"I accept the bare minimum for my country"

There is one mentality among military wives that I really don't get. It's expecting the bare minimum from their husbands because, "at least he's home!" or "at least he's alive!" I have always expected more from Thak than being home and having a pulse. I'm sorry, if that were the only requirement I had for a husband, I could have married absolutely anybody. I understand being grateful for the little things after having a year at a time taken away from you, repeatedly, but at the same time, I'm tired of how this has turned into an excuse for male soldiers to just do nothing, because their wives should just be grateful they're at home and they're alive.

I know more about male soldiers than most wives do. I served with hundreds of them, and did it for enough time that they forgot I was there. (Really, female soldiers come to be regarded as one of the guys after a while.) I know male soldiers. They will take what they can get, and do what they can get away with. If their wives are saying, "Oh, it's ok that you forgot my birthday again. At least you're alive." I would bet you $100 right here and now that that soldier never again remembers his wife's birthday. That's just one example, but it's true of every occasion and interaction. If you sell yourself short, and take the bare bones minimum just because he's at home and he's alive, he is getting off scot free, telling all his buddies about it, and knows what a sweet deal it is. There is a pretty well defined line between grateful and stupid. Being grateful that your husband is home and alive is one thing, and honestly, after nearly losing Thak as many times as I have, every morning I wake up next to him, I'm totally grateful for that, but that doesn't mean that for the rest of his life, being here and having a pulse is enough. No way. I'm worth more than that, and it doesn't make me a bad person for not accepting the bare minimum from him just because he's been deployed before and had more than his share of close calls.

I also have to note what an unbelievable double standard this is. You NEVER hear of female soldiers regarded the same way. Female soldiers are still expected to be good wives, moms, girlfriends, or whatever else they may be, and it doesn't matter if they've been deployed 100 times. Nobody's going to cut a female soldier any slack when it comes to what's expected of her in her off duty life. Male soldiers get away with a ton, and believe me, they know it.

Don't accept the bare minimum. Insist that he remember holidays and your birthday, and stuff like that. Even if he's gone, he can do something. I'll also let you in on a little something else about male soldiers. They value you more if you have expectations of them. Remember.... I've been the proverbial fly on the wall. Don't sell yourself short just because he's a soldier.