Thak went to another interview at BMW today. He told me it wasn't an interview. He was just going to meet the shop foreman, and talk over what he could bring to the company, and kind of talk details about working there. I told him that where I come from, that's called an interview, and so it was.
He was there for about half an hour, talking with the service manager and the shop foreman. In the midst of it, they told him that the General Manager, who is a retired soldier, looked over Thak's resume and said, "Hire him." The service manager and shop foreman particularly liked his electrical systems experience since BMW's are so electrical. They talked a bit more, and the group consensus was, "We like this guy. Hire him."
So long story short, Thak has been hired by BMW. This is obviously pending a few things, just a background check and a drug test, but that shouldn't be any issue. We got the dollars and cents details of the job, and it seems like a good offer. It's going to be tough at first because for a few months, they start their techs off at an hourly wage while they train in for the first few months, and that hourly wage is not high. We will have a really hard time those first few months, but we'll make it. After that, he'll begin on commission (that's what it's called when they do the repair jobs and are paid for their billable hours) and that will be better pay, but still a cut from where we are now. The good part is that within the next few years, the potential for growth is enormous, and the way they pay their techs after a few years, if they are good techs, and Thak is, is about the best we have found. It's not going to be easy at first, but we knew it wouldn't be. The potential is there. All Thak needs is a chance, and he can impress anybody. BMW has given Thak a chance, and we know they will never regret it.
It's just insane, you know. It's not even real yet. All we ever hear is about people trying for years to find jobs in this town, turned away everywhere they look, and of people in the automotive field trying for years to get hired on the shop floor somewhere, anywhere. Yet Thak has been looking for a job for about a week, and has been hired onto the shop floor at not just any dealership, but BMW. Outstanding does not even begin to describe this. He has worked so hard to get to this point. We have so much still to do and we're nowhere near where we're going to be, but this is a big giant leap in the right direction.
My husband is a BMW mechanic!!! How freaking awesome is that?!!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Little boys
They are very different from girls, but delightful none the less. We were actually talking about this last night with Alyson, who just had her son a couple weeks ago. (He's adorable, by the way. New babies are the sweetest things ever.) She has two daughters already, so this boy thing is brand new to her. I can identify. I was there just two years ago myself!
I had gotten used to having a little girl, and then when I found out Orren was a boy, I was very happy because I knew how badly Thak wanted a son, but that quickly was tempered by reality when we went to set up our registry right after we left the birth center. For the first time in my then five years as a parent, I ventured to the boys' side of each rack and aisle. As a girl mommy, I had never had to pay attention to this part of the world, but now, having one of each, the entire world of children's and babies' stuff was mine! Yay! Or not. About five minutes in, I looked at Thak and said, "None of this is very cute. I can't really bring myself to even register for any of this stuff since I don't even like it." Thak said, "Well, that's just boy stuff for you. Look at men's stuff. Is it very exciting? No. So why would boys' stuff be any different?" He had a point.
After a few months, I came to find dinosaurs, and rock and roll guitars, and skulls absolutely adorable, and acclimated to the bland color palate of boy gear. I think it helps that I have a daughter, too, so I get to venture over to the exciting and fun side of the aisle as well. I'm not stuck shopping ONLY for boy stuff like some of my friends who have several sons, but no daughters.
Other than that, boys are so different from girls. I noticed it when Orren was very young that he was different from Erin. Not only was he a fussier baby (but still not what most people would actually consider fussy) but when he got fussy, it was different from Erin. Erin would just get sad, and you'd pick her up, love on her a little, maybe tickle her, and she was happy again. Orren didn't get sad, he got MAD, and it was harder to comfort him. You had to actually figure out what was wrong, and fix it to his satisfaction. This got a lot easier after we figured out that he hated being wrapped up (kind of hard to accomplish for a winter baby).
Erin never launched herself off of furniture (although she did fall off a few times, and if daddy was deployed, that was bound to end up with a trip to the ER for stitches. Murphy's Law of deployments.) , took much interest in ride-on toys, or had to be taught not to hit, kick, and bite. Orren, on the other hand, has done all of the above. In fact, launching himself off furniture is a favorite activity, and he is currently driving his plasmacar (which he is now better at operating than I am!) up and down the hallway. We did have to teach him not to hit, kick, and bite. We've been bite-free for about half a year, but he still has to be reminded that we don't hit or kick people or animals if he gets mad. He's super smart, and really fun, but so different from Erin. He's a boy.
Alyson was saying that for a while, she was nervous to have a boy since she was so used to how girls are, and knew that boys are so much more active and rough. I totally know that feeling. I knew Orren would be different from Erin because he's a boy. What I never banked on was how much fun it would be. It's also important to note that even though little boys are active and like to play rough, they can be really nice, too. Orren says please and thank you, and if he runs into you or knocks something over, he says "sorry". He picks up things he knocks over, and has learned to be gentle with animals. (He says "Nice!" and pets them softly.) There is still a lot we have to work on, like when he wants to be somewhere that someone else is, he currently says "move" and pushes them. That won't go over well when he hits school in a few years, so we're trying to nip it now. Again, stuff we never had to teach Erin, but Orren is Orren, and he is absolutely delightful.
I am really glad I have a little girl and a little boy. They are both perfect.
I had gotten used to having a little girl, and then when I found out Orren was a boy, I was very happy because I knew how badly Thak wanted a son, but that quickly was tempered by reality when we went to set up our registry right after we left the birth center. For the first time in my then five years as a parent, I ventured to the boys' side of each rack and aisle. As a girl mommy, I had never had to pay attention to this part of the world, but now, having one of each, the entire world of children's and babies' stuff was mine! Yay! Or not. About five minutes in, I looked at Thak and said, "None of this is very cute. I can't really bring myself to even register for any of this stuff since I don't even like it." Thak said, "Well, that's just boy stuff for you. Look at men's stuff. Is it very exciting? No. So why would boys' stuff be any different?" He had a point.
After a few months, I came to find dinosaurs, and rock and roll guitars, and skulls absolutely adorable, and acclimated to the bland color palate of boy gear. I think it helps that I have a daughter, too, so I get to venture over to the exciting and fun side of the aisle as well. I'm not stuck shopping ONLY for boy stuff like some of my friends who have several sons, but no daughters.
Other than that, boys are so different from girls. I noticed it when Orren was very young that he was different from Erin. Not only was he a fussier baby (but still not what most people would actually consider fussy) but when he got fussy, it was different from Erin. Erin would just get sad, and you'd pick her up, love on her a little, maybe tickle her, and she was happy again. Orren didn't get sad, he got MAD, and it was harder to comfort him. You had to actually figure out what was wrong, and fix it to his satisfaction. This got a lot easier after we figured out that he hated being wrapped up (kind of hard to accomplish for a winter baby).
Erin never launched herself off of furniture (although she did fall off a few times, and if daddy was deployed, that was bound to end up with a trip to the ER for stitches. Murphy's Law of deployments.) , took much interest in ride-on toys, or had to be taught not to hit, kick, and bite. Orren, on the other hand, has done all of the above. In fact, launching himself off furniture is a favorite activity, and he is currently driving his plasmacar (which he is now better at operating than I am!) up and down the hallway. We did have to teach him not to hit, kick, and bite. We've been bite-free for about half a year, but he still has to be reminded that we don't hit or kick people or animals if he gets mad. He's super smart, and really fun, but so different from Erin. He's a boy.
Alyson was saying that for a while, she was nervous to have a boy since she was so used to how girls are, and knew that boys are so much more active and rough. I totally know that feeling. I knew Orren would be different from Erin because he's a boy. What I never banked on was how much fun it would be. It's also important to note that even though little boys are active and like to play rough, they can be really nice, too. Orren says please and thank you, and if he runs into you or knocks something over, he says "sorry". He picks up things he knocks over, and has learned to be gentle with animals. (He says "Nice!" and pets them softly.) There is still a lot we have to work on, like when he wants to be somewhere that someone else is, he currently says "move" and pushes them. That won't go over well when he hits school in a few years, so we're trying to nip it now. Again, stuff we never had to teach Erin, but Orren is Orren, and he is absolutely delightful.
I am really glad I have a little girl and a little boy. They are both perfect.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
And the baby is......
Chaiyo David.
Or possibly Sirikit Clare.
For now, it remains a mystery! He/She looked very healthy, but had the cord between his/her legs, and we were unable to tell boy or girl. We'll try again in a month. I didn't feel strongly that we would be able to tell this time, so I'm not disappointed about this at all. We're just Team Green for now, that's all.
I'm probably still going to start my Cottonbabies.com registry this week. It'll just be breastfeeding stuff for now, though. We already have all the gender-neutral diapers one family could ever want.
Or possibly Sirikit Clare.
For now, it remains a mystery! He/She looked very healthy, but had the cord between his/her legs, and we were unable to tell boy or girl. We'll try again in a month. I didn't feel strongly that we would be able to tell this time, so I'm not disappointed about this at all. We're just Team Green for now, that's all.
I'm probably still going to start my Cottonbabies.com registry this week. It'll just be breastfeeding stuff for now, though. We already have all the gender-neutral diapers one family could ever want.
On getting out of the Army
Somehow I've met A LOT of people lately whose husbands are getting out of the Army. It's pretty cool since at least there are some people who won't try to shame us because apparently 14 years of active service and 3 combat tours just aren't enough for one soldier. It's cool to know people who say, "Yeah I know exactly what you mean." when I say something like, "Yet another unpredictable training schedule. I cannot wait to be rid of this. Just a few more months."
At the same time, though, these people scare the crap out of me. I kind of see why so many people just assume that people who get out of the Army are bound to fail, and why Thak's boss told me the other day that she had never seen anyone so prepared for success on the outside, and that she is absolutely sure that Thak will do really well compared to others. To prepare as much as we have is uncommon. Most of these people think their husbands will go to school after they get out, that there are $30 an hour jobs waiting for veterans, that military experience is worth something on its own, and basically all the other rumors that swirl around in any unit at any given time. Having gotten out of the Army myself, I know how untrue all of this really is, so hearing people believe that stuff is really kind of scary.
Here are a few things people should know about getting out of the Army:
1) Your military experience is really not worth much on its own in most cases. Sure, there are some rare cases in which the experience you have in the Army translates directly to some job outside of the Army. The problem is that in most cases, the jobs like that will deploy you just as fast as the Army will. Isn't the point of getting out of the Army, not to deploy anymore? If that's a big selling point for you, then you should really be working on making your military experience marketable in the civilian world for as many years as that will take. If your military job would require a 4-year degree on the outside, then maybe you will need to go to school for four years before getting out. If you can get away with a 2-year degree to translate your military experience to the civilian market (and the majority of soldiers can), then that's what you should get. Yes, this will create a crazy schedule, and you will not have any free time to speak of for the years you do that, but what's better, doing that or continuing to deploy repeatedly because you didn't have what you needed in order to get out successfully? Military experience will very nicely augment a civilian education. It will nearly never replace one.
2) Waiting until you get out to go to school is a horrible idea if you have a family, and any rank to speak of. Yes, everyone knows people who get out of the Army can get unemployment pay for six months. Yes, we all know that the Post-9/11 GI Bill includes a stipend in the amount of an E5's housing allowance for your zip code. However, this is absolutely not enough money to live on. As far as unemployment, according to the state of TX's calculator, if Thak were to draw that particular benefit, it would amount to a little over $1600 a month. If he were to receive E5 BAH on the Post-9/11 GI Bill, that would come in just below $1000. That means we'd have $2600 to live on. That would be a complete disaster! Thankfully, he will be able to get a well paid job when he gets out, so while we will take a pay cut, it won't be as drastic as if we dropped down to the $2600 a month that those benefits would give us. Trying to live on $2600 a month and go to school is not a recipe for success. Go to school while you're still in the Army.
3) Stay where you're stationed for a few years after you get out. Going to school is a great way to network, and if you do that while you're still in the Army, you'll have all kinds of great connections to use when you are applying for jobs around the time you will be getting ready to get out! Don't waste this by moving right away. Establish yourself in your field locally, using the connections you have made, THEN move after a few years. Yes, you want to go home. Who doesn't? Becoming a soldier wasn't easy, and neither is finding your way out of the Army. The ones who have the least success of the people I know who have gotten out of the Army in the past 10 years, are hands down the ones who just ran back to their hometowns. The smart move is to stay where your connections are. Move once you have established yourself within your field and can possibly transfer within your company.
4) There is no such thing as a $30 an hour job. OK, so there is, but right out of the Army, you're probably not going to get one, even if you did go to school and make your military experience count for something civilian. The military pays you more than you will make on the outside, make no mistake about it. Nobody gets out of the Army for the money. Hell, nobody joins the Army for the money. If you wanted to get rich, you should have gone to medical school, or become a stock broker, or something. It is really dangerous to live as if you're going to walk right out of the Army into a $30/hour diesel tech job, though. Are there diesel techs somewhere on the planet who make that much? Yes. Let's just say that is not starting pay for anything in that field. Yes, a lot of colleges help people get jobs when they graduate, but look at the statistics on that, and be realistic. Most of the jobs they place people in are low paying. There are a few who get high paying jobs. They are the top of the class, and have done a lot of leg work on their own. I'm not saying it can't happen for you. It absolutely can. I am saying it requires an insane amount of work and financial investment (We've sunk thousands into licensing exams, study guides, additional tools, online practice tests, and other stuff that has helped get Thak to where he is today.), and let's not forget a ton commitment from the entire family. Be mentally prepared for that, and you will succeed. Think you'll just sail through and ultimately land in one of the few high paying jobs that exists, and you will have a hard time.
I am absolutely not saying that people who get out of the Army are destined to fail. I don't believe that for half a second. If I did, do you really think Thak would be getting out? Of course not. What I am saying is that this needs to be approached with a healthy dose of realism. You absolutely have to see this decision for exactly what it is. You are trading in every single one of Uncle Sam's safety nets for the freedom you and/or your husband fought for. You will be working without a net, and can absolutely fall on your face in the process, but good things come to those who are pragmatic. Sometimes that means making more hard decisions before you can reap the rewards. Getting out of the Army should be a process that takes years, because frankly, you sunk years into your Army career. You can't just end it overnight and expect any success in that. It's even more time consuming, and just as sacrificial, as becoming a soldier was in the first place. If you really want it, it's worth it, though.
At the same time, though, these people scare the crap out of me. I kind of see why so many people just assume that people who get out of the Army are bound to fail, and why Thak's boss told me the other day that she had never seen anyone so prepared for success on the outside, and that she is absolutely sure that Thak will do really well compared to others. To prepare as much as we have is uncommon. Most of these people think their husbands will go to school after they get out, that there are $30 an hour jobs waiting for veterans, that military experience is worth something on its own, and basically all the other rumors that swirl around in any unit at any given time. Having gotten out of the Army myself, I know how untrue all of this really is, so hearing people believe that stuff is really kind of scary.
Here are a few things people should know about getting out of the Army:
1) Your military experience is really not worth much on its own in most cases. Sure, there are some rare cases in which the experience you have in the Army translates directly to some job outside of the Army. The problem is that in most cases, the jobs like that will deploy you just as fast as the Army will. Isn't the point of getting out of the Army, not to deploy anymore? If that's a big selling point for you, then you should really be working on making your military experience marketable in the civilian world for as many years as that will take. If your military job would require a 4-year degree on the outside, then maybe you will need to go to school for four years before getting out. If you can get away with a 2-year degree to translate your military experience to the civilian market (and the majority of soldiers can), then that's what you should get. Yes, this will create a crazy schedule, and you will not have any free time to speak of for the years you do that, but what's better, doing that or continuing to deploy repeatedly because you didn't have what you needed in order to get out successfully? Military experience will very nicely augment a civilian education. It will nearly never replace one.
2) Waiting until you get out to go to school is a horrible idea if you have a family, and any rank to speak of. Yes, everyone knows people who get out of the Army can get unemployment pay for six months. Yes, we all know that the Post-9/11 GI Bill includes a stipend in the amount of an E5's housing allowance for your zip code. However, this is absolutely not enough money to live on. As far as unemployment, according to the state of TX's calculator, if Thak were to draw that particular benefit, it would amount to a little over $1600 a month. If he were to receive E5 BAH on the Post-9/11 GI Bill, that would come in just below $1000. That means we'd have $2600 to live on. That would be a complete disaster! Thankfully, he will be able to get a well paid job when he gets out, so while we will take a pay cut, it won't be as drastic as if we dropped down to the $2600 a month that those benefits would give us. Trying to live on $2600 a month and go to school is not a recipe for success. Go to school while you're still in the Army.
3) Stay where you're stationed for a few years after you get out. Going to school is a great way to network, and if you do that while you're still in the Army, you'll have all kinds of great connections to use when you are applying for jobs around the time you will be getting ready to get out! Don't waste this by moving right away. Establish yourself in your field locally, using the connections you have made, THEN move after a few years. Yes, you want to go home. Who doesn't? Becoming a soldier wasn't easy, and neither is finding your way out of the Army. The ones who have the least success of the people I know who have gotten out of the Army in the past 10 years, are hands down the ones who just ran back to their hometowns. The smart move is to stay where your connections are. Move once you have established yourself within your field and can possibly transfer within your company.
4) There is no such thing as a $30 an hour job. OK, so there is, but right out of the Army, you're probably not going to get one, even if you did go to school and make your military experience count for something civilian. The military pays you more than you will make on the outside, make no mistake about it. Nobody gets out of the Army for the money. Hell, nobody joins the Army for the money. If you wanted to get rich, you should have gone to medical school, or become a stock broker, or something. It is really dangerous to live as if you're going to walk right out of the Army into a $30/hour diesel tech job, though. Are there diesel techs somewhere on the planet who make that much? Yes. Let's just say that is not starting pay for anything in that field. Yes, a lot of colleges help people get jobs when they graduate, but look at the statistics on that, and be realistic. Most of the jobs they place people in are low paying. There are a few who get high paying jobs. They are the top of the class, and have done a lot of leg work on their own. I'm not saying it can't happen for you. It absolutely can. I am saying it requires an insane amount of work and financial investment (We've sunk thousands into licensing exams, study guides, additional tools, online practice tests, and other stuff that has helped get Thak to where he is today.), and let's not forget a ton commitment from the entire family. Be mentally prepared for that, and you will succeed. Think you'll just sail through and ultimately land in one of the few high paying jobs that exists, and you will have a hard time.
I am absolutely not saying that people who get out of the Army are destined to fail. I don't believe that for half a second. If I did, do you really think Thak would be getting out? Of course not. What I am saying is that this needs to be approached with a healthy dose of realism. You absolutely have to see this decision for exactly what it is. You are trading in every single one of Uncle Sam's safety nets for the freedom you and/or your husband fought for. You will be working without a net, and can absolutely fall on your face in the process, but good things come to those who are pragmatic. Sometimes that means making more hard decisions before you can reap the rewards. Getting out of the Army should be a process that takes years, because frankly, you sunk years into your Army career. You can't just end it overnight and expect any success in that. It's even more time consuming, and just as sacrificial, as becoming a soldier was in the first place. If you really want it, it's worth it, though.
What a crazy past couple of weeks....
So, first of all, tonight we're going to an appointment with Alyson.... at the birth center.... so we can use the ultrasound machine. You know what that means, right? We will hopefully find out if we're having a boy or a girl tonight!! I can't believe we're to that point already. We're almost to the 20 week mark, which is not the halfway mark for me, but close. I can't wait to see the baby on ultrasound in just a few hours! Seriously, if this baby is a girl like we think it is, I am so looking forward to shopping!!
Oh, and we will also be making our registry at Cottonbabies.com this week, once we find out what we're having, so for anyone interested in getting a present for the baby, that'll be a good place to start. I'll post the link for that when we get one.
OK, and otherwise, WOW. This past week has been insane, with Thak taking his resumes around town. Peers of his have been commenting that he is the most prepared they have ever seen for getting out of the Army. That's very good, and I really have no doubt that we will be fine out there. The response to the resumes has been amazing. We still have no final decisions on which offer Thak will take, and we have a little bit longer to make a final decision since all of this will begin with his internship, and that doesn't begin for another couple months. He has to go back to BMW and tour the shop, and meet again with the service manager, and everything like that. Their way of saying it was that they want to be sure it's what Thak wants. Well, we know it's something Thak would want. It's if they want him. It seems like they do. Basically, we're just trying at this point to figure out what the busiest shop is, where he'll be able to bill the most hours each week. His friend who works at Audi can bill 50-60 hours per week, easy, and the Audi business is growing. We don't know how many hours mechanics at BMW bill each week on average, but we do want something in that 50-60 range. (The way hours are billed is not quite how it seems. He would not be at the shop that many hours in order to bill that many hours. This is standard in the automotive industry.)
The crazy thing is that everyone and their brother has advice for us on this. It's kind of a pain, really, when they're not in the automotive field. We are really leaning heavily on our connections within the automotive field, especially locally, because they are most able to help with what the next move should be, since they're already where Thak is trying to be. We are so thankful for them. For everyone else, I wish they would remember that we're not stupid. Obviously he will choose whichever offer will pay higher, and whichever one more likely has a longterm need for techs. What's more, it doesn't matter what kind of car we would want more as far as where he would work. The fact is that on what a mechanic, even a Master Tech, makes, we couldn't afford any of these cars in the first place. What we would like to drive does not figure into it. By that standard, he would work for Dodge or Chevy, and the way they manage their shops just really is not a fit for who he is as a mechanic. Plus, the pay is way better in the luxury shops, and frankly, he's worth it. His instructors are all telling him he belongs in a luxury shop, and we're going to take their word for that. Judging by the response, it seems they were correct.
It has been an insane past week or so, and it's only going to get more so as we move into our last few months of Active Duty, and prepare for Thak's final test date, internship, and subsequent graduation, in addition to the baby's arrival. It's a very hectic time, with lots of big decisions and changes, but it's very good. For as crazy as it is, it seems to be working out for us so far. We just hope it continues that way.
Oh, and I can't believe I forgot this. It's amazing news. Thak's graduation date was moved back by two weeks! This means two really good things. For one, his results from his final test date will be in by then, so when he walks across the stage, he will have broken the school record for how many certifications he has gotten. His current number ties the record. Also, I will have had the baby by then! The original date that his graduation was planned for was a date when I really could quite well have the baby, and wouldn't that suck if they top graduate missed his own graduation because his wife was in labor? Yeah, that would really blow. Now that's not going to happen. The baby will be in the audience with mommy and Orren (and Erin if she doesn't go to Florida, which she probably will) to see daddy graduate! That was great news!
Oh, and we will also be making our registry at Cottonbabies.com this week, once we find out what we're having, so for anyone interested in getting a present for the baby, that'll be a good place to start. I'll post the link for that when we get one.
OK, and otherwise, WOW. This past week has been insane, with Thak taking his resumes around town. Peers of his have been commenting that he is the most prepared they have ever seen for getting out of the Army. That's very good, and I really have no doubt that we will be fine out there. The response to the resumes has been amazing. We still have no final decisions on which offer Thak will take, and we have a little bit longer to make a final decision since all of this will begin with his internship, and that doesn't begin for another couple months. He has to go back to BMW and tour the shop, and meet again with the service manager, and everything like that. Their way of saying it was that they want to be sure it's what Thak wants. Well, we know it's something Thak would want. It's if they want him. It seems like they do. Basically, we're just trying at this point to figure out what the busiest shop is, where he'll be able to bill the most hours each week. His friend who works at Audi can bill 50-60 hours per week, easy, and the Audi business is growing. We don't know how many hours mechanics at BMW bill each week on average, but we do want something in that 50-60 range. (The way hours are billed is not quite how it seems. He would not be at the shop that many hours in order to bill that many hours. This is standard in the automotive industry.)
The crazy thing is that everyone and their brother has advice for us on this. It's kind of a pain, really, when they're not in the automotive field. We are really leaning heavily on our connections within the automotive field, especially locally, because they are most able to help with what the next move should be, since they're already where Thak is trying to be. We are so thankful for them. For everyone else, I wish they would remember that we're not stupid. Obviously he will choose whichever offer will pay higher, and whichever one more likely has a longterm need for techs. What's more, it doesn't matter what kind of car we would want more as far as where he would work. The fact is that on what a mechanic, even a Master Tech, makes, we couldn't afford any of these cars in the first place. What we would like to drive does not figure into it. By that standard, he would work for Dodge or Chevy, and the way they manage their shops just really is not a fit for who he is as a mechanic. Plus, the pay is way better in the luxury shops, and frankly, he's worth it. His instructors are all telling him he belongs in a luxury shop, and we're going to take their word for that. Judging by the response, it seems they were correct.
It has been an insane past week or so, and it's only going to get more so as we move into our last few months of Active Duty, and prepare for Thak's final test date, internship, and subsequent graduation, in addition to the baby's arrival. It's a very hectic time, with lots of big decisions and changes, but it's very good. For as crazy as it is, it seems to be working out for us so far. We just hope it continues that way.
Oh, and I can't believe I forgot this. It's amazing news. Thak's graduation date was moved back by two weeks! This means two really good things. For one, his results from his final test date will be in by then, so when he walks across the stage, he will have broken the school record for how many certifications he has gotten. His current number ties the record. Also, I will have had the baby by then! The original date that his graduation was planned for was a date when I really could quite well have the baby, and wouldn't that suck if they top graduate missed his own graduation because his wife was in labor? Yeah, that would really blow. Now that's not going to happen. The baby will be in the audience with mommy and Orren (and Erin if she doesn't go to Florida, which she probably will) to see daddy graduate! That was great news!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Is it luck, or maybe something more?
There's always a ton of talk about trying to plan things, and what I really hate is the hopeless group consensus of military wives these days. "You might as well just get married at the courthouse, because by the time you plan a real wedding, he'll just be deployed for it." "You might as well decide whether you want your husband there for your pregnancies or your births, because you won't get both." "You will NEVER be able to plan when your husband comes home on R&R or from deployment. No date you will ever be given is good." "You'll be without your household goods for at least a month when you arrive at your new duty station."
Really, ladies? Are you serious? When people say this stuff around me, especially to new ones (and it scares the crap out of them every time), I tell how Thak and I had a real wedding between his first and second deployments, how I have not done an entire pregnancy nor a birth alone since being married, we've always had concrete R&R and homecoming dates from the beginning, and how we only waited three days for our stuff when we got here. People always say we've just been lucky, and that not everyone should bank on that.
I'll admit, luck has something to do with it. We had to conceive on the first try in order to get our R&R baby, Orren. Only 20% of couples can do that. We're lucky in that.
Beyond that, though, most of it comes down to being smart. Our wedding? Well, you learn the unit's deployment rotation, and you work around it. We also knew that as soon as our wedding invites went out, our First Sergeant was going to throw a fit, attempt to try him for fraternization (although we were NOT together before I got out, contrary to the entire battalion's belief) and Thak would get orders somewhere completely random. We knew I would never return to Ft. Hood as a wife. Our First Sergeant would not have that, and he was well connected enough to get rid of situations like that. We wanted Thak to leave Ft. Hood in the first place, so we saw that as an advantage. Anyhow, we the time it takes to out-process Ft. Hood gave us enough time to have a real wedding. We timed sending our invites out with how long it would take 1SG to pull strings and bring orders down, and how long it would take to out-process Ft. Hood after that. We timed it perfectly. Three weeks prior to our wedding, the orders came for Ft. Stewart (which was a lot less random than we were expecting!). Perfect. There was NO luck in that. We knew what we were working with, and we used it to our advantage. Although I would have preferred Vegas to what we had (Thak wouldn't go for it.... boooo....), we had a real wedding, not some courthouse thing. No need to resign yourself to a courthouse wedding. Just be smart when you plan your real one.
As for the babies, there is a little luck and a little intelligence in that. If you are extremely fertile, you can absolutely time it where you will never spend a day of your pregnancy alone, and you will have your husband on hand for the birth. I didn't want to chance it in the days of less than a year between deployments, which is why we did the R&R baby thing. The luck comes in there, of course, but also a little intelligence. If you take R&R right in the middle of a 15 month deployment, even if you conceive then, you'll be alone for nearly your entire pregnancy, which is BS in my opinion, so you have to be willing to take R&R like a year in, as we did. No, that wasn't easy. Having Thak around for everything important, however? That was very nice. Also, don't be a complete idiot and try to conceive when your husband has deployment orders if you don't want to give birth alone. If you do that, then you really can't complain when it happens, nor use your experience as a way to scare other wives that it's impossible to have your husband around for your pregnancies and births. I have been doing this longer than a lot of these people, and I have gotten things my way because that is the way we have planned them. You don't have to be ok with having a baby alone in this lifestyle. I'm NOT ok with that in any way, shape, or form, and I haven't had to. Be smart.
As far as planning R&R dates, this does depend a little on circumstance, but also on being smart. My husband is a well-respected NCO, and as such, he's always had strings to pull when it comes to his R&R dates. Has he always done it in ways I consider wise? Well, no.... (During his 2nd, he came home for our anniversary, which was only 2 1/2 months in. That was stupid. During his 3rd, he learned to consult me before making these decisions.) The fact is, he has strings to pull, though, and he has used them diligently. It also can require under the table agreements that would seem very strange to civilians. When Thak and I decided to try for an R&R baby during his 3rd tour, we charted out when would PROBABLY be the best dates for him to come home and he got locked in for those dates, but as a backup, he talked with this one Lieutenant about the situation, and asked her if she would switch with him if it turned out that his dates weren't going to be right (her R&R was 2 weeks after his). She agreed to it. It didn't come to that, as Thak's original dates were good, but we had a backup plan just in case. This is the Army. Sometimes you have to do stuff like that. Be smart. Be pragmatic. Use connections if you have them. It helps if you do. Make connections if you do not have them, and gain all the rank you can before having children. People wouldn't do this for a PVT.
As for moving, again, I am seeing some level of rank issue there. I see lower-enlisted families waiting forever for their stuff, while NCO and Officer families get their stuff semi-fast to really fast. I mean, they mark your rank on the boxes. It's not inconceivable that they tend to put a rush on it when it's someone who's well established, but will put those who are not kind of to the bottom of the pile. I mean, what's a PVT going to do to you if you make him wait a month for his household goods? Call and yell at you? Yeah, ok... If they do that to a senior NCO or an Officer, they could find themselves taken off the defense contracted mover list. People would say this comes down to luck, but it really doesn't. Thak's rank has nothing to do with luck. He has seriously worked his ass off for every chevron and rocker, and has done so for 18 years. You kind of can't say there's luck in that. Was I lucky to marry him at mid-career so that I never had to play the lower-enlisted wife game? Again, not really. If I married an Active Duty soldier, I would ONLY marry an NCO. I am smart enough not to put myself in a position of having to deal with lower-enlisted garbage as a wife (I dealt with it enough when I was a lower-enlisted soldier!!) and my husband is smart enough to get promoted to a near impossible rank for his field. If you ARE a lower-enlisted wife, though, I have two words for you: DITY Move. Move your own stuff. You will NEVER have this problem again, and you'll bank a ton of money off it. Again, be smart.
I do believe there is a little luck in life. There are situations I have avoided by virtue of who Thak is, who he knows, and what he's able to do based on what he did long before we even knew each other. That does make my life a little easier. Even with that at play, though, I was smart enough to marry Thak, and WE are smart enough to see situations for what they are, and not what we wish they were, and react accordingly. This has made our lives much nicer than the average military family.
Really, ladies? Are you serious? When people say this stuff around me, especially to new ones (and it scares the crap out of them every time), I tell how Thak and I had a real wedding between his first and second deployments, how I have not done an entire pregnancy nor a birth alone since being married, we've always had concrete R&R and homecoming dates from the beginning, and how we only waited three days for our stuff when we got here. People always say we've just been lucky, and that not everyone should bank on that.
I'll admit, luck has something to do with it. We had to conceive on the first try in order to get our R&R baby, Orren. Only 20% of couples can do that. We're lucky in that.
Beyond that, though, most of it comes down to being smart. Our wedding? Well, you learn the unit's deployment rotation, and you work around it. We also knew that as soon as our wedding invites went out, our First Sergeant was going to throw a fit, attempt to try him for fraternization (although we were NOT together before I got out, contrary to the entire battalion's belief) and Thak would get orders somewhere completely random. We knew I would never return to Ft. Hood as a wife. Our First Sergeant would not have that, and he was well connected enough to get rid of situations like that. We wanted Thak to leave Ft. Hood in the first place, so we saw that as an advantage. Anyhow, we the time it takes to out-process Ft. Hood gave us enough time to have a real wedding. We timed sending our invites out with how long it would take 1SG to pull strings and bring orders down, and how long it would take to out-process Ft. Hood after that. We timed it perfectly. Three weeks prior to our wedding, the orders came for Ft. Stewart (which was a lot less random than we were expecting!). Perfect. There was NO luck in that. We knew what we were working with, and we used it to our advantage. Although I would have preferred Vegas to what we had (Thak wouldn't go for it.... boooo....), we had a real wedding, not some courthouse thing. No need to resign yourself to a courthouse wedding. Just be smart when you plan your real one.
As for the babies, there is a little luck and a little intelligence in that. If you are extremely fertile, you can absolutely time it where you will never spend a day of your pregnancy alone, and you will have your husband on hand for the birth. I didn't want to chance it in the days of less than a year between deployments, which is why we did the R&R baby thing. The luck comes in there, of course, but also a little intelligence. If you take R&R right in the middle of a 15 month deployment, even if you conceive then, you'll be alone for nearly your entire pregnancy, which is BS in my opinion, so you have to be willing to take R&R like a year in, as we did. No, that wasn't easy. Having Thak around for everything important, however? That was very nice. Also, don't be a complete idiot and try to conceive when your husband has deployment orders if you don't want to give birth alone. If you do that, then you really can't complain when it happens, nor use your experience as a way to scare other wives that it's impossible to have your husband around for your pregnancies and births. I have been doing this longer than a lot of these people, and I have gotten things my way because that is the way we have planned them. You don't have to be ok with having a baby alone in this lifestyle. I'm NOT ok with that in any way, shape, or form, and I haven't had to. Be smart.
As far as planning R&R dates, this does depend a little on circumstance, but also on being smart. My husband is a well-respected NCO, and as such, he's always had strings to pull when it comes to his R&R dates. Has he always done it in ways I consider wise? Well, no.... (During his 2nd, he came home for our anniversary, which was only 2 1/2 months in. That was stupid. During his 3rd, he learned to consult me before making these decisions.) The fact is, he has strings to pull, though, and he has used them diligently. It also can require under the table agreements that would seem very strange to civilians. When Thak and I decided to try for an R&R baby during his 3rd tour, we charted out when would PROBABLY be the best dates for him to come home and he got locked in for those dates, but as a backup, he talked with this one Lieutenant about the situation, and asked her if she would switch with him if it turned out that his dates weren't going to be right (her R&R was 2 weeks after his). She agreed to it. It didn't come to that, as Thak's original dates were good, but we had a backup plan just in case. This is the Army. Sometimes you have to do stuff like that. Be smart. Be pragmatic. Use connections if you have them. It helps if you do. Make connections if you do not have them, and gain all the rank you can before having children. People wouldn't do this for a PVT.
As for moving, again, I am seeing some level of rank issue there. I see lower-enlisted families waiting forever for their stuff, while NCO and Officer families get their stuff semi-fast to really fast. I mean, they mark your rank on the boxes. It's not inconceivable that they tend to put a rush on it when it's someone who's well established, but will put those who are not kind of to the bottom of the pile. I mean, what's a PVT going to do to you if you make him wait a month for his household goods? Call and yell at you? Yeah, ok... If they do that to a senior NCO or an Officer, they could find themselves taken off the defense contracted mover list. People would say this comes down to luck, but it really doesn't. Thak's rank has nothing to do with luck. He has seriously worked his ass off for every chevron and rocker, and has done so for 18 years. You kind of can't say there's luck in that. Was I lucky to marry him at mid-career so that I never had to play the lower-enlisted wife game? Again, not really. If I married an Active Duty soldier, I would ONLY marry an NCO. I am smart enough not to put myself in a position of having to deal with lower-enlisted garbage as a wife (I dealt with it enough when I was a lower-enlisted soldier!!) and my husband is smart enough to get promoted to a near impossible rank for his field. If you ARE a lower-enlisted wife, though, I have two words for you: DITY Move. Move your own stuff. You will NEVER have this problem again, and you'll bank a ton of money off it. Again, be smart.
I do believe there is a little luck in life. There are situations I have avoided by virtue of who Thak is, who he knows, and what he's able to do based on what he did long before we even knew each other. That does make my life a little easier. Even with that at play, though, I was smart enough to marry Thak, and WE are smart enough to see situations for what they are, and not what we wish they were, and react accordingly. This has made our lives much nicer than the average military family.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Why I hate lower-enlisted rumors.
I swear, the doing away with families being able to formally acknowledge rank has had many bad consequences, but the worst of them has got to be the pervasiveness of lower-enlisted rumors. Having been a lower-enlisted soldier myself once upon a time, I can tell you that lower-enlisted soldiers go on almost nothing but rumors. You don't really get told anything when you're at the bottom of the totem pole, and that's really as it should be, for numerous reasons. To make up for the lack of real information, lower-enlisted soldiers fill the space with rumors. This, of course, translates quickly to their families, and they start telling this stuff to people all over post. "Well, MY husband said that when you've been in the Army for a year, they issue you a sparkly pink unicorn to ride to work!!" to which someone like myself would reply, "Where on earth did he hear that? I can tell you for a fact that the Army does not issue sparkly pink unicorns. Soldiers who have them, bought them out of pocket." Then they argue with you, because THEIR HUSBAND SAID that he was going to get a sparkly pink unicorn issued by unit supply when he reached a year of service next week, By God, and who are you to say otherwise?! If someone such as myself, states the obvious, that our husband, with a couple decades of service to his credit, has never been issued a sparkly pink unicorn, and that there is no such program, according to the entire Command Group, whose staff he is a member of, then that's still grounds for argument that indeed, her husband WILL come home with an Army-issued sparkly pink unicorn next week on his Army anniversary.
Now, why does this matter? Who cares if some PVT's wife is readying a stable for a sparkly pink unicorn that will never come? Well, bad information is pervasive. It gets around and before long, people like me, are hearing this shit from every corner, and these wives who have the bad information are calling people like Thak all day long, irate because their sparkly pink unicorn never arrived, when really, the Army does not issue sparkly pink unicorns, and they've been told so 100 times. Therefore, it detracts from missions involving real concerns, not sparkly pink unicorns.
I wish people would be more honest with themselves about who their husband is, and where he stacks up in the unit. I'm honest with myself about this. Since Thak is well connected enough within the unit, and of such a rank to get into certain important meetings from time to time, I generally get very good and complete information from him. He's never brought me a rumor. We've always known exact dates for absolutely everything, even if it was 15 months away, and been pretty well able to get what we need because we work with real facts. I'm lucky that my husband is in a position to get that for me. However, if a Colonel's wife told me, "Hey, Anna, you're working with some outdated information there. Joe told me that next week, they're changing policy in these ways." I would listen to her, and take that information back to Thak. She has a higher link to information than I have, and I will take anything she'll give me as long as she's not trying to BS me (and some do that. You learn pretty fast how to tell the difference.) I think the best thing any wife can do for herself is really learn where her husband falls in the unit hierarchy, and realize that the distribution of information is not equitable, and for good reason. That way, people like me do not end up discussing things as ridiculous as sparkly pink unicorns with people who probably should know better.
Now, why does this matter? Who cares if some PVT's wife is readying a stable for a sparkly pink unicorn that will never come? Well, bad information is pervasive. It gets around and before long, people like me, are hearing this shit from every corner, and these wives who have the bad information are calling people like Thak all day long, irate because their sparkly pink unicorn never arrived, when really, the Army does not issue sparkly pink unicorns, and they've been told so 100 times. Therefore, it detracts from missions involving real concerns, not sparkly pink unicorns.
I wish people would be more honest with themselves about who their husband is, and where he stacks up in the unit. I'm honest with myself about this. Since Thak is well connected enough within the unit, and of such a rank to get into certain important meetings from time to time, I generally get very good and complete information from him. He's never brought me a rumor. We've always known exact dates for absolutely everything, even if it was 15 months away, and been pretty well able to get what we need because we work with real facts. I'm lucky that my husband is in a position to get that for me. However, if a Colonel's wife told me, "Hey, Anna, you're working with some outdated information there. Joe told me that next week, they're changing policy in these ways." I would listen to her, and take that information back to Thak. She has a higher link to information than I have, and I will take anything she'll give me as long as she's not trying to BS me (and some do that. You learn pretty fast how to tell the difference.) I think the best thing any wife can do for herself is really learn where her husband falls in the unit hierarchy, and realize that the distribution of information is not equitable, and for good reason. That way, people like me do not end up discussing things as ridiculous as sparkly pink unicorns with people who probably should know better.
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