Parents these days...

I swear, parents are so weird these days. It's not just the obnoxious toddler mommies who think they are qualified to give advice concerning school aged kids and issues thereof, or can't quite fathom why my 6-year-old would not enjoy their kid's Dora the Explorer themed 2nd birthday party.

No, this is about other things. There was a recent conversation about alcohol consumption during pregnancy. Now, while I didn't drink while pregnant, I know plenty of people who have had a glass of wine every now and again, and have heard plenty of doctors say it's fine to do that, as long as it's not frequent. I've even heard some midwives advise patients to drink two glasses of red wine prior to them attempting to turn a breech baby to the correct position. It is to relax them, and actually, it's a lot less harmful to the baby than the usual method of relaxing the mom for that particular procedure. What is that method, you ask? An epidural, of course!! Yes, two glasses of wine (granted, as an isolated incident, not on a weekly basis or anything) causes LESS harm to the baby than an epidural.

At the mention of this, I am assumed to be a stupid and abusive mother who doesn't care about my babies. Hmmmm ok.... That's why I planned natural, non-hospital births (yeah yeah, only one was a success), attempted to breastfeed, vaccinated selectively, and feed them the best food possible (while your kid ate nuggets and fries last night, my two ate baked tilapia, brown rice, and lima beans). You're right. I don't give a crap about these kids. In fact, where did the small one go, and why is the front door open? And why is the bigger one playing with a bottle of Drano while watching Jerry Springer? Just kidding.

Seriously, though, the implication that anyone who doesn't believe that one sip of wine late in pregnancy will condemn the baby to a life of disability and hardship, is uncaring and abusive is just ridiculous. It only makes it 100 times more ridiculous to me that it comes from people who ALL had intervention-laden hospital births, complete with epidural. Just ask them. They'll sing the praises of that disgusting epidural all day long.

Let me just expand on the hypocrisy of that for just a minute. Wine comes from grapes. You can even buy organic wine. The drug in an epidural is derived from cocaine. A small glass of wine stays with you for an hour or so. In many cases, an epidural flows all day. Have you ever seen a baby born to a mom who had an epidural? They're drugged! Is it any wonder WHY that is? No, of course not. I mean, it takes a strong substance to completely numb the body from chest to toe. This substance is much stronger than a glass of wine.

I'm not just talking about this based on the things I've read. I actually had an epidural during my first labor, and I'll tell you, that was a disgusting and awful thing, which I wouldn't recommend to my worst enemy, far less anyone else! The drugs in that thing are no joke. It feels like you drank or inhaled everything under the kitchen sink, and chased it down with a fifth of vodka. It is an absolutely disgusting feeling, and I have no idea why so many people think it's better than just feeling the contractions. It isn't. Plus, the recovery time after that type of birth is dismal. It takes days to feel better. Additionally, the baby is born drugged, and not the least bit alert. Erin was practically asleep. With Orren's birth, which was totally unmedicated, intervention-free, and exactly the way nature (and I) intended, 5 minutes after he was born, I was up and about, and felt like dancing, or running a marathon, or singing, or jumping in the ocean, or something! He was alert, and stayed awake with me and Thak for hours after he was born. He also nursed much more strongly than Erin ever did, and I believe that's 100% due to the fact that he wasn't drugged up whereas she was.

The point is that everyone thinks that an epidural is just the normal thing to do, and doesn't give it a second thought, even though it's very hard drug that's got some pretty sinister contents. Yet these same people look down on anyone who might have one glass of wine in the course of a pregnancy. Really? To me, a glass of merlot is by far the lesser of those two evils. (In fact, a single small glass is probably not an evil at all. I've even heard doctors say as much!) I wonder if it ever occurred to these women who are so quick to judge anyone who takes so much as a sip of wine, that their babies were born full of cocaine because of the epidural they think is SO great, and that the pain medications they think they need after the birth do come out in breastmilk, so they fed their babies pain killers, sometimes as strong as percocet. How can drugged up moms actually speak ill of anyone? What's really funny is that they don't even realize how ridiculous they are, and that their arguments are hollow. They really think they have a leg to stand on. That's the part that blows my mind.