There has been some big controversy over a Ft. Lewis social group (unsanctioned) that is online. It is called "Ft. Lewis NCO Wives". People have gotten very ugly about this. They've said that the creators of it could get in massive trouble, that they're violating operational security by stating that their husbands are NCO's, and just kind of engaging in a big nasty witch hunt. It all started off with one girl stating that it was an example of rank wearing.
First of all, I'm so sick of this rank wearing thing. Everyone in the military has a rank. It dictates nearly everything about their life, from their duties at work, to their pay, to the way they interact with those around them. It follows rather simply, that it would have some influence on their family also. To acknowledge that your husband has a rank, and what type of rank it is, does not constitute rank wearing. Treating other people like crap because of what their husband's rank is in relation to your husband's, would be rank wearing. Nobody is doing that in this instance. Some women just formed a social club for their peers. What a crime.
Let's also be clear that they would most certainly not get their husbands in trouble for creating said social club. In fact, if they filled out the proper paperwork, and got it sanctioned, they would probably get an award for setting something like that up for the good of the post! NCO Wives' Clubs are an old tradition of the Army, which had gone away for a while, but they're coming back into fashion in a big way. There are many NCO Wives' Clubs all over the Army as of this year, and most of them have websites, social network pages, and things of that nature. It's definitely not something anyone would get their husband in trouble for being a part of.
What's more, the Officers' wives have their club, which never went out of style, has been a fixture at every post for as long as there's been an Army, and probably always will be, but nobody bats an eye at that. NCO wives get the same thing and it's all of a sudden rank wearing and a violation of national security policy? Give me a break!
Yes, I am a member of the NCO Wives' Club. No, I do not treat people like garbage because of my husband's rank, therefore, I am not engaging in rank wearing. I am, however, engaging in socializing with peers, who actually know what the hell I'm talking about half the time.
Rank is not a sin. Social clubs are not a sin. Please, report this to some Colonel. It would probably give him the best laugh he'd had all week.
(For the record, we have voted on multiple occasions on whether to open our membership to wives of lower-enlisted soldiers. The group consensus is no, and the main reason is because there was little interest from them, in socializing with the wives of their husbands' superiors. It's not like we're barring the doors while people are banging at them to get in. Nobody is trying to get in, who isn't already allowed. We're really not cold, heartless, and elitist at all.)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
It's not an admission of weakness.
A very unfortunate thing happened today. A friend was going to bring her car to Thak for some repairs, but in the meantime, her husband decided he would just rip it apart himself. Now the car is completely messed up, and will probably cost a lot more to fix than if he'd just gone along with her bringing it here, and getting the (relatively simple) job done right the first time.
I see this a remarkable amount. A friend says, "Oh wow! Your husband is a mechanic? My car is messed up. When can he check it out?" only to be told by their husband that there is NO WAY they're going to bring that car here, he'll handle it himself. At which point, of course, he makes a giant mess of it at least 80% of the time. (The other 20% of the time, the threat of paying someone to do the job was just what was needed to light a fire under some guy who could do the job but was just procrastinating.)
Here's the thing. I have to tell you, it's not an admission of weakness to take your car to a mechanic if you need to. Thak has gone to school for this. He's about to have a degree in it! He holds as much national licensing as the people who work on your car at the dealership (actually, he has more than a lot of them). He's a professional in his trade. It's not like by taking the car to him, it's admitting that Anna's husband is more of a man than someone else. This is his job, one which he's studied for, and taken years to learn. He doesn't know your job. He knows this one.
Look at it this way. When Thak needs something non-mechanical done, he goes to the professional who has trained in that area, and gets it done. If he's sick or hurt, he sees a doctor (or a PA, more commonly). If we have plumbing issues in our house, we call a plumber. For our kid's education, we consult her teachers. The fact is, everyone has an area of expertise, and it's nothing negative if you go to those people when you need something done that they've spent years of their life learning how to do.
I see this a remarkable amount. A friend says, "Oh wow! Your husband is a mechanic? My car is messed up. When can he check it out?" only to be told by their husband that there is NO WAY they're going to bring that car here, he'll handle it himself. At which point, of course, he makes a giant mess of it at least 80% of the time. (The other 20% of the time, the threat of paying someone to do the job was just what was needed to light a fire under some guy who could do the job but was just procrastinating.)
Here's the thing. I have to tell you, it's not an admission of weakness to take your car to a mechanic if you need to. Thak has gone to school for this. He's about to have a degree in it! He holds as much national licensing as the people who work on your car at the dealership (actually, he has more than a lot of them). He's a professional in his trade. It's not like by taking the car to him, it's admitting that Anna's husband is more of a man than someone else. This is his job, one which he's studied for, and taken years to learn. He doesn't know your job. He knows this one.
Look at it this way. When Thak needs something non-mechanical done, he goes to the professional who has trained in that area, and gets it done. If he's sick or hurt, he sees a doctor (or a PA, more commonly). If we have plumbing issues in our house, we call a plumber. For our kid's education, we consult her teachers. The fact is, everyone has an area of expertise, and it's nothing negative if you go to those people when you need something done that they've spent years of their life learning how to do.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
The moral of the cloth diapering story is this:
One more thing for tonight (because I'm REALLY procrastinating on cleaning all Thak's crap off the table so this house looks semi-presentable when my friend comes tomorrow to have her brakes done).
In every single cloth diapering group I've ever been in online, and every time I've been around people who have read any given cloth diapering group online, I hear the same refrains over and over and over again, and they all sound the same to me, "Make more work for yourself" "Complicate it as much as you can". That's what I hear. So here, I'm going to throw you all a bone. This is what I say after exclusively cloth diapering my son from birth to potty:
1) You can put your diapers in the dryer. It won't kill them. Anyone who says they never do it is lying. Anyone who has a horror story about what it did to their diapers probably did more than machine dry them.
2) Bleach won't hurt them either. Don't use much, just 1/4 cup or so. It brightens them nicely, and kills bacteria. Do an extra rinse if you're worried about it irritating your baby's skin. Bleach isn't bad for cloth diapers.
3) Dreft really is evil shit. Believe that one.
4) It really doesn't matter what way you fold your prefolds. A well fitting cover is the most important thing.
5) Anyone who adamantly insists that velcro is better than snaps has never cloth diapered a toddler.
6) The expensive diapers really do hold up better than the cheap ones. I'm not saying it's wrong to buy cheap diapers, but if you're planning on using them for more than one baby, make the initial investment and save yourself the trouble down the road.
7) Some stains just don't sun out. This is particularly true of synthetic fibers. Natural fibers are far more forgiving. Keep this in mind if you plan to resell your diapers at any point in time.
8) You really don't need a diaper sprayer. I did it for over two years without one. I couldn't justify the expense.
9) To be honest, I only buy Rockin Green because it smells good. Country Save is 1/3 the price, and works just as well.
10) Be as elaborate as you want with your clean diaper storage system. Give it a year and you'll be storing them in the laundry basket just like the rest of us. There's no shame in it.
In every single cloth diapering group I've ever been in online, and every time I've been around people who have read any given cloth diapering group online, I hear the same refrains over and over and over again, and they all sound the same to me, "Make more work for yourself" "Complicate it as much as you can". That's what I hear. So here, I'm going to throw you all a bone. This is what I say after exclusively cloth diapering my son from birth to potty:
1) You can put your diapers in the dryer. It won't kill them. Anyone who says they never do it is lying. Anyone who has a horror story about what it did to their diapers probably did more than machine dry them.
2) Bleach won't hurt them either. Don't use much, just 1/4 cup or so. It brightens them nicely, and kills bacteria. Do an extra rinse if you're worried about it irritating your baby's skin. Bleach isn't bad for cloth diapers.
3) Dreft really is evil shit. Believe that one.
4) It really doesn't matter what way you fold your prefolds. A well fitting cover is the most important thing.
5) Anyone who adamantly insists that velcro is better than snaps has never cloth diapered a toddler.
6) The expensive diapers really do hold up better than the cheap ones. I'm not saying it's wrong to buy cheap diapers, but if you're planning on using them for more than one baby, make the initial investment and save yourself the trouble down the road.
7) Some stains just don't sun out. This is particularly true of synthetic fibers. Natural fibers are far more forgiving. Keep this in mind if you plan to resell your diapers at any point in time.
8) You really don't need a diaper sprayer. I did it for over two years without one. I couldn't justify the expense.
9) To be honest, I only buy Rockin Green because it smells good. Country Save is 1/3 the price, and works just as well.
10) Be as elaborate as you want with your clean diaper storage system. Give it a year and you'll be storing them in the laundry basket just like the rest of us. There's no shame in it.
Still so much to do
I got a few things done today. I got Erin's outgrown clothes that we're sending to Ft. Bragg all boxed up and ready to go (a certain friend's youngest daughter is going to be a very stylin' little girl come spring time!!) and the rest of the stuff (because you know I only give my friends the very best) is headed for Goodwill tomorrow morning. Erin's clothes are pretty much processed through. I got all the laundry in her room done.... that'll last for a day. She has remarkably few clothes left, but it works for her because they all fit in her drawers more easily now and she can find stuff even though organizational skills totally do not come to her at all. (We've tried to teach her 100 times that pants and skirts go in one drawer, undies and socks in another, shirts in another, jammies in another, ballet stuff in another, and school uniforms in the last one, but she just doesn't get it.) Even though Erin's room is, frankly, a pigsty right now, I'm going to call it good for the moment because I've gotten rid of a TON of stuff out of there, and that was the goal.
Next up, I've got to do Orren's stuff. We're not getting rid of anything of his, just in case this baby is a boy, because then we'd just have to buy again. What we're doing is packing up all his outgrown stuff in tuffboxes. There's a lot more stuff that has just been lingering in his dresser for months, and can totally get packed up in the tuffboxes. That's for tomorrow.
Also hopefully tomorrow, I can get Thak to actually help me a little and get me some boxes, and I will pack up all my clothes that I'm not wearing right now. I honestly could do with packing all my maternity clothes off to the nearest consignment shop since I really need to go up a size, but we can't really go shopping right now, so I have to just stick with it for the time being, and pack up my non-maternity stuff in boxes to go to the new house.
I could probably also pack up most of the decor type of stuff, and at least half the cookware, and more than 3/4 of the stuff in the linen closets, as well as the entire hall closet (my craft stuff). I really need some boxes. There is a lot I can get done if I have some boxes.
What I am NOT doing is going through that garage. That is seriously the worst, and yes, I am procrastinating, but oh well.
Notable things I still have to do:
Find a glass contractor to fix the broken panes of glass in the back door (because really, this landlord will PILLAGE our security deposit over something like that, and I don't know.... I'd kind of like our money back if at all possible).
Find a carpet cleaning service to come and do our bedrooms (and really, I'd like one that cleans microfiber, too so I can get the couch and chair done as well while they're here).
Go through the playroom and figure out what toys stay and what ones go.
Clean the yard.
Put in 30 days notice on the house on Tuesday.
With luck, I can do all that this coming week. We obviously won't have the carpet cleaners come yet since we're still here a few more weeks, but we can at least schedule them to make sure we can get them here when we need them. Hopefully we CAN get the glass contractors here ASAP.
Next up, I've got to do Orren's stuff. We're not getting rid of anything of his, just in case this baby is a boy, because then we'd just have to buy again. What we're doing is packing up all his outgrown stuff in tuffboxes. There's a lot more stuff that has just been lingering in his dresser for months, and can totally get packed up in the tuffboxes. That's for tomorrow.
Also hopefully tomorrow, I can get Thak to actually help me a little and get me some boxes, and I will pack up all my clothes that I'm not wearing right now. I honestly could do with packing all my maternity clothes off to the nearest consignment shop since I really need to go up a size, but we can't really go shopping right now, so I have to just stick with it for the time being, and pack up my non-maternity stuff in boxes to go to the new house.
I could probably also pack up most of the decor type of stuff, and at least half the cookware, and more than 3/4 of the stuff in the linen closets, as well as the entire hall closet (my craft stuff). I really need some boxes. There is a lot I can get done if I have some boxes.
What I am NOT doing is going through that garage. That is seriously the worst, and yes, I am procrastinating, but oh well.
Notable things I still have to do:
Find a glass contractor to fix the broken panes of glass in the back door (because really, this landlord will PILLAGE our security deposit over something like that, and I don't know.... I'd kind of like our money back if at all possible).
Find a carpet cleaning service to come and do our bedrooms (and really, I'd like one that cleans microfiber, too so I can get the couch and chair done as well while they're here).
Go through the playroom and figure out what toys stay and what ones go.
Clean the yard.
Put in 30 days notice on the house on Tuesday.
With luck, I can do all that this coming week. We obviously won't have the carpet cleaners come yet since we're still here a few more weeks, but we can at least schedule them to make sure we can get them here when we need them. Hopefully we CAN get the glass contractors here ASAP.
She grew!
One of the first things I have done to get ready for our move is to go through Erin's room (aka The Black Hole) and get out all her outgrown clothes to give away. I have to wash up all the summer ones and get them ready to send to a friend at Ft. Bragg for his daughter, and the rest, I'll probably haul to Goodwill since it's like a block from my house. I had no idea how MUCH she'd outgrown, though. She seriously has almost nothing left that fits. We're going to have to do a massive shopping trip for her after the move.
I haven't even made it through half her clothes yet, and I have this HUGE pile of them that have to go. She has like two dresses that she'll keep a little longer, and some shorts and t-shirts that still fit. She has one pair of jeans that still fits. Thank goodness the weather is warming up! Thankfully, we can still get a couple more weeks out of her school uniforms, but we need to replace those, too. She's outgrown them, well, really her shirts. They're just too short. If she wears a skirt instead of a jumper, her shirt won't stay tucked in anymore. Everything fits her fine around, but she's outgrown it all by height.
So yeah, it looks like Erin will be packing light, but on the positive side, will get a new wardrobe to go with her new house!! And thank you Uncle Tom and Uncle Rob for the many Target gift cards given to the kids over the course of the year. I knew there was a reason we never got around to using them before this. Erin will be fabulous in her new clothes! Then again, when is Erin NOT fabulous?
I haven't even made it through half her clothes yet, and I have this HUGE pile of them that have to go. She has like two dresses that she'll keep a little longer, and some shorts and t-shirts that still fit. She has one pair of jeans that still fits. Thank goodness the weather is warming up! Thankfully, we can still get a couple more weeks out of her school uniforms, but we need to replace those, too. She's outgrown them, well, really her shirts. They're just too short. If she wears a skirt instead of a jumper, her shirt won't stay tucked in anymore. Everything fits her fine around, but she's outgrown it all by height.
So yeah, it looks like Erin will be packing light, but on the positive side, will get a new wardrobe to go with her new house!! And thank you Uncle Tom and Uncle Rob for the many Target gift cards given to the kids over the course of the year. I knew there was a reason we never got around to using them before this. Erin will be fabulous in her new clothes! Then again, when is Erin NOT fabulous?
Friday, February 25, 2011
Not out of the woods yet, but close.
I didn't say anything about this before, but on Monday (yes, a full 48 hours before our landlord jacked up the rent) we met with a home builder who was recommended to us by several other NCO's in Thak's unit. We went in really not expecting to be able to afford anything, and of the model homes we saw, there's no way we could have, but there was another house, already built, just down the street from the models, and it was in our price range. It's small, and very basic, but it does what we need it to do. There are three bedrooms, two baths, and a large garage. (A 2 car garage is a must for us these days since Thak needs space to work on cars and to keep tools.) The yard is a lot smaller than ours now, but it's a corner lot, and it'll work for us. Erin doesn't like it much. She hates that the yard is small and there's no playroom. I figure she'll get used to it. The rest of us like it quite well.
We met with the builder again today, and went over our mortgage documents. There are a few things they need still from Thak, and some of them are easy while others aren't, but we're going to be able to move in when we leave here. We may end up leasing the house for a month before we close on it, but one way or another, we're getting this house. We know where Chaiyo/Sirikit will be born. I explained the situation with the landlord, just in passing, and the builder said he would totally work with us. We were really grateful for that. At least we know where we're going.
There is still a lot to do. We have to get this house ready to move out of. We have to get rid of a lot of stuff because our new house is a lot smaller than our current house. On Tuesday, we have to submit written notice to our landlord that we are moving, and pay the last month of rent we hopefully will ever pay in our lives (ok, maybe we'll pay one more month of rent, but it'll be to our builder while we wait to close on the house. Somehow, that's not as painful as paying a shit load of money for a house we will never own.) I still have to get boxes, and pack this place, and have the biggest yard sale this side of Mexico, but at least we know where we're going.
It is great that we'll finally be able to paint walls, and make modifications as we see fit, and I'm sure Erin will like the tiny backyard a lot better with a playhouse. We can get one. We won't have to get anyone's permission to do it either. That's great. There are still a few details to work out, mostly it has to do with Thak getting out of the Army so soon, but we'll get it done. We always do. I am so happy to know where we're going, to know what house this baby will be born in, and where we'll be living in a few weeks. It's in the northeast, which is a part of town I never ever thought I'd live in, but it's a new neighborhood, and really nice. It's really convenient to post, too, so when we move, we'll easily be able to lease the house to another soldier. It's an advantageous location, and it was meant to be. We were on pins and needles waiting to hear back from the builder and mortgage company, but we heard from them today, and now we are far less up in the air. Now we just have to do it.
We met with the builder again today, and went over our mortgage documents. There are a few things they need still from Thak, and some of them are easy while others aren't, but we're going to be able to move in when we leave here. We may end up leasing the house for a month before we close on it, but one way or another, we're getting this house. We know where Chaiyo/Sirikit will be born. I explained the situation with the landlord, just in passing, and the builder said he would totally work with us. We were really grateful for that. At least we know where we're going.
There is still a lot to do. We have to get this house ready to move out of. We have to get rid of a lot of stuff because our new house is a lot smaller than our current house. On Tuesday, we have to submit written notice to our landlord that we are moving, and pay the last month of rent we hopefully will ever pay in our lives (ok, maybe we'll pay one more month of rent, but it'll be to our builder while we wait to close on the house. Somehow, that's not as painful as paying a shit load of money for a house we will never own.) I still have to get boxes, and pack this place, and have the biggest yard sale this side of Mexico, but at least we know where we're going.
It is great that we'll finally be able to paint walls, and make modifications as we see fit, and I'm sure Erin will like the tiny backyard a lot better with a playhouse. We can get one. We won't have to get anyone's permission to do it either. That's great. There are still a few details to work out, mostly it has to do with Thak getting out of the Army so soon, but we'll get it done. We always do. I am so happy to know where we're going, to know what house this baby will be born in, and where we'll be living in a few weeks. It's in the northeast, which is a part of town I never ever thought I'd live in, but it's a new neighborhood, and really nice. It's really convenient to post, too, so when we move, we'll easily be able to lease the house to another soldier. It's an advantageous location, and it was meant to be. We were on pins and needles waiting to hear back from the builder and mortgage company, but we heard from them today, and now we are far less up in the air. Now we just have to do it.
Just an FYI
Let's look at what I have going on right now:
1) Orren JUST potty trained, meaning that he basically wants to live in the bathroom, and hasn't figured out that he can go on his own yet. He's accident-free basically, but this is still very time consuming. Additionally, he's going through an EXTREMELY fussy phase.
2) We just found out we have to move. We're working on something, but the situation is not entirely sorted out yet, nor will it be for a little while. The bottom line is that while we know what our first choice is, we really don't know for sure at this point where we'll be living in a few weeks.
3) Erin has been AWFUL lately, and that's just outstanding timing since as we speak, we're going through the application process for next school year, and just really hoping that all the bad things she's done won't get us a big fat rejection letter. What has Erin done? First of all, told her teacher she bathes once a week, which is so not true. Additionally, she lied to me and Thak that she didn't have homework, and then told her teacher that her brother ate it. Then just yesterday, she wore one of MY shirts under her jumper, a shirt that had a phrase on it entirely inappropriate for a kid, and yes, it was partially visible. She was wearing a jacket when we dropped her off, which is how we didn't notice until she went through an entire school day like that. Erin is on a mission to make me and Thak look like the worst parents on the planet.
4) Oh yeah, my husband is getting out of the Army in a few weeks. That's not a big deal or anything....
5) Still planning that homebirth for probably June.
So, please tell me why I should drop everything to answer ten million stupid bullshit questions about cloth diaper laundry from people who are probably mentally competent enough to GOOGLE IT?? Somehow, I managed to cloth diaper for two years and some change, and never once totally drive anybody nuts with questions about it. Why? Because I know how to use Google. It's shocking how much information you can find there.
1) Orren JUST potty trained, meaning that he basically wants to live in the bathroom, and hasn't figured out that he can go on his own yet. He's accident-free basically, but this is still very time consuming. Additionally, he's going through an EXTREMELY fussy phase.
2) We just found out we have to move. We're working on something, but the situation is not entirely sorted out yet, nor will it be for a little while. The bottom line is that while we know what our first choice is, we really don't know for sure at this point where we'll be living in a few weeks.
3) Erin has been AWFUL lately, and that's just outstanding timing since as we speak, we're going through the application process for next school year, and just really hoping that all the bad things she's done won't get us a big fat rejection letter. What has Erin done? First of all, told her teacher she bathes once a week, which is so not true. Additionally, she lied to me and Thak that she didn't have homework, and then told her teacher that her brother ate it. Then just yesterday, she wore one of MY shirts under her jumper, a shirt that had a phrase on it entirely inappropriate for a kid, and yes, it was partially visible. She was wearing a jacket when we dropped her off, which is how we didn't notice until she went through an entire school day like that. Erin is on a mission to make me and Thak look like the worst parents on the planet.
4) Oh yeah, my husband is getting out of the Army in a few weeks. That's not a big deal or anything....
5) Still planning that homebirth for probably June.
So, please tell me why I should drop everything to answer ten million stupid bullshit questions about cloth diaper laundry from people who are probably mentally competent enough to GOOGLE IT?? Somehow, I managed to cloth diaper for two years and some change, and never once totally drive anybody nuts with questions about it. Why? Because I know how to use Google. It's shocking how much information you can find there.
That was a big job, but it's done!
I FINALLY got all the diapers stripped, sunned out, and stored away!! We kept out just half a dozen to use for nights, and the rest are stored for the new baby. This was a big job, and I'm glad it's done.
This isn't my full stash. The Smalls and Mediums are stored separately. These are the Large, X-Large, and One-Size, minus the ones we've kept out for nights:
They pretty much filled up a tuffbox:
I am so glad this job is done!! I am also very proud of how new I got them looking even after 2 years of use. I posted this picture on a cloth diapering group I'm on, and had people wanting to buy them from me!! I was surprised, but flattered. Last week, they didn't look like anything anyone would ever offer money for.
This isn't my full stash. The Smalls and Mediums are stored separately. These are the Large, X-Large, and One-Size, minus the ones we've kept out for nights:
They pretty much filled up a tuffbox:
I am so glad this job is done!! I am also very proud of how new I got them looking even after 2 years of use. I posted this picture on a cloth diapering group I'm on, and had people wanting to buy them from me!! I was surprised, but flattered. Last week, they didn't look like anything anyone would ever offer money for.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Before one more person asks these questions....
No, we will not be able to get the landlord to back down on jacking up the rent. If you think we can, you have obviously never lived off post in El Paso. People do this every single day.
What they did was stupid (NOBODY in their right mind will pay what they're asking for this place) but definitely not illegal. We can't fight them on it, and honestly, with all the problems the house has been having lately, we wouldn't want to.
No, they're not required to give us more notice on it. Again, anyone who thinks they are has obviously never lived off post in El Paso. I really don't give a shit how they do it where you're from. I live in the real world, and the fact is, no matter what they require other places, they CAN and DO do this in El Paso.
Yes, Captain Obvious, I know about the website AHRN.com. How do you think we found this house in the first place?
Yes, we're still doing a homebirth. Moving does not equal homeless. Why would Alyson all of a sudden reject me as a client just because my address changes?
No, this does not change our plans to stay in El Paso for the time being. Erin's school and Thak's job are still here. All that is changing is our address.
No, the Army will not move us. Even if they would, this is on way too short of notice to coordinate that.
No, I'm not getting rid of [insert awesome piece of baby gear I still need here]. I'm moving potentially across town, not to Mars. I can take most of my stuff with me. What we do get rid of will be more in the way of cleaning out the garage of all the old crap that we should have gotten rid of years ago, but Uncle Sam moved for us no question when we came out here.
No, I don't want to sublease your apartment.
It's just crazy. I know people are just trying to help, but seriously, the longer I live, the more I realize I'm not going to say jack to anybody about anything until it's already happened because it's just annoying the things they say. I think it's crazy how people give advice when it's not asked for. If I say, "So we're moving. The landlord jacked up the rent and we don't want to pay that much for this house." that's not the same as, "HOLY SHIT WE'RE MOVING!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Shockingly, in ten years of affiliation with the Army, I've moved a time or two. It's not fun, but it is what it is. If you want to help me, bring me some boxes or something.
What they did was stupid (NOBODY in their right mind will pay what they're asking for this place) but definitely not illegal. We can't fight them on it, and honestly, with all the problems the house has been having lately, we wouldn't want to.
No, they're not required to give us more notice on it. Again, anyone who thinks they are has obviously never lived off post in El Paso. I really don't give a shit how they do it where you're from. I live in the real world, and the fact is, no matter what they require other places, they CAN and DO do this in El Paso.
Yes, Captain Obvious, I know about the website AHRN.com. How do you think we found this house in the first place?
Yes, we're still doing a homebirth. Moving does not equal homeless. Why would Alyson all of a sudden reject me as a client just because my address changes?
No, this does not change our plans to stay in El Paso for the time being. Erin's school and Thak's job are still here. All that is changing is our address.
No, the Army will not move us. Even if they would, this is on way too short of notice to coordinate that.
No, I'm not getting rid of [insert awesome piece of baby gear I still need here]. I'm moving potentially across town, not to Mars. I can take most of my stuff with me. What we do get rid of will be more in the way of cleaning out the garage of all the old crap that we should have gotten rid of years ago, but Uncle Sam moved for us no question when we came out here.
No, I don't want to sublease your apartment.
It's just crazy. I know people are just trying to help, but seriously, the longer I live, the more I realize I'm not going to say jack to anybody about anything until it's already happened because it's just annoying the things they say. I think it's crazy how people give advice when it's not asked for. If I say, "So we're moving. The landlord jacked up the rent and we don't want to pay that much for this house." that's not the same as, "HOLY SHIT WE'RE MOVING!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Shockingly, in ten years of affiliation with the Army, I've moved a time or two. It's not fun, but it is what it is. If you want to help me, bring me some boxes or something.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
We're moving.
Nope, not leaving El Paso, but we're moving. The landlord just stopped by with notice that the rent is going up by $120 a month. With the way this place eats utilities, it's not worth that. If it were energy-efficient, the new price would be fine, but with the $300 water bills in the summer, and the $200 gas bills in the winter, we can't afford to pitch another $120 the landlord's way.
We don't know where we're moving yet. I'm honestly just glad they did this now while Thak is still in the Army, because our current income is enough to get pretty much any place in the city. When he's first out, we'll have this massive pay cut for a couple months, and would be hard pressed to get anyone to even lease us an apartment in the ghetto with those pay stubs, so the timing, while it's never going to be awesome, could definitely have been a lot worse. We also have a lot of people ready to help us move. I'm going to be getting rid of a lot of stuff in the next couple weeks because the Army's not moving our stuff this time, so excess is just more to lug across town, or wherever we end up.
Our options are either give our 30 day notice that we're moving, and that will have to be in by March 1, or renew our lease on April 1 when the rent increases. We can't stay here at that price for a full year that renewing our lease would lock us into, so we have to move. We will submit our notice on March 1, and be out by April 1. We don't know where we're going, but we're going somewhere.... hopefully somewhere with at least 3 bedrooms, and a garage for Thak to work on other people's cars in (because really, he makes quite a bit of money that way), and not ridiculously far from Erin's school, and comfortable enough to have a baby in. We'll see what we can find. We will find something.
The one thing I know about us is that we always find a way. It's what me and Thak do best. This will be no exception. We will find a way because that is how we roll.
We don't know where we're moving yet. I'm honestly just glad they did this now while Thak is still in the Army, because our current income is enough to get pretty much any place in the city. When he's first out, we'll have this massive pay cut for a couple months, and would be hard pressed to get anyone to even lease us an apartment in the ghetto with those pay stubs, so the timing, while it's never going to be awesome, could definitely have been a lot worse. We also have a lot of people ready to help us move. I'm going to be getting rid of a lot of stuff in the next couple weeks because the Army's not moving our stuff this time, so excess is just more to lug across town, or wherever we end up.
Our options are either give our 30 day notice that we're moving, and that will have to be in by March 1, or renew our lease on April 1 when the rent increases. We can't stay here at that price for a full year that renewing our lease would lock us into, so we have to move. We will submit our notice on March 1, and be out by April 1. We don't know where we're going, but we're going somewhere.... hopefully somewhere with at least 3 bedrooms, and a garage for Thak to work on other people's cars in (because really, he makes quite a bit of money that way), and not ridiculously far from Erin's school, and comfortable enough to have a baby in. We'll see what we can find. We will find something.
The one thing I know about us is that we always find a way. It's what me and Thak do best. This will be no exception. We will find a way because that is how we roll.
No, in fact, that really doesn't sound good to me.
I've noticed something. Whenever it comes up in conversation that I'm not the hospital birthing type (and when you're extremely pregnant, this comes up in conversation A LOT) people have a knee jerk reaction to tell me how great their hospital births were. Why the hell do they do that? It's so weird. It's not like I travel the community telling people to homebirth. That's something that's either in you or not in you, and if it's not, I cannot put it there, nor can anyone else. If someone is hating everything about the hospital experience, and seems to have similar priorities to mine, I often give them the number to one of our local birth centers, and tell them to call Alyson, who will discuss home and birth center options with them (since she practices in both settings, she is a really great resource for people), but that's only if THEY seem the type of person who would genuinely want that. If they think they're getting what they want at the local hospital, I may not understand, but I go with it. It's them, not me.
Unfortunately, I don't find the same courtesy when I say anything about planning my homebirth for this summer. I no sooner get the words out of my mouth than whoever I'm talking to tells me how AWESOME their hospital births were, and how they just loved it, and then they tell me their entire god-awful birth story from start to finish, as if that'll prove how great it was! In reality, it makes me cringe, and further solidifies my stance that hospital birth is an absolute last resort, and that if I set foot in a hospital while in labor, it is because I will literally DIE if I don't. Even what people consider good hospital births are not anything I would ever want to set myself up for. There are IV's, and monitors, and policies stating what you can eat (usually nothing), where you can go, and you'll have nurses you've never met in your life sticking their hands where the sun don't shine. That's really not my idea of a good time. In fact, if there is such a thing as hell, and if Satan is as rotten as people think he is, and I should somehow end up there, I'm guessing my punishment will be to endure the American obstetrical system, complete with hospital birth, for all eternity. That's how far opposite it is of anything I would ever consider good. The fact that some people consider these awful births good, floors me, but I don't tell them they shouldn't. I mean, if you never had a good birth, how would you know how screwed you got with the one(s) you had?
So no, I don't care how nice you think your hospital birth was. I don't think it's nice, which is why I'm not doing that. I didn't realize that homebirthing would qualify me as the sounding board for everyone's horrible birth stories, and that people would constantly try to convince me of how nice hospital birth can be. Hospital birth is NOT nice. Have you ever read the policies they have? Why would I ever subject myself to that voluntarily? Hospital birth is the pits. If you want to think it's nice, that's great, but really, trying to get me on board with that is rather pointless, and honestly, a little rude. After Orren's awesome birth, the prospect of laboring anywhere other than home, or having someone tell me what to do, or stick an IV in me, or make me sit with a monitor for x amount of time, or try to give me internal exams, or any of this other stuff that's considered very standard, cannot be considered nice by any stretch of the imagination. It's hell, and I want no part. As a friend, and fellow homebirth mom said, "I think, therefore I homebirth."
Unfortunately, I don't find the same courtesy when I say anything about planning my homebirth for this summer. I no sooner get the words out of my mouth than whoever I'm talking to tells me how AWESOME their hospital births were, and how they just loved it, and then they tell me their entire god-awful birth story from start to finish, as if that'll prove how great it was! In reality, it makes me cringe, and further solidifies my stance that hospital birth is an absolute last resort, and that if I set foot in a hospital while in labor, it is because I will literally DIE if I don't. Even what people consider good hospital births are not anything I would ever want to set myself up for. There are IV's, and monitors, and policies stating what you can eat (usually nothing), where you can go, and you'll have nurses you've never met in your life sticking their hands where the sun don't shine. That's really not my idea of a good time. In fact, if there is such a thing as hell, and if Satan is as rotten as people think he is, and I should somehow end up there, I'm guessing my punishment will be to endure the American obstetrical system, complete with hospital birth, for all eternity. That's how far opposite it is of anything I would ever consider good. The fact that some people consider these awful births good, floors me, but I don't tell them they shouldn't. I mean, if you never had a good birth, how would you know how screwed you got with the one(s) you had?
So no, I don't care how nice you think your hospital birth was. I don't think it's nice, which is why I'm not doing that. I didn't realize that homebirthing would qualify me as the sounding board for everyone's horrible birth stories, and that people would constantly try to convince me of how nice hospital birth can be. Hospital birth is NOT nice. Have you ever read the policies they have? Why would I ever subject myself to that voluntarily? Hospital birth is the pits. If you want to think it's nice, that's great, but really, trying to get me on board with that is rather pointless, and honestly, a little rude. After Orren's awesome birth, the prospect of laboring anywhere other than home, or having someone tell me what to do, or stick an IV in me, or make me sit with a monitor for x amount of time, or try to give me internal exams, or any of this other stuff that's considered very standard, cannot be considered nice by any stretch of the imagination. It's hell, and I want no part. As a friend, and fellow homebirth mom said, "I think, therefore I homebirth."
Yes she is picky. No we didn't do anything to deserve this.
People are assholes, you know. Apparently those of us who have kids who just won't eat, did something to deserve that. I've been told to "stay out of the junk food aisles", "stop feeding her prepackaged crap", and that if I offered her healthy food, she'd eat it, because after all, that works for everyone else's kids. Now, I don't doubt for half a second that it works for everyone else's kids. Hell, it works for Orren! As for the other two BS suggestions, I seriously wonder if these people even know who they're talking to. Thak's single biggest complaint in our marriage is that I don't keep "snacks" in the house. (Apparently his parents used to buy chips, and cookies, and stuff like that at the commissary and have a whole cabinet full of them. I would never do that. Keeping that stuff in the house is a recipe for disaster.) I also don't buy prepackaged foods. Have you ever seen the price of that stuff? Who pays that?! No, we eat pretty well. Erin just won't have anything to do with it. It's not because we haven't tried. It's not because she's spoiled. Contrary to society's belief, we didn't do anything to deserve any of the things we deal with courtesy of her. (Hey, this is kind of like the school principal blaming us for her learning disability!)
I'm also really sick of the Captain Obvious advice everyone gives us when they find out what she's like. Don't you think, in seven years, that we've tried pretty much everything imaginable? None of it works. Yes, even that thing that worked miracles for your best friend's cousin's nephew's dog walker's best buddy's son. Shockingly, we tried it, and just like everything else, it didn't work.
Then there's the other end of the spectrum, the people who say she's got to eat SOMETHING, and that if she doesn't eat her food, and we don't get her something else, it's abuse. Sorry, but a 7-year-old choosing not to eat the food that's placed in front of her, is not the same as a child who has been denied food. It's not bad food. Her brother probably ate three plates of it. That's probably why he's as big at 2 as she was at 4.
Erin is home from school today because she refused to eat yesterday and has made herself sick. She ate a waffle and a banana for breakfast. Then for lunch, she refused to eat the chicken she had asked for, instead choosing to eat only her tomato, kiwi, and cookie. Then she refused to eat even a bite at dinner. So basically, she ate next to nothing yesterday, and today she's sick, and couldn't go to school. Honestly, if I thought I could get away with it, I'd send her to school like this, and hope she put two and two together on this at some point that when she eats, she feels better, but I would be the one on the receiving end of the ass chewing for sending my kid to school sick, so I let her stay home. She's still asleep. My guess, she'll wake up any minute, dry heave for a while, then eat a banana, feel better, and ask if she can play outside. (Nope. She's going to clean that disaster she calls a room.) Honestly, I can't wait until she's old enough that it's widely accepted that she's largely accountable for her own actions. When she reaches that age, if she's still doing this, she WILL go to school. Choosing not to eat is not a way to get free days off.
I'm also really sick of the Captain Obvious advice everyone gives us when they find out what she's like. Don't you think, in seven years, that we've tried pretty much everything imaginable? None of it works. Yes, even that thing that worked miracles for your best friend's cousin's nephew's dog walker's best buddy's son. Shockingly, we tried it, and just like everything else, it didn't work.
Then there's the other end of the spectrum, the people who say she's got to eat SOMETHING, and that if she doesn't eat her food, and we don't get her something else, it's abuse. Sorry, but a 7-year-old choosing not to eat the food that's placed in front of her, is not the same as a child who has been denied food. It's not bad food. Her brother probably ate three plates of it. That's probably why he's as big at 2 as she was at 4.
Erin is home from school today because she refused to eat yesterday and has made herself sick. She ate a waffle and a banana for breakfast. Then for lunch, she refused to eat the chicken she had asked for, instead choosing to eat only her tomato, kiwi, and cookie. Then she refused to eat even a bite at dinner. So basically, she ate next to nothing yesterday, and today she's sick, and couldn't go to school. Honestly, if I thought I could get away with it, I'd send her to school like this, and hope she put two and two together on this at some point that when she eats, she feels better, but I would be the one on the receiving end of the ass chewing for sending my kid to school sick, so I let her stay home. She's still asleep. My guess, she'll wake up any minute, dry heave for a while, then eat a banana, feel better, and ask if she can play outside. (Nope. She's going to clean that disaster she calls a room.) Honestly, I can't wait until she's old enough that it's widely accepted that she's largely accountable for her own actions. When she reaches that age, if she's still doing this, she WILL go to school. Choosing not to eat is not a way to get free days off.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
That's not fair!
This one girl who I've come to know over the past few months she's been at this post, totally floored me today with a comment she made. Her husband has to go out to the field for some very important qualifications and training, and did so on extremely short notice. In describing this to me, she said, "That's just not fair that they had so little notice!" That blew me away.
Was it fair? Well, no. I thought of it, and honestly, next to nothing in the Army is fair. The only factors they're not allowed to discriminate on are race and religion. Everything else, the Army can openly and loudly discriminate against soldiers based upon. There are whole career fields not open to female soldiers. Even within the fields that are open to female soldiers, many have a pretty thick glass ceiling that nobody's managed to even chip yet. Beyond gender, get fat and see if you ever get promoted. Be suspected of being gay, and watch doors close (yes, don't ask don't tell is mostly gone, but it's not to the point of good yet).
Even for straight white male soldiers who meet their height/weight standard, the Army is about the least fair thing anyone could ever ask to be a part of. It's true for EVERY soldier. It starts on day 1 of Basic. Some poor sucker gets stuck carrying a machine gun when the rest of his/her squad has rifles. I qualified as a machine gunner and a riflewoman, and let me tell you from personal experience that a rifle weighs about 1/4 as much as even what they consider a LIGHT machine gun. Then if your Drill Sergeants are really sadistic like mine were, whenever someone flunks out, their stuff doesn't go away. Their battle buddy just has to carry it around for the rest of Basic. I can tell you from experience, that isn't fun. Oh, and you don't get to pick your battle buddy. In just about every company I've ever seen, they're assigned alphabetically, so basically, you could end up with last year's high school All American athlete of some variety, or you could end up with the fat kid who only joined because his/her dad told him/her to. You didn't choose your last name and neither did they, so it's completely luck of the draw. It's damned sure not fair.
When you finish training, orders come out. This isn't fair either. Sometimes single people go to very family-friendly assignments like Ft. Belvoir, or Germany, or Ft. Richardson, or even Hawaii. Sometimes married people get sent unaccompanied to Korea. Some people will get non-deploying assignments, and stay home for their entire enlistments. Others will deploy within weeks of graduation. Some people get assignments they love (I got Ft. Hood), others get assignments that are widely considered the armpit of the Army (Thak got Ft. Riley for his first Active Duty assignment). There are only two things guaranteed. Everyone gets an assignment, and it definitely isn't fair who gets what.
Then in today's Army, someday you deploy in most cases. Maybe it's a year from your training graduation. Maybe it's a week. Maybe you never do. Most people deploy, though. When you get there, you'll notice that some people get put on these really big bases all over whatever shitohle of a middle eastern country they send you to. They have all kinds of stuff to do, celebrities come visit them, they can even buy their own custom made Harley Davidson right on the base (it'll be waiting for them when they get home). Their communications are so good they get reliable internet in their room, so great that everyone can stream video all at the same time if they wanted. The phone centers are huge, but nobody needs that anyhow since there's so much availability of cell phones, and it's so safe that the commander actually lets his/her soldiers get them! Then there's the other people. They get stuck in places so remote the only married guy in the squad has to beg his wife to supply seven guys with toothpaste, soap, and cigarettes for a year because there's nowhere to buy any within 100 miles, where there's really no communication beyond a satellite phone that's always broken, where the mail comes in maybe once a month.... Then there is a lot in between. Only two things are for sure. Everyone goes where Uncle Sam needs them, and it's DEFINITELY not fair.
Beyond that, there's the thing everyone thinks about when they think about deployments. I will just say, there is nothing fair about the Casualty Notification Officer's job. He/she doesn't pick and choose. The bombs that send him/her to some unsuspecting family's doorstep don't pick and choose. War doesn't pick and choose. Some people die. It completely fucking blows, and it's not fair. Why did that Staff Sergeant die just weeks before he would have come home and met his newborn daughter for the first time? Why did one of the best NCO's I ever met get killed by a roadside bomb last year, while countless people who have done so much less come home unscathed? Why did that sniper choose the Lieutenant who had left behind a wife pregnant with twins, and spare the bachelor Captain next to him? Simple answer: Because that is what war does, it makes zero sense, it is THE single ugliest thing in human comprehension, and it is not fair.
What's more, even the ones who do come home aren't dealt fair hands. One of my friends from Ft. Stewart didn't lose her husband when a roadside bomb exploded under his humvee. She did, however, spend months in Walter Reed with him. That story ends well. He kept both legs, walked again, and was medically retired at a high disability percentage (lots of money) a year later. What about the ones who don't end that well? They're everywhere, missing limbs, having nightmares all the time, heavily medicated, brain injured.... These are soldiers, too. They just aren't the lucky ones. They enlisted just like me, or Thak, or any other soldier. We were just luckier is all.
Every person who joins the Army, whether by enlistment or commissioning, has written the same blank check to Uncle Sam. We all took an oath to do whatever our country needed us to do, even if it cost us life, limb, or whatever else. We all took the same oath. Uncle Sam asked something of each of us, but it wasn't the same thing of everyone. It never has been. Any old vet can tell you that. If you want fair, the Army's probably not your place.
Was it fair? Well, no. I thought of it, and honestly, next to nothing in the Army is fair. The only factors they're not allowed to discriminate on are race and religion. Everything else, the Army can openly and loudly discriminate against soldiers based upon. There are whole career fields not open to female soldiers. Even within the fields that are open to female soldiers, many have a pretty thick glass ceiling that nobody's managed to even chip yet. Beyond gender, get fat and see if you ever get promoted. Be suspected of being gay, and watch doors close (yes, don't ask don't tell is mostly gone, but it's not to the point of good yet).
Even for straight white male soldiers who meet their height/weight standard, the Army is about the least fair thing anyone could ever ask to be a part of. It's true for EVERY soldier. It starts on day 1 of Basic. Some poor sucker gets stuck carrying a machine gun when the rest of his/her squad has rifles. I qualified as a machine gunner and a riflewoman, and let me tell you from personal experience that a rifle weighs about 1/4 as much as even what they consider a LIGHT machine gun. Then if your Drill Sergeants are really sadistic like mine were, whenever someone flunks out, their stuff doesn't go away. Their battle buddy just has to carry it around for the rest of Basic. I can tell you from experience, that isn't fun. Oh, and you don't get to pick your battle buddy. In just about every company I've ever seen, they're assigned alphabetically, so basically, you could end up with last year's high school All American athlete of some variety, or you could end up with the fat kid who only joined because his/her dad told him/her to. You didn't choose your last name and neither did they, so it's completely luck of the draw. It's damned sure not fair.
When you finish training, orders come out. This isn't fair either. Sometimes single people go to very family-friendly assignments like Ft. Belvoir, or Germany, or Ft. Richardson, or even Hawaii. Sometimes married people get sent unaccompanied to Korea. Some people will get non-deploying assignments, and stay home for their entire enlistments. Others will deploy within weeks of graduation. Some people get assignments they love (I got Ft. Hood), others get assignments that are widely considered the armpit of the Army (Thak got Ft. Riley for his first Active Duty assignment). There are only two things guaranteed. Everyone gets an assignment, and it definitely isn't fair who gets what.
Then in today's Army, someday you deploy in most cases. Maybe it's a year from your training graduation. Maybe it's a week. Maybe you never do. Most people deploy, though. When you get there, you'll notice that some people get put on these really big bases all over whatever shitohle of a middle eastern country they send you to. They have all kinds of stuff to do, celebrities come visit them, they can even buy their own custom made Harley Davidson right on the base (it'll be waiting for them when they get home). Their communications are so good they get reliable internet in their room, so great that everyone can stream video all at the same time if they wanted. The phone centers are huge, but nobody needs that anyhow since there's so much availability of cell phones, and it's so safe that the commander actually lets his/her soldiers get them! Then there's the other people. They get stuck in places so remote the only married guy in the squad has to beg his wife to supply seven guys with toothpaste, soap, and cigarettes for a year because there's nowhere to buy any within 100 miles, where there's really no communication beyond a satellite phone that's always broken, where the mail comes in maybe once a month.... Then there is a lot in between. Only two things are for sure. Everyone goes where Uncle Sam needs them, and it's DEFINITELY not fair.
Beyond that, there's the thing everyone thinks about when they think about deployments. I will just say, there is nothing fair about the Casualty Notification Officer's job. He/she doesn't pick and choose. The bombs that send him/her to some unsuspecting family's doorstep don't pick and choose. War doesn't pick and choose. Some people die. It completely fucking blows, and it's not fair. Why did that Staff Sergeant die just weeks before he would have come home and met his newborn daughter for the first time? Why did one of the best NCO's I ever met get killed by a roadside bomb last year, while countless people who have done so much less come home unscathed? Why did that sniper choose the Lieutenant who had left behind a wife pregnant with twins, and spare the bachelor Captain next to him? Simple answer: Because that is what war does, it makes zero sense, it is THE single ugliest thing in human comprehension, and it is not fair.
What's more, even the ones who do come home aren't dealt fair hands. One of my friends from Ft. Stewart didn't lose her husband when a roadside bomb exploded under his humvee. She did, however, spend months in Walter Reed with him. That story ends well. He kept both legs, walked again, and was medically retired at a high disability percentage (lots of money) a year later. What about the ones who don't end that well? They're everywhere, missing limbs, having nightmares all the time, heavily medicated, brain injured.... These are soldiers, too. They just aren't the lucky ones. They enlisted just like me, or Thak, or any other soldier. We were just luckier is all.
Every person who joins the Army, whether by enlistment or commissioning, has written the same blank check to Uncle Sam. We all took an oath to do whatever our country needed us to do, even if it cost us life, limb, or whatever else. We all took the same oath. Uncle Sam asked something of each of us, but it wasn't the same thing of everyone. It never has been. Any old vet can tell you that. If you want fair, the Army's probably not your place.
Getting them ready for the next one.
For the past couple days, amid a million trips with Orren to the potty, helping wash ten tons of disgusting Army gear for turn in, and trying to make sure a certain little girl doesn't feel all neglected, I have been getting ready to store away Orren's diapers until summer, when the new baby joins us.
Now, some people say anything over a couple dozen diapers is extravagance. I say these people have never made a cross country move with a cloth diapered baby, and they probably haven't been cloth diapering long enough for their baby to grow out of much of anything. My stash of cloth diapers, I haven't counted in a while, but it's in the triple digits. Don't worry, that's not nearly as expensive as it sounds. The majority are prefolds. I've been boiling, and stripping the diapers with dish soap, and sunning out stains, and just getting them into the best shape I can so they can be as nice as possible for the new baby. Doing all that to this many diapers is work, though!
The good thing is that at least there are no sandstorms today. That would be about the only thing that would really throw a wrench in these plans. The sun is best at removing stains, so we're definitely relying on it today!!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Well, NOW it's official!
I think we can now officially say Orren IS fully daytime potty trained. We were out for most of the day, and not in places with a lot of bathrooms, and we had put him in a diaper because we hadn't taken him out without one yet, and didn't know how he'd do. Well, he stayed dry the WHOLE time, and waited until there was a potty to go. He did so well! What a big boy!
Yup, we're going to pack away all the diapers, minus a few that he still uses at night. My boy does not need his diapers anymore during the day! I can't believe how well he's done. It seriously was a matter of a few days, rather than months and months for small progress like it was with Erin. I guess we paid our dues the first time around, so this time, we got an easy one.
Yup, we're going to pack away all the diapers, minus a few that he still uses at night. My boy does not need his diapers anymore during the day! I can't believe how well he's done. It seriously was a matter of a few days, rather than months and months for small progress like it was with Erin. I guess we paid our dues the first time around, so this time, we got an easy one.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
And we shall call him potty trained.
OK, not QUITE yet because he's still wearing diapers at night, but during the day, it's all "pants" (That's what he calls his undies. They're "pants".) I can't believe how well he's done with this. He's still having a few little accidents mostly when he waits too long to get someone to take him to the potty (he doesn't quite realize he can go on his own yet) but he knows where he's supposed to go, and he's doing really well at accomplishing that. I cannot believe my little boy, barely 2 years old, is basically potty trained. With Erin, this process was impossible. She never showed a single sign of being ready, and took months and months to get even 50% consistent. After that experience, I was ready for it to be a huge process with Orren, too, but it wasn't. We just let him kind of take the lead, and footed the bill for some "pants" that he wanted.
Everyone always asks if cloth diapers make for quicker potty training. I would say it varies by individual kids. I know plenty of people within the cloth diapering world who are diapering 3-year-olds. No, it's not as many as I know of disposable diapering parents who are doing the same, but it's enough to say that using cloth diapers is not a guarantee of early potty training. However, in my own family, the trend does lend credence to that theory. Orren has potty trained a full year earlier than Erin.
I knew it could happen, but I wasn't really expecting it to go like this. I wasn't expecting to have a cloth diapering hiatus of several months between Orren potty training, and the new baby being born. It's nice, though. I will say that I have thoroughly enjoyed cloth diapering for the past two years and one month. I am proud to be able to say that my son never wore a disposable diaper, even once. I am happy that we supported small businesses (because really, all cloth diapering retailers and manufacturers within the US are small businesses) instead of funneling thousands of dollars to corporate behemoths like Proctor and Gamble. I am proud of Thak for being open to the idea to begin with, for funding this endeavor, for jumping on board as long as we got him Bum Genius, and ultimately, for learning how to fold a prefold prettier than I do (although I'm still faster). We didn't have other families to ask questions of, or retailers to go to and see the diapers before buying. We took about 100 shots in the dark, hoped for the best, and rolled with the punches, but most importantly, we made it work 100% of the time. Could I have done it without him? Yeah, I probably could have, but it was a lot better to take this journey together.
So for now, we're moving onto a new phase! Orren's a big kid now. He doesn't need those diapers anymore (except at night. He still needs them then for now.) and tomorrow, we'll be stripping all the inserts and prefolds, and sunning out everything that's stained, providing there are no sandstorms, and storing it all away for the new baby (except the couple of fitteds and covers he uses at night). I can't believe it's time to do that, but I am very proud of my little boy.
Everyone always asks if cloth diapers make for quicker potty training. I would say it varies by individual kids. I know plenty of people within the cloth diapering world who are diapering 3-year-olds. No, it's not as many as I know of disposable diapering parents who are doing the same, but it's enough to say that using cloth diapers is not a guarantee of early potty training. However, in my own family, the trend does lend credence to that theory. Orren has potty trained a full year earlier than Erin.
I knew it could happen, but I wasn't really expecting it to go like this. I wasn't expecting to have a cloth diapering hiatus of several months between Orren potty training, and the new baby being born. It's nice, though. I will say that I have thoroughly enjoyed cloth diapering for the past two years and one month. I am proud to be able to say that my son never wore a disposable diaper, even once. I am happy that we supported small businesses (because really, all cloth diapering retailers and manufacturers within the US are small businesses) instead of funneling thousands of dollars to corporate behemoths like Proctor and Gamble. I am proud of Thak for being open to the idea to begin with, for funding this endeavor, for jumping on board as long as we got him Bum Genius, and ultimately, for learning how to fold a prefold prettier than I do (although I'm still faster). We didn't have other families to ask questions of, or retailers to go to and see the diapers before buying. We took about 100 shots in the dark, hoped for the best, and rolled with the punches, but most importantly, we made it work 100% of the time. Could I have done it without him? Yeah, I probably could have, but it was a lot better to take this journey together.
So for now, we're moving onto a new phase! Orren's a big kid now. He doesn't need those diapers anymore (except at night. He still needs them then for now.) and tomorrow, we'll be stripping all the inserts and prefolds, and sunning out everything that's stained, providing there are no sandstorms, and storing it all away for the new baby (except the couple of fitteds and covers he uses at night). I can't believe it's time to do that, but I am very proud of my little boy.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
If you want to, do it. If you don't, then don't.
I am so tired of the questions I keep getting about cloth diapering. It's awesome that it's getting so popular here, but it's become a royal pain in the ass to be the one who's been doing it for longer than everyone, and is widely known to know more about it than anyone else here.
First of all, I refuse to try to convince you to do it. If you want to do it, you want to. If you don't want to, then the Huggies and Pampers are on aisle 10 of the commissary (ok, maybe not. I have no idea how the aisles are numbered here.) Knock yourself out. I started cloth diapering NOT because somebody sold me on it, but because I thought it sounded like an interesting idea, googled the shit out of it, and found that it really seemed like something me and Thak would succeed at. I never grilled anyone about what you do with the poop (I figured I'd learn that "on the job"), or if it's truly cost-effective even with utility bills, or if cloth diapers really work. I figured it was my responsibility to educate myself on it as best I could, then do it, and adjust fire as necessary. That is your responsibility as well. I am not here to convince people to cloth diaper. I can tell you that my utility bills didn't go up when I started cloth diapering. I can also tell you that I find disposables about 100 times more disgusting than cloth could ever dream of being. What I cannot do is tell you exactly what you will experience or think. If you aren't convinced enough to try it after your own research, then I really can't make your mind up for you.
What's more, my cloth diapering system is my cloth diapering system. I keep it extremely simple compared to a lot of people these days. I use a ton of prefolds. I don't own a sprayer. My laundry routine is offensively simple. This stuff doesn't work for everybody. It works for me. It's not my job to make you like it. I can tell you what I do. I can tell you what I think might work for you. I cannot tell you definitively what you will like and not like. It isn't my fault if you try this out and hate it. What's more, copying my system is probably a recipe for disaster. Everyone's babies are different. My system works for Orren. If your babies are built exactly like Orren, then you may have luck with this as well. If not, then you probably won't like it at all. I don't KNOW what fits chunky thighs!!!! I don't have a chunky baby!!!! Stop asking me to fit your baby. I am not a professional cloth diaper fitter.
This isn't to say that I'm totally unwilling to help people. I'll teach people how to use prefolds all day long. In fact, that's what I spent the cloth diapering party doing. I brought stuffed animals, a bunch of prefolds, snappis, and covers, and I taught prefolds to everyone who wanted to learn. I'm really good at prefolds. I'll also help you pick out a good detergent for your type of diapers, your machine, and our local water type. I'll help you figure out if some ebay auction you find is a good deal or not. I'll help you figure out how many diapers to buy. I'll even point you to my favorite discount hotspots. I will give you insider tips that took me years to discover.
What I will not do, however, is convince you to cloth diaper, and hold your hand every step of the way. If you're going to talk with me about this, you need to already want it.
First of all, I refuse to try to convince you to do it. If you want to do it, you want to. If you don't want to, then the Huggies and Pampers are on aisle 10 of the commissary (ok, maybe not. I have no idea how the aisles are numbered here.) Knock yourself out. I started cloth diapering NOT because somebody sold me on it, but because I thought it sounded like an interesting idea, googled the shit out of it, and found that it really seemed like something me and Thak would succeed at. I never grilled anyone about what you do with the poop (I figured I'd learn that "on the job"), or if it's truly cost-effective even with utility bills, or if cloth diapers really work. I figured it was my responsibility to educate myself on it as best I could, then do it, and adjust fire as necessary. That is your responsibility as well. I am not here to convince people to cloth diaper. I can tell you that my utility bills didn't go up when I started cloth diapering. I can also tell you that I find disposables about 100 times more disgusting than cloth could ever dream of being. What I cannot do is tell you exactly what you will experience or think. If you aren't convinced enough to try it after your own research, then I really can't make your mind up for you.
What's more, my cloth diapering system is my cloth diapering system. I keep it extremely simple compared to a lot of people these days. I use a ton of prefolds. I don't own a sprayer. My laundry routine is offensively simple. This stuff doesn't work for everybody. It works for me. It's not my job to make you like it. I can tell you what I do. I can tell you what I think might work for you. I cannot tell you definitively what you will like and not like. It isn't my fault if you try this out and hate it. What's more, copying my system is probably a recipe for disaster. Everyone's babies are different. My system works for Orren. If your babies are built exactly like Orren, then you may have luck with this as well. If not, then you probably won't like it at all. I don't KNOW what fits chunky thighs!!!! I don't have a chunky baby!!!! Stop asking me to fit your baby. I am not a professional cloth diaper fitter.
This isn't to say that I'm totally unwilling to help people. I'll teach people how to use prefolds all day long. In fact, that's what I spent the cloth diapering party doing. I brought stuffed animals, a bunch of prefolds, snappis, and covers, and I taught prefolds to everyone who wanted to learn. I'm really good at prefolds. I'll also help you pick out a good detergent for your type of diapers, your machine, and our local water type. I'll help you figure out if some ebay auction you find is a good deal or not. I'll help you figure out how many diapers to buy. I'll even point you to my favorite discount hotspots. I will give you insider tips that took me years to discover.
What I will not do, however, is convince you to cloth diaper, and hold your hand every step of the way. If you're going to talk with me about this, you need to already want it.
Friday, February 18, 2011
What are the tough questions?
I always tell people that if they're trying to get their husband to support them in a non-hospital birth, or they are trying to decide if one is right for them, their best best is to schedule a meeting with a midwife, and ask her the tough questions. Well, it logically follows that people want to know what the tough questions are. Understood. This is my version of the tough questions:
Past history related (aka, Anna's make or break questions):
What's your opinion of long pregnancies? Would you ever refuse to attend a birth for someone because she stayed pregnant past 42 weeks?
Do you require that your clients be tested for Group B Strep? If you do, do you support alternative methods of prevention and treatment and support clients going without antibiotics?
What is your opinion of the condition mainstream practitioners call "macrosomia"? (Macrosomia means large body, and refers to any baby born over 9 pounds. The answer I am looking for to this question is, "Macrosomia is a BS diagnosis. A big healthy baby is not a risk factor.")
How do you manage labor for your clients? (The correct answer is, "It depends what the client wants out of it.")
As you are aware, shoulder distocia is more common among large babies than small ones. How do you manage shoulder distocia? (The correct answer is either or both, "The Gaskin Maneuver" or "The MacRoberts Maneuver", and an explanation of why.)
General questions:
How many births have you attended?
Under what circumstances do you find induction to be medically indicated?
What percentage of your clients do you transfer to hospital?
Of those, how many are NOT first time moms?
How many of your clients end up with c-sections?
What is the procedure for transfer to the hospital should it become necessary?
Will you stay with me if I have to transfer?
What complications can you manage in-home?
What medical equipment do you bring to births?
What medications, by state law, are you allowed/required to bring?
What if two of your clients go into labor at the same time? Can I meet your back-up?
Do you provide breastfeeding support?
How long will you stay with me after I give birth?
This is obviously not an exhaustive list of all the questions a person should ask if they are interviewing midwives to assist them with their upcoming birth. Everybody should tailor this list to fit their own needs and priorities, but this gives you the basic idea. The goal of the interview is to ascertain that this woman knows what she's doing, has seen your kind of client before, and has a good plan for handling whatever may arise. If you can feel confident in those things, and also get some good answers to your own personal make or break questions, then you may have found the right practitioner for you. The thing that will really let you know, though, is that it will feel right when you talk with her. You will feel comfortable, and know innately that she is trustworthy. The questions themselves, are what really is good for the dads, though. They get real answers, and can sort of picture how things go. I find that homebirth and birth center birth are rampantly misunderstood, so just in gaining an understanding of how things go during one of these births, goes a long way toward quelling any fears, since most of what people find scary about non-hospital birth, is the unknown.
Past history related (aka, Anna's make or break questions):
What's your opinion of long pregnancies? Would you ever refuse to attend a birth for someone because she stayed pregnant past 42 weeks?
Do you require that your clients be tested for Group B Strep? If you do, do you support alternative methods of prevention and treatment and support clients going without antibiotics?
What is your opinion of the condition mainstream practitioners call "macrosomia"? (Macrosomia means large body, and refers to any baby born over 9 pounds. The answer I am looking for to this question is, "Macrosomia is a BS diagnosis. A big healthy baby is not a risk factor.")
How do you manage labor for your clients? (The correct answer is, "It depends what the client wants out of it.")
As you are aware, shoulder distocia is more common among large babies than small ones. How do you manage shoulder distocia? (The correct answer is either or both, "The Gaskin Maneuver" or "The MacRoberts Maneuver", and an explanation of why.)
General questions:
How many births have you attended?
Under what circumstances do you find induction to be medically indicated?
What percentage of your clients do you transfer to hospital?
Of those, how many are NOT first time moms?
How many of your clients end up with c-sections?
What is the procedure for transfer to the hospital should it become necessary?
Will you stay with me if I have to transfer?
What complications can you manage in-home?
What medical equipment do you bring to births?
What medications, by state law, are you allowed/required to bring?
What if two of your clients go into labor at the same time? Can I meet your back-up?
Do you provide breastfeeding support?
How long will you stay with me after I give birth?
This is obviously not an exhaustive list of all the questions a person should ask if they are interviewing midwives to assist them with their upcoming birth. Everybody should tailor this list to fit their own needs and priorities, but this gives you the basic idea. The goal of the interview is to ascertain that this woman knows what she's doing, has seen your kind of client before, and has a good plan for handling whatever may arise. If you can feel confident in those things, and also get some good answers to your own personal make or break questions, then you may have found the right practitioner for you. The thing that will really let you know, though, is that it will feel right when you talk with her. You will feel comfortable, and know innately that she is trustworthy. The questions themselves, are what really is good for the dads, though. They get real answers, and can sort of picture how things go. I find that homebirth and birth center birth are rampantly misunderstood, so just in gaining an understanding of how things go during one of these births, goes a long way toward quelling any fears, since most of what people find scary about non-hospital birth, is the unknown.
It's nothing against you. It's just common sense.
A girl that my friend S and I have become friends with since she arrived at this post a few months ago, mentioned that her husband has a tendency to get really drunk and stupid, and that a couple of his NCO's were coming over that night to drink, and she was afraid of how it was going to go. I said that a stupidly drunk PFC is the least of the problems I saw there, that two NCO's going to booze it up at a lower-enlisted soldier's house was the real problem. She said that since her husband was older than these NCO's, it wasn't a big deal, that he's not like other PFC's. Um, yes, he wears PFC rank to work every day, so in fact, he IS like other PFC's in that he really shouldn't be trying to be drinking buddies with NCO's, or more properly, NCO's within the unit should know better than to try to be drinking buddies with him.
We were in mixed company, but I held my line on it. I said that those NCO's had no business over there, that drinking with PVT's is unprofessional, and makes them look horrible, that Thak would never do that, that since they're within the same unit, they are undermining themselves as respectable leaders by drinking with subordinate personnel. Every other senior wife, and every Officer's wife, completely agreed. The lower-enlisted wives didn't get it, or were offended, but really, I didn't care. Honestly, I'm sick of this "New Army" bullshit. When we have NCO's boozing it up with PFC's (and who honestly cares if said PFC is a billion years old?!) we have a less effective fighting force. Them deploying together soon (which is the reason the wife of said PFC gave for them needing to know each other well, and it being right for them to interact in this way) is actually the precise reason why it's WRONG. That PFC needs to RESPECT those NCO's, not necessarily know or like them. He needs to know their leadership style, the way they do business, and their quirks as soldiers. He doesn't need to know how they like their Jager bombs, or what they're like after 4 or 5 drinks. That is information NO lower-enlisted should ever know about any NCO in their unit. It crosses a huge line, and undermines them as leaders. There is a reason that in 10 years as an NCO, Thak has NEVER drank with a lower-enlisted.
People in today's Army are incapable of seeing the lines that were drawn back when people still knew what the hell they were doing. They think, "Well, if we can go over to the Platoon Sergeant's house for Thanksgiving dinner, then why can't my husband have some NCO's from the unit over to drink and play xbox? What's the difference?" Well, there's a big difference, really. For one, for any given holiday dinner, it's tradition for subordinate personnel to go over to their leaders' houses to eat. For another, the whole squad, platoon, or whatever the element in question is, was invited. It does not show favortism, or bias in any way. It's more or less an informal unit function. It is a far cry from going over to some lower-enlisted's house to booze it up. I don't see how people don't see the difference.
This PFC's sister, is apparently a Sergeant First Class in the National Guard. This is the worst kind, really. They have some family member who's senior, so that's the crowd they're used to associating with, then they enlist, and expect nothing to change. Unfortunately, that's not the way it works. Sure, this guy can still hang out with his sister. For one, they're not in the same unit, and for another, blood relation trumps rank. I just can't believe his stupid wife does not see how this does not extend to other NCO's, especially those he works with.
I also don't like the notion that just because my husband doesn't hang out with PVT's, that he thinks he's better than other people. That's so untrue. In fact, Thak is about the most unpretentious person you will ever meet in your entire life. He doesn't think he's better than anybody, and in fact, when he was asked to give a speech when he was pinned with his current (nearly impossible to attain) rank, he used that time, to encourage the other soldiers to reach for the same standard he reached for (and reached!), and to tell them that if he could do it, so could they. That's not someone who thinks they're better than other people. Just because he doesn't hang out with lower-enlisteds doesn't mean he thinks he's better. It means he doesn't feel like undermining the respect he has earned over the course of decades. Hey, we don't get offended by the fact that S and her husband (who will soon be promoted to Major) cannot come to our house together for a barbecue or something (S comes over a lot. She just doesn't bring him). We know that field grade officers don't hang out with enlisted personnel. S and I hang out all the time. We both cloth diaper. We have a ton in common. We just know where the lines are, and we don't cross them. We also both have a ton of time on our hands because our husbands both work A LOT!! (OK, so Thak does school, and her husband is an ER doctor, which just comes with long hours to begin with.) This doesn't hurt the situation at all, really. It's not like they're asking to come along or anything since they're usually working or whatever.
I'm so glad we're leaving this Army in a few weeks. Most of these people have lost their minds. Yes, it's great for NCO's to go to a PFC's house and drink like fish. What could possibly go wrong?
[And a word to the wise: If you are, um, new, and a bunch of people who are married to people your husband is required to either salute or stand at a specific position to speak with, are telling you that you are out of line, your best course of action is probably not to call those individuals "a bunch of drama starters". If every senior wife, staff wife, and officer's wife you know, is telling you that what you're doing isn't kosher, it probably isn't. What's more, it's going to be a fun day in the office come Tuesday. Think about who you're talking to before you open your mouth. Let's just say, there won't be a repeat of last night anytime soon, and it is because of you showing off, telling people who your husband was hanging out with and what they were doing. I'm sure he's very proud of you.]
We were in mixed company, but I held my line on it. I said that those NCO's had no business over there, that drinking with PVT's is unprofessional, and makes them look horrible, that Thak would never do that, that since they're within the same unit, they are undermining themselves as respectable leaders by drinking with subordinate personnel. Every other senior wife, and every Officer's wife, completely agreed. The lower-enlisted wives didn't get it, or were offended, but really, I didn't care. Honestly, I'm sick of this "New Army" bullshit. When we have NCO's boozing it up with PFC's (and who honestly cares if said PFC is a billion years old?!) we have a less effective fighting force. Them deploying together soon (which is the reason the wife of said PFC gave for them needing to know each other well, and it being right for them to interact in this way) is actually the precise reason why it's WRONG. That PFC needs to RESPECT those NCO's, not necessarily know or like them. He needs to know their leadership style, the way they do business, and their quirks as soldiers. He doesn't need to know how they like their Jager bombs, or what they're like after 4 or 5 drinks. That is information NO lower-enlisted should ever know about any NCO in their unit. It crosses a huge line, and undermines them as leaders. There is a reason that in 10 years as an NCO, Thak has NEVER drank with a lower-enlisted.
People in today's Army are incapable of seeing the lines that were drawn back when people still knew what the hell they were doing. They think, "Well, if we can go over to the Platoon Sergeant's house for Thanksgiving dinner, then why can't my husband have some NCO's from the unit over to drink and play xbox? What's the difference?" Well, there's a big difference, really. For one, for any given holiday dinner, it's tradition for subordinate personnel to go over to their leaders' houses to eat. For another, the whole squad, platoon, or whatever the element in question is, was invited. It does not show favortism, or bias in any way. It's more or less an informal unit function. It is a far cry from going over to some lower-enlisted's house to booze it up. I don't see how people don't see the difference.
This PFC's sister, is apparently a Sergeant First Class in the National Guard. This is the worst kind, really. They have some family member who's senior, so that's the crowd they're used to associating with, then they enlist, and expect nothing to change. Unfortunately, that's not the way it works. Sure, this guy can still hang out with his sister. For one, they're not in the same unit, and for another, blood relation trumps rank. I just can't believe his stupid wife does not see how this does not extend to other NCO's, especially those he works with.
I also don't like the notion that just because my husband doesn't hang out with PVT's, that he thinks he's better than other people. That's so untrue. In fact, Thak is about the most unpretentious person you will ever meet in your entire life. He doesn't think he's better than anybody, and in fact, when he was asked to give a speech when he was pinned with his current (nearly impossible to attain) rank, he used that time, to encourage the other soldiers to reach for the same standard he reached for (and reached!), and to tell them that if he could do it, so could they. That's not someone who thinks they're better than other people. Just because he doesn't hang out with lower-enlisteds doesn't mean he thinks he's better. It means he doesn't feel like undermining the respect he has earned over the course of decades. Hey, we don't get offended by the fact that S and her husband (who will soon be promoted to Major) cannot come to our house together for a barbecue or something (S comes over a lot. She just doesn't bring him). We know that field grade officers don't hang out with enlisted personnel. S and I hang out all the time. We both cloth diaper. We have a ton in common. We just know where the lines are, and we don't cross them. We also both have a ton of time on our hands because our husbands both work A LOT!! (OK, so Thak does school, and her husband is an ER doctor, which just comes with long hours to begin with.) This doesn't hurt the situation at all, really. It's not like they're asking to come along or anything since they're usually working or whatever.
I'm so glad we're leaving this Army in a few weeks. Most of these people have lost their minds. Yes, it's great for NCO's to go to a PFC's house and drink like fish. What could possibly go wrong?
[And a word to the wise: If you are, um, new, and a bunch of people who are married to people your husband is required to either salute or stand at a specific position to speak with, are telling you that you are out of line, your best course of action is probably not to call those individuals "a bunch of drama starters". If every senior wife, staff wife, and officer's wife you know, is telling you that what you're doing isn't kosher, it probably isn't. What's more, it's going to be a fun day in the office come Tuesday. Think about who you're talking to before you open your mouth. Let's just say, there won't be a repeat of last night anytime soon, and it is because of you showing off, telling people who your husband was hanging out with and what they were doing. I'm sure he's very proud of you.]
Thursday, February 17, 2011
You want to know? I'll tell you!
Homebirth, birth center birth, and really anything other than the all too common hospital with a doctor who totally disregards your wishes birth, is very misunderstood. I've been asked a lot of questions lately, good questions!
What's a birth center?
A birth center is only the most awesome invention since birth itself. It's bears no resemblance to a hospital, and it's perfect for people who, for whatever reason, don't want to birth at home. Technology-wise, it's identical to a homebirth. You will be tended by midwives, never doctors. You will not be bound by any strange hospital policies like a ban on eating, or a requirement to have an IV, or anything like that. You can really do things your way, just like you could at home, but you're at the birth center instead. A lot of them have really nice birth tubs, and cool equipment like birthing stools and squat bars. They have medical equipment, too, but in well over 90% of cases, you'll never see it. It's tucked away in some dresser or cabinet somewhere that you won't have to look at it or think of birth as a medical event.
Birth centers are really cool. They're particularly ideal for people who would love to have a homebirth, but live really far from a hospital, and aren't comfortable with that. Most birth centers are within a reasonable drive of a hospital (half an hour is the farthest I've seen), so they're a really great option for very rural families who aren't comfortable with a homebirth, but don't want a hospital birth either. Oh, and you don't have to stay long after the birth. You know how everyone who births at the hospital ends up staying there for like a whole day after the baby is born? At a birth center, you can go home after as little as 4 hours if that's what you want to do.
What if something goes wrong and you're not in a hospital?
This is the one everyone wants to know. First of all, be assured that all licensed midwives (be they CNM's or CPM's) are highly trained in handling the issues that sometimes occur during births. Baby needs oxygen? Don't worry. The midwife brought some. Mom hemorrhages? Don't worry. The midwife has brought the same drugs they would give in the hospital to control it. Of course, the difference is that in the hospital, these drugs are used as the first line of defense, and in a home or birth center birth, they are a last resort, used after breastfeeding, herbs, fundal massage, and other means to control the hemorrhage, but they are there if they are needed, and sometimes they are. Licensed midwives are required to carry these drugs to every birth they attend. People do not routinely bleed to death if their birth is attended by a licensed midwife. Stitches are also something that basically all licensed midwives are willing to do for their clients, although it's not often they have to do it since the rate of tearing during homebirth, is very low.
Now, if it is something that cannot be remedied at home, then you transfer to the hospital. When it becomes apparent that a transfer is imminent, the midwife will call the hospital and tell them what's going on. Then the client is driven to the hospital. Upon arrival, the people there know what's necessary, and they act accordingly. The drive only gave them time to set up, which would have taken the same amount of time even if the client had been on hospital property the whole time. In the end, there's no difference in how quickly emergency treatment can be given. The exception to this would be very rural families, who may consider a birth center birth instead of a homebirth in order to put them in closer proximity to a hospital just in case of emergency.
What if the baby is premature?
Then you go to the hospital. Every midwife has her own criteria for what she's willing to attend, but I don't know any who will assist births prior to 36 weeks at home. Most birth centers are bound by law to transfer anyone who goes into labor prior to 37 weeks. Nobody is advocating home or birth center birth for premature babies. There are laws in most states about this as well.
What if you don't go into labor on your own?
This is a construct of the modern medical establishment, and those of us within the natural birth community know that every woman will go into labor on her own when it is time. Whether that is 37 weeks or 44 weeks, every mom will cook her baby as long as he/she needs to be cooked, and when that's done, she will go into labor spontaneously. Induction may be discussed if you're doing a birth center birth, or if you live in a state that mandates how far into post-dates midwives are allowed to attend births out of hospital (Florida and Georgia, I'm scowling at you), but in states with good midwifery laws (such as Texas), you can go as long as Mother Nature has for you, and not worry about a thing.
No, it's not bad for the baby to stay in as long as he/she is naturally inclined to do. In fact, it's quite good for the baby because he/she gets to develop fully before joining us earthside. No, the placenta doesn't stop working at 40 weeks. No, the baby won't get too big. Babies are born when they're ready, and every mom can go into labor on her own.
If you don't have cervical checks throughout labor, how do they know how long you have left to go? Similarly, if they don't check you, how do they know when to tell you to push?
First of all, knowing how dilated you are is absolutely no indication of how long there is left to go. Any given woman can take three days to dilate 4 cm, and then go from 4-10 in a matter of minutes, or any other variation of timing. Plus, a good midwife knows about what stage of labor her client is in by the sounds they are making and how they are acting. I did consent to one cervical check during my labor with Orren, but Nancy knew before she did that, what stage I was at. Any experienced midwife would. A client should not feel compelled to request, nor consent to, cervical checks. Most midwives who practice out of hospital make it clear that it is a client's choice whether to be checked or not. Instead of "We're going to check you now.", Nancy asked me, "Can I check your cervix and see how far dilated you are?" I did consent to that. I probably will not request any cervical checks with this birth. They are kind of risky for a Group B Strep positive mom who's going without antibiotics, and they're unnecessary.
As for how you know to push if you don't get checked, if you are unmedicated, and laboring in accordance with what our species has evolved to labor like, you will know when to push. You will do whatever you need to do to get that baby to come down, and to move him/her out into the world. Whether you are in the water, on a bed, on the floor, on a birth stool, hanging from a birth sling, or leaning against a tree in the yard, you will know what you need to do, and you will innately do it. The midwife's job is not to tell you how to push, but to support you as you do what naturally occurs to you. She knows that. By the time you get to that point, you will know it, too.
What happens at an appointment with your midwife?
YES! The million dollar question! Well, they either take place at the birth center she practices at, or at my house. We talk a little while, just catching up on what's new with each other within the past month (I'm still on once a month appointments, but will be on every two weeks after my next one.) She asks me how I'm doing, usually if I've had any more nausea (that's been an issue for me this pregnancy), and how things are going in general. Then she'll take my blood pressure, check the baby's heartbeat, and note that the baby has grown since last time. There are no exact measurements done since that's really unnecessary. Sure, I could be told how far ahead I'm measuring (because I always measure big. I have big babies. Shocking, right?) but there's no point in that. We discuss how the baby seems to be growing, and we find that this baby is following a similar growth pattern to Orren, so we talk about how it may be another one in the 9-10 pound range, but we always talk about how great it is to have big healthy babies, and how they're the best kind. It's all very positive.
Otherwise, we talk about all the other details of the birth, what foods I should make, what things I should get, and really any other details of how I want this birth to go. We even talk about other things, like cloth diapering, the differences in raising boys vs girls (we both had just girls for a long time, and then had a boy!), even intactivism, and what pediatricians in this city support delayed and selective vaccination schedules. Sometimes we talk about the bad side of things, like what happens if I have to transfer, what to expect (they aren't very nice to homebirth transfers here. That's a common phenomenon throughout the nation.) Then we talk about how that's very unlikely to happen, how I'm having this baby at home, just as perfectly and easily as I had Orren in the birth center. On average, our appointments last an hour and a half. We have to know each other well if we're going to work together most effectively. I chose her because I knew that she and I have very compatible views when it comes to this process. Our appointments are to reinforce that just as much as they are to check and make sure the baby and I are doing fine.
What about prenatal testing? Don't you do that?
It's always the client's choice. Homebirth midwives don't offer much in the way of prenatal testing, but they can tell you where to go to get it done, should you want it. They can also discuss with you the risks, benefits, and drawbacks to each test, and even help you make an informed decision on whether or not you need any given one of the common tests. Birth centers do offer most of the same tests as OB's offer. The difference is that it's always put forth as something you can choose to do or not do, rather than "OK, you're X weeks, so now it's time for Y test." If you are a birth center client, just like homebirth midwives, your midwives can discuss with you what tests you are considering, and how they pertain to your individual case, and help you to make an informed decision on what tests, if any, you want to get. I have refused all prenatal testing for my last two pregnancies. Most people do, but if you want it, then that is your choice, and nobody's going to give you a hard time over it.
Similarly, other tests such as Gestational Diabetes and Group B Strep, which are considered standard procedure in OB practices, are considered a choice, or something you must request for yourself, in most birth center and homebirth practices. I have never taken a Gestational Diabetes test. Since I have no risk factors for it, I've never seen it as necessary to be screened, and my midwives have always concurred with that. As for Group B Strep, I was tested for that during my first two pregnancies, and was positive both times. The first time, I had antibiotics during labor, which was a huge mistake. The second time, I didn't. In the two years between then and now, I have researched Group B Strep and treatments thereof, very extensively, and have learned that the Group B Strep test is not essential nor are antibiotics during labor beneficial in any way. I also learned preventative measures. This time, I will not be screened for Group B Strep. If I wanted it, I could request it, but there's really no need. Honestly, most of Europe never tests for it either, and they have better birth outcomes than we do. The bottom line is, it's a choice that each client must make for herself, and that's how it will be put to you.
What about ultrasounds? Do you do those?
Ultrasounds are just like other prenatal tests. You can choose to have them done. Not everyone does, but many do, and if you want one, then just ask. CPM's cannot do diagnostic ultrasounds in most states, but CNM's can in a lot of places. If you want a diagnostic ultrasound, and you are seeing a CPM, then you should ask her for a recommendation for an ultrasound clinic that you can go to for that. If you are seeing a CNM, she can probably take care of that for you. You can have as many or as few ultrasounds as you want. It is up to you.
How did you convince your husband to let you birth out of hospital?
Thak is an interesting case. Sure, his family in the US is hopelessly mainstream, but if you actually hear anything about his mom, as it would seem, she was kind of a major hippie by US standards, only it wasn't called being a hippie. It was called being from a remote village in Thailand, and doing what you consider normal. Basically, even though Thak was born by emergency c-section in a military hospital, and had some pretty mainstream views of birth, he had enough alternative in him to be open minded about things, to read Spiritual Midwifery with me, to watch The Business of Being Born, and ultimately, to go from someone who thought hospital when he thought birth, to a major birth center and homebirth advocate. The thing for him, was to see the difference. He knew what hospital birth was. Then he went to the birth center with me when I was pregnant with Orren. Our midwives involved him in the whole process, showed him that he was an important part of it all, not just some accessory who will be treated as a spare part like in hospital situations. He was so happy to have such a big part in the pregnancy with Orren, and to be so connected to his son even before he was born. Orren's birth was perfect, and he was so proud to be helping with the whole process (he really did everything but catch the baby!), and to this day, he tells everyone about what a great experience it was to help his son come into the world like that. After that, he really understood why I wanted a homebirth this time, and was all for it.
For more resistant dads, I think the best possible thing is for him to talk to a midwife, ask her all the tough questions, and listen to what she has to say. On the rare mainstream ideals that Thak clung to (it was really very small things, just annoying, not major) the thing that got him away from that, was talking with our midwives about that stuff. Hearing it from them went a lot farther than hearing it from me. They do this for a living, most have done so for a very long time, and they know more about birth than he, or I, or any other lay person ever could. Husbands love experts, and midwives are experts. The cure for a resistant husband, is a consult with an experienced midwife. No, she is not in the business of convincing you two to choose homebirth or birth center birth (they only want clients who genuinely want to be there), but she has a wealth of facts to answer the tough questions, and put fear of the unknown to rest.
Aren't you afraid?
I'm realistic. I honestly believe that birth is about as safe as life gets (safer than some of the things I do, actually. Remember, I live in El Paso, home of the worst drivers in the world.) but I also understand that, as with anything else in life, there are inherent risks. I believe that my level of risk during a homebirth is identical to my level of risk during a birth center birth. I know that for me, homebirth is drastically safer than hospital birth. I also understand that sometimes things happen. I know my own history. I know that in homebirthing, things are in my own hands, and that it is up to me to do what is best. I read extensively on issues that pertain to me, and proceed accordingly. I am walking with my eyes open as wide as they can go. With that comes insane power over my own situation, but also total responsibility. I am not afraid of labor pain. I know how to handle it. I am not afraid of birth itself. I've come through that just fine twice. I am not afraid of large babies, as I've been there, done that, and it was easier than I ever imagined birth could be.
Fear is kind of useless at this point. Surely, I know all the things that can go wrong. One thing about homebirthing is that everyone you ever meet tells you every horror story they've ever heard about anyone who ever had anything bad happen during a homebirth. Yup, I'm pretty sure I've heard about every mom in the history of the US who bled to death during a homebirth, or anything else you can imagine. More importantly than that, I have read the statistics on every one of these things. I have read articles from peer reviewed journals from around the world, and countries which have better birth outcomes than we have in the US, many of which have high rates of homebirth as well. My goal was to understand the situation for what it really is, and I think I do. This is where realism comes in. Could something bad happen? Yes. Will it? I don't know. Is it likely? Not at all. In fact, it is far more likely that I will be hit by a speeding car while trying to make a left on Zaragoza tomorrow as I take Erin to dance class, than it is that something will go wrong during my homebirth. Yet somehow, I drive Zaragoza multiple times a week, which is statistically far more dangerous than having a baby at home, and nobody bats an eye. The key is to put things in perspective, and understand them for what they are, not what society wants you to think they are. So no, I am not afraid. When you make the right decision, it isn't scary to follow through.
What's a birth center?
A birth center is only the most awesome invention since birth itself. It's bears no resemblance to a hospital, and it's perfect for people who, for whatever reason, don't want to birth at home. Technology-wise, it's identical to a homebirth. You will be tended by midwives, never doctors. You will not be bound by any strange hospital policies like a ban on eating, or a requirement to have an IV, or anything like that. You can really do things your way, just like you could at home, but you're at the birth center instead. A lot of them have really nice birth tubs, and cool equipment like birthing stools and squat bars. They have medical equipment, too, but in well over 90% of cases, you'll never see it. It's tucked away in some dresser or cabinet somewhere that you won't have to look at it or think of birth as a medical event.
Birth centers are really cool. They're particularly ideal for people who would love to have a homebirth, but live really far from a hospital, and aren't comfortable with that. Most birth centers are within a reasonable drive of a hospital (half an hour is the farthest I've seen), so they're a really great option for very rural families who aren't comfortable with a homebirth, but don't want a hospital birth either. Oh, and you don't have to stay long after the birth. You know how everyone who births at the hospital ends up staying there for like a whole day after the baby is born? At a birth center, you can go home after as little as 4 hours if that's what you want to do.
What if something goes wrong and you're not in a hospital?
This is the one everyone wants to know. First of all, be assured that all licensed midwives (be they CNM's or CPM's) are highly trained in handling the issues that sometimes occur during births. Baby needs oxygen? Don't worry. The midwife brought some. Mom hemorrhages? Don't worry. The midwife has brought the same drugs they would give in the hospital to control it. Of course, the difference is that in the hospital, these drugs are used as the first line of defense, and in a home or birth center birth, they are a last resort, used after breastfeeding, herbs, fundal massage, and other means to control the hemorrhage, but they are there if they are needed, and sometimes they are. Licensed midwives are required to carry these drugs to every birth they attend. People do not routinely bleed to death if their birth is attended by a licensed midwife. Stitches are also something that basically all licensed midwives are willing to do for their clients, although it's not often they have to do it since the rate of tearing during homebirth, is very low.
Now, if it is something that cannot be remedied at home, then you transfer to the hospital. When it becomes apparent that a transfer is imminent, the midwife will call the hospital and tell them what's going on. Then the client is driven to the hospital. Upon arrival, the people there know what's necessary, and they act accordingly. The drive only gave them time to set up, which would have taken the same amount of time even if the client had been on hospital property the whole time. In the end, there's no difference in how quickly emergency treatment can be given. The exception to this would be very rural families, who may consider a birth center birth instead of a homebirth in order to put them in closer proximity to a hospital just in case of emergency.
What if the baby is premature?
Then you go to the hospital. Every midwife has her own criteria for what she's willing to attend, but I don't know any who will assist births prior to 36 weeks at home. Most birth centers are bound by law to transfer anyone who goes into labor prior to 37 weeks. Nobody is advocating home or birth center birth for premature babies. There are laws in most states about this as well.
What if you don't go into labor on your own?
This is a construct of the modern medical establishment, and those of us within the natural birth community know that every woman will go into labor on her own when it is time. Whether that is 37 weeks or 44 weeks, every mom will cook her baby as long as he/she needs to be cooked, and when that's done, she will go into labor spontaneously. Induction may be discussed if you're doing a birth center birth, or if you live in a state that mandates how far into post-dates midwives are allowed to attend births out of hospital (Florida and Georgia, I'm scowling at you), but in states with good midwifery laws (such as Texas), you can go as long as Mother Nature has for you, and not worry about a thing.
No, it's not bad for the baby to stay in as long as he/she is naturally inclined to do. In fact, it's quite good for the baby because he/she gets to develop fully before joining us earthside. No, the placenta doesn't stop working at 40 weeks. No, the baby won't get too big. Babies are born when they're ready, and every mom can go into labor on her own.
If you don't have cervical checks throughout labor, how do they know how long you have left to go? Similarly, if they don't check you, how do they know when to tell you to push?
First of all, knowing how dilated you are is absolutely no indication of how long there is left to go. Any given woman can take three days to dilate 4 cm, and then go from 4-10 in a matter of minutes, or any other variation of timing. Plus, a good midwife knows about what stage of labor her client is in by the sounds they are making and how they are acting. I did consent to one cervical check during my labor with Orren, but Nancy knew before she did that, what stage I was at. Any experienced midwife would. A client should not feel compelled to request, nor consent to, cervical checks. Most midwives who practice out of hospital make it clear that it is a client's choice whether to be checked or not. Instead of "We're going to check you now.", Nancy asked me, "Can I check your cervix and see how far dilated you are?" I did consent to that. I probably will not request any cervical checks with this birth. They are kind of risky for a Group B Strep positive mom who's going without antibiotics, and they're unnecessary.
As for how you know to push if you don't get checked, if you are unmedicated, and laboring in accordance with what our species has evolved to labor like, you will know when to push. You will do whatever you need to do to get that baby to come down, and to move him/her out into the world. Whether you are in the water, on a bed, on the floor, on a birth stool, hanging from a birth sling, or leaning against a tree in the yard, you will know what you need to do, and you will innately do it. The midwife's job is not to tell you how to push, but to support you as you do what naturally occurs to you. She knows that. By the time you get to that point, you will know it, too.
What happens at an appointment with your midwife?
YES! The million dollar question! Well, they either take place at the birth center she practices at, or at my house. We talk a little while, just catching up on what's new with each other within the past month (I'm still on once a month appointments, but will be on every two weeks after my next one.) She asks me how I'm doing, usually if I've had any more nausea (that's been an issue for me this pregnancy), and how things are going in general. Then she'll take my blood pressure, check the baby's heartbeat, and note that the baby has grown since last time. There are no exact measurements done since that's really unnecessary. Sure, I could be told how far ahead I'm measuring (because I always measure big. I have big babies. Shocking, right?) but there's no point in that. We discuss how the baby seems to be growing, and we find that this baby is following a similar growth pattern to Orren, so we talk about how it may be another one in the 9-10 pound range, but we always talk about how great it is to have big healthy babies, and how they're the best kind. It's all very positive.
Otherwise, we talk about all the other details of the birth, what foods I should make, what things I should get, and really any other details of how I want this birth to go. We even talk about other things, like cloth diapering, the differences in raising boys vs girls (we both had just girls for a long time, and then had a boy!), even intactivism, and what pediatricians in this city support delayed and selective vaccination schedules. Sometimes we talk about the bad side of things, like what happens if I have to transfer, what to expect (they aren't very nice to homebirth transfers here. That's a common phenomenon throughout the nation.) Then we talk about how that's very unlikely to happen, how I'm having this baby at home, just as perfectly and easily as I had Orren in the birth center. On average, our appointments last an hour and a half. We have to know each other well if we're going to work together most effectively. I chose her because I knew that she and I have very compatible views when it comes to this process. Our appointments are to reinforce that just as much as they are to check and make sure the baby and I are doing fine.
What about prenatal testing? Don't you do that?
It's always the client's choice. Homebirth midwives don't offer much in the way of prenatal testing, but they can tell you where to go to get it done, should you want it. They can also discuss with you the risks, benefits, and drawbacks to each test, and even help you make an informed decision on whether or not you need any given one of the common tests. Birth centers do offer most of the same tests as OB's offer. The difference is that it's always put forth as something you can choose to do or not do, rather than "OK, you're X weeks, so now it's time for Y test." If you are a birth center client, just like homebirth midwives, your midwives can discuss with you what tests you are considering, and how they pertain to your individual case, and help you to make an informed decision on what tests, if any, you want to get. I have refused all prenatal testing for my last two pregnancies. Most people do, but if you want it, then that is your choice, and nobody's going to give you a hard time over it.
Similarly, other tests such as Gestational Diabetes and Group B Strep, which are considered standard procedure in OB practices, are considered a choice, or something you must request for yourself, in most birth center and homebirth practices. I have never taken a Gestational Diabetes test. Since I have no risk factors for it, I've never seen it as necessary to be screened, and my midwives have always concurred with that. As for Group B Strep, I was tested for that during my first two pregnancies, and was positive both times. The first time, I had antibiotics during labor, which was a huge mistake. The second time, I didn't. In the two years between then and now, I have researched Group B Strep and treatments thereof, very extensively, and have learned that the Group B Strep test is not essential nor are antibiotics during labor beneficial in any way. I also learned preventative measures. This time, I will not be screened for Group B Strep. If I wanted it, I could request it, but there's really no need. Honestly, most of Europe never tests for it either, and they have better birth outcomes than we do. The bottom line is, it's a choice that each client must make for herself, and that's how it will be put to you.
What about ultrasounds? Do you do those?
Ultrasounds are just like other prenatal tests. You can choose to have them done. Not everyone does, but many do, and if you want one, then just ask. CPM's cannot do diagnostic ultrasounds in most states, but CNM's can in a lot of places. If you want a diagnostic ultrasound, and you are seeing a CPM, then you should ask her for a recommendation for an ultrasound clinic that you can go to for that. If you are seeing a CNM, she can probably take care of that for you. You can have as many or as few ultrasounds as you want. It is up to you.
How did you convince your husband to let you birth out of hospital?
Thak is an interesting case. Sure, his family in the US is hopelessly mainstream, but if you actually hear anything about his mom, as it would seem, she was kind of a major hippie by US standards, only it wasn't called being a hippie. It was called being from a remote village in Thailand, and doing what you consider normal. Basically, even though Thak was born by emergency c-section in a military hospital, and had some pretty mainstream views of birth, he had enough alternative in him to be open minded about things, to read Spiritual Midwifery with me, to watch The Business of Being Born, and ultimately, to go from someone who thought hospital when he thought birth, to a major birth center and homebirth advocate. The thing for him, was to see the difference. He knew what hospital birth was. Then he went to the birth center with me when I was pregnant with Orren. Our midwives involved him in the whole process, showed him that he was an important part of it all, not just some accessory who will be treated as a spare part like in hospital situations. He was so happy to have such a big part in the pregnancy with Orren, and to be so connected to his son even before he was born. Orren's birth was perfect, and he was so proud to be helping with the whole process (he really did everything but catch the baby!), and to this day, he tells everyone about what a great experience it was to help his son come into the world like that. After that, he really understood why I wanted a homebirth this time, and was all for it.
For more resistant dads, I think the best possible thing is for him to talk to a midwife, ask her all the tough questions, and listen to what she has to say. On the rare mainstream ideals that Thak clung to (it was really very small things, just annoying, not major) the thing that got him away from that, was talking with our midwives about that stuff. Hearing it from them went a lot farther than hearing it from me. They do this for a living, most have done so for a very long time, and they know more about birth than he, or I, or any other lay person ever could. Husbands love experts, and midwives are experts. The cure for a resistant husband, is a consult with an experienced midwife. No, she is not in the business of convincing you two to choose homebirth or birth center birth (they only want clients who genuinely want to be there), but she has a wealth of facts to answer the tough questions, and put fear of the unknown to rest.
Aren't you afraid?
I'm realistic. I honestly believe that birth is about as safe as life gets (safer than some of the things I do, actually. Remember, I live in El Paso, home of the worst drivers in the world.) but I also understand that, as with anything else in life, there are inherent risks. I believe that my level of risk during a homebirth is identical to my level of risk during a birth center birth. I know that for me, homebirth is drastically safer than hospital birth. I also understand that sometimes things happen. I know my own history. I know that in homebirthing, things are in my own hands, and that it is up to me to do what is best. I read extensively on issues that pertain to me, and proceed accordingly. I am walking with my eyes open as wide as they can go. With that comes insane power over my own situation, but also total responsibility. I am not afraid of labor pain. I know how to handle it. I am not afraid of birth itself. I've come through that just fine twice. I am not afraid of large babies, as I've been there, done that, and it was easier than I ever imagined birth could be.
Fear is kind of useless at this point. Surely, I know all the things that can go wrong. One thing about homebirthing is that everyone you ever meet tells you every horror story they've ever heard about anyone who ever had anything bad happen during a homebirth. Yup, I'm pretty sure I've heard about every mom in the history of the US who bled to death during a homebirth, or anything else you can imagine. More importantly than that, I have read the statistics on every one of these things. I have read articles from peer reviewed journals from around the world, and countries which have better birth outcomes than we have in the US, many of which have high rates of homebirth as well. My goal was to understand the situation for what it really is, and I think I do. This is where realism comes in. Could something bad happen? Yes. Will it? I don't know. Is it likely? Not at all. In fact, it is far more likely that I will be hit by a speeding car while trying to make a left on Zaragoza tomorrow as I take Erin to dance class, than it is that something will go wrong during my homebirth. Yet somehow, I drive Zaragoza multiple times a week, which is statistically far more dangerous than having a baby at home, and nobody bats an eye. The key is to put things in perspective, and understand them for what they are, not what society wants you to think they are. So no, I am not afraid. When you make the right decision, it isn't scary to follow through.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Do you fight, or do you get what you need?
It has come to light this week just how horrible the state of public schools is in this city. We have seven public school districts on the US side of our metro area, and each has their own specific issues, but all are absolutely horrible. They all look amazing on paper, and are completely terrible in practice. In some districts closer to post, it is the classic inner-city school issues, gang activity, race riots, sexual assaults, teachers having no control over the classrooms, principals who gave up years ago.... In the wealthier parts of town, it's administrative issues. One of our Ft. Bliss families had a death in their immediate family, and they were fined $160 and taken to court because the remaining kids missed four consecutive days of school. The schools in what is widely considered the best district here (overinflated home prices and all), are notoriously terrible to military families, issuing fines and hauling them into court if they miss school for what are usually considered extremely legitimate reasons. They don't do this to the civilians, but they do it to the military because they know we can pay the fines, and they also know they've got us by the proverbial balls since if we don't pay, they can get on the phone to a commander, and really screw with the soldier's career. (This is not unheard of.)
Bottom line, the families of this post have had enough. People are homeschooling in droves now, the charter schools and private schools have more applications than they know what to do with. People are not patronizing the public schools anymore. They are hounding our Garrison Commander for a DOD school on post. (Of course, this would only help the ones who live on post, which is only a tiny fraction of our post's population. I don't know if this has occurred to people.) I love that people are actually voting with their feet, and letting these terrible public schools know that we're not going to take it. They get more money for teaching military kids than they do for civilian kids, yet they treat military kids the worst. People have finally wised up, and are leaving the public schools in droves, because they see what I've seen all along. These people are getting fat off military dollars, while giving us nothing but the runaround in return.
The strange thing is that there is a contingent of people who thinks those of us who have pulled our kids out of these terrible schools, should have stayed and fought it, called for town hall meetings, dealt with military liasons within the districts, and things like that. I wonder if they've lost their minds. I watched Erin fall through the cracks in Ysleta ISD for six weeks, and that was more than enough. I got treated like a criminal by their awful administration people (Really, have you ever noticed that even the good public schools treat parents like garbage? That's the first thing I noticed that was different about charter school.) If we'd stayed there, she still would not have an IEP, and would not be making any of the progress she has made. But yeah, I should have stayed and fought a school we didn't like in the first place. Tell that also to all the parents whose kids have been the victims of all sorts of violence on a daily basis. Kids actually die in these schools multiple times a year. But yeah, everyone should just stick it out, and fight the system.
I am reminded of a common reaction that any homebirth mom is more familiar with than she wants to be. "Well, why are you resorting to homebirth? If you just fight the hospital, they'll leave you alone." I always shake my head when I hear this, because it can only come from the mouth of the most ignorant fool alive (lots of people tie for this honor). There is absolutely no way a homebirth mom can get what she wants in a hospital, because everything about hospital birth is diametrically different from homebirth, and even by setting foot in a facility that is not home at any point during labor, a homebirth mom compromises on something important. What's more, not having to fight to be left alone during labor is a huge reason a lot of people homebirth. It's one of the reasons I'm doing it. It was a huge reason I stayed at home for my entire labor with Orren. I just wanted to be left alone. Having to fight for that, is the complete opposite of getting it.
Both of these, the birth and the school, are things that I see no reason to fight for. I think people should just pick the option that's right for them in the first place, and go with that, rather than trying to be the proverbial square peg to society's round hole. Think about it. How much sense does it make to fight for something you don't even want in the first place? "I WANT TO KEEP MY KID IN YOUR HORRIBLE SCHOOL AND YOU WILL DO AS I SAY GODDAMN IT!!!!" or "I WILL GIVE BIRTH IN YOUR HORRIBLE HOSPITAL AND YOU WILL LEAVE ME ALONE GODDAMN IT!!!" What?? How much sense does that make when you can just find a better school, or a better birth place, and just do your thing?
Leave the fighting for things to the people who want to be there in the first place. If you don't, just find something better. People often won't understand. That's how you know you've been thinking outside the box.
Bottom line, the families of this post have had enough. People are homeschooling in droves now, the charter schools and private schools have more applications than they know what to do with. People are not patronizing the public schools anymore. They are hounding our Garrison Commander for a DOD school on post. (Of course, this would only help the ones who live on post, which is only a tiny fraction of our post's population. I don't know if this has occurred to people.) I love that people are actually voting with their feet, and letting these terrible public schools know that we're not going to take it. They get more money for teaching military kids than they do for civilian kids, yet they treat military kids the worst. People have finally wised up, and are leaving the public schools in droves, because they see what I've seen all along. These people are getting fat off military dollars, while giving us nothing but the runaround in return.
The strange thing is that there is a contingent of people who thinks those of us who have pulled our kids out of these terrible schools, should have stayed and fought it, called for town hall meetings, dealt with military liasons within the districts, and things like that. I wonder if they've lost their minds. I watched Erin fall through the cracks in Ysleta ISD for six weeks, and that was more than enough. I got treated like a criminal by their awful administration people (Really, have you ever noticed that even the good public schools treat parents like garbage? That's the first thing I noticed that was different about charter school.) If we'd stayed there, she still would not have an IEP, and would not be making any of the progress she has made. But yeah, I should have stayed and fought a school we didn't like in the first place. Tell that also to all the parents whose kids have been the victims of all sorts of violence on a daily basis. Kids actually die in these schools multiple times a year. But yeah, everyone should just stick it out, and fight the system.
I am reminded of a common reaction that any homebirth mom is more familiar with than she wants to be. "Well, why are you resorting to homebirth? If you just fight the hospital, they'll leave you alone." I always shake my head when I hear this, because it can only come from the mouth of the most ignorant fool alive (lots of people tie for this honor). There is absolutely no way a homebirth mom can get what she wants in a hospital, because everything about hospital birth is diametrically different from homebirth, and even by setting foot in a facility that is not home at any point during labor, a homebirth mom compromises on something important. What's more, not having to fight to be left alone during labor is a huge reason a lot of people homebirth. It's one of the reasons I'm doing it. It was a huge reason I stayed at home for my entire labor with Orren. I just wanted to be left alone. Having to fight for that, is the complete opposite of getting it.
Both of these, the birth and the school, are things that I see no reason to fight for. I think people should just pick the option that's right for them in the first place, and go with that, rather than trying to be the proverbial square peg to society's round hole. Think about it. How much sense does it make to fight for something you don't even want in the first place? "I WANT TO KEEP MY KID IN YOUR HORRIBLE SCHOOL AND YOU WILL DO AS I SAY GODDAMN IT!!!!" or "I WILL GIVE BIRTH IN YOUR HORRIBLE HOSPITAL AND YOU WILL LEAVE ME ALONE GODDAMN IT!!!" What?? How much sense does that make when you can just find a better school, or a better birth place, and just do your thing?
Leave the fighting for things to the people who want to be there in the first place. If you don't, just find something better. People often won't understand. That's how you know you've been thinking outside the box.
This is why you're fat, America.
I know why Americans are huge compared to the rest of the world. It is all clear to me after looking everywhere for recipes for good casseroles and other food items to freeze for after the birth. I even made the mistake of polling my friends. This made it even more apparent. Every single thing has condensed soup in it. Have you ever read the ingredients for condensed soup? You should. You will not be able to pronounce at least half of them. It's total artificial garbage, the kind of stuff that stores itself in your cells and makes your body stage a big coup against your conscious efforts to not become enormous.
Seriously, America, ditch the condensed soup. Have you ever actually taken the time to taste that stuff in the first place? It tastes like garbage. (Shocking.) How it became such a pervasive ingredient in our nation's kitchens is beyond my comprehension.
Repeat after me: "Simple white sauce." Butter, flour, milk. This will give the same consistency as condensed soup. It's a half decent substitute in some recipes, although it's rather hit or miss which ones.
Seriously, America, ditch the condensed soup. Have you ever actually taken the time to taste that stuff in the first place? It tastes like garbage. (Shocking.) How it became such a pervasive ingredient in our nation's kitchens is beyond my comprehension.
Repeat after me: "Simple white sauce." Butter, flour, milk. This will give the same consistency as condensed soup. It's a half decent substitute in some recipes, although it's rather hit or miss which ones.
Cloth diapering, and, uh, everybody.
With cloth diapering catching on wildly here, there have been some unexpected outcomes. I mean, I thought it would just be one of those things, like, people would buy some diapers after learning about the different types, and then, you know, put them on a baby and continue doing it until the baby learned to use the potty. It really was that simple for me. After figuring out that we wanted to cloth diaper Orren (whom we did not yet know was Orren at that point), I googled a lot, introduced Thak to Bum Genius all the way in Baghdad, and at his insistence, made our first purchase, Bum Genius, of course. Then I learned a bit more, bought a few more things, prepped them all, then stored them away in the linen closet until the baby was born. Secretly, I hoped I could do it, that I didn't hate it, that it worked out for us. I even created an exit for if it went horribly wrong. I added up how much I had spent, then figured out how many months' worth of Huggies that would have bought at Sam's Club or AAFES, and said that if, after trying it for that many months, we hated it, we could quit with a clear conscience, and lose nothing. Of course, we loved it and never quit, but we were a little nervous about it going in, and the main thing to us, was to actually put cloth diapers on the baby, and make a go of it. That was always job 1, and although it wasn't easy all the time, we succeeded.
It kind of seems like the point here is to have parties, write blogs about it (even if you haven't ever actually put a cloth diaper on a baby before, apparently), and to try to get people to shop at your favorite retailers. Oh, and the debate has begun.... how much is too much to spend on diapers? That's the million dollar question. Some people pride themselves on never spending over $10 on a single diaper (and these are not prefold users). I wonder if anyone notices that these are the same people who are always complaining about leaks. Others pride themselves on their expensive stashes. I can see the different camps forming, and it's strange to watch. I'm somewhere in the middle, honestly.
I'm in kind of a strange position right now. Not only am I the most experienced of the cloth diapering moms here, at two years and counting, but I'm on my way out, at least for a while. Orren is, at this moment, wearing a pair of cow print training pants. He only wears diapers when he sleeps these days. Having more experience, the idea isn't shiny and new anymore. I've heard, asked, and answered every one of the million dollar questions a dozen times. I don't want to go to a cloth diapering party every month. I don't want to talk about cloth diapers every time I get together with my friends for coffee. That great new thing you just discovered yesterday? It's been common knowledge for years. I already know what discount each retailer gives for military, and what code to input at checkout to get it. What's more, I no longer care why Michelle Duggar doesn't cloth diaper. That subject has been discussed to death, raised from the dead, and killed again 100 times on every cloth diapering board ever created.
I have my loyalties. I don't care that X retailer is owned by your friend from back home. I buy from Y retailer because they have been good to me over the years. I only buy American-made diapers, and I support small businesses. I don't care if it costs a little more than those cheap things out of China that you buy on Ebay. These days, with my stash of diapers completely sufficient for the rest of my days as a cloth diapering mom, I'm less about the super big discount on the big names as I am about the interesting colorways of Organic Bamboo Velour that some work-at-home-mom in Austin dyed in her garage, and then stitched up into fitteds that she's selling for $20 a pop on Hyenacart. I bid in my share of charity auctions as well. I'm at stash nirvana, and the things I add, I choose because they are beautiful. It's no longer a numbers game for me. That's not to say I don't remember when it was. It's just to say I'm not there anymore. I'm at a different phase of it now.
I would say I'm also out of the phase where I'm just dying to teach every living soul about it. I've explained the difference between AIO's and pockets 1000 times. I've pasted on the big fake smile and acted like I wasn't offended, when ignorant people implied that my house must reek of diapers because I use cloth, and said it was nasty to use them while out and about because we have to carry the used diapers with us. I've taught people nicely instead of schooling them hard about these things. I've even maintained my composure when people ask me how I kept the gunk from Orren's circumcision off our diapers (yes, typing the words "Orren's circumcision" totally made my skin crawl. Thank you for asking.) and I just nicely explain that we would never do that to our son, so they should probably google it.
I think the thing that really trips me out the most about this is that at least half the people who are so loud and proud about it have actually never put a cloth diaper on a baby before. They're getting ready to diaper babies that have been conceived, but not yet born. So basically, I guess I don't see how they're so loud and proud about it yet. When I was at that stage, I was honestly scared I wouldn't succeed. Now, after a couple years of experience, I have no doubt in my mind that every person alive can succeed at cloth diapering. I just wonder what half these people are going to do with their first bout of detergent build-up, or how they'll react if their kid is one of the rare ones who gets a yeast rash, or if they'll think cloth diapering on the road is so simple after they actually do it. It's just funny how overconfident, cocky even, a lot of our new cloth diapering moms are. It's very strange.
Don't get me wrong. I'm glad to see so many people cloth diapering. Hey, if nothing else, I'll have no trouble selling my diapers when the baby outgrows them. I just think it's gotten a wee bit, uh, batshit insane.
It kind of seems like the point here is to have parties, write blogs about it (even if you haven't ever actually put a cloth diaper on a baby before, apparently), and to try to get people to shop at your favorite retailers. Oh, and the debate has begun.... how much is too much to spend on diapers? That's the million dollar question. Some people pride themselves on never spending over $10 on a single diaper (and these are not prefold users). I wonder if anyone notices that these are the same people who are always complaining about leaks. Others pride themselves on their expensive stashes. I can see the different camps forming, and it's strange to watch. I'm somewhere in the middle, honestly.
I'm in kind of a strange position right now. Not only am I the most experienced of the cloth diapering moms here, at two years and counting, but I'm on my way out, at least for a while. Orren is, at this moment, wearing a pair of cow print training pants. He only wears diapers when he sleeps these days. Having more experience, the idea isn't shiny and new anymore. I've heard, asked, and answered every one of the million dollar questions a dozen times. I don't want to go to a cloth diapering party every month. I don't want to talk about cloth diapers every time I get together with my friends for coffee. That great new thing you just discovered yesterday? It's been common knowledge for years. I already know what discount each retailer gives for military, and what code to input at checkout to get it. What's more, I no longer care why Michelle Duggar doesn't cloth diaper. That subject has been discussed to death, raised from the dead, and killed again 100 times on every cloth diapering board ever created.
I have my loyalties. I don't care that X retailer is owned by your friend from back home. I buy from Y retailer because they have been good to me over the years. I only buy American-made diapers, and I support small businesses. I don't care if it costs a little more than those cheap things out of China that you buy on Ebay. These days, with my stash of diapers completely sufficient for the rest of my days as a cloth diapering mom, I'm less about the super big discount on the big names as I am about the interesting colorways of Organic Bamboo Velour that some work-at-home-mom in Austin dyed in her garage, and then stitched up into fitteds that she's selling for $20 a pop on Hyenacart. I bid in my share of charity auctions as well. I'm at stash nirvana, and the things I add, I choose because they are beautiful. It's no longer a numbers game for me. That's not to say I don't remember when it was. It's just to say I'm not there anymore. I'm at a different phase of it now.
I would say I'm also out of the phase where I'm just dying to teach every living soul about it. I've explained the difference between AIO's and pockets 1000 times. I've pasted on the big fake smile and acted like I wasn't offended, when ignorant people implied that my house must reek of diapers because I use cloth, and said it was nasty to use them while out and about because we have to carry the used diapers with us. I've taught people nicely instead of schooling them hard about these things. I've even maintained my composure when people ask me how I kept the gunk from Orren's circumcision off our diapers (yes, typing the words "Orren's circumcision" totally made my skin crawl. Thank you for asking.) and I just nicely explain that we would never do that to our son, so they should probably google it.
I think the thing that really trips me out the most about this is that at least half the people who are so loud and proud about it have actually never put a cloth diaper on a baby before. They're getting ready to diaper babies that have been conceived, but not yet born. So basically, I guess I don't see how they're so loud and proud about it yet. When I was at that stage, I was honestly scared I wouldn't succeed. Now, after a couple years of experience, I have no doubt in my mind that every person alive can succeed at cloth diapering. I just wonder what half these people are going to do with their first bout of detergent build-up, or how they'll react if their kid is one of the rare ones who gets a yeast rash, or if they'll think cloth diapering on the road is so simple after they actually do it. It's just funny how overconfident, cocky even, a lot of our new cloth diapering moms are. It's very strange.
Don't get me wrong. I'm glad to see so many people cloth diapering. Hey, if nothing else, I'll have no trouble selling my diapers when the baby outgrows them. I just think it's gotten a wee bit, uh, batshit insane.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Hey, it's for a good cause.
If you should happen to feel like bidding on some really cute cloth diapers (you can even give them to me if you win! Ha! It was worth a try....) for a really great cause, the Cloth Diaper Foundation is having a charity auction on Hyenacart. Click here to see it. I am currently the leading bidder on the Gen-Y Universal cover in Free Range, and the Piper's Closet one-size AI2 in Ooga Booga. I love both of these brands, and would love to win these items, so in that way, I hope nobody outbids me. Even better, it supports a great cause, so to that end, it would be really cool if someone swooped in and blew my bids out of the water.
So why should you bid in this auction? Well, it supports a great organization. The Cloth Diaper Foundation does something amazing for hardworking families all over the US. They provide them with cloth diapers for just the cost of shipping, then they just return them when they're no longer using them, and they go out to another family. Everyone who cloth diapers knows that the worst part about it is the start-up costs. These can be prohibitive even for very middle-class families at times, so imagine how hard it would be to get started cloth diapering, for families who can benefit the most from the financial savings that cloth diapering provides, those who are low income. It can seem absolutely impossible. That's where the Cloth Diaper Foundation steps in. For the cost of shipping, they will send a box of diapers to qualifying families, for them to use as long as they need them. Most of the time, this serves as a hand up to these families, freeing up a little bit of cash for them to build their own stash of cloth diapers, at which point they will no longer need the loaned diapers anymore. Some families diaper their children entirely in the diapers from the Cloth Diaper Foundation. Both ways are great because it takes the financial burden of disposable diapering off of these families, and it keeps hundreds of tons of waste out of the landfills every year.
The problem is that the Cloth Diaper Foundation runs only on donations. The diapers they send out have mostly been donated by either individuals who have finished with their cloth diapers, or by cloth diapering retailers. The costs of operating the organization are donated by individuals, and all work is done by volunteers. Unfortunately, with these tough economic times, need has outmatched donations, and the Cloth Diaper Foundation has been on the verge of closing its doors for the past year. The cloth diapering community has come together, and thanks to families donating what we're able, and some great companies (like Gen-Y Diapers, and Rockin Green Soap) matching those donations, the Foundation has stayed open and continued to help keep babies in cloth. They're not out of the woods yet, though. There is still more need than there is money, and that's where this auction comes in. All these items have been donated by various companies and even individuals, to try to raise money for the Cloth Diaper Foundation. Should you choose to bid, you will be helping families to cloth diaper, and we all know what a great thing that is.
So why should you bid in this auction? Well, it supports a great organization. The Cloth Diaper Foundation does something amazing for hardworking families all over the US. They provide them with cloth diapers for just the cost of shipping, then they just return them when they're no longer using them, and they go out to another family. Everyone who cloth diapers knows that the worst part about it is the start-up costs. These can be prohibitive even for very middle-class families at times, so imagine how hard it would be to get started cloth diapering, for families who can benefit the most from the financial savings that cloth diapering provides, those who are low income. It can seem absolutely impossible. That's where the Cloth Diaper Foundation steps in. For the cost of shipping, they will send a box of diapers to qualifying families, for them to use as long as they need them. Most of the time, this serves as a hand up to these families, freeing up a little bit of cash for them to build their own stash of cloth diapers, at which point they will no longer need the loaned diapers anymore. Some families diaper their children entirely in the diapers from the Cloth Diaper Foundation. Both ways are great because it takes the financial burden of disposable diapering off of these families, and it keeps hundreds of tons of waste out of the landfills every year.
The problem is that the Cloth Diaper Foundation runs only on donations. The diapers they send out have mostly been donated by either individuals who have finished with their cloth diapers, or by cloth diapering retailers. The costs of operating the organization are donated by individuals, and all work is done by volunteers. Unfortunately, with these tough economic times, need has outmatched donations, and the Cloth Diaper Foundation has been on the verge of closing its doors for the past year. The cloth diapering community has come together, and thanks to families donating what we're able, and some great companies (like Gen-Y Diapers, and Rockin Green Soap) matching those donations, the Foundation has stayed open and continued to help keep babies in cloth. They're not out of the woods yet, though. There is still more need than there is money, and that's where this auction comes in. All these items have been donated by various companies and even individuals, to try to raise money for the Cloth Diaper Foundation. Should you choose to bid, you will be helping families to cloth diaper, and we all know what a great thing that is.
What's the plan?
There's one question I keep getting a lot, and it actually kind of makes me giggle. People keep asking what the plan is for my homebirth. Funny enough, the one person who hasn't asked me this is Alyson, the one who's going to be filling the roles of adviser and lifeguard (aka midwife) for this process. Oh, and Thak hasn't asked either. I just realized that. Everyone else, though, is curious about the ins and outs of this homebirth, and how exactly we're going to do this. They always ask, "So what's the plan for your homebirth?" and my response is something like, "Uh....... what do you mean?" because I really am not entirely sure what they want to know.
Some people want to know what happens if something goes wrong. (Most of the time Alyson can handle complications at home, but in that 1% if the time when she can't, we'll go to the hospital.) Others want to know what we do with the placenta. (Bury it in the garden most likely.) A surprising number of people want to know how we would get the baby circumcised if it's a boy. (Simple. We wouldn't.) A few are curious as to how we get a birth certificate. (Alyson fills out the paperwork for us.)
More than any of that, people just want to know how it's going to go. People know that when you have a hospital birth, you wait until the contractions are X minutes apart, then you go to the hospital, get rushed to the maternity ward in a wheelchair, and are given a bed, strapped to monitors, and poked with an IV. Then the nurses come in and do cervical checks every couple hours or so, and things are pretty much out of your hands. People just plain don't know what a homebirth looks like, or what you do. I would say it looks a great deal like a birth center birth. (Technologically, a birth center birth and a homebirth are identical. A good birth center birth is really just a homebirth in someone else's house.) Of course, most people don't really know what a birth center birth is like either, so that analogy doesn't really work very well most of the time.
The funny thing is, I have no answer. I don't know if I will have a waterbirth (everyone wants to know if that's in the plans). I probably won't. It really didn't work out very well for me last time. If I had to guess, I would say I will labor in water a lot of the time, because that has worked very well for me in the past. I cannot tell you what positions I will like, because what is comfortable, productive, and beneficial, really depends on the baby's positioning, and I don't know how the baby will be positioned yet. I cannot tell you what foods I will want to eat, only that there will be food, and I will be eating it (this blows people's minds for some reason). I can tell you that I'm going to have a ton of blue Gatorade, because I loved it when I was in labor with Orren, but I don't even know if I'll love it this time. For all I know, I'll only want water, or sweet tea, or grape juice, and I'll leave the blue Gatorade to everyone else.
I don't like birth plans on the whole. It's not because I think they're infeasible, or impractical, or that they set people up for false hope of a labor they will never have. These are the mainstream arguments against birth plans. No, my reason for disliking birth plans is a lot simpler. Beyond a few very significant things, I just don't know what I'll want in that moment. My birth plan for Orren's birth quite literally looked like this:
YES: Birth tub, delayed cord clamping, breastfeeding.
NO: drugs, IV, instrument assisted delivery, circumcision, vitamin K injection, eye ointment.
Because really, those are the only things I can truly be certain of. Everything else comes down to what seems like a good idea at the time. A big part of choosing the right midwife, is feeling pretty certain that you've invited someone into your birth who isn't going to need a 3 page long birth plan in order to be on the same page as you are. It's about getting your birth team right from the start, rather than having to fight for your voice to be heard at the end. My birth plan began to be written at 7 weeks when I met with Alyson for the first time, and found our views on the things that are important to me about birth, to be compatible. I spoke with other midwives as well, but they were not right for me. Rather than agonizing over a lengthy birth plan at the end, I spent a month at the beginning interviewing every midwife in town, and finding the one who was just right for me. Choosing the right practitioner from the start, will save a lot of trouble at the end.
Now, this isn't to say nobody should ever write a birth plan. If you want to write a birth plan, you should write one. I've always just found them to be difficult because when you're not even in labor yet, it's kind of hard to know what you'll want to do when the time comes. I've also found them to be largely unnecessary if you've chosen the right practitioner to assist you with your birth in the first place.
Homebirth. Me. Thak. Alyson.
That's the plan.
Some people want to know what happens if something goes wrong. (Most of the time Alyson can handle complications at home, but in that 1% if the time when she can't, we'll go to the hospital.) Others want to know what we do with the placenta. (Bury it in the garden most likely.) A surprising number of people want to know how we would get the baby circumcised if it's a boy. (Simple. We wouldn't.) A few are curious as to how we get a birth certificate. (Alyson fills out the paperwork for us.)
More than any of that, people just want to know how it's going to go. People know that when you have a hospital birth, you wait until the contractions are X minutes apart, then you go to the hospital, get rushed to the maternity ward in a wheelchair, and are given a bed, strapped to monitors, and poked with an IV. Then the nurses come in and do cervical checks every couple hours or so, and things are pretty much out of your hands. People just plain don't know what a homebirth looks like, or what you do. I would say it looks a great deal like a birth center birth. (Technologically, a birth center birth and a homebirth are identical. A good birth center birth is really just a homebirth in someone else's house.) Of course, most people don't really know what a birth center birth is like either, so that analogy doesn't really work very well most of the time.
The funny thing is, I have no answer. I don't know if I will have a waterbirth (everyone wants to know if that's in the plans). I probably won't. It really didn't work out very well for me last time. If I had to guess, I would say I will labor in water a lot of the time, because that has worked very well for me in the past. I cannot tell you what positions I will like, because what is comfortable, productive, and beneficial, really depends on the baby's positioning, and I don't know how the baby will be positioned yet. I cannot tell you what foods I will want to eat, only that there will be food, and I will be eating it (this blows people's minds for some reason). I can tell you that I'm going to have a ton of blue Gatorade, because I loved it when I was in labor with Orren, but I don't even know if I'll love it this time. For all I know, I'll only want water, or sweet tea, or grape juice, and I'll leave the blue Gatorade to everyone else.
I don't like birth plans on the whole. It's not because I think they're infeasible, or impractical, or that they set people up for false hope of a labor they will never have. These are the mainstream arguments against birth plans. No, my reason for disliking birth plans is a lot simpler. Beyond a few very significant things, I just don't know what I'll want in that moment. My birth plan for Orren's birth quite literally looked like this:
YES: Birth tub, delayed cord clamping, breastfeeding.
NO: drugs, IV, instrument assisted delivery, circumcision, vitamin K injection, eye ointment.
Because really, those are the only things I can truly be certain of. Everything else comes down to what seems like a good idea at the time. A big part of choosing the right midwife, is feeling pretty certain that you've invited someone into your birth who isn't going to need a 3 page long birth plan in order to be on the same page as you are. It's about getting your birth team right from the start, rather than having to fight for your voice to be heard at the end. My birth plan began to be written at 7 weeks when I met with Alyson for the first time, and found our views on the things that are important to me about birth, to be compatible. I spoke with other midwives as well, but they were not right for me. Rather than agonizing over a lengthy birth plan at the end, I spent a month at the beginning interviewing every midwife in town, and finding the one who was just right for me. Choosing the right practitioner from the start, will save a lot of trouble at the end.
Now, this isn't to say nobody should ever write a birth plan. If you want to write a birth plan, you should write one. I've always just found them to be difficult because when you're not even in labor yet, it's kind of hard to know what you'll want to do when the time comes. I've also found them to be largely unnecessary if you've chosen the right practitioner to assist you with your birth in the first place.
Homebirth. Me. Thak. Alyson.
That's the plan.
I don't hate Valentine's Day.
It kind of bugs me that the socially acceptable thing to do is to hate Valentine's Day, proclaim it a Hallmark holiday, total BS, and not worth anyone's time. I get it. If you're single, it probably sucks (although when I was single, it was a great day to go drinking at seedy dive bars with friends), and if your husband is deployed, it definitely sucks, but I don't hate it. Here's why.
You see, this is me and Thak's 8th Valentine's Day. Of those, he's only missed one. It's the only holiday the Army always left us, except once, toward the end of his 3rd tour in Iraq, but even then it didn't suck too bad because he was coming home on R&R just a few weeks later, so we were mostly just focusing on that.
The Army has taken the vast majority of holidays from us through deployments, the field, TDY's, and even him getting called in at odd hours to bail some stupid lower-enlisted idiot out of jail on Christmas or Easter because they got drunk and drove around town like that. Sometimes it was almost as if it were blatantly planned so that we'd lose out on something we'd rather have had, like when he had to go to the field for two days, and one of those days was my birthday, or when his 3rd tour went just long enough that he missed two of his birthdays and two anniversaries during a single deployment. Of course, none of this is really blatant planning on Uncle Sam's part. It's just bad luck. But it happens a lot.
So no, I don't hate Valentine's Day. That's because it's the one holiday Uncle Sam has almost always left us when he's taken everything else more times than not. We like it because we have it.
And I like my very big box of Godiva chocolates that Thak got me this year. Yes I do!! (And he loves his super sweet vintage Vikings shirt that I got him!)
You see, this is me and Thak's 8th Valentine's Day. Of those, he's only missed one. It's the only holiday the Army always left us, except once, toward the end of his 3rd tour in Iraq, but even then it didn't suck too bad because he was coming home on R&R just a few weeks later, so we were mostly just focusing on that.
The Army has taken the vast majority of holidays from us through deployments, the field, TDY's, and even him getting called in at odd hours to bail some stupid lower-enlisted idiot out of jail on Christmas or Easter because they got drunk and drove around town like that. Sometimes it was almost as if it were blatantly planned so that we'd lose out on something we'd rather have had, like when he had to go to the field for two days, and one of those days was my birthday, or when his 3rd tour went just long enough that he missed two of his birthdays and two anniversaries during a single deployment. Of course, none of this is really blatant planning on Uncle Sam's part. It's just bad luck. But it happens a lot.
So no, I don't hate Valentine's Day. That's because it's the one holiday Uncle Sam has almost always left us when he's taken everything else more times than not. We like it because we have it.
And I like my very big box of Godiva chocolates that Thak got me this year. Yes I do!! (And he loves his super sweet vintage Vikings shirt that I got him!)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Baby's first Fluffymail!
No, we're not buying a ton of new diapers just for the baby since we already have so many, but we figured we'd buy a few more covers since we had a very minimal number of those all along. I also found these gorgeous Organic Bamboo Velour fitteds, which are one-size, so I thought Orren would use them for a little while, then the baby could. In the week between me ordering them and them arriving on our doorstep, though, Orren decided he wanted to potty train, which is awesome with us, of course, but it also means he will never wear these fitteds. That's ok, though. They're gorgeous for the new baby.
So anyhow, this is the baby's first fluffymail, the first diapers bought just for the him/her. It's two Piper's Closet Organic Bamboo Velour fitteds in the colorways Jungle and Earth, and two Gen-Y covers in Sushi Toss (which Orren already has in a size XL, but this one is a size S for the baby) and Serenity (a new print).
So anyhow, this is the baby's first fluffymail, the first diapers bought just for the him/her. It's two Piper's Closet Organic Bamboo Velour fitteds in the colorways Jungle and Earth, and two Gen-Y covers in Sushi Toss (which Orren already has in a size XL, but this one is a size S for the baby) and Serenity (a new print).
Busy, busy Saturday!!
We went to our very last Active Duty dog and pony show yesterday. Honestly, as far as the Army's dog and pony shows go, it wasn't bad. It was a doozy, though. It was for the entire brigade. (OK, think of unit structure: Squad-Platoon-Company-Battalion-Brigade-Division. A brigade is like 1/4 of a Division. It's thousands and thousands of soldiers.) They had live bands, a free steak lunch provided by The Great American Beef Battalion (cattle ranchers who travel the world giving free steaks to troops), all kinds of giveaways, tons of stuff for the kids to do, and all kinds of other stuff. It was long, from 9 am to 3 pm, so almost a full duty day on a Saturday, but we hung out with some friends, and the time passed quickly. We ended up leaving an hour early, though, because honestly, with Thak only having 30 more days until he is on terminal leave, nobody really cares where he is anymore, and by that time, the kids were exhausted, and needed to rest because we had other plans for that night.
The minute Orren sat down in his carseat, he was out cold, but we ran around town and did just a few more things, but then we went home and got ready for our actual plans for yesterday, which had been in the works for some time! You see, world champion bull rider Tuff Hedeman is from El Paso, and he's now got this world class bull riding federation that he is in charge of, so you KNOW there's going to be a tour stop in El Paso. Uh, yeah, it was last night! You think we got tickets? You bet! World class rodeo comes to town, we're totally going. Of course, like all things like that, it started at 8 pm, at which point the kids would normally be in bed, but we took them anyway. It was awesome. They loved it. Unfortunately, traffic was insane getting there (you have to figure, all of West Texas, Southern New Mexico, and Northern Mexico is going to try to get there. It ALWAYS sells out fast. I preordered our tickets to be on the safe side.), and we were a little late getting in. We got there just in time see the one competitor from Florida (and of course a ton of others, too), though! He was from Williston, no less!! That's so close to where we are from. In fact, the shirt Thak was wearing, I bought him at a western store in Williston. Anyhow, the Floridian cowboy didn't win, but if he had, that was about the only thing that would have made it any cooler than it already was. It was definitely the best rodeo any of us had ever been to, and we will go again anytime they come back to El Paso, no question!
Here are Erin and Orren ready to go to the rodeo:
And in case you wondered, the ability to totally rock this look is, in fact, hereditary. Like father, like son!
You can't see here, but I was wearing boots, too!
And here we are, about 11 pm, getting home from the rodeo. He was all tuckered out after a big evening of bulls, and clapping and yelling, and he went right to bed and slept until about 9 am.
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