The twos are not terrible.

With Orren's second birthday approaching (way too freaking) fast, I'm getting a lot of comments about "the terrible twos". When I say I don't think the twos are terrible, people always laugh and say, "Oh, just wait!" (Why does everyone forget I have two kids? I've been through this before.) I think that those who see two-year-old antics as terrible, are a great study in missing the point. I'll explain.

What does every human being want in life? Think beyond food, water, shelter, and love. They all want to be heard, to be understood, to have someone totally get it. This is true whether you're a tiny little baby, or whether you're in your 20's, or whether you're 100 years old. It doesn't matter how old the human in question is, every human being wants to be heard and understood. When kids are about Orren's age, they're just learning to express themselves, but can't quite reason yet, so they want what they want when they want it, and are actually really good at telling their parents what it is that they want. They just don't quite understand why they can't have it. This, of course, results in some pretty epic fits. Trust me, Orren can pitch a fit with the best of them, so I'm not speaking as someone who's just got an easy toddler, and doesn't understand. I absolutely do understand how it is to deal with a toddler tantrum. I've found one thing that works really well to cut down on them, though.

Before he gets to the point of a full-blown tantrum, I talk to him. I say, for example, "Orren, I know you really wanted to go for a ride in the stroller, but we have to go to the grocery store and buy food. You can ride in the cart when we get there, and help pick out the lemons. Is that cool?" By this time, he's looking slightly less heartbroken, but still wants to go for a stroller ride. He's climbing into the stroller, and saying "Ride? Please? Mommy? Ride?" and I just say, "We'll have to do that when we get home, Orren. It's time to go to the store now." Then I pick him up and he usually cries, and I tell him that I'm sorry that he's sad, but we'll take a ride later. It really does lessen the tantrums when compared with the times we haven't taken the time to make sure he knows he's been heard. Might I add that follow through is incredibly important if you use this method. He has to get his stroller ride immediately when you get home from the store if that's what you promised. That way he knows you mean it when you tell him he can have what he wants later. By the way, this incident happened this morning. It really does work.

Something that I come to a lot is that people don't quite think of babies and toddlers as full fledged human beings. Even though they may not understand everything, they understand a lot, and I think a lot of the tantrums that toddlers have can actually be avoided if the parents will just hear the kid out and acknowledge what he's telling them, before it gets to that point. Of course rules and boundaries always have to be set and observed consistently, but this can fall in nicely with teaching those things, too. Understand WHY the kid wants to play in the window blinds, or pull the dog's ears, or eat nothing but bananas. Acknowledge it. Then correct, but positively. We try to keep "no" for times when it's a safety issue, like "NO! The stove is hot! Don't touch!" or "NO! Stay out of the street!" When it's not a safety issue, we tell him what he can do instead, and find that to be a lot more effective. Plus, when we do say no, he takes it more seriously because he doesn't hear it a million times a day.

I actually like this age. For one thing, he's adorable. Really, does it get much cuter than a young toddler? They dance, and sing, and say the cutest little things. There is absolutely nothing terrible about my son, or any other kid this age, in all fairness. I have seen some real parenting fails in the past, and the result is 2-year-olds who do things like empty the refrigerator, destroy the house, and terrorize the pets, screaming all the while. I have an active little boy, but we even manage to avoid this stuff by actually giving him what he needs (and part of that is parents who are consistent). It really is up to the parent what kind of 2-year-old experience they will have. Choose to listen to your toddler and actually hear what they're trying to tell you, and you will never regret it.