Why do we care? Why does anybody care?

So I have this friend from back in Texas. She's expecting her first baby, and is really impressionable. She's not one who's had it set in her mind how she'll do this, and was very open to suggestion until lately. Unfortunately, it seems like she's fallen in with a really mainstream crowd, despite the best efforts of those of us who tried to make a difference and prevent that kind of thing from happening. Today, she made some comment, the basic gist of which was, "Why do some people care what others do with their kids? Nobody knows best."

First of all, I beg to differ. There are definitely certain practices which are evidence based, and others which are not. For example, formula feeding is nutritionally inferior to breastfeeding. Putting a 1-year-old in a forward-facing carseat is more dangerous than putting them in a rear-facing carseat. Evidence supports this. Similarly, if you are very capable of critical thought, and understand what sources carry what bias, you can actually find the truth about such complex issues as vaccines and circumcision. Actually, when it comes to circumcision, taking a gander at the British Journal of Medicine will do the trick. Vaccines are more complex than that. Hence, they're my Achilles heel as a parent. (Yes, even Anna admits she has an Achilles heel. I don't think I'm perfect, contrary to popular belief. Intelligent and analytical? Damned right. Perfect? Never.) But I digress. The point is, some people do know better than others, and it comes down to what research they have done.

I also wonder how these individuals think best practice has evolved over the course of years. You know, we're not using leeches for medical treatment anymore, and women no longer birth in twilight sleep. Obviously, there has been progress, and the reason progress happens is because people demand it. Somewhere, some woman said, "Hey, I don't think I want to give birth asleep and tied to a bed." and demanded better. Then a bunch of others realized she had the right idea, and one by one, change happened.

We are in the midst of a cultural shift when it comes to many parenting issues. Circumcision is the one that really comes to mind. A generation ago, it was almost unheard of to opt out of this custom, which was popularized a century or so ago by one Dr. Kellogg (yes, the cereal guy), as a cure for masturbation, which, as we know, is a plague upon the world. This custom went on virtually unchecked until recent years, when American parents started to ask why they were cutting their baby boys, when we don't cut baby girls. Whereas a generation ago, it was only immigrant parents who were in the know about circumcision being unnecessary, because it's never been popular in most countries, today, that's changing. Circumcision rates for newborns in most states are falling below 50%. Change is happening. People are catching on that this isn't an evidence based practice in the least. It's not cleaner, or easier to care for, or inevitable (he won't have to have it done later). Probably the only reason this custom pervades even today is that misinformation is rampant. People know that it's what's always been done in their families. They want their sons to look like them (That's insane if you think about it. Of course your son won't look like you. You're an adult and he's a kid.), they've heard the outdated reasons that it was done in the past... You name it, misinformation is what keeps this thing going. To raise awareness of the truth of the matter (a truth that all of Europe and most of Asia has always known) should not be perceived as wrong or bad, or people sticking their noses where they don't belong.

Vaccines are another huge issue. Yes, a generation ago, our parents could take us to the doctor, and trust that the doctor would not give us so many vaccines it would throw our bodies into total toxic overload, creating worse problems than the diseases the vaccines are supposed to protect against. Today's parents cannot say the same. The recommended vaccine schedule for our kids contains three times as many vaccines as it did for us when we were their age. At the same time, so many health conditions are on the rise. Coincidence? Well, what do you think? The point is, just taking the doctor's word for it is a really bad idea, and that's all that vaccine awareness advocates are trying to say. I also find that there's a lot of fear mongering surrounding this issue, and a great lack of understanding about how vaccines actually work. It isn't that we think you're stupid. It's that being uninformed or misinformed on this issue could have serious health consequences, and if when you're done being mad at us, you decide to do actual research on it, then it was worth it.

Now, to answer the question of why we care, it's really quite simple. I care because I used to be uninformed, misinformed, and just as ignorant on these issues as anyone else. Today, I am well informed, and up to date on the most current research. So what got me from there to here? Well, a lot of reading mostly. The catalyst to me doing that reading, was that some people weren't afraid to speak up, and question what I knew about these subjects. Maybe it is my science background, but when I make a decision, I'm definitely prepared to answer for why I made it. It doesn't offend me in the least if someone asks me why I did or did not do something. In fact, that's what made me change my ways on vaccinations. Someone asked me why I fully vaccinated Erin. I thought for a minute and realized I had no idea why I did that. That tipped off years of research into vaccines, because I need to understand why I'm doing something, if I'm going to do it. I wouldn't have researched vaccines if nobody had asked me why I allowed Erin to be fully vaccinated. The reason those of us who question you, care to do that, is because somebody questioned us once, and it changed our lives.

The other thing is, the alternative parenting community is full of people who have regrets over something they did before they learned to question. Some have circumcised their sons before knowing it isn't necessary. Others have vaccinated a child who ended up getting vaccine injured, before they knew what they know now about vaccinations. Some didn't breastfeed for long, or quit breastfeeding due to things that were preventable, or maybe didn't even try at all, before they knew how important it was, or how they could succeed. The community is full of these people, and we don't want to see anyone else go through that. It's not pleasant to know that the thing you thought you were doing for the good of your child actually harmed them. We're just trying to get you to think, so that you don't inadvertently harm your kid and then regret it like so many other people.

Nobody was ever harmed by being aware, but plenty are harmed by being defensive. When you are able to see that people aren't judging you just because they want to inform you, then you will be able to see these things for what they are.