Erin came home from school yesterday and told me that her speech teacher told her she no longer needs to be in speech. Dude... What is this woman smoking? Anyone who has spent more than five minute around Erin knows she needs to be in speech. No, she doesn't have a lisp or a stutter, and she can pronounce every sound, but there is a lot of stuff that she still messes up. She puts a D sound on the end of pretty much every word. Her syntax is worse than her 3-year-old brother's. She mixes up words all the time. The kid needs speech. She's improving, sure, but she will do better given more time in speech. I was shocked when I heard that her speech teacher didn't think she needed to be in speech. Now, of course, she didn't send anything home about that, so maybe Erin just misunderstood what she said, but if they're thinking of taking Erin out of speech, they're crazy.
Of course, everyone remembers the infamous phone call from last week, from Erin's teacher, saying that she can't possibly be dyslexic because she doesn't write things backward, that instead, she's slow, and possibly has ADD. Yeah... That was nice. Take that into consideration along with the speech thing, and I'm starting to notice a trend here.
I really wonder what they're trying to accomplish here. These public school teachers don't even want to help the kids, it seems. I don't get it. At Erin's old school, sure, they were hesitant to put things on paper, but she could have help all day long. Nobody ever denied that she needed services, and she got what she needed. I eventually did get them to put it all on paper, in the form of Erin's IEP, but even that doesn't do a lot in the face of this crazy school.
Now, before anyone irately tells me how I need to take the place by storm and demand heads on sticks, I'll just tell you that I'm not going to do that. The main reason why is because we only have a few weeks left in the school year, and Erin won't be going back to this school next year since it only goes through second grade. I really don't care much what this school does, because honestly, it doesn't affect us in a few weeks anyway, and they're going to continue giving her services through the end of the year. (Even if they weren't, I wouldn't push it at this point. It's three weeks.) Now, if the school she goes to next year tries this same stuff, I will ask that she be retested, so they can see that she needs these services, and if they deny them, well, heads will roll.
You know, it's crazy. People are really quick to point out that public schools are generally good, and to get really defensive when I say that we haven't had success with them for Erin. The thing is, though, it seems to be proving itself true again. This county has one of the best school systems in the state of Georgia, which has one of the best school systems in the nation. This place is pretty much the best case scenario for public school, and I'll be honest. I see disaster potential right now. One thing is for sure. We are getting out of Pembroke as soon as we can. When we buy our place, we will be going nearer to Savannah or Statesboro, and attempting to find a suitable charter school for Erin, something close to what she had in El Paso. We are giving Bryan County public schools one more try next year. It wasn't as big a disaster as the El Paso public schools were. She's not being bullied, and the quality of instruction is generally good, and at least it's in English. We'll be giving it one last try next year, and if it doesn't pan out, then I think it'll be safe to say public school just isn't for her. I don't see a single reason Orren wouldn't thrive in that environment, but Erin needs more, and if they won't give it to her, well, we'll have to find somewhere else.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Little Debbie cakes, public school, and standards.
Erin's teacher sent home a note asking that I send in Little Debbie cakes for field day next week. Seems fair enough, right? Really, it is. Here's the thing, though. This is about the 4th junk food request, and Erin's been in that school about a month. It's getting pretty ridiculous. We don't eat like that, and buying that stuff sends the wrong message to Erin. Erin has to have things very black and white. If she sees us buying something, she thinks it's good, and that she can ask for it again (and by again, I mean every day for the next five years.) Case in point, I bought her Spaghettios once when I was pregnant with Orren, and too nauseous to cook her anything. Thak was deployed, and I had to feed Erin, so I bought her Spaghettios. I was 14 months into a 15 month deployment, and fighting morning sickness that was really more like all day sickness (I know what you're thinking... Orren was an R&R baby.) I did what I had to do. Do you know, Erin is STILL asking for Spaghettios? She literally asked for them yesterday. She's had them that one time in her entire life. There is no mental capacity for "this is a one time thing" within Erin. None. If I buy Little Debbie cakes once, I will be plagued to buy them again every time we set foot in a grocery store for the rest of my life.
I can't just send nothing, though, and I don't want to be that smart ass parent who sends fruit when asked for snack cakes, so I polled an online group of supposedly alternative local moms, for their best suggestions. I never buy prepackaged snacks, even though I know they sell them at some of the health food stores that are organic, and made without refined sugar, and stuff like that. I just wanted to know if anyone had a go-to snack that they use in situations like this. The responses baffled me.
First of all, no, it's not just a one time thing, and I'm not going to just buy the Little Debbie cakes, for the reasons I already mentioned. I understand that may be perceived as selfish to some, but honestly, with three children, two cats, a dog, and a husband who works the most unpredictable hours ever (Fly Army, y'all!!), all shoved in a 2 BR apartment in the middle of freaking nowhere (literally, an hour from any grocery store I would actually like to go to), I'll do anything to preserve any shred of sanity I may have left at this point. Not being bothered for Little Debbie cakes every time I set foot in a grocery store for the rest of my life is a pretty big deal under the circumstances, considering all the other crap I get hit up for constantly by her (literally, every "one time thing" that there's ever been).
Secondly, I'm not going to send fruit, because 1) Erin is old enough that the other kids are going to know she's the one who brought fruit when she was supposed to bring Little Debbie cakes. That's not exactly a popularity making move right there. I'm not one for bending to the establishment, but at 8 years old, pretty much everybody is; And 2) This teacher seems like the type who would totally call me and be like, "Why did you send bananas when I asked for Little Debbie cakes?!" and I just really don't want to have that conversation. The balance is to find something that is similar enough to what was requested, but without disgusting ingredients we can't pronounce. I just need to know the names of such products so that I can know what I'm looking for when I road trip to the grocery store.
I'm also reminded that people who don't have school age kids really don't understand. When your kids are at home with you, or minimally exposed to the outside world, in the form of preschool or playgroup, you have a whole lot more influence than you do when your kids go to school, unless you put them in a small alternative school, but even then, there will be some influence you won't like. Trust me on this. You will have to strike the balance. You will have to compromise, and know when to concede. I was ok with the first junk food request. I was ok with the second one. (These, it was easy to find a less junky alternative to what they were asking for, that filled the same role. This one had me stumped since homemade stuff isn't allowed.) I'm not sitting here insisting that everything always be my way, or that things be ideal. I'm also not willing to just go with whatever crap they want me to go with. When you have school age kids, you learn to strike this balance, because the kids at that age, have one foot in your world and one foot in the rest of the world. My world might include things like a watermelon patch in the backyard, green smoothies, and at least one meal a week centered around quinoa, but the fact of the matter is, the rest of the world loves shit like Little Debbie cakes, and thinks it's a totally normal thing to request. My kid can't strike that balance herself. That's my job. It's also the job of every parent who has a school age kid, and lives in a way that is not particularly mainstream.
As for me, I'm going to make a trip to Kroger. I hear they have some cool little fruit and cereal bars (similar to nutrigrain bars) in their organics section that don't have preservatives or HFCS in them. I'm going to check it out, and if I find such a thing, that's probably what I'll go with. I think it's close enough. If anyone's got a better idea, please text me about it. I've got until Friday, and I'm open to suggestions. :)
I can't just send nothing, though, and I don't want to be that smart ass parent who sends fruit when asked for snack cakes, so I polled an online group of supposedly alternative local moms, for their best suggestions. I never buy prepackaged snacks, even though I know they sell them at some of the health food stores that are organic, and made without refined sugar, and stuff like that. I just wanted to know if anyone had a go-to snack that they use in situations like this. The responses baffled me.
First of all, no, it's not just a one time thing, and I'm not going to just buy the Little Debbie cakes, for the reasons I already mentioned. I understand that may be perceived as selfish to some, but honestly, with three children, two cats, a dog, and a husband who works the most unpredictable hours ever (Fly Army, y'all!!), all shoved in a 2 BR apartment in the middle of freaking nowhere (literally, an hour from any grocery store I would actually like to go to), I'll do anything to preserve any shred of sanity I may have left at this point. Not being bothered for Little Debbie cakes every time I set foot in a grocery store for the rest of my life is a pretty big deal under the circumstances, considering all the other crap I get hit up for constantly by her (literally, every "one time thing" that there's ever been).
Secondly, I'm not going to send fruit, because 1) Erin is old enough that the other kids are going to know she's the one who brought fruit when she was supposed to bring Little Debbie cakes. That's not exactly a popularity making move right there. I'm not one for bending to the establishment, but at 8 years old, pretty much everybody is; And 2) This teacher seems like the type who would totally call me and be like, "Why did you send bananas when I asked for Little Debbie cakes?!" and I just really don't want to have that conversation. The balance is to find something that is similar enough to what was requested, but without disgusting ingredients we can't pronounce. I just need to know the names of such products so that I can know what I'm looking for when I road trip to the grocery store.
I'm also reminded that people who don't have school age kids really don't understand. When your kids are at home with you, or minimally exposed to the outside world, in the form of preschool or playgroup, you have a whole lot more influence than you do when your kids go to school, unless you put them in a small alternative school, but even then, there will be some influence you won't like. Trust me on this. You will have to strike the balance. You will have to compromise, and know when to concede. I was ok with the first junk food request. I was ok with the second one. (These, it was easy to find a less junky alternative to what they were asking for, that filled the same role. This one had me stumped since homemade stuff isn't allowed.) I'm not sitting here insisting that everything always be my way, or that things be ideal. I'm also not willing to just go with whatever crap they want me to go with. When you have school age kids, you learn to strike this balance, because the kids at that age, have one foot in your world and one foot in the rest of the world. My world might include things like a watermelon patch in the backyard, green smoothies, and at least one meal a week centered around quinoa, but the fact of the matter is, the rest of the world loves shit like Little Debbie cakes, and thinks it's a totally normal thing to request. My kid can't strike that balance herself. That's my job. It's also the job of every parent who has a school age kid, and lives in a way that is not particularly mainstream.
As for me, I'm going to make a trip to Kroger. I hear they have some cool little fruit and cereal bars (similar to nutrigrain bars) in their organics section that don't have preservatives or HFCS in them. I'm going to check it out, and if I find such a thing, that's probably what I'll go with. I think it's close enough. If anyone's got a better idea, please text me about it. I've got until Friday, and I'm open to suggestions. :)
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Just general BS
We have planted watermelons, cantaloupes, squashes, and kale. All have come up, It's amazing to be back in GA, where stuff actually grows without a ton of effort. In El Paso, just to get seeds to sprout required a ton of intervention from us, and even then, most of them wouldn't grow much beyond initially sprouting. Here, you just plant the seeds, and they grow. It's awesome. I can't wait until we have our own watermelons and cantaloupes to eat.
Erin has been making a name for herself in her new school, and not in a good way. She has been talking to friends too much in class. Basically, she is used to being able to work cooperatively with other kids, but at this school, that's not how they do it. They have to be quiet and do their own work. Erin isn't used to that, so she wasn't doing her work. She didn't understand it (nothing new there), and her friends wouldn't answer her when she'd ask them questions (because they'd get in trouble for talking, like her), so she would just hide her papers somewhere. She also got two bad notes home, which she proceeded to forge my signature to, getting me a call from her teacher, who thinks she's not dyslexic (which I kind of agree with), and suspects she's just slow, and possibly ADD (the latter of which I do not agree with). Also, her IEP said she was consultative, meaning she wasn't actually receiving services, even though she was, so that's been interesting to sort out as well.
I do see how it is a hard adjustment for Erin. She said she doesn't like her new teacher because she isn't Ms. Pilkington (her teacher from her old school). I understand that, because they are very different. Her teacher now is not mean or anything, but she's pretty much the no bullshit old-school southern teacher I saw a lot of when I was in school. Ms P is completely different. She's very quiet, reserved, sweet... Her approach to the kids is completely different. I can see how this could be an adjustment, but it is one that Erin will have to make. We told her that she has to ask her teacher when she has questions, because that's the way it works here. Erin is also used to being in a really small school, where everyone knows her, and sees her as a good kid with genuine issues. What she doesn't realize is that that ship has sailed, and now she's just the new kid who's been trouble since she walked through the door. They don't know her here, and that's not something she's used to. Luckily, there are only 5 more weeks in the school year. That's, if she's not sentenced to summer school, of course...
On a brighter note, we went to the birth center that Orren was born at yesterday. (Yes, they do non-birthy stuff as well! We aren't expecting Maijala Baby #4 as far as we know.) It was so cool to go back. The place hasn't changed a bit, and everyone was just as great as they've always been. Most of them remembered Orren, too. It's hard to forget a baby born on Christmas, especially when he's the only one ever to be born on Christmas in that birth center. We got many compliments on his beautiful hair, and how sweet he is, and of course, everyone liked meeting Bebe Chai, too. It was good to be back there. It's a great place with a lot of good memories for us. Plus, it's good to be seen by people I trust so much, rather than just picking random doctors off my insurance list, like I had to do in El Paso. Of course, Thak HAD to go to the birth center with us, too. He loves that place at least as much as I do.
Thak's unit was also flying this week, so me and the kids spent a fair amount of time at the airfield, bringing him food (because aviation knows no dinner breaks!) trying to see a launch, but we never timed it quite right. When we would have been there in time, there were issues with the plane. When there weren't issues with the plane, we didn't make it in time. Since we live so far away, it's not like he can just call us when they're putting it on the launcher, and we head over. The rest of the days, it rained and they couldn't fly anyway. That's just life in the world of UAV's. There will be plenty more opportunities to see launches and landings. Orren went to work with daddy one day, and stayed the whole time. He was asking so many questions about how the planes fly, and how they work, and stuff like that. Thak explained it to him, and then before he knew it, Orren was explaining it to one of the other contractors! He wasn't just parroting what Thak had told him either. He really understood. He has also explained it to me a bunch of times since. He's very fascinated with flight, and amazingly, understands it pretty well for a 3-year-old. That boy amazes me with how smart he is. It's so good for him to go to the airfield and be able to learn all this.
And I have just realized that we have to be thinking about Bebe Chai's birthday party in just over a month. This is unbelievable. He can't be 1 already. He just can't be. The more kids you have, the faster it goes by.
Erin has been making a name for herself in her new school, and not in a good way. She has been talking to friends too much in class. Basically, she is used to being able to work cooperatively with other kids, but at this school, that's not how they do it. They have to be quiet and do their own work. Erin isn't used to that, so she wasn't doing her work. She didn't understand it (nothing new there), and her friends wouldn't answer her when she'd ask them questions (because they'd get in trouble for talking, like her), so she would just hide her papers somewhere. She also got two bad notes home, which she proceeded to forge my signature to, getting me a call from her teacher, who thinks she's not dyslexic (which I kind of agree with), and suspects she's just slow, and possibly ADD (the latter of which I do not agree with). Also, her IEP said she was consultative, meaning she wasn't actually receiving services, even though she was, so that's been interesting to sort out as well.
I do see how it is a hard adjustment for Erin. She said she doesn't like her new teacher because she isn't Ms. Pilkington (her teacher from her old school). I understand that, because they are very different. Her teacher now is not mean or anything, but she's pretty much the no bullshit old-school southern teacher I saw a lot of when I was in school. Ms P is completely different. She's very quiet, reserved, sweet... Her approach to the kids is completely different. I can see how this could be an adjustment, but it is one that Erin will have to make. We told her that she has to ask her teacher when she has questions, because that's the way it works here. Erin is also used to being in a really small school, where everyone knows her, and sees her as a good kid with genuine issues. What she doesn't realize is that that ship has sailed, and now she's just the new kid who's been trouble since she walked through the door. They don't know her here, and that's not something she's used to. Luckily, there are only 5 more weeks in the school year. That's, if she's not sentenced to summer school, of course...
On a brighter note, we went to the birth center that Orren was born at yesterday. (Yes, they do non-birthy stuff as well! We aren't expecting Maijala Baby #4 as far as we know.) It was so cool to go back. The place hasn't changed a bit, and everyone was just as great as they've always been. Most of them remembered Orren, too. It's hard to forget a baby born on Christmas, especially when he's the only one ever to be born on Christmas in that birth center. We got many compliments on his beautiful hair, and how sweet he is, and of course, everyone liked meeting Bebe Chai, too. It was good to be back there. It's a great place with a lot of good memories for us. Plus, it's good to be seen by people I trust so much, rather than just picking random doctors off my insurance list, like I had to do in El Paso. Of course, Thak HAD to go to the birth center with us, too. He loves that place at least as much as I do.
Thak's unit was also flying this week, so me and the kids spent a fair amount of time at the airfield, bringing him food (because aviation knows no dinner breaks!) trying to see a launch, but we never timed it quite right. When we would have been there in time, there were issues with the plane. When there weren't issues with the plane, we didn't make it in time. Since we live so far away, it's not like he can just call us when they're putting it on the launcher, and we head over. The rest of the days, it rained and they couldn't fly anyway. That's just life in the world of UAV's. There will be plenty more opportunities to see launches and landings. Orren went to work with daddy one day, and stayed the whole time. He was asking so many questions about how the planes fly, and how they work, and stuff like that. Thak explained it to him, and then before he knew it, Orren was explaining it to one of the other contractors! He wasn't just parroting what Thak had told him either. He really understood. He has also explained it to me a bunch of times since. He's very fascinated with flight, and amazingly, understands it pretty well for a 3-year-old. That boy amazes me with how smart he is. It's so good for him to go to the airfield and be able to learn all this.
And I have just realized that we have to be thinking about Bebe Chai's birthday party in just over a month. This is unbelievable. He can't be 1 already. He just can't be. The more kids you have, the faster it goes by.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Why do we care? Why does anybody care?
So I have this friend from back in Texas. She's expecting her first baby, and is really impressionable. She's not one who's had it set in her mind how she'll do this, and was very open to suggestion until lately. Unfortunately, it seems like she's fallen in with a really mainstream crowd, despite the best efforts of those of us who tried to make a difference and prevent that kind of thing from happening. Today, she made some comment, the basic gist of which was, "Why do some people care what others do with their kids? Nobody knows best."
First of all, I beg to differ. There are definitely certain practices which are evidence based, and others which are not. For example, formula feeding is nutritionally inferior to breastfeeding. Putting a 1-year-old in a forward-facing carseat is more dangerous than putting them in a rear-facing carseat. Evidence supports this. Similarly, if you are very capable of critical thought, and understand what sources carry what bias, you can actually find the truth about such complex issues as vaccines and circumcision. Actually, when it comes to circumcision, taking a gander at the British Journal of Medicine will do the trick. Vaccines are more complex than that. Hence, they're my Achilles heel as a parent. (Yes, even Anna admits she has an Achilles heel. I don't think I'm perfect, contrary to popular belief. Intelligent and analytical? Damned right. Perfect? Never.) But I digress. The point is, some people do know better than others, and it comes down to what research they have done.
I also wonder how these individuals think best practice has evolved over the course of years. You know, we're not using leeches for medical treatment anymore, and women no longer birth in twilight sleep. Obviously, there has been progress, and the reason progress happens is because people demand it. Somewhere, some woman said, "Hey, I don't think I want to give birth asleep and tied to a bed." and demanded better. Then a bunch of others realized she had the right idea, and one by one, change happened.
We are in the midst of a cultural shift when it comes to many parenting issues. Circumcision is the one that really comes to mind. A generation ago, it was almost unheard of to opt out of this custom, which was popularized a century or so ago by one Dr. Kellogg (yes, the cereal guy), as a cure for masturbation, which, as we know, is a plague upon the world. This custom went on virtually unchecked until recent years, when American parents started to ask why they were cutting their baby boys, when we don't cut baby girls. Whereas a generation ago, it was only immigrant parents who were in the know about circumcision being unnecessary, because it's never been popular in most countries, today, that's changing. Circumcision rates for newborns in most states are falling below 50%. Change is happening. People are catching on that this isn't an evidence based practice in the least. It's not cleaner, or easier to care for, or inevitable (he won't have to have it done later). Probably the only reason this custom pervades even today is that misinformation is rampant. People know that it's what's always been done in their families. They want their sons to look like them (That's insane if you think about it. Of course your son won't look like you. You're an adult and he's a kid.), they've heard the outdated reasons that it was done in the past... You name it, misinformation is what keeps this thing going. To raise awareness of the truth of the matter (a truth that all of Europe and most of Asia has always known) should not be perceived as wrong or bad, or people sticking their noses where they don't belong.
Vaccines are another huge issue. Yes, a generation ago, our parents could take us to the doctor, and trust that the doctor would not give us so many vaccines it would throw our bodies into total toxic overload, creating worse problems than the diseases the vaccines are supposed to protect against. Today's parents cannot say the same. The recommended vaccine schedule for our kids contains three times as many vaccines as it did for us when we were their age. At the same time, so many health conditions are on the rise. Coincidence? Well, what do you think? The point is, just taking the doctor's word for it is a really bad idea, and that's all that vaccine awareness advocates are trying to say. I also find that there's a lot of fear mongering surrounding this issue, and a great lack of understanding about how vaccines actually work. It isn't that we think you're stupid. It's that being uninformed or misinformed on this issue could have serious health consequences, and if when you're done being mad at us, you decide to do actual research on it, then it was worth it.
Now, to answer the question of why we care, it's really quite simple. I care because I used to be uninformed, misinformed, and just as ignorant on these issues as anyone else. Today, I am well informed, and up to date on the most current research. So what got me from there to here? Well, a lot of reading mostly. The catalyst to me doing that reading, was that some people weren't afraid to speak up, and question what I knew about these subjects. Maybe it is my science background, but when I make a decision, I'm definitely prepared to answer for why I made it. It doesn't offend me in the least if someone asks me why I did or did not do something. In fact, that's what made me change my ways on vaccinations. Someone asked me why I fully vaccinated Erin. I thought for a minute and realized I had no idea why I did that. That tipped off years of research into vaccines, because I need to understand why I'm doing something, if I'm going to do it. I wouldn't have researched vaccines if nobody had asked me why I allowed Erin to be fully vaccinated. The reason those of us who question you, care to do that, is because somebody questioned us once, and it changed our lives.
The other thing is, the alternative parenting community is full of people who have regrets over something they did before they learned to question. Some have circumcised their sons before knowing it isn't necessary. Others have vaccinated a child who ended up getting vaccine injured, before they knew what they know now about vaccinations. Some didn't breastfeed for long, or quit breastfeeding due to things that were preventable, or maybe didn't even try at all, before they knew how important it was, or how they could succeed. The community is full of these people, and we don't want to see anyone else go through that. It's not pleasant to know that the thing you thought you were doing for the good of your child actually harmed them. We're just trying to get you to think, so that you don't inadvertently harm your kid and then regret it like so many other people.
Nobody was ever harmed by being aware, but plenty are harmed by being defensive. When you are able to see that people aren't judging you just because they want to inform you, then you will be able to see these things for what they are.
First of all, I beg to differ. There are definitely certain practices which are evidence based, and others which are not. For example, formula feeding is nutritionally inferior to breastfeeding. Putting a 1-year-old in a forward-facing carseat is more dangerous than putting them in a rear-facing carseat. Evidence supports this. Similarly, if you are very capable of critical thought, and understand what sources carry what bias, you can actually find the truth about such complex issues as vaccines and circumcision. Actually, when it comes to circumcision, taking a gander at the British Journal of Medicine will do the trick. Vaccines are more complex than that. Hence, they're my Achilles heel as a parent. (Yes, even Anna admits she has an Achilles heel. I don't think I'm perfect, contrary to popular belief. Intelligent and analytical? Damned right. Perfect? Never.) But I digress. The point is, some people do know better than others, and it comes down to what research they have done.
I also wonder how these individuals think best practice has evolved over the course of years. You know, we're not using leeches for medical treatment anymore, and women no longer birth in twilight sleep. Obviously, there has been progress, and the reason progress happens is because people demand it. Somewhere, some woman said, "Hey, I don't think I want to give birth asleep and tied to a bed." and demanded better. Then a bunch of others realized she had the right idea, and one by one, change happened.
We are in the midst of a cultural shift when it comes to many parenting issues. Circumcision is the one that really comes to mind. A generation ago, it was almost unheard of to opt out of this custom, which was popularized a century or so ago by one Dr. Kellogg (yes, the cereal guy), as a cure for masturbation, which, as we know, is a plague upon the world. This custom went on virtually unchecked until recent years, when American parents started to ask why they were cutting their baby boys, when we don't cut baby girls. Whereas a generation ago, it was only immigrant parents who were in the know about circumcision being unnecessary, because it's never been popular in most countries, today, that's changing. Circumcision rates for newborns in most states are falling below 50%. Change is happening. People are catching on that this isn't an evidence based practice in the least. It's not cleaner, or easier to care for, or inevitable (he won't have to have it done later). Probably the only reason this custom pervades even today is that misinformation is rampant. People know that it's what's always been done in their families. They want their sons to look like them (That's insane if you think about it. Of course your son won't look like you. You're an adult and he's a kid.), they've heard the outdated reasons that it was done in the past... You name it, misinformation is what keeps this thing going. To raise awareness of the truth of the matter (a truth that all of Europe and most of Asia has always known) should not be perceived as wrong or bad, or people sticking their noses where they don't belong.
Vaccines are another huge issue. Yes, a generation ago, our parents could take us to the doctor, and trust that the doctor would not give us so many vaccines it would throw our bodies into total toxic overload, creating worse problems than the diseases the vaccines are supposed to protect against. Today's parents cannot say the same. The recommended vaccine schedule for our kids contains three times as many vaccines as it did for us when we were their age. At the same time, so many health conditions are on the rise. Coincidence? Well, what do you think? The point is, just taking the doctor's word for it is a really bad idea, and that's all that vaccine awareness advocates are trying to say. I also find that there's a lot of fear mongering surrounding this issue, and a great lack of understanding about how vaccines actually work. It isn't that we think you're stupid. It's that being uninformed or misinformed on this issue could have serious health consequences, and if when you're done being mad at us, you decide to do actual research on it, then it was worth it.
Now, to answer the question of why we care, it's really quite simple. I care because I used to be uninformed, misinformed, and just as ignorant on these issues as anyone else. Today, I am well informed, and up to date on the most current research. So what got me from there to here? Well, a lot of reading mostly. The catalyst to me doing that reading, was that some people weren't afraid to speak up, and question what I knew about these subjects. Maybe it is my science background, but when I make a decision, I'm definitely prepared to answer for why I made it. It doesn't offend me in the least if someone asks me why I did or did not do something. In fact, that's what made me change my ways on vaccinations. Someone asked me why I fully vaccinated Erin. I thought for a minute and realized I had no idea why I did that. That tipped off years of research into vaccines, because I need to understand why I'm doing something, if I'm going to do it. I wouldn't have researched vaccines if nobody had asked me why I allowed Erin to be fully vaccinated. The reason those of us who question you, care to do that, is because somebody questioned us once, and it changed our lives.
The other thing is, the alternative parenting community is full of people who have regrets over something they did before they learned to question. Some have circumcised their sons before knowing it isn't necessary. Others have vaccinated a child who ended up getting vaccine injured, before they knew what they know now about vaccinations. Some didn't breastfeed for long, or quit breastfeeding due to things that were preventable, or maybe didn't even try at all, before they knew how important it was, or how they could succeed. The community is full of these people, and we don't want to see anyone else go through that. It's not pleasant to know that the thing you thought you were doing for the good of your child actually harmed them. We're just trying to get you to think, so that you don't inadvertently harm your kid and then regret it like so many other people.
Nobody was ever harmed by being aware, but plenty are harmed by being defensive. When you are able to see that people aren't judging you just because they want to inform you, then you will be able to see these things for what they are.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Ah yes... The good old election year fun...
Democratic pundit Hillary Rosen is receiving major backlash for her comments about Ann Romney, wife of Mitt Romney, being out of touch with reality as most women in this country know it. Now, while some of her wording was understandably inflammatory to some people, I see her point. I also think her point goes way farther than just Ann Romney, and extends to the entire political elite, and even the upper class in general.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not hating on the rich. I just think that people inherently don't understand lifestyles they've never lived. They can try, sure, and that's commendable, but they will never truly understand. Even Michelle Obama, who tries harder than most people I've ever seen in high profile positions, to understand what the average American's life is like, has made comments that show that she clearly doesn't understand. Remember the second economic stimulus package thing from a few years ago? When asked if there would be more checks going out, she said that she supported her husband's choice to just reduce income tax for a certain group for that month, rather than sending out checks, and made reference to a few hundred bucks maybe buying someone a new bracelet, but not making a big difference in general. A woman who makes a comment like that has never had to wonder how she could stretch the last bag of dried beans in her pantry to feed her family of five for two days. To the person who does that, a few hundred bucks makes a huge difference. Anyhow, that's ancient history. It just goes to show that this disconnect exists on both sides of the political aisle, and among even the most well intentioned of people.
Someone mentioned at one point in the debates surrounding this, that once a person reaches a certain level of wealth, they literally cannot truly imagine what it's like to live poor. I think that's absolutely true. I don't think it even takes much wealth. When you factor in the cash value of benefits, Thak's entire compensation from the Army amounted to well over $100k a year. Not all of that was cash, of course, but there were a lot of things that we got for free that most people have to pay for (excellent health insurance comes to mind). We weren't the 1% by any means, but we were far better off than the average American. Then he decided he didn't want to do that anymore, and he walked away from it. Then he worked at a job that's very typical for what a lot of Americans do, and made so little money that we almost lost everything.
I had NO idea those things could happen. I had never honestly given it much thought what I would do if I couldn't afford the copay to take my kids to the doctor, so even though we were insured (minus the five days that we weren't, between our transitional Tricare coverage ending, and Thak starting his current job) our primary health policy was "Don't you DARE get sick". It had never occurred to me before that a biweekly trip to the grocery store to fill up my pantry and fridge would be out of reach, and that we would have to eat crappy food that compromised our immune systems, just so we didn't go hungry. I can also honestly say that I had never given any consideration to the fact that driving my kid 18 miles to school each day would be a financial hardship. I put her in the best school, and thought nothing else of it. I never imagined what it would be like to get our electricity turned off... until that happened, too. It had never occurred to me what I would do if I had no phones and no internet (minus the unsecured WiFi that we were able to pick up from time to time), but that was my life for a month. I had honestly never thought that I would see a day when I couldn't drive to my friend's house 5 miles away because if I used that gas, it would mean I couldn't take my kid to school the next day. Being that poor is very isolating.
I think, of all these things, the thing that surprised me the most, is how people treat you when you're going through hard times like those. They always assume you're stupid, that you blew all your money in an irresponsible way. I can't even tell you how many times some friend was like, "You need to talk some sense into that husband of yours and make him pay the bills!" Um, yes, he's trying. He was at the shop 6 days a week, working longer hours than he did in the Army, and bringing home $700 every two weeks (and that's an optimistic figure), plus $400 every Reserve drill. The house alone costs $1100, the cars another $800, the utilities roughly $400, and then food and gas at least another $500, it doesn't take a genius to see that even if you don't indulge in the occasional Coke or Hershey bar, these numbers aren't going to add up to anything good. I'm not going to say that we're not responsible for our situation, because we are. Thak made a choice that put us in that position, and he made it freely. We didn't get there by being stupid, though. People who have never been in that position so often assume that if you're struggling that hard, it's because you blew your paycheck on a new flat screen TV and rims for the Escalade (no, I don't have an Escalade).
See? The disconnect exists even when you're clearly middle class, not even rich. I could not fathom what life was going to be like when Thak was making so little money. He'd always brought home enough, and even when he did blow money on something stupid (if you ever want to see me totally panic, just say the words, "Babe, I had to spend a little money.") we were always able to recover from it pretty painlessly, just because there was enough coming in that it was possible to do that. I honestly did not think the things that happened, could ever happen to me. I took for granted that cooking from scratch and avoiding convenience foods, was sufficient to compensate the grocery budget enough to buy exclusively organic and grass fed meats, until I had to learn to feed a family of five on less than $100 a month, and learned that meat, fresh fruits, and coffee, were luxuries we would have to do without.
Now, we're living basically right at the middle for today's economy. Thak brings in $7k a year more than the average American worker, but still substantially less than he made in the Army. We have to pay for our benefits now, but that's not all bad. We have an HSA, so even if all the money's gone until next payday, if someone gets sick, we can take them to the doctor and be able to afford the copay. We are back to eating good foods. We haven't had any utilities cut off in months. We're doing fine. Money is tight, but we're fine. Even so, it's a far cry from where we were. I didn't know that I would ever have to fit a family of five into a two bedroom apartment, or that we would not be able to afford a 3 BR/2 BA house (What we used to consider our minimum!) in Hinesville, GA.
If this kind of disconnect in understanding exists even from the middle class, how the hell can we even remotely expect the rich to understand the average American. I had absolutely no idea what Average America was going through all these years. I was the wife of a soldier of, well... above average rank. Our life was what we knew. Their lives are what they know. Until you have your foundation not just rocked, but ripped right out from under you, and are forced to not only SEE how the other half lives, but actually live that way for a while, then I really don't think there will be full understanding.
Now, with that in mind, what should people do? Well, first of all, stop expecting people like Ann Romney and Michelle Obama to understand what you're going through. They don't, and you don't understand their lives either. It is what it is. They came by their lots in life rightly, as did most people. There is no use in hating. More importantly than that, when making policies in Washington, our law makers need to consult people at the local level about what would be best. There are people out there every day who are working with the average American families that make up most of our population. Why not consult some of these people about what is needed? They'd probably have a lot more common sense solutions, that would probably even cost a lot less than what these politicians keep coming up with. I think the disconnect between the governing class and the governed class will always exist. I think it's important to acknowledge this, and to react accordingly.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not hating on the rich. I just think that people inherently don't understand lifestyles they've never lived. They can try, sure, and that's commendable, but they will never truly understand. Even Michelle Obama, who tries harder than most people I've ever seen in high profile positions, to understand what the average American's life is like, has made comments that show that she clearly doesn't understand. Remember the second economic stimulus package thing from a few years ago? When asked if there would be more checks going out, she said that she supported her husband's choice to just reduce income tax for a certain group for that month, rather than sending out checks, and made reference to a few hundred bucks maybe buying someone a new bracelet, but not making a big difference in general. A woman who makes a comment like that has never had to wonder how she could stretch the last bag of dried beans in her pantry to feed her family of five for two days. To the person who does that, a few hundred bucks makes a huge difference. Anyhow, that's ancient history. It just goes to show that this disconnect exists on both sides of the political aisle, and among even the most well intentioned of people.
Someone mentioned at one point in the debates surrounding this, that once a person reaches a certain level of wealth, they literally cannot truly imagine what it's like to live poor. I think that's absolutely true. I don't think it even takes much wealth. When you factor in the cash value of benefits, Thak's entire compensation from the Army amounted to well over $100k a year. Not all of that was cash, of course, but there were a lot of things that we got for free that most people have to pay for (excellent health insurance comes to mind). We weren't the 1% by any means, but we were far better off than the average American. Then he decided he didn't want to do that anymore, and he walked away from it. Then he worked at a job that's very typical for what a lot of Americans do, and made so little money that we almost lost everything.
I had NO idea those things could happen. I had never honestly given it much thought what I would do if I couldn't afford the copay to take my kids to the doctor, so even though we were insured (minus the five days that we weren't, between our transitional Tricare coverage ending, and Thak starting his current job) our primary health policy was "Don't you DARE get sick". It had never occurred to me before that a biweekly trip to the grocery store to fill up my pantry and fridge would be out of reach, and that we would have to eat crappy food that compromised our immune systems, just so we didn't go hungry. I can also honestly say that I had never given any consideration to the fact that driving my kid 18 miles to school each day would be a financial hardship. I put her in the best school, and thought nothing else of it. I never imagined what it would be like to get our electricity turned off... until that happened, too. It had never occurred to me what I would do if I had no phones and no internet (minus the unsecured WiFi that we were able to pick up from time to time), but that was my life for a month. I had honestly never thought that I would see a day when I couldn't drive to my friend's house 5 miles away because if I used that gas, it would mean I couldn't take my kid to school the next day. Being that poor is very isolating.
I think, of all these things, the thing that surprised me the most, is how people treat you when you're going through hard times like those. They always assume you're stupid, that you blew all your money in an irresponsible way. I can't even tell you how many times some friend was like, "You need to talk some sense into that husband of yours and make him pay the bills!" Um, yes, he's trying. He was at the shop 6 days a week, working longer hours than he did in the Army, and bringing home $700 every two weeks (and that's an optimistic figure), plus $400 every Reserve drill. The house alone costs $1100, the cars another $800, the utilities roughly $400, and then food and gas at least another $500, it doesn't take a genius to see that even if you don't indulge in the occasional Coke or Hershey bar, these numbers aren't going to add up to anything good. I'm not going to say that we're not responsible for our situation, because we are. Thak made a choice that put us in that position, and he made it freely. We didn't get there by being stupid, though. People who have never been in that position so often assume that if you're struggling that hard, it's because you blew your paycheck on a new flat screen TV and rims for the Escalade (no, I don't have an Escalade).
See? The disconnect exists even when you're clearly middle class, not even rich. I could not fathom what life was going to be like when Thak was making so little money. He'd always brought home enough, and even when he did blow money on something stupid (if you ever want to see me totally panic, just say the words, "Babe, I had to spend a little money.") we were always able to recover from it pretty painlessly, just because there was enough coming in that it was possible to do that. I honestly did not think the things that happened, could ever happen to me. I took for granted that cooking from scratch and avoiding convenience foods, was sufficient to compensate the grocery budget enough to buy exclusively organic and grass fed meats, until I had to learn to feed a family of five on less than $100 a month, and learned that meat, fresh fruits, and coffee, were luxuries we would have to do without.
Now, we're living basically right at the middle for today's economy. Thak brings in $7k a year more than the average American worker, but still substantially less than he made in the Army. We have to pay for our benefits now, but that's not all bad. We have an HSA, so even if all the money's gone until next payday, if someone gets sick, we can take them to the doctor and be able to afford the copay. We are back to eating good foods. We haven't had any utilities cut off in months. We're doing fine. Money is tight, but we're fine. Even so, it's a far cry from where we were. I didn't know that I would ever have to fit a family of five into a two bedroom apartment, or that we would not be able to afford a 3 BR/2 BA house (What we used to consider our minimum!) in Hinesville, GA.
If this kind of disconnect in understanding exists even from the middle class, how the hell can we even remotely expect the rich to understand the average American. I had absolutely no idea what Average America was going through all these years. I was the wife of a soldier of, well... above average rank. Our life was what we knew. Their lives are what they know. Until you have your foundation not just rocked, but ripped right out from under you, and are forced to not only SEE how the other half lives, but actually live that way for a while, then I really don't think there will be full understanding.
Now, with that in mind, what should people do? Well, first of all, stop expecting people like Ann Romney and Michelle Obama to understand what you're going through. They don't, and you don't understand their lives either. It is what it is. They came by their lots in life rightly, as did most people. There is no use in hating. More importantly than that, when making policies in Washington, our law makers need to consult people at the local level about what would be best. There are people out there every day who are working with the average American families that make up most of our population. Why not consult some of these people about what is needed? They'd probably have a lot more common sense solutions, that would probably even cost a lot less than what these politicians keep coming up with. I think the disconnect between the governing class and the governed class will always exist. I think it's important to acknowledge this, and to react accordingly.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Dance
Here are some pics I never got around to posting, of my bellydance troupe from back in El Paso.
More pics
Here are Erin and Orren at the Canoochee River. It's a few miles from where we live, so not far. Thak and I found this place with the boys when we went for a drive last week, but then I took the kids down there again yesterday while Thak was at work. It's really pretty. There's a boat ramp, but this is the area about maybe 50 yards from there. It's pretty undisturbed for the most part, with lots of river snails and fish. Erin and Orren just loved it. (Chai was sleeping, or he would have loved it, too, I'm sure.)
This is where we live.
Here are a few pics of our new apartment. First, the front.
Then, when you step inside. You can see the dining room, the kitchen, and the living room here, and the back door goes out to our yard.
And that's our yard.
Then, when you step inside. You can see the dining room, the kitchen, and the living room here, and the back door goes out to our yard.
And that's our yard.
Pics
This is the kids' room. First off, we have the dresser area. Erin has the 4 drawers in the stairs of the bunk beds. Orren and Chai each have 3 drawers in the dresser. The up side to this is that when I go to put their clothes away, all three are right there in the same location, so it's one stop.
These are Erin and Orren's beds.
This is the book shelf by the window (We're basically standing in the center of the room and turning counterclockwise, if you can't tell.)
And this shelf is by the door.
These are Erin and Orren's beds.
This is the book shelf by the window (We're basically standing in the center of the room and turning counterclockwise, if you can't tell.)
And this shelf is by the door.
All those people, and that small space
I'm not the only one going through what I am. In fact, I have a friend whose husband was just assigned to a very interesting command which is located in Miami. This is every single troop's dream assignment, but for someone with a wife and four kids, it's harder to manage due to the cost of living compared to where they're stationed now, North Carolina, where houses are big and cheap, like most places that aren't Miami. This friend has just signed the lease on a 2 BR/2 BA condo. Is this starting to sound a little familiar?
Anyhow, just like me, she's annoyed with people questioning her as to whether 2 BR's will be enough since they have 4 kids (lucky for them, all girls. Since some of them are older, like middle school age, it's easier for room sharing if they are all the same gender.) The thing is, whether it's enough or not, it's what they can afford, just like it's what we can afford since we still have a lot of remnants of our old life, which continue to cost money for now (Two car payments, I'm looking at you). It is enough, because it has to be. It'll work because it has to. Plain and simple.
Everyone wonders HOW it works. I did, too. Trust me, until we spent a week holed up in a 1 BR place in Savannah (with a few nights in regular hotel rooms thrown in there nightmarishly, and yes I know that's not a word) I had no idea how I'd function with less than 3 bedrooms. I have three kids, ranging in age from almost 9 years, to 10 months. Sure, having the boys share a room is a no brainer, but Erin sharing with Orren is not considered universally ok, even though that's exactly what they did in TX, by choice. Then when we moved, and we stayed in the 1 BR corporate apartment in Savannah, we learned how to pack our big family into a small space, and it occurred to me that people all over the world do that exact thing every single day, and think absolutely nothing of it. After that, a 2 BR apartment for 5 people really isn't that tall an order. The stuff we have is a totally different story. My patio is still a complete disaster. We're just talking about the people right now, though, not our lack of a garage. That's a story for another day.
The one thing I have to say is that living in small spaces with a lot of people is diametrically different from the average American lifestyle of our generation. Our culture has created people who like personal space and lots of it. Living like this, that goes away completely, though. There's no slamming the door in your brother's face and locking him out of your room, because your room is his room, too, and it's also the baby's, because his toys are in there, and he plays there a lot, so if you have anything that's a choking hazard (as all 8-year-old girls do... beads, rhinestone stickers, Barbie shoes...) then it needs to stay off the floor. This space isn't just yours, and you have to consider everyone else. Personal space becomes small. A top bunk, some dresser drawers... it'll suffice, though. Surely, there are people who do fine with less.
In this kind of spaces, you have to get creative with furniture, too. We knew we were going to have to have bunk beds in order for the kids' room to work. We ended up getting a set with drawers in the stairs, and were able to eliminate a dresser that way. Do you have any idea how much space it opens up when you only have to fit one dresser and a bunk bed in there? It's like there's only one kid, but really, you've got 3 kids' worth of stuff, and 2 kids who actually sleep in there. Believe it or not, there's a ton of space left over after all this. That's good, because these kids have a lot of toys. Two houses ago, they had a play room in addition to their bedrooms. Let's just say our collection of toys reflects this. We are able to fit them all, neatly, into the kids' bedroom, on shelves and in the closet, due to space conserved through the use of bunk beds and keeping it to only one dresser.
As for our room, it's cramped. We had planned on getting a bigger bed since we always end up with at least one of the boys sleeping with us, many times both of them, and our bed is a Full. We wanted to get at least a Queen, preferably a King, but in our room, with our bed, two nightstands, our large dresser, Chai's crib, and our rocking chair, nothing else would fit. We literally have wall to wall furniture in our bedroom, so we make do with what we have for now. Yes, it means that a lot of times, we wake up with Chai's feet in our eyes, and that Orren literally sleeps ON Thak when he decides to join us. Sometimes it means I sleep at the foot of the bed because Chai likes to sleep starfish style, and he takes up my whole side like that. We make it work, though. We haven't died of exhaustion yet.
Honestly, everyone wonders about the sleeping arrangements, but I find the lack of linen closet and laundry room, and the tiny kitchen, far more challenging. (We do have washer/dryer hook-ups, but they're just in a closet in the hallway, so most of what I usually put in my laundry room had to be relocated.)
Oooooh! Let's talk about that for a minute! After having had a pretty good yield (by which I mean an epic haul) on my wedding gift registry, and then being an NCO wife for seven years and going to all those in-home parties, basket bingos, and charity auctions, I have a ton of kitchen stuff. Tons of it. My kitchen now, though, is as small as the one in my old on-post place at Ft. Stewart, and if you ever saw that, you know, it was ridiculously small, like the kitchen in the apartment I lived in when I was a freshman in college kind of small, ok? So that's what I have now, after years of really nice big kitchens, with separate pantries, and tons of cabinet space, and storage for the appliances I rarely use, but just don't want to get rid of (fondue pot and juicer, I'm looking at you). So here, I've got to shove the proverbial 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound sack. So what did I do? OK, first off, I used this as my final bargaining chip to convince Thak to let me get rid of the microwave. I never use it, and I've been wanting to just get rid of it for years now, because it just takes up a ton of counter space that I could use for something else. He didn't like the idea, but now, seeing how little kitchen space I have, he finally saw it my way, and the microwave is gone. This freed up a ton of counter space. Now, if I can only convince him that we only need one coffee maker. As for all my pots, pans, baking accessories, and obscure gadgets, they've all found homes in drawers, cabinets, and the top shelf of the tiny pantry. I've had to use literally every inch of cabinet space available, and I dread the day that I need to unearth my muffin pan, but after getting rid of some unused appliances, especially one enormous microwave, it's feasible to fit all this stuff, in that tiny space.
Going without a linen closet and laundry room is harder. What I did was take my craft shelves (because hey, I don't have a craft closet anymore either) and set one up in the kids' bathroom for all the kids' linens, and one in our bedroom for all of our linens. Blankets had to be shoved in the tops of closets, even though they hardly fit along with everything else that had to be shoved into the tops of closets, but we made it work (so far. I still have one more box of blankets.) The flats I use for cleaning found a new home in the kitchen. The cats' litter box is in the kids' bathroom, which is good, because that's more incentive for Thak to actually scoop it once in a while. Rooms are packed pretty tight, but as long as it's neat and organized, it'll work fine.
I think that's the key more than anything else. These kids have to learn to keep this place neat and organized, because it'll become a complete disaster in about half a second if one person decides to just make a giant mess and leave it. In a way, that's a good thing, because I've been trying for years to impart that lesson. With so little space, they have to learn it.
Now, to be sure, there's still a disaster on my patio, including an extra refrigerator that needs to get on craigslist, and there's a stack of toughboxes in my dining room that's probably not going anywhere, but it'll work. To be honest, aside from the garage stuff debacle, I'm surprised by how well we have managed to fit our big family into this little apartment, and how not bad it really is most of the time.
So, for my friend about to move to Miami, yes, 2 BR's are enough. You're gonna be fine. Just, try to talk the husband into disappearing as much of the garage stuff as possible BEFORE you move. Everything else is a lot less scary than it seems. I promise.
Anyhow, just like me, she's annoyed with people questioning her as to whether 2 BR's will be enough since they have 4 kids (lucky for them, all girls. Since some of them are older, like middle school age, it's easier for room sharing if they are all the same gender.) The thing is, whether it's enough or not, it's what they can afford, just like it's what we can afford since we still have a lot of remnants of our old life, which continue to cost money for now (Two car payments, I'm looking at you). It is enough, because it has to be. It'll work because it has to. Plain and simple.
Everyone wonders HOW it works. I did, too. Trust me, until we spent a week holed up in a 1 BR place in Savannah (with a few nights in regular hotel rooms thrown in there nightmarishly, and yes I know that's not a word) I had no idea how I'd function with less than 3 bedrooms. I have three kids, ranging in age from almost 9 years, to 10 months. Sure, having the boys share a room is a no brainer, but Erin sharing with Orren is not considered universally ok, even though that's exactly what they did in TX, by choice. Then when we moved, and we stayed in the 1 BR corporate apartment in Savannah, we learned how to pack our big family into a small space, and it occurred to me that people all over the world do that exact thing every single day, and think absolutely nothing of it. After that, a 2 BR apartment for 5 people really isn't that tall an order. The stuff we have is a totally different story. My patio is still a complete disaster. We're just talking about the people right now, though, not our lack of a garage. That's a story for another day.
The one thing I have to say is that living in small spaces with a lot of people is diametrically different from the average American lifestyle of our generation. Our culture has created people who like personal space and lots of it. Living like this, that goes away completely, though. There's no slamming the door in your brother's face and locking him out of your room, because your room is his room, too, and it's also the baby's, because his toys are in there, and he plays there a lot, so if you have anything that's a choking hazard (as all 8-year-old girls do... beads, rhinestone stickers, Barbie shoes...) then it needs to stay off the floor. This space isn't just yours, and you have to consider everyone else. Personal space becomes small. A top bunk, some dresser drawers... it'll suffice, though. Surely, there are people who do fine with less.
In this kind of spaces, you have to get creative with furniture, too. We knew we were going to have to have bunk beds in order for the kids' room to work. We ended up getting a set with drawers in the stairs, and were able to eliminate a dresser that way. Do you have any idea how much space it opens up when you only have to fit one dresser and a bunk bed in there? It's like there's only one kid, but really, you've got 3 kids' worth of stuff, and 2 kids who actually sleep in there. Believe it or not, there's a ton of space left over after all this. That's good, because these kids have a lot of toys. Two houses ago, they had a play room in addition to their bedrooms. Let's just say our collection of toys reflects this. We are able to fit them all, neatly, into the kids' bedroom, on shelves and in the closet, due to space conserved through the use of bunk beds and keeping it to only one dresser.
As for our room, it's cramped. We had planned on getting a bigger bed since we always end up with at least one of the boys sleeping with us, many times both of them, and our bed is a Full. We wanted to get at least a Queen, preferably a King, but in our room, with our bed, two nightstands, our large dresser, Chai's crib, and our rocking chair, nothing else would fit. We literally have wall to wall furniture in our bedroom, so we make do with what we have for now. Yes, it means that a lot of times, we wake up with Chai's feet in our eyes, and that Orren literally sleeps ON Thak when he decides to join us. Sometimes it means I sleep at the foot of the bed because Chai likes to sleep starfish style, and he takes up my whole side like that. We make it work, though. We haven't died of exhaustion yet.
Honestly, everyone wonders about the sleeping arrangements, but I find the lack of linen closet and laundry room, and the tiny kitchen, far more challenging. (We do have washer/dryer hook-ups, but they're just in a closet in the hallway, so most of what I usually put in my laundry room had to be relocated.)
Oooooh! Let's talk about that for a minute! After having had a pretty good yield (by which I mean an epic haul) on my wedding gift registry, and then being an NCO wife for seven years and going to all those in-home parties, basket bingos, and charity auctions, I have a ton of kitchen stuff. Tons of it. My kitchen now, though, is as small as the one in my old on-post place at Ft. Stewart, and if you ever saw that, you know, it was ridiculously small, like the kitchen in the apartment I lived in when I was a freshman in college kind of small, ok? So that's what I have now, after years of really nice big kitchens, with separate pantries, and tons of cabinet space, and storage for the appliances I rarely use, but just don't want to get rid of (fondue pot and juicer, I'm looking at you). So here, I've got to shove the proverbial 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound sack. So what did I do? OK, first off, I used this as my final bargaining chip to convince Thak to let me get rid of the microwave. I never use it, and I've been wanting to just get rid of it for years now, because it just takes up a ton of counter space that I could use for something else. He didn't like the idea, but now, seeing how little kitchen space I have, he finally saw it my way, and the microwave is gone. This freed up a ton of counter space. Now, if I can only convince him that we only need one coffee maker. As for all my pots, pans, baking accessories, and obscure gadgets, they've all found homes in drawers, cabinets, and the top shelf of the tiny pantry. I've had to use literally every inch of cabinet space available, and I dread the day that I need to unearth my muffin pan, but after getting rid of some unused appliances, especially one enormous microwave, it's feasible to fit all this stuff, in that tiny space.
Going without a linen closet and laundry room is harder. What I did was take my craft shelves (because hey, I don't have a craft closet anymore either) and set one up in the kids' bathroom for all the kids' linens, and one in our bedroom for all of our linens. Blankets had to be shoved in the tops of closets, even though they hardly fit along with everything else that had to be shoved into the tops of closets, but we made it work (so far. I still have one more box of blankets.) The flats I use for cleaning found a new home in the kitchen. The cats' litter box is in the kids' bathroom, which is good, because that's more incentive for Thak to actually scoop it once in a while. Rooms are packed pretty tight, but as long as it's neat and organized, it'll work fine.
I think that's the key more than anything else. These kids have to learn to keep this place neat and organized, because it'll become a complete disaster in about half a second if one person decides to just make a giant mess and leave it. In a way, that's a good thing, because I've been trying for years to impart that lesson. With so little space, they have to learn it.
Now, to be sure, there's still a disaster on my patio, including an extra refrigerator that needs to get on craigslist, and there's a stack of toughboxes in my dining room that's probably not going anywhere, but it'll work. To be honest, aside from the garage stuff debacle, I'm surprised by how well we have managed to fit our big family into this little apartment, and how not bad it really is most of the time.
So, for my friend about to move to Miami, yes, 2 BR's are enough. You're gonna be fine. Just, try to talk the husband into disappearing as much of the garage stuff as possible BEFORE you move. Everything else is a lot less scary than it seems. I promise.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
That isn't helping.
Dear friends,
I know you think you're really funny (and most of you actually are sometimes), and I think it's pretty obvious that since most of you are military and have no idea what to say to me, having pretty much lost everything I was lead to believe I could count on for the past 8 years of my life. However, comments like the following are not helping.
"Sell it all and make some money!" Really? How about you put the last 8 years of your life on eBay and are how much you like it. No? Didn't think so. Not to mention, we're not talking about worthless crap that we just need to get over it and haul to goodwill. There was a life here, a good one, and selling all remnants of it for pennies on the dollar is not something we want to do.
"Have a giant bonfire! I'll bring weed!" While I appreciate the offer of herbal refreshment, however facetious, this is pretty much the same as above. Why don't you burn the last 8 years of your life and see how much you like it.
"Rent a storage unit!" Thank you, Captain Obvious. The reason we haven't done this yet is because it pretty much defeats the purpose. For what we would pay, plus our rent here, we could have gotten a place that was actually big enough for us. That's just depressing.
"Put it at your parents' house!!" Who are you people related to who has just tons of open space you can shove ten tons of stuff in? Seriously, when would it ever be that simple. Not to mention, it'll be lovely about the time Thak needs to fix something that requires some specialty tool that's four hours away in Florida.
In the end, we do have to figure out what to do with all our stuff, and it'll probably be a combination of things. Trust me when I say, anything you are about to suggest to me, I've thought of it, so just don't. I get that people don't know what to say. How about, "That's really hard." or "You'll figure something out before long." or something like that. Anyone who has known me for more than five minutes knows that I hate unsolicited advice, yet every time I open my mouth lately, that's all I get. I don't appreciate it, and that's why I have really kept quiet about most of the hard times I have been through over the past year. Unless you had a really good life that you completely lost basically over night due to somebody else's choice, you have NO idea what this past year has been like for me, so the flood of shitty advice really needs to stop.
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