We don't do it because it's easy.

I'm still kind of celebrating the one year anniversary of my homebirth.  It was amazing, defining, and almost indescribable to be able to do that.  Once you homebirth, you just see the world differently. I hear it all the time from other homebirth moms, and it's so true.  There's a huge sense of confidence in one's innate ability as a human being that comes with birthing at home.  I've learned a lot over the past year, though, some of it funny, some of it annoying, but all of it sort of surprising to me.

People think only those who have quick easy births homebirth.  If you homebirth, you definitely had a 4 hour labor, and didn't even feel contractions for the most part.  Of course, this could not be farther from the truth.  My homebirth was actually very difficult, my longest labor, ending in a somewhat complicated birth.  When people say, "Well, I could never birth at home, I had a 16 hour labor! I needed that epidural!" I have to admit, I enjoy telling them how my labor at home was 24 hours from start to finish.  I'm not a one-upper, and I know of women who have had 50+ hour labors at home, so I know I don't win any prize for mine, but I really don't like misinformation floating around.  Homebirthers don't do it because it's easy for us.  We do it because even when it is difficult, it's still right.

The funniest and most surprising thing I found is that a lot of people think my homebirth was accidental!  I was often asked what hospital I went to that "allowed" me to birth a 10 pound baby naturally, and didn't do a c-section when he got stuck.  I always laugh and say, "Oh, he was born at home."  More times than I can count, they then asked, "Fast labor, huh?  You just didn't have time to get to the hospital?"  That absolutely cracks me up.  Oh, no, I had a very slow labor.  I had literally all day and all night to get to any hospital in the southwest if I'd wanted to (literally!  I could have birthed in Dallas, or Albuquerque, or Phoenix, or even San Diego if I'd wanted to!  Think about that.  It's true.)  But no, my midwife came to me, at home, and that's where Chai was born, because that's our way. It was very intentional, so intentional, in fact, that we moved to Texas for the express purpose of having the freedom to homebirth with a licensed midwife, without undue restrictions.

Another thing that has surprised me is that when you say "I homebirthed", you probably should just go ahead and follow it up with, "Now, please tell me every awful thing that makes you think you couldn't, or about your epidural that didn't work." (and in your head, "even though there's a 90% chance what I'm about to hear is complete bullshit").  Everyone wants to tell you their birth story, and they're never any good.  Nobody ever says, "Oh, you homebirthed?  Cool!  I had this totally kickass birth center birth.  I labored in the water all day, then ate some fruit and went for a walk.  After that, I felt kinda pushy, so I got onto the birth stool, and caught my own baby while my midwife cheered me on."  Nope.  You never hear that.  You hear two flavors of stories.  One flavor is the "I could never homebirth because I would DIE!!" and the other is, "Well, I was in a hospital and had an epidural, but it didn't work very well, so I still felt everything."  You wouldn't believe how many people want to tell you about their epidurals that didn't work when they find out you birthed a 10 pound baby in your own bed. (And they say we homebirthers are the ones who are trying to prove something!)

People also seem to think I'm trying to sell them on homebirthing.  That's simply not true.  Now, when someone expresses discontent with the way hospitals work, or their OB does things, I ask them why they're doing a hospital birth if they don't like that stuff, and if they have spoken with any homebirth midwives or visited a birth center.  That is because I want all people to be aware of their options, and to make an informed choice.  Homebirth is misunderstood, and so are birth centers.  Most people don't understand what happens if something goes wrong, and they don't understand what kind of clients midwives take and what kinds they do not take.  We inform to clear up misconceptions, or to encourage people to explore options that might suit them, not to persuade them to choose what we chose.  If you told me 10 years ago that I would have a baby at home, I'd have told you that you were insane.  I understand as well as anyone that for a lot of people, homebirth is a destination at the end of a long journey, and I would never push anyone in that direction.  If they're meant to get here, they will.

Money is the big thing.  I think I've been asked more than anything about the financial aspect.  That part really surprised me.  Before I had Chai, I always had questions for other homebirthers, but they were never about money. I would ask what kinds of stuff their midwife brought to the birth, or where they bought the supplies they needed.  I'd ask how they prepared their birth space, or what they did with their other kids during their labor, or if they had a doula.  It never occurred to me to ask about money, but that's what I get asked about more than anything else.  Everyone wants to know if Tricare covered my birth, and how I got that to happen.  They also want to know exactly how much it cost.  I finally had to tell friends to stop sending people to pick my brain about this, because it's really draining to have this totally defining experience and then all anyone wants to know about it is what my insurance company thought of it.  Truth be told, yes, I did receive partial reimbursement for my homebirth, from Tricare no less, but I didn't know going in that it was possible, and I didn't care.  I have never allowed an insurance company to make my birthing choices for me.  I make my choices, and my insurance company gets in where it fits in.  Birth is too important to subject to corporate policy.

Aside from the things I have been asked, there are a few things I would tell would-be homebirthers.  These are the things that stand out to me even now at the year mark:

It's worth it.
It's really hard to get a birth certificate.
People are going to think you're crazy.
You will question your resolve, but that doesn't mean it's wrong.
Don't let the fear mongers get you down.
And above all else, IT'S WORTH IT.