISSED. I don't blame him. He said if not for the fact that Erin loves dance and is excited about her recital, we would have pulled her out RIGHT THEN.

I don't know what we're going to do. We're trying to get Thak the day off for the recital. It's a Saturday, and the shop is open on Saturdays, so hopefully he can have that one Saturday off, because honestly, I don't know how I will do dress rehearsal and the recital itself, in all at least four hours of this same type of stuff, if I have to have Orren with me. Everyone who could have watched him for me is either out of town, and will still be then, or they recently moved to another post. I don't trust anyone else with him. Thak will probably be able to get the day off. They don't make them work EVERY Saturday, so if he asks for that particular one off, it just means he'll work the other Saturdays in May, and that's fine with us.

I just don't know where this teacher lady gets off. How do you give activities for kids and be so family UNfriendly? I swear, she looked at me and Orren like we showed up with active legions of the Bubonic Plague right on our foreheads. I'm sorry, but he's a toddler, not a vile disgusting thing. I also get that since the girls were going to be trying on their costumes, there was a "no guys allowed" rule. I get that. I would never presume to bring a 4-year-old boy to something like this, for example. Orren is 2. If there is nudity around him, he doesn't even notice. There is a massive difference between bringing a kid who would actually grasp what was going on, versus a toddler.

I don't know what we're going to do. We have the registration form for next year's classes in our possession. Me and Thak really have to think about this. Erin loves ballet, and wants to do jazz, too eventually. She is happy at this studio. The location is not necessarily convenient to us, but it's not terribly inconvenient either. Shuffling her from studio to studio is not the best thing to do, and there are no good ones on our side of town anyhow, so we'd end up taking her to the westside if we did move her out of this one, and that's comparable distance to this one which is on the far east. Erin would probably be better off to stay at this studio. It is not an easy decision for me and Thak to reconcile right now, though, because the way this teacher has treated me and Orren does not make us want to give her our business.

We'll probably end up keeping Erin at this studio, because honestly, we just have to put her first and go with what is best for her, but I'm just really daunted right now. It's like, I'm busting my ass, trying so hard to make everything work, and it's just not good enough for anybody. How can someone chew out a parent in front of 100 others for trying to do for their kid?

Please forget.

I just remembered that on Sunday, there's this birthday party for some kid in Erin's class. Crap. This week has been long, and it's not even close to over yet.

In a few minutes, we have to leave for Erin's final costume fitting for her ballet recital, and I have to take Orren with me even though they are asking that ONLY moms come to the thing. Sorry. He's 2. He isn't going to care about the girls changing clothes around him, and I can't really just park him outside and come back for him later. Thak says he'll leave work on time today so he can come get Orren from me, but honestly, I don't see it happening. He's stayed late every day he's been there. He just loses track of time. It's not bad. He's making money. It's just the fact that he isn't going to get Orren from me, I'm almost 100% sure. So I'm just hoping they don't give me any hell over attending this costume fitting with a 2-year-old boy on my back. (Thank goodness for our Ergo carrier. I think running around after Orren might be the only thing that could make this more hectic.)

Then tomorrow, Erin has school and Thak has work. It's a short day for both at least. She gets off at 11, he gets off at 3, but they both have to be there at 8, so we still all have to get up and go like a normal day.

Then Sunday, there's that damned birthday party? I'm sorry. I can't. I need the one day that's left of the weekend. Plus, I hate El Paso kids' birthday parties. It's like the one-upping contest. People spend a fortune on these things, and they're just ridiculous. Sure, the kids have fun and that's great, but then I have to hear about it for weeks after the fact, how Erin wants this, that, and the other thing, that this friend or that friend had at their birthday party, which we'll never be able to afford for her birthday, and probably wouldn't get even if we could, because there's just a line between doing something fun for the kids, and going completely stupidly overboard. So I really don't feel bad about skipping out on another dog and pony show. I just really hope Erin forgets this thing is even happening. We need that one day to just be off. I can't just run 24/7 like this.

But, uh, now we have to go to this costume fitting, which will hopefully go by fast, because afterward, we'll still need to eat, and get everything ready to go for tomorrow.

Man, that's about back assward.

Real quick, because I've got about 1000 things to do today, but something just occurred to me. (And this is not so cynical. I'm typing this with a silly smile because the irony honest to goodness amuses me.)

Everyone says military wives have the toughest job in the world, right? You can't make one move around a military town without seeing ten things talking about how overworked, underappreciated, and overstressed military wives are. OK, I played that game for almost seven years. I can tell you, there are aspects of it which purely suck, and I imagine it would have been harder if I'd had more kids, or a lower ranking husband, but the fact is, that life as I lived it was an ill fit for me, but definitely not ridiculously hard like people paint it to be.

I'm going to tell you right now, it is 100x harder and more hectic on the outside! Don't get me wrong. BMW is a great company to work for, and we are SO unbelievably thankful for Thak's job there. We know what an amazing opportunity it is, and how rare it is for someone to be hired by such a high-end shop right out of school. Even so, from my end, this is harder than the military was. He makes less money (although that's a temporary condition), and while he doesn't work longer hours, the hours he does work are less forgiving. Sure, he probably COULD leave to come and help me with stuff that I really could use help with, but if he's not processing cars through his bay, he's not making any money, and while it would be nice to have him help with whatever it is, it doesn't do us a whole lot of good if we can't pay the bills, and if we want to pay the bills, he's got to fix BMW's. It's that simple.

I was actually talking about this with a civilian friend (who grew up a military brat, so she kind of understands both sides a little) the other day. I was laughing because of how the military wives go nuts over their husbands' paternity leave if the chain of command so much as dares to tell him when to take it, or doesn't let them tweak it to get him out of going to the field, or whatnot. It's amazing how much they take for granted that unless deployed, their husband will be there for every single thing. Thak won't get paternity leave. I really hope the baby's born on a weekend. He'll probably take a couple days off, but that's about it. We just can't afford more. They'd give it to him if he asked for it, sure, but it wouldn't be paid, and we just can't have that right now. Similarly, God Forbid a soldier (below a certain rank anyway) not finagle the day off work to watch the other kids so his wife can go to her OB appointment undisturbed. Even a higher ranking soldier will take the kids to work with him for things like that. We simply don't have that option anymore. I'm really glad most of my appointments are in home because it's just a ton easier with a toddler. On Monday, I have to go into the birth center and get my iron checked again (it's just standard procedure, one of the few we actually go by) and Orren will be going with me. It's not a bad thing. I don't mind taking him there, and everyone there likes him, but it's just the fact.

I've been hearing for the past almost 10 years about how the Army needs to be more family-friendly, but the short amount of time I've now spent on the outside, confirms what I'd thought all along. Take out the deployments, and it's already extremely family-friendly almost to the point of coddling. It's not bad out here. Don't get me wrong. We made the right decision, because another deployment would honestly be completely unacceptable to everyone in this family. It's just funny to see how much MORE self-reliant we have to be out here than we did in the Army, when to hear society tell it, it's the other way around.

Please parent your children.

The neighborhood kids, I swear. It slacks off for a few days, and then there's something else. It's ridiculous. Today, after picking Erin up from school, I took both kids and we went to a friend's house over in East-Central near where we used to live. Afterward, we met Thak in Central after he got off work, just to say hi and give hugs and kisses before he went off to school for the night (yeah, one more day of night classes. It's just a resume workshop, nothing he needs, but a formality. He may get out early.) Then we came home. By this time, it was 6 pm, I was exhausted, and still had to cook dinner for us. I told Erin and Orren that they could play in the backyard only. I just didn't have the energy to be running all over the neighborhood hunting Erin down when it was time to come in. She agreed, and without even having an attitude (she's spent the afternoon playing with her friend Lilly already).

When we pulled up in our driveway, and there was a kid kicking a can in our front yard. Really? I just knew he'd stand there and wait for me to get the kids unloaded and then ask if Erin could play. I reminded Erin that she was playing in her backyard today, and that was that. She said ok, and when he came up, she said that she might be able to play tomorrow, but today was out. He was disappointed, and appeared to walk away, but Erin and Orren were very good, and went inside, then back out to the backyard.

I was annoyed about once again coming home to be accosted by a random elementary schooler (Seriously, kids just showing up here when I'm coming home or leaving is really getting to be a big annoyance of mine.) but I was impressed with Erin's handling of the situation, and her lack of attitude. Erin and Orren went to the backyard, and I put some chicken in the oven. As I was cutting up potatoes, I heard one hell of a ruckus coming from the backyard. I mean, banging on the side of the house, gates rattling, it sounded like someone was getting attacked. I went out there and found the same kid from out front, kicking a ball against the side of my house, and my gate. I asked him what he thought he was doing. He just looked at me. I told him that if he wanted to kick a ball against a wall and a gate, he surely had one at his house he could do that at, and he needed to leave. Then I realized he looked exactly like the brat who rang our doorbell 100 times the other morning and woke up the entire house. I asked him if it was him who did that, and he said it wasn't. Then he went away. Erin told me afterward that it really wasn't him. I can't tell these kids apart. She can, though, so I'm going to take her word for that.

Five minutes later, I come back outside to check on Erin and Orren, and there was this kid, trying to scale the rock wall of my backyard! What the fuck?! I told him to get off my wall. I asked him how he'd like it if people just came to his house uninvited and did whatever they wanted. He stared at me like I had three heads. I don't think he's very smart. I told him to go away, and he did.

A few minutes later, I went back out there to check on Erin and Orren again, and they were throwing balls over the fence and that kid was fetching them. Fair enough. I didn't say anything.

Honestly, though, parents, I'm PLEADING with you, set some standards for your kids. My kids would not, in 1000 years, just trample all over people's boundaries like this. They know that people's homes are to be respected, and that you just don't go bulldozing your way in, uninvited, and just raise as much hell as you want. They know not to do that. They are 7 and 2, and they have some level of respect for people and their property. I would be so embarrassed if my kids acted like these neighborhood brats, and Erin at least, KNOWS IT. She knows she better never act like that, and can tell you with certainty what we do and do not find acceptable in this family. I get compliments on her all the time, and nobody has EVER had to run her off for being rude, too loud, or just not acting right. I'm telling you, it wasn't hard to get to this point either. Standards. Set them. Keep them. Do not change or bend them. That is how you keep from raising an annoying little bastard that nobody can stand.

5 years until our house in the boonies. This neighborhood crap is going to kill me. How come nobody ever warned me about this stuff? I thought the herd of kids in our neighborhood back in GA was an anomaly, an isolated incident. Then we came here, and everyone's like, "Oh yeah, it's a great neighborhood!" Why couldn't they at least warn me about the kids? I kind of feel a little bit duped, to be honest.

Today the uniform guy comes and will get Thak all squared away with his new BMW uniforms! It feels just a bit more official now, which is nice. He's not an intern anymore, that's for sure!

Oh, and we keep finding out things about this shop. When Alyson was over this weekend for my appointment, her husband and kids were with her since they had just come from the Great Cloth Diaper Change event downtown. Well, her husband was telling Thak that he was one of the contractors who had worked on the construction of the BMW shop, and that it was INSANE the materials they put into it. Like, he had done the heating and AC work, which was of course top notch, and there had been other local contractors who had done other facets of the work, but the floor tiles had been brought from Italy and came with their own crew (also from Italy) to put them in! Just a bunch of stuff like that. It's a well known fact, apparently, that the BMW shop is pretty much a palace as far as automotive shops go.

Thak was even talking about that. Instead of each tech bringing his toolboxes in, they just bring their tools and have cabinets and work benches built into the shop itself, along with computer work stations for each of them (the cars require a lot with computers, so it's very important). Not to mention, each of the guys gets two bays. It's pretty much the nicest shop Thak has ever seen, far less worked in, but that's what you get when you work hard to become the best in your field. He deserves no less.

Oh, and these guys bill an absolutely insane number of hours each week. This is definitely where the best opportunity is.

Shoe tan

Nope, that's not dirt. That's what happens when one little girl plays outside for hours and days on end, and lives in the high desert where the sun is hot!

Priorities, I suppose.

It's that time of year again! The time everyone anticipates all year long and spends months on end preparing for. That's right! I'm talking about standardized testing time! I honestly get the feeling lately, that I'm one of the only people who honestly doesn't much care how my kids do on these tests. Of course, none of my kids have actually had to take any of these tests yet, but this will be our last year flying under the radar screen like that. Erin goes to 2nd grade next year, and that's when they begin testing them. I know what she'll do. She'll knock math out of the park, and completely flunk reading. That's how Erin rolls. It tells us absolutely nothing novel about her, the education she's received, or her prospects for the future. I simply cannot be bothered to care how my kids score on a standardized test.

Lest anyone think I am a lax parent who doesn't care for academics, let me tell you what I do care about. I care that Erin got her first ever E on a spelling test two weeks ago, because she worked really hard for that. I care that her science project is impressive, and may win the science fair for her grade if those judges know what's good for them. I care that she gets awesome grades on every report card, and that she works hard in every subject, and does her genuine best.

But a standardized test? Please... As a parent, I don't see the point. My kids will know that they are to do their best, but these tests will not define anything about them.

More to the story?

Last night, Thak was outside talking with Urkle's stepdad while the kids played. I was in our yard with Orren, so I wasn't there for the actual conversation itself, but Thak gave me the highlights. We'd been debating what to do about Urkle for the past week or so, just because he's just such a pain, and Thak said he could talk with the dad, whom he semi-knows, but it probably wouldn't do any good because it seemed to us that he wasn't "allowed" to discipline him or anything, so we didn't bother. Talking with the mom wasn't an option. If you met her, you'd understand.

So anyhow, last night, they ended up just standing out there talking, and as it turns out, Urkle's stepdad knows that the kid is wild and doesn't listen very well at all, but he thinks that the other kids provoke him and make it worse. I can kind of see that end of it. The fact is, the kid is out of control. Thak didn't say anything about it, and I agree with that decision. The fact is, if the stepdad at least knows that this kid is a little crazy, then all we can hope is that he'll somehow be able to assert some form of discipline and figure out how to get a handle on him. I don't really see it happening, but we can hope.

I do kind of see his point about the other kids kind of making it worse, though. Most of the other kids in the neighborhood can't stand Urkle. Erin and one other girl are the only ones who are willing to play with him, and even they don't particularly like him. He screams like a girl 24/7 (which, funny enough, even annoys a couple of elementary school age girls), the dogs hate him so they can't take their dogs out to play because if they bite him we'd be screwed, and he just generally doesn't listen. Like Thak had to tell him 10x at least to get off one of Erin's toys when we were going in for the night.

I still don't like the kid at all, but I kind of feel for the stepdad. It seems like he's in a difficult position, in knowing this kid needs something, but not being "allowed" to do it. I get the feeling it would be a different story if he were able to kind of run things his way.

Move your due date up? Huh?

I was recently privy to a conversation that really tripped me out. These girls were talking about how they hoped they could get their due dates moved up so they wouldn't have to be pregnant as long. Uh, what? First of all, once again with the due dates. Who cares what it is? The odds that you'll have the baby on that day are like, next to nothing. It's not like you're racing toward THAT finish line and when you get there, you're done. It's just an estimate. Who gives a crap what they estimate? The baby comes when the baby comes.

What's more, they're talking about using measurements, and how the doctors, if you're measuring "ahead" (in other words, if the baby is larger than average), will "move" your due date sooner. What a load of shit. At our last appointment, just a couple days ago, Alyson estimated that this baby is 6 pounds or a bit over. That means that if I were to have the "average" 7.5 pound baby, I would need to do that at 37-38 weeks gestation. In reality, that's almost certain NOT to happen because most babies aren't ready at that point anyhow. The notion that a larger baby is ready to be born sooner than a smaller baby is just crazy talk to me. Just because they're bigger doesn't mean they're more developed. It just means they're bigger.

You know what this reminds me of? People who think that because their baby is bigger than average, that they can turn them forward-facing in the car without repercussions, at a young age. Hey, Orren hit 20 pounds at 4 months. Should I have gone ahead and turned him around? Uh, no, nobody with half a lick of sense would ever think that was a good idea, because any moderately intelligent person knows that a 4-month-old's spine is extremely immature, and it doesn't matter if the 4-month-old in question is 10 pounds or 30 pounds. The spine is still 4 months old, thus, immature.

The same applies to when babies are ready to be born. Some babies will be bigger and some will be smaller. There will be a continuum at any gestational age, but readiness to be born has to do with gestational age, not size. A friend of mine had her baby a week ago at 39 weeks. He was the size we estimate Chaiyo/Sirikit probably is right now at 35 weeks. My friend's son is perfectly fine and healthy, just tiny. He was born at full term. There is no concern for him. If Chaiyo/Sirikit were born tomorrow, Alyson wouldn't even attend our birth at home because the baby would be DEFINITELY premature. Sure, he/she would be the same size as my friend's son, but 4 full weeks behind in development. Gestational age is what matters, not size. You can't move the end date closer by growing a large baby. Just trust me on this one.

Easter pics

Finding their baskets:


Eggs ready for them to come get them!








Finding eggs:

The bunny came!

There will be more pics tomorrow, of course, of Erin and Orren hunting eggs (by the way, a big play structure in the backyard makes for a way more awesome egg hunt!) and playing with their new toys. (Hopefully we will be able to convince Orren to wear clothes for long enough to do this. He's become a major Mr. Nudist lately.)

But yes, this is what our $20-per-kid Easter looks like! We decided to go ahead and test out what we could do on a poor person's budget just in case we ended up really scraping by for a year or so while Thak gets himself established at BMW. By recent conversations with the people at BMW, that is not going to be the case (he's even being paid for his internship, which is unheard of. It's not a lot, but it's the principle of the thing.) but it was still worth figuring out how we'd do a holiday on a little. We pulled it off! I think they're going to like this stuff!

They each got the following in their basket:
A Zhu Zhu Pet
A train whistle
Bubbles
Two old fashioned candy sticks
A coconut patty
Three small chocolate bunnies

The only thing I completely undershot was the candy to fill eggs with, and thank goodness for a well stocked baking pantry, I had a bag of chocolate chips that filled in just perfectly! It was pretty great because Erin told me just yesterday that she doesn't like jelly beans, and that's what I had bought to fill the eggs with. At least she'll like half of them! Something tells me she won't have a massive problem with jelly beans come tomorrow either.

It's going to be a good easter for Erin and Orren! I'm looking at their baskets sitting on their little wooden bench, and realize that this is the last year that there will be only two of them there for them. Next year this time, we'll have a third basket up there for little Chaiyo or Sirikit. We have room for just one more!

The doorbell stops here.

Erin was having her requisite attitude issues, and we pulled her inside for a few minutes to talk to her about it. During the five minutes she was inside, the doorbell never stopped until we went out there and told the kid on the other side of it to stop ringing our doorbell, that if someone didn't answer the first time, he needed to go away, not ring it again. Seriously, I couldn't even get five minutes of peace from it.

The doorbell ringing stops now. I don't know what it is, if it's a Mexican thing, or a not being parented thing, or some of both (probably both), but holy crap these kids need to get smacked down. If they dare intrude on our birth by ringing the doorbell and banging on the door until they get an answer, I will not be responsible for my actions.

I drafted this:

Dear Neighbors,

We are expecting a new addition to our family within the next month and a half, and will be doing a homebirth. We ask for your cooperation in this by teaching your children not to ring our doorbell or bang on our door incessantly. If they ring once or knock, and we don’t answer, they should just leave, not keep ringing and banging until someone finally comes to the door. It is bad enough that they do this at all hours of the day (sometimes so early that our entire family is still asleep when they start the ringing and banging) but it would be far worse if they disturbed the birth of our new son or daughter this way.

We understand that the other children love to play with our 7-year-old daughter, Erin, and we send her outside to play when she is able. The kids may, and will, continue to play together just as they do now.

However, please teach your children doorbell manners (ring or knock only once), as this has been an issue since we moved into this neighborhood a month ago, and while it is getting very tiresome under normal circumstances, during a birth, it would be even worse. We really need people to respect our space during this time, and not contribute to undue stress. Please pass this along to your children and insure that they understand the importance of it.

Thank you,

The [M] Family

[Address]

It's going on every doorstep we think they MIGHT be coming from on Monday. Then if these parents don't toe the line and police up their kids, we'll do it for them. If that happens, the kids won't like it, but someone's got to teach them how to behave like civilized human beings, and somehow it's gone to the wayside until this point. Hopefully this wakes them up.

Good appointment!

Alyson was over just now. She stopped by after The Great Cloth Diaper Change event downtown (I so would have been there if I had anyone in diapers!) and we did our appointment. Everything is going great, of course, baby's growing fast, moving, and since we're getting toward the end, we did a little bit of measuring and weight estimating. At 35 weeks, the baby is currently approximately 6 pounds. That means if we go as long as we did with Erin and Orren, we are probably looking at another one in the 9-10 pound range.

Thak has his official guess in at 10 pounds 2 ounces. Erin has guessed 9 pounds 9 ounces. I'm not guessing, but I figure both of their guesses are good ones. Now that we've guessed this officially, under the guise of going to at least 41 weeks, we're going to have a 8 pound baby week after next. Just watch. (That would be a-ok, too!)

What training wheels?

Nothing like peer pressure to get a kid to learn how to ride a bike on her own! Yes, this bike is getting a little small for her. Thak said when she learned to ride really well, she'd get a new one. Looks like we're buying a new bike on payday! Works for me. What a big girl!!

The brats

Last night, I went ballistic on a neighborhood girl for feeding Orren part of her popsicle over the fence of our backyard. I went inside for two seconds to stir the soup, came back, and his face was covered in it. I had three thoughts. First of all, how does this little brat know he's not allergic? Secondly, how do we know she's not sick? (Because seriously, even when I was a kid, licking other people's ice cream disgusted me. It's just gross.) And finally, IS NOTHING SACRED?!! My kids were in MY yard, behind a locked gate, and this little bitch still managed to horn her way into my family the second I turned my back. What the hell, people?!! Where I come from, we just don't roll that way. So I went BALLISTIC on her. When someone who already does not like other people's children even when they're being relatively good has actual cause to yell at one, it gets very interesting. She ran away crying, of course. We felt bad later, and apologized for yelling, but it was as if she forgot the whole thing by then anyhow. It upset me worse than her. Figures.

Me and Thak were talking about it later that night, and he was saying how he just doesn't see why I don't like neighborhood kids. All I could get it to was that it's just not what seems normal to me. Like, when I was a kid, if someone was coming over, they called, then they came over when we agreed upon. I was never allowed to just inflict myself on people as a kid, and people didn't just inflict themselves upon us on a daily basis. It just seems very strange that when I walk outside my door, I'm expected to deal with a bunch of children. Why should I? I mean, I'm not being paid for this. I would never accept a job that required me to deal with this many children on a daily basis. Why would I accept this prospect in my own home, where I'm supposed to be able to live my way? Thak grew up on an Air Force base. This is what kids did there. It's all very normal to him.

This morning, I feel drastically less bad for yelling at the kid yesterday. This morning at a ridiculously early hour.... I'm talking about even Orren was still asleep (WAS) before this.... the popsicle brat's brother came knocking at our door, then ringing our doorbell. Thak went and looked through the peephole because it woke Erin up, and he goes, "Just ignore it. He'll go away." I thought to myself "Yeah, right" because I knew this kid would just bang and ring until someone answered because he's done it to me before and made me burn dinner like that. Thak came back to bed, though. Sure enough.... "BANG BANG BANG BANG RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RING BANG RING BANG BANG BANG RING RING RING RING!!!!!" Then Orren "Waaaahhhhh!!!!" I told Thak, "Go get rid of him." Thak goes out there, and told the kid to get lost. It's just so rude. Where are the parents? We told Erin not to bang on people's doors or ring doorbells because if the kids are allowed to come out and play, they'll come out on their own. I don't let my kid drive other families nuts. Why do people let their kids make us completely miserable? It's not cool. Be a parent. Don't assume everyone wants to deal with your kid for you. News flash: Most of us don't.

What we figured out is that this neighborhood thing is a bad idea for me. My idea of what a good life includes, is not random other children I had no say in being there. It's not easy to live like this. It's very stressful. I don't know how so many people do it. We have decided that when we move, and it will be no more than five years from now, we're moving somewhere that's not in a city, not in a neighborhood. We need to for my sanity. I can't just keep dealing with these kids. It's hell.

Neighborhood kids.... again.

It's an interesting dynamic with so many. There is one little girl whom we do actually like, and think is a good friend for Erin. Her name, ironically, is Emma, just like Erin's friend back in Georgia. She isn't annoying, minds her own business, and has boundaries that are pretty similar to Erin's. This is the type of kid I will let my kid hang out with.

As for Pee Wee on Crack, who is now renamed Urkle because it's shorter and he looks like Urkle, I can't stand him. It's like, every time he comes within 10 feet of me, I want to pick up a rock and lob it at his head because he's just worn out every bit of patience, tolerance, and welcome that ever existed here. See, the thing is that at first, he seemed ok, just a little wild, but what kid (especially boy) that age isn't? I thought maybe because his mom works, and he's pretty much been raised in daycare, that he just didn't have a lot of social skills, or that because his mom was single until last year, he just hadn't had a strong male influence in his life to teach him how to act right and lay down the law when necessary. I figured this was just a classic case of an upbringing on the back burner. Thak blamed religion, stating that "born again" Christian kids, boys in particular, are not generally disciplined very well. Well, whatever it is, I don't care. After today, we are 100% sure it's not innocent or unintentional or anything other than him being a rude little bastard.

Thak and I were just outside and he ended up fixing bikes for a lot of the kids because he was fixing Erin's bike, and kids just brought up their bikes which needed stuff like tires aired up, or chains put back on, or seats adjusted. When he got finished with all that stuff, Orren was enjoying himself playing outside on his Plasmacar, so we ended up staying outside to watch him, and observed more of this neighborhood dynamic. Erin and Emma were playing just fine, riding bikes, scooters, and stuff like that, and just doing their thing. Orren had to be kept in line, but he's 2. That's to be expected. He'd ride his Plasmacar out into the street by accident, and we'd pull him back to the sidewalk, and he'd ride along until the corner (our lot is on the corner, so we're talking about maybe 20 feet from the driveway) and turn around.

Then there was Urkle. In the space of 15 minutes, here is the short list of what this little bastard did:

-Pushed Orren off his Plasmacar and took it from him, three times.
-Wouldn't stay out of Erin's Jeep, which was charging and definitely NOT out for playing.
-Waved a fishing pole in my face.
-Whipped the car with the fishing pole.
-Came back repeatedly even though he was told to leave.
-Pushed me, Erin, and Orren.

I had enough. I told Thak, "Get rid of this kid. I can't stand him." He tried. He told him, "Look, you make Mrs. M very unhappy, you upset our dog every time you come near our house, and you are the only person in the world we can say that about. You are getting on everybody's nerves, and nobody is enjoying the fact that you are here. Go home." He decided instead to take Orren's Plasmacar again.

I had enough then. I told him, "Look, we don't like you. We put the peephole in our door so we could know not to answer when it's you. [true story]. You steal toys from 2-year-olds. You stomp flower beds. Our dog even hates you, and our dog loves everybody. You are not the kind of person we want anything to do with. GO AWAY. You are not welcome here." Of course, it didn't work. By then, Erin was getting flustered by the other kids telling her how to ride her bike (she thought they were being bossy, really they were just cheering her on), so we pulled our kids into the house because we figured Erin needed a break, put everything in the garage, and told everyone to go home. That worked.

Seriously, though, we don't know what to do with Urkle. His stepdad is actually very cool. We know him. He's not allowed to discipline the kid, though. The mom.... holy crap, she's a little scary. She's kind of a snob, and I can tell there's NO WAY her kid isn't perfect. Since she's the one who does all the disciplining (by which I mean absolutely none at all because the kid is always in daycare and when he's not, she's sugaring him up and sending him outside to go inflict himself on people like us) this kid is pretty much just screwed for life.

We also learned something very interesting about the Araboolies White Trash Cousins. Their mom is like younger than me.... and has kids from Erin's age all the way to teenagers, probably 6 or 7 of them. We still haven't gotten an accurate count That explains a lot. We still haven't seen a dad, which means maybe he's deployed. That, too, would explain a lot. Mind you, as my friend Jo Ann from back at Ft. Stewart would say, "There's a difference between explaining something and excusing it." The kids still act like shit for the most part, but we now kind of see why.

I will say something VERY good for our own little girl. Everything we've been doing with her as far as groundings, holding a hard line on discipline, and everything else, is paying off. She just came and asked if she could go play in her friend's backyard. That means that she actually now understands that our rules are for something other than trampling on. (If she's going to be in anyone's yard, she needs to tell us which so that we know where she is. She used to just disappear, and we'd find her in random people's houses, yards, or whatnot. This asking is a major breakthrough.) Of course, we said yes, with the stipulation that when daddy called for her, she had to come running. This is very promising.

School age kids are hard to deal with sometimes, and there are hard times, but being consistent will pay off. You hearing this, Urkle's mom?

The one who requested an early induction to get her husband out of going to the field, had her baby yesterday afternoon. The baby was born not breathing, with a heart defect, and was airlifted to Phoenix to undergo open heart surgery within the next five days.

The induction, while still an idiotic decision by any reputable standard, was not to blame for any of this. What it says to me, though, is that hospital birth and prenatal care by the obstetrical model do not guarantee a healthy baby. This woman had ultrasounds at EVERY appointment (the OB she went to just does that for everyone because people like it, I guess), went to an OB that did pretty much overkill of everything, took every test, and every screening, and did her labor, start to finish, in a hospital. Ask most people, and that's the recipe for a healthy baby. It didn't work this time, though.

Now, the billion dollar question, because I get it every time anyone has anything go different from plan with their babies. What would happen if I had a baby in that same condition at home? Basically, all they were able to do for the baby at the hospital here was give her oxygen, and we can do that at home, too. If we had this situation, we would call 911 to do an emergency transfer to the hospital, and while waiting for it to arrive, Alyson would administer oxygen to the baby. When we arrived at the hospital, they would treat the baby the same as they did this one, then we, too, would airlift to Phoenix. The only difference is that unlike this mom, who's stuck here while her sick baby is 2 states away, I would go, too, because no hospital would need to release me.

Even with a sick baby, we would be better off at home. Everyone always wonders if seeing people have unhealthy babies (which they seem to do left and right around here for some crazy reason, although this is the most extreme case I have seen) makes me question my homebirth plans, but I'll be honest and tell you it's quite the opposite. When things don't go as planned, it's more important than ever, NOT to just be a cog in the machine at a hospital. That's when you need it more than ever, to be a person, not a number, and to not be bound by protocol. Treat an emergency like an emergency, yes, but be free of policies that make things harder than they have to be.

The entire post and community are wishing only the best to this family and the new baby. We all know that they are in the best hands now that the baby and her daddy have arrived safely in Phoenix, and are waiting to find out when the doctors there want to operate. Put bullshit aside and just hope for a fast and complete recovery for the baby.

Last one standing.... and that's fine.

As of tonight, I will be the last of my pregnant friends to still be pregnant. The others, as of tonight, will all have had super early elective inductions or elective c-sections. Sure, they were slightly farther along than me, but not by terribly much. These babies were nearly all taken shockingly early. It's really insane what doctors are willing to do these days, and for the craziest reasons. (One had an elective induction 3 weeks early to get her husband out of going to the field.)

And so, the cheese stands alone, and most likely will for quite some time. The cheese is totally ok with that, though. Totally, 100%, unconditionally ok with it. I almost think that those of us not in a rush to the finish line are in the minority. I can't wait to meet the new baby, of course, but there is no rush. He/She will be here in his/her own time, not a moment too early or too late. Sure, we're getting things ready. We have the crib set up (although the baby won't use the crib right away), the small diapers washed and put away, gender-neutral onesies ordered, and our homebirth kit mostly assembled.

We are making our way toward the finish line, you bet, but we're not running. Ambling along leisurely suits us just fine. Baby's healthy, I'm healthy, and there is no rush. Looking forward to a nice simple birth, when it's time, and not a moment too soon.

Baby fluff!

Since we are getting settled into the new house, I got the baby's diapers out of storage. These are all our size NB and Small diapers, but not many one-size. The one-size ones, I'll tend to before long, but for the first few weeks, these diapers will be plenty.

They're all in practically new condition because Orren outgrew them so fast. The ones in the middle, he only wore for two weeks. The prefolds up top, he wore for almost two months. They're all pretty much mint condition, though. It's amazing to think that we'll be selling these diapers (minus the ones on the left column since those are one-size) probably within the next 3-4 months if this baby grows anything like Orren. That is insane!

Rewards, bribery, and the gimmes.

We had gotten somewhere with Erin. I could have sworn we'd pretty much fully overcome the gimmes. Sure, she still asked for stuff, but every sentence out of her mouth no longer started with "I want" or "Can I have", so life was good. We had stopped rewarding her for good behavior, or buying her much of anything. That's how we were trying to get one up on the gimmes, just stop giving her stuff, because she was taking it for granted, and also not taking care of the stuff she was given (like leaving her Nintendo DS and $150's worth of games and accessories at a unit function, and then not even caring that it was gone, figuring she'd just get another. Uh, no.) Thak said she just wasn't getting anything else for a while, and I agreed.

Well, last Friday, we figured it had been long enough. She told us that she had made an E on a spelling test. That is the first time she has ever not completely flunked one, and an E is a fabulous improvement over the U's she had been getting every week, so I proposed that we get ice cream. That's where it all fell apart.

This morning, she asked where she could send her list of stuff that she wanted from the Easter Bunny, and was very disappointed when I informed her that the Easter Bunny didn't take gimme lists, that she'd just get whatever he/she decided to bring. Then this afternoon, on the way home, she told me she got an E on an assignment about Ben Franklin. I barely got "good job!" out of my mouth before she said, "And I get ice cream now?"

Fuck.

Every Captain Obvious jerk of an "expert" will tell you that rewarding good behavior is a solid tactic for encouraging it. The problem is, then the kid just does whatever it is for the bribe, not because it's the right thing to do. Erin now thinks she gets ice cream every time she does well on some random assignment at school. I explained to her that she got rewarded for doing well on her spelling test because spelling is her hardest subject, and she'd never done that well before. I could tell she didn't understand. She made another E on something that basically amounted to a worksheet, and wanted her ice cream, damn it. So now she is all disappointed because she didn't get ice cream for her E. Hopefully this doesn't mean she starts half-assing assignments again like she was before. I'm NOT buying grades in ice cream, and it's becoming more and more apparent that we haven't beaten the gimmes.

She was so good for almost a whole week.... I seriously thought we were getting somewhere.

Orren got a haircut.

We left it long, but he got his bangs cut, and the ends trimmed and stuff. It's still adorable and we still get compliments on his hair all the time, but it no longer falls into his eyes 24/7 or gets so tangled in the back. See? Isn't he studly?!!

Erin is waiting until after her ballet recital to get her hair cut shorter, and if she gets much of a summer break (unlikely) we'll be dying it pink. Orren will not get pink hair, though. No. Just getting his hair cut was scary enough for him. He was a big boy, though (as long as daddy held him).

Ultrasounds. What are they good for?

The million dollar question at any Army post for YEARS has been how many ultrasounds the post hospital does for each pregnancy, and of course, where in town is good to go get more ultrasounds, because the post hospital never does enough for most of these people.

Ultrasound has got to be the most beloved technology surrounding pregnancy as we know it. I mean, who doesn't love seeing the baby, right? Babies are cute, and you can see the heart beating and know they're ok, and even make sure before they're born that they have all their fingers and toes! There are even 3D and 4D ultrasounds that will show you the baby's facial features. There are boutiques that do these, and even people who can bring the stuff to your house to do it. Ultrasound is a huge part of pregnancy these days.

Like most people, I didn't used to think there was anything wrong with it. I thought if they were harmful, they wouldn't be so popular (That's before I realized the error of they style of logic. Lots of things are popular that are certainly not good, especially when it comes to pregnancy. Hey, wasn't Thalidomide pretty popular back in the day?) Then I read an article from a very reputable British medical source which linked excessive numbers of ultrasounds during pregnancy, to speech delays among the children. That opened my eyes enormously. I have a speech delayed child, and I had an excessive number of ultrasounds while pregnant with her. Since I went so far past 40 weeks, the compromise to avoid an induction was to check fluid levels and placenta function frequently (daily toward the end) by ultrasound. I probably had a dozen ultrasounds while pregnant with Erin, and it probably harmed her.

It's like anything else. Nobody does it for malicious reasons. Most people are just going with what their care provider recommends for them, and currently, a lot of care providers recommend ultrasounds, some frequently. It's something to question, though. Sure, it's fun to see the baby, but is it worth the risks? Honestly, I don't believe it is. Since learning of all these things, I say no to ultrasounds. I did have a minimal number of them with Orren and Chaiyo/Sirikit, but honestly, in retrospect, I probably would not have requested those either.

Here's a good concise article outlining the links to possible harm coming from ultrasounds. It cites its sources as well, which I find important.

Say no to ultrasound unless there is some medical indication for it. Is it really THAT hard to wait until the baby is born to see him/her? You know the ultrasound image doesn't look that much like the baby anyhow. Think before you consent/request.

What more could you want?

The townie military wives drive me nuts. They act like this is the greatest place on earth (which is actually normal considering it's their hometown) and then act like the 99% of us who see it for the shithole it is are crazy. They're always saying, "What more could you want? El Paso has everything!"

OK, so here's the thing, we TOLERATE this place. It is NOT what you make of it. It is what it is. We tried hard to love it, but honestly, the first day we woke up here, I looked out the window, and said to Thak, "What did we do? We turned down New York, Louisiana, and Korea for this, and it's the ugliest place I have ever seen." He said, "I know. It's not what we expected. We have to give it a try, though." and so we have. It has not been an easy place to live. We are staying for a while because it makes more sense to do that than to move somewhere we'd actually like to live right this minute. We've finally found Erin an academic arrangement that works for her, and she's finally getting the help she needs. Thak has a job here, and a slot that he can keep until he retires, in a local Reserve unit. It makes sense for us to stay here right now, but wow, it took so much adjustment to get to this point. It's not one of those places where you can just move there and live your life. It requires considerable adjustment for the majority of people.

They always want to know, what more could we want than what El Paso offers, because according to them, El Paso has everything. Well, here's what more we could want:

-Grass
-Trees
-Glass recycling
-Clean air
-Some body of water
-A REAL farmers' market (what you people call farmers' markets are called shitty fruit stands anywhere else)
-A seafood restaurant that doesn't completely suck (Yes, townies. That place you rave about? I sent my food back and refused to pay money for it. That's how nasty it was.)
-Baby and kid stores that sell actual good stuff
-Real kid activities (kindermusik, mommy and me classes, etc)
-People who can drive
-Pools that are clean
-A halfway decent school system
-Trader Joe's
-Whole Foods
-Parks without graffiti
-An aquarium
-Real museums (yes, you call certain things here museums. They're pathetic.)
-Festivals that aren't complete crap

I'm sure there's more, but that's just what comes to mind. I'm just tired of having this city rammed down my throat. We tolerate living here. Most days, we manage to find it acceptable. It makes it so much harder when the townies can't just be honest about the fact that this place just kind of sucks and we're all just doing our best with it. If we can laugh about it, then it's kind of ok most of the time, but when they demand that we love it, that's when it gets very hard.

No words.

Two of my friends are having their babies on Monday. One is an induction, the other a c-section, both due to marginally iffy blood pressure (Any remotely decent midwife on the planet would have them control that with diet and herbs.) Neither has reached even 40 weeks yet. Both babies are boys, and both will be circumcised shortly after birth. It makes me sad. These moms are people I like and respect, but these things, I just have no words for. It just flies in the face of everything I know about what's good and right. I feel for them, though, because it's as if they've been backed into a corner and feel they have no choice now.

Chaiyo or Sirikit, you have as long as you need, even if it's 44 weeks. I will never force you to be born by chemical means, and would only resort to a surgical birth if it was to save your life or mine, and that determination was made together by me and Alyson, who would never make such a determination hastily. When you are born, it will be peacefully into our home, maybe into your daddy's hands, maybe into Alyson's hands, maybe into the water, but there will be no bright lights or loud noises to frighten you. Your cord will remain connected until you have received all it can give you and has stopped pulsing on its own. You will stay with mommy and daddy while Alyson examines you, and you will nurse as soon as you're ready and as often as you like. Nobody will take you from us for any reason. Whether you are male or female, we will honor your right to keep the WHOLE healthy body you were born with.

Peace on earth begins with birth. It's the least I can do. I'm so thankful for the support of Thak and Alyson along this journey, and because of that, I feel confident that I won't be backed into a corner and forced to do something that isn't the very best.

The local flavor:

So I'm starting to learn this neighborhood a little, people-wise. Here's what we've got so far:

Pee Wee Herman on Crack... This is a 5-year-old who lives very near us, and drives us absolutely nuts. The one time I let him in my house to play with Erin (actually, Erin let him in and I didn't kick him out) he locked himself in Erin's room, and then when he came out, he ate half a basket of fruit and emptied Orren's dresser. When his mother showed up looking for him I couldn't have been more pleased. Pee Wee, put simply, is a pain in the ass, and a ROYAL one at that. I feel kind of bad for the kid, though, because Erin's the only one in the neighborhood who doesn't tell him to get lost every time he comes out to play, so out of pity, I let him play with Erin.... just NOT in my house or yard. I'm not stupid. Plus, Frank hates him. Every time he says anything (and he's incredibly loud) Frank tries to run out and rip him to shreds. I've never seen my dog totally hate someone like he hates Pee Wee. He bit him the other day. We had to hang "Beware of Dog" signs.... because of Frank. (Well, really because of Pee Wee.) The good news is that Pee Wee is a temporary situation. His family is on orders, and he'll be out of here in probably a couple more months.

The Araboolies' White Trash Cousins... This is an entire family that lives behind us, kind of diagonal. They have about 100 kids, by the looks of it zero adults, and if there is such a thing as a negative number of rules, that's what they've got. These are, so far, the ONLY kids in the entire neighborhood whom Erin is absolutely forbidden from having anything to do with. I can't stand these brats. If there were a manual for parenting, the "don't" section would consist of a blow by blow account of whatever the assholes who raised this band of delinquents did for the past 10 or so years of their lives. These kids are the worst. They stand on top of the rock walls, essentially peeping in at everybody, they stay up until ridiculous hours even on school nights, and are incredibly loud. We find them on our ride-on toys, in our gardens, and they were the main ones leading the charge into our yard the day Thak set up the play structure. They are the reason we have to lock everything up. I have to run a white trash Arabooli off my property at least twice a week. I'm very mean to them, hoping that they'll get the point. We tell them every time they set foot in our yard to go away, that we're not their playground, and that they're not wanted here. Honestly, we're just really hoping their father (assuming they have one) comes down on orders REALLY soon.

The Motorcycle Gang... These are older kids. They're not necessarily bad, but I don't like Erin playing with them much, just because they are older and have a way different set of rules than Erin has. They ride through the neighborhood on those motorized scooters, but don't really get into anything. I've had to make it clear that they're not wanted in my yard (None of the kids are. It's my yard, not a public park.) but they're mostly fine.

And everyone else is completely normal!

Baby carriers, and you.

There is a lot available in the world of baby carriers, from the very good to the totally horrible, and a lot in between. It seems like there's a lot of confusion about this topic, so for those who don't want to actually go to a babywearing website and find out the down and dirty on this stuff, I'll break it down super quick.

First of all, let's look at what you should never, ever, in 10,000 years put your child into.

Bag slings. The link says it all. They are death traps. These idiotic contraptions still turn up on Craigslist all the time, so if you see one, please flag it as "prohibited" (because selling recalled goods really is prohibited), and email the seller with the link I just gave you. Whatever you do, don't buy the thing. They are a suffocation hazard.


Now, here's the not dangerous, but definitely ill-advised:

Front pack carriers. Also known as "crotch danglers" (for obvious reasons), and sold under pretty much every brand name you can think of, these things are not dangerous or anything, but they're really not very highly recommended either. Sure they're cheap, and relatively easy to use, and you can find them anywhere, but they are horrible for the baby's hips and back. Think about how a baby sits in one. Does that look very ergonomic to you? It doesn't to me. I actually own one of these things (and the first person at my door with $20 can take it off my hands!) and I can tell you, they're totally uncomfortable for the parent to wear also. They cause a ton of back pain and muscle fatigue after even just a half day of use. All in all, using one of these carriers is far from the worst thing you can do, but you're a smart and informed parent, and you can do better.

Now, you want to see the good stuff? I'll show you the good stuff.

Soft Structured Carriers. These are AMAZING. They not only keep the baby's hips and back in a correctly aligned position (ask a chiropractor if you don't want to take my word for it), but they are so infinitely much more comfortable for the parent than the front pack, and they give you tons more options, AND can be used for toddlers as well as babies. I personally have an Ergo, which I use, yes, even now hugely pregnant, for my 2-year-0ld, when we shop. I back carry him and don't even feel his weight. It's amazing.

There are many brands of soft structured carriers, and here are a few popular ones. Ergo , Beco, Boba, and others.

Wraps. These are great for babies who aren't big enough for soft structured carriers yet. There are a ton of ways to use them, they're extremely versatile, and although there's a bit of a learning curve on how to use them, they are great for the baby, and generally comfortable for the parent.

Pouch Slings. These are cool. I own one. They are really simple to use since there's no adjusting, and putting it on is totally idiot-proof. They're pretty easy to make, too, so anyone who's crafty can come up with one of these for just a few bucks. They're great for newborns all the way through toddlers (Orren likes to be hip carried in ours), and since the baby is held high on the parent's torso (in the case of infants and newborns, of course) it is safe, and does not pose a suffocation hazard when used properly. These are a sized product, unlike most baby carriers, so if you're buying used, make sure it's from someone close to your height and weight since it matters for the fit of the sling. You don't want it too small or too big.

Ring Slings. I may be the only person on the entire planet who dislikes ring slings for my own personal use. Most people love them, though, and they are a great style of carrier in general. They are used exactly the same way as a pouch sling, except that instead of being sized, they adjust by pulling the tail of the sling through two large rings that sit at shoulder level. Many people love ring slings such as the Maya Wrap because the tail can be used as a shade for the baby or a nursing cover if they want.


The most important thing is to do your homework, figure out what carrier is right for your family's needs, and go for it. For us, we chose the Ergo because we wanted something fairly gender-neutral that Thak could use as well since he often wears the babies. We also wanted something that would be usable for babies and toddlers, that didn't cost TOO much but was still good quality, and that was versatile, with as many carry options as possible. We found that the Ergo was our best bet for these attributes, and have been very happy with it from day one. I tried the pouch sling, honestly, because I got it for practically free, and I just ended up liking it. Sometimes you just have to try stuff that seems like a good deal, too.

The BEST invention EVER.

Every family needs one of these. I swear, in the 24 hours that our play structure has been set up, Orren hasn't even asked for TV, Erin's watched maybe half an hour of it, and they've been happier than I've seen them in forever. The only time they're sad (and it's really only Orren) is when they have to come in for baths and to get ready for bed. They play outside until 7 pm, but after that, it's bathtime, and then 8 pm is bed.

They are playing well together. I don't have to deal with the neighborhood hoard. It's peaceful. Orren plays on it all day while sissy is in school, and then when she gets home, she plays with him. They love it. It's the perfect thing for them. I am SO happy that we got it.

The hot button parenting issue of 2010

Circumcision was named the #1 hot button parenting issue of 2010, and for good reason. People are talking about it. The AAP's revelation that circ rates for newborn baby boys in the US have dropped below 50% nationwide on average, made big waves at the World AIDS Conference. San Fransisco intactivists have gotten a law onto the ballot that would outlaw circumcision within the city from being performed on any person below the age of 18. Best of all, more states have stopped funding it through their Medicaid programs, and more private insurance companies have stopped paying for it, accurately deeming it a cosmetic procedure.

One byproduct of this is that it has flushed out rampant misinformation as popularized by American parents on the whole. They claim it's cleaner, that there is less risk of infection, that guys who are left intact almost universally have problems down the line, and that they get made fun of. This flushing out of rampant misinformation is important, because it gives people like me, who have been there, and gotten to the bottom of this issue, the chance to educate, and that's how change occurs.

I'm not coming from a place of always being informed. I know what it's like to research this topic, and how confusing it can be. I was single when I had to make the decision for Erin, had she been a boy. I didn't have Thak to ask. I didn't have any real familial or religious traditions to fall back on when it came to this. What I had was my mind, and a fat stack of information, some good, some bad, and I had to sort through it. My knee jerk reaction, as an American, was to say, "Well, everyone does it, so I should, too. It's just what you do with boys." (For the record, my midwife totally cringed when I said that. I now understand why.) Then I asked for more time to make the final (albeit hypothetical) decision, because I realized that it was a topic I knew nothing about, and that making irreversible decisions on behalf of another human being, based on a knee jerk reaction, was a pretty uneducated thing to do.

I read that the American Academy of Pediatrics takes a wishy-washy stance, stating that there COULD be benefits, but that even if there are, they're not sufficient to recommend the practice. I read that the World Health Organization doesn't recommend it at all. I read that there are over 20,000 nerve endings in the foreskin, and that it is impossible to anesthetize a baby so as to make the procedure painless. I read that there are risks, that 1% of circumcisions performed require revision, and that in an adult male, the amount of skin removed would be the size of a post card if unfolded and spread out. I read that it really doesn't prevent infection in any great numbers, and that girls actually get thousands of times more infections than boys, circumcision or none. I read that 80% of the world's male population is intact, and that the US is really the only industrialized country that performs this surgery on more than 10% of its baby boys.

After reading all that, I was pretty well settled that I wouldn't be doing that to any child of mine, and at my next appointment, I let my midwife know that if the baby was unexpectedly born a boy, my final answer was no circumcision. After that, I was kind of disgusted with the fact that so many people still did this to their sons when there's so much information out there showing that it isn't good for them at all, and that it's not this minor "just a snip" procedure that a lot of people seem to think it is. I wondered how we got to the point of doing this to so many boys.

Would you like to know how it became popularized in America? There was a guy named Dr. Kellogg (yes, believe it or not, the same guy who made the corn flakes), and he proposed circumcision as a cure for masturbation. According to him, we desperately needed a cure for masturbation, as it is one of the great ills of our society, and causes a whole host of physical and mental problems. He thought that removing the most sensitive part from boys would be the way to go as far as curing it. This is a quote from Dr. Kellogg on the subject:

"A remedy which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision, especially when there is any degree of phimosis. The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment, as it may well be in some cases. The soreness which continues for several weeks interrupts the practice, and if it had not previously become too firmly fixed, it may be forgotten and not resumed."

Hey, Ladies, he had something for us, too.

"In females, the author has found the application of pure carbolic acid [phenol] to the clitoris an excellent means of allaying the abnormal excitement."

Mmmmm.... carbolic acid. Somehow that one never caught on, but the good doctor's recommendation for the boys has pervaded through time relentlessly.

Now, I've just got to ask. Knowing that this practice gained popularity in the US for reasons of curbing masturbation, how's that going? Has masturbation stopped because a majority of our male population is missing a piece? I'll let you come to your own conclusions on that one.


Before we end, let's also take a look at circumcision around the world. As I said before, the US is the only industrialized country that has a circumcision rate over 10%. Other countries with high circumcision rates have majority Jewish or Muslim populations, and it is a religious custom there. (I'm not touching that subject today. We're only talking about non-religious circumcision of male infants here.) We are the ONLY country that does this for non-religious reasons, so pervasively. Here are a few other fun facts:

-It is illegal in Finland to perform a circumcision on a minor, for non-medical reasons.

-The Dutch Medical Association released a strongly worded statement in 2010, imploring doctors to refuse to perform non-medically-indicated circumcisions on minors.

-The British Medical Association has spoken strongly against the practice for years. In fact, even Princess Diana broke with tradition and kept her sons intact, despite the royals being possibly the only people in all of Great Britain with a long standing tradition of cutting.

-Over 80% of the world's male population is intact. (Do infections, issues, and pointing and laughing, run rampant in, say, Germany? Russia? China? Brazil? Scotland? Sweden? Australia? No.)


The facts show, this is a cosmetic procedure. It is one that American parents are still free to choose on behalf of their sons, but I ask one thing of every parent, especially those who are expecting a son. Do real research. Learn where this practice came from. Learn what it does and does not do, and how it is regarded around the world. Get past the knee jerk American reaction of "that's what you do with boys", and actually learn about what it is. Only when you have done that can you say that you have made an informed choice.