Ah yes... The good old election year fun...

Democratic pundit Hillary Rosen is receiving major backlash for her comments about Ann Romney, wife of Mitt Romney, being out of touch with reality as most women in this country know it. Now, while some of her wording was understandably inflammatory to some people, I see her point. I also think her point goes way farther than just Ann Romney, and extends to the entire political elite, and even the upper class in general.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not hating on the rich. I just think that people inherently don't understand lifestyles they've never lived. They can try, sure, and that's commendable, but they will never truly understand. Even Michelle Obama, who tries harder than most people I've ever seen in high profile positions, to understand what the average American's life is like, has made comments that show that she clearly doesn't understand. Remember the second economic stimulus package thing from a few years ago? When asked if there would be more checks going out, she said that she supported her husband's choice to just reduce income tax for a certain group for that month, rather than sending out checks, and made reference to a few hundred bucks maybe buying someone a new bracelet, but not making a big difference in general. A woman who makes a comment like that has never had to wonder how she could stretch the last bag of dried beans in her pantry to feed her family of five for two days. To the person who does that, a few hundred bucks makes a huge difference. Anyhow, that's ancient history. It just goes to show that this disconnect exists on both sides of the political aisle, and among even the most well intentioned of people.

Someone mentioned at one point in the debates surrounding this, that once a person reaches a certain level of wealth, they literally cannot truly imagine what it's like to live poor. I think that's absolutely true. I don't think it even takes much wealth. When you factor in the cash value of benefits, Thak's entire compensation from the Army amounted to well over $100k a year. Not all of that was cash, of course, but there were a lot of things that we got for free that most people have to pay for (excellent health insurance comes to mind). We weren't the 1% by any means, but we were far better off than the average American. Then he decided he didn't want to do that anymore, and he walked away from it. Then he worked at a job that's very typical for what a lot of Americans do, and made so little money that we almost lost everything.

I had NO idea those things could happen. I had never honestly given it much thought what I would do if I couldn't afford the copay to take my kids to the doctor, so even though we were insured (minus the five days that we weren't, between our transitional Tricare coverage ending, and Thak starting his current job) our primary health policy was "Don't you DARE get sick". It had never occurred to me before that a biweekly trip to the grocery store to fill up my pantry and fridge would be out of reach, and that we would have to eat crappy food that compromised our immune systems, just so we didn't go hungry. I can also honestly say that I had never given any consideration to the fact that driving my kid 18 miles to school each day would be a financial hardship. I put her in the best school, and thought nothing else of it. I never imagined what it would be like to get our electricity turned off... until that happened, too. It had never occurred to me what I would do if I had no phones and no internet (minus the unsecured WiFi that we were able to pick up from time to time), but that was my life for a month. I had honestly never thought that I would see a day when I couldn't drive to my friend's house 5 miles away because if I used that gas, it would mean I couldn't take my kid to school the next day. Being that poor is very isolating.

I think, of all these things, the thing that surprised me the most, is how people treat you when you're going through hard times like those. They always assume you're stupid, that you blew all your money in an irresponsible way. I can't even tell you how many times some friend was like, "You need to talk some sense into that husband of yours and make him pay the bills!" Um, yes, he's trying. He was at the shop 6 days a week, working longer hours than he did in the Army, and bringing home $700 every two weeks (and that's an optimistic figure), plus $400 every Reserve drill. The house alone costs $1100, the cars another $800, the utilities roughly $400, and then food and gas at least another $500, it doesn't take a genius to see that even if you don't indulge in the occasional Coke or Hershey bar, these numbers aren't going to add up to anything good. I'm not going to say that we're not responsible for our situation, because we are. Thak made a choice that put us in that position, and he made it freely. We didn't get there by being stupid, though. People who have never been in that position so often assume that if you're struggling that hard, it's because you blew your paycheck on a new flat screen TV and rims for the Escalade (no, I don't have an Escalade).

See? The disconnect exists even when you're clearly middle class, not even rich. I could not fathom what life was going to be like when Thak was making so little money. He'd always brought home enough, and even when he did blow money on something stupid (if you ever want to see me totally panic, just say the words, "Babe, I had to spend a little money.") we were always able to recover from it pretty painlessly, just because there was enough coming in that it was possible to do that. I honestly did not think the things that happened, could ever happen to me. I took for granted that cooking from scratch and avoiding convenience foods, was sufficient to compensate the grocery budget enough to buy exclusively organic and grass fed meats, until I had to learn to feed a family of five on less than $100 a month, and learned that meat, fresh fruits, and coffee, were luxuries we would have to do without.

Now, we're living basically right at the middle for today's economy. Thak brings in $7k a year more than the average American worker, but still substantially less than he made in the Army. We have to pay for our benefits now, but that's not all bad. We have an HSA, so even if all the money's gone until next payday, if someone gets sick, we can take them to the doctor and be able to afford the copay. We are back to eating good foods. We haven't had any utilities cut off in months. We're doing fine. Money is tight, but we're fine. Even so, it's a far cry from where we were. I didn't know that I would ever have to fit a family of five into a two bedroom apartment, or that we would not be able to afford a 3 BR/2 BA house (What we used to consider our minimum!) in Hinesville, GA.

If this kind of disconnect in understanding exists even from the middle class, how the hell can we even remotely expect the rich to understand the average American. I had absolutely no idea what Average America was going through all these years. I was the wife of a soldier of, well... above average rank. Our life was what we knew. Their lives are what they know. Until you have your foundation not just rocked, but ripped right out from under you, and are forced to not only SEE how the other half lives, but actually live that way for a while, then I really don't think there will be full understanding.

Now, with that in mind, what should people do? Well, first of all, stop expecting people like Ann Romney and Michelle Obama to understand what you're going through. They don't, and you don't understand their lives either. It is what it is. They came by their lots in life rightly, as did most people. There is no use in hating. More importantly than that, when making policies in Washington, our law makers need to consult people at the local level about what would be best. There are people out there every day who are working with the average American families that make up most of our population. Why not consult some of these people about what is needed? They'd probably have a lot more common sense solutions, that would probably even cost a lot less than what these politicians keep coming up with. I think the disconnect between the governing class and the governed class will always exist. I think it's important to acknowledge this, and to react accordingly.