It's just never enough, is it?

I've breastfed for a year.  I fought through a ton of difficulties to get to this point, but I did it because I know breastfeeding is the right thing to do.  I have never been one of those who puts breastmilk on a pedestal.  I know that it is the standard food for babies of our species.  Formula is subpar.  Breast is normal.  I did what I had to do in order to breastfeed Chai, and I had to do quite a bit, especially at first.  Ultimately, though, I made it.  It's been a year, and a massive weight has lifted from my shoulders.  If Chai stopped nursing tomorrow, it would be ok.  I have never had plans to forcibly wean him.  I have always planned to let him decide on his own when he would quit nursing.  It seems like he is heading in that direction, cutting down his feedings, not being as interested in the ones he does take, just kind of phasing it out.

I mentioned this on a group I'm in.  It's just a bunch of friends, most of whom have been shuffled around enough by Uncle Sam that we don't live near each other anymore, but we all know one another from various assignments over the years.  Everyone is very alternative and AP.  When I mentioned that I thought Chai might be weaning, the trash talking began almost immediately, with passive-aggressive reposts of an article written by a blogger I cannot stand because she horribly misquoted me recently, and essentially mocked me in an article she wrote about cosleeping. Anyhow, people were really foul about my assertion that Chai might be starting to wean.

Let me just say, I haven't ever pushed him in this direction.  Every single time Chai has wanted to nurse, I've nursed him.  OK, not every single time.  There was one time when I just felt sick and rundown, and could not stand the thought of nursing right at that moment, so I had Thak take him away and give him a sippy instead. That's the only time.  Every other time in Chai's entire life that he's wanted to nurse, he's gotten to.  I have never forced a feeding schedule, or tried to cut down on the number of nursing sessions in a day.  I have nursed on demand from the minute Chai was born, and I continue to do that today.  I haven't done anything to deserve people talking trash about the fact that I think my son MIGHT be showing signs of weaning.

I understand, most people in the AP community nurse for at least 2 or 3 years.  I get that.  I was planning on nursing at least two years, longer if Chai wanted.  I also understand that the international idea of when is the right time to wean differs drastically from the prudish US idea about it.  I also know that the often bandied about statistic that the natural age of weaning is between 2 and 7 years old, is actually quite possibly incorrect because there's no real way to quantify this, and effectively organize the data needed. I do know that it is common in many places around the world to wean between 1 and 2 years of age, but that in other places, it is common to nurse longer than that.  I know that in Mongolia, they say the best wrestlers (they're obsessed with wrestling there) are breastfed at least six years.  I also know the World Health Organization and the British Medical Association recommend 2 as a minimum. 

I have the knowledge on this thing.  What I also have is the capacity to observe my own kid and see what he's doing.  If he wants to wean, I'm not going to stop him from weaning.  He eats plenty of solids, drinks goat milk or almond milk from a cup like it's going out of style, and is totally healthy.  While the thought of him going without the immune boosting properties of breastmilk does concern me, I know he would be fine if he decided to wean.

The other thing is that I am part of this equation.  It's unpopular to acknowledge oneself in these things, but I'm going there.  The hormonal shift that comes with weaning often causes depression-like symptoms, and I need to be able to deal with that during a time when my life is in fairly decent working order.  There's a very good chance that my husband may be deploying next year.  What if Chai weaned then?  Also, what about trying to get all the kids to bed, hopefully in the same room by then, while Chai still has to nurse, and I have no help?  There is a lot that would be practical about Chai weaning sometime in the next six months or so.  On a purely trivial note, breastfeeding makes me fat (for me), and I know that the extra 20 pounds I'm lugging around will fall away when he weans, and I'll be able to wear all my clothes again, even the ones I can't nurse in.  This stuff isn't supposed to matter.  I'm not supposed to count myself in the equation, but I am. I would let Chai wean if he wanted to, because there would be good things about it for me.

I will reiterate, I have never, and have no plans to, push him toward weaning.  However, I will absolutely not attempt to delay his attempts to wean.  He can wean whenever he wants.  If that's tomorrow, or if it's three years from now, he will wean when he wants.  It seems like he's going to want to do it sooner rather than later, and yes, as frowned upon as it may be in the AP community, I am totally ok with that, and I'm ready when he is.