Do you.... interracial?

Let me preface this by saying I'm not in it to win some diversity prize, nor am I trying to one-up anyone.  This is about the facts of the situation, nothing more, nothing less. 

With that said, I've been with Thak for almost 9 years now, and in that time, we've definitely had our share of interracial couple hiccups. These range from the funny, like my distaste for fish sauce and the fact that it's in EVERY Thai dish, to the not so funny, like the nasty messages I sometimes receive from white supremacists who troll social networking sites.  We've also met our share of people who think it's totally fine to call an Asian person a "gook", or that "chinaman" is an acceptable term. On the flip side, I have run into more than a couple Thai women who thought I had no business taking a good Thai man off the market, and that I should just go find one of my own kind.  I've come to a point of acceptance that most Asian men think I'm awesome, and a significant percentage of Asian women think I suck, and that this makes things like going for food or getting my nails done a very interesting experience if I bring Thak with me. I didn't actively look for an Asian husband, but I have one, and this is my life.  Part of our reality is that, to some people, we don't make a bit of sense as a couple, even though, to us, and probably most people who know us, we make perfect sense. 

Anyway, having this life I have, and honestly wouldn't trade despite the bumps in the road, there's something that annoys me a little, and I've been seeing it more lately.  I'm just going to say it.  If you're white, and your husband is 15/16 white and 1/16 Choctaw, and straight-up looks white, you are NOT in an interracial marriage. I'm not saying your marriage sucks, or that I'm better, or cooler, or more progressive than you. I'm just saying, two people who are mostly the same race AND appear to be the same race, aren't an interracial couple in any practical sense of the term.  Again, there's no merit badge for this stuff.  I just get sick of people who don't understand, acting like they're totally in the same boat.  I get it.  Interracial relationships are in these days.  Trust me, I'm all for that.  Why limit yourself based on race, right?  Love knows no color!  But to attempt to put an interracial spin on a clearly same-race pairing, is just lame. 

I've dated white guys before.  It's different dating or marrying someone of another race.  When you're part of a same-race heterosexual couple, you sort of fly under the radar screen.  Sure, you may still face discrimination because of your age, or your nationality, or maybe your age difference, or some other factor, but mostly, you can just do your thing, and people are cool with that.  This goes double if you're both white. If someone doesn't like you, it's generally because of your actions.  For example, I had this one ex-boyfriend who's white, and people used to always tell me, "You should break up with him.  He's a real asshole."  That's something he did.  He chose to be an asshole.  He could have been nice if he wanted to.  This is totally different from people who thought I should not marry Thak because he's Asian.  Obviously, nobody chooses their race.  When you are in an interracial relationship, no matter how progressive society gets, there will always be people who are totally up front with saying they don't agree with it. 48% of Republicans in Mississippi, for example, still think marriages like mine ought to be illegal.  That is shocking.  How would you like to read some statistic that a lot of people actually think your marriage should be ILLEGAL?  Same race heterosexual couples will generally live their entire lives without that experience.  Similarly, when I dated white guys, I never had a white girl come up to me and tell me to stick to my own kind, nor did I receive nasty-grams from total strangers about why my relationship was wrong. 

None of this is to say that same-race relationships are inherently easier, or that interracial relationships are inherently harder.  Everyone has challenges of some sort.  I just don't think it's the least bit correct for someone who is in a same-race relationship to say they are in an interracial relationship and try to claim some type of street cred for that. (If they're not trying to gain any credibility by saying it, then I don't care what they say.) I don't think anyone's amused by that kind of thing.  Just be you.  It's better.