What a convoluted web of information and people we have here.

I knew a girl at Ft. Bliss.  I'll call her Betty for now.  Betty seemed to be a decent person, just a standard issue lower-enlisted wife with a toddler.  She seemed open minded enough, but wasn't very informed about things.  When she got pregnant with her second baby, that's where the trouble started.

First of all, she paid a lot of lip service to homebirth, birth centers, and things like that.  At the same time, she totally slammed a friend of mine for her work as a doula, saying it's not a real job, and unnecessary.  Also, when she found out she was having a boy, a bunch of us tried to talk her out of circumcising him, and that turned very ugly, very fast.  Her decision is not an informed one, but quite obviously made because she's midwestern and that's what they do there. (Really, some midwestern states still cut 80% or more of babies, whereas here in the south, those rates are more like 50%, and on the west coast, it's about 20%.) Obviously, that's not a good reason to cut a baby.  If you're going to do that, you need to have a really justified reason for it, and "because that's how we've always done it" is not adequate justification to perform a cosmetic procedure on a newborn.  Unfortunately, when some intactivist friends of mine got ahold of this girl, they tore her to bits for thinking it was ok to circumcise, and she got even more entrenched in her baby cutting ways.

That brings me to an important point.  It is important to talk to new parents and try to make sure they know the importance of keeping their baby intact.  The thing is, though, there is a right and wrong way to do this.  I find that people receive this information a lot better if I keep it level headed and factual, and focus on how unnecessary it is, rather than how cruel it is.  It is cruel, don't get me wrong, but that's not what someone wants to hear when they're planning on doing it to their kid, especially when they already did it to one.  The fact is, circumcision is unnecessary.  It prevents none of the problems people say it prevents.  If it did, those problems would be rampant in Europe, where nobody circumcises, and they're not.  It serves no medical benefit.  Our profit driven medical system promotes it merely for the money.  There is ample evidence that it is totally unnecessary, and that's the stuff to focus on when trying to sway a parent who is inclined to cut.  Yes, the procedure is cruel, and the anesthetic they use (when they do, which is only a minority of cases) is not sufficient to dull the pain, and yes, babies can feel pain.  It's wrong on every level, but it's important to keep that visceral reaction of disgust out of the picture when talking with people who were planning on doing it.

So, anyway, Baby Cutter Betty (as we've come to call her, not to her face, of course) happened to move here, and shock of all shocks, she hired this girl I know, we'll call her Persephone, as her doula.  I got the perfect opportunity today to try one last time to save that baby from the knife.  Persephone went to an appointment with Betty, who is now 38 weeks pregnant, today.  She was saying how it was so sad that Betty is so not empowered, that the doctors make her feel powerless and small, when that shouldn't be the case.  She also said that Betty had asked if she could be with her baby during his circumcision, and the doctor was not favorable about it.  Afterwards, Persephone told Betty, "What you should say is, 'I will be with my baby during his circumcision.' and if they've got a problem with it, they can show you the reg that says you can't."  So basically, by now, the lightbulb is going off in my head like a million times.  I was like, "OMG Persephone, have you talked to her about keeping her baby whole? I know some doulas do, and honestly, Betty is SO uninformed about basically everything, even though she is really defensive and claims to have done her research, I don't buy it for a minute.  This girl cuts babies out of cultural tradition, for no good reason.  Can't you talk to her about it?"

Persephone said that she would.  She said that she's found that it works really well to just ask her why she thinks what she thinks, and for her reasoning on it, then to inform her of the facts, and tell her to go home and research it some more.  That way, Betty has opted out of several very common interventions so far, interventions she was very sold on before.  Obviously, Persephone is onto something, and not only that, but Betty respects her.  I know that Persephone is this baby's last shot to keep the whole healthy body he will be born with, and not undergo unnecessary cosmetic surgery at mere days old.  I am so glad she's going to talk to her about it. 

She did say that she can only lay out the facts, and then she will support her decision either way, because that's really what she finds most important, that moms get support in their choices.  I understand her point there, and for Betty's sake, I'm glad she has that attitude.  Persephone is a great doula, no doubt.  I also think that Betty sort of got more than she bargained for when she lost a lot of friends over her defense of circumcision.  She said to me, "I hope the fact that I circumcise my boys doesn't hurt our friendship." and I assured her it wouldn't, but in truth, I can't even look at her anymore, knowing what she's going to do to that baby when he's born.  It breaks my heart and makes me want to puke.  Maybe you have to have sons to understand this.  Before I had my boys, I was anti-circ, but not really that strong about it.  I knew people who circ'd and people who didn't, and it was really neither here nor there.  Then when I had my boys, the thought of having them strapped to a board, and the most nerve-dense part of their entire body ripped, crushed, and sliced, all with insufficient, if any, anesthesia, became just so disgusting I could not understand how anybody could ever do that to a baby. Persephone only has daughters, so this issue isn't terribly personal to her.  I hope that her objectivity will help get her point across where I failed to.

I do think it was mighty interesting that I learned that Persephone was Betty's doula just this morning, and that Persephone happened to bring that up (not even knowing that I know Betty) this afternoon. I'm just crossing my fingers that Persephone gets through where I couldn't.  No baby deserves to be cut out of ignorance.