We have decided, once and for all, that we are not finding out if this baby is a boy or a girl. We're tired of being pestered about it, of the rest of the world caring a whole lot more about it than we do, and of having to report that we have no new news on it nearly every day. It simplifies our life a lot to simply not find out. It's an easy answer. People can stop waiting for a big announcement. There won't be one until summer, when the baby is born. Then you can find out the gender along with the birth date, weight, and all the juicy labor details. There will be ONE announcement. That will be all.
There are too many signs that show us that we're just not supposed to find out this time. The fact that the crib bedding set we absolutely fell in love with is gender-neutral, the fact that when we tried to find out what the baby is, we couldn't, the fact that we already have a whole stash of gender-neutral diapers, baby gear, and clothes for both genders.... Plus, most importantly, the fact that neither of us really cares at all about finding out. We realized that we were just going along with what people expected us to do, and honestly, we'd come to resent the people who more or less pushed us into it, and are glad that the baby did not cooperate last time. We're just meant to have a surprise baby this time, and that's ok.
Thak thought for a little while that it made more financial sense to find out, but when he realized that it really didn't, he definitely didn't want to either. Sure, we do lack girl clothes in sizes up to 12 months, but those are easy to buy afterward. We'll buy a few gender-neutral newborn outfits, and save enough money in an envelope to buy a year's worth of girl clothes should it be necessary, and go from there. It's not any cheaper to find out than it is to wait, especially when you consider that we seriously have next to nothing to buy, no matter what the baby is. We have absolutely nothing to buy if it's a boy, and a few clothes if it's a girl. That's hardly starting from scratch.
So there you have it. We aren't finding out! It's a baby! Team Green! You'll find out this summer.... and so will we! It's as if a giant weight has been lifted.
Monday, January 31, 2011
The REAL story, the dirt on all this, and everything like that.
So since there are some people who can't just let something be good, and leave it at that, I'm explaining this. Thak signed his final Reserve contract today. Me and Orren stood beside him as he took his Oath of Enlistment for the last time, given by a Reservist Colonel in civilian clothes. It was very simple, quick, and easy.... nothing like when young soldiers enlist. I imagine that only the wording and the patch on his left sleeve will be different in two years when we go back for his retirement ceremony. It kind of felt like we were slipping out the back door of the Active Duty component, and quietly finding our place in the Reserves, but if you know Thak, that fits him.
Do we really WANT to do the Reserve thing now? Well, to be honest, no. We'd rather just be free. We do it because it is a smarter decision than not doing it, and it's really not asking too much of us. We will give them one weekend a month, during which Thak will drill just several miles from our house and still be home every night. Then we will give them two weeks during the summer, for which he may be local (and would come home every night) or they may send him anywhere in the nation, but it is only for two weeks. His job is as a mechanic instructor. Chances are, during the summer, they will send him to Virginia to help train new enlistees in AIT, or they may send him anywhere else in the nation to conduct on-site training for Reservist mechanics who are reclassing from other jobs. So we give two weeks per year for that.
We don't really want to give up two weeks per year, but we get a lot in return. We keep all our military benefits for these years when he is in the Reserves. Also, for the first two years he is in the Reserves, he is absolutely non-deployable. If he signs more, he will be deployable, but this job never deploys. He probably won't sign more, but like with everything else, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. During the two weeks of the year that he is away training soldiers, he will be paid the same amount he is paid now, which is more than he will be making at his civilian job, so it is good for us financially. More than that, when he turns 60, he will receive a very nice pension, and we will get our full benefits back, just as if he had served 20 years Active Duty. It is two years now, to secure our future later, and it is a wise choice. While we'd rather just be free of it all, I'm glad he's doing this for us.
I will say, though, that certain people need to shut up. Why do people always feel the need to greet halfway decent news with an attempt to scare you or make you regret ever choosing what you chose? That's so mean. I get it. Some Reserve and NG units do a lot of crazy stuff, tons of training, and all sorts of other stuff. That is not the type of unit Thak has joined, so no, telling me he's going to be gone all the time is not correct, and yes, it is just plain rude. We wouldn't have ever taken this on without first talking with people who are with that unit, in that very job, and really getting the dirt on it. Yes, it is a little kushier than a lot of Reserve jobs, and to that, I will simply say, rank has its privileges. This job is only open to those who are ready to make Sergeant First Class, or who are already. Thak's busted his ass since he was 17 years old (so literally, over half his life) to get to that point, and we're totally NOT sorry that he has landed a very good Reserve job. Even if it was the worst Reserve job in the world, it's only for two years until he can retire. You don't have to be happy for us, but you also don't have to be mean.
So while I was very surprised by that reaction, I am trying to brush it off and just be ok with what we just did. It could certainly be a lot worse.
What should I wear to his retirement ceremony? We've only got two years. ;-)
Do we really WANT to do the Reserve thing now? Well, to be honest, no. We'd rather just be free. We do it because it is a smarter decision than not doing it, and it's really not asking too much of us. We will give them one weekend a month, during which Thak will drill just several miles from our house and still be home every night. Then we will give them two weeks during the summer, for which he may be local (and would come home every night) or they may send him anywhere in the nation, but it is only for two weeks. His job is as a mechanic instructor. Chances are, during the summer, they will send him to Virginia to help train new enlistees in AIT, or they may send him anywhere else in the nation to conduct on-site training for Reservist mechanics who are reclassing from other jobs. So we give two weeks per year for that.
We don't really want to give up two weeks per year, but we get a lot in return. We keep all our military benefits for these years when he is in the Reserves. Also, for the first two years he is in the Reserves, he is absolutely non-deployable. If he signs more, he will be deployable, but this job never deploys. He probably won't sign more, but like with everything else, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. During the two weeks of the year that he is away training soldiers, he will be paid the same amount he is paid now, which is more than he will be making at his civilian job, so it is good for us financially. More than that, when he turns 60, he will receive a very nice pension, and we will get our full benefits back, just as if he had served 20 years Active Duty. It is two years now, to secure our future later, and it is a wise choice. While we'd rather just be free of it all, I'm glad he's doing this for us.
I will say, though, that certain people need to shut up. Why do people always feel the need to greet halfway decent news with an attempt to scare you or make you regret ever choosing what you chose? That's so mean. I get it. Some Reserve and NG units do a lot of crazy stuff, tons of training, and all sorts of other stuff. That is not the type of unit Thak has joined, so no, telling me he's going to be gone all the time is not correct, and yes, it is just plain rude. We wouldn't have ever taken this on without first talking with people who are with that unit, in that very job, and really getting the dirt on it. Yes, it is a little kushier than a lot of Reserve jobs, and to that, I will simply say, rank has its privileges. This job is only open to those who are ready to make Sergeant First Class, or who are already. Thak's busted his ass since he was 17 years old (so literally, over half his life) to get to that point, and we're totally NOT sorry that he has landed a very good Reserve job. Even if it was the worst Reserve job in the world, it's only for two years until he can retire. You don't have to be happy for us, but you also don't have to be mean.
So while I was very surprised by that reaction, I am trying to brush it off and just be ok with what we just did. It could certainly be a lot worse.
What should I wear to his retirement ceremony? We've only got two years. ;-)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Ethnic vs Intentionally Misspelled
Naming. Does this controversy ever end for today's parents? No, I don't think it does. I'm all for uncommon names, to be honest. I cannot think of a single reason beyond family connection to name a kid a ridiculously common name like John or Jane. I also think anyone who chooses a name straight off the top 20 popular names list for any recent year, for any reason other than family connection, is a bit of a glutton for punishment. However, these ridiculously common names, or ridiculously trendy names aren't actually bad at all. The only thing that's truly bad, if you ask me, is an intentionally misspelled name. Name your kid whatever you want, but spell it right.
Here's the thing. If you use a "creative" spelling, everyone is going to spell the kid's name wrong as long as they live. They'll spend their entire life explaining that no, it isn't a typo. Some of these names that people come up with are not the super asinine forms that are ten miles long and full of g's, h's and ee's, but just have an extra letter thrown in or a single letter substitution, making them look even more like typos! Chloey, Willoe, Penelopie... These poor kids are going to spend their entire lives explaining that, yes, that really is how you spell it. Why do parents do this?
I was told recently that I'm no better for my next baby's Thai first name. I say that's an interesting assertion, but it's not the same thing. Someone with an ethnic name, when asked about it, has a simple response. In this case, he/she would just say, "It's a Thai name." and it'll make perfect sense since they're part Thai. That explanation is a hell of a lot better than, "My parents can't spell."
Sometimes, they way people go about naming their kids, I honestly wonder if some of them wouldn't have been better off to get a dog instead. You can name a dog anything you want, and they won't care. I don't think their doggy buddies will give them trouble over the weird-ass way their owner spelled Sparky (Spaerkeigh? Spaarkee?). A dog won't ever have to write this abomination on a campaign sign while running for public office, or put it at the top of a resume, or a medical school application. Studies show that applicants with messed up names aren't given as many opportunities as applicants with real names. A dog doesn't have that issue since they don't have jobs. So yeah, I seriously think it would be better for people who think intentional misspellings are valid naming options, to just get a dog until they get the misspelled name bug out of their system. The local animal shelter will surely thank you.
Here's the thing. If you use a "creative" spelling, everyone is going to spell the kid's name wrong as long as they live. They'll spend their entire life explaining that no, it isn't a typo. Some of these names that people come up with are not the super asinine forms that are ten miles long and full of g's, h's and ee's, but just have an extra letter thrown in or a single letter substitution, making them look even more like typos! Chloey, Willoe, Penelopie... These poor kids are going to spend their entire lives explaining that, yes, that really is how you spell it. Why do parents do this?
I was told recently that I'm no better for my next baby's Thai first name. I say that's an interesting assertion, but it's not the same thing. Someone with an ethnic name, when asked about it, has a simple response. In this case, he/she would just say, "It's a Thai name." and it'll make perfect sense since they're part Thai. That explanation is a hell of a lot better than, "My parents can't spell."
Sometimes, they way people go about naming their kids, I honestly wonder if some of them wouldn't have been better off to get a dog instead. You can name a dog anything you want, and they won't care. I don't think their doggy buddies will give them trouble over the weird-ass way their owner spelled Sparky (Spaerkeigh? Spaarkee?). A dog won't ever have to write this abomination on a campaign sign while running for public office, or put it at the top of a resume, or a medical school application. Studies show that applicants with messed up names aren't given as many opportunities as applicants with real names. A dog doesn't have that issue since they don't have jobs. So yeah, I seriously think it would be better for people who think intentional misspellings are valid naming options, to just get a dog until they get the misspelled name bug out of their system. The local animal shelter will surely thank you.
Friday, January 28, 2011
I'm going to go ahead and take that as a compliment.
THE funniest thing happened yesterday. I'm still laughing about it. It was hilarious. I'm half amused, half flattered, and my friends and I have a hot new inside joke for the rest of our lives. This was great.
I did what nobody should ever do, and got into a political discussion with an idiot. I blame my friend J. She started it by saying she likes the Obamas, and I said that me and Thak like the Obamas, too, and how I JUST BARELY missed going to the luncheon with Michelle at Ft. Stewart during the campaign (she had to cancel her trip to Ft. Stewart at the last minute). We also started talking about how some of the policy changes they have made are awesome. Honestly, we have the Obama administration to thank for the fact that Thak didn't get his contract involuntarily extended last week when the deployment orders came down. They are the ones who killed Stop Loss and replaced it with the new incentive program that Thak himself has implemented in his battalion over the past few days. It's wonderful, and we know who did this for us. We're not stupid. The Obama administration is helping soldiers who have done their part, and that's something I can really get behind. Well, this girl who is somewhat new here started talking the usual neo-con garbage, which J and I brushed off because we're smarter than that.
I was done with that conversation until that girl gave me a retort I could not resist. She goes, "Well, maybe you two will understand why ALL senior families hate the Obamas when you are part of senior families." My interest was piqued bigger than anything, and J said I got the evilest grin on my face. You can surely imagine. I said, "Out of curiosity, what's a senior family by your definition?" (This day and age, hard and fast definitions of most terms have mostly gone by the wayside, so it's best to ask people what they mean.) She went on to basically describe me and Thak. J couldn't resist. She goes, "Anna, doesn't Thak have about 18 years in? He joined in what, 1993, right?" and I said, "You're absolutely right, J. Thak has 18 years of service. I know he looks young for that. He was only 17 when he enlisted." By this time, J and I were trying to hold back the giggles, because it was just so funny! The neo-con girl had nothing. She goes, "Well, MOST senior families know how bad all of this is going to end up!" and again, we pointed her to the many examples of Colonels, Generals, Sergeants Major, and other very senior personnel we know of who most certainly do not believe that, and she soon shut up. It was so funny!
This was hilarious because it is FAR from the first time that I have been presumed too young to be a senior wife, and the things people say to me when they're under that assumption are extremely amusing. I'll take it as a compliment that I don't look like I could be a senior wife, and just enjoy pulling the card out and surprising people like this with it for as long as I can. I've got to admit, it is extremely amusing. Plus, now whenever anyone wants to do anything, or asks a question, "Just wait until you're a senior wife." is the perfect response.... and makes us giggle like school girls.
I did what nobody should ever do, and got into a political discussion with an idiot. I blame my friend J. She started it by saying she likes the Obamas, and I said that me and Thak like the Obamas, too, and how I JUST BARELY missed going to the luncheon with Michelle at Ft. Stewart during the campaign (she had to cancel her trip to Ft. Stewart at the last minute). We also started talking about how some of the policy changes they have made are awesome. Honestly, we have the Obama administration to thank for the fact that Thak didn't get his contract involuntarily extended last week when the deployment orders came down. They are the ones who killed Stop Loss and replaced it with the new incentive program that Thak himself has implemented in his battalion over the past few days. It's wonderful, and we know who did this for us. We're not stupid. The Obama administration is helping soldiers who have done their part, and that's something I can really get behind. Well, this girl who is somewhat new here started talking the usual neo-con garbage, which J and I brushed off because we're smarter than that.
I was done with that conversation until that girl gave me a retort I could not resist. She goes, "Well, maybe you two will understand why ALL senior families hate the Obamas when you are part of senior families." My interest was piqued bigger than anything, and J said I got the evilest grin on my face. You can surely imagine. I said, "Out of curiosity, what's a senior family by your definition?" (This day and age, hard and fast definitions of most terms have mostly gone by the wayside, so it's best to ask people what they mean.) She went on to basically describe me and Thak. J couldn't resist. She goes, "Anna, doesn't Thak have about 18 years in? He joined in what, 1993, right?" and I said, "You're absolutely right, J. Thak has 18 years of service. I know he looks young for that. He was only 17 when he enlisted." By this time, J and I were trying to hold back the giggles, because it was just so funny! The neo-con girl had nothing. She goes, "Well, MOST senior families know how bad all of this is going to end up!" and again, we pointed her to the many examples of Colonels, Generals, Sergeants Major, and other very senior personnel we know of who most certainly do not believe that, and she soon shut up. It was so funny!
This was hilarious because it is FAR from the first time that I have been presumed too young to be a senior wife, and the things people say to me when they're under that assumption are extremely amusing. I'll take it as a compliment that I don't look like I could be a senior wife, and just enjoy pulling the card out and surprising people like this with it for as long as I can. I've got to admit, it is extremely amusing. Plus, now whenever anyone wants to do anything, or asks a question, "Just wait until you're a senior wife." is the perfect response.... and makes us giggle like school girls.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Common sense
This is stuff you should already know, but some people need to be told anyway.
1) Talking bad in public about your husband's battalion (company, platoon, brigade, etc) will always come back, and will never reflect well.
2) Those mean old NCO's get their way for a reason. Do you honestly think they were treated any better when they were new? Similarly, do you think they tried to get people in trouble for treating them like lower-enlisted soldiers when they were lower-enlisted soldiers?
3) The Army never claimed to be family-friendly. Where do people keep getting this idea? By what stretch of the imagination would something that sends at least one, sometimes both, parents away for a year at a time, repeatedly, be considered family-friendly?
4) You are what you marry.
5) It really doesn't affect you if your neighbor is cheating on her deployed husband. Ratting her out to the chain of command really only makes you look nosy.
6) Yes, a lot of people's marriages are train wrecks. No, they do not want your commentary on it. Also, what you think is vital to a good marriage may not be important to everyone. Remember that although we all live under a microscope, especially those who live on post, we are still all individuals.
7) Everybody gossips. This is only a problem when a person acts like they're friends with someone, and then talks bad about them when they're not around. As long as they don't put up any false fronts, it's harmless. Just admit it. You do it, too.
8) At the same time, the mature thing to do when dealing with people you don't like, is to be cordial, and find your way out of the situation at your nearest convenience. This does not equate being two-faced. This is called being an adult.
9) If you are not currently a soldier, stay out of soldier business.
10) The Chain of Command does not exist for your convenience. They will help you because they are required to do so to some degree, but only ever use this in life or death emergencies.
11) This is no place for control freak wives. Your husband will need to deal with most things. Not trusting him to do this will make him (and therefore you) look bad.
12) What you do at one duty station will follow you to your next, and the one after that, and the one after that. The higher your husband is in rank, the more your reputation will precede you.
13) There comes a time to walk away, retire, be done. This usually comes at about 20 years, give or take 3, but the surest cue of it is that you start to hate absolutely everything about the new Army from your perspective. These are the crusty senior wives who snip at the new ones and tell them how they never would have survived 20 years ago. These are the leaders who think every new one they're given is a piece of garbage because training isn't what it used to be. If the whole Army has started to suck, it's you. Just realize it's time to go, and find the door that applies to you. There's no shame in it. My own husband has just reached that point at 18 years of service, so I know this well. I also know a lot of people it applies to who haven't gotten the memo, as we have, that it's time to move on.
14) The closer to the Command Suite you are, the better your information. Along with this one, always consider the source.
15) Nobody's going to ever love your favorite duty station (especially if it's your hometown) as much as you do, and nobody likes it rammed down their throats. On the other side, nobody likes the person who complains constantly about how bad the duty station is.
16) You can either pretend to know everything, and get lost big time, or you can learn from the ones who have been there and done that.
17) When you get corrected by senior personnel, smile, go along with what's being said, and make a mental note not to do it again. Don't make excuses. It is more respected to fix your mistake without giving anyone a hard time, than it is to try to justify it.
18) There is no one right way to do a deployment. As long as someone is doing their honest best, and not making horrible decisions (blowing money, cheating, doing drugs, etc), then they are doing it right. It doesn't have to work for you. You're not the one living with it.
19) It is really poor form to tell someone that her husband is going to cheat on her if she doesn't do X, Y, or Z. For one, how would you know? For another, even if he does, let her figure that out on her own.
20) Your family's concerns are not more important than anyone else's family concerns. Men deploy all the time, leaving behind wives with extremely high-risk pregnancies, children with innumerable medical conditions, and tenuous housing situations. Your situation is not unique, and the Army probably isn't interested. (See #3.)
21) The Army has no say in where or how you give birth. Your bank account may, but there's no such thing as "not allowed" because of the Army.
22) Rank has its privileges. However, those privileges come at a cost.
23) AAFES is totally trying to make money off you, but the conspiracy theories about price gouging at payday are kind of ridiculous.
24) It (whatever "it" may be this time) absolutely CAN happen to you.
25) And finally, it's all temporary. Even 18 years go by in a flash. Ask Thak if you don't take my word for it.
1) Talking bad in public about your husband's battalion (company, platoon, brigade, etc) will always come back, and will never reflect well.
2) Those mean old NCO's get their way for a reason. Do you honestly think they were treated any better when they were new? Similarly, do you think they tried to get people in trouble for treating them like lower-enlisted soldiers when they were lower-enlisted soldiers?
3) The Army never claimed to be family-friendly. Where do people keep getting this idea? By what stretch of the imagination would something that sends at least one, sometimes both, parents away for a year at a time, repeatedly, be considered family-friendly?
4) You are what you marry.
5) It really doesn't affect you if your neighbor is cheating on her deployed husband. Ratting her out to the chain of command really only makes you look nosy.
6) Yes, a lot of people's marriages are train wrecks. No, they do not want your commentary on it. Also, what you think is vital to a good marriage may not be important to everyone. Remember that although we all live under a microscope, especially those who live on post, we are still all individuals.
7) Everybody gossips. This is only a problem when a person acts like they're friends with someone, and then talks bad about them when they're not around. As long as they don't put up any false fronts, it's harmless. Just admit it. You do it, too.
8) At the same time, the mature thing to do when dealing with people you don't like, is to be cordial, and find your way out of the situation at your nearest convenience. This does not equate being two-faced. This is called being an adult.
9) If you are not currently a soldier, stay out of soldier business.
10) The Chain of Command does not exist for your convenience. They will help you because they are required to do so to some degree, but only ever use this in life or death emergencies.
11) This is no place for control freak wives. Your husband will need to deal with most things. Not trusting him to do this will make him (and therefore you) look bad.
12) What you do at one duty station will follow you to your next, and the one after that, and the one after that. The higher your husband is in rank, the more your reputation will precede you.
13) There comes a time to walk away, retire, be done. This usually comes at about 20 years, give or take 3, but the surest cue of it is that you start to hate absolutely everything about the new Army from your perspective. These are the crusty senior wives who snip at the new ones and tell them how they never would have survived 20 years ago. These are the leaders who think every new one they're given is a piece of garbage because training isn't what it used to be. If the whole Army has started to suck, it's you. Just realize it's time to go, and find the door that applies to you. There's no shame in it. My own husband has just reached that point at 18 years of service, so I know this well. I also know a lot of people it applies to who haven't gotten the memo, as we have, that it's time to move on.
14) The closer to the Command Suite you are, the better your information. Along with this one, always consider the source.
15) Nobody's going to ever love your favorite duty station (especially if it's your hometown) as much as you do, and nobody likes it rammed down their throats. On the other side, nobody likes the person who complains constantly about how bad the duty station is.
16) You can either pretend to know everything, and get lost big time, or you can learn from the ones who have been there and done that.
17) When you get corrected by senior personnel, smile, go along with what's being said, and make a mental note not to do it again. Don't make excuses. It is more respected to fix your mistake without giving anyone a hard time, than it is to try to justify it.
18) There is no one right way to do a deployment. As long as someone is doing their honest best, and not making horrible decisions (blowing money, cheating, doing drugs, etc), then they are doing it right. It doesn't have to work for you. You're not the one living with it.
19) It is really poor form to tell someone that her husband is going to cheat on her if she doesn't do X, Y, or Z. For one, how would you know? For another, even if he does, let her figure that out on her own.
20) Your family's concerns are not more important than anyone else's family concerns. Men deploy all the time, leaving behind wives with extremely high-risk pregnancies, children with innumerable medical conditions, and tenuous housing situations. Your situation is not unique, and the Army probably isn't interested. (See #3.)
21) The Army has no say in where or how you give birth. Your bank account may, but there's no such thing as "not allowed" because of the Army.
22) Rank has its privileges. However, those privileges come at a cost.
23) AAFES is totally trying to make money off you, but the conspiracy theories about price gouging at payday are kind of ridiculous.
24) It (whatever "it" may be this time) absolutely CAN happen to you.
25) And finally, it's all temporary. Even 18 years go by in a flash. Ask Thak if you don't take my word for it.
Dude, what's the payoff for that?
People love to have stuff wrong with them, and I'm dying to know why. I don't get it. I don't want anything to be wrong with me. I love the fact that the most serious illness I've ever been afflicted with is chicken pox (or possibly mono? Those two are kind of on a par with one another in severity, or lack of.). I love the fact that I don't wear glasses, or have any lingering physical injuries, and that the last time I took prescription medication was about five years ago, and it was only for a few days. I love being healthy. I don't think I'm genetically superior to other people, so I wager that pretty much everyone my age is generally healthy, too. Why, then, do so many people insist that so much is so wrong with them? Where's the fun in that? It seems like a favorite pass time of military dependents, and even soldiers. I just don't understand it.
It seems like everyone is always talking about how much stuff they have wrong with them, and how much stuff their kids have wrong with them, and spending hours and hours in the ER on a weekly basis. It almost seems like the mentality is, "I've got insurance, and by god, I intend to use it!!" My friend S is a doctor's wife, and she said that according to her husband, people are overusing the medical system a lot. He sees soldiers and dependents for routine things, but he also has had to take a weekend shift in the ER every week because the ER is so crowded with people who just have to be seen NOW for something really stupid. I've set foot in an ER 4 times n my life, and all 4, I was with someone who needed stitches. S's husband said THAT'S what ER doctors expect to see. They expect to see a lot of stitches, a lot of broken bones, stuff like that. That's what ER's are for. Here, it's different, though. He said in his weekend ER shifts, over 70% of the patients he sees, are there for things that they should have waited until Monday and gone to the regular doctor for, or nothing at all is wrong with them, or it's something that can be managed by over the counter medication (allergies and such). It's ridiculous how much military people go to the doctor. This is something that even our current presidential administration has noticed, which is why they've proposed copays for all military dependents. I thought that was a good idea because it would cut down on these frivolous trips to the doctor.
I just don't know what people get out of this. I hate going to the doctor. It generally would mean I am sick, or going to get blood drawn, or a shot, or something nasty like that. Why would anyone like going to the doctor? I mean, I understand it if you're a kid, and you get a sticker or something, but as an adult, where's the payoff? I know there's not a military doctor on the planet who hands out lollypops to adult patients, so that can't be it. There is something these people like about being infirm, and I have no idea what that could be. Where's the fun in being sick? I hate even having a cold because I don't feel 100%! Wouldn't people in general want to just be ok?
It seems like everyone is always talking about how much stuff they have wrong with them, and how much stuff their kids have wrong with them, and spending hours and hours in the ER on a weekly basis. It almost seems like the mentality is, "I've got insurance, and by god, I intend to use it!!" My friend S is a doctor's wife, and she said that according to her husband, people are overusing the medical system a lot. He sees soldiers and dependents for routine things, but he also has had to take a weekend shift in the ER every week because the ER is so crowded with people who just have to be seen NOW for something really stupid. I've set foot in an ER 4 times n my life, and all 4, I was with someone who needed stitches. S's husband said THAT'S what ER doctors expect to see. They expect to see a lot of stitches, a lot of broken bones, stuff like that. That's what ER's are for. Here, it's different, though. He said in his weekend ER shifts, over 70% of the patients he sees, are there for things that they should have waited until Monday and gone to the regular doctor for, or nothing at all is wrong with them, or it's something that can be managed by over the counter medication (allergies and such). It's ridiculous how much military people go to the doctor. This is something that even our current presidential administration has noticed, which is why they've proposed copays for all military dependents. I thought that was a good idea because it would cut down on these frivolous trips to the doctor.
I just don't know what people get out of this. I hate going to the doctor. It generally would mean I am sick, or going to get blood drawn, or a shot, or something nasty like that. Why would anyone like going to the doctor? I mean, I understand it if you're a kid, and you get a sticker or something, but as an adult, where's the payoff? I know there's not a military doctor on the planet who hands out lollypops to adult patients, so that can't be it. There is something these people like about being infirm, and I have no idea what that could be. Where's the fun in being sick? I hate even having a cold because I don't feel 100%! Wouldn't people in general want to just be ok?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
He's a rockstar!
Here is a certain little studmuffin showing off his new zebra print diaper. It is made of Minky, which is the softest most wonderful material ever, and I can't believe it took us two years to get our first Minky diaper. This one is from the Blueberry brand, and is actually what I had wanted when I bought all our Bum Genius diapers. The price tag is what kept me away back then, but back then, I didn't know about the clearance sale! This one is supposedly a second, but I have absolutely no idea why. It's perfect. I paid $12 for it, so less than a Bum Genius, and with Chaiyokit on the way, I'll get my money's worth. This will not be our last Minky!! Orren absolutely loves it. He couldn't stop petting it when I put it on him, and he said, "Ooooooh niiiiice" when he felt how soft it was. He is so cute.
Oh, but our next purchase will not be more Minky. It will be the zoo animal themed training pants (also from Blueberry) that this little boy picked out for himself. He now asks to go to the potty sometimes, although he doesn't do anything when he gets there. It's only a matter of time before he will be potty trained, so this will be one of the very few times he ever wears this zebra print diaper, and that's ok. My little boy is getting so big!
We're not in Georgia anymore.
I'll tell you, in the week these deployment orders have come out, anyone who's ever been on Ft. Stewart at a time like this must appreciate that assignment on a whole new level. We sure do. Those orders don't affect us since Thak is getting out so soon, but the craziness around them has affected the entire brigade. I've never seen anything like it in my life, and I know more about deployments than I want to, so that's saying something.
First of all, I have no idea why they're starting the meetings and briefings so early here. The deployment is still most of a year away. Honestly, if this were Ft. Stewart, we barely got that much time between deployments, so the guys would have literally just gotten back from one, and received orders just before that for the next. We NEVER started all this BS until a few weeks before they left. I just can't understand why some of the commanders here are dragging this thing out for so long. The ONLY reason anyone should even think about a deployment that is this far away is if they are considering trying for a baby. If that were the case, they would need to figure out if they're ok with birthing alone should the date move up, or they not conceive immediately. Beyond that, there is NO reason to even let a deployment this far away into your life. It's an eternity in Army time. Why ruin a year over it? The deployment itself already pretty sufficiently ruins a year. Why let it have two? That's just sadistic.
I am also really unimpressed with the wives in general. I have never seen such an uninformed group in my life. I honestly believe that every wife should know what unit her husband is in, and should always ascertain where information came from before passing it along. If every one of them would do these two things, life would be a lot better around here. It seems like they all know what company their husband is in, and what brigade, but they don't know what battalion, and since most deployment-related things are handled on the battalion level, you can imagine how much this jams up the works. Me and a couple other staff wives from various battalions were told yesterday at a coffee that we needed to "get off our high horse" because we insisted that these wives who were traveling the post insisting that EVERYONE in the entire brigade had to go to a meeting that evening tell us where they heard that, and what battalion their husbands were in. Being that our husbands are on staff for their respective battalions, we would know about things like that long before the masses would if they affected our battalions, and since we didn't, obviously, it was battalion level for THEIR battalion only. There are six battalions within this brigade. Their response to our request for complete and correct information was very rude. It's not ok to be like that, and it's dumb to act that way toward staff wives in the first place since our husbands are the ones who advise the top levels of command when they make all the decisions for the unit, but even more important than that, rumors are death during deployments, and all of us who are a bit seasoned really want to nip that in the bud because we see how much trouble it can cause. It is not malicious, and we made it very clear that we knew it wasn't, but as they say, "the most dangerous thing in the world is a little bit of knowledge", so we were just trying to let them know that they are working with an incomplete understanding, and need to learn a few pertinent facts before telling others (especially when "others" are married to people who plan things like this meeting) that they are wrong.
I also find it strange how most wives in this brigade seem to be expecting some sympathetic response to the orders. I'm sorry (really, I'm not), but every one of their husbands was a wartime enlistee. If you join the Army in wartime, on some level, you want this. If you go along with your husband joining the Army in wartime, on some level, you want this, too. If you marry a soldier during wartime, you probably don't want this, but at some point, you accept it to some degree as part and parcel. I HATE the phrase "you knew what you were getting into" because it's bullshit since NOBODY EVER knows the full extent of anything before they do it, but they're not even doing this yet. The orders have just been cut in the Pentagon. There aren't even paper orders printed up here yet. If some wife said to me a month into the deployment, "Geez, Anna, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be." I would say, "I hear that!" because I know more about that than I want to. Just flipping out over orders, though? That's not something I'm used to. Honestly, Thak and I never had a single day without orders over our heads until we arrived here. The unit he went to right after our wedding, had orders cut just a couple days before we got married, and from that day forward, he was either deployed or on orders until he was promoted out of his slot and we managed to get an exception to policy, and get orders out of a fenced unit, and come here. Even then, he was on orders for what would have been his 4th tour in Iraq. After living under orders constantly for five years of our lives, we just don't know what to do with people who flip out over orders, and want sympathy just because they're going to have to back up that oath of enlistment they (or their husband) took. If we had that mentality, we'd have lost our minds years ago, so we really cannot understand why anyone would choose to be like that, and we really have no sympathy for people just because they got orders.
What's more, I find it strange that so many seem to think it's wrong that they or their husband is deploying. How is it wrong? This is a whole brigade of fresh soldiers. Most have never deployed. Those who have, have been home for years since their last one. They are going to relieve a brigade from 10th Mountain, which is one of the most frequently deployed units in the entire Army. They have been managing Afghanistan from day one, and there are guys in some of these units with 5 or 6 tours. It is quite possibly the most poetically just thing I have ever seen in my life that Uncle Sam is replacing these overused, overstressed, overworked soldiers with the freshest ones he has. If anyone has to deploy, let it be these guys!
I really wish that this post was more like Ft. Stewart. If there are a few tips I can give to the wives who are freaking out over this deployment already, they would be these:
1) Forget about it for now. It's eons away.
2) While your husband is in the field in a few months, find a pin-up (or boudoir) photographer to shoot you. It is good luck to give him a picture book for his rucksack. (Everyone I know who had one has come home alive. It was a Ft. Stewart tradition. Plus, what guy wouldn't love it?!)
3) Remember that it's "uppity" staff wives like me who know what we're doing. You might want to be nice, because when you need help, it won't be your peers in a position to give it to you. It will be people like me (although maybe not actually me).
4) Trust your gut on your FRG. If they seem good, be involved. If they seem shady, run. You don't have to have any interaction with them. I did two tours with none.
5) Take everything said in a briefing with a grain of salt. 9 times out of 10, the command only tells a small part of the story to the masses.
6) A certain battalion that rhymes with "boo-dive", your commander talks too much. Tune that guy out. There is such a thing as too much information too soon. It's almost like he's trying to freak you out.
7) They can't make anything mandatory for dependents.
8) Keep your chain of command updated with any situations that could affect your ability and availability to train. (Having a baby due at field time is something like that. No, your husband won't get out of going to the field, but they can make a plan to get him back fast when you go into labor. Trust that your commander will do that for you, but insist that he does.)
9) Be realistic. Almost nobody's family situation is enough to leave them home.
10) At the same time, consider the source of every piece of information you hear or see. The closer that source is to the command suite, the better the information.
I had no idea deployment prep could be this spastic, but again, this post proves to us that anything is possible. I'm so glad it doesn't affect us this time. I want no part of this madness. Obviously, we have a tangential part of it since we're still here, but beyond that, the more I see, I'm just really glad it's not us.
First of all, I have no idea why they're starting the meetings and briefings so early here. The deployment is still most of a year away. Honestly, if this were Ft. Stewart, we barely got that much time between deployments, so the guys would have literally just gotten back from one, and received orders just before that for the next. We NEVER started all this BS until a few weeks before they left. I just can't understand why some of the commanders here are dragging this thing out for so long. The ONLY reason anyone should even think about a deployment that is this far away is if they are considering trying for a baby. If that were the case, they would need to figure out if they're ok with birthing alone should the date move up, or they not conceive immediately. Beyond that, there is NO reason to even let a deployment this far away into your life. It's an eternity in Army time. Why ruin a year over it? The deployment itself already pretty sufficiently ruins a year. Why let it have two? That's just sadistic.
I am also really unimpressed with the wives in general. I have never seen such an uninformed group in my life. I honestly believe that every wife should know what unit her husband is in, and should always ascertain where information came from before passing it along. If every one of them would do these two things, life would be a lot better around here. It seems like they all know what company their husband is in, and what brigade, but they don't know what battalion, and since most deployment-related things are handled on the battalion level, you can imagine how much this jams up the works. Me and a couple other staff wives from various battalions were told yesterday at a coffee that we needed to "get off our high horse" because we insisted that these wives who were traveling the post insisting that EVERYONE in the entire brigade had to go to a meeting that evening tell us where they heard that, and what battalion their husbands were in. Being that our husbands are on staff for their respective battalions, we would know about things like that long before the masses would if they affected our battalions, and since we didn't, obviously, it was battalion level for THEIR battalion only. There are six battalions within this brigade. Their response to our request for complete and correct information was very rude. It's not ok to be like that, and it's dumb to act that way toward staff wives in the first place since our husbands are the ones who advise the top levels of command when they make all the decisions for the unit, but even more important than that, rumors are death during deployments, and all of us who are a bit seasoned really want to nip that in the bud because we see how much trouble it can cause. It is not malicious, and we made it very clear that we knew it wasn't, but as they say, "the most dangerous thing in the world is a little bit of knowledge", so we were just trying to let them know that they are working with an incomplete understanding, and need to learn a few pertinent facts before telling others (especially when "others" are married to people who plan things like this meeting) that they are wrong.
I also find it strange how most wives in this brigade seem to be expecting some sympathetic response to the orders. I'm sorry (really, I'm not), but every one of their husbands was a wartime enlistee. If you join the Army in wartime, on some level, you want this. If you go along with your husband joining the Army in wartime, on some level, you want this, too. If you marry a soldier during wartime, you probably don't want this, but at some point, you accept it to some degree as part and parcel. I HATE the phrase "you knew what you were getting into" because it's bullshit since NOBODY EVER knows the full extent of anything before they do it, but they're not even doing this yet. The orders have just been cut in the Pentagon. There aren't even paper orders printed up here yet. If some wife said to me a month into the deployment, "Geez, Anna, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be." I would say, "I hear that!" because I know more about that than I want to. Just flipping out over orders, though? That's not something I'm used to. Honestly, Thak and I never had a single day without orders over our heads until we arrived here. The unit he went to right after our wedding, had orders cut just a couple days before we got married, and from that day forward, he was either deployed or on orders until he was promoted out of his slot and we managed to get an exception to policy, and get orders out of a fenced unit, and come here. Even then, he was on orders for what would have been his 4th tour in Iraq. After living under orders constantly for five years of our lives, we just don't know what to do with people who flip out over orders, and want sympathy just because they're going to have to back up that oath of enlistment they (or their husband) took. If we had that mentality, we'd have lost our minds years ago, so we really cannot understand why anyone would choose to be like that, and we really have no sympathy for people just because they got orders.
What's more, I find it strange that so many seem to think it's wrong that they or their husband is deploying. How is it wrong? This is a whole brigade of fresh soldiers. Most have never deployed. Those who have, have been home for years since their last one. They are going to relieve a brigade from 10th Mountain, which is one of the most frequently deployed units in the entire Army. They have been managing Afghanistan from day one, and there are guys in some of these units with 5 or 6 tours. It is quite possibly the most poetically just thing I have ever seen in my life that Uncle Sam is replacing these overused, overstressed, overworked soldiers with the freshest ones he has. If anyone has to deploy, let it be these guys!
I really wish that this post was more like Ft. Stewart. If there are a few tips I can give to the wives who are freaking out over this deployment already, they would be these:
1) Forget about it for now. It's eons away.
2) While your husband is in the field in a few months, find a pin-up (or boudoir) photographer to shoot you. It is good luck to give him a picture book for his rucksack. (Everyone I know who had one has come home alive. It was a Ft. Stewart tradition. Plus, what guy wouldn't love it?!)
3) Remember that it's "uppity" staff wives like me who know what we're doing. You might want to be nice, because when you need help, it won't be your peers in a position to give it to you. It will be people like me (although maybe not actually me).
4) Trust your gut on your FRG. If they seem good, be involved. If they seem shady, run. You don't have to have any interaction with them. I did two tours with none.
5) Take everything said in a briefing with a grain of salt. 9 times out of 10, the command only tells a small part of the story to the masses.
6) A certain battalion that rhymes with "boo-dive", your commander talks too much. Tune that guy out. There is such a thing as too much information too soon. It's almost like he's trying to freak you out.
7) They can't make anything mandatory for dependents.
8) Keep your chain of command updated with any situations that could affect your ability and availability to train. (Having a baby due at field time is something like that. No, your husband won't get out of going to the field, but they can make a plan to get him back fast when you go into labor. Trust that your commander will do that for you, but insist that he does.)
9) Be realistic. Almost nobody's family situation is enough to leave them home.
10) At the same time, consider the source of every piece of information you hear or see. The closer that source is to the command suite, the better the information.
I had no idea deployment prep could be this spastic, but again, this post proves to us that anything is possible. I'm so glad it doesn't affect us this time. I want no part of this madness. Obviously, we have a tangential part of it since we're still here, but beyond that, the more I see, I'm just really glad it's not us.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Are you a lifer? Let's think about it.
It's no secret that I have a bit of a pet peeve when it comes to people on their first enlistments, saying they are career soldiers, lifers, or whatever term they are using for it this time. To me, that's something you can claim if you're at least looking at an indefinite reenlistment, or are over the 10 year mark, but honestly, before that point, it's just not a legitimate thing to say. Of course, there's nothing wrong with saying, "I intend to stay in for 20 years." or "At this point, the plan is for my husband to do 20 years Active Duty." but to say, "We're lifers." implies something entirely different than reality in a lot of cases. When you say that, people assume you've got some experience, that your husband is probably someone of some influence by now, or that you've at least been through a deployment or several, and that this definitely isn't your first duty station. When this assertion comes from a PFC's wife, who cannot claim any of these things, it is erroneous. It is not malicious, of course, and we all know that, but with enlistees getting older and older in recent years, it is confusing. If a woman in her 30's tells you her husband is a career soldier, it's natural to think that he is a senior NCO or some variety of officer, and a bit confusing when you finally meet him and he's a PFC with not quite a year of service. This creates awkward situations for the husbands involved as well.
Thak and I have never really swallowed the lifer pill, to tell you the truth. He's retiring in 2013 from the Reserves, at which point he'll have 20 years of service, including 14 years Active Duty and 3 combat tours. By definition, the shoe fits. It feels weird to put it on, though, because it's just so inadvertent. Thak has been planning to get out of the Army from about a year into his first enlistment. He just never did it. Although you will never hear this from his mouth, on some level, Thak loves the Army, and that's the real reason he just kept reenlisting and reenlisting over and over again. That's how we find ourselves at this juncture. It's not because a million years ago, some 17-year-old grunt named Thaksin, fresh off Ft. Benning, declared himself a lifer. This is how it is for the vast majority of people who end up doing 20+ years. Thak's dad was like that, too. He was a draftee, and went on to serve 23 years. While there are no more draftees, if you ask ten soldiers who are within 5 years of retirement if they ever planned to get to this point in the Army, or if they thought they'd be out by now, 8 or 9 of them will tell you they had no idea it was going to end up like this. Career soldiers are born. They don't choose it. It chooses them, and most of them never intended it that way.
At the same time, Thak and I are in a rather interesting position as a couple when it comes to actual career soldier families. I married him 12 years into his Army career, so six years ago. That means that most of these really really really senior lifer wives consider me quite the rookie still! Some don't since I'm prior service, but most think I'm a total wet-behind-the-ears newbie! Thak is seasoned, proven, tested, and looking retirement in the face, an I'm a newb. It's interesting. I never go around saying we're lifers, or that I'm a career Army wife, because I don't identify with those terms on a personal level, but it does put me in a bit of a strange position.
I also think it's important to mention that just showing up, and just living my life and being here, oes not mean I'm claiming credit for Thak's years of service. I was a little kid when he enlisted. I didn't even know him then. When Thak enlisted, I was in the 4th grade. While he learned to be an Infantryman, I mastered long division, and scraped together pennies to buy Lisa Frank erasers at the school store, and wore my orange Safety Patrol belt. OK, I'm in no way claiming credit for Thak's service, and I make that really clear. No, I wasn't with him through Basic or AIT, or when he went to fight the flood in North Dakota. When he became the first Asian-American soldier to carry a Commanding General's colors on horseback, I was studying for AP exams, and had no idea he existed. When he was promoted to Sergeant, I was on a plane to St. Louis, and later, a bus to Ft. Leonard Wood. I had finally begun making my way to him, and it was a long road. I still had no idea he existed, and it would be another year, almost to the day, before we would ever meet one another at Ft. Hood. I KNOW I had no part in the majority of Thak's Army career. Just because I'm here doesn't mean I'm trying to claim credit. I'm just here.
I am grateful that I will not have to give up decades and decades of my marriage to Uncle Sam. I know we're lucky to have to only do this for 8 years total, as a couple, that he got the first 12 out of the way single. That was really nice of him. ;-)
So are we lifers? Well..... no. We have our whole lives ahead of us after his retirement ceremony in 2013! Our kids will be 9, 4, and almost 2 years old. We're still young. We gave some years to the Army, but not our whole lives, so if someone tells me we're not lifers, I'll just have to agree with them! If they want that term, that's ok with me, too.... just wait until you or your husband has been in for at least 10 years before using it.
Thak and I have never really swallowed the lifer pill, to tell you the truth. He's retiring in 2013 from the Reserves, at which point he'll have 20 years of service, including 14 years Active Duty and 3 combat tours. By definition, the shoe fits. It feels weird to put it on, though, because it's just so inadvertent. Thak has been planning to get out of the Army from about a year into his first enlistment. He just never did it. Although you will never hear this from his mouth, on some level, Thak loves the Army, and that's the real reason he just kept reenlisting and reenlisting over and over again. That's how we find ourselves at this juncture. It's not because a million years ago, some 17-year-old grunt named Thaksin, fresh off Ft. Benning, declared himself a lifer. This is how it is for the vast majority of people who end up doing 20+ years. Thak's dad was like that, too. He was a draftee, and went on to serve 23 years. While there are no more draftees, if you ask ten soldiers who are within 5 years of retirement if they ever planned to get to this point in the Army, or if they thought they'd be out by now, 8 or 9 of them will tell you they had no idea it was going to end up like this. Career soldiers are born. They don't choose it. It chooses them, and most of them never intended it that way.
At the same time, Thak and I are in a rather interesting position as a couple when it comes to actual career soldier families. I married him 12 years into his Army career, so six years ago. That means that most of these really really really senior lifer wives consider me quite the rookie still! Some don't since I'm prior service, but most think I'm a total wet-behind-the-ears newbie! Thak is seasoned, proven, tested, and looking retirement in the face, an I'm a newb. It's interesting. I never go around saying we're lifers, or that I'm a career Army wife, because I don't identify with those terms on a personal level, but it does put me in a bit of a strange position.
I also think it's important to mention that just showing up, and just living my life and being here, oes not mean I'm claiming credit for Thak's years of service. I was a little kid when he enlisted. I didn't even know him then. When Thak enlisted, I was in the 4th grade. While he learned to be an Infantryman, I mastered long division, and scraped together pennies to buy Lisa Frank erasers at the school store, and wore my orange Safety Patrol belt. OK, I'm in no way claiming credit for Thak's service, and I make that really clear. No, I wasn't with him through Basic or AIT, or when he went to fight the flood in North Dakota. When he became the first Asian-American soldier to carry a Commanding General's colors on horseback, I was studying for AP exams, and had no idea he existed. When he was promoted to Sergeant, I was on a plane to St. Louis, and later, a bus to Ft. Leonard Wood. I had finally begun making my way to him, and it was a long road. I still had no idea he existed, and it would be another year, almost to the day, before we would ever meet one another at Ft. Hood. I KNOW I had no part in the majority of Thak's Army career. Just because I'm here doesn't mean I'm trying to claim credit. I'm just here.
I am grateful that I will not have to give up decades and decades of my marriage to Uncle Sam. I know we're lucky to have to only do this for 8 years total, as a couple, that he got the first 12 out of the way single. That was really nice of him. ;-)
So are we lifers? Well..... no. We have our whole lives ahead of us after his retirement ceremony in 2013! Our kids will be 9, 4, and almost 2 years old. We're still young. We gave some years to the Army, but not our whole lives, so if someone tells me we're not lifers, I'll just have to agree with them! If they want that term, that's ok with me, too.... just wait until you or your husband has been in for at least 10 years before using it.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
A different type of bucket list
I coined a new term. "Cloth Diapering Bucket List". I was basically making excuses to buy a ridiculously expensive diaper in a trend whorish brand that everyone either loves or hates. I said I figure I've got like maybe 3 years left of cloth diapering, and since I have plenty of diapers, I can go ahead and buy one here and there for the sake of the bucket list, just to say I did. That got me thinking. What exactly IS my idea of a cloth diapering bucket list? Well, as best I can figure, here it is. The ones I have done are in bold. The ones I am going to be doing in the immediate future are in italics.
Prefolds
Bum Genius
Goodmama
Blueberry Minky
Gen-Y
Weehuggers
Bagshot Row Bamboo
Sustainable Babyish / Sloomb
Mother Ease
Thirsties
Bummis
Imse Vimse
Green Mountain Diapers Workhorse
Woolybottoms
Happy Heineys
Fuzzibunz
Rumparooz
Little Weeds
Little Beetles
And that's about as close as I can figure to the cloth diapering bucket list. Anyone who does all of these in the space of their time cloth diapering can pretty much relate to any other cloth diapering parent on the planet, because every person has done a few of these.
Prefolds
Bum Genius
Goodmama
Blueberry Minky
Gen-Y
Weehuggers
Bagshot Row Bamboo
Sustainable Babyish / Sloomb
Mother Ease
Thirsties
Bummis
Imse Vimse
Green Mountain Diapers Workhorse
Woolybottoms
Happy Heineys
Fuzzibunz
Rumparooz
Little Weeds
Little Beetles
And that's about as close as I can figure to the cloth diapering bucket list. Anyone who does all of these in the space of their time cloth diapering can pretty much relate to any other cloth diapering parent on the planet, because every person has done a few of these.
I can show you the water, but you're going to have to take a drink for yourself.
I get the feeling that people are mildly curious about the things I do, but want me to completely decode this stuff for them to the point that they get mad at me when they have to do a little leg work. Don't get me wrong. It's AMAZING that cloth diapering is the newest trend on this post (we have had two dozen that we know of get started within the past week, with well over a dozen more planning on it soon!) and I think it's awesome when people ask me about how I've managed to avoid hospital birth, and somehow not go broke. I also am happy to tell anyone about Erin's school, and show them where they can get an application, and give them the number to call to schedule their campus tour.
The problem is that I had to do a ton of leg work to get to the point I'm at, and they're going to have to do a little, too. Granted, I've done the hard part. I know these options exist, and where to find them! I didn't have anyone to tell me that stuff when I started out. I had to find this stuff for myself, and it wasn't easy, none of it was. I got it done, though, because things aren't impossible for those who really want them. The problem comes when people expect that I can just hand it to them. I can't. I can show you where you need to go, and tell you what to expect along the way and when you arrive, but you're going to have to make the trip on your own just like everybody else.
To go over a few big ones:
Don't even ask me about cloth diapering, with the expectation of being told what you need to do to get started, if you've never so much as googled it. I had a girl yesterday tell me she wanted to use AIO's because they're the cheapest, and asking me what kind of inserts she should get. I told her that AIO's are far and away the most expensive, and that they don't need inserts, hence the name (AIO stands for "all-in-one"). I told her that her cheapest option would be two dozen prefolds, 4 one-size covers in her choice of brand, and 2 Snappi fasteners. She laughed hysterically and said she didn't know what any of that was. Google it. If you're not willing to even receive knowledge when it's put out there for you, then I can't help you.
What's more, I am NOT to blame if the thing you buy doesn't work out for you. If your baby is built exactly like Orren, and has exactly the same tendencies as Orren, and your water is the same as mine, and you have the same washing machine, and the same exact tendencies as me, I can tell you from start to finish what will work and what will not. As you may imagine, that situation never exists. There's a learning curve. I had to overcome it on my own, and so will you. I can help with some things, but getting mad at me when it's not always 100% idiot-proof is not justified in the least.
Also, if you don't tell me that your kid has a history of discipline problems, I had no way of telling you he wouldn't be accepted to the charter school. It's not my fault, ok? I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you guys, but probably the best thing about this school is the fact that none of the kids have a history of discipline problems and they expel the ones who develop them along the way. I support this policy 1000% because it's made Erin's learning environment very positive, and allowed her to learn and be stress-free. No, I won't help you appeal the decision. And no, you're not justified in being mad at me because it didn't work out. I also cannot get you into a full school when you're past the application deadline. Did you miss the part where we homeschooled for a year because we missed the application deadlines for all the charters?
Now, as for your birth, where's the hangup with paying for it? Seriously, if it's THAT MUCH of a priority to have these things which I value so much (and I believe that it is. I wouldn't have it any other way myself.) then why is it a big deal to pay up front for it and file for reimbursement later? They accept payments at the birth center. Every homebirth midwife in town accepts payments, too. You're not going to starve and die because you have to pay a few hundred a month for your birth. You'll see 70-80% of it back afterward anyhow. If the few hundred you won't see back concerns you THAT MUCH, then maybe you're a hospital birther at heart, and should just go with that. I can't make this free for you. It's not free for me. Don't you see me drinking water at coffee get togethers, and not going to any of the lunches out? I've had to give things up in order to pay my midwife. It was not a hard decision for me at all because I want this. If you want it, you'll do what you have to do to pay for it, too. I never said it was free. I said it was a good option.
I think my definition of easy, and other people's definition of it, may differ quite a bit. The fact is, though, the Army is a system, and if you want what the system's default setting is, then you will be able to get it with relatively little trouble. If you want something else, though, it's not going to fall in your lap like the Army's system output is. You're going to have to go get it. Others who have been there are invaluable as far as telling you where to go, who to talk to, and when to do it, but you're going to have to do your own leg work. Nobody's going to bring this stuff to you and drop it on your doorstep. If you really want it, that won't be a problem.
The problem is that I had to do a ton of leg work to get to the point I'm at, and they're going to have to do a little, too. Granted, I've done the hard part. I know these options exist, and where to find them! I didn't have anyone to tell me that stuff when I started out. I had to find this stuff for myself, and it wasn't easy, none of it was. I got it done, though, because things aren't impossible for those who really want them. The problem comes when people expect that I can just hand it to them. I can't. I can show you where you need to go, and tell you what to expect along the way and when you arrive, but you're going to have to make the trip on your own just like everybody else.
To go over a few big ones:
Don't even ask me about cloth diapering, with the expectation of being told what you need to do to get started, if you've never so much as googled it. I had a girl yesterday tell me she wanted to use AIO's because they're the cheapest, and asking me what kind of inserts she should get. I told her that AIO's are far and away the most expensive, and that they don't need inserts, hence the name (AIO stands for "all-in-one"). I told her that her cheapest option would be two dozen prefolds, 4 one-size covers in her choice of brand, and 2 Snappi fasteners. She laughed hysterically and said she didn't know what any of that was. Google it. If you're not willing to even receive knowledge when it's put out there for you, then I can't help you.
What's more, I am NOT to blame if the thing you buy doesn't work out for you. If your baby is built exactly like Orren, and has exactly the same tendencies as Orren, and your water is the same as mine, and you have the same washing machine, and the same exact tendencies as me, I can tell you from start to finish what will work and what will not. As you may imagine, that situation never exists. There's a learning curve. I had to overcome it on my own, and so will you. I can help with some things, but getting mad at me when it's not always 100% idiot-proof is not justified in the least.
Also, if you don't tell me that your kid has a history of discipline problems, I had no way of telling you he wouldn't be accepted to the charter school. It's not my fault, ok? I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you guys, but probably the best thing about this school is the fact that none of the kids have a history of discipline problems and they expel the ones who develop them along the way. I support this policy 1000% because it's made Erin's learning environment very positive, and allowed her to learn and be stress-free. No, I won't help you appeal the decision. And no, you're not justified in being mad at me because it didn't work out. I also cannot get you into a full school when you're past the application deadline. Did you miss the part where we homeschooled for a year because we missed the application deadlines for all the charters?
Now, as for your birth, where's the hangup with paying for it? Seriously, if it's THAT MUCH of a priority to have these things which I value so much (and I believe that it is. I wouldn't have it any other way myself.) then why is it a big deal to pay up front for it and file for reimbursement later? They accept payments at the birth center. Every homebirth midwife in town accepts payments, too. You're not going to starve and die because you have to pay a few hundred a month for your birth. You'll see 70-80% of it back afterward anyhow. If the few hundred you won't see back concerns you THAT MUCH, then maybe you're a hospital birther at heart, and should just go with that. I can't make this free for you. It's not free for me. Don't you see me drinking water at coffee get togethers, and not going to any of the lunches out? I've had to give things up in order to pay my midwife. It was not a hard decision for me at all because I want this. If you want it, you'll do what you have to do to pay for it, too. I never said it was free. I said it was a good option.
I think my definition of easy, and other people's definition of it, may differ quite a bit. The fact is, though, the Army is a system, and if you want what the system's default setting is, then you will be able to get it with relatively little trouble. If you want something else, though, it's not going to fall in your lap like the Army's system output is. You're going to have to go get it. Others who have been there are invaluable as far as telling you where to go, who to talk to, and when to do it, but you're going to have to do your own leg work. Nobody's going to bring this stuff to you and drop it on your doorstep. If you really want it, that won't be a problem.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
They should wear signs.
In stating a mere fact, I've noticed lately that EVERYBODY jumps in with what they think you should do. It didn't used to be that way, or at least it didn't seem to be. It wouldn't bother me if half these suggestions had at least some base in intelligent thought, but they don't. Just from today:
"Orren had a hard time at story hour today. We're going to keep taking him there so he can get used to being in a group of other kids, and doing activities as a group, before he goes to preschool. It's going to get better. Today was just not easy. He was starting to get the hang of it by the time it was time to go, so there's hope!"
People told me to send him to freakin' daycare. No way! He had a hard time with library story hour. Daycare would destroy him at this point. HORRIBLE idea. Plus, why would I waste money on that? And even if I would, it's not an option since he's selectively vaccinated. More than any of that, I have a plan for this. I didn't ask for advice. Why give it?
"I got everything I ordered for my mantle. It still needs something. I'm thinking a large antique blue glass vase would be perfect. Looks like I'll be hitting the antique shops this weekend."
Does this sound like a plea for advice to you? I got told to go to big box retailers. Dude, when is the last time you saw an antique ANYTHING at a major retailer? Upon being told that I will be going to the antique shops that abound in a certain part of the metro area, the response was, "Oh, hmmm.... well, then I don't know what to tell you." You don't know what to tell me? How about, "Oh, that's good." or "We have antique shops here?" or "Why wait for the weekend? Let's go today!" or "Good luck finding that"?
"I wish the Babies R Us here carried X type of carseat. I need one for the new baby, and getting a discount on it for trading in something old we have laying around would be amazing."
I get this: "You can order it from the website and do site to store shipping."
To which I replied: "I know that option exists, but in using it, will the trade-in discount apply? I can pay full price for this thing on at least a dozen websites that ship way faster than BRU."
And I got this: "No, the discount wouldn't apply."
Face.... meet palm.
People are so stupid, and think everyone wants their misguided stupid advice. When did this happen? I don't remember it always being like this!
"Orren had a hard time at story hour today. We're going to keep taking him there so he can get used to being in a group of other kids, and doing activities as a group, before he goes to preschool. It's going to get better. Today was just not easy. He was starting to get the hang of it by the time it was time to go, so there's hope!"
People told me to send him to freakin' daycare. No way! He had a hard time with library story hour. Daycare would destroy him at this point. HORRIBLE idea. Plus, why would I waste money on that? And even if I would, it's not an option since he's selectively vaccinated. More than any of that, I have a plan for this. I didn't ask for advice. Why give it?
"I got everything I ordered for my mantle. It still needs something. I'm thinking a large antique blue glass vase would be perfect. Looks like I'll be hitting the antique shops this weekend."
Does this sound like a plea for advice to you? I got told to go to big box retailers. Dude, when is the last time you saw an antique ANYTHING at a major retailer? Upon being told that I will be going to the antique shops that abound in a certain part of the metro area, the response was, "Oh, hmmm.... well, then I don't know what to tell you." You don't know what to tell me? How about, "Oh, that's good." or "We have antique shops here?" or "Why wait for the weekend? Let's go today!" or "Good luck finding that"?
"I wish the Babies R Us here carried X type of carseat. I need one for the new baby, and getting a discount on it for trading in something old we have laying around would be amazing."
I get this: "You can order it from the website and do site to store shipping."
To which I replied: "I know that option exists, but in using it, will the trade-in discount apply? I can pay full price for this thing on at least a dozen websites that ship way faster than BRU."
And I got this: "No, the discount wouldn't apply."
Face.... meet palm.
People are so stupid, and think everyone wants their misguided stupid advice. When did this happen? I don't remember it always being like this!
Orren does story hour
So a friend of ours discovered a story hour at the main downtown library, and told us it's pretty good, so today, she and her daughter, and me and Orren, went to it. It WAS very good. Books, songs, balloons, and even a simple craft to go along with the stories... it was a great story hour! Orren did not do so well with it, though. He was a little overwhelmed by there being so many kids, and didn't really know what to do without Erin. He's fine in situations like that if she's with him. He just follows her around, but without her, he's completely lost, and gets VERY frustrated.
For the stories and the songs, he just sat with me, until he began venturing out just a little bit toward the end. Doing the craft (A headband with bunny ears. Today's stories were about rabbits.) with him was an absolute nightmare. He pitched a big fit, kicked his boots off, and insisted on just cutting one piece of paper into tiny little pieces. He screamed if I tried to do anything else with him. We did get through the craft time, though, and did manage to make a bunny ear headband.
Shockingly, and quite probably to the chagrin of every rich mom from the Upper Valley, we're going to be there every week from here forward. See, here's the thing. He had a hard time this time, but I saw potential. He did sort of venture out from me a little bit during one of the songs. He did eventually sit at the table with everyone else, even if all he did was cut up a piece of paper into confetti. He tried, and he did start to figure it out by the end. Not bad for a program that lasted a little over an hour. I figure if I take him every week, he'll get used to this type of thing on a smaller scale, and with me there with him, and if we ever find a preschool for him to start this year, it won't be quite as shocking for him to go with the classroom routines and do what the group of kids is doing.
So yes, Orren did story hour. It was good. It'll get better.
For the stories and the songs, he just sat with me, until he began venturing out just a little bit toward the end. Doing the craft (A headband with bunny ears. Today's stories were about rabbits.) with him was an absolute nightmare. He pitched a big fit, kicked his boots off, and insisted on just cutting one piece of paper into tiny little pieces. He screamed if I tried to do anything else with him. We did get through the craft time, though, and did manage to make a bunny ear headband.
Shockingly, and quite probably to the chagrin of every rich mom from the Upper Valley, we're going to be there every week from here forward. See, here's the thing. He had a hard time this time, but I saw potential. He did sort of venture out from me a little bit during one of the songs. He did eventually sit at the table with everyone else, even if all he did was cut up a piece of paper into confetti. He tried, and he did start to figure it out by the end. Not bad for a program that lasted a little over an hour. I figure if I take him every week, he'll get used to this type of thing on a smaller scale, and with me there with him, and if we ever find a preschool for him to start this year, it won't be quite as shocking for him to go with the classroom routines and do what the group of kids is doing.
So yes, Orren did story hour. It was good. It'll get better.
Think outside the [big] box... and my fireplace.
My house is too WHITE. I mean, really, white walls, white brick fireplace and mantle, white tile floors... just white everywhere!! It's kind of boring. The mantle has really driven me crazy from day one. Thak and Erin use it as their personal garbage receptacle, and then Thak started putting his awards up there (without moving any of the junk that he and Erin amassed up there). It was awful. Finally, I said enough. I have this potentially gorgeous living room, and it looks awful because I allowed Thak and Erin to trash it, and did not make decorating it nicely a priority.
A few weeks ago, I took to Etsy, not quite sure what I was looking for, but definitely needing something vintage and colorful to jazz up this plain white brick mantle. Coincidentally, on the opening page of Etsy, I saw a group of vintage candlesticks in bright colors. Cool! I looked through hundreds, maybe thousands, of colorful vintage candlesticks, and settled on a group of five mismatched ones that were nice and bright, and affordably priced enough, and I bought them. Then I needed something to hang up. I found this cool sign made of 250-year-old barn wood. It was a similr shade of red to one of the candlesticks, so it was kind of a neat addition. Not to mention the price was right, so I bought that, too. I settled on getting those two things in, and then seeing where we'd go from there. The candlesticks came in fast, the sign took weeks, but as of this morning, my mantle has had its preliminary makeover.
It still needs something, though. A large blue antique glass vase would be perfect. I have to hit up the antique stores. I thought it was weird that when I mentioned this, everyone I was talking with told me to go to places like Ross and Pier 1, and stuff like that. NO!! I'm NOT putting some plastic knock off made in freaking China next to vintage candlesticks and 250-year-old barn wood. I'll go to the antique stores here in town, and if they have nothing like that, then I'll troll Etsy for it again, maybe Ebay if Etsy's got nothing, but I am NOT going to finish this project with some molded Chinese-made crap. I was surprised with the suggestion. I thought it was a weird thing to say. Oh, but huge props to J for suggesting an antique shop I didn't know about before. THAT is why I discuss these things with people.
Think outside the box, and you will find unique and great things, too! No, it's not a one stop shop, and even something as simple as a fireplace mantle can take months to get right when you don't know where the stuff you've got in mind is going to come from, but it's just that much better when you finally get it done.
A few weeks ago, I took to Etsy, not quite sure what I was looking for, but definitely needing something vintage and colorful to jazz up this plain white brick mantle. Coincidentally, on the opening page of Etsy, I saw a group of vintage candlesticks in bright colors. Cool! I looked through hundreds, maybe thousands, of colorful vintage candlesticks, and settled on a group of five mismatched ones that were nice and bright, and affordably priced enough, and I bought them. Then I needed something to hang up. I found this cool sign made of 250-year-old barn wood. It was a similr shade of red to one of the candlesticks, so it was kind of a neat addition. Not to mention the price was right, so I bought that, too. I settled on getting those two things in, and then seeing where we'd go from there. The candlesticks came in fast, the sign took weeks, but as of this morning, my mantle has had its preliminary makeover.
It still needs something, though. A large blue antique glass vase would be perfect. I have to hit up the antique stores. I thought it was weird that when I mentioned this, everyone I was talking with told me to go to places like Ross and Pier 1, and stuff like that. NO!! I'm NOT putting some plastic knock off made in freaking China next to vintage candlesticks and 250-year-old barn wood. I'll go to the antique stores here in town, and if they have nothing like that, then I'll troll Etsy for it again, maybe Ebay if Etsy's got nothing, but I am NOT going to finish this project with some molded Chinese-made crap. I was surprised with the suggestion. I thought it was a weird thing to say. Oh, but huge props to J for suggesting an antique shop I didn't know about before. THAT is why I discuss these things with people.
Think outside the box, and you will find unique and great things, too! No, it's not a one stop shop, and even something as simple as a fireplace mantle can take months to get right when you don't know where the stuff you've got in mind is going to come from, but it's just that much better when you finally get it done.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Here's your torch. We don't want it anymore.
Thak's brigade got official deployment orders today. I should feel bad since this will affect a lot of my friends, but I really don't. None have done multiple tours. Many have done none. It just seems rightful for them to do this now, and since we have done multiple tours, and the worst of the worst, if you really want to think about things in those terms, it just feels right that Thak's name does not appear on these orders.
A lot of people in this position talk about feeling guilty that their husband isn't going when so many other people's are. I don't, though. I hate that anyone ever has to go through a deployment, but these are fresh soldiers. If anyone has to deploy, it should be them. For once, it seems like Uncle Sam got something right in the rotation. It is right that we are moving on. It is right that they are deploying.
Will the outside be hard? Yes. We will be under great financial hardship for the first little while. If Thak stayed Active Duty, though, it would be tour #4. Nothing has ever been more obvious to me than the righteousness of our decision to move on now, and I think I will be just a little extra thankful when Thak comes home to me every night, with dirt and oil on his hands, in his BMW uniform. We are glad to pass this torch to fresh soldiers. We've had a long run, and it's good to see the end right when it counts.
A lot of people in this position talk about feeling guilty that their husband isn't going when so many other people's are. I don't, though. I hate that anyone ever has to go through a deployment, but these are fresh soldiers. If anyone has to deploy, it should be them. For once, it seems like Uncle Sam got something right in the rotation. It is right that we are moving on. It is right that they are deploying.
Will the outside be hard? Yes. We will be under great financial hardship for the first little while. If Thak stayed Active Duty, though, it would be tour #4. Nothing has ever been more obvious to me than the righteousness of our decision to move on now, and I think I will be just a little extra thankful when Thak comes home to me every night, with dirt and oil on his hands, in his BMW uniform. We are glad to pass this torch to fresh soldiers. We've had a long run, and it's good to see the end right when it counts.
It's rodeo time!!!
El Paso gets AMAZING rodeo events every now and again. No, maybe not as many as some other parts of Texas, but enough. Some very famous cowboys are from here (One would be world champion bull rider Tuff Hedeman.) so when they have events, they often make a stop in El Paso. Well, anyhow, there is one like that coming to El Paso in just a few weeks!! AAAHHHHH!!! I need tickets!!! I have to wait until the first, but I am SO getting us rodeo tickets. It's a world champion level bull riding event (no, not the championships themselves. That is always in Vegas. This event will feature several previous world champions, though, so it's going to be AMAZING!!)
It's so funny that the first thing I thought of was, "Oh no. What am I going to wear??" because seriously, my maternity wardrobe is pretty minimal to begin with, and absolutely nothing is rodeo-worthy. So how freaking cool is it that I found that a store we had a gift card for anyhow, sells jeans online in long lengths? (That was the big problem. I can't wear my boots with any of the jeans I have because all anyone sells in store is regular length, and they are so short.) Oh, AND they sell real sizes, and go down to a 4! I always hate the Small-Medium-Large sizing of most affordable maternity brands because their "small" is about a size 8 in the hips and butt, which is too big for me. So I ordered this really hot pair of boot cut maternity jeans, in a size 4 Long, and just waited for the message that they were unavailable to flash across the screen. Low and behold, they weren't even back ordered!! Amazing!! Pair these with my boots, and then a black cami under one of Thak's vintage western shirts, with my big turquoise necklace, and I think I know what I'm wearing.
Thak said next we have to get the kids some hats and boots. They are going to be so adorable! I just hope all the cheap tickets aren't sold out by the time we get around to ordering!! This is going to be so much fun. I just hope Erin doesn't ruin it with her "gimme gimme" attitude. We're really trying to get her to the point that she can go places without automatically expecting to have stuff bought for her when we're there. Thak's idea is to never go anywhere (Shocking, right?) because if we simply don't go, then that's punishment for automatically expecting an expensive trip to the gift shop every time we set foot anywhere that has one. Sure, it's a fitting punishment, but it punishes all of us, and that's not right. I say we have to take her to places and not buy her anything so that she sees it can be done, and realizes that she can have fun without having stuff bought for her every time she turns around. Right now, it's a difficult phase, because she gets REALLY mad, as if we don't love her since we're not buying her stuff all the time. I just hope she doesn't ruin the rodeo for us the way she ruined the zoo this past weekend. If we can keep her attitude in check, it will definitely be a lot of fun.
It's so funny that the first thing I thought of was, "Oh no. What am I going to wear??" because seriously, my maternity wardrobe is pretty minimal to begin with, and absolutely nothing is rodeo-worthy. So how freaking cool is it that I found that a store we had a gift card for anyhow, sells jeans online in long lengths? (That was the big problem. I can't wear my boots with any of the jeans I have because all anyone sells in store is regular length, and they are so short.) Oh, AND they sell real sizes, and go down to a 4! I always hate the Small-Medium-Large sizing of most affordable maternity brands because their "small" is about a size 8 in the hips and butt, which is too big for me. So I ordered this really hot pair of boot cut maternity jeans, in a size 4 Long, and just waited for the message that they were unavailable to flash across the screen. Low and behold, they weren't even back ordered!! Amazing!! Pair these with my boots, and then a black cami under one of Thak's vintage western shirts, with my big turquoise necklace, and I think I know what I'm wearing.
Thak said next we have to get the kids some hats and boots. They are going to be so adorable! I just hope all the cheap tickets aren't sold out by the time we get around to ordering!! This is going to be so much fun. I just hope Erin doesn't ruin it with her "gimme gimme" attitude. We're really trying to get her to the point that she can go places without automatically expecting to have stuff bought for her when we're there. Thak's idea is to never go anywhere (Shocking, right?) because if we simply don't go, then that's punishment for automatically expecting an expensive trip to the gift shop every time we set foot anywhere that has one. Sure, it's a fitting punishment, but it punishes all of us, and that's not right. I say we have to take her to places and not buy her anything so that she sees it can be done, and realizes that she can have fun without having stuff bought for her every time she turns around. Right now, it's a difficult phase, because she gets REALLY mad, as if we don't love her since we're not buying her stuff all the time. I just hope she doesn't ruin the rodeo for us the way she ruined the zoo this past weekend. If we can keep her attitude in check, it will definitely be a lot of fun.
Again, why trust the salesman to make your decisions for you?
At the cloth diapering party, one of the side conversations was very interesting, and strange. These girls were all telling me why they "couldn't" have homebirths, or water births, or whatnot. It was all stupid reasons, too. This conversation is usually what follows when people find out I'm planning a homebirth. They have to tell me why they can't do it, for some weird reason. I've noticed that it happens in many cases. This time, due to the sheer number of people, was particularly interesting, though. You're not going to believe some of these.
"I'm adopted, so I have to do hospital births."
"I had a previous high risk pregnancy."
"I've had a c-section."
"I don't go into labor on my own. I have to be induced or the baby will never come out."
"I am diabetic."
"I am overweight."
"I had an eating disorder in high school."
All of these are exact quotes. Once I picked my jaw up off the floor, I asked these people WHO they asked if they were homebirth candidates. The answer was universal. "My OB." or "My midwife." OK, your midwife? Did you have a hospital birth? Of course they did. DO NOT trust that midwife. Hospital CNM's are nothing more than poorly paid doctors. What they practice is not midwifery. They induce people, use all kinds of monitoring, demand IV's, and some even cut episiotomies. You really can't call that a midwife. Granted, in a hospital setting in the US, it is nearly impossible to actually use most midwifery techniques, but those who have chosen to practice only in hospitals must have done so for a reason, and hence, they are not really midwives in the truest sense. In fact, a lot of hospital CNM's have a lot of bad things to say about birth center and homebirth practices. So basically, in asking an OB or a hospital CNM whether you are a homebirth candidate is like asking a Dodge salesman whether you should buy a Chevy. What do you think they're going to say? If they make money if you buy a Dodge, and none if you buy a Chevy, obviously they're going to tell you everything they can to make sure you never stray from Dodge. Same principle applies. These people make money off hospital birth, and every intervention they can get you to accept lines their pocket just a little more. Of course they're going to tell you that you aren't a candidate for anyone but them!! They are making a ton of money off you!!
The problem is that so few people truly choose to educate themselves on the reality of their own situations that they fall for this garbage. In all honesty, with the right midwife, any of the women there would have been great homebirth or birth center birth candidates. In fact, I, um, happen to know a local midwife who has successfully assisted homebirths and birth center births for clients in all of the above categories, and she's military friendly, and accepts payments.
I always ask these people if they actually spoke with a birth center or homebirth midwife to find out if these were options for them. They always say no, because the hallowed OB or hospital CNM said they were not a candidate for anything other than the full cart of hospital nasty. That slays me. When I was pregnant with Orren, and the people at Winn Army Community Hospital said that I would nearly definitely be induced that time around since I had passed 42 weeks with Erin, the FIRST THING I did was call the only birth center in the state, and talk with the owner (who actually did end up attending my birth!) She affirmed what I thought, that the hospital staff was full of it, and that I would be far better off at the birth center. I switched that day, and never looked back. How on earth would anyone know if they're too risky for any type of birth if they don't ask a person who attends that kind of birth? How would some OB downtown assume to answer for every homebirth midwife in West Texas, and all three birth centers? That's quite an assumption. I wouldn't believe anyone who thought they could speak for so many, without even knowing any of them, and having very little idea of what they're really about. (Watch "The Business of Being Born". They ask OB's questions about homebirth. They are SHOCKINGLY ignorant to the reality.)
Another thing to remember is that if one midwife won't take you, or you don't like what she says, then interview another, and then another, and still more until you exhaust all your options. Believe it or not, every one has different ideas about what kind of clients they are, and are not, willing to take. Some are happy to take people who are diabetic or preeclamptic, while others will not touch either of those situations. Most will take clients who have had c-sections before, but a few won't. Some will gladly deliver breech babies at home, and a few, even twins. Some others will only take singleton births where the baby is coming head first. Every midwife is different. If you consider yourself to have risk factors, your best bet is to look for a midwife who has been in practice for a long time, especially if her scope of practice has included births in very rural areas. With these credentials, she's probably seen everything you could possibly throw her way ten times before, and isn't put off by a bit of it because she knows how to handle it in a home setting, and how to help you to help yourself.
Did you know that a full 85% of the world's women are homebirth candidates? 85%. That means that there's no possible way that out of 18 women in attendance on Saturday, I was the only homebirth candidate. No way. If international statistics hold true to our post's population (and why wouldn't they?), then I was in the company of at least 14 other good candidates, not including myself. Three of them plan to call Casa (the birth center my midwife practices at) today, and try to find out if they can birth there.
Never trust the salesman to make your decisions for you. Educate yourself on your own situation, ask the people who actually provide the services you are interested in whether or not you are a candidate for those services, and proceed accordingly.
"I'm adopted, so I have to do hospital births."
"I had a previous high risk pregnancy."
"I've had a c-section."
"I don't go into labor on my own. I have to be induced or the baby will never come out."
"I am diabetic."
"I am overweight."
"I had an eating disorder in high school."
All of these are exact quotes. Once I picked my jaw up off the floor, I asked these people WHO they asked if they were homebirth candidates. The answer was universal. "My OB." or "My midwife." OK, your midwife? Did you have a hospital birth? Of course they did. DO NOT trust that midwife. Hospital CNM's are nothing more than poorly paid doctors. What they practice is not midwifery. They induce people, use all kinds of monitoring, demand IV's, and some even cut episiotomies. You really can't call that a midwife. Granted, in a hospital setting in the US, it is nearly impossible to actually use most midwifery techniques, but those who have chosen to practice only in hospitals must have done so for a reason, and hence, they are not really midwives in the truest sense. In fact, a lot of hospital CNM's have a lot of bad things to say about birth center and homebirth practices. So basically, in asking an OB or a hospital CNM whether you are a homebirth candidate is like asking a Dodge salesman whether you should buy a Chevy. What do you think they're going to say? If they make money if you buy a Dodge, and none if you buy a Chevy, obviously they're going to tell you everything they can to make sure you never stray from Dodge. Same principle applies. These people make money off hospital birth, and every intervention they can get you to accept lines their pocket just a little more. Of course they're going to tell you that you aren't a candidate for anyone but them!! They are making a ton of money off you!!
The problem is that so few people truly choose to educate themselves on the reality of their own situations that they fall for this garbage. In all honesty, with the right midwife, any of the women there would have been great homebirth or birth center birth candidates. In fact, I, um, happen to know a local midwife who has successfully assisted homebirths and birth center births for clients in all of the above categories, and she's military friendly, and accepts payments.
I always ask these people if they actually spoke with a birth center or homebirth midwife to find out if these were options for them. They always say no, because the hallowed OB or hospital CNM said they were not a candidate for anything other than the full cart of hospital nasty. That slays me. When I was pregnant with Orren, and the people at Winn Army Community Hospital said that I would nearly definitely be induced that time around since I had passed 42 weeks with Erin, the FIRST THING I did was call the only birth center in the state, and talk with the owner (who actually did end up attending my birth!) She affirmed what I thought, that the hospital staff was full of it, and that I would be far better off at the birth center. I switched that day, and never looked back. How on earth would anyone know if they're too risky for any type of birth if they don't ask a person who attends that kind of birth? How would some OB downtown assume to answer for every homebirth midwife in West Texas, and all three birth centers? That's quite an assumption. I wouldn't believe anyone who thought they could speak for so many, without even knowing any of them, and having very little idea of what they're really about. (Watch "The Business of Being Born". They ask OB's questions about homebirth. They are SHOCKINGLY ignorant to the reality.)
Another thing to remember is that if one midwife won't take you, or you don't like what she says, then interview another, and then another, and still more until you exhaust all your options. Believe it or not, every one has different ideas about what kind of clients they are, and are not, willing to take. Some are happy to take people who are diabetic or preeclamptic, while others will not touch either of those situations. Most will take clients who have had c-sections before, but a few won't. Some will gladly deliver breech babies at home, and a few, even twins. Some others will only take singleton births where the baby is coming head first. Every midwife is different. If you consider yourself to have risk factors, your best bet is to look for a midwife who has been in practice for a long time, especially if her scope of practice has included births in very rural areas. With these credentials, she's probably seen everything you could possibly throw her way ten times before, and isn't put off by a bit of it because she knows how to handle it in a home setting, and how to help you to help yourself.
Did you know that a full 85% of the world's women are homebirth candidates? 85%. That means that there's no possible way that out of 18 women in attendance on Saturday, I was the only homebirth candidate. No way. If international statistics hold true to our post's population (and why wouldn't they?), then I was in the company of at least 14 other good candidates, not including myself. Three of them plan to call Casa (the birth center my midwife practices at) today, and try to find out if they can birth there.
Never trust the salesman to make your decisions for you. Educate yourself on your own situation, ask the people who actually provide the services you are interested in whether or not you are a candidate for those services, and proceed accordingly.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
A day at the zoo? Well... I hope so.
Erin is kind of a spoiled brat. Whenever we say we're going anywhere, the first thing she does is to ask what we're going to buy her when we get there. It's really bad. We've really been trying to cut down on the stuff and the random expenditures because that stuff is going away for the most part in just a few months when Thak is out of the Army. We are taking a MASSIVE cut in income, and simply, buying something for her to play with for five minutes and then never again, every time we set foot anywhere that sell stuff, is NOT happening. We've been cutting back for a long time now, but it does nothing.
We were planning to go to the zoo today. When I told her that, she started talking about what we would buy her in the gift shop. I said no, we weren't going to buy anything at the gift shop, and she pouted for an hour, all the way through lunch. Thak got mad, and said we weren't going. I said I am so sick of just sitting at home and doing absolutely nothing, and I don't think it's fair to punish the whole family for Erin's attitude, so we are still going.... if Erin will ever get dressed. She isn't speaking to us, and is having MAJOR attitude issues.
I just wanted a fun day at the zoo.... Why is that too much to ask? It shouldn't be. Other people accomplish this all the time, and manage to get out of the house and do stuff, and their kids don't act like this. Hell, Orren doesn't act like this. I notice we did more stuff while Erin was in FL last summer than we usually do while she's here, because it's so much more fun to do pretty much anything without her terrible attitude along for the ride. I guess we'll see if it improves. Her life will be a lot easier if she would stop tying fun to how much money is spent on her.
We were planning to go to the zoo today. When I told her that, she started talking about what we would buy her in the gift shop. I said no, we weren't going to buy anything at the gift shop, and she pouted for an hour, all the way through lunch. Thak got mad, and said we weren't going. I said I am so sick of just sitting at home and doing absolutely nothing, and I don't think it's fair to punish the whole family for Erin's attitude, so we are still going.... if Erin will ever get dressed. She isn't speaking to us, and is having MAJOR attitude issues.
I just wanted a fun day at the zoo.... Why is that too much to ask? It shouldn't be. Other people accomplish this all the time, and manage to get out of the house and do stuff, and their kids don't act like this. Hell, Orren doesn't act like this. I notice we did more stuff while Erin was in FL last summer than we usually do while she's here, because it's so much more fun to do pretty much anything without her terrible attitude along for the ride. I guess we'll see if it improves. Her life will be a lot easier if she would stop tying fun to how much money is spent on her.
A madly successful event
Yesterday was the cloth diapering party that was put together by another cloth diapering mom, and me. We ended up in the end with three cloth diapering moms (one of whom makes and sells diapers, too!) and close to 20 newbies. The turn-out was unbelievable, and so was the outcome.
I mostly ended up sitting on the floor, and teaching people how to use prefolds. I brought a stuffed animal frog to be the diaper model, and everyone diapered the frog at least one or two times, and mastered at least one way of folding prefolds. They all also got to see, hold, and figure out many kinds of covers, and sort of see what style they like, and how they may want to get started. They got to see pocket diapers, fitteds, and all-in-ones, in various brands, and see what they like best. Most of them went home and ordered diapers. The rest will do it next payday.
The best of all was this one girl whose husband told her absolutely no cloth diapers on his babies. She really wanted to do it, though, so she came to the party, and had him come by to pick her up at the end. She brought him in so me and my friend S (whose house the party was at) could talk to him about it. I asked him what the issue was, what was holding him back from liking this idea. He said it was the start-up cost. (This is understandable. This guy is a PFC with his second baby on the way.) I told him that the way I swallowed the financial pill myself two years ago when I was starting out, was to figure out how much money I would spend on cloth diapers. Then figure out how many disposables that would buy, and how long that many disposables would last. Then commit to trying cloth diapering for that long. If I hated it and quit at the end of that, I would lose nothing, but if I liked it and kept with it after that, I would save a ton of money from that point forward. That made sense to him, and his wife has placed her first cloth diaper order as of this morning.
Another resistant dad got on board bigger than anything when I told the story of a Marine I know whose wife has cloth diapered their two kids, and saved him enough money by doing that, to pay for a BIG flat screen TV that he watches football on every single weekend. (It's true. Honestly, even if you only cloth diaper one baby, you will save as much money as a very high quality flat screen TV costs.)
It's all kind of cool, really. When the party was over, and two friends and I were sitting there thinking about what had just happened, S said, "You know, I think we've just made a huge step in the direction of changing the culture of this post." We agreed. We did do that. When I first got here almost two years ago, nobody cloth diapered but me. Seeing Orren's cloth diapers is what got S interested. Then she had a baby six months ago, and has cloth diapered her. She had the idea that if people know about it, they'll love it, so we started just bringing it up in conversation in mixed groups a few months ago, just to see if we could get some interest going. As it turned out, we did! Then we had this party to answer questions, further educate people about the various options they have, and to help people figure it out. We did that, and now, if you go to the PX playground any given day, you might just see one or more baby in cloth.
We also thought up some interesting numbers for yesterday:
If the moms at the party cloth diaper 1.5 babies on average (some are on their last baby, many are not), then we will have kept 27 tons of waste out of the landfill.
Assuming the same number of babies as above, 11,556 gallons of crude oil will be conserved in manufacturing alone. (Each disposable diaper uses 3/4 cup of crude oil just to make the materials for it.) This does not even take into account how much oil will be conserved since each cloth diaper is shipped to its owner ONCE then used hundreds of times, vs each disposable diaper being shipped to the store, then used once and thrown away. We're talking MILLIONS of gallons of oil that are now not going to be used, and that's assuming 27 cloth diapered babies (reasonable considering we had 18 guests, and at least half of us will cloth diaper two or more babies).
If all 18 cloth diaper, the money spent for all, will be equivalent of the cost to disposable diaper 2.5 babies.
Yesterday, what we did looked like a fun party, with food, and friends, and lots of laughing and fun. It was all of those things. It was also important. Every person who showed up will make a huge difference. Together, we've truly embodied what our General says about "being Army Green", and guarding our environmental resources.
I mostly ended up sitting on the floor, and teaching people how to use prefolds. I brought a stuffed animal frog to be the diaper model, and everyone diapered the frog at least one or two times, and mastered at least one way of folding prefolds. They all also got to see, hold, and figure out many kinds of covers, and sort of see what style they like, and how they may want to get started. They got to see pocket diapers, fitteds, and all-in-ones, in various brands, and see what they like best. Most of them went home and ordered diapers. The rest will do it next payday.
The best of all was this one girl whose husband told her absolutely no cloth diapers on his babies. She really wanted to do it, though, so she came to the party, and had him come by to pick her up at the end. She brought him in so me and my friend S (whose house the party was at) could talk to him about it. I asked him what the issue was, what was holding him back from liking this idea. He said it was the start-up cost. (This is understandable. This guy is a PFC with his second baby on the way.) I told him that the way I swallowed the financial pill myself two years ago when I was starting out, was to figure out how much money I would spend on cloth diapers. Then figure out how many disposables that would buy, and how long that many disposables would last. Then commit to trying cloth diapering for that long. If I hated it and quit at the end of that, I would lose nothing, but if I liked it and kept with it after that, I would save a ton of money from that point forward. That made sense to him, and his wife has placed her first cloth diaper order as of this morning.
Another resistant dad got on board bigger than anything when I told the story of a Marine I know whose wife has cloth diapered their two kids, and saved him enough money by doing that, to pay for a BIG flat screen TV that he watches football on every single weekend. (It's true. Honestly, even if you only cloth diaper one baby, you will save as much money as a very high quality flat screen TV costs.)
It's all kind of cool, really. When the party was over, and two friends and I were sitting there thinking about what had just happened, S said, "You know, I think we've just made a huge step in the direction of changing the culture of this post." We agreed. We did do that. When I first got here almost two years ago, nobody cloth diapered but me. Seeing Orren's cloth diapers is what got S interested. Then she had a baby six months ago, and has cloth diapered her. She had the idea that if people know about it, they'll love it, so we started just bringing it up in conversation in mixed groups a few months ago, just to see if we could get some interest going. As it turned out, we did! Then we had this party to answer questions, further educate people about the various options they have, and to help people figure it out. We did that, and now, if you go to the PX playground any given day, you might just see one or more baby in cloth.
We also thought up some interesting numbers for yesterday:
If the moms at the party cloth diaper 1.5 babies on average (some are on their last baby, many are not), then we will have kept 27 tons of waste out of the landfill.
Assuming the same number of babies as above, 11,556 gallons of crude oil will be conserved in manufacturing alone. (Each disposable diaper uses 3/4 cup of crude oil just to make the materials for it.) This does not even take into account how much oil will be conserved since each cloth diaper is shipped to its owner ONCE then used hundreds of times, vs each disposable diaper being shipped to the store, then used once and thrown away. We're talking MILLIONS of gallons of oil that are now not going to be used, and that's assuming 27 cloth diapered babies (reasonable considering we had 18 guests, and at least half of us will cloth diaper two or more babies).
If all 18 cloth diaper, the money spent for all, will be equivalent of the cost to disposable diaper 2.5 babies.
Yesterday, what we did looked like a fun party, with food, and friends, and lots of laughing and fun. It was all of those things. It was also important. Every person who showed up will make a huge difference. Together, we've truly embodied what our General says about "being Army Green", and guarding our environmental resources.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
But I don't WANT to own them...
Other parents of special needs kids scare the crap out of me when they talk about the way they have to deal with the schools.
"You OWN them with your IEP."
"When they see me coming, they know they better act right."
"Run the show."
"Even if you have to get in the Superintendent's face like I did, make them give you what you want."
"I tell them how it's going to be, and they have to do it."
Here's me:
"My daughter has several learning disabilities. I moved her to a school with a style of instruction that suited her, people who would help us, and few enough kids that she gets a lot of individual attention."
Doesn't my way sound easier? It occurred to me that it would kill me to be in these other people's shoes. I don't want to fight anybody, get in anybody's face, or run any show. I want to just say, "Hey, my kid is learning disabled. She needs help in this way. Will you help her?" and they say, "Yes, we'll help her." and then do it. That's what's happened at her school. Sure, the principal is kind of a butthead, and won't give her an LD label on her IEP, but I'm not worried about labels as long as she is getting the help she needs, and she is. I didn't have to fight anybody for it. I took her diagnosis in, showed it to her teacher, he showed it to the special ed teacher, and the next day, Erin was receiving the help she needed. She's a different kid today than she was just six months ago. She can write almost a full sentence, hardly misspelling anything. She can read a little. She gets about half of her spelling words right every week. She's nowhere near grade level, but she's improving drastically, and I didn't have to fight anybody for it, or run anybody's show. I just said my kid needed help to learn, and they helped her.
I don't want to be a scary special needs parent. I hope I never have to be. Don't get me wrong, I'd do anything for Erin's well being, but I really don't WANT to have to be mean and nasty to people just to get them to help her. I'm glad I haven't been in that position before. These other parents, honestly, kind of scare the crap out of me.
"You OWN them with your IEP."
"When they see me coming, they know they better act right."
"Run the show."
"Even if you have to get in the Superintendent's face like I did, make them give you what you want."
"I tell them how it's going to be, and they have to do it."
Here's me:
"My daughter has several learning disabilities. I moved her to a school with a style of instruction that suited her, people who would help us, and few enough kids that she gets a lot of individual attention."
Doesn't my way sound easier? It occurred to me that it would kill me to be in these other people's shoes. I don't want to fight anybody, get in anybody's face, or run any show. I want to just say, "Hey, my kid is learning disabled. She needs help in this way. Will you help her?" and they say, "Yes, we'll help her." and then do it. That's what's happened at her school. Sure, the principal is kind of a butthead, and won't give her an LD label on her IEP, but I'm not worried about labels as long as she is getting the help she needs, and she is. I didn't have to fight anybody for it. I took her diagnosis in, showed it to her teacher, he showed it to the special ed teacher, and the next day, Erin was receiving the help she needed. She's a different kid today than she was just six months ago. She can write almost a full sentence, hardly misspelling anything. She can read a little. She gets about half of her spelling words right every week. She's nowhere near grade level, but she's improving drastically, and I didn't have to fight anybody for it, or run anybody's show. I just said my kid needed help to learn, and they helped her.
I don't want to be a scary special needs parent. I hope I never have to be. Don't get me wrong, I'd do anything for Erin's well being, but I really don't WANT to have to be mean and nasty to people just to get them to help her. I'm glad I haven't been in that position before. These other parents, honestly, kind of scare the crap out of me.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Just a word to the wise:
Don't buy something that someone won't answer your questions about. Conversely, don't sell anything you're not willing or able to answer questions about.
Some girl listed a cloth diaper cake for sale on a local wives' group. We happen to have a lot of wives who are members of that group who are just getting into cloth diapering. The deal seemed a little fishy, though. "4 dozen cloth diapers! I paid $138, you pay $25! Great deal." OK, so at first glance, WOW!! 4 dozen cloth diapers?! Why that's practically birth to potty training, and for $25?? Send every PVT's wife with one on the way THIS deal.
Not so fast, though. What brand are the diapers? What style? Prefolds? Flats? Anything but Gerber? I was the one who asked the questions first. A fellow cloth diapering mom, who also makes diapers, joined in with a few questions I forgot. I made clear that I am a cloth diapering mom of two years (this makes me the most experienced cloth diapering mom on this post, but I didn't say that), and that we have a lot of rookies right now, and I would hate to see them get their hands on something that doesn't work, and get discouraged because of it, so we need to know exactly what kind of cloth diapers we're talking about here. I told her Gerber doesn't work as diapers, so if that's what it is, we're not interested, but if it's a quality brand, then it's a great deal, but we still need to know exactly what type of diapers they are just so people can know what they're getting.
She came back very defensively, and said, "It's a good deal. Even if it is Gerber, it's a good deal. You'd pay more for it at Wal Mart." I explained to her that it may be cheaper than retail even if it's Gerber, but no, in fact I would not pay more than that at Wal Mart, and neither would any of our other cloth diapering mommies, because we would not buy Gerber diapers in the first place, and to be stuck with 4 dozen of them, and out $25 would actually NOT be a good deal for us if that's what it is.
She then said that it was another brand I had named, one that is very high quality, but if that's what it was, then those diapers alone cost more than what she claims to have paid for the cake, or they're not prefolds, but are flats instead. I asked her if they were flats. She said, "Who cares if they're flats?!! It's a good deal!!" I explained once again that people have a right to know what they would be buying, and that just rattling off how good a deal it is, really doesn't do anything, because if it's a product any given one of us does not use, then buying it really is not a good deal at any price. We are just trying to make sure this product is something that one of us would want.
She got completely irate, and claimed to have sold it elsewhere. Yeah, right, but good riddance. As I said to one of our rookie cloth diapering moms later, I would bet anything that whole thing was Gerber flats. I'm so glad none of our new cloth diapering moms bought it.
It's something I've noticed about cloth diapers, though. People who don't use cloth, think a cloth diaper is a cloth diaper, and that they don't need to give any details of what exactly they're trying to unload on me (or my friends, or someone I'm teaching to use cloth). 100% of the time, it's something completely God Awful that would turn absolutely anybody off of cloth diapering. Of course, in finding that out, they'll tell us we should use it as burp rags. Sorry, but my $2/each diaper service quality prefolds do fine pulling double, triple, quadruple duty.... basically, filling any capacity I need them to, as diapers, burp rags.... I even wiped up spilled coffee with one the other day! I don't need a bunch of otherwise useless Gerbers getting mixed in with my stash, and neither does anyone else. It's simply not a product we can use. Just because it says cloth diaper on the package does not mean every person who cloth diapers will find it useful. What if I bought the worst quality disposable diapers on the planet... I mean, ones that have no leg elastic, fasteners that come undone all the time, even holes for a tail in random ones, and I tried to get you to buy them by saying, "Disposable diapers! They're a really good deal!" and you asked me what brand, and I just kept repeating what a good deal they were? If you are a Huggies devotee, would you buy them? No. You would not. So why would we cloth diapering mommies just buy any old thing made of fabric and marketed as a diaper?
It reminds me of when I raised goats, and everyone under the sun would try to sell us the worst quality goats for the craziest prices. You'd hear what the prices were and figure they had to be show quality if they're getting that much. Then you arrive at the farm, and see a bunch of scrub goats they picked up at the auction for $25 apiece to eat down brush in a horse pasture. Nope, sorry, not giving you $100 apiece for that. Yes, I know, you have a lot of goats. I don't care that you'll give me the food bowl for free. I'm not taking on that feed bill when it will get me nothing. People often did not understand this. After all, I raised goats, did I not? Well, yes, I did, but just like with this, just any one wouldn't do.
Another thing I learned in raising livestock is that in at least 100% of cases, when someone won't answer questions about what they're trying to sell you, and gets defensive when asked very legitimate things about their product, they are definitely going to screw you if you take that deal. Who knew this would come in so handy?
Some girl listed a cloth diaper cake for sale on a local wives' group. We happen to have a lot of wives who are members of that group who are just getting into cloth diapering. The deal seemed a little fishy, though. "4 dozen cloth diapers! I paid $138, you pay $25! Great deal." OK, so at first glance, WOW!! 4 dozen cloth diapers?! Why that's practically birth to potty training, and for $25?? Send every PVT's wife with one on the way THIS deal.
Not so fast, though. What brand are the diapers? What style? Prefolds? Flats? Anything but Gerber? I was the one who asked the questions first. A fellow cloth diapering mom, who also makes diapers, joined in with a few questions I forgot. I made clear that I am a cloth diapering mom of two years (this makes me the most experienced cloth diapering mom on this post, but I didn't say that), and that we have a lot of rookies right now, and I would hate to see them get their hands on something that doesn't work, and get discouraged because of it, so we need to know exactly what kind of cloth diapers we're talking about here. I told her Gerber doesn't work as diapers, so if that's what it is, we're not interested, but if it's a quality brand, then it's a great deal, but we still need to know exactly what type of diapers they are just so people can know what they're getting.
She came back very defensively, and said, "It's a good deal. Even if it is Gerber, it's a good deal. You'd pay more for it at Wal Mart." I explained to her that it may be cheaper than retail even if it's Gerber, but no, in fact I would not pay more than that at Wal Mart, and neither would any of our other cloth diapering mommies, because we would not buy Gerber diapers in the first place, and to be stuck with 4 dozen of them, and out $25 would actually NOT be a good deal for us if that's what it is.
She then said that it was another brand I had named, one that is very high quality, but if that's what it was, then those diapers alone cost more than what she claims to have paid for the cake, or they're not prefolds, but are flats instead. I asked her if they were flats. She said, "Who cares if they're flats?!! It's a good deal!!" I explained once again that people have a right to know what they would be buying, and that just rattling off how good a deal it is, really doesn't do anything, because if it's a product any given one of us does not use, then buying it really is not a good deal at any price. We are just trying to make sure this product is something that one of us would want.
She got completely irate, and claimed to have sold it elsewhere. Yeah, right, but good riddance. As I said to one of our rookie cloth diapering moms later, I would bet anything that whole thing was Gerber flats. I'm so glad none of our new cloth diapering moms bought it.
It's something I've noticed about cloth diapers, though. People who don't use cloth, think a cloth diaper is a cloth diaper, and that they don't need to give any details of what exactly they're trying to unload on me (or my friends, or someone I'm teaching to use cloth). 100% of the time, it's something completely God Awful that would turn absolutely anybody off of cloth diapering. Of course, in finding that out, they'll tell us we should use it as burp rags. Sorry, but my $2/each diaper service quality prefolds do fine pulling double, triple, quadruple duty.... basically, filling any capacity I need them to, as diapers, burp rags.... I even wiped up spilled coffee with one the other day! I don't need a bunch of otherwise useless Gerbers getting mixed in with my stash, and neither does anyone else. It's simply not a product we can use. Just because it says cloth diaper on the package does not mean every person who cloth diapers will find it useful. What if I bought the worst quality disposable diapers on the planet... I mean, ones that have no leg elastic, fasteners that come undone all the time, even holes for a tail in random ones, and I tried to get you to buy them by saying, "Disposable diapers! They're a really good deal!" and you asked me what brand, and I just kept repeating what a good deal they were? If you are a Huggies devotee, would you buy them? No. You would not. So why would we cloth diapering mommies just buy any old thing made of fabric and marketed as a diaper?
It reminds me of when I raised goats, and everyone under the sun would try to sell us the worst quality goats for the craziest prices. You'd hear what the prices were and figure they had to be show quality if they're getting that much. Then you arrive at the farm, and see a bunch of scrub goats they picked up at the auction for $25 apiece to eat down brush in a horse pasture. Nope, sorry, not giving you $100 apiece for that. Yes, I know, you have a lot of goats. I don't care that you'll give me the food bowl for free. I'm not taking on that feed bill when it will get me nothing. People often did not understand this. After all, I raised goats, did I not? Well, yes, I did, but just like with this, just any one wouldn't do.
Another thing I learned in raising livestock is that in at least 100% of cases, when someone won't answer questions about what they're trying to sell you, and gets defensive when asked very legitimate things about their product, they are definitely going to screw you if you take that deal. Who knew this would come in so handy?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
How do you do that without pain medication?
I get asked a lot how it's possible to have a baby, and not accept, nor want, pain medication. First of all, real easy. Read what's in that stuff. You won't want it within 10 feet of you, far less your baby. More importantly, though, pain itself is an interesting construct of the mind, and one that can just as easily be deconstructed to some degree.
When I think of pain, I think of a bad feeling that is useless, like what it feels like to break a bone, or have a headache. This pain is just there. It's wrong. It indicates a problem. Most of all, it accomplishes absolutely nothing. The sensations that come with labor and birth are not like that in the least. It is not wrong. In fact, it's very right. It's a great indicator that your body works properly, so it's actually an indicator that there is no problem. Most importantly, with each twinge and wave, a lot of work is being accomplished. Labor is not actually pain. It's just really hard work. Knowing this (not just saying it and thinking "hmm.... that makes sense", but REALLY knowing it) will help deconstruct the idea that western society has given women, that labor is painful. If you stop equating labor with pain, you won't perceive it as painful in the first place, and you'll cope very well with whatever comes of it.
Another thing that people often overlook in our society of 99% hospital births is that surroundings really do make a difference. I honestly believe that our country's 80% epidural rate would be cut in more than a quarter if people would just get out of the hospitals. Artificial surroundings are scary. They create all kinds of nasty hormonal cocktails in our brains, and we feel pain more intensely. This is the beginning of a vicious cycle that often culminates in a medicated birth, and subsequent medicated births, because the mom in question often comes to equate unmedicated birth as "suffering needlessly". In reality, this is due nearly entirely to the surroundings, and what comes of being in that environment.
People often ask how I got through my entire labor at home, unassisted, with Orren. They think I'm just trying to be a hero when I tell them it was easy, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. It really was easy. It wasn't painful. It was intense toward the end, and that's when we finally called our midwife and headed into the birth center (and when I decided that any others we had would be homebirths!) I can honestly say the only time that labor was even remotely painful was in the car. A car is an unnatural place to labor, and the position one is forced to be in while in a car, is extremely abnormal under those circumstances. When I was at home, it was easy because I just did whatever I wanted to do. When I wanted to walk, I walked. When I wanted to kneel, I knelt. When I wanted to take a bath, I took a bath. When I wanted to eat, I ate. What came of this was a nice fast labor that I would not classify as even remotely painful. Had I done what the American medical establishment wants women to do, and checked myself into a hospital when the contractions were five minutes apart, there is no way I would be able to say the same. The monitoring, the IV's, the artificial surroundings.... It messes with your head, and it's distracting. When you're on your own turf, you can deal with stuff better because you've got everything you need, and it's just a more comfortable place to be than anywhere else in the world. Doesn't it make sense that home would be the easiest, most painless, place to have a baby?
The bottom line is that when you remove societal programming from the equation, really evict it from your mind once and for all, and just do what you innately know how to do, you'll probably find that you won't want pain medication either.
When I think of pain, I think of a bad feeling that is useless, like what it feels like to break a bone, or have a headache. This pain is just there. It's wrong. It indicates a problem. Most of all, it accomplishes absolutely nothing. The sensations that come with labor and birth are not like that in the least. It is not wrong. In fact, it's very right. It's a great indicator that your body works properly, so it's actually an indicator that there is no problem. Most importantly, with each twinge and wave, a lot of work is being accomplished. Labor is not actually pain. It's just really hard work. Knowing this (not just saying it and thinking "hmm.... that makes sense", but REALLY knowing it) will help deconstruct the idea that western society has given women, that labor is painful. If you stop equating labor with pain, you won't perceive it as painful in the first place, and you'll cope very well with whatever comes of it.
Another thing that people often overlook in our society of 99% hospital births is that surroundings really do make a difference. I honestly believe that our country's 80% epidural rate would be cut in more than a quarter if people would just get out of the hospitals. Artificial surroundings are scary. They create all kinds of nasty hormonal cocktails in our brains, and we feel pain more intensely. This is the beginning of a vicious cycle that often culminates in a medicated birth, and subsequent medicated births, because the mom in question often comes to equate unmedicated birth as "suffering needlessly". In reality, this is due nearly entirely to the surroundings, and what comes of being in that environment.
People often ask how I got through my entire labor at home, unassisted, with Orren. They think I'm just trying to be a hero when I tell them it was easy, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. It really was easy. It wasn't painful. It was intense toward the end, and that's when we finally called our midwife and headed into the birth center (and when I decided that any others we had would be homebirths!) I can honestly say the only time that labor was even remotely painful was in the car. A car is an unnatural place to labor, and the position one is forced to be in while in a car, is extremely abnormal under those circumstances. When I was at home, it was easy because I just did whatever I wanted to do. When I wanted to walk, I walked. When I wanted to kneel, I knelt. When I wanted to take a bath, I took a bath. When I wanted to eat, I ate. What came of this was a nice fast labor that I would not classify as even remotely painful. Had I done what the American medical establishment wants women to do, and checked myself into a hospital when the contractions were five minutes apart, there is no way I would be able to say the same. The monitoring, the IV's, the artificial surroundings.... It messes with your head, and it's distracting. When you're on your own turf, you can deal with stuff better because you've got everything you need, and it's just a more comfortable place to be than anywhere else in the world. Doesn't it make sense that home would be the easiest, most painless, place to have a baby?
The bottom line is that when you remove societal programming from the equation, really evict it from your mind once and for all, and just do what you innately know how to do, you'll probably find that you won't want pain medication either.
Murphy's Law of Craigslist!
I found the bassinet and swing I was wanting on Craigslist for $250 together, which is a great deal since they're in excellent condition. They always do this a week before payday! And during the week when we've got to buy Erin's ballet recital costumes... Go figure.
Although, on the bright side, this stuff is never going to sell in El Paso. Nobody buys any of the stuff on there that's not totally lowball. (It bodes horribly for me when it comes time to sell my baby stuff, of course, but it's good for me as a buyer.) My stroller was on Craigslist for four months before I finally bought it. Orren's Plasmacar was on there for a super long time, too (it wasn't even expensive either!) This stuff will be there next month.
In case you were wondering what it is, here:
Fisher Price Zen Collection Swing
Fisher Price Zen Collection Bassinet
We already have the high chair from this collection, and it's gorgeous and very good quality. We want the swing to match for sure, and were considering the bassinet as well. To get both would be amazing. I guess we'll see if the listing holds. Maybe they'll even drop the price after a few weeks! Oh well.... not pushing my luck. I just thought it was so funny. You never see this stuff in this city. Everyone uses those death trap $100 bassinets from Wal Mart, and the swings that break after a few months. To find the Zen ones here was a pleasant surprise. I hope I get them!!! I think I will.
Although, on the bright side, this stuff is never going to sell in El Paso. Nobody buys any of the stuff on there that's not totally lowball. (It bodes horribly for me when it comes time to sell my baby stuff, of course, but it's good for me as a buyer.) My stroller was on Craigslist for four months before I finally bought it. Orren's Plasmacar was on there for a super long time, too (it wasn't even expensive either!) This stuff will be there next month.
In case you were wondering what it is, here:
Fisher Price Zen Collection Swing
Fisher Price Zen Collection Bassinet
We already have the high chair from this collection, and it's gorgeous and very good quality. We want the swing to match for sure, and were considering the bassinet as well. To get both would be amazing. I guess we'll see if the listing holds. Maybe they'll even drop the price after a few weeks! Oh well.... not pushing my luck. I just thought it was so funny. You never see this stuff in this city. Everyone uses those death trap $100 bassinets from Wal Mart, and the swings that break after a few months. To find the Zen ones here was a pleasant surprise. I hope I get them!!! I think I will.
Monday, January 10, 2011
"It's only six more years."
I swear, if I hear this one more time, I'm going to scream. Why is it that Thak's 14 years of Active Duty are simply not enough? When people get out after just a few years, it's seen as simply a choice, but when they get out after 10 or more, people don't hesitate to tell them how stupid a decision they think that is. Why? The more you serve, the less it's worth? They take for granted that people like Thak always serve until they're either pushed out for age or injuries, or die? Forget that. Let's look at what "only six more years" would give us, good and bad.
First of all, the unit Thak is in will deploy before this year is up. That would be his 4th combat tour. FOUR TOURS. Do you know anybody who's done four tours who isn't completely batshit crazy? Because I don't. I know people who have done four tours, yes. They are all completely screwed up. We know what three did. We are more than satisfied with using our imagination as to just what four may hold. Secondly, that would probably not be his last deployment. He may do as many as two more after that before becoming retirement-eligible. SIX TOURS??? Do you want your husband to do six combat tours? Didn't think so. Therefore, it is not a reasonable thing to ask of us. We actually LIKE the fact that only one out of our three children will ever have any recollection of what it's like to send daddy off to war.
Another thing is that Thak has pretty much topped out what he's going to be able to do in his MOS, and he doesn't really want to reclass. He's attained a nearly unheard of rank for soldiers of his MOS. He's earned medals that are incredibly rare for enlisted soldiers who are still living and have all their limbs. He's priced himself right out of the market, really. There aren't any slots for his rank in his MOS. He's working as a reenlistment NCO, which has absolutely nothing to do with anything he's done in the 12 years before coming here. To stay would be more of the same. Six more years of jerking around in jobs that don't suit him? Why? What would that ever do to advance him? We're moving on because, professionally speaking, it's time.
Now, to play a little devil's advocate, a lot of people talk about the money. We'll miss out on a lot of money since Thak will be making less on the outside, and he'll have to wait until age 60 to draw his pension from the Reserves (which, funny enough, is almost as high as his Active Duty pension would have been, thanks to all the years Active he put in!) Money. It always comes down to money, doesn't it? Let me tell you something about money. It doesn't mean jack shit compared to nearly anything else in life.
As we already went over, "only six more years" would include "only a few more deployments". Wow! Deployments are even more money! Here's the thing about that money, though. It means even less. I'll tell you, during Thak's 3rd tour, when I watched the casualty notification officer drive past my house, look at his address sheet, and look at my building number (which was really chipped) and spend what seemed like an hour, but was really less than a minute, trying to figure out if it was the address he was looking for, only to determine that it wasn't, and go next door to notify the neighbor that HER husband had been killed in the bombing we all had heard about earlier that day, I really didn't give a shit about the extra $1000 a month Thak was making. When the mortars came in and hit his position while we were on the phone, and I did not know for what seemed like an eternity whether he had survived the attack or not, pretty much the last thing on my mind was "well, at least we have a lot of money compared to what we usually have". Never having to do any of that again is worth about a hundred times as much as we'll lose in combat pay, pension years, and salary. No amount of new cars, designer purses, or jewelry will actually compensate for being forced to gamble at such high stakes. All anyone had at Ft. Stewart was money. We all drove brand new cars, and wore expensive makeup, and drank $100 bottles of vodka, but we were all miserable because money doesn't mean jack if you're getting it for gambling with your husband's life. Anyone who thinks it's worth it has never lived the life of seeing something bad on the news, and having it fall in your lap five minutes later, 100% of the time, for about five years.
Only six more years? If it's that simple, then you do it.
First of all, the unit Thak is in will deploy before this year is up. That would be his 4th combat tour. FOUR TOURS. Do you know anybody who's done four tours who isn't completely batshit crazy? Because I don't. I know people who have done four tours, yes. They are all completely screwed up. We know what three did. We are more than satisfied with using our imagination as to just what four may hold. Secondly, that would probably not be his last deployment. He may do as many as two more after that before becoming retirement-eligible. SIX TOURS??? Do you want your husband to do six combat tours? Didn't think so. Therefore, it is not a reasonable thing to ask of us. We actually LIKE the fact that only one out of our three children will ever have any recollection of what it's like to send daddy off to war.
Another thing is that Thak has pretty much topped out what he's going to be able to do in his MOS, and he doesn't really want to reclass. He's attained a nearly unheard of rank for soldiers of his MOS. He's earned medals that are incredibly rare for enlisted soldiers who are still living and have all their limbs. He's priced himself right out of the market, really. There aren't any slots for his rank in his MOS. He's working as a reenlistment NCO, which has absolutely nothing to do with anything he's done in the 12 years before coming here. To stay would be more of the same. Six more years of jerking around in jobs that don't suit him? Why? What would that ever do to advance him? We're moving on because, professionally speaking, it's time.
Now, to play a little devil's advocate, a lot of people talk about the money. We'll miss out on a lot of money since Thak will be making less on the outside, and he'll have to wait until age 60 to draw his pension from the Reserves (which, funny enough, is almost as high as his Active Duty pension would have been, thanks to all the years Active he put in!) Money. It always comes down to money, doesn't it? Let me tell you something about money. It doesn't mean jack shit compared to nearly anything else in life.
As we already went over, "only six more years" would include "only a few more deployments". Wow! Deployments are even more money! Here's the thing about that money, though. It means even less. I'll tell you, during Thak's 3rd tour, when I watched the casualty notification officer drive past my house, look at his address sheet, and look at my building number (which was really chipped) and spend what seemed like an hour, but was really less than a minute, trying to figure out if it was the address he was looking for, only to determine that it wasn't, and go next door to notify the neighbor that HER husband had been killed in the bombing we all had heard about earlier that day, I really didn't give a shit about the extra $1000 a month Thak was making. When the mortars came in and hit his position while we were on the phone, and I did not know for what seemed like an eternity whether he had survived the attack or not, pretty much the last thing on my mind was "well, at least we have a lot of money compared to what we usually have". Never having to do any of that again is worth about a hundred times as much as we'll lose in combat pay, pension years, and salary. No amount of new cars, designer purses, or jewelry will actually compensate for being forced to gamble at such high stakes. All anyone had at Ft. Stewart was money. We all drove brand new cars, and wore expensive makeup, and drank $100 bottles of vodka, but we were all miserable because money doesn't mean jack if you're getting it for gambling with your husband's life. Anyone who thinks it's worth it has never lived the life of seeing something bad on the news, and having it fall in your lap five minutes later, 100% of the time, for about five years.
Only six more years? If it's that simple, then you do it.
Today there's a huge NCO meeting, and one of the things that is going to be brought up, is my infamous typo from this weekend. It's just a little bit amazing, you know.... I don't even know what to say about it, really.
Was I wrong? Yes. There is absolutely no denying that, and you won't hear it from me. Even so, I think we need a little perspective on this. For one, while I know as a former soldier that intention doesn't mean anything, that all that matters is what happened, it wasn't malicious.... even though that doesn't matter to anyone. On the subject of what happened, though, the incorrect information was up for a total of 40 minutes. I made it right. More importantly, let's think about what it was. I gave an incorrect date. The result of that would be a few soldiers in each unit thinking they could reenlist now, when in reality, they have to wait a few months. This is not a release of classified information, or even a violation of the often misunderstood OPSEC. Nobody is going to get hurt because of this. I didn't endanger anyone.
The other thing that occurs to me is how crazy it is that stuff like this goes on, and people still hold that all wives have exactly the same thing in front of them. Do you have any idea how many pieces of crap information, some of which was actually detrimental to people or units, I have seen and heard from other wives every single day? Yet ONE TIME I get a date wrong, our phones are blowing up with very senior personnel going nuts over it, and the brass calls nearly 500 people into a meeting over it. All wives have the same situation, though, right? I've always known that was BS, but today (and the weekend before it) proves it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
It also proves, once again, that someone is always watching. I was surprised in a way WHO was watching. I didn't really think we were THAT visible to those levels of leadership, but obviously we are. It also goes without saying, that this proves that what we do has a lot of impact on what happens with our husbands. Deny it all you want, but everything gets back.
I guess in a way, I just wish years and years of doing great counted for something. Instead, it's almost as if this one oversight, literally a typo, is indicative of the way I live my life. Anyone who really knows me knows that's not true, but that's the way I know it was portrayed in the meeting this morning. That's how it always goes with the Army. You do one thing that somebody latches onto, and all the good you did before that goes by the wayside, and everyone laughs about what an idiot you are. The Army, for all its custom and courtesy, is extremely cut throat all the way to the very end.
65 days until terminal leave. They can never make it easy. I just didn't think it would be through me that they'd make Thak's life hell.
Was I wrong? Yes. There is absolutely no denying that, and you won't hear it from me. Even so, I think we need a little perspective on this. For one, while I know as a former soldier that intention doesn't mean anything, that all that matters is what happened, it wasn't malicious.... even though that doesn't matter to anyone. On the subject of what happened, though, the incorrect information was up for a total of 40 minutes. I made it right. More importantly, let's think about what it was. I gave an incorrect date. The result of that would be a few soldiers in each unit thinking they could reenlist now, when in reality, they have to wait a few months. This is not a release of classified information, or even a violation of the often misunderstood OPSEC. Nobody is going to get hurt because of this. I didn't endanger anyone.
The other thing that occurs to me is how crazy it is that stuff like this goes on, and people still hold that all wives have exactly the same thing in front of them. Do you have any idea how many pieces of crap information, some of which was actually detrimental to people or units, I have seen and heard from other wives every single day? Yet ONE TIME I get a date wrong, our phones are blowing up with very senior personnel going nuts over it, and the brass calls nearly 500 people into a meeting over it. All wives have the same situation, though, right? I've always known that was BS, but today (and the weekend before it) proves it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
It also proves, once again, that someone is always watching. I was surprised in a way WHO was watching. I didn't really think we were THAT visible to those levels of leadership, but obviously we are. It also goes without saying, that this proves that what we do has a lot of impact on what happens with our husbands. Deny it all you want, but everything gets back.
I guess in a way, I just wish years and years of doing great counted for something. Instead, it's almost as if this one oversight, literally a typo, is indicative of the way I live my life. Anyone who really knows me knows that's not true, but that's the way I know it was portrayed in the meeting this morning. That's how it always goes with the Army. You do one thing that somebody latches onto, and all the good you did before that goes by the wayside, and everyone laughs about what an idiot you are. The Army, for all its custom and courtesy, is extremely cut throat all the way to the very end.
65 days until terminal leave. They can never make it easy. I just didn't think it would be through me that they'd make Thak's life hell.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
The Tea Party is scary. Admit it.
Republican friends, you guys need to own this one, and start to police up your own. Stop denying that the Tea Party is all that bad, and saying wishy washy bullshit like "all parties have their extremists". While it is true that there are extremists of every leaning, we all know that the Tea Party is the most pervasive in recent years. Trying to pass this stuff off as anything else is absolutely insane.
For one, I would think Republicans would be more pissed with these Tea Party clowns than anyone else. After all, they claim to be Republicans! If I were a Republican, that would really piss me off. I wouldn't want those people claiming to be like me. If you actually look at what the ideals of that party are supposed to be, I'd say a solid 75% of people who claim affiliation with it have no business doing that, but the Tea Party is in basically the top 1% of that. Why do you defend these whackos? They're dragging your party down. Oust them! Let them know they don't represent you! Let Sarah Palin know she's nuts for being involved with this thing, and at the same time, portraying herself as a Republican politician! That's what I'd do if I were a Republican.
However, I am not a Republican. I am a third party type.... and don't you know that makes me a little crazy by default. OK, not really, but most people don't really get it when someone refuses to file him/herself neatly into the two party dichotomy. I lean mostly Libertarian, and you know who else claimed to? Timothy McVeigh, that Unibomber guy whose name I never spell right, and the majority of crazy militia members. My whole thing is that when these people did (or do) something idiotic, violent, and disgraceful, I didn't (or don't) sit there and say, "Oh, well, there are extremists on every side of the political spectrum." No. I say, "Wow. That guy (or those guy) is (or are) nuts. I want you to know, that's NOT what Libertarians are like, and I hate when people like that use this party affiliation as an excuse for doing stuff that deprives others of liberty, thus flying in the face of every one of the most important ideals of Libertarianism." Why can't the Republicans do the same when these Tea Party clowns drag their name through the mud? Why can't they acknowledge that what Sarah Palin is doing is completely extreme, and has actually done them a great disservice?
Instead of saying stupid and mostly irrelevant things to those of us who see this for what it is (talking about how PETA blows up science labs and stuff, even though PETA claims no political affiliation), why not acknowledge the situation, and maybe try to fix it? Sure, one person can't fix it, and honestly, 100 people probably wouldn't fix it, but if people began to just not accept this Tea Party crap, and said, "Yeah, I know. I can't believe those idiots." when people mentioned it, they would actually bring a lot more credit to their party than they do when they more or less side with the Tea Party by making wishy washy statements and defending Sarah Palin.
Common sense. Get some.
For one, I would think Republicans would be more pissed with these Tea Party clowns than anyone else. After all, they claim to be Republicans! If I were a Republican, that would really piss me off. I wouldn't want those people claiming to be like me. If you actually look at what the ideals of that party are supposed to be, I'd say a solid 75% of people who claim affiliation with it have no business doing that, but the Tea Party is in basically the top 1% of that. Why do you defend these whackos? They're dragging your party down. Oust them! Let them know they don't represent you! Let Sarah Palin know she's nuts for being involved with this thing, and at the same time, portraying herself as a Republican politician! That's what I'd do if I were a Republican.
However, I am not a Republican. I am a third party type.... and don't you know that makes me a little crazy by default. OK, not really, but most people don't really get it when someone refuses to file him/herself neatly into the two party dichotomy. I lean mostly Libertarian, and you know who else claimed to? Timothy McVeigh, that Unibomber guy whose name I never spell right, and the majority of crazy militia members. My whole thing is that when these people did (or do) something idiotic, violent, and disgraceful, I didn't (or don't) sit there and say, "Oh, well, there are extremists on every side of the political spectrum." No. I say, "Wow. That guy (or those guy) is (or are) nuts. I want you to know, that's NOT what Libertarians are like, and I hate when people like that use this party affiliation as an excuse for doing stuff that deprives others of liberty, thus flying in the face of every one of the most important ideals of Libertarianism." Why can't the Republicans do the same when these Tea Party clowns drag their name through the mud? Why can't they acknowledge that what Sarah Palin is doing is completely extreme, and has actually done them a great disservice?
Instead of saying stupid and mostly irrelevant things to those of us who see this for what it is (talking about how PETA blows up science labs and stuff, even though PETA claims no political affiliation), why not acknowledge the situation, and maybe try to fix it? Sure, one person can't fix it, and honestly, 100 people probably wouldn't fix it, but if people began to just not accept this Tea Party crap, and said, "Yeah, I know. I can't believe those idiots." when people mentioned it, they would actually bring a lot more credit to their party than they do when they more or less side with the Tea Party by making wishy washy statements and defending Sarah Palin.
Common sense. Get some.
Is your mechanic ripping you off?
As the token mechanic's wife out of all the people I know, I get a ton of questions about whether some tech is trying to get more for a job than it's worth. People often are afraid of getting screwed over by mechanics. I think that sucks, but I can understand why they think that. I have seen it happen to friends before. (In that instance, she was quoted $500 for a major repair, and it turned out all her car needed was a water pump and a thermostat. They got those parts for under $30 and Thak did the job for a 12-pack and some sushi.) Even so, I have to say, the majority of mechanics are honest, and most, contrary to popular belief, do not prey on unsuspecting women who come in alone with their cars. A really easy way to reduce your odds of that is to demand that your car ONLY be worked on by ASE Certified technicians. They have to be honest, and bill only for jobs they have done and that actually needed to be done, or they will lose their licensing. Thak being ASE Certified, we have learned a lot about what that really means, and one of the most interesting things to me was this stipulation.
Now, here's something I hear a lot:
"Anna, I need to talk to Thak. Those idiots at [insert name of dealership here] quoted me X amount of money for Y repair! Can you believe these ripoff artists?!"
In at least 90% of cases, Thak can substantiate that the repair in question really does bill at that amount.
Here's the disconnect. In a lot of cars, particularly newer model cars, they have shoved so much stuff into the engines that it takes a lot of work just to get to the relatively minor part that may need replacement. Since this takes a long time, the labor on replacing a $20 part may bill at $170 if it's a two hour job. (That's for this city. Other cities have higher or lower average labor costs.) Is that a lot of money? Oh. My. God. Yes. Is the mechanic ripping you off, though? No, actually he's not. This problem, as much as it pains me to admit it, is the fault of the engineers. Engineers don't work on engines in the body of a car. They work on them on stands. Therefore, things have been designed in such a way that it is time consuming to work on in a real world environment, and that's where your high shop bills are coming from, not from a dishonest mechanic in the majority of cases.
None of this is to say you shouldn't ask Thak. I would rather 100 people ask Thak just to be sure they're not getting screwed by some shop, than for one person to really get had by some dishonest mechanic. Unfortunately, though, high labor charges are not the mark of a dishonest shop, nor even a prima donna mechanic who thinks he's worth more than he is. They are the result of the design of cars in recent years, and where stuff is located, plain and simple. If you want to reduce your repair bills, you can do that by learning to change your own oil, learning how to replace a battery on your own, or even using the auto craft shop on post for this. Even minor repairs like this will really cut down on your shop bills so that when you do need some part replaced that is harder to do, it'll be a little less painful.
Now, here's something I hear a lot:
"Anna, I need to talk to Thak. Those idiots at [insert name of dealership here] quoted me X amount of money for Y repair! Can you believe these ripoff artists?!"
In at least 90% of cases, Thak can substantiate that the repair in question really does bill at that amount.
Here's the disconnect. In a lot of cars, particularly newer model cars, they have shoved so much stuff into the engines that it takes a lot of work just to get to the relatively minor part that may need replacement. Since this takes a long time, the labor on replacing a $20 part may bill at $170 if it's a two hour job. (That's for this city. Other cities have higher or lower average labor costs.) Is that a lot of money? Oh. My. God. Yes. Is the mechanic ripping you off, though? No, actually he's not. This problem, as much as it pains me to admit it, is the fault of the engineers. Engineers don't work on engines in the body of a car. They work on them on stands. Therefore, things have been designed in such a way that it is time consuming to work on in a real world environment, and that's where your high shop bills are coming from, not from a dishonest mechanic in the majority of cases.
None of this is to say you shouldn't ask Thak. I would rather 100 people ask Thak just to be sure they're not getting screwed by some shop, than for one person to really get had by some dishonest mechanic. Unfortunately, though, high labor charges are not the mark of a dishonest shop, nor even a prima donna mechanic who thinks he's worth more than he is. They are the result of the design of cars in recent years, and where stuff is located, plain and simple. If you want to reduce your repair bills, you can do that by learning to change your own oil, learning how to replace a battery on your own, or even using the auto craft shop on post for this. Even minor repairs like this will really cut down on your shop bills so that when you do need some part replaced that is harder to do, it'll be a little less painful.
I guess it has to happen to everybody eventually.
This morning, on the Garrison Commander's Q&A discussion board, I saw a post about reenlistment. That being Thak's area, and for some strange reason, the area most fraught with misunderstanding, I jumped in with a few little insights. Then when Thak woke up, I asked him for some definite answers to things. The answer to the question was September. I heard that as December (Erin was playing her violin and Orren was banging a drum at this point. You may imagine how this happened.)
I thought nothing else of it, and we went to the store to pick up a few odds and ends that I needed to make lunch. As we were in the check-out, Thak's phone rang. It was his boss. She had gotten a call from the head of reenlistment for this whole post (a Sergeant Major, just in case you were curious), and the gist was, "What the hell did your wife just say??" She also said there's going to be a meeting on Monday morning about the Garrison Commander's page, and you KNOW this is going to be part of it. Ugh.... sucks to be me.
So I got home, and was going to make another post to clear up this misunderstanding, and I had a message from this Sergeant Major about the same exact thing. Nice. She wasn't mean or rude or anything. She was just doing her job. It was just crappy that it had to go like that. Anyhow, I wrote her back, and made another post to clarify the information. The incorrect information was up for a total of 40 minutes.
The reason all this sucks is because of the timing. I have NEVER made Thak look stupid. Thak has consistently gotten compliments on how professional his family is, and how we're great, and how I'm such an asset to him. Two months before he begins terminal leave, all that just came crashing down. I hope that enough people know that I am NOT someone who gives out bad information, and realize that a once a decade screw-up is only human. This is the Army we're talking about, though.
Hello coals.... meet ass.
I thought nothing else of it, and we went to the store to pick up a few odds and ends that I needed to make lunch. As we were in the check-out, Thak's phone rang. It was his boss. She had gotten a call from the head of reenlistment for this whole post (a Sergeant Major, just in case you were curious), and the gist was, "What the hell did your wife just say??" She also said there's going to be a meeting on Monday morning about the Garrison Commander's page, and you KNOW this is going to be part of it. Ugh.... sucks to be me.
So I got home, and was going to make another post to clear up this misunderstanding, and I had a message from this Sergeant Major about the same exact thing. Nice. She wasn't mean or rude or anything. She was just doing her job. It was just crappy that it had to go like that. Anyhow, I wrote her back, and made another post to clarify the information. The incorrect information was up for a total of 40 minutes.
The reason all this sucks is because of the timing. I have NEVER made Thak look stupid. Thak has consistently gotten compliments on how professional his family is, and how we're great, and how I'm such an asset to him. Two months before he begins terminal leave, all that just came crashing down. I hope that enough people know that I am NOT someone who gives out bad information, and realize that a once a decade screw-up is only human. This is the Army we're talking about, though.
Hello coals.... meet ass.
Wow! Keep me out of there!
A girl I know had her baby at the local military hospital not long ago. It was a typical hospital birth story.... induction for no good reason, things "got complicated" (aka, the baby wasn't ready to come out, so he wasn't going to), and it ended in a c-section, and the baby being shipped across town to the NICU, where he stayed for a week.
You're not even going to believe why they did this. He inhaled fluid, and they put him on oxygen as a precaution. (The mom said they didn't suction him deeply enough, but suctioning in the way they do in hospitals is actually very harmful, and has been linked to speech and language delays, so honestly, they didn't need to do it at all, deeply or not.) They then sent him to the NICU for no good reason, and didn't denote that she had been treated for Group B Strep. (SEVEN DOSES of IV antibiotics!! HOLY SHIT, is that even legal?!!) So they treated this perfectly healthy baby for Group B Strep, which was a week long course of IV antibiotics. By the mom's account, he was perfectly healthy, and it was all precautionary.
What a bunch of idiots. First of all, it's been well proven in our very own country that antibiotics during labor have no effect on the transmission of Group B Strep during delivery. Furthermore, this was a c-section, so the odds of transmission were literally zero. What's more, IF a baby is born with Group B Strep, it is EXTREMELY obvious very soon after birth.
All this makes it so apparent what a bullet we dodged with Orren's birth. If I'd resigned myself to a hospital birth, as most women do, and done what I did, laboring at home until the very end, having no time for antibiotics (Why do you think I labored at home until the very end, when it would be too late to receive antibiotics? It was a simple way of not consenting to an unnecessary treatment. Plus, I just liked being at home better than being at the birth center.) So basically, Orren was born with no antibiotics, to me, a Group B Strep carrier. When he was born, Nancy told us to just watch him really closely for any respiratory symptoms. When we went home a few hours after he was born, Jill told us that pretty much if Orren had been infected, we would have seen some sign of it by now. We still watched Orren like a hawk for his first 24 hours of life, but he never showed a single respiratory symptom. He was fine. He was NOT the one baby out of 4444 who would contract Group B Strep lung infection during his birth. Even though this was abundantly obvious to our midwives right from the start, had Orren entered this world in a hospital, he would have spent his first week of life in the NICU, hooked up to an IV full of unnecessary antibiotics.
File that under, "This is why we homebirth."
You're not even going to believe why they did this. He inhaled fluid, and they put him on oxygen as a precaution. (The mom said they didn't suction him deeply enough, but suctioning in the way they do in hospitals is actually very harmful, and has been linked to speech and language delays, so honestly, they didn't need to do it at all, deeply or not.) They then sent him to the NICU for no good reason, and didn't denote that she had been treated for Group B Strep. (SEVEN DOSES of IV antibiotics!! HOLY SHIT, is that even legal?!!) So they treated this perfectly healthy baby for Group B Strep, which was a week long course of IV antibiotics. By the mom's account, he was perfectly healthy, and it was all precautionary.
What a bunch of idiots. First of all, it's been well proven in our very own country that antibiotics during labor have no effect on the transmission of Group B Strep during delivery. Furthermore, this was a c-section, so the odds of transmission were literally zero. What's more, IF a baby is born with Group B Strep, it is EXTREMELY obvious very soon after birth.
All this makes it so apparent what a bullet we dodged with Orren's birth. If I'd resigned myself to a hospital birth, as most women do, and done what I did, laboring at home until the very end, having no time for antibiotics (Why do you think I labored at home until the very end, when it would be too late to receive antibiotics? It was a simple way of not consenting to an unnecessary treatment. Plus, I just liked being at home better than being at the birth center.) So basically, Orren was born with no antibiotics, to me, a Group B Strep carrier. When he was born, Nancy told us to just watch him really closely for any respiratory symptoms. When we went home a few hours after he was born, Jill told us that pretty much if Orren had been infected, we would have seen some sign of it by now. We still watched Orren like a hawk for his first 24 hours of life, but he never showed a single respiratory symptom. He was fine. He was NOT the one baby out of 4444 who would contract Group B Strep lung infection during his birth. Even though this was abundantly obvious to our midwives right from the start, had Orren entered this world in a hospital, he would have spent his first week of life in the NICU, hooked up to an IV full of unnecessary antibiotics.
File that under, "This is why we homebirth."
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