Three. Oh.

As it is now midnight on the east coast, where I was born, I am officially 30 years old. Here in West Texas, it just started raining. I cannot help but feel like it is a present from the universe, sent just for me. It never rains here, and I love the rain.

I can't believe I've been kicking around this good earth for 30 years. I kind of hate how fast it's gone by, to tell you the truth. It's like the fun part is over, and I never even got to most of it. I think I'm supposed to have some things figured out, or know some stuff, but really, I'm not sure I do. I have learned a good bit, but all lessons lead to one conclusion. There is still a lot more to learn.

I didn't discover anything groundbreaking, or get famous, or backpack through Europe, or take a long road trip through parts of the country you don't hear much about. I did, however, learn that being a machine gunner is nowhere near as cool as it sounds, that marriage is hard work, that a war doesn't make it any easier, that babies are the coolest things ever invented, Buddha had the right idea, and the government is an evil of questionable necessity. Most of all, I learned that it (whatever "it" may be) can definitely happen to me.

I suppose the biggest thing that came of this past decade is that I finally give myself permission to just be me. There's no reinventing needed, and I'm really not trying to impress anybody anymore. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but you know, neither is anybody else. My best is good enough for me, and for those who really matter.

One thing I realize is that it seems like we're always so hard on ourselves, and only realize how good we had it when it's long gone. I spent years of my life believing I was ugly, just because nobody ever told me otherwise, only to look back on pictures from those years now, and realize that I was beautiful all the while. I wonder what I will see in myself in ten years, that I don't see now even though it's right in front of my face. Maybe the lesson here is to care less about the imperfections, and just enjoy life for what it is now.

It goes by fast. I was listening to the radio the other day, and the DJ said, "And now here's a classic from George Strait." I was expecting something from the 80's. No. This song came out my senior year of high school. I think my exact words were, "What the fuck?! That's not a classic, you idiot!" and then I realized that was 12 years ago. You have got to be kidding me. This stuff still seems new to me. It cannot have been 12 years ago that I was that high school senior running around in a pair of size 0 Wrangler jeans and a pair of Justin ropers, trying to figure out whose hay field the party was going to be in that weekend, and what older guy I could talk into buying the kegs for us. No, that was not 12 years ago. That was yesterday. I am not 30 years old, married for seven years, with three children. I can't be. It hasn't been long enough for all that to have happened. 80's stuff isn't vintage. Music from 2000 isn't old. It just can't be. It is, though. It happens before you know it.

The idea, I suppose, is to enjoy. There's no great epiphany here. Another decade on this good earth has come and gone for me, and that's ok. Well, it better be. I mean, really, what choice do any of us have?

Happy birthday to me. Why the hell not?