What's the best? What an unbelievably loaded question.

It's so common in the military community. You hear it at coffees when someone brings a new wife, and you read it all the time on the post's message boards, and even get asked by random people in the PX who are new to post.

"What's the best part of town to live in?"
"What's the best school to send my kids to?"
"Who's the best pediatrician?"

I've always found the pediatrician question to be incredibly crazy. Who's the best pediatrician? Well, what are your priorities? For me, the best pediatrician would be our pediatrician in Savannah. He doesn't recommend vaccinating breastfed babies at all, he's VERY intact-friendly and you'd never have to worry about forcible retraction because surely he already told you why it's harmful, he nearly never prescribes medication and antibiotics are a dead last resort. Our ped in Savannah was absolutely the pediatrician of my dreams. I also know that for the very reasons he was perfect for us, he would be a lot of other parents' worst nightmare. Want your kid loaded up with the full quota of vaccinations? Think it's ok to formula feed? Want your son circumcised? Find a different pediatrician, because that one would tell you in no uncertain terms that you had the wrong idea. (I LOVED that about him, personally. He is the one who insisted that I needed to reestablish lactation, and thus made it so that Orren received some amount of breast milk for several months. We have Dr. R to thank for that. I wish more pediatricians were as "no-BS" as him.)

When we came out here, I asked on message boards for this post about the local pediatricians. I specified that I wanted one who would not pressure us to vaccinate fully, or on a traditional schedule, one who would not pressure me to medicate symptoms (or more accurately, suppress my kids' immune system responses to germs), and that he/she absolutely MUST be intact-friendly. (I know that this sounds like a strange thing to look for, but it's really quite legitimate. With the majority of American boys, until last year, being circumcised, a lot of doctors are woefully ignorant of proper care of intact boys, and some do some pretty harmful things because of it.) People thought I was nuts for specifying so much, but I wanted to find the right doctor. Having some perfect stranger say, "I like Dr. Jones." means nothing. OK, WHY do you like Dr. Jones? What are your tendencies as a parent? What's your vaccination schedule? Do you circumcise? What's your opinion of antibiotics? Does Dr. Jones give you pure facts and let you make your own decisions, or does he/she say "this is the way we need to do things"? Just hearing who other parents like, doesn't do anything.

Our ped out here is nowhere near as similar in priorities to us as the one we had in Savannah, but his approach is hands-off enough that we make it work. He's incredibly intelligent, and doesn't dumb anything down when he gives information, so he's very easy to work with and get straight answers from. He is definitely intact-friendly. He doesn't make us vaccinate, although he's made it clear that he does not agree with alternative vaccination schedules or selective vaxing. He said, "I don't recommend this, but they're your kids. I'm not here to be the vaccination police", then handed us a waiver to sign. He doesn't even offer us flu shots anymore because he knows we don't want them. I thought that was cool. We do share the same stance on antibiotic use. I did get a very strange look from him when I asked what his preferences were for first visit for homebirthed babies. (Like our ped in Savannah did not find it necessary to see birth center babies until a month old since our midwives managed their care before then.) Our doc here looked a bit perplexed. I don't think he's ever had a homebirthed patient before! There's always got to be a first time.

Basically, we've had a good experience with our ped here. There are just as many people who absolutely cannot stand him for any number of reasons. So is he the best pediatrician in El Paso? Well, for us, yes. For you, I can't say. It depends what you want.

The school thing is just as loaded as the pediatrician thing. "What's the best school in El Paso?" Well, for us, that's an easy question to answer. It's VDF School. Funny thing is, it's an easy question for about 50% of people to answer. Literally half of people here think their kids are getting a good education in whatever school they're in. (Wait until they leave here, and find that their kids are nearly a full grade level behind their peers. The ones who move to Ft. Stewart from here, especially, are in for the rude awakening of their lives.)

Again, though, this comes down to a few things, just like the pediatrician question does. First of all, how's your bullshit tolerance? Mine doesn't exist. I have zero tolerance for bullshit. I've always seen schools as a choice, and one I will gladly change my mind on if I don't like what one school is dishing out. If their administrators treat me like scum, rest assured, my kid will not go there next year. If I have to fight to have my kid taught at her level, and given the huge amount of individual attention she requires to learn, then we will not be giving them our business any longer. We need a school that treats our entire family like decent human beings, sees parents as something other than the enemy, AND most importantly, will teach Erin in a manner in which she can learn. Granted, for us, we require a bit more in the education department. Erin's learning disabilities make it so that nearly every popular method of teaching nearly any reading or language concept, is rendered completely useless for her. She is not even slightly an easy kid to teach. If we weren't picky about what school we sent her to, she absolutely would not succeed.

So basically, what's the best school? It depends what you want and what you need. Does your kid have learning disabilities? Are they gifted? Are you trying to get your child's IEP done? Is your child artistically inclined? Is he/she into science and engineering? Does your high schooler have the aspiration to go to a top tier university? Do you need a good athletic program for your middle or high schooler? Do you need a nationally ranked theater program? Music? Fine arts? WHO is your child, and WHO are you? THAT is what determines what school will be best. At this point, say for example we end up here long term and my kids go to middle and high school here. I know that Erin will go to Da Vinci. Not only do they have a wonderful dance program as part of their curriculum, but they also will teach her in a manner in which she can learn. Her learning style is not as conducive to a large public school, so if she is here for any of 5-12 grades, she will go to the little art school in the mountain pass, because that is where she will succeed. I don't know if that would be the best arrangement for Orren, though, in the hypothetical situation that we were here when he got to be that age. (We don't plan on that. I'm speaking completely hypothetically.) It depends who he turns out to be in ten years or so. Every kid needs something different out of their education. Every parent has different requirements for what they are willing to deal with and what they're not. What's the best school? Well, the best school for whom?

Where to live is hugely divisive. I like older neighborhoods. The houses are sturdier and have more character. The layouts make more sense. The yards are bigger. The trees are taller, if there are any. They just have more character. Some people want to live in the newest thing, and don't care if they end up walking all the way to the back of the house to access the kitchen even though the entire kitchen and its mess is visible over a half wall, from the world's smallest living room. (No kidding. This girl I know who used to live here had a house like that. The feng shui of that place may have been the worst ever. It was in a really new neighborhood, though!!)

What's more, this city is enormous, and so is post. Where does your husband work? That will determine what part of the city is closest and most convenient. What rank is he? Yes, a volatile question, but it will determine what you can afford. Certain parts of the city are cheaper than others. I wouldn't classify those as "the best place to live", but some people do, and if it's what you can afford, maybe you should think of it the way those people do. The post housing thing is another big one. "Is it best to live on post or off?" Well, it depends. If your husband is an Officer, maybe you'd like it on post. The Officer housing here is gorgeous. If your husband is SFC or higher, your housing could look identical to the Officer housing, so maybe give it a try then also. For others, it depends. What rank is he and how many kids do you have? Honestly, if he's SPC/CPL or below, living on post is always a better bet. If he's a SGT, and you have two or more kids, on post will be more cost-effective for you as well. If he's a SSG, unless you have four or more children, you're probably going to get ripped off by living on post. (Having a SSG husband myself, I've weighed these options extensively.) Other factors also come into play. Do you have two cars, or do you need stuff walking distance? And ever prevalent, how high is your bullshit tolerance? So, where's the best place to live? Well, for whom??


I just think it's funny how people ask such loaded questions, so plainly, and expect a simple answer. "The best pediatrician is Dr. Smith. The best school is Joe Blow Elementary. The best place to live is on the moon. Welcome to El Paso!" Geez... if it were only that simple!