Now it's real.

Erin had her evaluations today to figure out the details of her learning disability. It wasn't bad news at all, really. She's actually really advanced in some areas, but of course, really behind in others. I wasn't expecting to find out that she was advanced in really any area, so that was cool. It turns out that the areas she's behind in are related to her language delay, which we've had some idea for a long time that she had. Those areas should improve with speech therapy, which any school is more than equipped to provide her with. She ought to be fine in the long run. It's going to be a lot of work, of course, but that's a given.

Like I said, we've known for years that she wasn't on track in speech and language. Although, I will say, it was not nearly so obvious until we had Orren. Orren talks as well at almost 18 months as Erin did at 3 years. It's easy to think something's not so bad when it's all you see day in and day out, but having a more typically developing child now, Orren, has kind of driven home the point of how much catching up Erin really has to do. She'll do it. We're not afraid of this thing, although it's completely uncharted territory for us. We can figure it out, advocate for her, and hopefully get her all she needs to be all caught up to her peers as quickly as she's able. She is very smart. That may be a funny thing to hear about a child with a learning disability, but it's true. She is smart, and we have faith in her.

At the same time, as much as we try to keep our heads up about all this, because really, we don't have a choice but to do that, it's a big reality check. As much as we've always known that she was delayed in language and speech, it's almost as if some small part of us reserved hope that she would test out just fine, or just someday wake up mature enough to learn everything that the other kids learn, in the same way they learn it. Now we know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that is not going to happen, at least not any time soon. We have a child with academic special needs. It feels weird to say it, but it's the truth. We're not disappointed with her or anything. We love Erin exactly the way she is. She is still our sweet, wonderful, outstanding, brilliant little girl. Things just got a little more complicated is all, academically anyhow. I guess they didn't just get this way. This is something that's always been there. We just know with 100% certainty what it is now, and that will take some getting used to. We can't hide from it anymore, not that we ever were consciously hiding from it, but maybe subconsciously, we were hiding from the full ramifications of it.

The thing that comes to mind most of all is simply why the schools never sent her for speech evaluation. I know back in GA, when she tested out low as an incoming Kindergartener, they placed her in a special class. That helped a lot, and really, I think the style of teaching she was given there was the perfect thing for her. She seemed to learn really well. It was only half the puzzle, though. We learned today that she absolutely has to have speech therapy if she's going to improve and overcome this thing, because all the issues she has, stem directly from her language delay. Why did nobody recommend her for a speech evaluation at either of the public schools she has attended? How could they all miss something like that? It's pretty obvious if you've ever spoken with her for more than half a second that something's not right with her speech.

So yeah, this is going to be a ride. Frankly, I'll just be glad when we get through her placement testing at the school, give them all the reports from her evaluations, and get through the first IEP meeting. Once we do that, and they haven't rejected us at some point in that process, I'll feel a whole lot better about this whole thing. Yes, yes, I know... they're a charter school, and cannot reject us because of a learning disability. Everyone I know who has any knowledge at all of the education system keeps telling me that, and on most levels, I know that they are right. I do not know much about the school system, just what I pick up along the way, and outdated stuff I know from when I was in school, but a lot of what I've picked up along the way is the fact that we've been rejected by every private school in town because she couldn't write her own admissions essay. The better public schools even turned us down for BS reasons, and I'm pretty sure the REAL reason, in at least some cases, was because she wouldn't be able to boost their TAKS pass percentage. We've had nothing but rejection from schools here, until we got our foot in the door at this charter school, which we were only able to do because we have a connection within the school. As much as I try to be optimistic about things as much as possible, on some level, I'm just waiting for them to reject us, too, at which point, we'd be totally screwed. This school is our LAST option. If they won't take her, we've got nothing but the crappy public school we're zoned for, and that is the farthest thing from a viable option at this point (or ever). I'll just be so glad when it's all over and done with, and she's in.

I'll buy their ugly green blazer and convince my free-spirited, artistic child to wear it, much to her chagrin. I will refrain from dying her hair pink, even though she'd love nothing more, and I'll take away her nail polish since that's against regulation, too. I'll do my required volunteer hours, and fight traffic like a madwoman every day so as not to violate the tardy policy. We'll do anything, really, at this point, if only they will take us, because we now have official documentation that we need all the help we can get. This is going to be interesting... and not easy. I'll be glad to get it started.