Just give a list of what we CAN say, ok?

It seems like the list of socially unacceptable topics in military wife land grows every single day, as does the list of things which constitute engaging in these unacceptable discussions.

The most vile and unacceptable thing in the past decade has got to be rank. On the extreme case, I can understand this. I've been the sentry who got yelled at by a Second Lieutenant's wife when I did not salute her. I have been the PFC on a 24 hour shift at my battalion's desk, who was told by a Corporal's wife to stand at parade rest to talk to her. (No, neither of them was a soldier, just civilian wives.) These people, I call Rankzillas. They expect customs and courtesies which are NOT coming to them in any way, shape, or form unless they decide to enlist or commission someday.

Rankzilla Lite is the wife who doesn't go out of her way to make soldiers' lives hell, but definitely thinks she's better than any soldier who is lower ranking than her husband, and talks a ton of trash, even to people she knows are prior-service, and served in those ranks at one time (and hell, 99% of the time, her own husband served in those ranks at one point!). The Rankzilla Lite is also the one who thinks she's addressed as ma'am because of her husband's rank, when in reality, all civilian females are addressed as ma'am because they don't have a rank to be called by, and ma'am is nicer than "hey you!". Rankzilla Lite KNOWS she's called ma'am because her husband is so high up in the unit, though. (The funny part is that 99% of the ones who think this are married to Second Lieutenants, newly pinned Sergeants, or even PFC's.)

I have dealt with more Rankzillas as a soldier, as I believe their arch-nemesis is the female soldier, in all forms, fashions, and pay grades. I have dealt with a few Rankzilla Lites as a wife. Usually, a snappy comeback about how civilians should butt out of soldier/vet business will make them leave me alone forever. They're not that big a deal. More importantly, they're not all that common, and are mostly just really clueless. A great many Rankzilla Lites will outgrow it in a few years.

The reason it became socially unacceptable to discuss rank is because everyone's met a Rankzilla or a Rankzilla Lite, and nobody likes them. If it only became socially unacceptable to BE one of these things, then that would make a ton of sense. That's not how it went, though.

Now, the following situations are unacceptable, and considered "rank wearing" on my part. FYI, these are things I have actually said:

"Hi, I'm Anna M. My husband is SSG M, the reenlistment NCO." [insert random joke about getting their husbands to reenlist. Everyone laughed.] "I'm prior service as an enlisted Engineer, and have been in some affiliation with the Army, as soldier, girlfriend, or wife, for nine years. I've been to Ft. Leonard Wood, Ft. Hood, Ft. Stewart, and here, and briefly on TDY to other places. I'm going to be serving in [role] within this organization, and look forward to working with you all."

"Hi, nice to meet you all. My name's Anna, and I'm going to be moving to your post in 3 months. My family and I are open to the possibilities as far as housing goes. We've lived on post and off, and prefer off post, but will consider living on post, depending on what exactly we'd be offered there. What I need to know from you all is what would be most realistic for us to plan for. We are an E6 family who is authorized a 3 BR house. Does the wait list tend to be short for our classification, or would we be wasting our time by messing with it? If the wait list is more than a month, we'll probably just want to live off post, so please tell me what areas are best, close to post, and within our price range."


These two things are apparently MASSIVELY socially unacceptable because I mentioned Thak's rank. This really frustrates me. I can't even tell people affiliated with the unit who my husband is when I meet them, and I can't give people an idea of our price range when putting out my feelers in the preliminary phases of house hunting.

Let me just explain these things a little. In the first situation, it's a matter of making myself familiar to people. If I walked in and said, "Hi, I'm Anna, Thak's wife", people would say, "Good for you. Who's Thak?" If I say, "I'm Anna, SSG M's wife", people either say, "Oh yeah, he reenlisted my husband yesterday!" or "I think I know him. Asian guy? About your height? Walks with a limp?" So basically, people KNOW SSG M, but they DON'T know Thak, even though they're the same person, so in a situation in which I want to be familiar to people, I need to say who I am in the most familiar way possible. I'm NOT sorry that way includes a mention of my shameful secret, er, I mean my husband's rank.

In the second situation, it's important to be honest about rank because housing allowance is determined by it. If I said, "Hi, I'm moving to your post! Where should I live?" I'd get every kind of information from the dirt on the $300 a month apartments that were built in 1985, to the dirt on the subdivision in the University district, where nobody below the rank of Major could ever afford to live. By telling people that I'm right in the middle, I'm letting them know that I'm not terribly limited in my house hunting, but I'm also not looking for the most extravagant thing in town. Knowing what we're working with lets people know we're looking for what we will like, not what we can afford. (Of course, we're looking within our price range, but our price range is forgiving enough that we can get what we like. No stairs, minimum 2 full bathrooms, minimum 2-car garage, formal dining room, big yard with fence/wall, no shared walls between master bedroom and kids' bedrooms, bedrooms far from living room and kitchen, etc). Anyhow, I think rank is applicable information when it comes to housing, because obviously, we all can afford different things. Why have people waste their time and ours, giving crappy information we can't use, when we can just be honest, and actually get pertinent facts?

I can't wait until Thak gets out of the Army. This sub-culture gets dumber and less realistic every year. I want off.