I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Babies really aren't expensive. Everything I have that was expensive really wasn't necessary. I fully admit that. No, I didn't need that $800 stroller (which, in my defense, I scored for $450 on Craigslist), or that beautiful organic cotton crib set. I probably didn't even need my nicer cloth diapers. I just happened to like this stuff, and have a husband who used to make good enough money to afford it. Surely, there are cheaper alternatives. All a baby really needs is 2 dozen cheap cotton diapers, 6 cheap PUL covers (or wool soakers if you can crochet), some clothes from the local consignment shop, a sling that you can make for cheap, and of course boobs. This stuff is all pretty close to free, if not totally free. I get that. That's awesome. Even on our current crappy income, we could afford an army of babies, if my milk supply were anything to write home about.
Here's the wrinkle. Babies grow up. By the time they're 3, they want a bicycle. Sure, you can thrift store or Craigslist that for pretty cheap, but then they need preschool, and that can be expensive. By the time they hit Kindergarten, you're getting a million flyers a day home from school about soccer, and tae kwon do, and summer camp, and the YMCA's many great programs for children, and guess what. Your kid wants to do ALL of them. Of course, you can't afford all of them, but it's only fair that they get to do one or two, right? Even if you're homeschooling, your kid probably has some outside activities. I hope they do, anyway. Every homeschooled kid I know does dance, or cheer, or karate, or something. This stuff isn't cheap at all. Factor in about $100 a month per kid if you live in a city, maybe less in a small town, but more if they do more than one activity.
Then you've got to also figure that kids grow up, and they need clothes, and they're going to want clothes that actually look decent. Sure, you can say all the time as an adult that fashion doesn't matter, and that it's ridiculous to follow trends. Tell that to your 4th grader who's being told they look stupid because they're wearing shoes from 10 years ago, or your high schooler who has none of the things their friends are wearing, and feels like an outcast because of it. This stuff may sound stupid to an adult, but think back to when you were that age. It isn't stupid. We get away with buying at at the consignment shop right now because we have a very decent one in our area. We'll probably be able to continue this indefinitely because we have a teen consignment that's really good also. This still adds up. Even buying used adds up. We can manage to decently clothe our three kids by buying used, but if we had more kids than this, it would be nothing but hand-me-downs for them. While no kid ever died of that, it definitely sucks to not be able to choose much about your clothes, because you have to dress out of bags. Is it a necessity to be able to have your own style, and clothes that you like? Well, not in the way that food, water, and shelter are necessities, but it's pretty important at certain ages, and honestly, that's ok.
What about when they want a car, or a cell phone, or to go to prom? How will you do that for six kids on $40k a year? (That's an example. I'm not talking to anyone in specific.) Yes, it's well and good to say, "Well, they'll have to work and buy their own car." That's lovely, but what if you live in a very rural area, like we do, and realistically, their best shot at getting a job is in a city 20 miles away? I'm not going to be driving my kids to Statesboro every day after school for work, and then picking them up at whatever ridiculous hour of the night they get done. Realistically, we'll end up buying them cars, and they'll be paying us back for them, and covering their own insurance and gas (if possible), as they earn the money to do that. For three kids, we can probably manage this somehow, although they will have very used cars from Craigslist (and there is nothing wrong with that!). For more, there is no way we could.
Everyone loves to cite the fact that most baby gear is unnecessary as evidence that kids aren't expensive. While this is a lovely thought, and actually quite true (yes, a $40 sling really does replace a $800 stroller, and free boobs really do replace $2400 worth of formula), it's hardly the beginning of the story. I honestly didn't see this stuff until I had a kid reach school age and start participating in activities like dance and cheer, and need new shoes every few months, and they had to be the ones like the other girls in her class were wearing. What's going on in my house is barely the tip of the iceberg, and I know this. I can tell you, this stuff sneaks up on you fast. We're already halfway through Elementary School. Today it's cheer, and dance, and sparkly clothes. Tomorrow, it'll be a cell phone and a car. This stuff does not wait for us to catch up to it. It comes at us at a million miles an hour! That cheap or free baby is going to be a kind of costly school age kid before you know it, and then, I'm assuming, it will not feel like long at all before the kind of costly school kid becomes a teen whose expenses will totally pillage your bank account, because that's how they roll.
I'm not saying people shouldn't have babies. I don't think that at all. What I'm saying is, don't go believing they're always as cheap as they are when they're little, because that's definitely not the case. When they're babies and toddlers, yes, "things" are expensive, and those things are largely unnecessary. When they get older, oh yes, children are definitely expensive. It's pretty important to look at the big picture here.
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