What is worse?

Holy crap, I'm going to hide under a rock until this baby is out. I hate hospital birth horror stories because they DO NOT APPLY to the home setting since the two are so diametrically different. Even so, no matter how much I tell people to stop with them, they just don't. People are real assholes to homebirthing families. That's one thing I've learned recently. Every sick baby they've ever heard of will become an argument against your choice. Every stupid thing some doctor ever did to them and then "saved" them from will become an argument as well. Fuckin a, people, you've got to stop this. I didn't say, "What do you think of homebirth?" (I know better than that.) I said, "I'm having a homebirth!" The former is an invitation for debate. The latter is not. Just like I don't tell you that you're crazy for birthing with these awful local OB's who are so intervention-happy it makes me want to scream, or for actually risking it at a hospital with a 60% c-section rate, I expect that you won't tell me that I'm completely nuts for birthing at home, drug-free, attended by a Certified Professional Midwife, not a doctor in sight.

Today was the kicker. There's a girl from this post who is currently living every parent's horror (which is why I'm not ripping her a new one for this. I'm the bigger person, and she's got enough on her mind right now.) Her baby was the one airlifted to Phoenix for open heart surgery. They had the surgery days ago, and the baby has not recovered well. If they can't find her a transplant within the next 24 hours, they're going to remove her from the machines, and honestly, short of a miracle, she's not going to make it. Like I said, every parent's nightmare. This girl said to me, "If I'd birthed at home, she wouldn't have lived 2 minutes."

That made me think. First of all, seriously? A one in ten billion heart defect is not grounds on which to make general decisions. That would be like treating every pregnant woman for the Ebola virus because hey, somewhere somebody might have it. Secondly, this case, if any, proves my point that hospital birth and a highly medical model of prenatal care DO NOT guarantee a healthy baby any more than a homebirth and a non-medical model of care do. This girl had an ultrasound at EVERY appointment, and somehow they didn't find this defect until the baby was born. When the baby was born, surrounded by doctors, all they could do was give oxygen (hey, they can do that at home, too, you know) and airlift her to civilization for surgery. Then some of the top surgeons in the world operated, and they kept her alive for a week with a gaping hole in her chest to let in the probes for the room full of million dollar machines required to bypass her heart and lungs, and at this point, unless a lot changes between here and tomorrow (and let's hope it does) she's STILL not going to live.

Even if what this mom said to me were true, that she wouldn't have lived 2 minutes at home (which it isn't true, actually), WHAT IS WORSE? 2 minutes with the family, at home, never out of physical contact from the people who love him/her, or whisked away the minute he/she is born, never to nurse, never to be held skin to skin by mommy and daddy, followed by 2 weeks "alive" on machines, so sedated he/she can't even open his/her eyes, and with a giant gaping hole in the chest that would be so painful if awake, that forgoing the sedation simply isn't an option. Is that 2 week life of pain and suffering REALLY better than 2 minutes, at home, with the family, fully lucid? To my way of thought, no. For my buck, gimme the 2 best minutes you've got and keep your 2 weeks of hell. Some people may disagree. That's fine. I'm not the one trying to make other people do things my way. I'm the one trying to do things my way, in peace.

Anyhow, the fact remains, a baby born with that exceedingly rare condition at home would have the same odds as a baby born with that condition in a hospital. They'd be given oxygen at birth when something didn't seem right, then transferred to the hospital for tests, which would reveal the problem. Then the course of action would be determined from there, from exactly the same playbook. So in all honesty, it's pretty unfair to say what would have happened at home when your understanding of homebirth is somewhere between nothing and exceptionally limited.

Yes, even with the events that have shaken this entire post over the past couple weeks, I am still homebirthing. I'm not afraid of what could happen. I am coming at this with my eyes wide open, with a healthy dose of respect and trust for the process. I am armed with the best and most current knowledge, and have the best people to help me. In the unlikely event that something goes horribly wrong, we will cross that bridge when we come to it, just like any other parent.