I think, therefore I am, non-religious.

My local natural parenting group is making my brain hurt.  Some girl was having issues with a really high strung 3-year-old, and everyone kept telling her to spank because Jesus said it was ok, and the Bible this, and the Bible that.  I honestly thought they were joking.  They had to be, right?  Nobody actually takes this stuff literally, right?  I mean, that would be completely devoid of logic and reason.  They cannot possibly be for real.  Then I realized, they were dead serious, and I died a little inside.

One girl, who is actually our pediatrician's daughter, mentioned that in our area, there really isn't an AP contingent.  It's mostly religious based parenting, and that the natural thing extends primarily to just breastfeeding and buying organic foods, and might extend as far as alternative vaccination practices, and in rare cases, non-hospital birthing, but the parenting practices themselves are pretty much straight Bible based.  Again, I died a little inside.

You know that feeling when you know you fit or don't fit into a place?  Like, in El Paso, when I was in Pro's Ranch Market, doing my shopping, and realized I hadn't spoken a word of English outside my home that day, and was doing just fine moving among the locals, being totally accepted, and actually enjoying myself.  At that moment, I knew I was a fit for El Paso.  There were some things I didn't like about it, sure.  I could have done with some green grass, and without the drug cartels, but all in all, El Paso welcomed me, and I had community there which I have never had at any other time in my entire adult life.  From Erin's school, to my AP group, to other activists to do activist things with, to my belly dance troupe, El Paso was my kind of place.  I think this was my moment where I realized I'll always be a square peg, and this place, a round hole.  My entire philosophy on life is categorically opposite of the group consensus of this place. What these people say as dead serious advice is the exact same stuff that has been known to come from my mouth when I'm joking.  I just can't take it seriously.  It's too ridiculous.

We have found good food here.  We have found a place to live.  We could get land really cheap.  All of this could happen.  I just don't know if I want it to.  I don't know that I really want to live the rest of my life as an outsider. I do know we won't be going back to El Paso, even though I'd love to.  Thak would never do that.  I just wonder if we wouldn't do better closer to Atlanta, or Ashville, NC, or somewhere else with a greater variety of people and more of an alternative crowd.  We're here for now, and we'll be here a few years while Thak is with the firm, but I don't think I can stay here for the rest of my life. Today was my lightbulb moment.