At what cost, and for what noble cause?

Every Veterans for Peace member knows the rally cry, "For what noble cause?" This, of course, is in relation to the lives lost and disrupted by the wars our country has waged within our lifetime. I was reminded of it again today in a slightly different, but really, just a more pedestrian, context.

I don't think any recruiter in all the Army will ever tell someone that the last year they serve will be the hardest of them all, no matter what the previous years may have consisted of. Nope, that 15 month Iraq deployment when it rained mortars every day and your brigade took more casualties in a month than the next nearest took in a year, was not as hard as the last year you will serve. It's a mental game, you see, and it goes for the family, too, at least in many cases.

The reason it's so hard is because there comes a point for every soldier, when the wool ceases to cover their eyes, and they realize that everything asked of them up to this point, has been total bullshit, and hasn't meant a single thing in the grand scheme of their life and the world. Sure, people say "thanks for your service" everywhere we go now, which is a damn sight better than being spit on like our Vietnam Era comrades were. It's empty, though, because really, no matter how many years you served, unless you were in the National Guard at some point, and actually were activated to help during a natural disaster here at home, the average Joe or Jane hasn't done anything to directly benefit the American people. Ask Thak what he's done for the American people, and he'll tell you about filling sandbags at the Red River in order to try to save people's homes, as it overflowed its banks, when he was a member of the Minnesota National Guard. He flunked out of college for all the time he missed to do it (which is why he had to go Active Duty in the first place), but he would gladly do it again tomorrow if it meant he helped somebody. THAT is service to the American people, and when you're Active Duty, there is really none of that.

Sure, you can spout all the neo-con rhetoric you want about keeping us safe from terrorists with all these massive overseas deployments of troops, but really, that end would be just as well accomplished with a few intelligence-gathering special operations troops on scene, and an administration who took the intel they gathered seriously. Our military could better protect us if kept at home, and in truth, is grossly inflated compared to what it should be. I mean, they renamed the War Department as The Department of Defense, hundreds of years ago, right? So why are we functioning like a War Department again? If we truly were simply for defense, our military could be 1/4 the size that it is, and defense spending could drop by about 90% because we wouldn't be sent all over the world to do corporate and political fatcats' dirty bidding every time we turn around.

That's why I say the average soldier these days has not served the American people, through no fault of his/her own, and no fault of most of the American people, of course, but that's just the way it is these days. Of course, most soldiers go through however long they decide to serve, never quite realizing this, and when they do, usually as they're preparing to get out, it's like the biggest reality check in the world. Once you hit that point, it gets extremely hard to put your uniform on in the morning, and go play these people's stupid game day in and day out. You should see Thak these days. He's not the same person I've always known him to be. Anyone who's never served might find these changes in their husband's approach to life a bit scary, but I know he's just ready to be free, and it can't happen quick enough for him. That's one of the reasons the last year is the hardest.

Another big reason is that when you're walking around amid people with blinders on, and you've cast yours off completely, you have a lot of sheeple logic to deal with. (Actually, calling it logic is a gross overstatement.) Anyone who finds out you're on your way out tells you how stupid you are. For a wife, anyone who finds out that you're in full support of your husband's decision to get out, tells you they feel sorry for you, and how lucky they feel that their husband never wants to get out, because the Army is so good for families.

Dude, if the Army is good for families, then hell has officially frozen over. Last I checked, recent studies show that the harmful effects of repeated deployments on children are substantial, and only get worse the older the kids are. Babies born during deployments have been shown to never fully bond with their fathers in a great many cases. The PTSD rate for troops with two or more tours is 30%, and the divorce rate for troops with PTSD is over 60%, usually within the first year, post-diagnosis. The rate of domestic violence in those homes is much higher than the rate of divorce. The Army is GREAT for families, isn't it? If spending every other year apart won't put your marriage in the toilet, get your husband back totally mentally fucked after a few tours, and see how it goes. If your kids are too attached to their daddy, the simple remedy is to send him away for about half their childhood, and then by the time they're teenagers, they can take happy pills just like dear old mom, suicide risk be damned. (I mean, when the only thing that will make it better is to have your husband/father home, and that's NOT going to happen, all the doctors CAN do is drug people. Over 75% of military wives are on anti-depressants. The rate climbs every day for children.)

Oh, and as if that weren't enough, have fun planning ANYTHING. Above a certain rank, your holidays will all get ruined by some low ranking idiot who just had to go get arrested for DUI or beating up his wife, and there goes your holiday. Oh, and not to mention that even on your off days, you can totally be called in for something dumb and pointless that totally could have either been done not at all, or waited until duty hours. Plan a fun weekend away, and it has a good chance of being ruined by some idiot on a power trip who just has to convince everybody (probably most of all themselves) that they have the authority to make people do stuff, even if it's really pointless stuff. Ask me how many times this has happened in the past year alone. On second thought, don't. You really don't even want to know.

The fact is that for every pro there is to staying in the Army, there are at least as many cons. Sure, it's a steady paycheck, with decent benefits, and you can't be fired without notice... even if you do end up getting out unexpectedly for whatever reason, you'll still have months to prepare for it since it takes a while to process discharge paperwork and clear post. There are up sides to the Army. There's no denying that.

The thing is, though, that while pros exist, they cost too much, and the cost is not for any noble cause. If you offered me and Thak a million dollars for another year of our marriage, and another year of our kids' childhoods to be spent without daddy, we would laugh in your face. Time is priceless, and that's what the Army takes from people. I'm sorry, but no amount of money is worth it, particularly not what they're offering. Sure, we're to a place that we are pretty comfortable financially. Most people in the Army (including a great many Company Grade officers) actually make LESS than what Thak does, so most of these people who are telling us how stupid we are to walk away from this shit storm are allowing the best years of their lives to be bought off them for pay I wouldn't dare try to raise a family on, and a benefits package that really isn't as great as many people think it is. It slays me.

I guess it's just that we've given so much, and it's as if it's never enough. By the time Thak gets out, he'll have served 18 years, if you count Active Duty and National Guard time. I will have been in some affiliation with the Army, whether as soldier, girlfriend, or wife, for 10 years. That will be over 1/3 of my life, and over 1/2 of his, but it's not enough. We're stupid. We're weak. We can't take the heat, and need to get out of the kitchen. We're a disgrace to the uniform. We're unpatriotic. These are things that have been said to us by other military people (most of whom have done substantially less than we have) in the months since we went very public with the fact that Thak is getting out, and it just gets more and more common, the closer we get to the end. I think that's the biggest thing the recruiter really should have to tell people. No matter how much you serve, no matter how many tours you do, or how hard they are, no matter how many medals you are awarded, or how ridiculously high those medals are for someone of your rank to have, it will never be enough; And when you get out, you will be regarded as a quitter even if you have given all you have to give to this bullshit cause. The more prepared and premeditated your decision to get out, the more people will reel against you, and wish you failure.

The good part is that with the wool off of your eyes, you can see that they are the ones who are blind, who can't see an inch past their nose, to make real decisions, and see that it's possible to make it on your own, to be free. They are the ones who need Uncle Sam's safety net, and who can't imagine people living without it could possibly be successful, or even ok. They see no difference between the person who's getting out on a whim because his squad leader is a jerk, and the person who's been working toward this goal for years, goes to night school, and should have 6 months of living expenses saved up by the time he gets out. Any rational person can see that one is an idiot who's acting impulsively, and will likely fail, whereas the other has tried hard to set himself up for success, and has just as good a chance on the outside as any other intelligent person.

Thak and I talk about this a lot, and yesterday, he said, "I'm so glad you're not one of those wives who can be bought by a few social programs and tax-free shopping." I replied that I'm glad he's not one of those soldiers who can be bought with empty promises of good assignments that never come through, and the blind faith that promotions get easier the longer you go on (FYI, they don't). I'm glad we both see that Uncle Sam's offering price for our freedom, and years of our family's life as such, is insultingly low, and will not allow our favor to be bought so cheaply, especially since this noble cause they try to sell everybody on, simply does not exist.

Go on, lifers. Keep receiving your paltry compensation for the asinine things asked of you. Keep on believing the line of crap that you're fed about how heroic your "sacrifice" is, and how noble the cause is. I just have to ask you one thing, though. What exactly is it that you think you're doing this for? I know why we're doing what we're doing. Can you say the same with any real certainty?