Saturday, December 31, 2011
5-step test... passed.
Holy crap, I can't believe it! Erin passed the 5-step test in Thak's truck. What is the 5-step test, you may wonder?
Click here
Basically, it's a really easy way to figure out if your kid is ready to ride without a booster or not. Boosters are meant to help the seatbelt fit correctly on a kid who is too short to have it fit right on its own. This test establishes 5 basic criteria for being able to go without a booster. Yesterday, Erin passed this test in Thak's truck. She still has a ways to go before she passes it in my car, which is what we drive more than 90% of the time, but it is still a big step that she is now without booster in the truck.
Texas state law states that kids have to ride in a booster until they are 8 years old, or 4'9", whichever is sooner. Erin, as we know, turned 8 this past summer. One of the things we contended with when that happened was that everyone was telling her she didn't have to use a booster anymore, because it's some big celebration to most people. Yay! No more booster! My kid is 8! As if they magically pass the 5-step test and can ride safely without a booster just because it's their 8th birthday. So we had to be the ones telling Erin that no, she would not get rid of her boosters just because she turned 8, that she had to wait until she was big enough to ride safely without them. This is where carseat safety and society collide, the kid who's old enough to know that none of their friends use a carseat, and that they still do.
It's weird to see the backseat of the truck with just the two seats for the boys back there. Erin's black booster is now stored away for Orren to use in a few years. I have a feeling the red one will follow within the next 18 months. Wow.
Click here
Basically, it's a really easy way to figure out if your kid is ready to ride without a booster or not. Boosters are meant to help the seatbelt fit correctly on a kid who is too short to have it fit right on its own. This test establishes 5 basic criteria for being able to go without a booster. Yesterday, Erin passed this test in Thak's truck. She still has a ways to go before she passes it in my car, which is what we drive more than 90% of the time, but it is still a big step that she is now without booster in the truck.
Texas state law states that kids have to ride in a booster until they are 8 years old, or 4'9", whichever is sooner. Erin, as we know, turned 8 this past summer. One of the things we contended with when that happened was that everyone was telling her she didn't have to use a booster anymore, because it's some big celebration to most people. Yay! No more booster! My kid is 8! As if they magically pass the 5-step test and can ride safely without a booster just because it's their 8th birthday. So we had to be the ones telling Erin that no, she would not get rid of her boosters just because she turned 8, that she had to wait until she was big enough to ride safely without them. This is where carseat safety and society collide, the kid who's old enough to know that none of their friends use a carseat, and that they still do.
It's weird to see the backseat of the truck with just the two seats for the boys back there. Erin's black booster is now stored away for Orren to use in a few years. I have a feeling the red one will follow within the next 18 months. Wow.
Friday, December 30, 2011
This is why I will vote for Ron Paul... again.
He is saying what I have been saying since the beginning.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Nurse-In
Recently, a mom in Houston was harassed in a Target store for breastfeeding her baby. Target's corporate policy does support breastfeeding, but is horribly worded, so employees misunderstood it to mean that women must breastfeed in the fitting rooms. They also erroneously told this mom that she could be arrested for indecent exposure. Texas law forbids that, so these employees were just grossly misinformed.
In response to this, a series of nurse-ins took place at Target stores nationwide. Along with some friends, I helped organize the one here, and as you can see from the photo below, we had a great turn-out.
When this very photo hit Facebook, there were a few comments that showed exactly why we are doing this. Check these gems out:
"lol....right next to the front door? whats the point of this? Does Target not allow nursing? you could always nurse in the car. Thats what I did"
"The story said she didnt cover up. i dont mind women breastfeeding where ever but be respectful and cover up. and if a store dont allow it then they dont allow it so go to the car.. and to answer ur question of (do you like eating in a car?) well do you go and suck on someones tit to eat? honestly if i had the option even if a store allowed breastfeeding i'd still pick the privacy of my own car."
First off, the woman in Houston was using a nursing cover, but that is not the point. The point is that these people think it is ok to relegate breastfeeding to the car, or demand that it be covered up by a blanket. I have never used a nursing cover, and I do not want to. This is also the case for most of the other nursing moms I know. The law backs me up on my right to do that, but more important than that, it bothers me that the US is the only society in the world that sees breastfeeding this way. Nowhere else in the world would these suggestions be made. For example, a friend who was stationed in Germany when her oldest was born, said that when she would sit down on a park bench to nurse him, people would come up and look in her wrap style baby carrier to see the baby, see that he was nursing, and not care a bit, just remark on how cute he was. Germans, like most people in the world, do not seem put off at all by breastfeeding. Yet somehow, here in the US, it is seen as perfectly acceptable to tell a mom to nurse in the car, or in the bathroom, or to cover up with a blanket even if it's a million degrees outside.
Our society's attitude toward breastfeeding is the reason I got involved with this nurse-in. I really have no beef with the Target corporation. I love shopping at Target, and won't be stopping that anytime soon. My presence there was because I believe that the only way people will see breastfeeding for what it is, the normal way to feed a human baby, is to see it regularly. When you see something all the time, you stop giving it any thought. That's what needs to happen with breastfeeding. People need to see it happening until they no longer notice it. I havev noticed among my own group of friends, the moms who did not breastfeed, or the women who do not have kids, do become very desensitized to breastfeeding the more they're around me and Chai. They see breastfeeding over and over again, and they realize it's normal. Society will be the same way, but it will take a lot of effort, and the willingness of all nursing moms to go ahead and nurse in public, however they want, greet the dirty looks with a smile, the snide comments with a reminder that the law protects your right to feed your baby this way. Change will happen. It won't be quick, and it won't be seamless, but it will happen here, as it has in other countries. Today, nursing moms from all over the country stood together, and made one confident step in the right direction.
The local news also came to see us at the location my friends and I were at. I'll post a link to the video when it comes up.
In response to this, a series of nurse-ins took place at Target stores nationwide. Along with some friends, I helped organize the one here, and as you can see from the photo below, we had a great turn-out.
When this very photo hit Facebook, there were a few comments that showed exactly why we are doing this. Check these gems out:
"lol....right next to the front door? whats the point of this? Does Target not allow nursing? you could always nurse in the car. Thats what I did"
"The story said she didnt cover up. i dont mind women breastfeeding where ever but be respectful and cover up. and if a store dont allow it then they dont allow it so go to the car.. and to answer ur question of (do you like eating in a car?) well do you go and suck on someones tit to eat? honestly if i had the option even if a store allowed breastfeeding i'd still pick the privacy of my own car."
First off, the woman in Houston was using a nursing cover, but that is not the point. The point is that these people think it is ok to relegate breastfeeding to the car, or demand that it be covered up by a blanket. I have never used a nursing cover, and I do not want to. This is also the case for most of the other nursing moms I know. The law backs me up on my right to do that, but more important than that, it bothers me that the US is the only society in the world that sees breastfeeding this way. Nowhere else in the world would these suggestions be made. For example, a friend who was stationed in Germany when her oldest was born, said that when she would sit down on a park bench to nurse him, people would come up and look in her wrap style baby carrier to see the baby, see that he was nursing, and not care a bit, just remark on how cute he was. Germans, like most people in the world, do not seem put off at all by breastfeeding. Yet somehow, here in the US, it is seen as perfectly acceptable to tell a mom to nurse in the car, or in the bathroom, or to cover up with a blanket even if it's a million degrees outside.
Our society's attitude toward breastfeeding is the reason I got involved with this nurse-in. I really have no beef with the Target corporation. I love shopping at Target, and won't be stopping that anytime soon. My presence there was because I believe that the only way people will see breastfeeding for what it is, the normal way to feed a human baby, is to see it regularly. When you see something all the time, you stop giving it any thought. That's what needs to happen with breastfeeding. People need to see it happening until they no longer notice it. I havev noticed among my own group of friends, the moms who did not breastfeed, or the women who do not have kids, do become very desensitized to breastfeeding the more they're around me and Chai. They see breastfeeding over and over again, and they realize it's normal. Society will be the same way, but it will take a lot of effort, and the willingness of all nursing moms to go ahead and nurse in public, however they want, greet the dirty looks with a smile, the snide comments with a reminder that the law protects your right to feed your baby this way. Change will happen. It won't be quick, and it won't be seamless, but it will happen here, as it has in other countries. Today, nursing moms from all over the country stood together, and made one confident step in the right direction.
The local news also came to see us at the location my friends and I were at. I'll post a link to the video when it comes up.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
What does a baby need?
Babies are expensive, right? I was asked today, "What does a baby need? What did you get the most use out of?" So basically, here are my must-haves:
A GOOD carrier.
By "good", I mean NOT the crap you buy at Walmart. Ergo, Beco, Boba, Babyhawk Mei Tai, Girasol woven wrap, Maya ring sling, even a Moby wrap for the first couple months... These are good carriers! Personally, I'm a Ergo girl. I love my Ergo so much I've pretty much given up strollers for it, and not a day goes by that I don't use it. Babywearing is so much more convenient than using a stroller since you don't have to look for ramps, don't have that cumbersome moment where you can't quite open the door to someplace and simultaneously maneuver the stroller through it, and there's no concern about if it will fit in the car. Babywearing is awesome. Why did it take me until my third child to figure this out? Because I didn't have a good carrier before this. When I got my Ergo, I began to love babywearing. Coincidence? I think not.
Two awesome boobs. I have fed formula in the past. It scared the crap out of me to do it, because formula is pretty bad stuff compared to the real thing. Only 3% of women in the world physically cannot breastfeed. Even if every person you know has failed at it, at least try. Come to a La Leche League meeting, too. We have such an awesome group here in El Paso.
Also under the topic of feeding, you need great nursing bras. I like Hot Milk nursing bras. They are so pretty, good quality, and fit nicely. They're expensive if you pay full price, but you can get them on sale for about $30 apiece, which isn't bad for what they are.
I also have found my breastpump to be worth its weight in gold, and then some. I have a Medela Pump In Style. Yes, it is worth every penny. When you consider that organic GMO-free baby formula costs upward of $200 a month (trust me on this one), a $300 breastpump seems downright reasonable.
Obviously every baby needs a good carseat. Sure, you can buy an infant seat, which they'll outgrow in a few months, and then you'll have to buy a convertible seat after that. Plus, if you babywear, you won't even use the infant seat as part of a travel system. For my buck, a good convertible carseat is where it's at. I like the Sunshine Kids Radian XTSL, or the Diono Radian RXT. Again, this is another $300 purchase if you can't find one on sale. It is worth it, though. This is one of the few convertible carseats on the US market that actually fits from birth. Not to mention it's got the highest rear-facing weight limit, and a tall enough shell to go along with it. It forward-faces to 80 pounds (again, nice tall shell helps), and has an 8 year (for the XTSL) or 10 year (for the RXT) life before expiration. You get a lot more for your money with this seat than any of the cheaper ones. We love our Radians.
Some manner of cosleeper is great to have, too. We used a pack-and-play with a bassinet attachment, but it's even better to have an Arm's Reach Cosleeper. The mattress is better than that of the pack-and-play, and it sidecars to the bed more easily, too. Breastfeeding and cosleeping go hand in hand for us.
At least 2 dozen cloth diapers. There are so many kinds, I can't tell you what you'll like best. Every baby is different. My boys are complete opposites. Orren was great in pocket diapers. Chai is horrible in pocket diapers. We use pretty much just prefolds with Chai, whereas we used almost nothing but pocket diapers with Orren. All I can tell you is to try stuff, and see what works. Although I will tell you that prefolds are the most versatile. I don't know a single baby who can't use prefolds. The fact that they're so cheap is just an added bonus. You want at least two dozen diapers so you can wash every other day. My stash is way bigger than that, but I have diapered with as few as a dozen before, and can tell you it can be done with a small stash. At least two dozen is best, though.
Clothes, toys, blankies....
That's really it. Also, for those on a budget, you can actually limit this even further. Just the diapers, a sling, some clothes, some blankies, a few toys, and a carseat will do totally fine.
A GOOD carrier.
By "good", I mean NOT the crap you buy at Walmart. Ergo, Beco, Boba, Babyhawk Mei Tai, Girasol woven wrap, Maya ring sling, even a Moby wrap for the first couple months... These are good carriers! Personally, I'm a Ergo girl. I love my Ergo so much I've pretty much given up strollers for it, and not a day goes by that I don't use it. Babywearing is so much more convenient than using a stroller since you don't have to look for ramps, don't have that cumbersome moment where you can't quite open the door to someplace and simultaneously maneuver the stroller through it, and there's no concern about if it will fit in the car. Babywearing is awesome. Why did it take me until my third child to figure this out? Because I didn't have a good carrier before this. When I got my Ergo, I began to love babywearing. Coincidence? I think not.
Two awesome boobs. I have fed formula in the past. It scared the crap out of me to do it, because formula is pretty bad stuff compared to the real thing. Only 3% of women in the world physically cannot breastfeed. Even if every person you know has failed at it, at least try. Come to a La Leche League meeting, too. We have such an awesome group here in El Paso.
Also under the topic of feeding, you need great nursing bras. I like Hot Milk nursing bras. They are so pretty, good quality, and fit nicely. They're expensive if you pay full price, but you can get them on sale for about $30 apiece, which isn't bad for what they are.
I also have found my breastpump to be worth its weight in gold, and then some. I have a Medela Pump In Style. Yes, it is worth every penny. When you consider that organic GMO-free baby formula costs upward of $200 a month (trust me on this one), a $300 breastpump seems downright reasonable.
Obviously every baby needs a good carseat. Sure, you can buy an infant seat, which they'll outgrow in a few months, and then you'll have to buy a convertible seat after that. Plus, if you babywear, you won't even use the infant seat as part of a travel system. For my buck, a good convertible carseat is where it's at. I like the Sunshine Kids Radian XTSL, or the Diono Radian RXT. Again, this is another $300 purchase if you can't find one on sale. It is worth it, though. This is one of the few convertible carseats on the US market that actually fits from birth. Not to mention it's got the highest rear-facing weight limit, and a tall enough shell to go along with it. It forward-faces to 80 pounds (again, nice tall shell helps), and has an 8 year (for the XTSL) or 10 year (for the RXT) life before expiration. You get a lot more for your money with this seat than any of the cheaper ones. We love our Radians.
Some manner of cosleeper is great to have, too. We used a pack-and-play with a bassinet attachment, but it's even better to have an Arm's Reach Cosleeper. The mattress is better than that of the pack-and-play, and it sidecars to the bed more easily, too. Breastfeeding and cosleeping go hand in hand for us.
At least 2 dozen cloth diapers. There are so many kinds, I can't tell you what you'll like best. Every baby is different. My boys are complete opposites. Orren was great in pocket diapers. Chai is horrible in pocket diapers. We use pretty much just prefolds with Chai, whereas we used almost nothing but pocket diapers with Orren. All I can tell you is to try stuff, and see what works. Although I will tell you that prefolds are the most versatile. I don't know a single baby who can't use prefolds. The fact that they're so cheap is just an added bonus. You want at least two dozen diapers so you can wash every other day. My stash is way bigger than that, but I have diapered with as few as a dozen before, and can tell you it can be done with a small stash. At least two dozen is best, though.
Clothes, toys, blankies....
That's really it. Also, for those on a budget, you can actually limit this even further. Just the diapers, a sling, some clothes, some blankies, a few toys, and a carseat will do totally fine.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Bebe Chai has a stocking
This was the only Christmas morning pic that turned out anywhere near ok. I should have known. Thak was taking pics, and he doesn't usually come up with a lot. My camera's batteries were dead, and well, I didn't get my iPhone until about 15 minutes after this was taken. So basically, this is a pic that was really messed up, with really irritating lighting, that I edited half to death in Picasa, and this is what we ended up with. It is the only pic of Bebe Chai opening his stocking on his first Christmas. Why yes, that is a John Deere stocking.
You can't handle the cute.
Here are Erin, Orren, and Bebe Chai in their awesome alpaca jackets that grandma and grandad got them in Argentina. They love them, and look so cute in them, too! You can't see it in this pic, but Bebe Chai is wearing his new shoes, Robeez that look like lions, from those same grandparents. Too too too cute! These kids have had a great Christmas so far, and will be celebrating Orren's birthday with cake and more presents as soon as the food comes off the grill.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Three years ago
Thak put my bag into the car, and called Jill, the midwife on call, to let her know that the contractions were still coming every few minutes, and we were on our way. We dropped Erin off with the Brady family, and then spent the next hour hitting every pothole on the two lane road through the south Georgia swamps that stood between us and Savannah. By the time we arrived at the birth center, the contractions had stopped, and we were sent home.
From that point forward, every night, I had strong contractions from the minute the sun went down, until it rose again, all the way until Orren was finally born on Christmas morning. Three years ago today, he gave us the first indication that he was coming, and everything began. It was what made me doubt, on some level, that the contractions on Christmas Eve were real labor, and what made us almost not make it to the birth center in time. However, staying at home, and doing my whole labor, until the very end, completely unassisted, was a huge part of what gave me the confidence to homebirth the next time, and 100% of the reason I came to realize that homebirth is the ideal way to bring a baby into the world.
I can't believe my little curly headed dude is about to be 3 years old. It seems like just yesterday that we were bringing our little boy whose name means pine tree, into the world, under the tall Georgia pines.
From that point forward, every night, I had strong contractions from the minute the sun went down, until it rose again, all the way until Orren was finally born on Christmas morning. Three years ago today, he gave us the first indication that he was coming, and everything began. It was what made me doubt, on some level, that the contractions on Christmas Eve were real labor, and what made us almost not make it to the birth center in time. However, staying at home, and doing my whole labor, until the very end, completely unassisted, was a huge part of what gave me the confidence to homebirth the next time, and 100% of the reason I came to realize that homebirth is the ideal way to bring a baby into the world.
I can't believe my little curly headed dude is about to be 3 years old. It seems like just yesterday that we were bringing our little boy whose name means pine tree, into the world, under the tall Georgia pines.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
"O-R-R-E-N spells Orren"
Sorry for the horrible pic. The lighting in my house is bad, and my camera is bad at it, so this is what we've got. Plus, it was the millionth one I took of him holding this paper, and he was really hyper, so that's why the annoyed look on his face, despite saying "cheese", repeatedly, just like mommy told him to.
So Orren has taken a real interest in writing his name lately. I was not expecting this at the age of 2 (ok, almost 3, but he's still 2 for another week, ok?) but if he's asking to do it, then why not? This is how he does it. He says, "O-R-R-E-N spells Orren!" while writing each letter out as an O. He does it repeatedly. It is absolutely adorable. He also says "E-R-I-N spells Sissy!" He writes that as all O's, too.
Who let my little curly headed dude grow up so fast?
So Orren has taken a real interest in writing his name lately. I was not expecting this at the age of 2 (ok, almost 3, but he's still 2 for another week, ok?) but if he's asking to do it, then why not? This is how he does it. He says, "O-R-R-E-N spells Orren!" while writing each letter out as an O. He does it repeatedly. It is absolutely adorable. He also says "E-R-I-N spells Sissy!" He writes that as all O's, too.
Who let my little curly headed dude grow up so fast?
Tour of Erin and Orren's artwork
I got around to framing most of the things I had wanted to frame up. We have all these pictures that we don't hang up anymore, and they're in frames, so I'm just reusing the frames to hang up stuff I do want to hang up, namely some of the awesome work that Erin and Orren have done lately. What? You don't think kids' art is worth framing? Look at this stuff! The refrigerator doesn't do it justice. Although, funny enough, the last thing I painted is on the refrigerator. I painted a squash plant. Thak thought it was a lettuce. Some people have the talent. I am not those people. Erin and Orren, however, are those people. Without further ado, here are some of Erin and Orren's art pieces that are on display around the house.
Three watercolors by Erin and Orren. From left to right, Fish by Orren, Whale by Orren, and an abstract by Erin. Erin actually painted a bunch like this, but she gave a bunch of them away to her friends, so I only had this one here to frame. It was kind of a shame, because they would have made a cool looking set with three of them together, but this one does look cool paired up with Orren's fish and whale, still.
This is an acrylic painting by Orren. It's actually the first time he ever used acrylics.
This is an acrylic painting by Erin. For those who know my house, this is in one of the weird shelf wall thingies that is in my living room, where a flat screen TV would go, if we had a flat screen TV, which we totally don't. She used a few different brushes, and a small pinecone, to paint this garden scene.
This watercolor abstract is a joint effort between Erin and Orren. They used one of the big pieces of cardboard that covers the floor of new BMW's. Thak used to bring them home for the kids to paint on when he worked at BMW. This also resides where our builder intended a flat screen TV to go.
Three watercolors by Erin and Orren. From left to right, Fish by Orren, Whale by Orren, and an abstract by Erin. Erin actually painted a bunch like this, but she gave a bunch of them away to her friends, so I only had this one here to frame. It was kind of a shame, because they would have made a cool looking set with three of them together, but this one does look cool paired up with Orren's fish and whale, still.
This is an acrylic painting by Orren. It's actually the first time he ever used acrylics.
This is an acrylic painting by Erin. For those who know my house, this is in one of the weird shelf wall thingies that is in my living room, where a flat screen TV would go, if we had a flat screen TV, which we totally don't. She used a few different brushes, and a small pinecone, to paint this garden scene.
This watercolor abstract is a joint effort between Erin and Orren. They used one of the big pieces of cardboard that covers the floor of new BMW's. Thak used to bring them home for the kids to paint on when he worked at BMW. This also resides where our builder intended a flat screen TV to go.
Sleep is still elusive.
Chai went to bed in his crib, in his own room last night at 7:30. This was glorious for the whole two hours he slept. Then he woke up, and I tried for almost 4 hours to get him back to sleep, and he just wouldn't. Eventually, I was so tired that I put him into bed with me, and we both fell asleep, him intermittently nursing the whole night.
The thing is, I don't actually mind him coming to our bed to sleep, but this schedule is impossible. I would be totally ok with it if he would sleep until maybe midnight and then come to our bed, or even if he woke up at 9, and then went back to sleep for a few hours, and then came to bed with us. It's just, when he wakes up at 9-something, and doesn't go back down, and I JUST got Erin and Orren to bed, that makes my day literally 24 hours of constant work. I can't function like that for much longer.
We were so desperate last night that Thak actually told me to let Chai cry it out. I couldn't do it. I couldn't just leave him there all by himself to cry and wonder why mommy wasn't coming to get him. It isn't his fault that his daddy left me all alone to deal with every single thing, and that there is more work here than one person can reasonably handle. It is NOT Chai's fault, and I won't let him be the one to pay for it. I know what it's like to pay for a decision that isn't yours, and it feels like shit, so I'm not going to do that to him.
I ordered The No Cry Sleep Solution. It arrives in a few days. Hopefully the key to some sleep resides somewhere in there.
The thing is, I don't actually mind him coming to our bed to sleep, but this schedule is impossible. I would be totally ok with it if he would sleep until maybe midnight and then come to our bed, or even if he woke up at 9, and then went back to sleep for a few hours, and then came to bed with us. It's just, when he wakes up at 9-something, and doesn't go back down, and I JUST got Erin and Orren to bed, that makes my day literally 24 hours of constant work. I can't function like that for much longer.
We were so desperate last night that Thak actually told me to let Chai cry it out. I couldn't do it. I couldn't just leave him there all by himself to cry and wonder why mommy wasn't coming to get him. It isn't his fault that his daddy left me all alone to deal with every single thing, and that there is more work here than one person can reasonably handle. It is NOT Chai's fault, and I won't let him be the one to pay for it. I know what it's like to pay for a decision that isn't yours, and it feels like shit, so I'm not going to do that to him.
I ordered The No Cry Sleep Solution. It arrives in a few days. Hopefully the key to some sleep resides somewhere in there.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Attachment Parenting is great, except when it sucks.
I read something about this on Mama Birth, which is a really awesome blog, not terribly long ago. In fact, click here to read that article if you want.
I, too, have a love-hate relationship with attachment parenting. Who doesn't?! It IS a harder way to parent than the mainstream way. When Erin was little, I always kind of wondered how the AP moms did it. Wearing their babies in slings, while I pushed a stroller... cosleeping and breastfeeding, while I tried to maintain as much 21-year-old single girl normalcy as I could cling to... The AP moms were a different species than me. They were so much more patient. It was more than I had to give at that point. I tried to breastfeed, but that was about it.
When Orren was born five years later, we did enough AP stuff to be considered an AP family, or at least AP novices. By the time Chai was born, we had developed our AP skills to a level rarely seen. Most of our friends consider us to be extremely AP. Just like homebirthing was a place we arrived at over a nearly 8 year journey, so was Attachment Parenting. I know it's not that way for everybody, but it was for us.
I can attest that it is harder to do things this way. Everything in that blog entry from Mama Birth is right on, except the stroller thing. Funny enough, the more babies I have, the less I like strollers. I don't have anything against them. I just don't use them anymore. Everything else in that article, though, I'm so there.
One thing about AP that none of the experts ever tell you, is that while it flows nicely in the construct of a nuclear family, it is very difficult to do it alone. That probably has a lot to do with why I wasn't drawn to it when Erin was a baby. I know a lot of great single AP moms, of course. I'm just not those people. In my normal life, I have Thak, and when it comes to parenting babies, Thak is an absolute gem. He's super AP oriented, before he even knew there was something called AP. Honestly, he's more AP than I am. He babywears every chance he gets, loves cosleeping, and really believes in the importance of breastfeeding. With his help, we are an awesome AP family much of the time.
When he's not here, that's when it starts to suck, because I have three kids to deal with, and let's face it, AP practices are really time consuming. My average evening looks like me cooking dinner while the almost-3-year-old asks ten million questions and runs between me and the stove at random, and the learning disabled 8-year-old muddles through her homework, while trying to trick me into letting her go out to play with the neighborhood delinquents, all while the baby screams a few feet away because he's hungry and tired, and it's about time to begin his bedtime routine, but everyone else is hungry, too, so I'm cooking. Then I feed the kids, feed the baby, get the baby dressed for bed, and then nurse, and hopefully get the baby down for the night. Then MAYBE eat, but probably not, because it's bath time, and I have to keep the older kids quiet enough to not wake up the baby (I never succeed at this), and then do their bedtime routine. Somewhere in there, they wake Chai up, and I have to nurse him again until he goes back to sleep. With luck, all three kids are down by 9 pm, and I can maybe eat my dinner. Then I have to clean up after all of the day's craziness, and talk to Thak on the phone for a while, of course. By the time I'm ready to think about going to bed. Chai is waking up again. He never goes back down, unless it's in bed with me. If he's in bed with me, he nurses all night. It's hard to get any sleep with a baby latched on all night long, so I don't really sleep. Then at 6, I wake up, cook breakfast, wrangle Erin and Orren (And getting Erin presentable for school is a task in and of itself. Plus, Orren is NOT a morning person.), and get us all out the door by 7:15 to fight traffic across town to Erin's school. I am exhausted. I haven't had more than a couple hours' sleep in over a month.
Normally, the above would look like Thak feeding Chai his dinner, while Orren asks him a million questions, while I cook everyone else's dinner and help Erin through whatever homework disaster she has that day. Then we'd all eat. Thak would hold Chai so I could eat. Then while he ate, I would nurse Chai, while he did bathtime. As I got Chai to bed, he would get the older two ready, and read stories. Then everyone would go to bed, and we would hang out for a little while, and then go to bed ourselves. If Chai woke up and wouldn't go back down after I had nursed him for a long time and tried everything else, he could rock him, maybe feed him a bottle of pumped milk, and get him back down whether in our bed or the sidecarred crib, and we would all sleep several hours at a time. Then in the morning, he would get up and cook breakfast while I nursed Chai. Then we'd work together to get Erin and Orren out the door. He would help me strap the boys into their carseats, and then we'd leave for school as he left for work.
It's a whole lot easier to be AP when you're not doing it all alone. I have come to some hard decisions within the past 24 hours, and it might be the sleep deprivation talking, but I'd rather it take this form than me falling asleep while driving the kids somewhere and running us off the side of the mountain or something. Anyhow, yesterday, I took the crib away from the bed. No longer is it in sidecar form. It is about 3 feet from the bed. If this doesn't work to help him sleep better, then he is going in his own room. Erin could not sleep when I was in the same room as her when she was about this age, too, so it's not the first time I've seen it. Erin and Orren, who currently sleep in Orren's bed (yes, both of them) will be moving to Erin's room, and then I'll be moving the crib into Orren's room, and having Chai start sleeping in there. It was not our plan to give up cosleeping this soon, but I do think it is for the better, just so we can all sleep better.
We're still AP. We still plan to breastfeed until Chai weans himself. We still babywear. We still will never "sleep train" (also known as letting the baby cry it out). We still try really hard to use positive discipline (although that's easier said than done when it comes to certain kids). AP isn't all or nothing. We didn't take this decision lightly. I think it's right, though. I really do.
I, too, have a love-hate relationship with attachment parenting. Who doesn't?! It IS a harder way to parent than the mainstream way. When Erin was little, I always kind of wondered how the AP moms did it. Wearing their babies in slings, while I pushed a stroller... cosleeping and breastfeeding, while I tried to maintain as much 21-year-old single girl normalcy as I could cling to... The AP moms were a different species than me. They were so much more patient. It was more than I had to give at that point. I tried to breastfeed, but that was about it.
When Orren was born five years later, we did enough AP stuff to be considered an AP family, or at least AP novices. By the time Chai was born, we had developed our AP skills to a level rarely seen. Most of our friends consider us to be extremely AP. Just like homebirthing was a place we arrived at over a nearly 8 year journey, so was Attachment Parenting. I know it's not that way for everybody, but it was for us.
I can attest that it is harder to do things this way. Everything in that blog entry from Mama Birth is right on, except the stroller thing. Funny enough, the more babies I have, the less I like strollers. I don't have anything against them. I just don't use them anymore. Everything else in that article, though, I'm so there.
One thing about AP that none of the experts ever tell you, is that while it flows nicely in the construct of a nuclear family, it is very difficult to do it alone. That probably has a lot to do with why I wasn't drawn to it when Erin was a baby. I know a lot of great single AP moms, of course. I'm just not those people. In my normal life, I have Thak, and when it comes to parenting babies, Thak is an absolute gem. He's super AP oriented, before he even knew there was something called AP. Honestly, he's more AP than I am. He babywears every chance he gets, loves cosleeping, and really believes in the importance of breastfeeding. With his help, we are an awesome AP family much of the time.
When he's not here, that's when it starts to suck, because I have three kids to deal with, and let's face it, AP practices are really time consuming. My average evening looks like me cooking dinner while the almost-3-year-old asks ten million questions and runs between me and the stove at random, and the learning disabled 8-year-old muddles through her homework, while trying to trick me into letting her go out to play with the neighborhood delinquents, all while the baby screams a few feet away because he's hungry and tired, and it's about time to begin his bedtime routine, but everyone else is hungry, too, so I'm cooking. Then I feed the kids, feed the baby, get the baby dressed for bed, and then nurse, and hopefully get the baby down for the night. Then MAYBE eat, but probably not, because it's bath time, and I have to keep the older kids quiet enough to not wake up the baby (I never succeed at this), and then do their bedtime routine. Somewhere in there, they wake Chai up, and I have to nurse him again until he goes back to sleep. With luck, all three kids are down by 9 pm, and I can maybe eat my dinner. Then I have to clean up after all of the day's craziness, and talk to Thak on the phone for a while, of course. By the time I'm ready to think about going to bed. Chai is waking up again. He never goes back down, unless it's in bed with me. If he's in bed with me, he nurses all night. It's hard to get any sleep with a baby latched on all night long, so I don't really sleep. Then at 6, I wake up, cook breakfast, wrangle Erin and Orren (And getting Erin presentable for school is a task in and of itself. Plus, Orren is NOT a morning person.), and get us all out the door by 7:15 to fight traffic across town to Erin's school. I am exhausted. I haven't had more than a couple hours' sleep in over a month.
Normally, the above would look like Thak feeding Chai his dinner, while Orren asks him a million questions, while I cook everyone else's dinner and help Erin through whatever homework disaster she has that day. Then we'd all eat. Thak would hold Chai so I could eat. Then while he ate, I would nurse Chai, while he did bathtime. As I got Chai to bed, he would get the older two ready, and read stories. Then everyone would go to bed, and we would hang out for a little while, and then go to bed ourselves. If Chai woke up and wouldn't go back down after I had nursed him for a long time and tried everything else, he could rock him, maybe feed him a bottle of pumped milk, and get him back down whether in our bed or the sidecarred crib, and we would all sleep several hours at a time. Then in the morning, he would get up and cook breakfast while I nursed Chai. Then we'd work together to get Erin and Orren out the door. He would help me strap the boys into their carseats, and then we'd leave for school as he left for work.
It's a whole lot easier to be AP when you're not doing it all alone. I have come to some hard decisions within the past 24 hours, and it might be the sleep deprivation talking, but I'd rather it take this form than me falling asleep while driving the kids somewhere and running us off the side of the mountain or something. Anyhow, yesterday, I took the crib away from the bed. No longer is it in sidecar form. It is about 3 feet from the bed. If this doesn't work to help him sleep better, then he is going in his own room. Erin could not sleep when I was in the same room as her when she was about this age, too, so it's not the first time I've seen it. Erin and Orren, who currently sleep in Orren's bed (yes, both of them) will be moving to Erin's room, and then I'll be moving the crib into Orren's room, and having Chai start sleeping in there. It was not our plan to give up cosleeping this soon, but I do think it is for the better, just so we can all sleep better.
We're still AP. We still plan to breastfeed until Chai weans himself. We still babywear. We still will never "sleep train" (also known as letting the baby cry it out). We still try really hard to use positive discipline (although that's easier said than done when it comes to certain kids). AP isn't all or nothing. We didn't take this decision lightly. I think it's right, though. I really do.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Guilt: It's what They want you to have.
This blog post is made of pure win. It's long, but worth every second it takes to read it. In case you don't have time to read it, I'll give you the gist now, and you can go back and read it later. Basically, this was written by a lactation consultant, regarding the way formula companies have manipulated our society so much that no only do they get to advertise their product as inherently good, but the detractors from that sentiment are accused of trying to make the formula users feel guilty. It's a crazy marketing ploy that wouldn't work for nearly anything else in life, but for formula, it works like a charm. This is probably (and I'm extrapolating here) a huge part of the reason breastfeeding rates in the US are so abysmal.
Anyhow, I think this article is completely ingenious and correct, and I also think it applies to so many other areas of parenting. Like many things in our society, parenting is profit-driven. It's a market, and a lot of people stand to profit from it. Funny enough, the most popular choices are often the most costly, and I think the way they keep that going is by hushing those who dare to say, "Hey, you know there's a simpler and cheaper way to do this." by saying we are making those who choose the more expensive, mainstream way, feel guilty for their choices. Parenting in the US these days has become a mine field of guilt, whether real or perceived. I would say it's more perceived than real. The fact is, a well researched decision is not one anybody will feel guilty for making. Anyone who truly feels guilty over something, feels that way because they didn't do their homework before choosing. That's not what this is about, though. This is about the marketing ploy of the entities who stand to profit from mainstream parenting decisions, hushing the educated crowd who isn't buying what they're selling, by telling us that we are trying to make the mainstream people feel guilty for going that way, when really, that's not the case at all. They essentially get to market their wares to anybody who will listen, AND hush the opposition at the same time. What a racket they have going!
It starts before birth. In the US, over 90% of births are attended by an obstetrician. Obstetricians charge about 10x as much as a Certified Professional Midwife charges. 99% of babies are born in hospitals, when a hospital birth costs about 5x as much as a birth center birth, and 10x as much as a homebirth. WHY are so many people going with the more expensive option? (And we're not talking about chump change here. What you'd pay for a hospital birth and OB's care would be enough to buy you a brand new BWM.) Well, we've had it drilled into us by the US's medical associations like the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) that birth is dangerous, a disaster waiting to happen, and that of course, even the healthy woman in her 20's, with a full term baby, and absolutely no risk factors whatsoever, needs to have a trained surgeon close at hand when she gives birth, and that she should definitely not be more than a few yards from the nearest fully stocked operating room, because remember, birth is dangerous.
Enter at stage right, a homebirth mom. "Uh, my son was born 10 pounds, had shoulder dystocia, and a nuchal hand, and we had a low placenta, and a mild hemorrhage following the third stage, and we were totally fine birthing at home with a Certified Professional Midwife. Birth is no scarier than you make it. If the hospital scene freaks you out, you should interview a few midwives, maybe tour a birth center, and see what you think." Inevitably, the outcry follows. HOW DARE SHE?!! That filthy, homebirthing, pot smoking, tabbouleh eating, placenta ingesting, hippie, has just attempted to make the hospital birthing mom feel guilty over choosing what is best for her baby! How could she?! But what did the homebirth mom really do, besides encourage the other mom to pursue her options and trust her gut? I'm the homebirth mom in that situation, and I can't even tell you how many times I've been told I made someone feel guilty for their birthing choices by simply telling them (after they told me that they didn't like something about the hospital thing) how to pursue their options. Giving them the phone number for the local midwifery school, or the website address for a homebirth midwife, is to make a hospital birther feel guilty, according to a lot of people. News flash, people. ACOG did this. They want you to think birth is dangerous, and they want you to think that anyone who says it isn't, is guilting you. Do you have any idea how much money these people make off every birth? They are doing this for profit. It is a multi-billion dollar industry, and it would not be if people were not duped into thinking that anyone outside the mainstream is trying to guilt them, and actually pursued their options and learned about them more.
After the birth, it continues. Congratulations! You had a boy! What nearly always follows? "Want him circumcised?" A great many doctors will find a million reasons to tell you why it's a good idea to circumcise your son. Every single one of these reasons is BS and has been determined invalid. There is NO valid reason to circumcise a baby. It is cosmetic surgery with absolutely no health benefit whatsoever. Why are doctors pushing it, then? Well, it pays about $400 a pop. Convince a few people a month to let you do it to their baby, and that's your mortgage payment. Convince a few more, it could be enough to pay for a lovely trip to Cancun. Circumcision is definitely one of the biggest rackets going in this country. Yet, say it's unnecessary, and you're trying to make someone feel guilty for wanting to do it, or for doing it. This again, is a product of the people who profit from it. The medical associations push this "It's the parents' choice" thing, when they KNOW good and well that there is no health benefit, and honestly, it stands pretty solidly against the Hippocratic Oath to even offer this as a service that parents can choose for their sons, without their sons' informed consent. First, do no harm. Yet, we have so many botched circumcisions every year. Hundreds of babies die of complications from circumcision worldwide every year. This procedure needs to be banned worldwide, just as it has been in Sweden and South Africa! Yet here in the US, we must not make the parents who choose it feel guilty, by presenting facts on it. No, that would be cruel... or so the man holding the knife, with the fat wallet in his pocket, tells us.
It doesn't stop there either! The baby is now 2 months old. Let's go to the doctor. Time for some immunizations! First of all, what are we immunizing them against? It's commonly heard that those of us who choose to either forgo vaccinations completely, or vaccinate minimally, are being ridiculous. After all, we had all our shots, and we're fine. This is completely true. Most of us did have all our shots. However, I was born in 1981. My children were born in 2003, 2008, and 2011. In the decades that spanned between those years, the number of vaccinations children are given in this country has doubled. Along with it, the prevalence of certain health issues has risen substantially. Is there a link? There could be. In countries that vaccinate a lot less than we do, such as Finland, there is also substantially less incidence of a great many conditions we see only rising in number here. So WHY do doctors continue to push vaccinations? Well, big pharma pretty much owns the doctors. Some of the vaccine manufacturers even pay kickbacks for every dose of their vaccine given. They give doctors all kinds of free stuff for pushing their vaccines. It is in big pharma's best interest to vaccinate the crap out of every living thing, because they get paid for it. The doctors are merely the middle men. This is very profit-based. Yet you mention this to someone whose child has had a bad reaction to a vaccine, that maybe they would like to read up on alternatives to vaccination on a traditional schedule, to prevent this kind of thing from happening in the future, and you're trying to make them feel guilty. How many times have I heard it? "Sure, my kid became severely autistic after his 12 month vaccinations, but my doctor said not to let those anti-vaccine lunatics make me feel guilty about it. I continue to vaccinate on schedule." Automatically, people who suggest researching and becoming educated on the subject, are lunatics who are trying to guilt parents into something. The ad campaign is working.
Somewhere in there, someone offered you formula. Every breastfeeding mom I know who does well baby visits (Again, that's a for-profit racket in and of itself) has been encouraged to formula feed, told that it's just as good, not to feel guilty for it, no matter what those breastfeeding nazis say... Lather, rinse, repeat. The cycle continues, and the great publicity machine that has overtaken American parenting claims another one. Break free, fellow parents. Educating does not equal guilt tripping. Talking candidly about these things, and truly forming opinions free of profit driven bias, is the only way we will ever break free from the machine that the big corporations are using to control us.
Anyhow, I think this article is completely ingenious and correct, and I also think it applies to so many other areas of parenting. Like many things in our society, parenting is profit-driven. It's a market, and a lot of people stand to profit from it. Funny enough, the most popular choices are often the most costly, and I think the way they keep that going is by hushing those who dare to say, "Hey, you know there's a simpler and cheaper way to do this." by saying we are making those who choose the more expensive, mainstream way, feel guilty for their choices. Parenting in the US these days has become a mine field of guilt, whether real or perceived. I would say it's more perceived than real. The fact is, a well researched decision is not one anybody will feel guilty for making. Anyone who truly feels guilty over something, feels that way because they didn't do their homework before choosing. That's not what this is about, though. This is about the marketing ploy of the entities who stand to profit from mainstream parenting decisions, hushing the educated crowd who isn't buying what they're selling, by telling us that we are trying to make the mainstream people feel guilty for going that way, when really, that's not the case at all. They essentially get to market their wares to anybody who will listen, AND hush the opposition at the same time. What a racket they have going!
It starts before birth. In the US, over 90% of births are attended by an obstetrician. Obstetricians charge about 10x as much as a Certified Professional Midwife charges. 99% of babies are born in hospitals, when a hospital birth costs about 5x as much as a birth center birth, and 10x as much as a homebirth. WHY are so many people going with the more expensive option? (And we're not talking about chump change here. What you'd pay for a hospital birth and OB's care would be enough to buy you a brand new BWM.) Well, we've had it drilled into us by the US's medical associations like the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) that birth is dangerous, a disaster waiting to happen, and that of course, even the healthy woman in her 20's, with a full term baby, and absolutely no risk factors whatsoever, needs to have a trained surgeon close at hand when she gives birth, and that she should definitely not be more than a few yards from the nearest fully stocked operating room, because remember, birth is dangerous.
Enter at stage right, a homebirth mom. "Uh, my son was born 10 pounds, had shoulder dystocia, and a nuchal hand, and we had a low placenta, and a mild hemorrhage following the third stage, and we were totally fine birthing at home with a Certified Professional Midwife. Birth is no scarier than you make it. If the hospital scene freaks you out, you should interview a few midwives, maybe tour a birth center, and see what you think." Inevitably, the outcry follows. HOW DARE SHE?!! That filthy, homebirthing, pot smoking, tabbouleh eating, placenta ingesting, hippie, has just attempted to make the hospital birthing mom feel guilty over choosing what is best for her baby! How could she?! But what did the homebirth mom really do, besides encourage the other mom to pursue her options and trust her gut? I'm the homebirth mom in that situation, and I can't even tell you how many times I've been told I made someone feel guilty for their birthing choices by simply telling them (after they told me that they didn't like something about the hospital thing) how to pursue their options. Giving them the phone number for the local midwifery school, or the website address for a homebirth midwife, is to make a hospital birther feel guilty, according to a lot of people. News flash, people. ACOG did this. They want you to think birth is dangerous, and they want you to think that anyone who says it isn't, is guilting you. Do you have any idea how much money these people make off every birth? They are doing this for profit. It is a multi-billion dollar industry, and it would not be if people were not duped into thinking that anyone outside the mainstream is trying to guilt them, and actually pursued their options and learned about them more.
After the birth, it continues. Congratulations! You had a boy! What nearly always follows? "Want him circumcised?" A great many doctors will find a million reasons to tell you why it's a good idea to circumcise your son. Every single one of these reasons is BS and has been determined invalid. There is NO valid reason to circumcise a baby. It is cosmetic surgery with absolutely no health benefit whatsoever. Why are doctors pushing it, then? Well, it pays about $400 a pop. Convince a few people a month to let you do it to their baby, and that's your mortgage payment. Convince a few more, it could be enough to pay for a lovely trip to Cancun. Circumcision is definitely one of the biggest rackets going in this country. Yet, say it's unnecessary, and you're trying to make someone feel guilty for wanting to do it, or for doing it. This again, is a product of the people who profit from it. The medical associations push this "It's the parents' choice" thing, when they KNOW good and well that there is no health benefit, and honestly, it stands pretty solidly against the Hippocratic Oath to even offer this as a service that parents can choose for their sons, without their sons' informed consent. First, do no harm. Yet, we have so many botched circumcisions every year. Hundreds of babies die of complications from circumcision worldwide every year. This procedure needs to be banned worldwide, just as it has been in Sweden and South Africa! Yet here in the US, we must not make the parents who choose it feel guilty, by presenting facts on it. No, that would be cruel... or so the man holding the knife, with the fat wallet in his pocket, tells us.
It doesn't stop there either! The baby is now 2 months old. Let's go to the doctor. Time for some immunizations! First of all, what are we immunizing them against? It's commonly heard that those of us who choose to either forgo vaccinations completely, or vaccinate minimally, are being ridiculous. After all, we had all our shots, and we're fine. This is completely true. Most of us did have all our shots. However, I was born in 1981. My children were born in 2003, 2008, and 2011. In the decades that spanned between those years, the number of vaccinations children are given in this country has doubled. Along with it, the prevalence of certain health issues has risen substantially. Is there a link? There could be. In countries that vaccinate a lot less than we do, such as Finland, there is also substantially less incidence of a great many conditions we see only rising in number here. So WHY do doctors continue to push vaccinations? Well, big pharma pretty much owns the doctors. Some of the vaccine manufacturers even pay kickbacks for every dose of their vaccine given. They give doctors all kinds of free stuff for pushing their vaccines. It is in big pharma's best interest to vaccinate the crap out of every living thing, because they get paid for it. The doctors are merely the middle men. This is very profit-based. Yet you mention this to someone whose child has had a bad reaction to a vaccine, that maybe they would like to read up on alternatives to vaccination on a traditional schedule, to prevent this kind of thing from happening in the future, and you're trying to make them feel guilty. How many times have I heard it? "Sure, my kid became severely autistic after his 12 month vaccinations, but my doctor said not to let those anti-vaccine lunatics make me feel guilty about it. I continue to vaccinate on schedule." Automatically, people who suggest researching and becoming educated on the subject, are lunatics who are trying to guilt parents into something. The ad campaign is working.
Somewhere in there, someone offered you formula. Every breastfeeding mom I know who does well baby visits (Again, that's a for-profit racket in and of itself) has been encouraged to formula feed, told that it's just as good, not to feel guilty for it, no matter what those breastfeeding nazis say... Lather, rinse, repeat. The cycle continues, and the great publicity machine that has overtaken American parenting claims another one. Break free, fellow parents. Educating does not equal guilt tripping. Talking candidly about these things, and truly forming opinions free of profit driven bias, is the only way we will ever break free from the machine that the big corporations are using to control us.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
The information age, and the military...
Two things have come about recently, and both had the same impact on me. I am so glad the internet wasn't a big thing when I was in the Army. Sure, we had the internet. I regularly shopped and socialized online from my Army-issued laptop (that was before they blocked sites like victoriassecret.com, delias.com, and AOL chat on government computers), and a couple people in my barracks had internet in their rooms, but it wasn't the ubiquitous thing that it is today, and I think that made life a lot simpler. It's hard enough to be a lower-enlisted soldier, being micromanaged at every step, constantly watched, and all that, without adding an electronic paper trail to everything you ever do, on duty or off.
The first thing that's caught my attention is an off duty thing. A few months ago, a Facebook page called "Overly Sensitive Military Wives" sprung up. It's run by a couple of female soldiers, and was set up as a response to the wives who were getting all crazy over a page called "Knockers For The Troops" (and you can imagine what that one was). Well, I actually didn't know about KFTT when I found OSMW, but I learned of that part later. Even so, I found OSMW to be an ingenious concept. These girls were saying the stuff people had been giving me shit over saying for years, and they had thousands of fans listening to them! This was amazing! You mean I'm not the only one who hates those "Army Wife: Toughest Job In The Army" bumper stickers, and I'm not the only one who was a little bit shocked by the way people dress in the commissary, or the way some wives behave in general and think is acceptable? Can't be! It was as if the creators of OSMW had taken a field trip through my mind, picked out the stuff that makes people hate me, and GOT AWAY WITH SAYING IT!!! You cannot imagine how much this concept thrilled me.
Of course, for all the thousands of people who apparently have seen it my way all this time, because they are fans of OSMW, there are just as many who hate it, and a lot has sprung up in backlash. OK, fine. Defend your right to wear pajamas to the PX, or to wear pieces of your husband's uniform, or to say being an Army wife is a job in the Army (seriously, I'm gonna need to see an MOS code on that...), the toughest one, even. Fine. Free speech. I get it. Hell, I'm a veteran. I helped keep your right to say this garbage, just as much as my own right to disagree with it. I'm ok with that. However, one thing has caught my attention in particular. People act like this is a new thing. They're saying that they can't believe people are talking about each other this way, and all that. That shocks me. Haven't these women ever been to a coffee? If they haven't, what is it they think goes on at one? OSMW has nothing on the NCO wives' coffees and cocktail hours I've been to over the years. Sure, the subject matter varies slightly (I would not bring up the Army Wife bumper stickers at a coffee) but there's always been copious amounts of trash talking in the military community. I think everybody knows this. It's merely the electronic paper trail that is making people uncomfortable now.
Another thing surfaced just today, and this one involved Airmen. It was some AIT class that took a screwed up photo (as lower-enlisted personnel often do) that involved some guy playing dead in a transfer case (the kind of casket they bring troops home in), with chains on him, and then the rest of the class standing around him, with lettering edited in that says "It sucks to be you." OK, so it sounds really bad, and obviously there's some inside joke here, one that there's no way any of us are ever going to be let in on now, but I think the fact that this photo has gone viral, and is receiving national attention, and is now being investigated by a General, is taking what I affectionately refer to as "lower-enlisted fuckery" too far.
Let's get one thing straight. This was in the schoolhouse. The transfer case was part of training materials. These troops do not participate in the transfer of remains from overseas, and probably never will (their MOS does not regularly do that). There were no dead troops anywhere near, because they were NOWHERE NEAR Dover. These are not the guys who lost the pieces of soldiers' remains, or dumped ashes in a landfill. These are trainees, playing a joke, with their own lab equipment.
You know, if you saw the picture of me and my classmates with dummy M-16's (remember when weapons were full sized?) by the sump tank in our soils and materials lab, with the phrase "Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap." scrawled across the top, you probably would think it looked screwed up, too... and it does. It was our joke, though, lower-enlisted fuckery. We weren't allowed to say the word "dirt" in the soils and materials lab, and the team who said it the most had to clean the disgusting sump tank at the back of the lab... and well, we all like AC/DC, so we sang "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" while cleaning the sump tank, and well... we had some dummy M-16's, and thought it was funny for our friends to stand guard with them. See how STUPID this is? I guarantee the picture of the dude chained up in a transfer case was every bit that idiotic... and no more malicious. Again, I'm SO glad there was no electronic paper trail when I was a soldier. I, along with most of my friends, would have been completely screwed.
I guess there are two morals to this story. First of all, troops, that thing they say in basic about it being all about perception is as true as it ever was. The difference is that now, you can't hide from it as much. About the only place you will have any privacy, or freedom from scrutiny from higher-higher, is behind the locked door of the latrine, and even that is questionable. Second, I think higher needs to remember that this stuff has always gone on, whether they've seen it or not, and really think about what, if anything, was harmed by whatever the thing in question was, before staging large scale investigations into the same variety of lower-enlisted idiocy that has always existed.
The first thing that's caught my attention is an off duty thing. A few months ago, a Facebook page called "Overly Sensitive Military Wives" sprung up. It's run by a couple of female soldiers, and was set up as a response to the wives who were getting all crazy over a page called "Knockers For The Troops" (and you can imagine what that one was). Well, I actually didn't know about KFTT when I found OSMW, but I learned of that part later. Even so, I found OSMW to be an ingenious concept. These girls were saying the stuff people had been giving me shit over saying for years, and they had thousands of fans listening to them! This was amazing! You mean I'm not the only one who hates those "Army Wife: Toughest Job In The Army" bumper stickers, and I'm not the only one who was a little bit shocked by the way people dress in the commissary, or the way some wives behave in general and think is acceptable? Can't be! It was as if the creators of OSMW had taken a field trip through my mind, picked out the stuff that makes people hate me, and GOT AWAY WITH SAYING IT!!! You cannot imagine how much this concept thrilled me.
Of course, for all the thousands of people who apparently have seen it my way all this time, because they are fans of OSMW, there are just as many who hate it, and a lot has sprung up in backlash. OK, fine. Defend your right to wear pajamas to the PX, or to wear pieces of your husband's uniform, or to say being an Army wife is a job in the Army (seriously, I'm gonna need to see an MOS code on that...), the toughest one, even. Fine. Free speech. I get it. Hell, I'm a veteran. I helped keep your right to say this garbage, just as much as my own right to disagree with it. I'm ok with that. However, one thing has caught my attention in particular. People act like this is a new thing. They're saying that they can't believe people are talking about each other this way, and all that. That shocks me. Haven't these women ever been to a coffee? If they haven't, what is it they think goes on at one? OSMW has nothing on the NCO wives' coffees and cocktail hours I've been to over the years. Sure, the subject matter varies slightly (I would not bring up the Army Wife bumper stickers at a coffee) but there's always been copious amounts of trash talking in the military community. I think everybody knows this. It's merely the electronic paper trail that is making people uncomfortable now.
Another thing surfaced just today, and this one involved Airmen. It was some AIT class that took a screwed up photo (as lower-enlisted personnel often do) that involved some guy playing dead in a transfer case (the kind of casket they bring troops home in), with chains on him, and then the rest of the class standing around him, with lettering edited in that says "It sucks to be you." OK, so it sounds really bad, and obviously there's some inside joke here, one that there's no way any of us are ever going to be let in on now, but I think the fact that this photo has gone viral, and is receiving national attention, and is now being investigated by a General, is taking what I affectionately refer to as "lower-enlisted fuckery" too far.
Let's get one thing straight. This was in the schoolhouse. The transfer case was part of training materials. These troops do not participate in the transfer of remains from overseas, and probably never will (their MOS does not regularly do that). There were no dead troops anywhere near, because they were NOWHERE NEAR Dover. These are not the guys who lost the pieces of soldiers' remains, or dumped ashes in a landfill. These are trainees, playing a joke, with their own lab equipment.
You know, if you saw the picture of me and my classmates with dummy M-16's (remember when weapons were full sized?) by the sump tank in our soils and materials lab, with the phrase "Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap." scrawled across the top, you probably would think it looked screwed up, too... and it does. It was our joke, though, lower-enlisted fuckery. We weren't allowed to say the word "dirt" in the soils and materials lab, and the team who said it the most had to clean the disgusting sump tank at the back of the lab... and well, we all like AC/DC, so we sang "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" while cleaning the sump tank, and well... we had some dummy M-16's, and thought it was funny for our friends to stand guard with them. See how STUPID this is? I guarantee the picture of the dude chained up in a transfer case was every bit that idiotic... and no more malicious. Again, I'm SO glad there was no electronic paper trail when I was a soldier. I, along with most of my friends, would have been completely screwed.
I guess there are two morals to this story. First of all, troops, that thing they say in basic about it being all about perception is as true as it ever was. The difference is that now, you can't hide from it as much. About the only place you will have any privacy, or freedom from scrutiny from higher-higher, is behind the locked door of the latrine, and even that is questionable. Second, I think higher needs to remember that this stuff has always gone on, whether they've seen it or not, and really think about what, if anything, was harmed by whatever the thing in question was, before staging large scale investigations into the same variety of lower-enlisted idiocy that has always existed.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Some pics from today
These pics are kinda small because I snagged them from where they were posted, but you get the idea. Some people from post took pics in bellydance class this morning, just to kind of show the types of activities that we have here (I mean, really, what other Army post do you know that regularly has tribal bellydancing in the housing office?) and me and Orren were in some of them. Chai is actually behind me and to my right just a bit, playing on his blanket. Orren's little friend Hudson is there, too, but he's not in these exact pics. His mommy, who is a wonderful friend of mine, is to my left, in the white skirt. But yeah, this is what we do every Tuesday for the past few months. We love it.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Ah, but to dance...
We got a new venue for belly dancing. It's in the housing office on post, which is a rather funny place to belly dance if you really think about it, but hey, we're not picky. We're also trying to get booked to dance at the weekly Friday night event at the PX. It should be really fun. I hope we get booked soon! I also hope that Thak's firm will consent to leaving him in El Paso for the 3 weeks that the rest of his class goes to Utah to do stuff that he already is certified to do. I would love it if he were at my first show! If he isn't, though, that's ok. I'll have somebody take video and pics, and he can see it that way. I'll have to bring a non-dancing friend with me anyway to play with Erin and Orren and hold Chai for me while I dance. I can think of a few who would probably do that for us, so it shouldn't be an issue.
Anyway, yesterday was freezing cold, and felt like a good day to stand out against the snow by going a little darker, in all black with a little red. (Even though I look better in green, I've been favoring red lately because the other girls I dance with wear a lot of warmer colors). Plus, I just love this long sleeved velour choli top that I just got! (No worries... it wasn't expensive. I traded for it.) It's just perfect for colder weather!
And hey, forgive all the crap in the background of the pic, and the fact that I'm like half in it. Taking self-pics is not easy! ;)
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Yet another way for people to support people who don't need it.
Click this.
Provide diapers to military families in need. ARE YOU HIGH?!! How long is it going to take the nation to realize that the military is better off than most of the non-military people out there, and that IF a military family is "in need", it's probably because they were stupid with their money (this is incredibly common, rampant, even), and is that really the kind of thing we should be rewarding? No. No it's not.
I also would like you to click here<--- THAT, my friends, is a military pay chart for all enlisted ranks. This is just base pay. It does not count housing allowance, which every soldier with dependents receives. It also does not include food allowance, which again, every soldier who doesn't carry a meal card, receives. Food allowance tacks on an extra $300 a month, and housing allowance varies by location and rank, but let's call it an even $1000, just to be conservative. So each number in that chart, add $1300 (tax free) to it, and you've got what those people are actually taking home in a month.
Sure, for some of the lower ranks, it doesn't seem like much, but when you consider the credentials of the people filling those ranks, you see that it's actually a lot better than they'd do anywhere else. Like, an E1, the lowest of the low, a rank nobody stays in for more than 6 months (no, really, they automatically get promoted after 6 months of service) is bringing home a good $2700 a month. When you consider that your average E1 is about 18 years old, without a single day of college, sometimes a GED instead of a diploma, and not always the best scores on the aptitude tests, that's pretty good pay. Again, that's also only for the first 6 months. After that, it only goes up.
Now, add to this, that a lot of soldiers don't even get married until they hit about E3 or E4 (Thak was an E5 when we got married), and most don't have kids until after they're married. I'd say the majority of births are to people in ranks E3 through E6 and on the Officer side, Lieutenants and Captains. So you figure what these people are actually making. They're hardly destitute.
But circumstances! Those could screw up finances! What if there was an illness in the family?! There's this magical thing called Tricare. It's free medical, what the rest of the nation wishes they had. The military has it, and bitches about it nonstop. You can get as sick as you want, and you won't pay a dime for your care. With other emergencies, Uncle Sam is the owner of 1000 safety nets. Soldiers really don't have to pay for much that comes up.
I maintain that any soldier who is "in need", got there by their own stupidity. I can say this from experience. Our financial situation used to be ridiculous because Thak was paying a crazy amount of alimony to his ex-wife. That was due to his own stupidity. What kind of fool marries someone they'd only known a couple months? Thak, at age 25, that's who. He'll tell you it was stupid. He tells everybody not to do stuff like that because of how stupid it was, and how much it screwed things up for him, and for us, for years. It's stuff like that, which lands soldiers in a bad financial situation, NOT the fact that they're not paid enough.
Of course, if you want to donate to things that give free stuff to military people, that's fine. It's your money, your choice, a free country, and all that other jazz. I'm just telling you, the people you're donating to are probably making more in a year than you are. Isn't that crazy to think about?
Provide diapers to military families in need. ARE YOU HIGH?!! How long is it going to take the nation to realize that the military is better off than most of the non-military people out there, and that IF a military family is "in need", it's probably because they were stupid with their money (this is incredibly common, rampant, even), and is that really the kind of thing we should be rewarding? No. No it's not.
I also would like you to click here<--- THAT, my friends, is a military pay chart for all enlisted ranks. This is just base pay. It does not count housing allowance, which every soldier with dependents receives. It also does not include food allowance, which again, every soldier who doesn't carry a meal card, receives. Food allowance tacks on an extra $300 a month, and housing allowance varies by location and rank, but let's call it an even $1000, just to be conservative. So each number in that chart, add $1300 (tax free) to it, and you've got what those people are actually taking home in a month.
Sure, for some of the lower ranks, it doesn't seem like much, but when you consider the credentials of the people filling those ranks, you see that it's actually a lot better than they'd do anywhere else. Like, an E1, the lowest of the low, a rank nobody stays in for more than 6 months (no, really, they automatically get promoted after 6 months of service) is bringing home a good $2700 a month. When you consider that your average E1 is about 18 years old, without a single day of college, sometimes a GED instead of a diploma, and not always the best scores on the aptitude tests, that's pretty good pay. Again, that's also only for the first 6 months. After that, it only goes up.
Now, add to this, that a lot of soldiers don't even get married until they hit about E3 or E4 (Thak was an E5 when we got married), and most don't have kids until after they're married. I'd say the majority of births are to people in ranks E3 through E6 and on the Officer side, Lieutenants and Captains. So you figure what these people are actually making. They're hardly destitute.
But circumstances! Those could screw up finances! What if there was an illness in the family?! There's this magical thing called Tricare. It's free medical, what the rest of the nation wishes they had. The military has it, and bitches about it nonstop. You can get as sick as you want, and you won't pay a dime for your care. With other emergencies, Uncle Sam is the owner of 1000 safety nets. Soldiers really don't have to pay for much that comes up.
I maintain that any soldier who is "in need", got there by their own stupidity. I can say this from experience. Our financial situation used to be ridiculous because Thak was paying a crazy amount of alimony to his ex-wife. That was due to his own stupidity. What kind of fool marries someone they'd only known a couple months? Thak, at age 25, that's who. He'll tell you it was stupid. He tells everybody not to do stuff like that because of how stupid it was, and how much it screwed things up for him, and for us, for years. It's stuff like that, which lands soldiers in a bad financial situation, NOT the fact that they're not paid enough.
Of course, if you want to donate to things that give free stuff to military people, that's fine. It's your money, your choice, a free country, and all that other jazz. I'm just telling you, the people you're donating to are probably making more in a year than you are. Isn't that crazy to think about?
Sunday, December 4, 2011
It's a whale.
Orren is a wonderful artist! He painted this with watercolors. It's a whale, but I know you can tell that already.
Friday, December 2, 2011
When a handout just isn't enough
Every year, Sears does this Heroes at Home program, which is basically where they ask the nation to donate money, and then divide that money up into gift cards that are given to military families who register. They take a finite number of registrations, so some get in, and some don't. It used to be that it was only for pay grades E5 and below. Then a bunch of people raised hell over it, and last year, it was opened to all ranks. This received mixed reviews, of course. There is also some degree of stink raised every year because single soldiers are able to register, and people figure this should be restricted to those with families. As everyone knows, single soldiers have nothing to live for, nobody to buy gifts for, and nothing better to do than to fill in for their married counterparts on holiday duty. It all comes down to the fact that even though easily 75% of military people claim to be Republicans, they're nearly all Socialists or Communists in practice. They want everything for free because they need it more than the other guy.
The first year, the gift cards totaled like $300 per person. It was to the point that a lot of people just counted on getting the cards, and didn't even save up anything to Christmas shop for their kids on their own the following year, because they just figured they'd get hundreds of dollars in free holiday cash, and have no worries. The following year, the cards totaled about $150. Cue mass freak-out. This year, the cards were $55. Nobody can say enough about how much it sucks.
Dude... First of all, that's free money. You didn't work for it, or sell something to get it, or in any way whatsoever exchange goods or services for this money. It is like finding money on the street. Therefore, bitching about how much it is, kind of sucks. Like, seriously?
What's more, it is 100% based on donations. News flash, military folks! The rest of the country is in pretty bad shape financially. In fact, most of the people who donated to this thing probably make less money than you do. The fact that the general public still hasn't gotten the memo that the military is getting fat while the rest of the country starves, is the truly astounding part. If the truth about this stuff became common knowledge tomorrow, there would not be a program like this at all, because people would figure they're already helping military families enough through their tax dollars, which is pretty much the truth.
Basically, this program still exists this year. My bet is that it won't next year for two reasons. First, donations have steadily gone down every year. By next year, there won't be enough donations to make it worth the trouble of running the program. Then second, and at least as important, we have the fact that the military families have gotten so ugly about this program every year, acting like they're entitled to it, and when it's not as much as the previous year, flipping out about how it's not enough. If I were Sears, I would have stopped it a year ago. I do think they will stop it next year. Pretty much, just enjoy the free money while it lasts, because shockingly, they don't HAVE to do this.
The first year, the gift cards totaled like $300 per person. It was to the point that a lot of people just counted on getting the cards, and didn't even save up anything to Christmas shop for their kids on their own the following year, because they just figured they'd get hundreds of dollars in free holiday cash, and have no worries. The following year, the cards totaled about $150. Cue mass freak-out. This year, the cards were $55. Nobody can say enough about how much it sucks.
Dude... First of all, that's free money. You didn't work for it, or sell something to get it, or in any way whatsoever exchange goods or services for this money. It is like finding money on the street. Therefore, bitching about how much it is, kind of sucks. Like, seriously?
What's more, it is 100% based on donations. News flash, military folks! The rest of the country is in pretty bad shape financially. In fact, most of the people who donated to this thing probably make less money than you do. The fact that the general public still hasn't gotten the memo that the military is getting fat while the rest of the country starves, is the truly astounding part. If the truth about this stuff became common knowledge tomorrow, there would not be a program like this at all, because people would figure they're already helping military families enough through their tax dollars, which is pretty much the truth.
Basically, this program still exists this year. My bet is that it won't next year for two reasons. First, donations have steadily gone down every year. By next year, there won't be enough donations to make it worth the trouble of running the program. Then second, and at least as important, we have the fact that the military families have gotten so ugly about this program every year, acting like they're entitled to it, and when it's not as much as the previous year, flipping out about how it's not enough. If I were Sears, I would have stopped it a year ago. I do think they will stop it next year. Pretty much, just enjoy the free money while it lasts, because shockingly, they don't HAVE to do this.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
And that's my Bebe Chai!
Have you seen my Bebe Chai? He's adorable. I mean, really, they just don't make babies any cuter than this one. So anyhow, here are two pictures of my Bebe Chai as a 6-month-old. One is where he is eating bananas for breakfast on his half birthday, and the other is him rolling around on the floor naked after his bath. In both, he is totally delightful, because he is my sweet Bebe Chai.
I enjoy every single day with him, because he is my last baby, and I will never have anybody his age again. He is my sweet, awesome, wonderful, and adorable Bebe Chai, and doesn't he look JUST like his daddy?
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