Activist mommies, we've gotta talk.

It is totally important to raise awareness of stuff, especially when it's stuff that never even occurred to most people. Things like carseat safety and alternatives to hospital birth are totally overlooked by most of society, especially the people who need to know the most, so it's way important to bring these things to people's attention.

However, I note a very distinct difference between the alternative birthing community and the carseat safety community. While those who speak up for birthing options are generally very mindful of the fact that they are speaking on a topic that nearly everyone takes personally, and tend to tread as lightly as possible for that reason, the carseat nuts (and I say that with affection, as I, too, am a carseat nut) take about the least tactful approach in so many cases. Both get ripped a new orifice multiple times a day for speaking up, yes, even the kind and light-treading birth activists, but I think the approach that so many of the carseat people take, is a reason why they do. Now granted, some parents are just foul, and will defend until the death (of injuries sustained in a car accident) their right to forward-face their 5-month-old, and their choice of a belt positioning booster for their 2-year-old. These are sad cases, and they suck. I like to believe they're not the majority, though.

I have corrected A LOT of people's carseat use over the past few years. I always take the same approach. I've had ONE totally rip me a new one. I've had a few tell me they did their research, and still chose to do things very wrong. (FYI, pediatricians and the Fire Department are both HORRIBLE places to go for carseat safety information. Instead, call Safe Kids and ask for a carseat tech.) I've had others actually correct their ways and do it for a few months, and I've had a fortunate few correct their ways and do it right forever. The fact is, I'd have had EVERY SINGLE ONE of those react badly if I acted the way a lot of these carseat mommies act.

Here's a thing we have to look at. Realism. In the real world, the general public, getting someone to rear-face past a year old is hard. If they turn their kid around when he/she is 2 1/2 years old, that's not worth ripping someone apart over. I would rather commend that person for rear-facing past 2 years old, which is the American Academy of Pediatrics' official recommendation. I would say that is a parent who did their homework. Just because some people manage to take their kids to their first day of Kindergarten rear-facing does not mean everyone has to. In fact, as much as I believe in extended rear-facing, I highly doubt we'll make it to 4 years old before turning Orren around. It will depend on him. There is a major milestone in spinal development at 3 years old, and for that reason, Thak and I are willing to consider forward-facing as an option anytime after Orren's 3rd birthday. This will probably make me extremely unpopular in carseat safety circles, but you know, I think sometimes people get too bogged down in their activism to actually be realistic about the way the world is. Sure, the lady with a 4-year-old who's Orren's size has no issue keeping him rear-facing. Consider that Orren is that big at not quite 2, and how big he will be by 4, and if you'd really keep a kid that size rear-facing. There comes a point when realism has to come into play. We want 3 years. Anything after that is a bonus. In reality, I'm thrilled to see any parent who even rear-faces to 2 since that's the AAP's rec on it.

Boosters are another big one. If someone has a kid who's 6 1/2 years old, 4' tall, and 50 pounds, and they want to booster that kid, there is absolutely no reason why they shouldn't. Any kid that age is probably mature enough to sit right in a booster, and 4' and 50 pounds is WELL within tolerance for any booster on the market. It drastically exceeds the 40 pound submarining risk marker. (Submarining, going under the seatbelt in a crash, is way more likely for boostered children under 40 pounds, yet most boosters on the market are rated as low as 30.) If a mom cannot afford a super huge 5-point harness seat for that kid, and wants to booster them, should they not be commended for keeping them harnessed past the 4 and 40 that most people know to be the recommendation, and given the recommendations for some good boosters? I think they should. Absolutely nobody should be made to feel bad just because their first grader is rocking a booster.

Look, it pains me just as much as the next nerd, when I see a forward-facing toddler who could easily rear-face, or even worse, a boostered preschooler (especially if it's a backless booster. CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE!!) but at the end of the day, it's totally necessary to pick the right battles. Focus on the one who wants to forward-face her 6-month-old because his feet are touching the backseat and she thinks that creates a hazard in a car accident. Focus on the one with the 3-year-old in a booster. Do not focus on the one who follows the AAP's recommendation to rear-face to 2, or the one who thinks it's appropriate to move her first grader to a booster. These are not our enemies. These are parents who are conscientious.

In fact, why not go after the AAP instead? Their recommendation to rear-face only until 2 doesn't make much sense. It should be until 3. Let's lobby THEM and get that changed. When that happens (and I believe it will), then people are going to start amending their practice. Let's also focus on getting the current recommendations out to people. Everyone is still hung up on the old outdated 1-and-20 garbage. They don't even know about the new 2 year recommendation (although it's not all that new). Let's publicize THAT. Parents love AAP recommendations! If we focus on getting out what already exists, in addition to a few words on best practice, and proof that it works (Our own kids are great proof that it's fully possible to use best practice, but people only think that if they don't think you're a crazy person.) There is what is perfect, and then there is what is feasible. I think if more people shot for feasible, we'd all get a lot further.

I propose this official stance:
-Rear-face at least until 2, preferably until the seat is outgrown rear-facing, but if you make 2 years, good for you.
-Harness at least halfway through Kindergarten.
-Booster until 5-step test is passed.

Any parent can do that, and I question the parenting skills of any who won't. This is realistic, and good, and people need to take a more moderate stance with those who are clueless, because if you alienate them, they'll just keep doing the bad stuff, and we all know how painful it is to look at bad carseat misuse.