When it comes to parenting, if it feels right, do it.

Thak and I are natural parents. We practice Attachment Parenting (AP), and other things that tend to go hand in hand with it, but don't technically fall under the definition of AP. AP is defined as breastfeeding, babywearing, and cosleeping. We do all of these things, but other things go hand in hand with it as well. These things include natural birth, not using cry-it-out (CIO) sleep training, not circumcising our sons, cloth diapering, not vaccinating (or using an alternative schedule for it), and practicing baby-led weaning. We do all of the above. The reasons are pretty simple. For one, research supports every last bit of this stuff. For another, and the most compelling in my opinion, it just plain feels right.

I so often hear people rationalizing their parenting choices with, "Well, it's hard now, but it's for the better so it has to be done." and then pushing themselves through something totally unnatural and, in my opinion, pretty heinous. These would be things like letting their baby cry themselves to sleep in their crib, or taking their son to his circumcision appointment. These things abound on Facebook statuses everywhere, at least in the military community, which, despite Thak's recent departure from Active Duty, is where I still dwell in large part. I always want to scream, "IF IT FEELS LIKE SHIT, THAT IS YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS TELLING YOU THAT IT IS SHIT!!! DON'T DO IT!!!" Honestly, if your gut feeling is telling you, "This is bad. You need three shots of tequila before you can continue with it." then you probably should go with that. If you were walking down a trail in the mountains, and your gut feeling told you that there was some reason you should not continue, would you push past it? No, you wouldn't. You'd probably turn around and go a different way. Yet when it comes to babies, it's like parents in this country have been conditioned to deny their gut instinct on damn near everything. It makes no sense to me.

I did a lot of mainstream stuff with Erin, but honestly, none of it felt anywhere near good or right. I would get defensive about that stuff, too, at the time. And WHY would I get defensive about it? Because on some primal level, I knew it was wrong. If it's wrong, you know it, even if you won't let your mind acknowledge that. I've been there, and close to a decade later, I can tell you, the root of defensiveness when it comes to parenting, is the primal knowledge that you're doing the wrong thing.

Sure, it seems at the time like it's easier to have a drugged up birth, or not tough through breastfeeding difficulties, or not question the doctor's vaccine schedule, or let the baby cry it out (although I NEVER did that. Even stupid 21-year-old single mom Anna knew CIO was wrong.) but really, it's not, because then you have to deal with the after effects of it. You'll always know that what you did wasn't right, which is why people get so defensive about it, even years down the line. Some things even have long lasting effects as well. The drugs used during many hospital births are linked to learning disabilities, speech delays, even autism. Vaccines have a whole host of toxins in them which have a laundry list of side effects. CIO results in lifelong attachment disorders, and permanent changes in brain wave patterns due to the inundation of stress hormones. Seems the "easy" way out isn't so easy after all.

For my buck, natural parenting is easier. The reason it's easier is because it feels right. We trust our gut with every parenting decision we make. Everything from births to schools, we trust our gut, and it's never steered us wrong. I KNEW that Chai needed to be born at home, and when I met Alyson, I knew she was the one to help us accomplish that. With a different setting, or a less fearless midwife, Chai's birth would have been a disaster. Trusting our gut was the right way. Similarly, I knew from the moment I walked into that disaster of a public school Erin used to attend, that it was a bad place to be. Not shockingly, she fell on her face there. I knew from the minute we saw her charter school, that it was right, and again, not shockingly, she has flourished from the moment she arrived. Trusting your gut goes a long way. I think everyone would identify and agree with my school example, but why do so few extend that logic to other equally important things? Why do parents insist on pushing away their gut instinct when it tells them to snatch their baby back from a doctor who has been tasked with hacking a healthy piece off their son? Why do they push through with the ridiculously heavy vaccination schedule we subject our children to these days even though their gut tells them it's scary? Why do they seek reassurance from other parents as their baby cries himself to sleep in his crib, rather than go get the baby and comfort him? None of these decisions that parents in our society are expected to make on behalf of their babies, are natural in the least, and that's why they feel so awful to most people.

I say we follow our gut more, and mainstream society less. I say we look at the examples of peaceful and warring tribes around the world, and see that the peaceful people practice what we in the US know as Attachment Parenting, whereas the warring tribes have practices that closely mirror mainstream parenting practices here (withholding breastmilk, not answering the baby's cries, etc). Then think to yourself what you would like to raise, a peaceful individual, or a violent individual. Thak and I know very well what our answer is. How sure are you of yours?