You people are killing me.

Just what the title says. Seriously, there are some things I need people to realize. I think that because I have not used this pregnancy as an excuse to act debilitated and sick (because despite what society told you, pregnancy is not an illness), people have sort of forgotten that I am about to have a baby, and may want or need a little bit of consideration of that.... not much, just a little.

First of all, let's take an honest look at what's on my plate right now. I don't think people have really ever fully realized this.

1) I'm having a baby, any day. Yes, it's my 3rd, but honestly, it never becomes just one of those things you do without thinking about it. There are always a lot of considerations.

2) We just bought a house.

3) My husband is working his ass off to get established in the private sector. He's doing very well, as we knew that he could, but it does require a lot of our family since he is there every minute that shop is open, trying to prove to the people who matter, that he's worthy of the big raise he should have coming within the next couple months. They ARE noticing, big time, but the fact remains, he has to keep that momentum going.

4) I HATE discussing money with people, but I'm going there just this once. Until he gets that big raise when his probationary period at work is over, we are living on very little. We have gone from above average household income to well below average. We're going to make it, but we're definitely not well off right now.

5) Erin had her first ballet recital and her first science fair all in one week. We got through it (with flying colors), but it was stressful. We have her enrolled in the best programs for pretty much everything (the best school, the best dance studio, etc) and the expectations are very high. At Erin's age, the bulk of the high expectations fall to the parents, and in this family, 100% of that falls to me (See #3).



In light of all this, please consider the following:

1) Asking me to help you move is insane. No, I will not help you move. I'm 39 weeks pregnant, and you want me to help you move?!! Are you clinically insane?!! I'm the only person you know who has a truck? Well, allow me to introduce you to my dear friend Mr. U-Haul. He has all the trucks you could ever want. How about THAT?

2) I don't want to watch your kids. Yes, that's exactly what I need.... one more to run around after, feed, and otherwise deal with. You're kidding me, right? Yes, I yelled at your child. You pushed me to absolute breaking point by sending them over here in the first place. I would never do that to you. Why would you do it to me?

3) It really pisses me off when you demand my stuff for free. If I have a girl, I need to take the boy clothes to the consignment shop and trade them in for girl clothes. I have to outfit my own kids first. I can't just give all my stuff away to yours right now. Asking (more like demanding) to be given all of Orren's outgrown clothes when I have need of them in one form or another, wasn't very nice. Wasn't the baby shower gift I got you good enough? I didn't even HAVE a baby shower. Remember?

4) Please understand that Erin NEEDS the very best, always, when it comes to academics especially. No, I didn't enjoy your suggestions of making her science project presentation on a neon green poster board in sharpie. That would get her a shitty grade, and we would be looked upon poorly by the higher-ups at the school (You know... the people who get to decide if we come back next year). There are only 150 kids in her school. People know what each one does and does not do. It is clearly better to be remembered for something good. I will not set my kid up for failure. Yes, she is in first grade. Her assignments are not a joke, even so. Yes, I know the public schools don't require even a fraction of what her school requires of all of us. That is why we do not use public school.

As for her ballet, I get the feeling that people think she was just going to go up there, twirl around at random a few times, and call it a day. People were actually shocked that the class was in synch with their dances, and that the dances were as complex as they were. Really? What do you think they all spent all those hours in practice doing? Eating twinkies? She worked her ass off for that, and we ran our asses off so she could be where she needed to be when she needed to be there. Again, this is important for her. Dance is one thing she excels at, and it is even helpful for her on a neurological level. Erin is learning disabled, but a talented dancer. The success she has with dance is important in many ways, and does tie into her academic success as well, however indirectly. Half-assing it isn't an option. It's not just some lame-o 6 week program on post. Girls from her studio often go to college on dance scholarships. It is a place of success and potential, and yes, it does matter what Erin does now.

I don't know why it's hard for people to understand that the things that Erin has going on are important, and I can't just brush them off. She's a school age kid. School age kids have stuff to do, and it's always important stuff, even at a young age. If you don't lay the foundation right when they're Erin's age, then you'll have nothing to build on when they're older. I thought that was pretty much common knowledge. I don't appreciate when people act like Erin's commitments are a joke, and like I'm putting too much consideration into them. Hey, notice it's MY kid who's placing top 3 in the science fair and dancing on the big stage at the university. Obviously we're doing something right.

5) This pregnancy has been difficult compared to my other two. I haven't said much about that because it has not been complicated (there is a big difference between uncomfortable and complicated). Nothing is wrong with me or the baby. I'm just not 21 anymore. It is harder the more babies you have, and the older you get. I am 29 years old, and this is my 3rd baby. I am in a good bit of pain every day, and have been for some time. It isn't a piteous situation, which is why I don't really say much about it, because really, there's nothing that can be done. When I have the baby, everything will be better. For now, it is what it is. Just because I'm not sitting here complaining about it day in and day out does not mean that it's effortless. Maybe I make it look easy? I don't know. I also don't talk much about what we do at my appointments because there's not much to talk about. The baby is big and healthy, and has been. I'm healthy, and have been. We are fine. Otherwise, me and Alyson hang out and talk about whatever, usually birth or baby related, and just make the plans for the birth and stuff. There's really nothing more to report. We don't do most of the tests or exams that mainstream practices do, so I won't be showing up with news of dilation, or blood test results, or anything like that. We just don't do that stuff because it's pointless and doesn't tell us anything of significance, even though society would have us believe otherwise.

Also, there is less to report because the stuff that mainstream practitioners flip out over, is not cause for concern to a good midwife and her client. A semi-low placenta may change the ballgame slightly, but it is not generally a terribly challenging situation for an experienced midwife to handle at a birth. A baby's position is of far more minor consideration than it would be in a mainstream practice, and every midwife knows things to tell her client to do, to help the baby get into a more advantageous position (even if the baby does not get into a perfect position, most midwives can still help the mom to have a good birth without interventions). Ultrasounds aren't done if the client doesn't ask for them. Fetal size estimates are done by external palpation, and it's more of a curiosity than anything since it's accepted as universal truth that we grow only what we can birth. If you have a history of large babies, it's seen as a joyous thing because they were big and healthy, not a risk factor. Internal exams are not done unless requested by the client (and I don't request them). The assumption is that there will be no need for interventions. Each client is given the benefit of the doubt all the way through, and interventions are always a very last resort, never a convenience. It's a far more hands-off approach, and while it may seem half-ass to some, the statistics show that it works better than the mainstream medical model.

This is why I sort of stay quiet in pregnancy-related conversations. When I am sitting there listening to women talk about being marked as high risk, and scheduled for c-sections, on the basis of factors that I have as well, and know how to manage at home, it is not a comfortable thing to weigh in on that conversation. Therefore, I stay quiet, and apparently people forget I'm even pregnant. They just think I like walking around with a basketball under my shirt or something.

But seriously, people.... I'm having a baby super soon. I don't know when, but it won't be long. I also have a lot on my plate. Just spare me the bullshit for now, ok? That's all I'm asking.