I can show you the water, but you're going to have to take a drink for yourself.

I get the feeling that people are mildly curious about the things I do, but want me to completely decode this stuff for them to the point that they get mad at me when they have to do a little leg work. Don't get me wrong. It's AMAZING that cloth diapering is the newest trend on this post (we have had two dozen that we know of get started within the past week, with well over a dozen more planning on it soon!) and I think it's awesome when people ask me about how I've managed to avoid hospital birth, and somehow not go broke. I also am happy to tell anyone about Erin's school, and show them where they can get an application, and give them the number to call to schedule their campus tour.

The problem is that I had to do a ton of leg work to get to the point I'm at, and they're going to have to do a little, too. Granted, I've done the hard part. I know these options exist, and where to find them! I didn't have anyone to tell me that stuff when I started out. I had to find this stuff for myself, and it wasn't easy, none of it was. I got it done, though, because things aren't impossible for those who really want them. The problem comes when people expect that I can just hand it to them. I can't. I can show you where you need to go, and tell you what to expect along the way and when you arrive, but you're going to have to make the trip on your own just like everybody else.

To go over a few big ones:

Don't even ask me about cloth diapering, with the expectation of being told what you need to do to get started, if you've never so much as googled it. I had a girl yesterday tell me she wanted to use AIO's because they're the cheapest, and asking me what kind of inserts she should get. I told her that AIO's are far and away the most expensive, and that they don't need inserts, hence the name (AIO stands for "all-in-one"). I told her that her cheapest option would be two dozen prefolds, 4 one-size covers in her choice of brand, and 2 Snappi fasteners. She laughed hysterically and said she didn't know what any of that was. Google it. If you're not willing to even receive knowledge when it's put out there for you, then I can't help you.

What's more, I am NOT to blame if the thing you buy doesn't work out for you. If your baby is built exactly like Orren, and has exactly the same tendencies as Orren, and your water is the same as mine, and you have the same washing machine, and the same exact tendencies as me, I can tell you from start to finish what will work and what will not. As you may imagine, that situation never exists. There's a learning curve. I had to overcome it on my own, and so will you. I can help with some things, but getting mad at me when it's not always 100% idiot-proof is not justified in the least.

Also, if you don't tell me that your kid has a history of discipline problems, I had no way of telling you he wouldn't be accepted to the charter school. It's not my fault, ok? I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you guys, but probably the best thing about this school is the fact that none of the kids have a history of discipline problems and they expel the ones who develop them along the way. I support this policy 1000% because it's made Erin's learning environment very positive, and allowed her to learn and be stress-free. No, I won't help you appeal the decision. And no, you're not justified in being mad at me because it didn't work out. I also cannot get you into a full school when you're past the application deadline. Did you miss the part where we homeschooled for a year because we missed the application deadlines for all the charters?

Now, as for your birth, where's the hangup with paying for it? Seriously, if it's THAT MUCH of a priority to have these things which I value so much (and I believe that it is. I wouldn't have it any other way myself.) then why is it a big deal to pay up front for it and file for reimbursement later? They accept payments at the birth center. Every homebirth midwife in town accepts payments, too. You're not going to starve and die because you have to pay a few hundred a month for your birth. You'll see 70-80% of it back afterward anyhow. If the few hundred you won't see back concerns you THAT MUCH, then maybe you're a hospital birther at heart, and should just go with that. I can't make this free for you. It's not free for me. Don't you see me drinking water at coffee get togethers, and not going to any of the lunches out? I've had to give things up in order to pay my midwife. It was not a hard decision for me at all because I want this. If you want it, you'll do what you have to do to pay for it, too. I never said it was free. I said it was a good option.


I think my definition of easy, and other people's definition of it, may differ quite a bit. The fact is, though, the Army is a system, and if you want what the system's default setting is, then you will be able to get it with relatively little trouble. If you want something else, though, it's not going to fall in your lap like the Army's system output is. You're going to have to go get it. Others who have been there are invaluable as far as telling you where to go, who to talk to, and when to do it, but you're going to have to do your own leg work. Nobody's going to bring this stuff to you and drop it on your doorstep. If you really want it, that won't be a problem.