Children aren't expensive. Lifestyles are expensive.

OK, I hear this A TON from people who have (or aspire to have) huge families, on very little income. I heard it again from a girl I know here, who currently has a number of children equal to her husband's rank, and wants another. Now, it's a known fact that I subscribe to the "third to a half" theory. Basically, you'll be fine if you keep your number of children to one third to one half of your husband's enlisted rank. (For example, a Staff Sergeant is an E6, meaning that 2-3 kids is the max. A First Sergeant is an E8, meaning that 4 would be the max.) This person whose children EQUAL her husband's rank, is always talking about how hard they're struggling to make ends meet, and in the same breath, says she wants another baby. Really? I asked her, "Why do you want another baby before Joe makes some more rank? You're always talking about how hard it is to get by right now with the ones you have, so why have another right away?" she said, predictably, "Children are not expensive. Lifestyles are expensive."

Let's think about that for a minute. On first glance, it seems to be an absolutely true statement. However, upon further inspection, it seems to depend more on the type of lifestyle you live to begin with. If the lifestyle you'd have to scale back to afford a large family was one of a new BMW every year, and annual vacations to the Caribbean, then yes, this applies completely. Children aren't expensive, lifestyles are. However, if the lifestyle you'd have to scale back is middle class at best to begin with, then your kids are actually going to pay for it.

If you're stretched to such a minimal level that you can't afford to do anything but feed, clothe, and house the number of kids you have, then what happens if public school doesn't work out for one or more of them? I mean, these are military people we're talking about. Just because you have great schools at this duty station doesn't mean you will at the next, or the one after that. What happens if you have a learning disabled kid who simply will not thrive in a public school environment? Will you be able to afford private school tuition if you have to? Will you be able to afford the required donations, activity fees, and increased transportation costs of charter school? Trust me. It costs money to send your kid to anything other than public school, even if it's the cheapest (and hardest to get into) option of all, charter school. I think it's inadvisable to have more kids than you can afford to educate. You can't count on public school being an option. I learned that the hard way. We'd probably have sucked it up and continued with public school had Erin not been learning disabled, but she is, and she was rotting away in public school (as is every other learning disabled kid I know of in this city. It's crazy.) and we knew she deserved better than that, so we had to find it for her. Anybody can have a learning disabled kid who absolutely will not be properly educated to their full potential in a crappy public school. What if it happens to you? Can you afford to educate ANY child who may be born to you?

On top of basic education, I notice that the kids who are in families like that aren't in any extracurricular activities. Now, while it's obvious that extracurricular activities are not a necessity of life, any college admissions officer you will ever meet, will readily tell you that they look at applicants' activities as well as their grades. Therefore, not only is it vital to any child's longtime success that they be in a school that can give them the education they need, but it is also vital that they have the opportunity to pursue their interests outside of school, preferably from an early age. Lacking these opportunities due to having too many mouths to feed in their family, a child's college applications will lack, and they may not get as many acceptances, or scholarships, for that matter. Extracurricular activities for a young child can cost $1000 a year, very easily. (Erin is in only two activities, and it costs us right about that much.) Can you afford to give all your children the best opportunities for a WELL ROUNDED education, which continues outside of school?

I think, to an extent, children don't have to be expensive. Sure, kids can share rooms if they have to. They can wear hand-me-downs if they have to. They can pack their lunch for school instead of eating school lunch which is more expensive (unless you're on free or reduced. For us, though, $3.20 a day for lunch would add up fast, so we pack Erin's lunch every day. Her PlanetBox has already paid for itself twice!) You can do free family activities such as going to the park, as opposed to expensive ones like going to the amusement park. There are ways to cut back, but there is such a thing as too much. If you cheap out on everything when it comes to your kids, it may end up costing them more than they could ever cost you. Children are not inherently expensive, but there are some things that simply don't come for free.