Four covers for four cymbals.

It was a bit symbolic, but recently, I sold my last four diaper covers in a size Small to a friend who lives out of state. With the money in my paypal account, I purchased a set of Saroyan Zills. Those are finger cymbals that you use while belly dancing.

Dancing is the first thing I've done in years that was just for me. For the longest, everything was for the kids, or for Thak, or for the kids and Thak... I had no hobbies, no outside interests, nothing. There was really no space or time for that. Then this dance thing sort of came to me, and I gave it a try because a lot of my friends love it. Turns out that I love it, too, and it's great for me. It's fun, of course, and it gives a lot of confidence. It's gotten me sort of out of the house, and to do something that I do, not just what the kids do.

It also kind of marks the first step out of the baby phase, for good. Of course, we still have a ways to go for Chai to be a baby, but he's not in a size Small in diapers anymore, so that's one small step along the way. Previously, whenever I have sold diapers, I have bought more. Now, I don't have to. I have no reason to. I sell them, and I use that money for something else, something for the next phase.

Four diaper covers for four brass finger cymbals. Good trade.

Avocado for all!

Chai is 5 months old, which is younger than it's really recommended to start solids, but not so young that they say it's horrible. Thak leaves in a week for Maryland, and will be gone four months, and he wanted to be involved in Chai's first food experience. I didn't think that was asking much, so I got some avocado for the bebe Chai, and we let him do with it what he would! Mostly, he played with it, which is what's expected of somebody his age. He did get it in his mouth somewhat, and seemed to really like the taste of it.

He's still relying fully on breastmilk for his nutrition, which is exactly what he should be doing at his age, but it's cool that he liked the avocado. We'll let him play with food again before long, probably avocado again, maybe zucchini.

This is a technique called Baby-Led Weaning. The name is a bit misleading, since we are definitely NOT weaning from the breast. The plan is to nurse at least two years, so no, weaning itself has not entered our vocabulary at this point. Baby-Led Weaning is a method of starting solids, which consists of offering REAL food, not cereals and purees, because when a baby is ready to digest food, he will be able to eat real foods. Avocado is the most common first food, because it is soft, non-allergenic, and most babies like the taste. Banana slices are another common first food. I am also rather partial to zucchini. Anything soft will work. The idea is that the baby can gum the food, and get used to different tastes and textures right from the start, and also not be forced to eat more solids than they are really ready for. It makes a lot of sense. So there you have it. This is a pretty standard "I'm starting solids!" picture for someone who does Baby-Led Weaning.

Oh, and you know you love his Gators shirt!

Vinegar stinks. Here's a fix.

Cleaning products are expensive. Not to mention many of them are full of harmful chemicals. The ones that aren't, are even more expensive. Vinegar is a good fix for this, as it is effective, cheap, and free of harmful chemicals. However, let's face it. Vinegar stinks. I cleaned with vinegar in my old house, and seriously, to this day, our garage, where a lot of our stuff that was in that house is stored, smells like pickles. I love pickles, but I can think of about a million things I'd rather my house smell like.

A couple weeks ago, a friend gave me the answer to this problem. She has an eco-friendly cleaning service, and one of her most popular cleaners that all her clients love the smell of is made of vinegar and citrus peels. It's so easy to make, too! You just take vinegar, and put it in a jar with a bunch of citrus peels, and let it sit for two weeks. Then, to use it, you dilute it with water. Then you have all the good of cleaning with vinegar, without the stink!

I made some, and used it today for the first time. It worked great!

Pajamas are for sleeping.

I have no idea why this has come up in conversation so much in the past few days, but it has. What is up with people thinking it's a good idea to wear pajamas wherever they go? I'm not saying everybody needs to dress for a cocktail party to drop their kid off at school or run to the grocery store, but I really didn't know that it is considered effort to put on a pair of jeans and a shirt.

In case anyone didn't know, the rest of the world thinks we Americans are a bunch of lazy bastards. Wearing pajamas everywhere, and actually thinking that is a defensible thing to do, only feeds into that. I know that most Americans really aren't lazy. I'm sure you do, too. That's not the impression the rest of the world has of us, though, and maybe our lax approach to clothing has some hand in that. You know, jeans used to be considered as slacker-like as pajamas are considered today. Now they are considered normal, the standard, I guess. Like, if you're not dressed up, but you are dressed, you're in jeans. They're like, the American uniform. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that! I love jeans, and am wearing some right now. Even so, our current American uniform used to be considered really overly casual, and a little bit slacker-like even, so if the same pattern continues, will we expect pajamas to become the new American uniform, as jeans are now, in 20 years? Will it actually become socially acceptable to just not bother getting dressed in the morning?

If a lot of people have their way, it will become acceptable to do just that. It has already gotten to the point that if you say anything about it being less than acceptable to go out in town in your pajamas, you're the jerk, not the person who couldn't be bothered to get dressed in the morning. It's taken as acceptable behavior for a busy mom.

However, I offer this perspective. I am a busy mom. I have a husband who works constantly, and is soon to be working constantly in another state, maybe another country. I have pretty much raised my kids by myself between his long hours, his deployments, and all that. I have three kids. One of them is learning disabled, and pretty much incapable of following anything but the simplest instructions, so getting her ready in the morning is work. She also goes to a school with very rigid dress code standards, so when she gets dressed, it's got to be right, and she tries to get one over on the system pretty much every day. My next kid is a young preschool age boy who pitches a fit every morning when we have to leave, and absolutely cannot stand it when any of the other kids gets any attention at all. My final kid is a baby, whom I am breastfeeding. He wakes up at 4 every morning, and nurses for three hours. Erin also goes to a school in a different part of the city than where we live, so we have to get out the door earlier than the people whose kids go to the schools in their neighborhoods (this comprises easily 95% of the population of El Paso). I have never once left the house in pajamas, and Erin has never been late to school because I had to get dressed. Erin has been late to school because of a wreck on the freeway that backed up traffic. She has been late to school because of her own terrible attitude and refusal to move fast enough to get out the door on time. She has been late because some idiot in the drop-off line wouldn't move out of the way fast enough for me to drop her off before the bell rang. She has NEVER been late because I took the required two seconds to put on a pair of jeans.

I don't know, you guys... It just seems ridiculous to me that so many people are now trying to defend the position of wearing pajamas in public. There are some things that will never be socially acceptable, no matter how busy or tired you are.

Something new, fun, and fabulous!

So, practically everyone I know is into belly dancing. It was only a matter of time before I got in on that as well. So basically, when I got invited to join in with a new group that's just starting here, I jumped at the chance. It's not a class, per say, just girls who get together to dance, and the ones who know what they're doing teach us newbies as we go. One girl is a certified instructor, though, so we are learning a lot.

Orren and Chai joined me for this morning's dancing, and had a blast. Yes, Orren is wearing a coin scarf. What kid wouldn't love that?! It's jingly, and shiny, and fun!

So... the war's over.

The President finally announced what we all have known for a while now. The Iraq war is officially over. All troops will be out of there before the year is out. This is undeniably great news.

It's weird, though. That war owned my family's entire life for years. From the moment it began until six months ago, it was a huge part of our lives. Thak spent so much time in Iraq that it was actually fairly recent that we reached the point that we'd spent 50% of the time we've been together, actually physically in the same place. That's saying something when you consider that Thak and I aren't a new thing.

I guess maybe it's because the troops who are being given the biggest heroes' welcome home, are the ones who have mostly done the least. Sure, there are troops in those units who have done multiple tours, but it isn't the majority. Most of the troops I know who are there are brand new, or just pulled from non-deploying assignments to get combat command experience. They'll get a patch showing that they were there. They'll get the parades and the news stories. They'll get all the thanks and congratulations.

Where were those guys during the invasion, when SFC Paul Ray Smith laid down his life for his platoon, and earned the Medal of Honor in the battle at the airport? Where were they when Ramadi was a constant firestorm? Where were they when a FOB south of Baghdad was called The Shooting Gallery because it rained mortars night and day? They were not there. Thak was. A lot of other people we know were. They are the ones who fought and won that war, if it can be said that it was won.

War is not about glory. That's one of the first things you learn. I do find it pretty ironic, though, that the ones who will always live with the war, are not the ones who are being congratulated for ending it. Not that most want the attention anyway. I know Thak really doesn't. It's just ironic.

Big, fat, major decisions.

Thak was hired by a civilian contracting firm a couple weeks ago. The job they took him on for is one that deploys, although if he gets the assignment they're trying to put him into, it would be years before he would deploy. The days leading up to him getting the call that he was hired, we both had vivid dreams that we were back in Georgia. There are a lot more signs pointing to that assignment as well. I'll tell more about that in a minute.

A week after he was hired by the contracting firm, a series of events at his current job lead to him being offered a position as lead technician in another part of the dealership. It would not pay as much as the civilian contractor job, but it would pay enough for us to live on. Not to mention, becoming a lead tech in only six months is an unheard of rate of advancement, so when this offer came in, we were sort of floored as to what to do. We talked with a few relatives, mostly to get outside perspective, and to make sure we had considered every angle on our pro/con list that we had made already. All the people we talked with raised great points we had not thought of, so it's good that we got them in on it.

The strange part is that the same day Thak got the offer of the lead tech job, the kids and I all were seeing very clear signs that we were going back to Georgia. We had to go out, and the whole time we were out, the radio played nothing but songs by people from GA. We saw like 10 cars with GA plates, Liberty County no less! Orren even asked out of the blue, "Mommy, we have a big tree when we move Georgia?" (We hadn't discussed the possibility of moving there with him, so that was a big one. The boy who was born in Georgia, and whose name means pine tree, asks for a big tree in Georgia.) So when Thak got home from work an hour late that day, I was about to tell him all about our great day of signs showing that we were going back to GA. He walks through the door with a very serious look on his face and says, "Babe, there's something we have to talk about." My mind raced with 1000 possibilities, because those words are almost never good. Then he told me what had happened at work, leading to the lead tech in the other part of the shop being fired, and how his boss had offered him the job. Basically, it was a very freak accident that Corporate looked at as negligence. It's the type of thing you NEVER hear of happening. (No, nobody was hurt, thank goodness, but two cars were damaged.) The timing was almost too coincidental for it not to also be taken as a sign.

Both jobs have significant positives and significant negatives. The civilian contractor position would send us somewhere we want to live, it pays significantly more, and the hours are more what we are used to. It deploys, though. The lead tech job does not deploy, and puts Thak on a good track to become a foreman or a manager in a few years. However, we would be just scraping by financially, and it would be hard to dig out of the hole we've gotten into after six months of crappy pay. A positive and a negative of the lead tech position would be staying in El Paso. We have a lot of friends here, and are starting to make a lot of civilian and ex-military friends in the local area, and have begun to find connections for organic produce and stuff like that, but we actually kind of hate it here. Living in the desert wears on you when you are from somewhere green and pretty, and it's not good for Thak since it looks just like Iraq.

We considered everything very thoroughly, and frankly, we were pretty stumped on what to do, but by yesterday afternoon, we had stalled as long as we were able to stall, and we had to make a decision. It was hard to do, and we were hesitant because there is so much pulling us in both directions. Ultimately, though, we went with the option that brought us the most peace of mind, and if things go the way they appear to be going, and our luck holds out, we will arrive in Georgia when the flowers in the swamp are just starting to bloom.

The signs are too much. Sure, it could all be coincidence, but if it is, then that's a lot of coincidence to stack up in one place. Look at this:

Thak's official hire date is the same as his buddy Brady's hire date, just Brady's is 3 years earlier. Also, that hire date is 11-7, which adds up to 18, which is twice 9, which has consistently proven to be a highly lucky number for us. (All things that have worked out well for us have been full of 9's, and this is full of 9's.)

The brigade that has an opening in GA just got a new Colonel. I found this out from the brigade's website. I saw a picture of the Colonel and his wife during the change of command ceremony. They're an Asian guy white girl couple, just like me and Thak. It's not exactly a common pairing, so that was a neat coincidence as well.

Yesterday, when a decision had to be made about the lead tech job, we got a lot of official information from the contracting firm, information we had been waiting on before making a final decision. The fact that it came in just an hour before Thak had to give his manager an answer made us feel like we were drawn in that direction.

Brady called Thak, and told him that corporate had called him (to discuss Thak). He and his wife congratulated us and welcomed us aboard, but we also found out that Thak's training is 4 months, not 3. That's interesting because now, providing we do go back to GA, we will arrive three years TO THE DAY after we left. Not only is the date interesting (3-18, square root of nine and twice nine), but the fact that it has been three years is also interesting (3 being the square root of 9).

Our decision process may sound funny, but honestly, it was this, or flip a coin. We had two very good options set before us, both of which came with significant costs. Both will be equally good for our family, but in different ways. We had to decide any way we could, and ultimately, we went with our gut feeling, and chose the civilian contractor job. With luck, we will find out soon that we ARE going to GA, and can start looking for a little piece of swamp land and a Low Country house to call our own.

Attachment? Uh! What is is good for? Absolutely everything!

I am so horrified that this thing that happened hours and hours ago is still bothering me really badly. There's a girl I know. In fact, she lives about a block from me. We don't really hang out, as she's not really my type, but we're in a lot of the same groups, and have a lot of mutual friends, so she's an acquaintance of mine.

Well, today she said something in a little online group that 10 of us have, which brought to a head something I have been thinking for a long time. I'll just copy and paste it here.

"dear child. just take your damn nap already. this screaming and crying because you can't cling to me right now, is ridiculous. you just ate, your diaper is clean, we rocked and you fell asleep..i laid you down now your up screaming bloody murder panic. I WILL WIN!"

She always talks about how "she will win", when it comes to this kid. It's about everything, but the idea I get is, "I will beat you into submission one way or another, you tiny defenseless baby!" The baby is 9 months old, by the way. Seriously. This woman is obsessed with trying to defeat a 9-month-old who is panicking. How pathetic is that? I know I'm not the only one who was really bothered by this either. Nearly everybody who saw it was. Before I knew that, even, I replied, because honestly, I'd sat silently for long enough, and all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing, so I spoke up, because hell, somebody had to do it. This is what I said:

"Chai always has a hard time going to sleep, too. When he wakes up, I just nurse him some more, or if he won't latch on, we just rock a while longer. Babies need strong attachment to their mommies. If they are crying, it is because there is a need, even if it's just the need for company or comfort. This is not about winning."

I think I was very nice, considering that this woman uses parenting "styles" that I, and most people I respect, equate to child abuse, like letting babies cry it out. A bunch of us actually believe she probably hits the baby, too, although we have no proof. It's a horrible situation all in all, and I was as nice as I could possibly be to somebody whom I frankly think is a horrible monster. This is what she had to say back to me:

Well, I'm not attachment mommy, it's her nap time, she always naps on this schedule. I did the CIO method, worked. Today she's in a funk. She's super tired rubbing her eyes and cranky.
a few seconds ago · Like

Have I told you that I'm horrified? I am. I'm completely horrified. Maybe it's because I was nursing Chai to sleep when this interaction went down. Maybe it's because I'd just come from my La Leche League meeting, where there were only really positive nice people, who are as nice to their babies as I am to mine. Maybe it's just because I know how fast the baby stage goes by, and how before you know it, that baby is 8 years old, and really is giving you attitude and expressing her own opinions, and doing her own thing. Maybe it's because I know the baby stage is the easy part, because I have one foot in that world, and the other in the school age world. For whatever reason it is, though, her being so forward about leaving a baby alone to cry because she has her schedule, literally made me physically ill. This woman is a disgusting monster. This may seem small, but imagine you hear nothing but this from this person for months, and then tell me what you think of them. I was kind because you catch more flies with honey, but on the inside, I was screaming.

She, of course, gave me venom in return. She accused me of being negative, and starting drama. (Funny, the only negativity and drama I see are from her end.) She also made a very foul comment about cosleeping, which is blatantly directed at me, because I make no secret of the fact that we cosleep. It's easier. Studies show that moms who cosleep and breastfeed get more sleep than moms who don't. Chai wakes up really early. I keep a diaper on my nightstand so I can change him real quick, then put him into the bed with us (he's usually in his little bed right next to ours. Room sharing is a form of cosleeping.) latch him on, and go back to sleep while he nurses. I get a lot of sleep. I was discussing this with somebody the other day, and she overheard me, so I know that's where that came from. I didn't dignify it with an answer. All day long, my phone was going off with texts from friends, telling me that this girl had made another post, just trying to bait me. I went through this evening when I was nursing Chai before bedtime (I'm always online when I'm nursing. It's the best way to pass the time.) and it was really foul. She really was just trying to bait me, and get me to scrap with her, verbally speaking. (Ha! Verbally speaking... holy redundancy...) Of course, I didn't give her the pleasure. I ignored it all. There's no right way to take someone on when they're like that.

In the course of this, I talked with a lot of mutual friends about her, and what was going on, and they all said they were tired of her, too, and that the way she acts is really disturbing, but they're all afraid of how to cut her out of our group without her going on a rampage of some sort. She's really volatile, and today, when I dared to question her even slightly, the way she reacted showed all of us that she's really more than a little bit crazy. We're pretty sure she has issues, like real, diagnosable issues, which maybe she should be on medication for, but isn't, so I don't know what we're going to do about her just yet. Maybe in the morning, things will be clearer. I guess we'll see.

Honestly, though, most of us genuinely fear for the baby. One friend actually said she's pretty sure she hits the baby. None of us have proof of any of it, other than how she talks about the baby, and of that, the only proof we have is what she puts online, so there's no way we can call the police or anything. We just know there's a bad situation, and we have to let it be. That, my friends, is horrifying. I don't know how well I'll sleep tonight, knowing what's happening just a block away.

Good, bad, ugly, and all that.... NCO style.

A friend said something really funny the other day. Literally, it made me laugh! She said, "Well, I'm sure the Army is a lot better at higher ranks." Her husband has exactly half Thak's rank, just to give you some idea. Her comment was very innocent, but it was still funny. I told her that it isn't bad, and from my side, honestly, life has been amazing ever since he made E6 (which came crashing down very abruptly when he got out... Something about building a life together, only to watch it go straight down the drain in the space of a few months... but anyway....) BUT even so, all that comes at a price. She was really surprised to hear that. I find that it's common that lower-enlisted wives do not think of the fact that with the privileges that rank brings, there are some costs as well. You want to know what they are? I'll tell you, good and bad. Granted, my take on what it's like to be a lower-enlisted wife is only through observation. I have been a lower-enlisted soldier, but as a wife, my only first hand experience is being married to an NCO. Yup, I'm one of those.

Anyhow, without further ado, let's talk about the good!! I'll be honest, being an NCO wife is awesome. I even own discontinued and banned books about it. I love the NCO Corps of my beloved Army, and I always knew if I married a soldier, he could only be an NCO. This is, and has always been, my favorite part of the Army. I have so much respect for the NCO's I worked with as a soldier (including Thak), and I just think they're great. So yes, I LOVE being an NCO wife, even if it's only in the Reserves now. I love that he's earned so much trust and respect from subordinates, peers, and superiors alike, and that he has access to real information when it counts. When he's Active Duty, I love that he got paid enough that we lived really comfortably. I loved that he had the influence to do what our family needed him to do a lot of the time. I love that when I am at a place that requires the use of my ID, and they see his rank on it, people treat me really well (I have seen some lower-enlisted wives treated horribly at the same places. This sort of thing exists, although it isn't right.) I love being in the NCO Wives' Club. I love the way his rank looks on his uniform, how in Class A's, it covers such a large portion of his sleeve. It looks so.... proportionate. I love the knowledge that soldiers respect him just as much as I respected him when he was a soldier. (I still do respect him, but it's different now.) When he was Active Duty, I loved the security of knowing that he really was uncommonly good at his job.

That's a lot of good, but with anything, it balances out. There are a few things that kind of suck about being an NCO wife. If you live on post, you'll probably get totally screwed, because at a lot of posts, you'll end up paying more than anyone else on your street for exactly the same house. I could go on all day about post housing stuff, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Otherwise, you put up with a little bit of random BS. If you so much as mention your husband's rank, some insecure Private's wife will accuse you of trying to "wear" that rank yourself, when in reality, all you said was something like, "My husband is SFC M." or "My husband had to make 798 points to be promoted to E6." Our hands have been tied in recent years just as much as our husbands' have. The Army is run by lower-enlisteds these days. They get crazy, rude, and out of line, and our husbands cannot do much about it anymore. We are on the receiving end of the wives of those crazy, rude, out of line soldiers. They are in your face. They want to lead. They think they should, if for no other reason than to stick it to you. After all, what do your ten years, four duty stations, and three deployments' worth of experience mean? Nothing if you ask them. There is a lot of, for lack of a better term, "class warfare" in the military these days, and as NCO wives, we are smack in the middle. It can be awkward at times.

Holidays get interesting, too. When your husband is a leader, he has people who answer to him. Most of those people will be young single soldiers. It is expected that young single soldiers will spend most every holiday completely wasted. That's what I did when I was a young single soldier, too. However, in today's Army, where NCO's cannot punish soldiers for doing stupid stuff anymore, these soldiers don't do what soldiers of my generation did, and keep it to the barracks. No, they go out and do it, so every holiday, some idiot PFC goes to jail, and guess who gets to bail him out? Yup... Squad Leader, Platoon Daddy, or Top. What do you suppose that's like for the families of those NCO's? You can ask Erin. She remembers very well the year that daddy had to leave every single holiday to go bail a soldier out of jail. Sure, the entire unit hears about it on Monday, but that's because somebody was dealing with it all weekend. As an NCO wife, your husband is that somebody.

The higher you go, the more participation is expected, and the more people hate you just for showing up. This sounds awful, and I'll be honest, it was my least favorite part of the whole deal. This was my price of admission, where I really paid for all the things I loved so much. Once you get up to a certain point, people kind of expect you to be a royal bitch, and they don't really plan on liking you. They may not know your name, or what you're like, or your plans for whatever it is that you've been roped into doing this time, but they know that you're the boss' wife, and their husband (the unit screw-up, of course) does not like the boss much, so you must be pretty awful, too. You will work 10x harder than you should ever have to, to win over people whose favor you could not give a rat's teeny tiny little ass about under normal circumstances, even if you tried. You will do this, frankly, because you're doing a job nobody else wants, and somebody's got to do it. Like our husbands, we lead by example. It is totally thankless, and most of us hate it, but we all do it.

There's more stress. When I was a lower-enlisted soldier, I would get off work about 5 pm, go to my barracks room, get out of my uniform, and go hang out with friends. I did this every single day. It was pretty much a carefree life. Lower-enlisted soldiers don't have much on their plates. They show up in the right uniform, at the right time, to the right place, and do what people tell them to do when they get there, and that's really about it. NCO's are a different story. They have to coordinate all that, make sure a bunch of people who are probably still wasted from the night before, show up to the right place, at the right time, in the right uniform. They have to make sure that whatever's supposed to get done there, in fact, gets done. Most of the time, they've got the command breathing hard down their necks the whole time. For the first few months of our marriage, the thing that shocked me most about Thak (other than the fact that the guy who once smoked me for dust on my fan blades, leaves his socks NEAR the hamper) was how much work he brought home. I swear, he did nothing but work on stuff for the flightline, and counseling statements for soldiers, and stuff like that. His soldiers were always at our house for whatever reason. At that time, he had one drunk one he was trying to keep in line by keeping him close at hand, and one fat one he was trying to slim down on my cooking. The rest were there just because. You are along for this ride. He's not doing it to drive you crazy. He's doing it because he is responsible for these people in a way most people are never responsible for another human being.

The higher you go, the more influence you have, and the less you can, or really should, use it. I will never forget when I was pregnant with Orren. Thak and I conceived him over R&R during Thak's 3rd tour in Iraq. There was never a more planned or wanted baby in this entire world than Orren, I swear. Everything was perfect from the first second of his existence, and when it came time for me to pursue care during said pregnancy, I went and found myself the perfect midwives, at the perfect birth center. It was great, and blissful, and the only thing I lacked as we waited for the arrival of our perfect son, was my perfect husband who was in a stupid combat zone for the first four months of it all. That's ok, though. I got through those appointments, and then when he got home, I figured he'd go to all my appointments with me. WRONG! Sure, he had the influence within the unit to be able to get out whenever he needed to. He could have been at every single one. He was Platoon Sergeant at the time, though, and leaving the platoon to its own devices was not really all that feasible all the time. Thak was at enough of my appointments that our midwives knew who he was, and totally adored him, but he definitely wasn't at all of them, not even half. I swear, to this day, that the real reason I had Orren on Christmas Day is because that was the only day we could count on Thak being available, and not on some ridiculous tasking way out of cell phone range. With more influence, comes more responsibility, and you, the wife, pay for that in hours and minutes that your husband is not there with you. I am not complaining. I am stating the fact. You will not complain either. It has been this way since before either of us were even alive. The fact remains, though, while the Privates and Specialists are tending to their families, you will be managing yours alone while your NCO husband puts the Army first, whether either of you likes it or not.

All in all, as I said before, I love being an NCO wife. I love everything about the NCO Corps, and absolutely love being married to someone who is the very picture of everything that is right about it. All of these "bad" things, which I have only expanded upon so that they are easier to understand, are a small price to pay for the far more substantial, if less wordy, good things. The entire purpose of writing this out was not to elicit pity or dread, but to promote understanding. Is it nice to be married to an NCO? Nicer than words can describe. Like everything in life, though, there is a cost, and I want the future NCO wives in my life to understand it so that they're not blindsided by it like most of us are. More important than any of that, though, is to remember that people have gone before you on this same road, and they didn't know what they were doing either, so even though there's a bit of muck to wade through, you'll do fine. If I can do this, anybody can, and trust me, it's SO worth it.

And the news breaks...

Click here. One of the brigades from here is coming home WAY early. All of us have known this for weeks, but it just went out to the media this morning.

There is a lot of good in that. For one, the Iraq war is nearly over. With that, we no longer have to hear wives and soldiers who are still involved with Iraq going on about how it's still a war zone, and being all dramatic about the deployments there, as if it's just as dangerous as it was three years ago, when we all know it's not. (Name me the last time someone died of something combat related there. It was a long freaking time ago.) For another, we can finally have a little closure on this thing. Thak did three tours there, when it really was a horribly dangerous place with people dying left and right, and seeing this war relegated to the history books is a good thing, because it's really over.

The thing that gets me, though, is how the wives of this brigade are reacting to this news. Seriously, if someone told me, 4 months into a deployment that my husband was coming home, I would be bouncing off the walls and dancing in the streets. Every one of the 4-1 wives I know are mad that the deployment was cut short. They won't get as much money this way.

Seriously? Do you know, every time the national news media has covered something Thak was part of, it was to do with him going somewhere really dangerous, really unexpectedly, to do something nobody in their right mind would ever want to do. Once, it was the invasion of Iraq. Another time, it was the Anbar Province troop build-up (he had been deployed to Baghdad and was rerouted at the last minute to Anbar when he got there). The other time was the troop surge on Baghdad, and when he was sent forward ahead of the rest of his brigade, along with a few others of applicable specialties, to aid in the search for missing soldiers. In that time, he has set records, helped find internationally infamous criminals, and was part of high profile operations in a capacity you will never hear about unless you get him drunk enough (and that's hard to do. He really doesn't drink much.) There is a reason he has medals that are uncommon for people of his rank to have while they are still alive. It is because every single media circus that ever pertained to us involved him going somewhere that he ran a greater than average risk of coming back with his head blown off. The only time it was a positive media circus for us, was when Thak was among the last of the surge troops to come home. Every national news network was at his homecoming ceremony. To get to that point, though, we went through 15 months of things I would not wish on anybody. By the time he came home, none of us cared about the media coverage. We just wanted it over and done with.

Knowing this, I really want to shake these 4th brigade wives for their reaction to their husbands' early homecoming. Don't they know how many people over the years would have killed for that news? Don't they know how lucky they are to have only a 4 month deployment? Sure, combat pay is nice, but it's not worth the cost of earning it. Is it that soldiers and families these days have forgotten that? Is it that the real fighting has been over for so long, that people are truly just using deployments as a safe way to earn a few thousand extra a year? I don't get it.

America, end these wars. It's been going on so long people have lost perspective on what it really is.

4th brigade wives, no more complaining. Remember that you are lucky. I do not pity your lack of combat pay due to early homecoming. Nobody does. Take the early homecoming and be happy.

Maybe we should have a warning label.

As Erin was selling painted rocks over the backyard fence today, it occurred to me that maybe it's us who should come with a warning label when we live among the normal people within society.

Their kids sell stuff for school fundraisers. Our kid goes to a charter school that doesn't do that, but she will paint rocks and sell them to your kids for pocket change.

Those things in our yard? You call them weeds. We call them wildflowers. No, we will not pull them up... unless they stop blooming.

Our kids play outside. A lot. I frankly have no idea how your yard stays so pristine. I have three kids, and my yard is proof of that. They dig in the dirt, park bikes out front, get paint all over our patio table, and leave toys laying around no matter what I say about it.

We garden. Toward the beginning and middle of any given season, our gardens look great. Toward the end, not so much. This is just the way it is.

Yes, those are stained cloth diapers you see sunning on my patio chairs. I am aware that there is speculation that I do not have a dryer. This is not the case. You see, dryers do not remove stains from diapers, but the sun does. We have a lot of sun here. Hence, I take advantage.

If you look over the wall into my backyard, there's a good chance you will see me nursing baby Chai. He nurses a lot. I never use a cover.

Orren likes to be naked most of the time. We try to keep him clothed if he's outside, but he doesn't always comply. We're ok with that.

Erin likes to sing loudly from the playhouse. In the interest of keeping the peace, we don't allow her to do this at unreasonable hours, but in the interest of not being fun crushing assholes on a full time basis, we do allow her to do it.

We have clear boundaries. You may think they're too strict or too lax, but they're perfect for us.

We don't always wear shoes.

The kids' clothes don't always match. We don't care. We're not really trying to impress anybody.

Yes, our son has really long hair. No, we have no intention of cutting it until he asks for it to be cut. No, people don't mistake him for a girl, and if they did, we really wouldn't care.

See a random group of hippies, goths, punks, and rednecks congregating in our yard with babies? Don't be alarmed. It just means it was my turn to host playgroup.



We got a lot of weird looks today from random passerby (this is the consequence of having low walls around the backyard, and living on the corner). It made me think of why exactly we get stared at here, and you know, it's totally fine with me. Let them stare. We are who we are, and we're ok.

Bebe Chai, 4 months

The last post was all serious and stuff, and I don't like being too serious for too long, so here are some cute pictures of the Bebe Chai. He is just more and more adorable every single day!

On another awesome note, hey, I have located my camera AND the cord that goes with it, AND I have internet that will let me upload this stuff, so I can share pictures again!

Wounded warriors are important... and their families, too.

Today I want to talk about something very important, something very near and dear to me. First, though, I want you to read this great article from The Huffington Post. Click here. It's three pages of easy reading, and will enlighten you to a side of something most people never think about.

See, this war has a lot of injured troops. We have great military trauma surgeons, and much love to all my medic friends, because they do amazing stuff on the battlefield that was totally inconceivable a generation ago. Most of our wounded warriors of today probably would have died of their injuries in, say, Vietnam, but today, we have such amazing techniques to stabilize them and get them to Germany or the US for treatment in a top of the line hospital, that a lot of troops survive some pretty catastrophic injuries.

This is a double edged sword. It is always great when a soldier comes home, but our wounded warriors face a long road after they get here. What's more, their families do, too. Nobody ever thinks about that, but it's true. Next time you see a combat wounded veteran, look beside him or her, and you will probably see either a wife, or a husband, or a parent, who has pretty much devoted their life, at least for a while, to caring for that veteran. It's true. What's more, most of the time, it's a wife, and most of the time, she's under 30. We're not talking about older people here, people you would expect to see as caregivers for an incapacitated spouse. We're talking about people you would expect to see in grad school, or at a street festival, living it up.

I have watched friends go through this. A girl I know from Ft. Stewart, whose husband was in my friend D's unit, nearly lost her husband to an IED explosion. When this happened, she went right to Brook Army Medical Center, where she stayed at her husband's side for six months while he went through surgery after surgery, trying to repair the damage from the blast. Their story is a good one, comparatively speaking. The surgeons managed to save both his legs, and he can even walk. He can't function as an Infantryman anymore, though, so he was medically retired from the Army. He went to school, and has found employment, although it isn't that steady. They mostly live on his pension, which is about half his Active Duty salary. Most notably, she has never been the same since this experience. It's easy to see, it's a really big deal to get your husband back in pieces, even if they do manage to put him back together again reasonably well. Of course, this goes double for those whose husbands don't ever recover to a degree to be able to function in society without significant accommodations.

Don't get me wrong. If it were a choice between getting Thak back from war in a box, or alive but not quite ok, I'd choose to have him back alive. At least then there's a chance he can get better, and I love me some Thak, so I'd take every chance to keep him around as long as quality of life would be good (This is in accordance with his wishes, which I have had in writing for years.) If he's dead, well, there is no possible good outcome for that, and trust me, I've seen my share of death in my ten years of military affiliation. I have gone to Alabama with a couple other wives and helped pick out a burial plot for a soldier whose wife simply could not stand to do it (I don't blame her a bit!). I have watched a pregnant 20-year-old widow bury her husband. I have watched the casualty notification officer do his job more times than I care to recount. I have watched Ft. Stewart's Warriors' Walk grow from a line of a few trees, to a forest. And if you want to know the real reason me and the boys went to the Westboro protest earlier this week, it's because those bastards showed up to the funeral of one of my favorite NCO's last year, and I will never forgive them for that. Death is shit, especially when it involves people who should have had most of their lives ahead of them. It is shit for the families who had nothing but great expectations. It is especially shit for the children who will never know their fathers. When a soldier dies, nobody wins.

Even this is a double edged sword, though. The families who have lost their soldier can eventually move on. That girl who was the pregnant 20-year-old widow is now 24 years old, and just picked out her wedding dress last week. She is engaged to a medic, and could not be happier. In fact, nearly every widow I know has remarried, and is living a pretty good life today in spite of what they went through years ago. It is always a terrible thing when a soldier dies, but eventually, even if it is years and years later, those families generally do find some degree of closure. The same cannot be said for the families of wounded warriors. Their struggle goes on for as long as they live. I am in no way saying those troops would be better off dead. This is just the fact of the matter.

The families of wounded soldiers face a unique challenge that we don't hear about much, but everyone needs to be aware of. It is not something that goes away, even once the troop in question looks like he/she is doing ok. There will always be good days and bad days. The person they sent off to war is not the same as the person they got back. How would you react if your spouse was all of a sudden completely different than the person they were when you married them, and the world expected you to just be cool with that? Think about it.

Parallel to this, is the story you hear about even less, because these wounded warriors don't always even have Purple Heart medals to show for it. These are the ones with invisible injuries. I am the wife of a soldier with PTSD and chronic migraines due to burn pit exposure. I am, by military standards, one of the lucky ones. Thak has not beaten the crap out of me. He doesn't use drugs or drink excessively. He's not too sick to function, and now that he's no longer Active Duty, he is well able to hold a job, and win the favor of his employer since the one thing that never did change about him is his work ethic. We have it better than a lot of people, no doubt. Of course, that doesn't mean that it has been simple. I have heard things come out of my formerly sweet husband's mouth that I could not have imagined he would ever say when we got together 8 years ago. He was standoffish and sullen for years after coming home from his 3rd tour, and living in a place that looks exactly like Iraq surely doesn't help (In fact, his PTSD symptoms did not appear until we moved here).

I can tell you, even though we have it worlds better than a lot of people, this isn't something that goes away. Thak is a lot better than he was, but the man I married is never coming back. No, that man died in a mortar attack in Iskandriya in 2007, and this one came home in his place. They look identical, but they are not. Occasionally, there is a small glimpse of the old Thak, but it never lasts long. My best advice to wives whose husbands have PTSD is that you really do have to learn to love the new guy. In a lot of cases, he's not so bad. There are things about new Thak that I like better than old Thak. New Thak is more assertive, more decisive. Old Thak was chronically wishy washy for fear of upsetting me. New Thak, on the other hand, knows what the hell he wants, and does not hesitate to tell you about it. Of course, new Thak is also impulsive, and has an awful temper. You learn to work around these things. It's best to focus on the good, though, and to know that it gets better as the years go by. Maybe it's just because we get more used to it, or maybe they really do improve, but whatever it is, it does get easier, so if you're just now beginning your PTSD journey, keep your head up. If I can do this, anybody can.

I know the nation is sick of the war. We're sick of it, too. If you even read the comments on that Huffington Post article I linked above, you'll see that every single time anything is mentioned about the troops, even if it's just about them as people, as this was, it turns into people talking about how sick they are of the war. Yes, we know. We agree. The fact is, though, the war will never end for us, or for the thousands and thousands of other wounded warriors and their families, especially those with severe injuries (whether visible or invisible). The war lives with us. It's the elephant in the room. Society will probably forget eventually, just as they have with every other generation of veterans, but maybe don't be so quick to. Remember wounded warriors, and remember their families! I am one of the lucky ones, who does not need help from the government which sent my husband to war (three times in rapid succession, just for the record), but there are many who do need help, and it is all of our responsibilities as Americans to insure that they get it. Vote for candidates who will do a lot for wounded warriors and families. If your local VA is notorious for problems, write your congressman about it. Even really simple things help. Don't judge wives who are having a hard time with the fact that their husbands are not who they once were. That last one goes double for other military wives, who tend to be so quick to throw a wounded warrior wife's vows in her face when she's just plain had enough, and honestly just needs a little bit of support and distraction from it all. This is something everyone can do, though. Consider wounded warriors and their families. This is a real issue that matters a lot. We all have to do what we can.

A big important milestone!

My bebe Chai rolled over today! I was getting concerned because he hadn't done it yet, even though it's not really a concern that he didn't until this point. He's only 4 months old. But yeah, I put him down on his tummy at playgroup today, and he just flipped himself right over less than two seconds after I put him down! He did it three times at playgroup, then once for Erin after we got home. He wouldn't do it for Thak.

We have also decided to let him try avocado sometime in the next few weeks. He will be 5 months then. Thak wants to be involved in his first solid food attempt, and he's leaving for Maryland in a few weeks. I think it's a fair request. If Chai is ready for it, he will be able to eat it. If he isn't ready, well, he just played with food. Either way, it's fine. I don't think it's unfair that Thak wants to be involved in this. I think the prospect of leaving the boys for months on end is harder on him than he expected. We never thought we'd be in this position. So for that reason, I'm willing to compromise on the waiting until six months. We'll try solids at five months. If Chai's not ready, he won't be able to eat them anyway, so there's no harm, and either way, daddy gets to be involved.

So yeah, it was a big day for the bebe Chai! Rolling over for the first time, and a date with solid food in the near future. He's getting so big.

Cut female soldiers some slack.

Lately, for some reason, there has been a bit of conversation about female soldiers who "date military guy after military guy", as if it's a bad thing. OK, it is also important to know that there is a civilian phenomenon called "tag chasing", which basically consists of a civilian girl dating nothing but military guys, trying to get one to marry her for benefits, or whatever. Thak's ex-wife is a good example of a "tag chaser". The idea is that these female soldiers who date nothing but military guys are just as bad. I say that's not true.

First, let's look at it practically. I'm trying to think if I ever saw a civilian guy my age the entire time I was in the Army. I was in a battalion with 100 males to every female, and all of us were in uniform. I was surrounded by guys all day, every day, and they were all in the military, just like me. Where the hell would your average female soldier even meet anything but military guys in the first place? While a civilian girl has to sort of go out of her way to meet soldiers, if that's her intention, a female soldier would have to go out of her way NOT to meet soldiers. I say it's not a form of "tag chasing" when a female soldier dates nothing but male soldiers. I say it's the law of probability in action.

Second, let's also remember what soldiers are. Soldiers are people. People of a certain age, who are single, date. Usually, in a lifetime, people date quite a few people. Nothing in my enlistment contract forbade me from continuing to do that. Of course your average late teens or 20-something soldier dates a lot of people. Your average civilian of the same age does the same thing. Of course most, if not all, of the guys the female soldier dates are also soldiers. See point 1. There is nothing abnormal about this.

Third, So what if a lot of female soldiers get married to guys who are higher ranking than they are? In the civilian world, isn't it rather common to see couples in which the husband is a bit older and more accomplished than the wife? We are biologically programmed to like this kind of thing. Why should putting on a uniform relegate a female soldier to dating and marrying only her own rank? As one who was lower-enlisted, I've just got to say, have you SEEN the guys my rank?? If you did, you'd probably understand why a lot of lower-enlisted girls won't date lower-enlisted guys. I always dated higher ranking guys because they were more interesting, and generally older than me, which is nice. I married Thak, who is higher ranking and older, not for any ulterior motive, but because that is how things worked out.

Also, most girls don't enlist just to meet guys. I actually can't even think of a single one I know who did. Sure, it's a nice side-effect of enlisting, that you're surrounded 24 hours a day by eligible guys, many of whom are fit and attractive. The Army is a buyer's market, so to speak. (So is your average engineering program, yet people don't talk major trash on female engineering students.) That's a really stupid reason to enlist, though, and nobody that I've ever met did it for that reason. The allegation that this is the motive for female soldiers' enlistments, is frankly, a little insulting. Most of us enlisted for the same reasons as male soldiers do.... see the world, have an adventure, get a steady paycheck, pay for college... you know the drill. Female soldiers' motives are no better or worse than those of male soldiers.

This goes back to the single most unexpected thing about serving in the Army. I had no idea that for the rest of my life, everything about my life would be called into question because the Army was a significant step on my way to where I am. No, I never would have met Thak if I had not enlisted. Yes, we have kids together, and I stay home with them. This does not mean that I enlisted with the malicious purpose of snagging myself a higher ranking guy to entrap so that he has to support me. I am not "too ugly to meet guys on the outside". I am not a "desert queen". I am a regular person who met my husband at work. Sounds pretty normal when I put it that way, doesn't it? Well, it IS normal. Everything about the way the majority of female soldiers live their lives is normal. Stop acting like it's not.

Good: 1, Evil: 0

Today, the good guys won. Thousands of people showed up to counter-protest against Westboro Baptist Church's planned protest at the funeral of a Marine who was from here. We brought everything we could... flags, signs, even tarps to block them from view. A few Patriot Guard riders showed up, too. They say they came mostly from Albuquerque (4 hours from here!) but at least one was from Iowa (like 24 hours from here!). They came out to escort this Marine home, and to safeguard his family from protesters who wanted to cast negativity on what he stood up for. Believe in the war or don't, but you've got to support the troops. The fact is, this Marine died doing what our country needed him to do, and the only right answer, when we heard that Westboro was going to protest at his funeral, was to show up to let his family know that we're on their side.

Orren and Chai were troopers, major little activists in the making. Orren helped hold a sign for a little while, and cheered for the Patriot Guard riders when they came by. He stood silently as the hearse carrying the Marine himself, and the limo carrying his parents, children, and fiancee passed us. It was very sad, of course, but I'm glad we were there to show this family that people care enough to make sure the Westboro losers couldn't even get near them.

Prior to the family's arrival at St. Mark's, rumors were swirling that Westboro had decided not to show up, that it was a hoax. None of us cared, really. Showing support for the family of this fallen Marine was just as important as blocking out the Westboro fools. They did show up, though. They assembled at a park a block or so away from the church, and when they saw how many of us there were, they ran. Then we found out they were trying to get into the cemetery to protest graveside. We said hell no to that! We all convoyed across town to Ft. Bliss National Cemetery, and blocked the gates. We let only the Patriot Guard and the family and guests through our blockade. Westboro, once again, caught sight of what we had done, and didn't even stop.

Today, the good guys won. Here are some pictures.

Me and my little boys outside St. Mark's with our signs for the Westboro Baptist Church idiots.


The crowd starting to form at St. Mark's about an hour prior to the Marine's funeral.


Word was that Westboro was planning on protesting across the street, so people occupied the median with flags and tarps to block the view.


After we left the church, we went to the cemetery, and assembled at the gates to make sure WBC couldn't get in.


The Patriot Guard Riders escorted the family in.

You're never too young to stand up for what's right.

Tomorrow, the boys will get their first taste of activism. Westboro Baptist Church is coming to town to protest the funeral of a Marine who was KIA in Afghanistan. For anyone who doesn't know, it's the usual Westboro Baptist Church thing. They think the US military is pro-gay because they allow gays to serve, and they're super homophobic and nasty, so they protest military funerals with homophobic signs. It's really stupid considering most of the personnel whose funerals they are protesting, were, in fact, not gay. So basically, these people are major assholes who go to funerals of fallen troops, and yell nasty stuff. This is a big deal to me because they showed up to the funeral of an NCO who was important to me about a year ago. It was really disrespectful and disgusting, and I can't stand them. Nobody can, really.

So they're coming to El Paso tomorrow. The call is for everyone to come out and block them from the view of the family of this Marine. We're going to sing patriotic songs, hold signs, and basically just drown out these Westboro idiots any way we possibly can. We're not going to get into confrontations with them. They've been known to sue and win when people do that. It's not about that. They'll read our signs and know what we think of what they're doing. We're there for the family of this Marine so they don't have to see or hear these protesters. That's what really matters.

This is all going down at 9 am tomorrow morning. Thak will be at work and Erin will be in school, but I will be there with the boys. We have signs to hold, and will lend ourselves to the effort to stand up for what is right and let this Marine's family know that El Paso and Ft. Bliss are on THEIR side, and that we think these Westboro crazies are not even worthy of being seen or heard by them.

Yes, I will make sure to keep the boys safe. We will be there with friends, most of whom are bringing their kids, too. I will probably be wearing both boys the whole time, Chai in a wrap, Orren in the Ergo. I will make sure they stay safe. One is never too young for activism, though. For my buck, this is a peace rally. We're there to insure a little more peace for a family who lost their loved one in Afghanistan. As the wife of a 3-tour Iraq vet, that's a cause I can get behind.

Something new... and kind of old... for us.

Thak got hired today by a civilian contracting firm he has a lot of experience working with. It's the same firm that had the Utah job that got put on hold, but it's a different job, one that definitely won't be put on hold. He will be a field service representative, assigned to a unit of the Army or the Marine Corps, to work on the same kind of unmanned planes that he worked on for five years as a soldier. The key difference is that it is a higher level of mechanical work that he will be doing, so he has to go to school for three months at the company's HQ in Maryland before he can be assigned to a unit. He will be paid during that time, so it's really good even though he'll be away from us for a few months. (He'll probably come back to go to drill every month with his unit anyhow, so we'll see him at least a little bit. We'll be fine.)

Once he's done with training, they will either send him to Afghanistan to join a unit that's already there, or he'll go to a unit that's here in the US. Going directly to Afghanistan would be bad because, well, it's Afghanistan, but on the positive side, the kids and I would stay in El Paso with our friends until Thak came home, and since he would be joining a unit that was already there, it would be a shorter time for him to be gone than if he went to a unit and did a whole deployment with them from start to finish. So basically that has its up and down sides. Now, what we're actually hoping for is that he will be assigned to Ft. Stewart. The HR representative who did his hiring told him that the company is well aware of his good work history with various members of the Ft. Stewart crew, and that it is a consideration to send him there, although they cannot promise anything right now. Obviously it would be good to go back to Ft. Stewart. It's about the closest thing to home that we have as a family. Erin was raised there for most of the first five years of her life. It was me and Thak's first home after we got married. Orren was born there. It's home if ever there was such a thing for a couple old Army vets. He would deploy, but no time particularly soon, according to friends who do this exact job there.

Did we particularly want Thak to have a deploying job? Well, no, we didn't. He got out of the Army because the deployments were a major deal breaker. Even so, you've got to do what you've got to do, and fixing BMW's a million hours a week isn't getting the bills paid. This is better than the Army, though. The money's about what he'd be making as a Sergeant First Class, so no complaints there. Then when he deploys, it's a lot more than that, of course. The money's the least of the ways it's better, though. The biggest way it's better is that you're not locked in indefinitely like he would be in the Army by now. Say he does one deployment and we decide there's no way we could ever do that again. He can find a non-deploying position within the company, and transfer to it, or if there is none, he can choose to leave the company. That's hypothetical, of course. The plans are for him to do this job indefinitely, but the good part is that it's our choice, not Uncle Sam's choice like it would have been in the Army.

To be honest, this is probably a good gig for Thak. It suits him. Thak is a bit of a contradiction. He's a peace-loving Buddhist, who is extremely good at war. He never chose it, of course. It chose him. This is the role he's good at, though, saving the lives of combat troops, not being one. Working on UAV's is a good job for him, because UAV's save lives. The kind he works on do not carry any weapons, just cameras. (We always get asked that.) Thak is great at maintaining UAV's, of course, so for that reason, this job is definitely a good one for him. I don't like that the boys will have to learn what it's like to be without daddy for a long period of time. Erin already knows, and that's bad enough. We have to do what we have to do, though, and honestly, at this point, we're just happy that this contracting firm has given Thak a chance. He deserves that, and I know they will never regret their decision to hire him.

Now, the specifics... He leaves for Maryland in a month. He'll be there for three months in school. Then after that, we don't know. We could be seeing him off to Afghanistan, or we could be packing up our old gypsy wagon, and making our way back to Georgia, or we could be going somewhere else. Nobody knows at this point. What we do know, is that it beats what we've got going on now, and that everything will be fine one way or another.

We are what we are, and it is what it is.

Our situation, as everyone knows, is interesting as of late. Yes, Thak made a stupid choice to get out of the Army. He knows it. He even said that he knows that if his dad were alive to stop him from getting out, he never would have done it, and that there's no way his dad would have stood for him doing this to us. So the fact is, he knows what he did, and he's trying to fix it. I don't know how far we're going to have to fall before something works, but something will work eventually, and until then, we'll figure things out somehow, even if it is scary at times.

One thing irritates the crap out of me, though. Everybody has an opinion about what we should be doing, and it's always based on their personal experience. Again, this plays into my ultimate pet peeve about the military. It's the whole "everybody's the same" thing. Everybody is not the same, in the Army or out. We're not the same. We're all different. We have different credentials, different experience, different qualifications. This means that what applies to one will not apply to everybody.

I know a ton of people whose husbands got out previously, and came right back in when things got tough. None of them lasted on the outside as long as we have so far, even. I hear every day about how Thak needs to just go back into the Army and get it over with. Here's the problem. Thak is a lot different than these people's husbands. These people are married to guys who got out as Privates, and who are at least ten years younger than Thak is, and do not have the injuries that come of three combat tours. In fact, they have no combat experience at all, any of them. They also did no preparation at all for getting out. They don't have degrees. They didn't have jobs lined up at all. They were just pretty much, and pardon me for this, your stereotypical lazy lower-enlisted who thinks he can make more money for less effort on the outside. As we all know, that's just a barracks rumor, and only a Private believes it.

Thak is different. This is what Thak is:

18 years in uniform
3 combat tours, and well known missions
uncommon medals
Degree that translates military experience into civilian terms
Extensive civilian licensing in his field
Lots of connections within his field, both military and civilian

Also, might I add that Thak has a job, one that he works about 12 hours a day at, and that he works AT LEAST six days a week every week. He works 6 days a week in the shop when he doesn't have drill, and on drill weekends, he works 7 days a week because drill is Saturday and Sunday. I dislike the comments that he's being lazy, or isn't working hard enough. He's busting his ass every day. He just went into a field that will not easily support our family. We're honestly trying to figure out how all his coworkers live on this pay. He is absolutely loved by the management because he works so hard, and is so good at his job, and his manager is trying to get him another big raise in order to keep him from leaving. He was even offered a position as a night instructor at his college. He'll take it if it comes through. It would give us enough to live on. His managers at the shop don't like the idea of him working at night, too, but they also understand that he's going to do what he has to do. The point is, Thak is working hard. While it is his fault that we are in this position, because it was him who just had to throw away 14 years of Active Duty, it's not like he isn't trying to make it work. It's not like he's being a lazy ass now that he's out here. He's trying so hard. It's not enough, and we all know it, but the point remains, I don't appreciate the implication that my husband is sitting on his ass pounding Boston Lager, when really, I barely see him since he's working so hard fixing every broke ass BMW in west Texas. His boss even got onto him because he stopped taking lunch breaks so he can bill more hours. That is not something that happens to lazy people.

What's more, I am tired of being told Thak should "just go back into the Army", and then being told that it was so easy for this person or that one to do it, or that Thak is BS'ing me about what the recruiter told him when he called to inquire about going back in. OK, here's the most un-PC thing you're going to read all day long, and please remember that I served as a lower-enlisted soldier when you read this. Lower-enlisted soldiers are a dime a dozen. There are thousands of slots, and really anyone with some marginal level of physical fitness, and at least an average IQ, can fill any one of them. If they don't have a slot in the current job of a specific lower-enlisted soldier, it is easy to retrain them to some other job, and really nothing significant would be lost or sacrificed. It doesn't work that way for someone like Thak. At his rank, there has to be a slot open somewhere, and he has to be accepted to take it. There were no slots available when he called. That's not surprising considering his MOS is rather small, and there are not many slots to begin with. Sure, he could reclass, but that would require his Reserve unit to approve it, which it is doubtful, because they need him where he is. Plus, the MOS's that are available to him now are more limited since he has documented injuries, and official physical limitations (like he can't run anymore, by order of an orthopedist). He can't just go be a grunt like he was when he was 17. That ship sailed sometime around the arrival of his 3rd combat tour, and his Bronze Star medal.

This isn't all bad, though. All those years of experience give him a laundry list of connections, some of them in the private sector. Being that he was wise before leaving Active Duty, and got some civilian education that makes his military experience make sense to the civilian market, those connections WILL be able to do something for him. It may not be immediate, and there's no telling which connection it will come from, but there are a lot of angles to work, and they are because Thak has been in his field for so long, and earned a lot of respect in that field. If you ask anyone in UAV's, or generator work, who's been around the Army for 10 years or more if they know him, they will definitely know him or at least know who he is, and will probably tell you he's one of the best NCO's they ever worked with. That's because these are small job fields, of course, but also because he is good enough to be memorable, and to have had a pivotal role in certain things.

So pretty much, our situation is a lot different than a lot of people's. It's not that I'm saying we're better or worse, or anything like that. It's just that the situation is not the same as the average private who decides to get out after a few years. We have more working for us, and more working against us. We have never let what works against us win, ever, and we don't intend to start that now, so the key thing we remember is that we have a lot in our corner, and while some of it has not panned out the way we might have hoped it would, we have not exhausted even half of our options yet, and there is a lot that we are holding out hope for. We don't rule out Thak going back to Active Duty. It is an option. He's calling the recruiter again in a week, in fact, to see if there's a slot. It's just that that's not our only option by far.

I promise not to judge your life by mine, if you promise not to judge my life by yours. Our lives are different. We will be fine one way or another, but my solution may not look a thing like yours, and that's totally expected and fine.

AP (playgroup!) is the way for me.

Earlier this week, the boys and I went to pick up something from another mom in the local Attachment Parenting (AP) group. While we were over at her place, she invited us to the AP playgroup, which happens to be today! Of course, I said we'd love to come.

I'm so excited about going. For one thing, a playgroup will be such a good thing for the boys. It'll be really nice for them to be around other little kids, and sort of be able to make friends, and learn how to interact in a group, and all that. For another, I will feel comfortable with it in the context of other AP families. The reason I have shied away from mainstream playgroups is that I always end up butting heads with the other moms, and we're just not on the same page. I always end up sitting there holding my tongue as they encourage one another to let their children "cry it out", or discuss other parenting methods that I really don't agree with, and I leave feeling frustrated and angry that they treat babies the way they do. With other AP moms, it's better. Nobody will give me a hard time for cosleeping, and won't look at me funny when I nurse Chai, and won't make rude comments or give me dirty looks because Orren is shy, and will probably hide behind me the whole time. Of course, the conversation tends to be about stuff I like, too.

So yeah, we're going to AP playgroup in an hour! I'm excited! I hope Orren does well. I'm not banking on him having any actual interaction with anyone today, but maybe bu next week or the week after. It'll be good for him no matter what happens today.

Three. Oh.

As it is now midnight on the east coast, where I was born, I am officially 30 years old. Here in West Texas, it just started raining. I cannot help but feel like it is a present from the universe, sent just for me. It never rains here, and I love the rain.

I can't believe I've been kicking around this good earth for 30 years. I kind of hate how fast it's gone by, to tell you the truth. It's like the fun part is over, and I never even got to most of it. I think I'm supposed to have some things figured out, or know some stuff, but really, I'm not sure I do. I have learned a good bit, but all lessons lead to one conclusion. There is still a lot more to learn.

I didn't discover anything groundbreaking, or get famous, or backpack through Europe, or take a long road trip through parts of the country you don't hear much about. I did, however, learn that being a machine gunner is nowhere near as cool as it sounds, that marriage is hard work, that a war doesn't make it any easier, that babies are the coolest things ever invented, Buddha had the right idea, and the government is an evil of questionable necessity. Most of all, I learned that it (whatever "it" may be) can definitely happen to me.

I suppose the biggest thing that came of this past decade is that I finally give myself permission to just be me. There's no reinventing needed, and I'm really not trying to impress anybody anymore. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but you know, neither is anybody else. My best is good enough for me, and for those who really matter.

One thing I realize is that it seems like we're always so hard on ourselves, and only realize how good we had it when it's long gone. I spent years of my life believing I was ugly, just because nobody ever told me otherwise, only to look back on pictures from those years now, and realize that I was beautiful all the while. I wonder what I will see in myself in ten years, that I don't see now even though it's right in front of my face. Maybe the lesson here is to care less about the imperfections, and just enjoy life for what it is now.

It goes by fast. I was listening to the radio the other day, and the DJ said, "And now here's a classic from George Strait." I was expecting something from the 80's. No. This song came out my senior year of high school. I think my exact words were, "What the fuck?! That's not a classic, you idiot!" and then I realized that was 12 years ago. You have got to be kidding me. This stuff still seems new to me. It cannot have been 12 years ago that I was that high school senior running around in a pair of size 0 Wrangler jeans and a pair of Justin ropers, trying to figure out whose hay field the party was going to be in that weekend, and what older guy I could talk into buying the kegs for us. No, that was not 12 years ago. That was yesterday. I am not 30 years old, married for seven years, with three children. I can't be. It hasn't been long enough for all that to have happened. 80's stuff isn't vintage. Music from 2000 isn't old. It just can't be. It is, though. It happens before you know it.

The idea, I suppose, is to enjoy. There's no great epiphany here. Another decade on this good earth has come and gone for me, and that's ok. Well, it better be. I mean, really, what choice do any of us have?

Happy birthday to me. Why the hell not?

I was a great parent before I had kids.

Well... I really wasn't. I wasn't one of those people who actually planned on having children, or gave any thought to what I would do with them. They just sort of happened to me, and I've done my best with them. Granted, I think my best is pretty good. It's at least research-based. Even so, the fact remains, people in general are way better parents before they have kids. By that, I mean they have it all figured out. They think they know exactly what they'll do in every situation. These things are nearly never practical, and most don't even come close to happening when that person actually has kids. This applies also to people who do have kids, as it pertains to older age kids than what they've got. It would be like, "I was so good at school age parenting when I had a toddler." or "I was so good at parenting a teen when I had an 8-year-old."

I swear, if I have to suffer through one more toddler parent's bullshit dissertation on what they'll do when their kid is Erin's age, I am going to scream. I have taken to laughing while they go on and on about how THEIR kid will never do [insert totally normal thing here] because they'll do [insert bullshit that doesn't work for anybody here]. This applies especially to those who seek to give me advice on what to do with Erin.

Erin is a problem as of late. 8 is a hard age, and I find out more and more that I'm just not that good of a girl mommy. I'm pretty lucky my other two are boys. This is not an easy time for us with Erin, and I don't suspect it will get easier anytime soon. We have a kid who used to be great to deal with, but now runs off at random, lies like it's her job, has NEVER eaten what we've served her, and thinks the rules don't apply to her. Honestly, she's pretty ridiculous to deal with a lot of the time. Trust me when I tell you, the things that work to keep Orren in line, DO NOT work to keep Erin in line. Toddlers and 8-year-olds are pretty different breeds of animal, but boy do the toddler parents in my life love to give advice on what to do with a school age kid!

I get it. It's easy to feel like a pretty good parent when they're still little. From the moment of conception, you've done everything right. You chose the best midwife, the nicest birth center (or hospital if that's your thing), the most naturally minded pediatrician. You researched vaccines, bought organic cotton baby clothes, made your own baby food, breastfed for as long as you possibly could, and by the time the kid got to be a toddler, he/she was just the most wonderful charismatic little thing that ever walked the face of the earth. They are nothing like the neighbor's kids who are running down the street unattended, wearing diapers that drag the ground, and stay awake until 2 am, emptying the refrigerator onto the kitchen floor. (I'm not making that up. Those were my neighbor's kids at Ft. Stewart.) No, you are not those people. You, my friend, are a GOOD parent. Your kid is downright angelic.

Enjoy it while you can. Before long, that perfect little angel will lie straight to your face, steal money from your purse or food from your pantry, do every single thing you tell them not to do, not want a single thing to do with you or anything about you, and have friends who are a royally shitty influence. You, the good parent, will have to roll with whatever punches your formerly angelic child decides to throw your way. There is no avoiding this.

I don't believe Erin is really any worse than the average kid her age, and we have had our share of punches to roll with, especially in the past 6 months. I can tell you that much. We did everything "right". Everything that's best practice, we've done it. Supernanny's got nothing on us as far as schedules and discipline go. We are good parents, and we know it. Our kid still turned out like this. We weren't immune, and more than likely, you won't be either.

The moral of the story is, you'll be there soon enough yourself. Do yourself and your karma a favor, and save the snide remarks when someone who's at a different stage of parenting than you are at, talks about the god-awful things their kid has done recently. (Seriously, not talking about it is not an option. The shit she comes up with on a daily basis makes me want to scream. If I didn't know better, I'd think she lay awake at night plotting ways to drive us insane the next day.) Not only do we not want to hear it, because being kicked when you're down isn't cool, but we also know that even when you do everything right, this still happens, and it'll probably happen to you, too, even though you won't believe us if we tell you.

Remember this. I, too, was a great parent before I had kids who were [insert age here]. I offer up this: You spare me the bullshit now, and in five years, when you're standing there slack-jawed as your kid does the exact same stuff as Erin is doing now, I won't remind you that I told you so. Deal?

Solid foods

When a baby starts solid foods is something of a debate, and like vaccinations, it seems there's a generational disconnect when it comes to best practice. What was considered best practice a decade or two ago is a little different than what is considered best practice today. In the case of solid food, this change is rather slight, but present no less. (We're not talking about putting cereal in bottles, or any other misguided advice handed down through generations for whatever inane reason. We're talking about BEST PRACTICE recommendations, the type of stuff research supports, or did then.) Click here to see the AAP's article on it from earlier this year.

It used to be recommended to start trying to give solids at 4 months, and to definitely do it before 6 months. Now they say you can start as early as 4 months, but preferably will wait until 6. This is a small change in wording, but a big change in meaning. The window of opportunity is the same, but the preferred time frame has shifted from earlier to later. This mirrors the recommendation of many national medical associations throughout Europe. It's been working great there for years, and makes perfect sense to me.

I did give Erin and Orren solid foods earlier than 6 months (Erin was 5.5 months, Orren was 4.5 months), but as far as we knew then, the recommendation had not changed. Either way, it wasn't bad or anything. Just, waiting until closer to 6 months may be better, especially for a breastfed baby since a lot of the traditionally given solid foods are more or less empty calories, and breastmilk is a lot better for them than that anyway. Being that Erin and Orren were on only formula by that age, it may have actually been better for them to have solids a little sooner than a breastfed baby would, just because formula is not as nutritious as breastmilk.

That brings me to my next point. The whole rice cereal and purees thing is quickly going out of style. We have learned a lot about this stuff in the past couple years that gave us a great distaste for it in general. In fact, we quit purees and cereals with Orren just weeks after he began eating solid foods. The nurses at our pediatrician's office thought we were nuts (They don't ask what he eats. They ask, "What stage of Gerber is he on?" I kid you not.), but it worked so well to just not us purees that we knew what we were doing was right. We simply fed Orren whatever we were eating, and he fed himself with his hands. We later learned that there is a name for this, baby-led weaning. Click here to learn more about it.

Basically, the idea is that you don't spoon feed purees or cereals. You just give the baby his own food, and let him do it his way. He will eat what he is able to eat. I have found this to be absolutely effective, and encourages a diverse palate as well. Erin, my kid who ate jarred food all the way, is the worst eater I can imagine. Meal times with her are a nightmare every single time, even now. Orren, who did baby-led weaning, is the exact opposite. Coincidence? Maybe a little bit, but probably not entirely. It's pretty obvious what we'll be continuing with Chai.

We also recently learned that the grain cereals are not very healthy to eat. For one, rice cereal is linked to an increase in diabetes. It throws sugar and insulin levels all out of whack. That's something I would pay special attention to. My boys, being of Asian heritage, are more prone to diabetes anyway, and there is a family history on Thak's side of the family (his mom had it) so we're not going to do anything that would increase our boys' chances of developing it. Not to mention, rice cereal is pretty much empty calories, tastes like cardboard, and all of it that's sold here in the US is iron-fortified, which is bad for breastfed babies. The reason that's bad for breastfed babies is because the synthetic iron supplement in it can actually inhibit the absorption of the iron in breastmilk, and cause the baby to become anemic. Talk about counter-productive! In formula-fed babies, this is not an issue because the iron in rice cereal is similar to that in formula, so there's no inhibiting of absorption there. Basically, the old stand-by of starting with rice cereal is something that should be considered carefully before doing it. Some people may still decide to do it, and that's cool, but it's not right for everybody, and we decided, now knowing what we know, that it's not right for us.

Chai will probably start with homegrown squash. If not that, then maybe avocado or banana, just sliced on his high chair tray where he can manage them. He already puts everything in his mouth, so it won't take him long to get the idea. From there, he'll branch out into whatever else suits him, just like Orren did.

Thank goodness for breastfeeding.

For the past week, at any given time, at least one person in this family has been sick, sometimes more than one at the same time. I don't usually get sick, but with the crappy cheap foods we eat these days because that's all we can afford anymore, and the stress of watching the life we've built over the past 7 years crash down in a matter of months, my immune system is pretty much shot right now, so I got sick, too. I was so sick for most of a day that I couldn't nurse Chai much, and Thak had to feed him pumped milk from the freezer for about half his feedings, but I nursed him as much as possible even then.

Because of this, Chai is the one member of this family who did not get sick. Through breastmilk, he got the antibodies to fight off the virus before it even made him sick. It's the same principle as a vaccine, but without the toxic chemicals and scary side-effects. I am so glad he didn't get sick. It was bad enough that the rest of us did, but a sick baby is even worse than pretty much anything else. Erin and Orren both caught some nasty bugs like this one when they were about Chai's age, and it was really scary. I am so glad Chai dodged that bullet this time. If that's not a great reward for fighting through our breastfeeding difficulties, and succeeding in spite of it all, I don't know what is.

Oh, and the bebe Chai is four months old now. That means we are 2/3 of the way to our initial breastfeeding goal of 6 months. That doesn't mean we're stopping then, of course. We actually have no plans to stop at all, and have every intention of letting Chai gradually self-wean when he's ready. The 6 month thing was the initial goal I set out at the beginning, as a starting point, and we are almost there! Also, at 6 months, he'll be starting solids, so our breastfeeding dynamic will change a little as he eats more. More on solid foods later, though.