Crazy other parents, part 2

You know, yesterday's events made me think of several other things that have happened over the course of the past few years. I think, in general, a lot of parents seriously need a reality check. There is a vast difference between doing something illegal, and doing something that's different than what you'd do.

You know, in my old neighborhood, we had roving bands of children. The only time any of us called the police on them was when they became a nuisance, like when one little girl wouldn't stop looking in the windows of my house, or pounding on the windows when newborn Orren was sleeping, despite repeated warnings. Others called the police when the older kids would steal things from the younger ones, despite repeated warnings. This is justified.

The following things are not justified:

-Calling the police because a 7-year-old is riding her bike in front of her house.
-Telling someone they need to keep a better eye on their kid when their 7-year-old is playing with other kids on a playground at a military unit function, and the parent is standing about 20' away, talking with other adults, looking in on the big kid periodically, and minding the toddler.
-Accusing someone of being a neglectful parent because they had a drink at a party in front of their kid.
-Accusing someone of reckless endangerment because they let their kid run around with the other kids at a party, within a fenced yard, checking on them only periodically, not constantly within a few feet of them.

All of the above have happened to me within the past three years. Anyone who actually bothers to know me, knows that I am not a negligent parent. My kids are better behaved than most (and I'm definitely not the only one who thinks that. We get compliments on this from random people such as store employees and restaurant managers all the time.) and that is not a mistake. They are parented, and I think I do pretty well.

I didn't really think my style of parenting was much different than most people's, aside from superficial things like the fact that my kids eat better, stay in carseats longer, and have a more rigid schedule than a lot of people's, but I guess I was wrong. It seems like the majority of people who consider themselves "good moms" (this does not apply to dads at all!) these days, are total helicopter parents. If you don't know what a helicopter parent is, it's someone who hovers over their child 24/7. It seems like this is what's expected, and anyone who doesn't parent like that will be harshly judged, and considered woefully negligent. In the military community, a call to Child Protective Services and/or the police, is not uncommon.

I just think it's wrong that I have to live in fear of the next knock on my door just because I am not a helicopter parent. I am not endangering my kids because my 7-year-old is allowed to be out from under my thumb periodically. It is not right that if my kid wants to play with other kids or on her own, and have a little independence from her parents, that someone will feel justified to take it into their own hands to question my parenting abilities for that decision. I have done absolutely nothing to harm either of my kids. They are extremely well cared for. Anyone who really knows us, knows that. Often, someone else will stand up for us. Sometimes we stand alone. It's just sad that it's come to this. I think it's this way everywhere, too. A friend of mine from a previous duty station said that she saw an episode of Cops not long ago where some lady called the cops on some boys about Erin's age, who were playing basketball. The cop who came out there said, "Would you rather they play basketball, or get really bored and vandalize things?" Right on. I mean, it's gotten ridiculous. We're all parenting under a microscope. I don't know why this is, but I do know that I would never do to another parent, the things that have been done to me.

Let's review. If a kid is vandalizing things, being violent, stealing, trespassing, or out past local curfew hours, then by all means, call the police. If a kid is being a nuisance, and you have warned them multiple times to stop, then that is a justified reason to call the police. If you see REAL evidence of abuse or neglect (kids not bathed, kids being slapped around, kids coming to your house begging for food because their parents don't feed them) then PLEASE call Child Protective Services. If you see a TODDLER out by themself, then yes, call the police.

However, if you see a school age child playing outside, realize that is normal. If you see a school age child whose parents are a little ways away from them, letting the child play with other kids on his/her own, realize that this kid is old enough for a little independence. If someone is not a complete teetotaler around their children, and you think that's wrong, then please dislodge the pole from whatever orifice it's jammed in, because seriously, there's never been a kid who's been harmed by watching their parents drink a cocktail or a beer at a party or with dinner. These things all differ by leaps and bounds from real abuse or neglect, and these people who want to equate them to that, REALLY need to hop off it.

It seems like nobody can win these days. I've been accused of "trying to keep my kids in a bubble" AND of being neglectful. It's mind boggling. I've never really felt the need to comment on other people's parenting style to their faces, outside of practices a lot of people do which are extremely dangerous (improper carseat use is what comes to mind. I mean, the laws of physics have my back on that one, and so do the seat manufacturer's instructions, as well as the laws in this state, so it's not just my opinion. It's a clear cut right and wrong.) I know plenty of people who have wild kids who act like crap, and I don't think they're the best parents. You KNOW I've met plenty of crappy parents in my life. I just don't hang out with those people. It's that easy. I don't go calling the police on them, or telling them how to raise their kids. Geez, I knew these people at Ft. Stewart who had two daughters who were holy terrors. The one time I made the mistake of having them over to my house, they tore it apart from wall to wall, and half of Erin's stuff had to be replaced. No kid who is parented acts like that. You know what I did? I cleaned up after them, comforted Erin who had lost a lot of her favorite things to the two tornadoes, and made a mental note NEVER to let them inside my house again. Problem solved. I seriously don't understand why people don't just worry about THEIR families more. Remember back in Kindergarten, when someone would tattle, and the teacher would tell them, "Worry about you. Don't worry about what others are doing."? I think a lot of these people just seriously didn't get the memo.

So how do we fix it? Thak's ready to move to the boonies so we don't have to deal with this anymore. It's not like a daily thing or anything like that, but it really does ruin your week every time it does happen, because it's just so misguided and wrong. I mean, being told repeatedly that you're a really crappy mom is not a warm fuzzy for anyone... I can tell you this.

It also occurs to me that there's some irony here. A lot of people say they feel judged when they have a baby young. I never felt that. I was 21 when Erin was born, but I don't think anyone ever judged me for that. Everyone just loved Erin, and it seemed like we were very accepted. It could also be because I cannot read subtlety, and do not generally pick up on the meaning behind people's facial expressions unless it's really obvious, but I really never felt judged for being a young mom. Now I'm not a young mom anymore. I'm in my late 20's. I'm an average age mom, I guess. Yet now, I feel very judged, and it's because that baby everyone accepted so well when I was 21, dared to grow up, and I dared to let her. Ironic...