Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Does this go on in the real world nearly as much as it does in the military? I've been annoyed with this thing for years, and it was one of the first things I noticed about military wives after I married Thak. Every time they find out about anything I did, or was doing at that time, they told me in great detail how they were about to do that same thing, and then give ten million excuses as to why they didn't.

The biggest one is joining the military. People find out within five minutes of knowing me that I'm prior service. It's not because I walk around wearing a Veterans for Peace shirt (although if I did, people would probably assume it was my husband's anyhow). It's just that the second question that's always asked in military wife small talk, right behind, "Where's home for you?" is "How'd you meet your husband?" Since I met Thak when we were both assigned to good old Six Deuce, I couldn't hide my prior service status even if I wanted to. For the record, I would NEVER want to hide that significant fact about myself. I think that would be dishonest and give people the wrong idea.

The thing that gets me is that in about 50% of cases, the wife I'm talking to says, "Oh, I would have joined the Army if I hadn't (insert BS excuse here)." Why on earth do they do that? Do they think I'll regard them as more "in the loop", or as "one of us"? Do they think it makes them cooler that once upon a time, the thought crossed their mind to join the Army? I personally think the thought of joining the Army crosses the minds of at least 75% of people at some point in their life, yet somehow, only maybe 1% ever do. As a member of that 1%, I give absolutely no ass pats to people who didn't have the conviction to go through with it. This is a very binary classification. Either you are a soldier (past or present), or you are not. There is no in-between, and intent doesn't matter. If you REALLY wanted to serve, you would have. I can remember vividly when I knew that it was my time to serve, and NOTHING would have stood between me and the Army at that moment. If you never truly heard the call, there's actually nothing wrong with that, but own it. Yeah, you shoulda, coulda, woulda served, but at the end of the day, you didn't, so stop annoying the vets.

College is another one. Every time it comes up in conversation that I went to Georgia Tech (and that actually does not come up in conversation very often at all), from that day forward, the person who gets let in on that fact incessantly tries to justify their own educational shortcomings. Dude, I simply cannot be bothered to give a flying bag of composted cow shit if you think you couldn't go to college because you got married and your E1 husband moved you across the country. There are universities everywhere, and if you don't go to college, it's because you made the choice not to go. I don't think less of you for that, however, I do think less of you for not owning your decisions. If you feel good enough about a decision to make it, you should feel good enough about it to own it. I own mine, even the stupid ones, and you won't find me justifying them to anybody. I have friends who have graduate degrees from Ivy League schools. I don't sit there and say "shoulda, coulda, woulda" to them, even though, in truth, I could probably have attained what they did. I made my decision, and I'm not sorry. If you're sorry for your decisions, why don't you change them?