I was a great parent before I had kids.

Well... I really wasn't. I wasn't one of those people who actually planned on having children, or gave any thought to what I would do with them. They just sort of happened to me, and I've done my best with them. Granted, I think my best is pretty good. It's at least research-based. Even so, the fact remains, people in general are way better parents before they have kids. By that, I mean they have it all figured out. They think they know exactly what they'll do in every situation. These things are nearly never practical, and most don't even come close to happening when that person actually has kids. This applies also to people who do have kids, as it pertains to older age kids than what they've got. It would be like, "I was so good at school age parenting when I had a toddler." or "I was so good at parenting a teen when I had an 8-year-old."

I swear, if I have to suffer through one more toddler parent's bullshit dissertation on what they'll do when their kid is Erin's age, I am going to scream. I have taken to laughing while they go on and on about how THEIR kid will never do [insert totally normal thing here] because they'll do [insert bullshit that doesn't work for anybody here]. This applies especially to those who seek to give me advice on what to do with Erin.

Erin is a problem as of late. 8 is a hard age, and I find out more and more that I'm just not that good of a girl mommy. I'm pretty lucky my other two are boys. This is not an easy time for us with Erin, and I don't suspect it will get easier anytime soon. We have a kid who used to be great to deal with, but now runs off at random, lies like it's her job, has NEVER eaten what we've served her, and thinks the rules don't apply to her. Honestly, she's pretty ridiculous to deal with a lot of the time. Trust me when I tell you, the things that work to keep Orren in line, DO NOT work to keep Erin in line. Toddlers and 8-year-olds are pretty different breeds of animal, but boy do the toddler parents in my life love to give advice on what to do with a school age kid!

I get it. It's easy to feel like a pretty good parent when they're still little. From the moment of conception, you've done everything right. You chose the best midwife, the nicest birth center (or hospital if that's your thing), the most naturally minded pediatrician. You researched vaccines, bought organic cotton baby clothes, made your own baby food, breastfed for as long as you possibly could, and by the time the kid got to be a toddler, he/she was just the most wonderful charismatic little thing that ever walked the face of the earth. They are nothing like the neighbor's kids who are running down the street unattended, wearing diapers that drag the ground, and stay awake until 2 am, emptying the refrigerator onto the kitchen floor. (I'm not making that up. Those were my neighbor's kids at Ft. Stewart.) No, you are not those people. You, my friend, are a GOOD parent. Your kid is downright angelic.

Enjoy it while you can. Before long, that perfect little angel will lie straight to your face, steal money from your purse or food from your pantry, do every single thing you tell them not to do, not want a single thing to do with you or anything about you, and have friends who are a royally shitty influence. You, the good parent, will have to roll with whatever punches your formerly angelic child decides to throw your way. There is no avoiding this.

I don't believe Erin is really any worse than the average kid her age, and we have had our share of punches to roll with, especially in the past 6 months. I can tell you that much. We did everything "right". Everything that's best practice, we've done it. Supernanny's got nothing on us as far as schedules and discipline go. We are good parents, and we know it. Our kid still turned out like this. We weren't immune, and more than likely, you won't be either.

The moral of the story is, you'll be there soon enough yourself. Do yourself and your karma a favor, and save the snide remarks when someone who's at a different stage of parenting than you are at, talks about the god-awful things their kid has done recently. (Seriously, not talking about it is not an option. The shit she comes up with on a daily basis makes me want to scream. If I didn't know better, I'd think she lay awake at night plotting ways to drive us insane the next day.) Not only do we not want to hear it, because being kicked when you're down isn't cool, but we also know that even when you do everything right, this still happens, and it'll probably happen to you, too, even though you won't believe us if we tell you.

Remember this. I, too, was a great parent before I had kids who were [insert age here]. I offer up this: You spare me the bullshit now, and in five years, when you're standing there slack-jawed as your kid does the exact same stuff as Erin is doing now, I won't remind you that I told you so. Deal?