No need to be mean.

For some crazy reason, a lot of moms-to-be ask what kind of diapers they should use for their not-yet-arrived babies. Of course, the majority of the suggestions consist of "huggies" or "pampers" or "that's a waste of money! Use Wal Mart brand!" I always take these conversations as an opportunity to talk about cloth diapering. I mean, it is a conversation about what kind of diapers to use, right? They never said disposable only! I always tell about the different types of cloth diapers that are available currently, the cost factor, and how it's nowhere near difficult to do, and does not create the epic laundry crisis a lot of people think it will. I'm always really positive and upbeat, and I don't even mention all the harmful chemicals in disposable diapers, or the environmental crisis that every disposable diapered baby contributes to. I ONLY mention the money you can save by cloth diapering, and how it's not hard or inconvenient at all. Mostly, I just try to encourage people to think about it, and inform them enough to pique their interest. I thoroughly believe that the reason most people don't use cloth is because it never occurred to them that it's an option. I am simply trying to let them know that it IS an option, and one that's gaining popularity these days.

The thing I can't stand is the disposable diapering parents who think they have the high ground over cloth diapering parents. Dude, I used disposable diapers with Erin, and I can't get my head around that. I sort of looked up to, and definitely respected, my cloth diapering friends. I don't really know WHY I didn't use cloth full-time with Erin (I switched to it on a part-time basis when she was a toddler, but it was really disastrous because I didn't have the right stuff.) but what I do know is that I never had anything but the utmost respect for any cloth diapering parent, and never felt that I had any sort of high-ground over them. I find that I encounter tons of disposable diapering parents these days who, at the mere mention of the fact that we use cloth, want to tell me how awful cloth is, and throw out absolutely false statistics about how there's a higher incidence of infections, rashes, and such with cloth, and how disposable diapered babies are happier because they stay dryer.

I don't ever really respond to these things. I tend to do the smile and nod, and then say, "That's nice.", or "Your information is incorrect, but ok...", or something similar, before walking away from it. There is no arguing with a person who actually thinks there's a high ground to be had by using disposable diapers, which are 100% an invention for the sake of convenience, and nothing more. This argument is akin to saying that the McDonald's drive-thru is better for you than cooking a meal at home because it's harmful to be hungry while waiting for your food to cook.

I could corner them SO easily by telling them that any study which has shown a downside to cloth diapering was paid for by the Proctor and Gamble corporation, which makes Pampers. I could so easily tell them that one of the chemicals in disposable diapers has been directly linked to an uptick in male factor infertility, and that the reason why disposable diapers keep the baby's skin so dry is because of incredibly caustic chemicals just below the surface which lock away moisture. I could certainly tell them all these very true facts, and not even bother throwing in that organic cotton is certainly better for the skin than bleached paper and a healthy dose of petroleum products, but they'd never hear it, so I don't bother.

It just blows my mind that anyone could ever think they could have any type of high ground for disposable diapering. It's a lazy choice. To be sure, it's a lazy choice I made at one point in time, but a lazy choice no less. If people would just say, "Yeah, I'm not willing to put in the time necessary to cloth diaper." I'd give them props for honesty. Being rude to me and telling me what crap cloth diapers are, and how I'm putting my son at risk by using them, just really pisses me off.

I'm almost sure these are the same people who say rude things to me when I encourage someone to have a natural or non-hospital birth (when it comes up in conversation) by telling them how well it went with Orren, and not to worry about how big their baby is, that it doesn't mean anything for the pain and difficulty of it all. (For some reason, the doctors these days try to intimidate people by saying they're having a huge baby. They almost never do.) I've had naysayers tell me that I was putting myself and Orren at risk for death by cardiac arrest by bearing the pain of labor and delivery on my own, and not having any type of medication during or after the birth. When they find out how big he was, they usually say something REALLY nasty about how selfish I was to go with a non-hospital birth. (I didn't know how big either of my babies were until they were born. My midwives knew, but did not tell me, and for that, I am grateful.) Again, this is something I really do not understand. There is no moral high ground to be had in accepting narcotics, and interfering in a natural process. Again, I wouldn't give a crap where anyone had their baby, or how, if they didn't try to tell me I was wrong, and putting my son at risk for doing an all-natural non-hospital birth. According to the World Health Organization, Orren and I were safer than a comparable mom and baby who did the hospital thing. The data is on my side. I wouldn't even care about that if people weren't mean and nasty to me about doing something different.

I'm guessing these are also the same idiots who tell me I'm selfish for driving a compact car as a matter of principle. (Boy, they'd really flip if I told them my awesome mechanic husband is trying to convert it to run on hydrogen!!) What could possibly be the necessity for an urban or suburban family with three or fewer kids to drive some giant vehicle. I understand why a farmer would, but not a housewife. If you have three or fewer kids, there are enough seatbelts in a normal car for them all to ride safely. With consideration, you can even fit three car seats across the back seat. I've done it. Of course, I buy Radian, but the cost of these will be compensated quickly by the savings in fuel costs. But anyhow, I have been told that I'm selfish for insisting on driving a small car, and not putting my children's comfort first. What? They LOVE riding close to one another! They pass toys, and books, and snacks back and forth. They share juice boxes and cheerios, and just love being able to reach one another. In a bigger vehicle, there's a giant chasm between them, and they wouldn't be able to interact with each other nearly so much. They aren't as happy then. So no, I'm NOT selfish for my compact car. On principle, I won't drive anything bigger unless I have twins next time, and need more seatbelts. There is no high ground in driving a gas guzzling SUV if you live within the city limits, and have three or fewer kids. I'm not going to get onto people for doing it, but it does blow my mind to hear them trying to act like there's some high ground to be had by burning fuel as if it were an unlimited resource.

These may even be the same people who try to tell me that it's dangerous for Orren to ride rear-facing since he's nearly 1 1/2 years old, and nearing 30 pounds. Funny, the American Academy of Pediatrics has my back on this one. If you google AAP Car seat guidelines, they will come right up. Their official recommendation is that after a year old, babies will continue to rear-face in a convertible car seat until they reach the weight or height limit of that seat for rear-facing, and then ride forward-facing in a 5-point harness until weight or height limit is exceeded. They only recommend boosters for elementary school aged kids these days. Basically, if I'm endangering Orren by practicing extended rear-facing, and having a car seat that rear-faces to 45 pounds, then I am doing so with the endorsement of a well-respected organization, and it would serve the naysayers well to read some publications if they think forward facing at a year and 20 pounds (a totally obsolete recommendation, by the way! It will probably be illegal to forward face that early soon!) is actually a defendable position. When they try to defend it, I just look at them like they've lost their minds, because literally every organization I can think of, even auto manufacturers, have conducted crash tests and other research, showing that forward-facing is drastically less safe, and that long legs aren't dangerous when rear-facing, that actually there are more leg injuries from forward-facing, in addition to the really great stuff like death and paralysis. How can a person defend putting their kid at risk, and tell me I'm wrong for keeping mine safer? I can't get my head around it.

Thak says they're insecure in their own decisions, because they've taken the easy road, which is almost always the less responsible choice. I thought that may have some truth in it. I don't look at myself as the pinnacle of a responsible parent. I do some things that make other people cringe. I spank occasionally (only from the ages of 4 and up! NEVER a toddler or baby!), and hav been known to drink a cocktail or beer across the table from my kid (some people think that's wrong). I suck at homeschooling, and barely cook on the weekends. I'm not the perfect parent, but I have made good decisions, decisions I'm proud of. I'm proud that my 9 pound 9 ounce baby was born 10 miles from the nearest hospital, in a completely natural and peaceful way. I'm proud that we have been cloth diapering for 16 months. I'm proud that we're keeping our toddler rear-facing, and that I have proven time and time again that we can fit $400 worth of groceries into a compact car along with two kids, and still have room for the driver. I'm proud that Orren's first vegetable that he ever ate was organic homegrown zucchini that I'd picked just two minutes before cooking it for him. I am especially proud of Thak and myself for being honest with ourselves as pertaining to the topics we know little about, and doing research, asking questions of people who would know, and ultimately figuring out the right thing to do. I think maybe the fact that Thak and I have put so much into trying to get parenting right, and right from the start, it just comes off a little insulting when people who have obviously not researched a damned thing aside from the Sam's Club website (pricing Huggies, Pampers, and booster seats for their 2-year-olds), try to tell me I'm wrong for my decisions. I'm not wrong. Hell, I'm not telling them they're wrong for what they decided, but they are DEAD WRONG for trying to argue that my decisions were poor, and to do this with hearsay.