You don't have to understand it.

Most of our friends are military. Most are lifers. That's just what you find when you look at people who are generally in their 30's, and are in the military. Most people don't really get out after that point until they retire. It's just the way things usually go. Thak, of course, went a different way, and I, of course, support him in that.

Since he has gotten out, life has not been easy. His job, which we expected to be about a 50% pay cut from what he was making Active Duty, has turned out to be about a 75% pay cut. We were prepared for 50%. 75% is a lot harder, to say the least. We have had to scramble really hard. We're working on something new so that we may not have to scramble so hard anymore, but nothing is a sure deal at this point. (Yes, I'm being vague. When I have real details, I will share them, providing they're good.)

A lot of interesting things have come of these past few months of lean times. These are not things I had anticipated, and they are not things I think anyone can truly understand unless they, too, have been in such a position. I think a lot of people have been in this position before, though, in one way or another. There's a lot of clarity that comes of having a lot, and then in a very short time, having only a little compared to what you used to have. The thing I really learned from this is how much we all get bogged down in the details when we have a lot of extras, and how much we no longer appreciate what really matters.

We no longer have cable, so our TV really never comes on. Sometimes we watch movies or shows that Thak bought from the Iraqis during his 3rd tour, because he has a whole hard drive full of them, but it's somewhat rare that we do that, and even then, we decide as a family what we want to watch, and then watch together. Yesterday, for example, Thak wanted to share some of his favorite anime with the kids, so we did that. Turns out the show Kenshin is pretty good! It's about a soldier who turns his back on war... a lot like Thak. That's why Thak likes it so much. Most importantly, when we're not all watching something on the computer, there is no TV just blaring all day long, as Thak would say, "for background noise". (I hate that. I've been wanting to discontinue the cable for years because I hate the "background noise".) The kids also don't hound us to buy them things from commercials, so it's less stress.

We read more books. Not only is there no more TV to occupy our time all day long, leaving more time and attention for books, but everything we do is way across the desert from our house. It's 18 miles each way to Erin's school or dance studio. Even in a small, fuel-efficient car like mine, those trips really add up, so we minimize them. On Fridays, instead of going home after picking Erin up from school, we go to the library that's just a couple miles from her school, she changes into her dance clothes there, and then we read books until it's time to drop her off at the dance studio. That saves 36 miles of driving, and roughly $4 worth of gas. Not to mention, the kids are loving that extra hour of reading time. They just bring books off the shelves, and I read to them and nurse Chai. Everybody's happy, and it doesn't cost us a dime. I'm thinking of minimizing the expenditure even further by figuring out something to do with the boys on that side of town while Erin's in dance so that I can save 36 MORE miles of driving, by just waiting over there for those three hours rather than coming home and then going back. This week, I'll probably take them to the park that's by the library, and let them play there. Again, we all win. $4 saved for me and Thak, and more outside play time for the boys. This whole "no money" thing has some real silver linings to it!

We just appreciate stuff more, you know? We can't afford to go out to eat, so what we can make here is what we have. Last night, I made a pizza with bacon, chile peppers from our garden, and monterey jack cheese. On the side, we had squash from our garden. It was so simple, but everybody loved it. Even picky eater Erin had two helpings and cleaned her plate. Nobody even cared that the crust turned out a little funny because I was out of white flour, and it was 100% whole wheat (I usually do 50% whole wheat). Thak actually said the crust tasted BETTER to him! When you have less, you have more appreciation for what you do have.

Some have questioned why we keep Erin in dance, and in her charter school across town, when we are struggling with money. Surely we could save a lot if we just sold my car, put her in the public school that's walking distance from our house, and eliminated the dance studio tuition each month. My thing is this, though. We are prioritizing. It is a priority for Erin to be in the best school, and to pursue dance. Believe it or not, dance has helped her academically. Erin is learning disabled, which means that her brain doesn't work quite like everybody else's. She's missing some connections in there somewhere, and has to find a way to work around that so she can read and write like other kids her age. Dance has actually been shown to help kids like Erin, who have auditory and visual processing disorders, to make the necessary connections within their brains, to learn how to learn in their own way. It's made a world of difference to her. I honestly believe that the amazing progress she's made in the past year, has been partially due to dance, and the majority due to the school she goes to. We cannot take these things away from her if we are at all able to find a way to keep them. It's too important. If that means we live on beans because the dance studio fees come out of my grocery money, then we will eat beans, and be glad to have them.

One thing I've been really surprised about is when I've told certain friends about our situation, like at times when it's gotten so hard it seemed impossible to figure out a way to do what we needed, a common suggestion is that I leave Thak, after all, it's his fault that we're in this position. True, Thak's decisions got us here. If he'd been one of those guys who loved the Army, I could have loved it with him, because I love what Thak loves, and I want for Thak what he wants for himself. If he had stayed in, he'd probably be a Sergeant First Class right now, about to leave for Wardak, Afghanistan next week (because that's what his old unit is doing). We could have done it, sure, but that's just not who Thak is, and I respect that. I support what Thak is doing for us, even if it has not gone smoothly. I am surely not going to leave him because we're no longer as well off as we were. I remember that our vows said, "in plenty and in poverty". Why say it if you don't mean it? Thak has enough to think about right now. Why should he have to worry about his wife and kids going away, too. That is just disgraceful. We're going to get through this by working as a team, and finding a way together. Jumping ship is simply not an option.

We choose to be ok with what we have. We choose to make do with a little, and try to learn what there is to be learned from this. Buddha taught about the value of struggle, and we now know first hand things we could once only understand on a theoretical level. Every day, we have a choice. We can wish for what was or what could be, or we can do great things with what we have. We choose to do with what we have, and try our best to do great things with it. You don't have to understand that. I didn't before this either.